Original subtitles

Last time on Dream On.

If Judith and I were taking Jeremy to visit a real university,

I'd change, okay, but for Ithaca State, this is just a car.

Beautiful Carmichael Hall.

You're home for the next 24 hours.

I'm Mary Pat Wyatt Jones from Madison, Wisconsin.

We are gonna be roomies.

I just went to paint, and when I came back,

Mary Pat had put a hanger on the door.

I am locked out. And they're in there doing it.

Remember when you dumped me,

that you could do that ridiculous Zen celibacy thing?

Oh, God, how long did that last? Like, a week?

That's because you-- you tormented me.

Oh, yeah, well, if you call

wearing a purple miniskirt tormenting.

No, no, no, that doesn't do with a miniskirt.

It's because you tried to pull down my zipper

with your teeth on the library roof.

- Good night, Martin. - Good night.

Jude.

I'm just so happy, honey. I can't believe it's true.

It feels like we've never been apart, doesn't it?

Yeah, yeah, it-- it really does.

Listen, um, I've been thinking,

if we're gonna do this, um,

I don't think we should do it casually.

Absolutely, I-- I totally agree.

Oh, good. I'm so glad.

Because, you know, um, I really feel

like it's time for us to take the next step.

And that would be?

Counseling.

I-- I think that we should go into counseling.

- What? - Well, there's this group.

It's for divorced couples, it's called Second Time Around, and I signed us up.

We're starting Thursday.

Are Thursdays bad for you?

Jude, I don't get it, I mean, isn't therapy something

you do after you have problems?

No, no, this isn't therapy. This is a support group

to help us avoid making the same mistakes twice.

We're not gonna make the same mistakes twice.

I mean, that's what separates us from-- from plants.

I mean, I'll show you-- Ow! Ow!

Ow, mm. Mm, that was hot.

I'll never do that again, you see?

See, I think I-- I made my point.

Look, before you stick your tongue on the ice tray,

just hear me out.

This group has a fabulous track record,

and-- and it certainly can't hurt.

So please, I really want this to work.

Well, I have a better idea.

Why-- why don't we move in together, hmm?

I mean, that-- that can't hurt either.

Okay, well, we can talk about that.

Really?

In counseling.

Now, before we meet you,

let me tell you a little bit about us.

Now, first off, don't think of Hilaury and I

as professionals, because we're not.

Hilary's going for a real estate license, and I sell band instruments.

Oh. Martin?

Can't be too careful.

Stoo and I are just like you.

We were together,

then we hit a little white water.

Or, in my case, a little scotch and water.

And now we're back on the love boat.

So, why don't we introduce ourselves?

Uh, we're Judith and Martin.

We've been divorced for six years,

and-- and now we're considering dating again.

Actually, we've been dating for the past week.

The happiest week of-- of my life.

Interesting response, Martin.

Uh, remind me to give you some defensiveness exercises

after the snack.

Who's next?

We're Doug and Edie,

and, uh, I suppose we got back together

because fate stepped in.

Our son was mauled by a polar bear at the zoo.

How horrible. Oh, that poor child.

Actually, he was 29.

He'd escaped from the honor ranch that morning.

He always said he felt at one with the animals.

And now he is.

I forgive you for the past.

I accept you in the present.

And I look forward to sharing the future with you

in your arms.

Now, do you think you can say that to Craig?

No. I-- I'm not ready.

- He has an Amerasian child. - Ah!

She just showed up on the porch one day.

For the 975th time,

it slipped my mind!

How can a human being slip your mind?

People, people, people,

it's okay

if Mandy's not ready yet, none of us are ready.

Well, I'm ready, and I'll say it right now.

None of us are ready yet.

Not until we've flushed out the toxins

of our old relationship,

and irrigated it with new blood.

And that is our assignment for next week.

To go on a first date with each other.

Of all the nonsensical idiotic idea I ever heard in my life!

Not to sound defensive, but what exactly is the thinking behind that?

To start anew, so that you can fall in love

with each other all over again.

That sounds very romantic.

This kind of stuff is my specialty.

Oh, Martin, this is the perfect place.

