Original subtitles

You never have to feel that the night is yours alone.

Rushing through the storm, captivated by the world beyond.

You are alone.

It's a small world that you've grown.

It is the greatest love of all.

Because the greatest love is happening to me. Because

the greatest love is inside of me.

I believe that children are the future.

You come right and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they

inside.

Give them a sense of pride.

I'll make it easier.

Let the children's laughter

remind them how it used to be.

I succeed.

Ed, what's up with you?

Give us a break.

Hang on, hang on.

Come on, he's half back.

Bloody hell, Tommy.

Have you been sponsored by Accurist? Good time keeping too much to ask for

days, is it?

He came into my life And now he's taken over And it's beautiful

Still tickles you that long, doesn't it, Ken?

Smile, Tommy.

Hi.

How are you, pal?

Surviving.

Who, me?

Oh, I'm fine, thanks.

Charlie Taylor snuffed it last Friday.

Did he?

Charlie Taylor.

What a bugger.

Seventy -seven, he were.

And he never once been to Seaside.

154.

Oh.

Oh, my mate, for dropping that fly.

You never know when the Grim Reaper's gonna come knocking.

Me again.

I'm thinking of making it happy hour, Tommy. What do you think?

It's old.

I can't bear to look at him. Gets right on my nerves. Oh, I know. He annoys me

and all.

Married to a woman, you know.

Florence Llewellyn Bowham?

Never. She is.

What's ever next?

I know.

I'd have put money on him being one of them gays.

No, he's not.

But I bet he helps them out when they're busy.

I'm just going for a quick bath.

OK, love.

Why not?

Oh, Winnie, I don't need my room cleaning this week.

Right. She has more baths than Cleopatra.

I love her to bits, but she'll be in there in ten minutes taking her keep

class. Then she'll have another bath and our poor Kenneth downstairs on his own

grafting away.

He asked her twice as much now since she left him.

You always say she did nothing.

Oh, well, you know what I mean.

Can't he take on more staff?

Well, that's what I've said.

But he don't want to pay me saving up, ain't he?

What for?

Well, they're off to Crete again.

And all these abroad don't pay for themselves, do they? No, they don't.

He'd be happy enough somewhere over here, but our Melanie likes Crete, so...

of story.

That's what's happening, you see, Winnie.

He's working all hours, God send, so I mainly can have an expensive holiday.

Not fair.

Not fair at all.

Are they taking you again, Jean?

Yeah, hopefully.

All right, Ken.

Right, isn't that an open show, Guinness?

Please, Ken, yeah. Definitely not in.

Not unless he's playing hide -and -seek with Tommy.

Yeah. You all right, Tommy?

Joe.

You're early tonight.

Have you got your apprentice clocking you off again?

Yeah. Foreman has a dental appointment.

What time did he go?

About 30 seconds before me.

Hey!

Hey, cut you a bit fine this time, though, Ken.

Nearly overtook him coming out the car park.

So what time did you finish your fiddler?

Oh, seven.

I'm a bit skint this week, so need to put some overtime in, you know.

Would

you

like a shamrock, Joe?

Oh, no, you can have them. They look not like shamrocks.

It's a pub, not an art gallery.

Go on then, just one leaf though, I'm gagging. It's better lad.

Ooh.

I would go out tonight, but I haven't got a stitch to wear.

This is me, this charming man. Label, rough trade. Year, 1983.

Correct all 80.

He's a daddy. Top man.

What's up?

Please, Ken.

I'll get this. I'll just come in.

He knows that. He's been hiding round the corner for the last half hour

for you. Bloody hell, Ken.

He'll never get through the door.

He'll be here at work, Duffy.

Well said, pal. It's no wonder.

I'm the same.

4 .20, Joe.

Here you go.

Cheers, matey. Yeah, good health.

Did you save one for yourself?

No. I didn't think you did.

Nice try, though.

You never know your luck in a big city.

There you go, crabby arse.

Hey.

Hey, have you lads got your name down for a big boys' bino?

Nowhere, is it? This year?

Hey, York.

Hang on, let me turn this shite down.

Hey, Angle.

What's going on?

