All language subtitles for Dream On (1990) S06E11.en

Hi, Thelma. How are you?

They lopped off a couple more
warts.

Look, I'm sorry I'm late, okay?
But it's not my fault.

Fifth Avenue was blocked off

for some save the planet
bullshit.

But Jeremy can still
make his plane.

- So where is he?
- Judith's boyfriend took him.

- Huh?
-"Save the planet bullshit?"

Glad to see you haven't
lost your ideals, Martin.

- It's her sister!
- Winnie.

Hey!

Judith didn't tell
me you were in town.

- How long are you here for?
- Maybe forever.

I quit my job at the museum.
Plus, I was sick of Paris.

It had gotten so noisy
and crowded and polluted.

Well, New York should be
a nice change from all, huh?

Come on over here.
Let's catch up, huh?

- God, it's been forever.
- Mhmm.

Judith's birthday isn't until
next Saturday.

Huh?

Oh, this is for Jeremy,
it's a scuba camp.

Thank God he's got
that little blowhole up here.

Well, that didn't come
from our side of the family.

Ah!

You're looking so pretty.
Prettier than I remembered.

Winnie, Mother's on the phone.

Look, if you won't stay
with them,

will you at least go antiquing
with her on Saturday?

Sure.

Nothing I like more

than to watch the old girl
haggle over a churn.

Oh, how nice of you to drop by.

Nice birthday surprise, huh?

Oh, yeah, well,
it's a surprise, anyway.

She just appeared on my doorstep
with her suitcase.

- Well, you know Winnie, she's--
- Young.

- Pretty.
- Exciting.

A little irresponsible.

Yes, and a little short on cash.

Looks like she'll be staying
at the Hotel Judith

for quite some time.

Oh, it'll be fun.
Like a slumber party.

Oh, yeah, that lasts 24 hours
a day, seven days a week.

Listen, can you think
of anybody to fix her up with?

You know, just keep her busy?

Me?

Well, I could give it
some thought.

Thank you.

So I'm standing in front
of Picasso's "Man With a Guitar"

explaining cubism,
when for the one millionth time,

someone in the group says,
my five-year-old could do that.

So I handed the five-year-old
a pen and paper

and said, go to it.

Then I walked out and decided

it's time for me
to pursue my real dream.

- Oh, and what is that?
- I don't know.

I probably should've figured
that out before I wised off.

- Well.
- Anyway...

speaking of dreams,
how's your writing going?

Fine, all I gotta do now
is put in the words.

So-so, I don't have a lot
of time to write.

I'm pretty busy basically
just running this place.

You should find the time.
Your stuff was really sweet.

Quirky, Martin-y.

- Thank you.
- It's great to see you.

I was so bummed
when you and Judith split up.

Well, it wasn't a great moment
for me, either.

And talk about trading down.
I mean, Richard Stone?

I know he's frozen,
but he's probably less stiff now

than he was when he was alive.

There's a woman after
my own heart.

Yeah!

Well, well, well,

I thought you were taking
lunch, not early retirement.

Not that it's any
of your business,

but we've been shopping
for Jude's birthday present.

But what do you
get for the woman

who already has formal and
everyday crème brûlée spoons?

You should try that store,
"Think Big."

You know, they got
all this giant stuff.

They got a pencil there
bigger than Paul Williams.

Maybe they'll have a giant
crème brûlée spoon.

Call me later. Martin.

If I remember
my Bible correctly,

Jacob coveted
his ex-wife's sister,

and Israel got six more weeks
of winter.

What are you talking about?

Come on, Martin,
it's so steamy in here

you could cook-
I don't know, vegetables, maybe.

Don't be ridiculous.
I'm not interested in her.

She's like family.

I can't stop thinking about her,
Eddie.

I've never been
this attracted to a woman.

Oh, man, what about
Ann-Margaret on the treadmill

at the beginning
of Bye Bye Birdie?

Times ten.

Well, then nail her.

I can't nail her, for God's
sake, she's Judith's sister.

So?

I slept with your sister
for 15 years, no biggie.

Well, you weren't married to me.

Did you sleep with
your ex-wife's sister?

Yeah,
I would've if she let me, man.

At the wedding,
I started slow dancing with her,

I had a woody the size
of a rolling pin, I swear.

