Original subtitles

Hey, you! Luther Burbank.

- Me? - Yeah, you.

What are you trying to do, kill these in cold blood?

They're swarming with aphis and rotenone.

PETE: Once a week, I cut the grass, and twice a week, I water--

These shrubs should be sprayed daily with dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane.

- Huh? - D-D-and-T.

And they need fertilizer too, lots of fertilizer.

- I take my orders from in there. - In there is amateur night.

[man singing] ♪ Drink to me only with thy eyes ♪

♪ And I will pledge thee mine ♪

- ♪ Drink to me only--♪ - Darling!

- That's simply awful. - I thought you liked my singing.

I did. But that was before we were married.

MAN: Thank you.

So, you finally shortened the sleeves.

Well, bless your little heart.

- [groans] - Come on, you lazy slug. Rise and shine.

- [drowsy mumbling] - Come again?

I said, mother said I didn't have to get up.

- She'd fix breakfast for you. - She said or you said?

She did. Oh, you know how Mother loves to cook.

Who's gonna bathe and dress and feed Annabella?

- Mother. - Mother.

Well, it was her own idea, honestly.

MAN: Look, do you think it's very fair to lie around in the hay

and have all your chores done by that poor old lady?

Don't you let Mother hear you calling her a poor old lady.

After all, we're guests in her house.

And you're just the girl to take advantage of it.

BARBARA: Well, I don't see what you're being so disagreeable about.

Just because I've got a chance for one day of rest.

"Day of rest"? You haven't had a chance to get tired since we moved in here.

- Now, get up! - [door slams]

[music box playing]

[cooing]

[clattering, door closing]

[singing]

MAN: Oh, hi.

How are you this morning?

Hey, you're supposed to play with these toys, not bean people with 'em.

Where's your granny?

- Good morning, Jerry. - Good morning, Ma. How are ya?

- Fine. - Thanks for fixing my breakfast.

[chuckles] You know I like to do it.

- Are the sleeves the right length now? - Oh, they're perfect.

- Did you fix them? - Well, sure.

Why, that little chiseler.

It comes over me, I may have married the wrong woman.

[chuckles]

- MAN: Mrs. Halsworth. - Yes, Pete.

- Can I see you a minute? - All right. Help yourself, dear.

- Mrs. Halsworth. - What's the matter, Pete?

Mrs. Halsworth, are you satisfied with my work?

- Well, certainly. Why? - Mrs. Halsworth,

- I'm a very sensitive fella. - Has that man been bothering you again?

Fertilizer. Fertilizer.

All the time he wants with more fertilizer.

Now, don't pay any attention to him, and if he bothers you again,

- you just tell him to see me, hmm? - Okay.

- Oh, here's your mail. - Oh, thanks.

- Good morning, Mother. - Good morning, darling.

- Are you all right? - Of course, I'm all right.

- Oh, I'm so glad. - [baby fussing]

Annabella.

Hello, darling. Is you breakfast all right?

- Oh, yes. Thanks loads. Just luscious. - Jerry.

JERRY: It must be convenient to have a little leprechaun

come in and do your mending for you.

BARBARA: Well, you know Mother sews much better than I do.

- But she can't chisel as well. - Your father!

- What's the matter, Mother? - This month's check is $50 short again.

Well, he probably had to settle a debt of honor.

- He's probably in hock to his bookie. - [baby fussing]

Oh, Mother, I'm sure that he has a very good reason.

[chuckles] Well, he's had some beauties in his time.

Oh, by the way, I have to see the lawyer this afternoon.

Do you want to come along?

Of course, Mother. You know I'll stand by you.

I only meant you might want to do some shopping.

- I understand. - What's with the lawyer, Mom?

The divorce becomes final at midnight.

Oh, don't worry, Mother. All sorts of things can happen before then.

I wouldn't count on it, honey.

You see? That's a perfect example.

- Example of what? - Of how she needs me.

How utterly miserable she'd be if we ever moved out and left her all alone.

JERRY: Aw, for Pete's sake.

Your mother agrees with me that we ought to have a place of our own.

Well, that's because she's being brave and unselfish.

Why, she'd never be able to cope with this ghastly divorce

- if I didn't stand by her. - All you want is

to go on living the rich, full life here.

Jerry Denham. You're a complete heel.

JERRY: You're beginning to sound like your mother talking about your father.

So long.

[horn honking]

- Morning, Betty. - Hello, Dad.

- Morning, Mary. - Good morning, Mr. Denham.

- Is the boss in yet? - Yes, but he's all tied up

with the Racing Form.

All right, sweetie. Suppose you come down and tell me all about it?

All right, darling. See you at 1:00. Bye.

That was your wife. She complains, among other things,

you get up in the morning, grab a club and beat her.

I couldn't find a club.

And I wish she'd stop griping to you.

- Mother-in-law trouble again, huh? - No, wife trouble.

Your idiot child seems to think it's our duty

to live with Miriam so she won't be lonely.

Your big mistake was moving in there in the first place.

- My mistake? - Now, don't misunderstand me.

I think Miriam is a perfectly charming woman full of admirable qualities.

- Hate to say a word against her. - You're a fine one to talk.

Who got us into this jam? If you hadn't divorced her--

- I didn't divorce her. She divorced me. - Yeah.

Well, my pinheaded bride is still convinced that

you and Miriam can get back together again.

Tell me, man to man, is there any chance of that?

After what she took me for? No.

Not a chance in a million. That woman.

That cold-blooded, calculating gold digger.

Only got the house, the furniture, the car,

my sock stretchers and 300 bucks a month in alimony.

To say nothing of thousands of dollars worth of rare and valuable shrubs,

which I planted with my own hands.

And which are now being ruined because that lazy slob of a gardener

- turns his nose up at fertilizer. - Oh, yes, that reminds me.

Pete's been complaining you've been underfoot lately.

I'm not going to let everything go to seed because I don't own the place anymore.

Has, uh, Miriam been complaining?

Well, she thinks you haunt the place too much, even for an ex-husband.

We're still the best of friends, aren't we?

HUGH: Only took the fillings out of my teeth.

You weren't hurt so badly if you can still afford to play the ponies.

This? This is just a hunch bet. Annabella in the sixth at Bay Meadows.

After all, it is the name of my granddaughter.

- [knocking] - Come in.

Mr. Halsworth, they just phoned from the desk

to say that Mr. Victor Macfarland would be checking in around 1:00.

Thanks, Peggy. All right, my boy. Get busy.

Round up all the available newsmen and photographers as soon as you can.

This character is a publicity hound from way back.

Okay, Hugh.

And incidentally, lock up all the available females.

He invented the forward pass.

[chuckles]

And what makes it so difficult, Daddy,

is that Jerry just doesn't understand how poor Mother feels.

I used to have the same trouble.

As much as I'd love to have a place of our own,

I'm not gonna desert her until she's had a chance to adjust herself

- to the awful wrench of being on her own. - Rubbish, baby.

Your mama is happy as a clam.

- We're on very friendly terms. - Oh, but, Daddy,

husbands and wives should be on the friendliest of terms.

What Mother ought to have is--

If there's anything else she ought to have,

she can't get it from me.

I'm so strapped, I can't even buy back my laundry.

- WOMAN: Hughie! - HUGH: Hello, Joyce!

Honey, those pictures you had taken of me were just marve.

They're running one tomorrow. They say the rest'll be taken by the magazine.

- Thanks a bucket! - Not at all, baby.

Might as well let the world know you're loaded with talent.

By the way, this is my daughter, Mrs. Denham.

Barbara, this is Joyce Mannering.

