Original subtitles

♪ Why does love have to be So dangerous ♪

♪ I wanna know ♪

♪ I wanna know ♪

♪ Why does love have to be So dangerous ♪

Last time on Dream On.

Thank you very, very much.

And now I have a real treat for you.

This is the weekend Richard's being inducted

into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Hey, you're Warren Zevon.

I'm a huge fan of yours.

You're probably the idiot who yells "Werewolves of London" at every concert.

You know, Jude, I had this insane notion

of maybe spending five minutes with my family.

Is this guy bothering you, honey? You want me to get rid of him?

Now, ladies and gentlemen, a very beautiful and talented young lady.

Listen, I'm filling your name here.

- Martin. - Katrina.

You want to get out of here?

I love the way they do that number,

but they use too much energy.

- The Katrina Banks from Crevice? - What's Crevice?

They're on MTV and VH1 every two seconds.

I've never dated a rock star.

Just think of me like any other woman you've ever dated.

Only prettier, more talented, and much, much richer.

Can you believe he fucked her?

I thought you might like some company.

I'll be through in a second.

That's some kind of anti-fungal injection.

It's heroin.

But the person I really want you to meet

is a quiet, demure little girl.

I have this totally under control.

If you keep doing that stuff, then I can't keep seeing you.

But if I check in to detox

and you run off with some other rock star--

That's the spirit.

Katrina! Katrina! How are you feeling?

How long have you been a heroin addict?

What made you kick the habit?

He did.

Martin Tupper saved my life.

Thank you. Now it's show time.

The music world is still rocking from the news

that Katrina Banks, lead singer of the band Crevice,

has checked out of detox for heroin addiction.

Miss Katrina has credited her full recovery to her new beau,

39-year-old New York book editor, Martin Tupper.

If he's going through a midlife crisis,

why doesn't he just buy a Miata?

Sources say that two have been inseparable

since they met at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame dinner,

and everyone seems to be asking the same question.

Can you believe he's fucking her?

What's next for the superstar singer songwriter?

Well, there's only speculation, no real answers,

and the couple continues to ward off inquiries

from the press.

Look, stop calling here.

Doesn't privacy mean anything to you people?

I'll give you his home number. Harass him there.

Earlier today, the other members of Crevice

released this statement of support.

"The album can wait.

All we care about is Katrina's health,

mental, physical, and spiritual."

I'll tell you one thing, man.

If we go over budget because of this,

it's coming out of her cut.

In the meantime, the record buying public

awaits the next musical gems

from the fertile and now drug free mind

of Ms. Katrina Banks.

Okay, I can't fucking do this.

I can't write a thing.

What about what you were just playing?

That sounded great.

I was tuning my guitar.

And quite beautifully, I might add.

It's gonna be okay.

Can I-- can I get you anything else?

Yeah, do you have any songs in your head

that I could borrow?

I love you truly.

Nothing that comes to mind.

I just--

Hey, why don't you just write what you know?

You know, for instance, what did you do today?

I drank a gallon of hot chocolate

and I didn't write ten songs.

Okay, okay, there might be a song in that.

You know, like...

♪ I've gotta writer's block ♪

♪ But I love to rock ♪

You know, I'm just-- like a general area.

I just-- it's hopeless. I mean, I have nothing to say.

Why don't you write the instrumental part?

That way you'll be halfway finished.

I don't work like that.

I write the poetry first and then the music comes.

- You might wanna wash that. - Okay.

I just need a little something,

just to get the creative juices flowing.

Okay. Okay.

We've got some pretzels here, you know,

and there's some cookies and stuff.

No, no, no, you do not need heroin.

I sure as shit needs something.

A poem would be nice.

You know any poems?

No, I wrote them while I was in college.

I just...

- I thought maybe they'd give you some ideas. - Shh.

Or not, whatever.

Martin, these are beautiful.

They're passionate, they're truthful.

Really?

Well, I did get an A minus in the course--

Shh.

Tune's coming to me.

♪ Darkness ♪

♪ It's darkness Sitting on a park bench ♪

♪ My lover is a monster ♪

♪ Frankenstein, Loch Ness ♪

♪ I feel it in my crotch ♪

♪ Yes, my lover is a monster ♪

I got talent, ask any of these guys.

♪ This is the winter of discontent ♪

♪ Frozen snow covers ♪

♪ My emotional continent ♪

♪ I searched From Europe to Africa ♪

♪ For my love drug trafficker ♪

♪ But I'm lost ♪

I write songs.

Maybe you heard the one I wrote.

It made the Hit Parade.

♪ As the snow ♪

♪ Turns slowly into streams ♪

♪ So go our dreams ♪

♪ Life is so much harder ♪

♪ Than it seems ♪

♪ When you're in your teens ♪

♪ In your teens ♪

You're joking, right?