Yeah, well, you're a pervert.

Yeah, maybe.
What do you think?
Mushroom or taupe?

Eddie, I um--
oh, hi, Martin.

- Hi.
- Oh, go with the taupe.

- Kristy.
Can I ask you a question?
- Well, sure.

Would you ever consider sleeping
with your ex-husband's brother?

Oh, you goddamn son of a bitch.

- I told you that in confidence.
- What? I didn't say anything.

Don't lie to me,
you rotten sack of shit!

- Arghh!
- Oh!

Anyway, what were you saying?

Ah, never mind,
Winnie's not interested in me,

she thinks of me
as just a big brother.

You know what?
I have the perfect solution.

Why don't you let me nail her,

and then I'll show you
the video.

How can I ever repay you?

Go with the mushroom.

I chop up a little onion,
add just a dash
of salt and pepper,

a little bit of sour cream,
then I whip it all up
in the mixture,

and it comes out
so light and fluffy.

I've bungled it badly.

Uh, just a minute.

sHi.

Oh, what a wonderful surprise.

Is this a bad time?

No, come on in.

I was just cooking
some spaghetti,

and there's plenty for two,

if I can ever get it untangled.

Um, okay,

but I really just came by
to show you what I got Judith.

Oh, terrific, I bet I know
exactly what you picked.

I'll bet you don't.

What do you think?

I think when you give
that to Judith,

you might wanna put it
in a box first.

Right.
Oh, my God.

I am so sorry.

After three Bombays
on the rocks,

this seemed like a really
great idea.

But apparently it isn't,
and I gotta get out of here.

No, no, no, no, no!

- Wait.
- Wait?

Uh, don't wait.
Don't wait.

- Just keep going.
- Right.

- You're my ex-brother-in-law!
- And you're still Jeremy's aunt.

And Judith, Judith's not good
at sharing things
even when she's done with them.

Believe me,
I know what you mean,

which is why
we can never do this.

- No matter how much I want you.
- You want me?

I want you, too.

Okay, now, let's just think
this thing through, okay?

I mean, either we can do it
or not do it, but either way,

we have to make a mature,
well-reasoned decision.

Right.

Odds, we do it,
evens, we don't do it.

One, two, three, shoot.

It's evens.

It's odds.

♪ Cheer up, little sister
A new day is dawning ♪

♪ You'll feel better
In the morning ♪

♪ When troubles hit ya
Don't let it get ya ♪

♪ You'll feel better
In the morning ♪

♪ And when the sun comes
Heaving over the hill ♪

♪ Say you're feeling better ♪

♪ You can bet your boots
You will ♪

♪ Cheer up, little sister ♪

Ow! Ow!

♪ You'll feel better
In the morning ♪

♪ When troubles hit ya
Don't let it get ya ♪

♪ You'll feel better
In the morning ♪

♪ You'll feel better
In the morning ♪

♪ And when the sun comes heaving
Over the hill ♪

♪ Say you're feeling better ♪

♪ You can bet your boots
You will ♪

Thanks.

♪ You'll feel better
In the morning ♪

♪ You'll feel better
In the morning ♪

♪ You'll feel better
In the morn ♪

Hey, I thought
we were meeting at my place.

I just finished reading
your story
about the boarding school.

It was so beautiful.

When Duncan finds out that
the coach is his father...

Look, I'm through here.

Why don't we just go home?

I can't wait.
I want you now.

- We're going down.
- Oh!

Set 'er down nice and easy,
I hate rough landings.

It's Judith.

Prepare for crash landing!
Prepare for crash landing!

Uh, uh...

Just a minute!

Quick, quick, quick!
Get out on the ledge.

No fucking way!

Okay, get under the desk.
Come on, under the desk!

Martin,
what's going on?

Nothing, I'll be right there.
Just...

Listen, I get-- what happened
to your office?

It got messy, which is why
I'm here late cleaning up.

Huh, listen,
I need to talk to you.

It's about Winnie.

Oh, what's she doing these days?

I think she's having
some sort of illicit affair.

- No!
- Yes, I'm sure of it.

She's out every night, she never
tells me where she's going,

and she's always whispering
on the phone.

Well, it's probably nothing.
And even if she is, so what?

I'm sure when she lived in Paris
she had tons of affairs.