How do you do.

Your father has been so divine with me that sometimes

even I feel like calling him "Daddy."

HUGH: Nothing at all. Just a few publicity shots we made up in her balcony.

Hughie, is it true Victor Macfarland's coming here to the hotel?

I was in the beauty parlor, when they said--

Sure. He's due at any moment. Would you like to meet him?

Who wouldn't want to meet a man with millions

who isn't even bald?

I was reading all about him in Time magazine.

They said he's the most eligible bachelor in the United States.

- And you'd like to talk him out of it. - Uh-huh.

Okay, Joyce. I'll fix it.

Honey, you're not even human. You're just a living doll.

Nice to have met you, Mrs. Denham.

Really, Father.

Don't forget. I'm an eligible bachelor too.

Playing around with a girl half your age.

She's a little more than that. But it happens to be strictly business.

- Mm-hmm. - Barbara.

My job is to make myself charming to visiting celebrities.

Joyce just won a beauty contest as Miss Cucamonga and has a contract to model.

She's down here posing for cheesecake and trying to better her life.

I suppose you'd like it if Mother carried on with other men.

I'm only protecting Joyce from the wolves. I'd do the same for your mother.

Personally, I think you two ought to get together again.

And today's your last chance to make up before she gets her final decree.

Forget it, baby. You might as well get used to the idea

that you're a child of divorce.

But if you could only see how unhappy poor Mother is.

She's just moping around the house all day and tossing in bed all night.

She's so lost and helpless.

Your mother is about as helpless as a steam shovel.

I can still see her sitting there in court,

never batting an eyelash while they pumped me dry.

If she came to me on her knees, I wouldn't--

Now daddy, don't exaggerate.

- I know you want her back. - Barbara--Barbara--

Why, I see the way you hang around the house. Hoping--

Why don't you grow up?

Running to Pop every time you lose an argument.

We weren't talking about you.

Victor Macfarland just checked in with two secretaries,

six filing cabinets and 57 trunks.

Hugh, what does he keep in all those trunks?

Old telephone numbers.

Well, I've got to run. Cheer up, honey.

- Hello? Yes. - Good afternoon. Right over there.

Yes, this is the Macfarland suite.

Well, I can't talk now. We're just checking in.

In the bedroom with all that, please. What?

Let me call you back, will you? Thank you. Yes.

That goes in there too.

REPORTER: Is it true that you're going to London as the American representative

- to the International Monetary Fund? - Well, let's not jump the gun.

After all, my name hasn't even been submitted to the senate yet,

said he modestly.

Mr. Macfarland, this is your hometown, isn't it?

Yes, it is. I haven't been back in 20 years.

Why did you come back?

Well, off the record, the senate loves a grassroots boy.

Any other reasons?

Oh, perhaps, to show off a little for the ladies page.

Do you have a few wise words for the growing boy

on how to become a millionaire the way you did?

Well, my dear young man, anybody can do it with a little luck and my brain.

Mr. Macfarland, how is it that you are still a bachelor?

I'd be glad to talk it over with you later, off the record.

- May I? - Yes.

Uh, just a moment. Let's keep our photographs on a high level.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

- MAN: Hello, Hugh. - George.

MAN: Jerry.

- Hail, conquering hero! - Hello, Hugh.

- [overlapping greetings] - Kids, get yourselves a drink.

- Vic. - What are you doing here?

Do you own this hotel?

No, I'm the one who didn't make a million dollars. I just work here.

Well, Vic, this is--this is great. We've got to see a lot of each other.

- We will. I'm in charge of publicity. - It's good to see you again.

Wasn't sure you'd want to see me, Vic.

Thought you might just like to, uh, forget about me.

Now, is it likely that I would forget the man who married my best girl?

- Mmm. - Oh, it's all right, Hugh.

No hard feelings now.

- Meet my assistant Jerry Denham. - It's a pleasure, Mr. Denham.

Same here.

Give him the full treatment, big man, big deal.

Local boy makes good, rags to riches.

Don't be afraid of overdoing it, that's Vic.

The reason your boss

is being so charming to me is we were both in love with the same girl.

That's very interesting.

Well, it was more than interesting at the time, wasn't it, Hugh?

- By the way, how is Miriam? - Miriam? Oh, uh, fine, I guess.

I mean, all things considered.

You know, she was one of the most exciting, one of the most--

Uh, Hugh, does she still look as sharp as she did?

W-Well, you know, time and tide. None of us are getting any younger.

She looks great.

- She does, huh? - Just great.

Well, what are you being so coy and cagey about?

Don't you trust your own charm?

Are you still afraid I might steal her away from you?

No, not at all. It's just that, uh, it was a long time ago.

She was just a kid. Uh, she's changed.

- Only for the better. - Is that so?

I'd love to see her again. Why don't you and she have dinner with me tonight?

Oh, I'd love to, Vic. But I'm afraid Miriam has other plans.

I think that you're afraid to let me get near her.

- Don't be silly. Why should I be? - Why should he be?

- After all, they're divorced. - Divorced?

Oh, what a shame. Hughie, why didn't you tell me?

HUGH: Maybe we should have sent you an announcement.

Oh, I'm sorry, of course.

I've always had a hunch it wouldn't last. You never were quite Miriam's type.

That's right. It only took her 20 years to find out.

Mind if I get a drink?

Eh, young man?

You've, uh, met Mrs. Halsworth, obviously.

Oh, yes. Quite often.

- I suppose he was untrue to her. - No, nothing like that.

Just cruelty. Nice, clean-cut extreme cruelty.

I don't mean to be inquisitive. You see, Miriam was my first real love.

Many years ago, I had the ball on the one- yard line and lost it on a fumble.

- And you'd still like to score. - You're a clever young man.

By the way, is Miriam still living here in town?

She certainly is.

Has a nice little house only a few blocks from the hotel.

- You don't know the address? - I ought to. I'm living with her.

I beg your pardon?

We're related. She's my mother-in-law.

I can't believe it. Miriam has a daughter old enough to be married.

JERRY: Well, that's a matter of dispute.

- But he's married to her, anyway. - It doesn't seem possible.

I married Miriam straight out of high school,

[phone ringing]

shortly after you left town so abruptly, remember?

WOMAN [answering phone]: Hello?

- Yes, this is the Macfarland suite. - Yes.

- Just a minute, please. Ferguson? - Yes, Miss Jessup?

It's Washington calling Mr. Macfarland. Senator Chase.

Excuse me, sir. Senator Chase is calling from Washington.

Oh? Thank you, Ferguson.

Don't you go away, young man. I want to talk to you.

You know, I think he's charming, absolutely charming.

You're not very subtle. You've abandoned hope of my taking Miriam off your hands,

so now you're gonna concentrate on Victor.

I don't follow you.

Oh, yes, you do. You want to move out, have a home of your own.

And you know you won't budge your wife until Miriam is set.

Well, why not? They obviously used to be pretty cozy.

Miriam might like to grab the number-one bachelor in the country.

I can assure you, my boy. Miriam will cheerfully spit in his eye.

- [door opening] - Mother?

Mm-hmm.

Mother, there's just something I've got to talk to you about.

- Oh, really? - What's the matter?

Oh, they're making such a fuss over Victor Macfarland.

Because he made a few million dollars,

so now he can afford to work for the government.

Well, what difference does it make to you?

None at all.

- Did you know him? - Casually.

- How casually? - Hmm? Mmm.

Just casually. What did you want to talk to me about?

- I had lunch with Daddy today. - That was nice.

It was not nice, not at all.

Daddy may fool a lot of people, but he can't fool me.

There's something terribly wrong with him.