What? York, Saturday the 26th. Get in here. 10 .30, get some breakfast down

neck, a few pints, we get on the bus, all the yacht races, a few sponge hulets

on the GGs, a few more pints, back on the bus, stop off on the way back at the

world -famous Bamboo Club.

Whoa!

Top comedian, top up with the hill, top of the boat, two sisters, pole dancers,

the best in the business.

Do you know what they're called?

What?

Twin cheeks.

Climax and Tommy's bag that's kicking in. We pulled Walt out of there, back

the coach, back here for the locking.

Are you up for it? Yeah, I'm up for it now.

Hey!

To the regiment.

I wish I was there.

Hey!

Get your name on there, not before Donald Duck again.

I love Crete.

I can spend hours in the old town square just staring at the locals.

Don't mind it over there, you know. Don't they?

Oh, it sounds lovely.

Well, it just gives me a chance to unwind and do nothing for a couple of

Oh, you'll be having a week in Scarborough again, will you?

Bill won't go anywhere else. I'm fed up of it.

Oh, I bet you are.

Same place for the last 14 years.

I know.

There's not a room there that doesn't need decorating now, and the food's

been anything to write home about.

That's no good, is it?

No.

To be honest, I don't think his sister looks forward to us stopping with her

anymore.

It's worth a wheel.

Oh, thanks.

Hiya. Hiya, Eddie.

Hiya, John. Tommy.

John. Ken.

Eddie.

John. Hiya.

Part of a bitter and a Guinness in black. Oh, please, Ken.

Would you like a shower at John's? Yeah, it's no trouble, Ken. Not for you,

love. All part of the service.

Are you having one, Tommy? No, thanks. I'll stay on my own.

Right -o.

Oh. See, they've got temporary traffic lights over at Samuel Street, Ken.

What? Yeah, temporary traffic lights, yeah.

Resurfacing it.

Go on the top, yeah, from the top into Piper Street, past McBitty's, up to the

bank on Birdall Lane.

Right. Yeah, there's talk it's all going to be one way now.

Hmm?

Hiya. Hey, up, it's the aerobics girls.

Hiya. Go on up, girls, Mel should be out in a minute.

Oh, no. Quick drink in a ciggy first.

Ken would have been... Thank you, that's fine. It is a girl's.

You're, um... Two gin and tonics. Oh, slimline, Ken.

Of course.

Tandy, can you wait on Friday night as well, exactly?

I've got that Bonneton's promotion on.

Oh, why, George Clooney hadn't rung me back by then, I'm all yours. Yeah, I am.

All right, thanks, love.

It's 4 .75, please. I'll get the...

Yeah, I called the toffee out from the top end of Piper Street, passed my

vitties up to the bank on Birdall Lane.

There's talk it's all going to be one way now.

That means I'm going to have to go left down to the traffic lights at Oldsworth

Square, come back on myself, rejoin it at the bottom of Eskid Street.

I've worked out that it's going to put at least ten minutes on my journey time.

Back door, Eddie.

I'd better go, it might be Michael Aspel for you.

Oh, yeah.

Hi, Ken. The usual.

Hi, please, Ken.

Yeah,

I've worked out it's going to put at least ten minutes on my journey time in

mornings, Ken.

What about you, Ken?

How will it affect you?

I don't give a shite, Eddie. I've not been listening to a word he said.

He was 4 .60, cock.

Right.

Right, all?

Yeah.

Exact mundo.

Turn that nonsense off. Right.

Come on, Ken. Chop, chop.

Right, who's got the short straw then?

I have the coke's for me. I'm driving.

Right.

You've got my wee choice of Ken.

Right.

What time are you working till, lads?

Just a couple more hours now. Time for this and a quick one in the oak.

So we'll be time to clock off after that.

Right.

You been busy today, Ken?

Snowed under.

What about you, lads?

Well, you make your own work in this game, don't you?

Right.

Oh, by the way, Friday night we've got a bonnetage promotion.

We're all out for half the time, aren't we? Oh, Ken, by doing us a favour, keep

the curtains closed, will you?

When we came past your own patrol last Saturday, it was like last night to the

proms. Right, lads. Point taken?