Yeah, sure. It's like I told you.

When you string along with me, you're on a big time.

Well, if there weren't 107 stories in the air,

it'd be just another four-star restaurant, huh?

A half-dozen roses for the lady, please?

Oh, Martin, you don't have to do that.

No, no, no, no, I insist. How much are they?

I don't know. My husband gave them to me. It's our anniversary.

- Uh, maybe we should see if the table's ready. - Good idea.

Uh, yes, Martin Tupper, eight o'clock reservation.

By the window.

Yes, I'm afraid we don't have a window available right now,

but I do have something in this area.

No, no, no, no, no, no, you see, I promised my date windows on the world,

- not windows on the kitchen. - Martin, let it go.

No, that's okay. I can handle this, now, look--

Is there a problem?

Yes, my name is Martin Tupper.

I have an eight o'clock reservation by the window.

Now I happen to be here with my date.

Of course, I am terribly sorry.

Give them table number one.

I don't mess around, boy.

I am terribly sorry.

Well, you know, these-- these things happen.

Mrs. Stone, I had no idea you were waiting.

Your husband may be gone,

but table number one will always be yours.

- Always. - Thank you, André.

It's so nice to see you again.

I'm getting smaller and smaller.

Dr. Stone still has his own table, hmm?

Well, you know, uh,

he had a good relationship with the manager.

I should think so, Dr. Stone formulated

the synthetic plasma that saved his life.

I read it in People magazine.

Can we talk about something else, please?

Yeah, let's talk about when Martin came back

from the bathroom with water on his pants.

Stop it! Stop it!

I told you, the the faucet needed a washer.

I'm gonna give the hummus another couple of whirls in the Cuisinart.

Hil, you want to talk about the homework?

Okay, next week's topic is friends and family.

So between now and then, I want you to focus

on their reactions to your togetherness.

Well, if you think it's a good idea,

it really doesn't matter what I think.

Okay! Fair enough.

- Uh, Jeremy. - Ow! Ow!

Your feelings are very important to us.

Okay. Here's how I see it.

Right now, you're-- you're caught up in a whirlwind.

It's springtime, your hormones are running wild.

But that won't last.

And eventually, you'll realize you've got

tons of emotional baggage that'll probably never go away.

So, I hope you're not doing this for my benefit,

because I don't want to feel guilty when things turn ugly.

- Oh. Thanks. - Well, thank you.

Thank you very much.

That's a point. Good point.

How can I explain how stupid you're being without hurting your feelings?

Uh...

Got it, say, there's something precious to you.

You know, like that world's greatest boss statue I gave you?

And say, you put it up on a shelf

way out of reach, so you can admire it from a distance.

Uh-huh.

Okay, so say one day you take it down to, uh...

I don't know, dust it.

And you take a closer look,

and you realize it's nothing but a piece of junk

my sister Gina ripped off from the 99-cent store.

So, you're saying I put Judith on a-- a pedestal?

Not Judith, the statue.

Jesus, Martin, it's an analogy.

- You want me to explain it to you again? - No. No.

No, I think I get it.

Well, she may be right.

Well, darling, you're a grown woman, you can do whatever you want.

Daddy, you're being awfully quiet.

Goddamn you, Tupper!

- Dad! - You, Tupper!

Let go! Let go!

How did it go with you two?

Well, we-- we got a mixed reaction.

Mixed? Mixed?

The only reason I'm still alive is her father

had a heart attack while he was strangling me.

He was trying to hug you, and it wasn't a heart attack.

It was a seizure.

You know, he just insists on putting hollandaise on everything.

Unfortunately, sometimes people are slow

to accept things, but don't worry.

They'll come around once they see

how committed you are to each other.

Perhaps we both need time to think the matter over.

Hi. Where have you been?

On my way over, I remembered how much you loved the ballet, right?

So, I got a season ticket.

Oh, Martin, that is so sweet.

You really should--

Wait, these--

These are for Thursdays.

We have counseling on Thursdays.

So, we miss a session or two.

Sometimes in a relationship, the best thing you can do is just...

...miss a session or two.