What do you mean?

Well, there were lots of pretty girls around, and he didn't even look at them.

Oh, something must be wrong.

He just stared and stared, as if his mind were a thousand miles away.

Uh-huh. Del Mar's opening next week.

Oh, no, Mother. You just don't understand.

It's you. He's just so terribly wretched without you.

- [sighs] Oh, Barbara. - Yes, Mother.

[chuckles] For the last time, I will not discuss your father and me anymore.

- All right, Mother. - Now, do you hear?

Come and help me fix dinner.

[chuckles] It was a nice try.

[humming]

- [humming continues] - Despondent.

- Hi. - Hi, Daddy.

- How are things, Grandma? - Don't call me "Grandma."

- What are you doing here? - A little work in the garden.

I pay Pete $30 a month to take care of the garden.

That butcher. You want those shrubs out there to die?

Oh, honestly.

You'd think he lived here, the way he breezes in and out.

- He still has a latchkey. - Well, why not, Mother?

- Legally, he's still your husband. - Oh, don't be silly.

Now, while I fix the salad, you make the dressing.

Oh, Mother, you make the dressing. You make it so much better than I do.

- Hi, Hugh. - You can't afford those.

I have a very rich friend.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Hi, honey. - What in the world is that?

Just a few exotic blooms from the Orient.

Oh, darling, you are so sweet to make up.

But you didn't have to go overboard like that.

They're not for you, dear.

- They're for your mother. - Huh?

- That's right, Ma. - For me?

- Well, what on earth? - Oh, read the card.

HUGH: Yeah, read it. I'm on pins and needles.

Victor Macfarland?

Well, it looks like the only thing he forgot

was a ribbon saying, "Rest in peace."

MIRIAM: He has a nerve, sending me flowers.

HUGH: Very charming gesture. He's making like a diplomat already.

JERRY: Victor asked me to bring 'em to you.

And he told me to tell you that if you want--

MIRIAM: I don't wish to hear anything about Mr. Victor Macfarland, ever.

Annoyed at him about something?

See, what did I tell ya? Hell hath no fury and so forth and so forth.

- What did he mean by that? - Search me.

Must've been some pretty lively goings-on when they were young.

I can't afford to buy you fancy flowers like Victor.

Not after certain deductions are made from my salary,

but I would like you to have this one, perfect rose,

which I grew with my own hands.

- You're breaking my heart. - Don't you realize what day this is?

Mm-hmm. My lawyer reminded me in triplicate.

MIRIAM: Keep an eye on the stove, baby. I'm going up to change.

Aren't you going to ask Daddy to stay for dinner?

What for?

Well, this is the last day that you and he--

Well, he just adores tamales, and he's working so hard.

- If you want to invite him. - Oh, no, Mother. It's your house.

You ask him.

W-Well, he's probably gone anyway.

- Well, really! - What's the matter?

What on earth are you doing?

Putting on a clean pair of pants.

I will not have you keeping your clothes in this house.

I told him that he could, Mother.

Well, there's practically no closet space in his hotel room.

And he couldn't possibly keep all of his things there.

Oh, never mind.

- Where do you think you're going? - To get a handkerchief.

I keep some in a drawer with your things.

You don't believe in the-the sanctity of divorce, do you?

It's all right for people who've never been married.

I've been sort of hoping you'd kind of miss me around here.

Oh, I have.

I thought about you every time I picked up the phone

and didn't find your bookie on the other end.

So, I make an occasional bet.

If you're going to begrudge a man his simple pleasures--

"Simple pleasures," my foot. Gambling was a disease with you,

like alcohol with some people or taking dope.

I don't even take aspirin.

You're being completely unreasonable.

It's not as if I didn't love you.

You loved your horses, your roses and then me, in that order--

- win, place and show. - That's not fair.

In 20 years, I never even looked at another woman.

Sometimes I wish it had been women.

At least they don't run every day.

If I'd lost a lot of money betting, I could understand your attitude.

- But I used to win. - Oh.

MIRIAM: When I think of all the nights I sat home with a book

while you were off playing poker with the boys.

The only problem you ever had to face was whether we should trade the car in

every year or every other year.

MIRIAM: Maybe you don't think it's humiliating

to have your husband arrested in a gambling raid.

It was more humiliating to me. I had a full house, aces high.

- And the way you behaved in court. - The way I behaved?

Telling the judge you couldn't pay $300 a month alimony.

And then offering to toss him for it, double or nothing.

- [chuckling] He had no sporting blood. - [laughs]

Miriam.

Oh, now-now-now, you'd better get out of here.

I've, uh, got to shower and change.

I've watched you change before.

Let me know if your zipper gets stuck.

[Miriam clears throat]

Suppose I told you I'd quit gambling?

We've had that line before,

and I almost believed you till that shady-looking character turned up

- with $800 you'd won on a race. - I've explained it to you a dozen times.

That was a bet I'd made on the winter book months before. I'd forgotten all about it.

Winter book, summer book, what's the use? You'll never stop gambling.

- You wanna bet? - Ohh.

All right, I don't claim to have reformed overnight.

You didn't leave me enough money to gamble with.

Good. I wanted to teach you a lesson.

Even if it means destroying a marriage?

This is when two people need each other most,

when their children are grown up and have families of their own.

Don't you suppose I've thought about that?

Your daughter suggests you might like to stay for dinner.

I have a better idea. Why don't you and I go out for dinner?

You seem to forget that

- at midnight our divorce is final. - Let's forget it.

Let's even forget we were ever married.

Let's pretend it's our first date, when we were kids.

After dinner, we can go for a drive.

Remember that little spot on the beach where we used to park?

Uh-oh, no.

- Liar. - Oh, that's an old trick.

Y-You hit your funny bone. It's a reflex action.

You always did have beautiful reflexes.

Daddy's up there with Mother.

[scoffs] He told me. Not a chance.

You've had a whole year away from me. Are you any happier now?

- MIRIAM: I'm content. - That's not the same thing.

Haven't there been times in the past

when you felt just a little bit lost and lonely?

MIRIAM: Yes. And you?

- I've been miserable. - Barbara said you were, but

- I thought it was only because-- - Because she wanted us together?

Is that such a bad idea? Miriam, listen to me.

- You look beautiful. - [chuckles] It's only a dress.

- You did ask me to dinner, didn't you? - I sure did.

What are they doing up there all this time?

I don't know.

But I'm hoping for the best.

Meanwhile, we'll probably starve to death.

Oh, here they come.

JERRY: Boy, you like a hundred cents on the dollar.

- Do you think it's too much, darling? - Oh, no.

- Your figure isn't bad at all. - Just as good as yours, tootsie.

Your father and I are going out to dinner.

Oh, that's wonderful!

Don't wait up for us. We're liable to be late.

[phone ringing]

Oh, I'm sorry. Just a minute.

Hello? Mr. Halsworth?

Yes, he's right here.

What?

"Tell him that Annabella came home to pay $16.30

in the seventh at Bay Meadows."

Yes, I'll be sure to tell him.

- Miriam. - Mother.

[doorbell buzzes]

Miriam.

Miriam, darling.

- Va-Victor! - Let me see you.

You look wonderful. "Time and tide," indeed.

I don't believe it. After all this time,

- to see you, to hold you again. - Uh.

That's something I never stopped thinking about.

[gasps]

Well, Victor, I must say, you-you took me completely by surprise.

- What are you doing here? - What do you think I'm doing here?

I'm taking you to dinner. Hugh was supposed to tell you,

but, then, Hugh could never be trusted.

And we're going to make up for a lot of lost time.