I mean, we didn't like saying that when we came in. We had a great night, didn't

we, Phil? Oh, we had a ball, oh, yeah, but...

He's right about the curtains.

It's not us, Ken.

You're all right with us, but if one of these rookies clocked it, you've had it.

Oh, I know, yeah.

I don't know where they're getting from, Ken.

I mean, you need all levels here just to be a bubby. What's all that about?

They're all right in training college, doing the dissertations, but when it

comes to real coppering, they haven't got a clue.

Oh. Oh.

How's school going, love?

School?

Not... school now, Winnie. It's university.

It's not university, Nana. It's college.

Oh, well, it's all the same to us, isn't it, Winnie? Yeah, it's all the same to

us, Melanie.

It's going all right, thanks, Winnie.

Nana, can I borrow your disabled badge? I'm going into town after this class.

I don't know where it is, love. I think your dad had it last when he went to the

bank. No.

You had it after that, didn't you? When you went shopping. Don't worry, I'll

find it.

Oh, Winnie.

I meant to show you something.

Now, what have I done with it?

What? Hang on, it's here somewhere.

Ah, here it is.

What do you make of that?

Is that Reanie's lad? Yeah, the oldie.

Oh, whatever possessed him?

Oh, Jean.

I know.

Oh, poor Reanie.

I only saw her last Wednesday.

Oh, she don't deserve this. She's a lovely woman, Reanie. I've got a lot of

for her. Oh, so have I.

What must she be going through?

How embarrassing.

And we're just flicking through it on Thursday. I almost didn't see it.

Well, let's hope nobody else does for Aimee's sake.

Yeah, let's hope not.

Do you want a ticket with you?

Show it to your friends? Yes, I will, if it's OK.

Yes. I got our Melanie to do me some photocopies.

At university.

Oh.

Did you hear about Gyro Jim on Thursday night, lad?

No, no. Did you hear about... about him, girls? No.

Can I tell this one, love? No, you can't, Eddie.

All right. Well, he was sat over there where you are, Tan, you're right.

Junk as a skunk as usual.

Next thing, he gets on his mobile phone and rings up the Peking Palace round the

corner. He orders his chicken and eggy fried rice.

He asks if they deliver.

They say yes.

Ten minutes later, he goes round there. He says, did you get that order for

Gyro, Jim, Ted, Churchill Street?

They said yes.

He says, well, see you as you go in. I'm Gyro.

Most of it is, he gets in Peking's car and it's his chicken and egg fried rice

on the wheel!

I said I'm bloody offended.

Oh, no, they've not been writing about you and Joan on the toilet door again,

have they? No, no, it's, er... It's Ken signing the gents.

Why, what's it say, Eddie?

It's about faggots being thrown in the new rhinos causing a build -up of piss.

How would you like to fish them out, it says?

Well, just ignore it, Eddie.

No, no, I can't do that, can you?

Have you got one in the ladies?

There's no rhinos in the ladies, is there, Eddie?

Yeah, well, it's got nothing to do with me.

Apart from possibly the build -up of piss.

Calm down, Eddie. You won't think it's you.

Oh, do you know?

You don't smoke, do you?

Oh, well, I'm still offended, mind.

No, we're not back at school, are we? Huh?

Yes, they're there.

A pack of their dry roasted, please, Ken.

Where's the peacocks? Here.

Here's a camando.

Did you hear about the off -licence on the corner of Burton Street, Ken?

What? It was done over last night in the early hours.

What, again?

We got anybody for it?

We were very close, Ken.

What happened? Somebody living opposite saw them breaking in and phoned 999

straight away.

So the station radioed us, but we were picking our Katie up.

She'd been to a club in town with her mates, and by the time we dropped all

off home and shot up to Burton Street, they'd got away.

Scum.

Bloody scum.

That's what we're dealing with, Ken.

Scum. Keep your eyes peeled, though, Ken. They've started to offload the

booze and cigs in the pubs now.

Right, OK.

Right, Phil. Right. Do you know where the disabled badge is? I'm going out

straight after my class.

Aren't you working tonight?

I was hoping I could have the night off.

You had a night off last night.

Please, Dad.

Mel, you have more nights off than Father Christmas.