Look, Martin, I admit that this group

has its pluses and minuses, but so does a relationship.

If you can't commit to 12 weeks of counseling,

how are you ever going to commit to us?

Jude, I have no problem committing.

We can commit to the ballet, right? That's 14 weeks.

There's no way out, is there?

Okay.

Well, we have tonight free, right?

So, why don't we go see a show?

You know, I've never seen The Fantasticks.

Martin, you know I can't get a babysitter on such short notice.

Right.

Besides, we have to do our workbooks.

You've been putting this off all week.

Just-- Come on.

Exercise five.

List everything you like about each other in 60 seconds.

Oh, this will be fun.

I mean, this is like Boggling. You love Boggle.

- Okay, you ready? - Ready.

And go.

Think. Just concentrate.

I can't remember.

Ah, pencil's down.

Exchange papers.

Uh, Jude, we don't have to do that. You know what's on this paper.

One of the things I love about you

is that you know exactly what I love about you.

So, in fact, maybe I should write that down.

Sorry, time's up.

Mm, "Nice, tall, and friendly"?

You only wrote down three things, and two of them are the same.

They're not the same at all.

Oh, and how is nice different from friendly?

Well, you can have a nice roast beef sandwich,

but you can't have a friendly roast beef sandwich.

Oh, please.

And you didn't list my breasts. I knew that you hated them.

No, no, no, no. I don't hate them.

I-- I bet you didn't put down my penis.

Oh, well, as a matter of fact, I did,

but I am crossing it off, and going to bed.

Oh, my-- Yes, my life is just one long round of poopy.

Martin.

Martin, wake up.

Martin.

I've been thinking, we don't need more counseling.

What we need is a vacation,

so let's go to Tahiti right now.

- Really? - Of course.

Just help me with my baggage.

Do you really need all these?

Oh, absolutely. I can't leave any of it behind.

Oh.

Ow.

Martin.

I'm ready to go now, too.

And I only have this.

- Huh? - Martin.

I don't need all that.

Oh, Martin, I can go just like this.

But you're wearing a bikini.

I can leave it if it's too much trouble.

Where do you keep your passport?

Oh, Martin, one more thing.

Don't forget to carry on...

A bright young man ought to be able to figure that one out.

Hey, bud!

Hello.

How about you were doing that glaucoma telethon with Lou Rawls tonight?

Nah, they weren't going to put me on until after ten o'clock,

so fuck them.

Come on, let's go watch the Knick game.

I can't, I can't, I can't, I have counseling.

Oh, man, you can go to counseling any time.

And there are only 82 Knick games a season.

Believe me, nothing would make me happier.

But you know Judith, she likes to...

Talk, talk, talk, talk.

...think things through.

Oh, man, I hate that shit.

I know, You know, it-- it's like a butterfly, you know?

I mean, it-- it's beautiful.

When you put it under a microscope,

and-- and it's this fuzzy, laden monster

with 1,000 eyes and this-- this big, scary mouth that's--

that's what this group is doing to our relationship, believe me.

If you really care about Judith, you have to do the right thing.

And that's lie.

- What? - Lie, lie.

You know, call her up,

make some kind of bullshit excuse

why you can't go to counseling, and then watch the game with me.

No, no, I-- I can't do that.

You have no choice. You owe it to Judith.

The more you go to counseling, the more you resent her.

So you have to lie...

for the sake of your relationship.

Ah, forget it.

Toby, Toby, look, you have to be here

to answer the phone in case Judith calls.

Martin, I can't believe you would stoop so low

as to ask a pregnant woman to stay late.

Yeah--

I'll make it worth your while.

How about a cappuccino maker?

Okay, okay, we need a new coffee pot anyway.

Oh, not for here, for my place.

I make it avocado, it'll match my fridge.

Fine, look, if Judith calls, tell her I'm in the bathroom.

Then call me at home, and I'll call her back, okay?

You're asking me to lie?

No, no, he's asking you if you'd like a set of steak knives

to go with that cappuccino maker.

You're in the bathroom, and you'll call her back.

I wasn't sure whether to come.