That was a joke.

You-- you didn't like that?

Maybe you're missing the symbolism.

You see, the melting snow is a metaphor for the erosion of--

Yeah, I get it.

A fucking five-year-old would get it.

It just sucks.

- Perhaps you could be a little more specific. - Excuse me.

I have a master's in English Lit from Yale.

So maybe I can elaborate

on what my partner is trying to say.

The song

makes me wanna puke

in a bad way.

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

In fact, they all make me wanna puke.

You haven't even heard them all yet.

I don't have to hear them.

"Nothing but nothingness is in my heart.

You make me feel like Jean-Paul Sartre."

Okay, admittedly, this is difficult material, okay?

It's dense and multi-layered, so maybe you should all...

Go to hell.

...live with the songs for a while,

make your notes, and then we'll fine tune them.

- We? - Yeah.

I'm sorry, when did the name of this band

become Crevice and Book Editor Guy?

Was I absent that day?

Martin is my collaborator, my muse.

Jesus, Katrina,

you couldn't start fucking someone good like Neil Young?

Or even Neil Sedaka.

- Okay, that's it. - Greetings, greetings.

How are my multi-million dollar misanthropes

doing with the album [indistinct]?

- It's great. - It's going great. It's going great.

Katrina, ballerina, why the tears?

Um, Martin, why the tears?

Onions, that'll make your eyes water.

Well, she just finished playing a very emotional song.

Yeah, it's an erosion of innocence.

- Weepy. - Well, good. Tears are good.

Because to quote my dear friend and bridge partner Elton John,

sad songs sell so much.

By the way, Trina,

the PR department tells me that you are getting camera shy.

The press loves you,

love them back.

Katrina, you could have any guy in the world.

Why him?

He's got no looks,

no money, no power, no talent.

He must have one huge penis.

No, no, no, that's not it at all.

Oh, then his penis is the size of a candy corn.

Martin is the most beautiful person I have ever met.

He saved my life,

and I think that that is reason enough to love him.

And if I may add, for the record, my penis is...

- This big. - Oh, no. This big.

...perfectly normal size.

Katrina, can you tell us anything about the new album?

Yeah, the songs are based on poems written by Martin.

And the first single is called "Hurricane Judith."

Really? We never discussed that.

I didn't even know you read that.

Well, I read this last night. It's brilliant.

This is okay with you, isn't it?

-"Hurricane Judith"? - Yeah, yeah, what's it about?

Well, it's not so much a song as an open wound.

It's based on one of Martin's past relationships.

Loosely based, I mean, if at all.

It's about an ice princess who manipulates this decent man

into falling in love with her,

only to leave him in emotional ruin.

Don't you worry, sweetheart.

I would never do that to you.

How could you?

What?

This song isn't about you.

It's a composite of many different women from my life.

All of whom are named Judith.

Mom, you're missing the big picture.

Crevice is doing your life story.

So what if everybody thinks you're a bitch?

Wonderful how your little boy takes after you.

Okay, okay, so it's about you, but let me tell you something.

If artists have to stop creating art just because someone's feelings

are going to get hurt, then we're talking about just-- just anarchy.

Well, couldn't you just change the name?

I mean, a woman is singing it,

so why didn't you make it Hurricane Pete?

Katrina and I feel that changing anything,

even one word, it's emotionally dishonest.

Oh, please.

If she's so concerned about honesty,

then why did she get those fake boobs?

They're not fake.

Oh, just throw it in my face, why don't you?

What's the next title going to be, hmm?

"Flat-chested Judith"?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I see what's going on here.

You're jealous.

Now, I'm the one who's going out with someone famous,

and that-- and that threatens you.

Just tell me another one.

This may be an inappropriate question,

but can you take some topless photos of Katrina?

- I could sell it to her for $50. - Why don't you go to the movies?

And you better hurry up, because you're going to miss the trailers. Bye-bye.

Hello. Jeremy.

Is your mommy home?

She's in there. How do you know my name?

It's not important.

Paul, what are you doing here?

Judith, I heard about that blasphemous song.

And I felt the need to comfort you.

Well, you know, this really isn't a good time.

So in response, I've written a song that is worthy of you.

♪ Judith, I see your eyes in my mind ♪

♪ Judith, It's such perfect behind ♪

♪ Judith, I see it's time We unwind and get naked ♪

Listen, pal, why don't you just leave her alone?

You.

You're the rat bastard

who wrote that garbage about the woman I love.

You've got no class, you turd munching maggot cocksucker.

Oh, my God. Paul, get down, Paul.

Get him off me. Get him off me.