Please.

Go on, then. Oh, thanks, Dad.

Hey, Mel, you've not seen anyone in here selling dodgy booze and ciggies, have

you?

Only you, Dad.

Bugger lugs.

Have you seen it, then?

It's in there.

Do you need another one, Ken? We can soon sort that out. No, you're not

It'll be here some way.

Let the dogs see the rabbits.

Where are you going, anyway, love?

Go and see my mum for an hour, and then we'll take pictures with Liam.

No, say hello to your mum for me, will you?

Yeah, of course.

I suppose Liam will be meeting you inside the pictures with any time he

Dad, he's not tight. We always split it.

Well, he should be paying for the privilege of having you on his arm.

There you go.

I'm getting to think with this.

Oh, you're OK, Dad. I'm fine.

Come on, that Keora runners that Liam gets is not going to last you all night,

is it?

Thanks,

Dad. I'll see you later.

And, hey, remember...

Keep your hand on your arm there.

How about last night like that?

I don't know. Another night off. You're too soft with her. You're making a rod

for your own back.

Well, it's hardly the Munich Beer Festival in here, is it?

Anyway, she's a good kid.

I don't think she's a kid anymore, Ken.

Don't remind me.

Is she still serious about finding her real dad?

Yeah. Is that why you're being the softest shite with her?

Hey, if I'm ever seven storeys upstairs on the window ledge, I just hope it's

not you, Julie, sending round to tart me down.

Do you want a top -up, Niles?

Oh, ah, go on. Just a little one.

Hey, uh, this isn't from the off -licence robbery, is it, Ken?

No, you know me better than that, lad.

You got any idea who did it, then?

Yeah, we got a tip -off from a grass.

Reckons it's a gang from the Lowfield Road estate.

I'm not surprised.

It's like Beirut down there, isn't it? Is it?

I don't know.

We won't go up there if we can help it. And if we do, we don't stop.

The blue light's on, we're straight through.

Don't blame me, lad.

Keep your eyes peeled, though, Ken.

Like we said, we're going round the pubs trying to offload it all now. The grass

was definite about that.

Will do, no prob.

Who is the grass, anyway?

Can't reveal that, Ken.

He's in the witness protection programme.

Is it really Piers?

Yeah.

Jo, do me a favour.

Remind Calvin for me while I go up to our own legs.

You're joking, aren't you, Janice? Oh, please, Jo, be no trouble.

He's asleep.

I'm not Mary Poppins. I'm having a pint.

Please, Jo, I've got to get my figure back.

His dad won't look at me if I don't lose my belly.

We don't know the daddy.

No. I want to fancy for his dad won't look at me.

Bloody hell.

Kids need a father, Jo.

Oh, I know.

Please, Jo, I won't be long.

Please. Go on, hurry up. Ah, thanks, Joe. You're a star.

Aye. Aye, you duffer.

Aye, Janice.

If he wakes up, he's buckled under his pillow.

All in Joe.

Not near the baby, eh? Bloody hell.

Thanks, Joe.

Any time, Janice.

Does she like her?

Could be yours, this. How come I'm looking after him? Hey, don't be

that about.

It's everything a good room might manage, that.

What, having an affair, yeah?

Oh, the missy's finding out.

Anyway, you can hardly call a knee -trembling Ladbrokes doorway an affair,

you? Bet your wife's list is good if she's found out. Not going to know, is

Let's open that, eh?

Exhibit A, Your Honour.

You're loving this, you, aren't you?

I'm just stating a fact.

Good chance he's yours.

No chance.

Let your odds on at Ladbrokes.

Hey,

could have had a bet on yourself. Pity they weren't open.

They were.

As long as he...

The audience went wild.

Oh.

All right, Kenny?

Yeah, I'm just setting the video for Footballers' Wives.

No, it just reminded me.

Hey, what about Reanie's lad in the paper?

Oh, no.

She'll be mortified, won't she? Yeah.

I feel sorry for the poor little... I like Reanie.

That's exactly what we were saying a minute ago, isn't it, Winnie? Yeah,

exactly what we were saying a minute ago, Ken.

Let's hope not many people have read about it, eh?

It's a bit late for that.