I don't like the way he keeps leering at her.

You're fighting me.

You know, I expected to see you sitting in a wheelchair,

the way Hugh had talked about you.

You are lovely, Miriam. I left a little girl,

and now I come back to find a-a woman.

MIRIAM [laughs]: Oh, yes. Definitely a woman.

I want you to meet my daughter, Barbara.

- This is Mr. Macfarland, dear. - I don't believe it.

No. She's a younger sister you never told me about.

HUGH: Oh, brother.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

- I believe you've met Jerry. - Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.

Course, we're old friends. Our minds seem to run in the same channel.

And, of course, Hugh.

Yes, good ol' Hughie. Aren't you up a little late, Hugh?

You look awfully tired.

I'll take a vitamin pill and stay for the second show.

I-I want to thank you for the beautiful flowers.

She threw them in the ash can.

Oh, no. No, Miriam. Why?

There are some things flowers can't explain, Vic.

Oh, you mean about my running away. I want to talk to you about that.

Why don't you and I run up the coast to a pretty little spot I know

and have a nice, quiet, intimate dinner?

Wipe the slate clean, huh?

Sorry, old man, but she happens to be having dinner with me.

MIRIAM: Oh, was I? Well, we can't be rude to Victor, can we?

- I'd like to make it my life's work. - [chuckles]

Oh, same ol' Hughie, lots of enthusiasm but no staying power.

Well, in that case, why not let me join you both?

JERRY: I've got a better idea. We can have dinner right here.

MIRIAM: That's right. We'll make it a buffet.

- There's not enough. - Oh, I'm sure there is.

I'm not very hungry, and your father just lost his appetite.

Fine. I'll make the coldest, driest martinis for auld lang syne.

[Miriam chuckles]

Jerry! Jerry, you listen to me.

Will you stop butting in?

I'm trying to bring Mother and Daddy back together again.

And I don't want this Victor character to gum everything up!

Get the ice.

Here's a terrific chance for her not to be lonely. This is quite a guy--

old beau, big catch and, as for dough, he's loaded.

Now, if these martinis will do as much for your mother.

Jerry, I'm warning you. You keep out of this.

It's every man for himself. Go and knock some canapés together.

VICTOR: You know, I was terribly happy to hear about your divorce.

Terribly sorry I didn't hear about it sooner.

[Miriam laughs] Vic, you haven't changed a bit.

- Just as brash as ever. - Now, I'll ask you a brash question.

Is it customary for the ex-husband to haunt the house of his ex-wife?

There's nothing personal in that, Hugh. It's just that you inhibit me.

HUGH: We are not divorced finally and legally until midnight.

- Shall we synchronize our watches? - [sarcastic laugh]

He doesn't live here, of course.

I'd be glad to eat in the kitchen if I'm depressing you both.

Why, not at all, Hugh. You know I've always liked you very much.

Just that I like Miriam more, so why don't you run along?

You know, I think that's a good idea.

VICTOR: We have so many things to talk about, I don't know where to begin.

MIRIAM: Suppose you begin by telling me why you left here years ago

without even saying good-bye?

Well, now that I'm here, I feel like I haven't been away at all.

- I wish I hadn't. - You haven't answered my question.

VICTOR: Oh, don't make me answer questions. Just let me stand here

- and look at what I've been missing. - Who's for plasma?

VICTOR: Right here.

To our memories of the past and our expectations of the future.

- [baby fussing] - [gulps]

That's funny. It sounded exactly like a baby.

- [baby cooing] - Of all the low, shabby tricks.

She wants to say good night to her granny.

Yes, come on, darling.

Well, now you know the worst, Vic.

- Yours? - Of course.

Didn't you know that Mother's a grandmother too?

Time and tide.

- I'll take her. - Yes. Back to bed, honey.

Well, Miriam, you have found the secret of eternal youth.

HUGH: Baloney, if I'm not mistaken.

Black, please.

How long are you planning to stay here, Vic?

With you? Forever and a day. With one exception.

As soon as the senate calls a hearing on my appointment,

I'll have to fly to Washington.

- Then what? - Well, then London

for the monetary conference.

And, after that, probably to my place in Capri.

HUGH: We used to have a bungalow at Laguna.

You were telling us about your house.

Oh, it's just a little spot where I go to relax--

built in the 15th century, really beautiful rose garden.

You don't say? Is your garden very buggy?

Our roses here are just lousy with aphis.

I'm sure his garden is just fine.

I hope you'll see it with me, Miriam, on my next trip there.

Who knows?

[yawns] Oh, my. It's getting late.

- I guess I must be tired after your trip. - You have had a pretty big day.

I'll be glad to drive you back to the hotel, Hugh.

Oh, that won't be necessary. I have a car and driver waiting outside.

You mean to say, you've kept the poor guy sitting out there

all this time? It's very inconsiderate of you.

Never mind him, Vic.

At midnight, I want you to help me celebrate.

BARBARA: Come on. Let's take these dishes out.

Okay.

I'll help too.

You know, I'm being much too nice to you.

- You still haven't told me-- - Have you ever been to Europe?

No. Somehow I've never managed to get east of Las Vegas.

I can see where I'm going to have to take you out of this rut.

- What's the matter Hugh? - Did you see what that man was doing?

Why, I thought he was being very sweet to her.

Sweet to her?

Right before my eyes, he was playing footsie with her under the table.

Oh, Daddy.

- And she was helping. - But, Hugh, you distinctly--

Nobody asked you for your opinion.

- [♪ big band] - What a coincidence.

You know, they were playing that tune the first night you let me kiss you.

That song hadn't even been written the first time you kissed me.

- Are you sure? - [laughs] Oh, really!

Oh, ho-ho.

[♪ continues]

- Jerry-- - Has he made any passes?

Well, he better not try, that's all.

Haven't heard your mother screaming for help.

- I think she likes him. - I think you're simply awful.

You'd marry Mother to any stranger you picked up on the street.

Girl. Girl. You're talking about the glamour boy of American industry.

Daddy may not be glamorous, but if he's good enough

to be my father, he's good enough to be her husband.

JERRY: I'm afraid Daddy's running out of the money.

- What's the matter? - Very strange smell.

Nothing strange about it. Nice, clean fertilizer. A dollar a sack.

Paid for it out of my own pocket too.

Oh, this hou--

Does he always hang around like this? I mean, did he get custody of the garden?

- No, no. - Course, I know there are these divorces

where the ex-husband, the ex-wife still see each other

and still go out with each other

- and everything. - It's nothing like that.

- He just tries to make a pest of himself. - Then you'll have to be firm.

In my pursuit of you, I have no desire to see his sad eyes watching us.

- I'm much too softhearted. - Seriously, Vic, he's devoted to Barbara

and the baby and-and-and-- and to his roses.

- And you. - Oh, no. That's finished.

Well, let's not talk about him anymore.

In a few minutes, I'll be a free woman.

It's about time Mother was getting to bed

if she's gonna get up and give the baby her 6:00 bottle.

Just for once, you can get up in the morning and feed your own child.

- I wonder where Daddy is? - I left him out on the patio sulking.

Daddy. Daddy, I'm ashamed of you.

Me? Have you seen what they're doing?

JERRY: Well, now, don't be a sad sack.

You said before you didn't want to make up with her.

I most certainly do not.

But, Daddy, you're still in love with her. You know you are.

You can't be proud now.

If your mother wants to flirt with Victor Macfarland,

I can assure you it's a matter of complete indifference to me.

- Now you're talkin'. - You be quiet.

I just wouldn't want to see her do anything foolish.

She doesn't know this guy like I do.