I feel sort of like a seventh wheel.

- Oh, no. - Not at all.

In fact, coming here without Martin

is a very healthy step.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

In fact, maybe you should consider

doing more things without Martin,

and maybe with someone else?

Thank God you said that.

I felt he was wrong for her from the first night.

I didn't think it was my place to say it.

Same here. Same here. See, we are not crazy.

You know, I had guys like him in my unit in 'Nam.

They all cracked.

- See? - I'll tell you.

Unless Martin is very rich.

I don't know what you see in him.

You know, Martin has many very attractive features.

I just wish that I'd brought my list with me.

Judith, it's a big city out there.

You must meet my nephew.

He's an attorney, he represents France.

Could I use your phone for just a moment?

Martin Tupper's office.

Toby, it's Judith.

He's in the bathroom! He'll call you back!

Okay, could--

Look, I'm not lying!

Well, I'm-- I'm sure you're not.

Could you just give him a message?

Well, I-- I don't know. He's gonna be a while.

He-- he's in there throwing up blood.

Oh, my God. I'll come right over.

No! No! He's okay! It's not his blood.

Toby.

Stop grilling me, Judith!

Look, he's at home watching the game with Eddie.

No appliance is worth this. Don't tell him I told--

Hello? Judith?

Go! Just go! Just dump it in the corner!

Pass it to him! Pass it to him!

Don't shoot! No! No!

- Good! - Yes.

- And we'll call this overtime! - Over time!

Yeah! Yeah!

- Quick, hide! - Judith?

Judith!

I can hear you all the way from the elevator.

You must be doing some serious editing.

I was editing. At the office.

Before. We just walked in.

Right, right, right, right. Would you like some pizza?

Eddie, Judith and I have to talk.

I understand.

- I'll use the headphones. - Goodbye, Eddie.

Are you crazy? It's overtime!

Oh, come on, man, you-- you gotta give me something.

You gotta Walkman? Something. Anything.

Hi.

It was a great game.

I am not so much angry

as I am furious.

Look, Jude, I know this looks like a bald-faced lie,

but it's not, but it's not, I only lied because I had to.

You know, for us.

What are you talking about?

You sound just like Eddie.

Look, I-- I gotta tell you,

the more I go to counseling, the more I start to think

that-- that maybe we're rushing things.

- We're what? - There's a lot more issues than I realized.

You know, things have changed a lot.

It's a totally different relationship, like they say in counseling.

Fuck counseling!

What the hell do they know anyway?

Oh, and what about that Hilaury walking around with acid-washed jeans,

and she's giving us advice?

Judith, it's my fault, it's my fault.

I was rushing things, you know, I wanted you for so long.

I couldn't have you, now that I do have you, I just--

Oh, so now

you're not sure if you want me.

She's a mind-reader.

Ah, I wouldn't put it that way.

Exactly.

Oh, boy.

You have got a lot of nerve.

God, first, you kill my husband with your kidney,

and then you drag me up to that college, and seduce me,

and then when I'm at my weakest,

you force me to make a commitment to you.

And now you're not sure

if you still want me.

Well, how dare you?

You looking for someone?

Uh, what are you looking for?

Bourbon. I am making a Manhattan.

Jude, Jude, now, don't be upset, okay?

All I'm saying is...

I don't know whether I'm in love with you

or whether I just plain like you.

...I'm just a little confused right now.

Well, how can I

clear things up for you, hmm?

Prance around in a little workout thong like one of your bimbos?

Where is the sweet vermouth?

I am not a bimbo.

I was married to Dr. Richard Stone, mister.

I sat on committees that designed parks.

I won the Rumba contest with Thurgood Marshall.

Stop laughing at me.

I will not be laughed at.

Jude, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It's just kind of hard to take you seriously

with this kabuki thing happening here.

Oh, well.

Don't worry. You picked the right girl.

You know, if we moved in together,

we could do this every night.

Uh, hi, it's Martin, leave a message.

Martin, pick up, it's Toby.

Judith has called, I handled it like we rehearsed,

but for some reason, he seemed a little suspicious.

Martin? Martin? Martin?