Yeah, maybe, but while
she's living here

she's my responsibility.

And if my mother finds out
that she's been

tomcatting around
with some married man

or Mafia kingpin,
my ass is grass.

Jeez, I wish I could help.

Ohhh...

- I'm at a loss.
- Well, who the hell could it be?

I mean, she doesn't know
anyone in New York.

Your fly's open.

Whoops.

Anyway, you really should talk
to Winnie about this.

In fact, I bet she's at your
place right now. You better go!

- Before it's too late.
- You're right.

I'll just call,
see if she's there.

- If I can ever find the phone.
- Wait!

Why don't you use Toby's phone?

You don't have to look for it,
It's right on her desk.

Never mind. I found it.

The jig is up.

Oh, my God.

There is like, this huge
cockroach under there.

Huge.
- Really?

- Thank heaven.
- Yeah, I know, we're infested.

In fact, the exterminators
are gonna be here any moment,
so you better scoot.

But if you hear anything
from Winnie, let me know?

Absolutely, although I know
I won't be hearing from her.

Unless she's taking up
exterminating as a hobby.

Go, go.

Whew!

- Oh, my God.
- Ow! Oh!

That's it.
We have got to tell her.

- We do?
- What other choice do we have?

Oh, I don't know.
We could not tell her.

We've gone to all this trouble
to hide it.

It would be a shame
to let it go to waste.

No, I can't live like this.

We'll have to tell her,
and she'll have to deal with it.

- When are you gonna tell her?
- Me?

Well, I can't tell her.
I'm totally unequipped.

The most intimate thing
I ever discussed with my family

was whether to get
my ears pierced.

Maybe you could just write
her a note,

you know, and I could edit it.

Martin, you've got to tell her.

Unless you're not really
committed to this relationship,

in which case there's no point
in us telling anyone anything.

We should just bail right now.

This places us on the horns
of a dilemma.

No, of course I'm committed,
isn't my willingness to lie

an indication of just how
committed I am?

But you'd rather I tell her?

So did you talk to her?

What happened?
Tell me, tell me.

Uh... well,

You didn't tell her, did you?

Tell her the truth, son.

If she loves you,
she won't mind.

Of course I did.

What'd she say?
How'd she take it?

- Uh, about how you'd expect.
- Oh, God.

And tomorrow's
her birthday party.

Oh, I can't go.
Tell her-- tell her I've...

Tell her I've got cramps
or a piano fell in my head,

something, because I can't
face her.

Good idea, don't go.

- That way it'll...
- Give me more time.

Be more comfortable,
you know, for everyone.

I'm sorry that I'm being
such a crybaby,

But I'm just not as brave
as you are.

I don't get it.
No phone calls, no nothing.

I mean, where could she be?

How should I know?
I mean, she's your sister.

But there's one thing I do know.

These are the best crackers
I've ever had.

Where'd you get them?

Well, if Winnie is seeing
a married man,

your father can make it
very unpleasant for him.

- Mother, please.
- No, I mean it.

A few well-placed calls from
your Daddy,

and that gigolo
won't be able to get a tee time

at any golf club in Connecticut.

Cappy, where did
you get that jumper?

You know what, I am not going
to let Winnie ruin my birthday.

That's the spirit.

This is your party, right?

So, mingle and enjoy.

- All right.
- Go ahead.

On second thought, could you
get me some more

of these stuffed mushrooms?

- Why, there are plenty left.
- Uh...

Hey, how you doing?

Mm! Mm! All gone.

You know, we are serving dinner.

Mm!

Mm! Mm!

What are you doing here?

Well, I thought about it,
and I decided,

what am I so afraid of?

Judith chose to dump you.
Why should I suffer?

Winnie, You made it.

Oh, darling,
you have such a pretty face.

- Why do you hide it?
- I'm fine, Mother, how are you?

Oh, I think we could
all use a drink.

Great idea, I know a terrific
little place around the corner.

No, everything's out
in the open.

I'm gonna march right in there
and face Judith with dignity.

No, wait.

Why don't you go
to the bathroom first.

Dignity with a full bladder
can look like bloating.

Okay, maybe I'll throw up, too.

I guess you'll have
to face the music.

It looks like the last
eight bars, too.

Here you go.
Eat up.