I'm really amazed. She was giving him the full treatment.

But, Daddy, it's your duty to me and the baby to protect her.

You're right. You're absolutely right.

JERRY: Uh-oh. Better keep Vic on the hook.

Miriam, may I speak to you for a moment in the kitchen?

I'll be right back.

Haven't you made enough trouble for one night?

You realize, of course, Miriam, that you're going to make a fool of yourself.

Really?

Victor Macfarland is the number-one top philanderer of the Western Hemisphere.

And no matter what our situation may be,

I have no intention of seeing you get hurt.

Well, that's very sweet of you,

considering you've taken care of that rather nicely yourself.

Miriam, listen to me. You know his type.

A mustache puller, there have been hundreds of women in his life.

Well, naturally. He's a man of the world.

You're probably the first girl he ever knew and lost,

and that's a challenge to that kind of man.

Oh, you couldn't be more wrong. He says he's never stopped loving me.

You don't believe that.

I suppose you think he wouldn't marry me.

- Not even if you drugged him. - So you don't think I could do it.

- I'll lay 20-to-1 against. - You're on.

I thought you didn't approve of gambling?

- This'll be a pleasure. - [clock tolling]

[tolling continues]

Hey, you just made it. After all, this is something of an occasion, isn't it?

I think we ought to have a toast-- nothing morbid, something cheerful.

- I'd like to make it. - It only rang 11.

Do you consider that an ill omen?

- [single ring] - Ring out the old.

Ring in the new.

[♪ big band]

Nice shot!

Take it easy, kid. You look a little pooped.

Did you get your copy of the final decree?

Mm-hmm.

I'm having it framed, next to my canceled alimony checks.

[wedge thudding]

[Miriam grunts]

HUGH: Most athletic courtship I've ever seen.

The way you follow me around, people'll think you're the house detective.

Why, Miriam, no such thing. My job is to report on activities of the hotel--

distinguished guests, romances, infatuations.

Good to see you too.

- Hughie! - Hello, baby.

How are things going?

Doll, you said you're gonna do something about it.

- About what? - That Victor Macfarland.

My motor's been racing since I first laid eyes on him.

I think I can arrange for you to meet him through a mutual friend.

Who's that woman who's always with him? She never gives anybody else a chance.

- I'll see that you meet her too. - Thanks, doll.

[♪ foxtrot]

- Happy? - I don't knowwhat's come over me.

- I feel like a different woman. - I told you I'd get you out of the rut.

- It's almost as if you'd never been away. - I never should've gone.

[song ends]

Which reminds me. You've never told me why--

I'll tell you, but not tonight. We're having too much fun.

Oh, Miriam, this senate call seems to be in limbo

and I was wondering, have you ever been to Mexico?

Hugh and I started for Acapulco on our honeymoon,

but the horses were running in Caliente,

- so we never got any further. - Why don't we fly down to Mexico City,

and let me show you how wonderful it is.

MIRIAM [laughing]: There's nothing we'd do in Mexico City

that we can't do right here.

HUGH: Hi. We were just saying

you two are the handsomest couple on the floor, next to us.

Oh, how gauche of me. Miss Mannering, Mr. Macfarland

- and the ex-Mrs. Halsworth. - How do you do?

And, Vic, Joyce has been terribly eager to meet you and dance with you.

You'll let him go for a few minutes, won't you, dear?

Who's that, your new bookie?

Don't leave me. You're the only woman I know who can follow me.

Oh, I've given that up.

HUGH: I talked to Barbara this afternoon.

She said you didn't get in till 4:00 this morning.

She was quite wrought up about it.

I wish that child would mind her own business.

Oh, come now. Be fair. You've protected her virtue successfully,

now she's trying to protect yours. "Cast your bread upon the waters."

And are you on the defense committee too?

I can assure you, his intentions are not honorable.

But it's no longer my affair.

I couldn't agree with you more.

- Mrs. Halsworth's very lovely, isn't she? - Yes, she is, very.

- Everything considered, I mean. - Hmm?

I hope I look half as good when I'm a grandmother.

Oh, I'm sure you will. Here they come now.

Hugh wants you back.

VICTOR: I'm afraid Miss Mannering much prefers you as a dancing partner, Hughie.

- Can't we get out of here? - We certainly can.

Why don't we have dinner up in my apartment?

There's all the privacy in the world.

Yes.

What happened to that vibrating motor of yours?

He turned off the ignition.

[♪ waltz]

[fingers snap]

[no audible dialogue]

- Shall I open the wine, sir? - Thank you. I'll handle that.

Thank you, sir.

Is there anything else I can do, sir?

I'm afraid not, Ferguson. Good night.

[cork popping]

Isn't it wonderful to get away from the crowd and just be alone like this?

VICTOR: I think it is.

Miriam, you're the most exciting, desirable woman I've ever known.

[whistles] Well!

- And you're an expert on women. - I mean it, darling.

You said that once to me 20 years ago, remember?

We were both just crazy kids then. But we're not now.

We've got a lot of unfinished business.

Where's my champagne?

Miriam, I'm crazy about you.

Now may I have my champagne?

I'm so lucky to have come back just when you're free.

Oh, it's a great feeling.

And you don't even know what it means yet.

I'll never get married again as long as I live.

And why should you? Why do you think I've stayed a bachelor?

To live life as you see it, as you feel it,

with no silly responsibilities to someone else.

I know!

VICTOR: And, Miriam, I will paint you a canvas so grand

that you'll forget this penny postcard life you've been living.

We'll go to London, then the Riviera, always together.

[laughs] Oh, Vic. You mean you and I?

Life can be no fun if you play it safe.

For you and me, it'll be gay and mad and romantic.

- And illegitimate. - Darling, you don't understand.

[laughs] Of course I do.

Vic, grandmothers can't go gallivanting around the Riviera.

You mean--You mean, you and I will be just--

Friends.

- Friends? - Mm-hmm.

We certainly can't be anything else.

I'm not going to--how do they say it-- slip away with you.

And I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.

Am I that bad?

No, Vic. But you've been a bachelor much too long.

You'd make the worst husband in the world.

- I wouldn't be so sure about that. - [laughs] You're spoiled, honey.

Girls fall in love with you at the drop of a hat.

You've had your own way much too long.

Well, maybe I'm tired of all that. Maybe I'm searching for something else.

Well, then, you'll have to find it with somebody else.

A husband is something I can do without very nicely, thank you.

Oh, Miriam, you're being cruel. Look at me. I have everything, except you.

And I want you.

I don't think we better see each other anymore, Vic.

Why?

Oh, 'cause there's no future in it. I'm not going to marry you,

and you're not going to marry anybody, and never the twain shall meet.

Oh, Miriam, you can't walk out like this.

- Why not? - Darling, I'm 20 years late,

but I never make the same mistake twice.

- BARBARA: Jerry. Jerry. - Huh? What's the matter?

- I'm terribly worried about Mother. - Now what?

Well, it's after 3:00. What do you suppose she's doing?

- Probably necking someplace with Victor. - That's not very nice.

Well, maybe not, but it sure used to be fun.

Remember?

[door closing]

There she is now.

JERRY: You want me to bawl her out for sneaking in after curfew?

BARBARA: You're not a bit funny.

- Mother. - Well, are you two still awake?

- JERRY: Slightly, Ma. - Mother, what's happened to you?

- Why, you're positively glowing. - Does it show that much?

Wow, what a knickknack! Congratulations in order?

Mm-hmm. Victor and I are going to be married.

Mother, are you sure you know what you're doing?

I always have before.

Well, tell us, Ma. How'd you nail him? I mean, uh, how'd it happen?