Charges were dropped today

in the alleged attack by Paul Williams

on the Katrina Banks' hanger-on Martin Tupper.

Williams had no comment.

In related news,

Crevice is scheduled to begin recording tomorrow

on their long-awaited new album.

The band is keeping a very low profile,

but there are reports of a widening chasm

within Crevice.

Cut. Cut. That's-- that's pretty good.

I can't hear a thing they're saying.

Oh, microphone.

No, this isn't-- this one right here.

Thanks, Al.

That's-- that's nice work.

That's nice work. I-- I just have a few thoughts.

Why don't I just come out there, okay?

You.

You sounded perfect.

You know, it's achingly, achingly beautiful.

We just have to make some adjustments in the arrangement.

- Oh, is that so? - Yeah, just some minor stuff.

Why don't we start with you, Nils?

Now, in general, your guitar playing is...

Pee-yoo.

...working-like, okay?

But it needs to have more emotion, all right?

Try playing the guitar like it's gently weeping.

Okay? All right?

And Marco, what if the drums pound?

You know, like shutters slamming in a howling wind.

I have a better idea.

What if the drums get shoved up your ass like a butt plug?

Can we please not argue here?

Katrina, what's the deal?

I mean, it's bad enough we have to play this crap.

Now we have to listen to his bullshit.

Who the hell does he think he is?

Well, he's actually producing the record.

I thought I mentioned that.

Well, that's it. I've had enough.

Either he goes or I go.

Yeah, I'm with Nils.

And so is The Spark. Right, Spark?

I really don't think you guys should be giving any ultimatums.

Katrina is Crevice.

Without her, you guys are like--

like Dawn without Tony Orlando.

Blow me, okay?

Katrina, it's up to you.

Him or crevice?

The music world was rocked today

by a major quake.

Alternative rock's reigning champ, Crevice,

has split apart.

And at the epicenter of this quake

is Katrina Banks' Svengali, Martin Tupper.

All right, let's go live to Downtown Julie Brown

at the Sound Factory with an exclusive interview

of Katrina Banks and Martin Tupper.

Katrina, sources say that Martin has become your puppeteer,

that he just controls every thought, every action.

What's your response to that?

Um...

Martin?

That is completely untrue.

Okay, look, Katrina is flying this plane, okay?

I'm just a...

- Guardian angel. - ...stewardess.

Martin, before you met Katrina, you were an obscure book editor.

How has all this changed your life?

Don't you see what it means?

Power to rule,

to make the world grovel at my feet.

Actually, it's had surprisingly little effect.

Okay, but I'm a very, very grounded person.

Martin, are you telling me

that none of this has gone to your head?

Not even a little?

Drink to me!

Drink to my invincible power,

to a new era, with me as its guiding genius!

I'm sorry, could you repeat the question?

♪ The lover is a monster ♪

Ooh, look who decided to grace us with his presence.

Mr. Katrina Banks, ladies and gentlemen!

- Is anybody looking for me? - Well, let's see.

Gibby called five times, asking for the cookbook galleys.

So I sent him some pages from the Silver Palette

as a stall tactic.

Fine, fine, whatever.

A guy named Jim called

with some kind of death threat.

He sounded nice.

I'm going out with him tomorrow night.

Well, I'm very happy for you.

- Now, is that all? - No.

The National Enquirer called,

and they're paying top dollar for newsworthy photos of you.

So would you mind giving me the finger?

Nothing could make me happier.

Maybe after lunch.

Are you going to let them print this about you?

They're all jealous of me because I'm famous.

Ah, that stuff doesn't bother me.

Well, it pisses me off.

You know, I just wish there was something I could do to help.

Hey, how about you and Katrina coming on my show?

- Your show? - Yeah, yeah.

You could use it as a form for your anti-drug message.

You know, maybe even do some rehab recipes.

- I'll set it up. - Eddie.

Eddie, with all due respect, your audience is...

A bunch of empty-headed mitt-wits.

...not exactly our demographic.

Which is exactly why you should do it.

Why preach to the converted?

Housewives and retirees, they buy albums, too?

Lots of them.

I think Eddie Fisher had a drinking problem.

Why don't you just have him on?

All right, all right.

Well, if you're not going to do it for you,

do it for me, man, please.

If we don't raise our numbers with the 18 to 34s,

my second set of bonuses, it's not going to kick in.

And I have two houses and four cars to pay for.

Please, please, please.

Eddie, I feel for you.

Katrina and I are working on a new video,

and we thought we'd premiere it on MTV.

A video on MTV?

Total cliché.

But put a video on a morning show?

Hey, hey, hey. Now, there's news.

Like John Lennon

when he co-hosted The Mike Douglas Show.