No, none for me, thanks.
I'm full.

So where's that terrific
new boyfriend of yours?

You're gonna jump all over this,
but he's at his Whiffenpoof
reunion.

Jude, why would
I jump all over that?

The really great thing
about our relationship

is that I don't judge
who you go out with,

and you don't judge
who I go out with,

and that's the way it should be.

Oh, I'm glad
you feel that way.

And I'm glad you feel that way.

So, anyway, I'm thinking
of asking out your sister.

What?

Happy birthday.

Sorry I'm late.

Oh, no problem,
so glad you could make it.

Um, could you give Martin and me
just a moment?

Oh, sure.
I'll meet you by the bar.

Mm! Noodle nose.

So you're thinking about
asking my sister out, huh?

Again. I'm thinking about
asking her out again.

Well, I can't believe it.

I mean, you're sleeping
with my sister.

How can you be
sleeping with my sister?

There's a logical
explanation for this.

- It was an accident.
- Oh! An accident.

Uh huh. And what happened?

Hmm, what, you tripped,
and your penis
fell into her vagina

- over and over again?
- Exactly.

Martin, this is the most
pathetic thing
you have ever done,

- and that is saying something.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

What's so pathetic about it?
Aside from the fact that she--

She and I came from
the same womb?

Other than that one little
thing, she's perfect for me.

Oh!

Okay, I am going to just
put aside my feelings

of anger and repulsion
for just a moment.

Just...

There.

You do know what's going on.

You're only going out with her
because you can't have me.

Don't flatter yourself.

Winnie's nothing like you.
She likes me, okay?

Not some stupid Whiffenpoof.

And she's spontaneous
and unpretentious,

like you used to be
before you met Richard Stone.

- Are you finished?
- No.

When she reads my writing,
it makes her cry.

You know, the way you used to,

and we go out for Chinese food
at 02:00 in the morning.

- Like you and I used to.
- Yes, yes, that's right.

You're not really going out
with her

because she reminds you of me,

you're going out with her
because she reminds you

of me ten years ago.

Ye--

Yes, I guess that's--
that's what I'm saying.

And do you think that this
is the foundation

for a healthy relationship?

No, not- not really.

And don't you think that
you should put a stop to it, pronto?

- Yeah, I guess.
- Good.

So, why don't you go out
and have a talk with Winnie,

and I'll slice some
more prosciutto,

and then... I'll have a talk
with Winnie.

Okay.

Class dismissed.

Gah! Hi.

Hi, I've been looking
for you.

No, you haven't.
You've been looking
for the old Judith.

- No, not exactly.
- Bullshit!

I just heard you say it.

Okay, but it's not my fault.

I mean, you shouldn't
have been eavesdropping.

- You fuck!
- Oh!

Winnie, would you like a drink?

They're all gone,
you can come out now.

Were your parents very upset?

Yeah, but it might be
because we ran out of Shivas.

You want a drink?

- No, no, I'm fine.
- Valium?

It's kind of late
for that, isn't it?

So did you and Winnie ever--

Get a chance to talk?

- Yes.
- And?

And I told her I liked her vest,

and then she asked
if she could borrow my earrings.

- That's it?
- Martin, you know
my family dynamic.

We have... difficulty
confronting one another.

That's funny,
none of you seems to have
any difficulty confronting me.

Yeah, well, we have
to have some kind of outlet.

Judith, I'm sorry.
You know, I just...

- I'm sorry.
- No, no, it's all right.

I mean, it's really sort
of flattering
in a perverse kind of way.

You didn't open my gift.

Oh, I wanted to wait for you.

Martin,
just for the record,

I'm still fun.

And you know, I'm spontaneous,
like, all the time.

Jude, I'm sure you are.

Like last week I was at this
hoedown against hunger,

and I wore cowboy boots,

and I even rode
the mechanical bull.

Wow, that's good for you.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean,
just because I live
on Park Avenue

and I happen to wear
Mikimoto pearls, you know,

it doesn't mean that I'm some
kind of a snooty socialite.

Jude, I just said that
in the heat of the moment.

You know, I don't see you
that way at all.

Good.

Jude, it's not what you think.

You know, this is for...
incense.

You know,
to hide the smell of pot.

Gee, it's lucky I thought
of that.

Prosciutto?