Well, we'd been dancing in the Crystal Room,

and then we had dinner in his apartment.

And, well, one thing led to another,

- and all of a sudden he proposed to me. - Was it his idea or yours?

Don't be silly, dear. You should have seen Victor.

He got the manager to open up the jewelry shop so he could pick out this ring.

- Mother, when are you going to marry him? - On Thursday, darling.

But that's only three days off.

Well, Victor didn't even want to wait that long. You know, he's due in Washington.

And you'll be going with him, naturally.

We're leaving right after the wedding.

As soon as Victor gets his appointment, we'll fly to London.

And then we'll have our real honeymoon in Capri.

Oh, please be happy for me, darling.

But, Mother, how will Daddy feel about this?

Oh, I think he'll approve. After all, it was his own suggestion.

Does he know already? Did you tell him?

No, we both thought it would be nicer if he heard it from Victor.

[baby crying]

MIRIAM: Oh, bless her heart. She probably needs--

- Mother, I'll go. - No, let me do it.

[crying continues]

In a few days, I won't have the chance anymore.

JERRY: Well, that's that. Worked like a charm, didn't it?

What do you expect me to do, pin a medal on you?

Honey, it's not your life, it's your mother's.

This is what she wants. He'll make a wonderful husband for her.

Well, at least a husband.

- But Mother's so naive about men. - Naive?

- How'd she get to be a grandmother? - Just happened to her.

Your mother can look after herself, and we're gonna start looking after ourselves.

First thing tomorrow, I'm going house hunting.

- Poor Daddy. - And we're not moving in with your father!

Miriam, the time has come for us to face facts in a sensible manner.

No.

Miriam, my dear, you're so understanding.

Don't you think we should be sensible about this?

I realize I've said harsh things.

I know I've called you a gold digger, but I didn't mean it.

It was my welfare you were thinking of, and I was too blind to see it.

Yeah. It was my welfare you were thinking of. I was too blind to see it.

After all, Miriam, you never had a thing against me except a harmless little vice.

[groans] Nothing ever really came between us, Miriam, except this

shameful, hideous vice of which I am now completely cured.

[engine starting]

[vehicle departing]

Could you ever forgive yourself if now, out of wounded pride--

yes, or even out of spite-- you should make a tragic mistake

with a man who once walked out of your life without even a word?

After all, we have a child, even a grandchild.

Don't you think we owe it them, to these innocent loved ones,

to let bygones be bygones?

Believe me, my motives are entirely unselfish.

Remember that if you should decide to marry this man,

I would save $300 a month in alimony.

No, Miriam. I'm thinking of your happiness and my happiness.

Or, may I say, our happiness.

- Well, good morning. - Good morning.

Well, aren't you energetic this morning.

Miriam, my dear, the time has come for us to face facts.

Did you see Victor last night? I mean, after we left the Crystal Room.

No, I did not. Miriam, the time has come for us to--

Didn't you hear from him?

No. Mir--Why?

I thought he might have telephoned you.

- Well, I'll be. - You owe me $20.

- We're going to be married Thursday. - I see.

You have my very best wishes.

[laughing]

[squealing]

- Hello, Mother. - Hello, darling.

- May I help you? - No, I'm fine.

- Did Victor call? - At least 10 times.

And there's a whole pile of messages inside for you.

Oh. I just hope I'm ready by tomorrow, that's all.

- And these flowers just came for you. - Isn't that sweet of Victor?

Now, why did he have to do a thing like that?

Well, Pop, I'll be seeing ya.

Why, sure, thanks. I'd love a drink.

And don't look so rattled. I have as much right here as Victor has. More.

- [toy rattling] - [baby laughing]

Mother, don't you think this is rather, well, rather--

- Of course it is, darling. - Hi, Barbara. Miriam.

What's he doing here?

Your father came with me to look at the bungalows.

- Then he asked him in for a drink. - They're very nice homes,

just ideal for a young couple.

Are you buying all this stuff with my money?

You should be happy to get rid of me.

It'll give you an extra $300 a month to bet on the horses.

HUGH: Your mother has a one-track mind.

- All she ever thinks about is gambling. - [doorbell buzzing]

MIRIAM: I'll-I'll get it.

Is she still planning on getting married at the hotel?

As far as I know.

- This is very interesting. - I don't like the way he said that.

- Why, Daddy? - Just before I left the office,

the banquet manager notified me

that Victor was canceling the arrangements for tomorrow.

- Hello! - Hello.

I've been trying to reach you all day.

Oh, I'm sorry. There were so many things to do.

Miriam, something urgent has come up.

Can you be packed and ready to leave with me on the plane for Washington

at 7:30 tonight?

Tonight? But--But we're getting married tomorrow, here!

Well, I'm afraid we're going to have to change our plans.

I've just been notified by the senate committee to appear tomorrow morning.

Oh, but the invitations are out and all the arrangements are made.

But, darling, we'll get married in Washington. It'll be much more exciting.

The Chief Justice of the Supreme Court is an old friend of mine.

He'll be delighted to perform the ceremony.

That'll make us constitutional too.

Oh b--but I'm not packed or anything, and my hair has to be done.

And, well, when do we have to leave?

I have to leave in 40 minutes.

- Forty minutes, I couldn't possibly-- - Oh, now, darling.

Don't get upset.

I'll have Ferguson make your reservation on the noon plane tomorrow.

I'll meet you in Washington.

Oh, this isn't the way I planned things at all.

Well, we've waited for 20 years, darling. Surely one more day won't matter.

Oh, of course not, but you've just taken me by surprise.

But you know how terribly important this senate thing is.

Why, it might mean an ambassadorship or a place in the cabinet.

- I know--Barbara. - What about her?

- I wanted her to be at the wedding. - That's simple.

Bring her along.

Well, that's not so easy with a small child.

- I'll be glad to babysit for you. - Are you here again?

I told you this guy was going to walk out on you.

You don't amuse me.

Miriam, I had to check out at the hotel. If you'll see me off,

I'll pick you up on the way to the airport.

- Yes, dear. - Good-bye.

If you're going to go gallivanting off to Washington when the kids move out,

what happens to the house?

I've had an offer from the McDermitts next door.

They want to tear this place down

and build a swimming pool and a badminton court.

What about my rosebushes?

Speak to the McDermitts.

Maybe they'll let you come around once a week

and chase away the bugs.

HUGH: I can't figure that woman out.

He postpones the wedding; she takes it.

Very simple explanation: She's in love.

Sometimes your husband revolts me.

I know just what you mean.

Well, darling, this is it. Oh, one thing.

Now that I'm leaving, I wouldn't let Hugh hang around if I were you.

Oh, he makes me so mad.

Now that we're engaged, you're in the public eye, you know.

And, like Caesar's wife, you have to be above suspicion.

- I promise not to disgrace you. - Oh, it isn't that.

It's just that those senators might not be so broad-minded

about this arrangement.

I've made your reservations on the noon plane tomorrow, Mrs. Halsworth.

And arranged for your baggage to be picked up.

- Thank you. - Good-bye.

- Good-bye. - Good-bye, darling.

I'll call you as soon as I get to Washington.

Oh, Vic! Vic, before you go, I've got to know something.

- Darling, I haven't time. - No, now stop evading the issue.

If we're to be married, I insist that you tell me.

Isn't it enough for you to know that I love you?

Yes, it is, but I want to know why you ran out on me 20 years ago.

I'd prefer that you get that information from Hugh.

Oh, don't you think I've tried to gouge it out of him?

He just grins at me with that silly look on his face.

Darling, I haven't got time. I'll tell you someday.