You're going to like it

when you get less frightened of it.

- Uh-huh. - Plus, our show is network.

We have millions of viewers.

MTV, that's cable.

Nobody watches cable.

Now, let's hear another Home Sweet Home-y

round of applause for Joey Lawrence

and his amazing yo-yo demonstration.

Whoa!

"Whoa" is right.

Now, our next guest was Katrina Banks

with some special rehab recipes,

but we had to cancel that.

Instead, she's here

with the world debut of "Hurricane Judith,"

her first single as a solo artist.

Dudes and dudettes,

give it up for Katrina Banks!

♪ It was calm and it was quiet ♪

♪ Peaceful as a prairie It was only temporary ♪

♪ Then began the holy riot ♪

♪ She blew down the door, It was a prairie no more ♪

♪ Hurricane Judith blew in ♪

♪ Beauty and grace, World school and etiquette ♪

♪ Hurricane Judith blew in ♪

♪ The eye of the storm comes From Greenwich, Connecticut ♪

♪ She tore up my heart, Gotta get me a tourniquet ♪

♪ [indistinct] lies ♪

♪ In the eye Of Hurricane Judith ♪

♪ Wind from the south ♪

♪ Judith's mouth Like a cold tsunami ♪

♪ Wind from the north ♪

♪ Judith's force Makes me want my mommy ♪

♪ Wind from the east ♪

♪ She's a beast, She's possessed ♪

♪ But nothing compares To the wicked air ♪

♪ Wind Judith blows in From the west ♪

♪ Cold winds blow, Cold as snow, cold wind ♪

♪ And your heart Is blowing me apart ♪

♪ Hurricane Judith blew in ♪

♪ She tore down my heart, Turned it into a hollow ♪

♪ Hurricane Judith blew in ♪

♪ Judith ♪

♪ There's a cold, cold wind Blowing in your heart ♪

Fuck you! Fuck you!

Katrina, [indistinct],

a word with you in private, s'il vous plaît?

Fuck you!

You--

You know, they booed Dylen off the stage

the first time he played "Electric," and look how he wound up.

Yeah, but he was good.

Jeremy, why don't you wait for me in the Green Room.

They have those donuts with the sprinkles you like.

- Hi. - Hi.

So, uh, what did Spencer say?

He was nice and supportive.

Great, great. And?

And he said that if I don't reunite with Crevice

by the end of the business day,

he'll cancel my $15 million record deal.

He's fluffing, come on. What did you say?

I said "no."

I don't remember my exact words,

but the gist of it was, "Yes, sir."

Well, I really don't think

I can work with those guys again.

Well, Spencer thought of that,

so he got a court order to keep you 100 miles

from the recording studio,

which will be in London, so you won't be inconvenienced.

- You're out! - Yeah, you're out!

Katrina, you don't need those guys.

All they can offer you is fame and money,

but me, me, I can offer you

emotional honesty.

Mm, Martin.

I'm sorry, but if I'm not a rock star,

I don't know who else to be.

Well, you can be Mrs. Martin Tupper.

Eventually, you know, theoretically speaking.

I will never forget what you did for me.

And when the album's done

and-- and I finish my 18-month world tour,

we'll get together.

You know, I'm beginning to understand why ghosts moan.

- Hello. - Hi. Hey, it's me.

You want to go to a movie or something?

Actually, I was just gonna go to bed.

At eight o'clock?

Okay, what are you-- Are you still mad at me?

No, no, no, no.

I'm just a little, you know, tired.

You want me to have Jeremy stay here tonight?

Well, he's sleeping at Bobby's,

so I'll just call you tomorrow, okay?

Good night.

Who was that?

Oh, no one.

Anyway, uh, where were we?

You know, you really are beginning to grow on me.

You just--

With our bank at 1800--

It's a deep drive into left center--

Crevice's new album has been greeted with great reviews

and record-breaking sales in its first week.

The band will be commencing its world tour

Buddakan next month.

In other news, sources close to the band

speculate that Banks' return to form

may be connected with a return to her heroin habit.

Now stay tuned for the world premiere

of Crevice's new video, "Crystal Hindsight."

I told you not to disturb me.

Hi, I'm Warren Zevon.

We met at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame dinner.

Yeah, yeah, I remember.

I-- I really loved the work you did with Katrina Banks.

- It was years ahead of its time. - Yeah?

Well, that's what we were going for.

Anyway, I've been thinking about

what you said about my chord progressions,

and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to help me out

with a couple of songs I've been struggling with.

Warren. Warren.

This may sound a little radical, you know,

but why don't you follow that G

with an A minor?

Of course. It's so obvious now.

Yeah, I think you're getting it.

Yeah.