Some callous pig's had it photocopied. Just passed it round the bar last night.

What sort of person would do that?

You'd think they had nothing better to do with their lives, wouldn't you?

Make sure to record this for me, Mum.

I'll see you in a bit.

Bloody hell, eh? You've only just been, haven't you?

Don't want to have any chance to enjoy it, Michael, you.

Yeah, I know. A little and awful with me now, Duffy.

I'm sure it's me prostrate.

Do you want me to turn the tap on for you? Oh, no, no, I'll be all right in a

minute. Always takes longer when I'm stood next to someone.

Right.

I've been feeling Tommy around about the roadworks up on Samuel Street.

Oh, there she goes.

Yeah, according to Tophie, I'm from the top end of Piper Street past McVitie's

up to the bank on Bird Hall Lane.

Have you seen it, Duffy?

No. Never watched Newsnight, Eddie.

Yeah, they've got temporary traffic lights up there. Of course, in Havoc it

Havoc! You just pissed on your shoes, Eddie.

Have I?

Oh, right.

Yeah, there's talk it's going to be all one way when it reopens. Did you know

that, Duffy?

I put it in my diary when I got home, Eddie.

You know that, Joe.

No, Eddie.

Yeah, I'm going to have to go all the way, down to the chocolate place and all

to a square, come back on myself, hang a left at the roundabout and rejoin it at

the bottom of Eskett Street.

Right, Eddie.

I've worked out that it's going to be an extra ten minutes on my journeys in the

morning.

That's no good, is it?

Or is it, Tech?

No.

What about you, Joe? Will you get stuck in it going to work?

No. I usually get the train.

Wouldn't you say the trend's more reliable, Joe?

Leave me alone, Eddie.

I'm having a shit.

Right.

Bye, Joe.

Er, don't be expecting Joe back just yet, Duffy. He's having a shit.

Cheers,

Eddie.

Joe's just having a shit, Joan.

Oh, is it?

Yeah.

I mean, that happened to my own missus the other day.

She went to see her sister for a quick brew.

She's only been in there two minutes.

Next thing, the car alarm goes off. So they go out to speak to her, and some

young scally's legging it down the path with a car stereo under his arm. In

broad daylight, this was.

Bloody hell. Did she report it?

Well, what's the use?

You're right. It's terrible, isn't it?

Anyway. See you soon, Ken.

We'd better get off.

Come on, come on, crack it yourself.

Cheers, Ken.

Bye -bye, Ken.

See you soon.

How's the game of cards, lads?

Ah, yeah, go on then.

What's that?

That's a baby, that, Ken.

I can see that, Duffy. Whose is it? It's Janice Carr's. It's not a bloody crest,

is it, you know?

10p a car, then?

You don't care, you, do you?

Is that your hat, Tommy?

Spent up, have you?

No, I'm going to Uranus for a smoke.

I won't put it back to you, either.

Bloody miserable old sod.

He can bring his marigolds in tomorrow and fish them out his tail.

Dad, who's this there?

It is.

I told you my class is getting bigger and I need more room. You'll have to

your train set out there before the end of next week.

For the hell, Mel.

Train set?

You didn't tell us about your toy train set, Casey Jones.

It's just a hobby.

It's for five -year -olds, Ken. Hey, are you having that, you lot?

Hey, he's only got a toy train set up there. Thomas the Tank Engineer.

Hey, it's a proper home, Ben.

All steam, of course, all modern diesels, Ken. I don't want to talk about

Eddie.

Time.

by when you're a driver of a train and you ride on the footway

there and back again.

Choo -choo!

Are you happy now? You've brought the baby up.

That's all I bloody need.

Oh, come on. I'm going for the piss.

Oh, come on.

That controller's got a cob on.

Didn't like it, did it? Oh, don't worry about him, John.

He's all right, Kenny, don't mind the joke.

I think you'd better go and get Janice.

Right!

Who is it?

Hey!

Who's rocked one kid on my time?

Racing through the stars Captivated by the world Corner Shop comedy set in

Glasgow written by and starring Sanjeev Kohli and Donald McCleary. Listen to

fags, mags and bangs.

on BBC Sounds.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0