No, tell me now!

[engines roaring]

Darling, it's all very silly, but if you insist--

- Talk louder I can't hear you! - [indistinct]

We're taking off!

[indistinct]

Then they said if I gave them a check for the down payment,

we could be out of escrow in a week.

Oh, yeah. And there's an automatic garbage disposal unit in the kitchen.

- Are you listening to me? - Why do we have to rush into this?

I mean, if Mother's going away and all--

No dice. We're not staying on here.

But, darling, we don't even own a stick of furniture.

We'll start from scratch like other married people.

I know! Why couldn't we just buy this place from Mother?

For one thing, we can't afford it.

For another, we can't afford it.

Daddy. Yes, that's it.

Daddy could come in on it with us.

Well, you know how he feels about his garden.

And anyway, he shouldn't be living in a hotel.

Honey, listen. You're my wife, and I'm your husband.

There was a little line in the ceremony--"forsaking all others"--

That's all I'm asking. I love your mother and I love your father,

but that doesn't mean I want to live with either of them.

That's quite obvious.

You get Mother married off to the first man that came along.

Just to get rid of her.

I married her off?

Well, you threw Victor at her right from the start.

Well, she caught the throw, didn't she?

If you'd only stop for a minute to consider my feelings. Or Daddy's.

You're not upset because your mother's marrying the wrong man,

but because she won't be around any longer to wait on you hand and foot!

- Well, I'm all for it! - Don't shout. You'll wake up the baby.

It's about time you stopped hanging onto your mother's skirts!

Well, what's wrong with wanting to have your parents be happy or--

or living in the house where you grew up?

This may be your home, but it's not ours.

And I'm not spending a minute more here than I have to!

If you're in such a hurry to get out of here, why don't you go right now?

- Nobody's stopping you! - You'd like that, wouldn't you!

To have your husband walk out on you now.

You'd figure that that would keep your mother

from leaving for Washington tomorrow!

- I never thought of… any such thing. - But you're thinking about it now!

You make me sick! I don't care when you move out or where!

- You can live anyplace you want to! - That's what I intend to do.

I'll be at the hotel until you and Annabella care to join me!

Don't count on it!

That monster! How could he do a thing like that to me?

Mother, what's the matter?

If he ever dares to show his face here again--

But, Mother, what happened? Did Victor do something?

I'm not talking about Victor. I'm talking about your father!

- But what did Daddy do? - Never mind what he did.

Of all the contemptible, shabby, unpardonable things--

I'd like to tell him--

I will tell him!

Come on, let's play poker. Knock it off, boys.

- Bet your aces. - Bet five.

- Give me a refill, will you, sweetie? - [chattering]

- [phone rings] - Scotch and soda.

Hello? Well, I don't think he can be disturbed now.

Just a moment.

Hughie, it's that woman you were married to.

- Sit in for me, will you? - Sure, doll.

[chattering continues]

- Hello, Miriam. - I just want you to know

that I think you're the lowest, vilest, most horrible creature in the whole world!

- What? - And furthermore,

I'm going to tear out every one of your rosebushes with my bare hands

and leave them here to wither and die!

[line clicks]

Three queens. I won.

- Hughie, I won! - MAN: Let's play something else.

- Parcheesi, maybe. Shall we? - Good girl. Deal me out, fellas.

Mother, will you please tell me what happened?

- He's ruined my life. - You mean you're not gonna marry Victor?

No, of course I'm going to marry him.

But if you ever dare mention that other man to me again--

What's the trouble?

And that goes for you too.

Don't you ever dare mention his name in this house.

- You mean Victor? - No, I mean your father-in-law.

Well, why? What happened?

Oh, I'd like to brain him. That's what I'd like to do.

I thought you were packing.

I am but you've got my suitcases full of old letters!

Well, they're letters from you. And for all I care, you can burn them.

Got a match?

- What's the matter with you two? - Oh, nothing.

[sobbing] Jerry's just leaving me, that's all!

- What? - Oh, Mother!

Oh, darling. No, no. Now stop acting like a baby.

BARBARA: I guess we just don't have any luck with our men.

Divorce just runs in this family.

No. Nonsense. Now come here.

- Come on. Come over here. - Oh, Mother.

- Now, tell me all about it. - I told you.

Jerry doesn't want to live with me anymore.

Now, if you mean he doesn't want to live here anymore, I don't blame him.

You two should have had your own home long ago.

Anyway, you can't go to Washington now and leave me all alone.

- [sobbing] - Oh, no, Barbara.

Now, I'm not going to rearrange my whole life for you.

It's high time you grew up and learned how to solve your own problems.

Now you're gonna turn against me, just like Jerry!

Well, I don't care what either of you do!

HUGH [slurring]: Pete, George,

be careful where you put those rosebushes on the truck.

JERRY: Hugh, what are you doing sneaking around at this time of the night?

Shh. I need help.

Have you been drinking?

Desperate situations call for desperate measures.

JERRY: What do you think you're doing?

- Moving my rosebushes. - Where to?

Don't know yet. But I'm not gonna let Miriam destroy them.

Here. Pitch in. Start with this one.

Say, where are you going?

To the hotel. I had a fight with Barbara.

Incidentally, what did you do to make Miriam so sore at you?

Me? Nothing.

I was just spending a quiet evening at home, holding three queens--

Well something must've happened.

She's been ranting about you ever since she got back from the airport.

I thought she was just angry because a girl answered the phone.

- Is she still up? - Yes.

But unless you're heavily insured, I wouldn't--

Hold the fort.

JERRY: Hugh, I'm warning you.

[doorbell buzzing]

- [gasps] - I should like to talk to you.

Go away. I never want to see your face again.

I believe I have a right--

I have nothing to say to you. Now go away!

BARBARA: Who was it?

- Your father. - Oh.

[knocking]

[sighs] Go to bed.

[knocking continues]

If you don't stop, I'll call the police!

I wish to demand to know what that mysterious telephone call was all about.

All right, I'll tell you.

Did you or did you not shoot craps over me with Victor 20 years ago?

- Did you say craps? - Yes, I said craps.

- So Victor told you? - Is it true?

Yep. We rolled for you behind the girls' gym at Jefferson High.

Loser to say nothing and blow.

He lost. He blew.

That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard!

Don't look at me. Victor gambled for you too.

I'm sure it wasn't his idea.

You're right. Victor never had an idea in his life.

Well, at least he's a man of honor. He kept his word.

He never even mentioned it until tonight when I forced him to.

I knew I couldn't trust him to keep his mouth shut.

Oh, you--

You have messed up my whole life!

As I see it, I saved you from making a big mistake.

But don't expect me to do it again.

If it hadn't been for you, I could've been married to Victor 20 years ago.

That would make me a bachelor and Victor a grandfather.

No, no. I don't think he'd like it.

Oh, I'm just glad I divorced you

before I found out what a heel you really were!

[locks clicking]

[knocking]

[doorbell buzzing]

- JERRY: What do I do now? - Lift it ever so gently.

HUGH: Gently. Easy.

- What's going on here? - Who wants to know?

- He wants to know. - We're--We're gardening.

- In the middle of the night? - Eliminates the danger of sunstroke.

- OFFICER #1: Do you live here? - Well, not exactly,

but these are my rosebushes.

Have you got any identification on you?

Well, I got a mole on my right shoulder.

OFFICER #2: What are we wastin' time for? Let's run 'em in.

Go ahead, arrest me. I dare you. I double dare you.

Look, Officer, I can explain the whole thing. This man's my father-in-law.

- That's nice. Who are you? - He's my son-in-law.

Abbott and Costello. Do you own this house?

- No, but I live here. - What are you doing with those bags?

He's moving out.

I've had enough of this. Let's run 'em in.

Now wait a minute.

If you'll ask at the house, they'll tell you who we are.

HUGH: They're not being very sociable to us, but maybe they'll talk to you.

[doorbell buzzing]

- Maybe it's Jerry. - Jerry's been gone half an hour.

That's your father again, and we're not going to answer.

- Good night, Mother. - Good night.

- OFFICER #1: Nobody answers. - OFFICER #2: Natch.

But I know they're in there.

Must be playing possum.

You take care of these characters. I'll come along with the truck.

OFFICER #2: Uh-huh.

HUGH: I'm warning you. I tell ya' I'm warning you.

If anything happens to those rosebushes, I'll sue you for everything you got.

- Including your pensions! - What's the rhubarb?

OFFICER #1: We caught these guys digging up a strange lawn

and carting the stuff away.

These are my rosebushes,

and I'll lead 'em around town on a leash if I want to.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Say, isn't that a polyantha?

No, a--a hybrid tea. I--I bred it myself.

How'd you get that pink flush around the border?

Well, I crossed a--a President Hoover with a Queen Mary.

Took me seven years to propagate it.

Say, I'm having trouble with my climbers. Maybe you could help me.

- May I use the phone? - Sure.

- I do not need a lawyer. - I'm going to call Miriam. Excuse me.

OFFICER #3: Are your roses very buggy?

HUGH: Well, out here, of course the roses are just loaded

with aphis and rotenone.

[phone rings]

Hello. Yes, dear.

What are you doing at the police station?

But what-- Yes, but--

But-- All right. All right. I'll--I'll be right down.

- Thanks, Ma. Good-bye. - Was that Daddy?

- No. For a change, it's your husband. - Jerry.

Pardon me.

He got himself arrested somehow

and he wants me to come down and identify him.

I'll go with you.

Well, we can't both go, darling. Somebody's got to stay with the baby.

Well after all, Mother, I'm still married to Jerry,

and if he's in trouble, it's my duty to go.

That's right. You go. I'll stay here.

Oh, no, I wouldn't know what to do by myself.

We'll just have to take Annabella with us.

All right.

MAN #1: Come on, Hugh, give out.

MAN #2: What'd you call us down here for?

- MAN #3: We've been in jails before. - Now just be patient, fellas.

MAN #4: You said it was a big deal.

WOMAN #1: Strictly the woman's angle.

WOMAN: #2: Is this a local joke? Or can we put it on the wires?

Is the future Mrs. Victor Macfarland news?

- Sure. Good as gold. - Well, there she is.

MAN #1: Mrs. Halsworth, would you care to make a statement?

No, not now.

MAN #2: Have you been in touch with Mr. Macfarland about this?

Oh, Jerry.

MAN #3: Do you plan to marry right away?

- Are you all right? - Sure I'm all right.

Oh, I'm so sorry I said all those mean things to you.

And I'll live anywhere you want me to.

One divorce in this family's enough.

I might have guessed you were mixed up in this.

- OFFICER: You know this man? - Only too well.

Tell them who those rosebushes belong to.

Is this why you dragged me down here at 1:00 in the morning?

I didn't even know you were coming.

I don't care what he does with his rosebushes or what you do with him.

- That's all we wanted to know. - Thanks, Lieutenant.

I'll see that you get that booklet on leaf mold.

Thanks!

If I'd known you were here, I wouldn't have lifted a finger.

Don't you know better than to bring a baby to a place like this?

- This isn't a place for grown-ups either. - I didn't tell you to come here.

- [indistinct arguing] - PHOTOGRAPHER: Hold it.

WOMAN: Well, will you try again, please?

FERGUSON: Mr. Macfarland, those reporters are still out there

clamoring for a statement.

Tell them I have no comment.

If you don't speak to them now

they'll catch you on the way to the senate hearing.

Why does this have to happen to me today of all days?

Just a minute. They still can't reach Mrs. Halsworth.

Hello, operator. This is Victor Macfarland.

I've had this call in all morning.

I don't believe the line has been busy this long.

All right. Will you please check with the local operator

and have her see if the line is out of order.

- Jerry, what color is the kitchen? - Uh, blue, I think.

Oh, that's nice. I like blue.

- JERRY: Hi. - Hi.

I'm going to change my clothes, then I'll drive you to the airport.

Are you sure it's all right for you to stay away from the office?

I've got a very easygoing boss.

- [doorbell buzzes] - That must be the express man.

I'll get it.

Well, hello.

- Why aren't you at the office? - Why aren't you?

Miriam. So you're really serious about this.

I thought you were supposed to stay away from here.

I just came by to pick up my clothes, if you don't mind.

Well, make it snappy.

My, aren't we in a foul mood this morning.

Thanks to you, I didn't get any sleep last night.

I slept like a baby.

If it's all right with you, I'd like to go upstairs

and get my handkerchiefs out of your drawer.

MIRIAM: I'm only surprised you still don't keep your toothbrush here.

I do. It's in the garage with my shaving kit.

Oh, I've got a going-away present for you.

- My latchkey. - Oh, thanks.

[phone wailing]

The operator's trying to get you.

Hello? Yes, it is.

I don't want any calls.

Washington? All right, I'll take it.

Hello. Victor?

Miriam, I've been going crazy!

Miriam, I've been going crazy trying to reach you.

What is all this I read in the papers

about your getting involved with Hugh and the police?

It's much too complicated to explain it to you now.

I'll tell you all about it when I get to Washington.

That's just it, Miriam. You can't come to Washington now.

The reporters have been hounding me all morning.

They'll be waiting for you at the airport.

The whole thing'll degenerate into a three-ring circus.

But, Victor, I'm all packed!

Still trying to wriggle out of it, is he?

I've already changed my plans for you once.

If you'll just hold off until this thing blows over and I'm confirmed.

Listen darling, I've been waiting for this break for 20 years!

I thought you'd been waiting for me for 20 years.

That's telling him.

Did I hear Hugh's voice? What's he doing there?

If you must know, he's getting his things out of my room.

Do you mean that you're still seeing him after what happened last night?

VICTOR [over phone]: You can't come to Washington now.

Victor. Victor!

The reporters have been hounding me all morning.

Victor!

Victor, stop yelling about Caesar's wife!

I'm not your wife, and you're not Caesar!

- [doorbell buzzes] - He always did have a terrible temper.

I'll answer the door.

Being engaged doesn't give you the right to--

Well, I have certain rights too, and one of them is to become disengaged.

Well, if that's the way you feel about it.

Now, Miriam, you mustn't be rash.

That kind of publicity right now can do me just as much harm as--

I'll send you the ring. Airmail, registered. Special delivery.

- MAN: Halsworth? - Oh, no. No Halsworth here.

I'm afraid you must have the wrong number. Try up the street a block.

That was the man for the baggage. I told him he had the wrong house.

Well, don't look so smug. I don't want any part of you either.

- Any man who'd shoot craps for a woman. - It was the luckiest roll of my life.

I've always kept those dice as a souvenir.

That's the one thing I can never forgive you.

It proves you didn't really love me.

And here I've gone along all these years thinking that I did.

If you loved me, you wouldn't have taken the chance on losing me.

Miriam.

What's the matter with you?

- Here. - What?

- Roll 'em. - What for?

Come on.

Four and three. So what?

Roll 'em again. Harder.

- Uh-uh. - Oh.

[fingers snap]

You-- You cheated!

It was the only time in my life.

- But the stakes were pretty high. - [laughs]