Original subtitles

May we cast off now, Mr. Baldwin?

We're late.

I've got to wait for that fool, Tweeney.

He's a great salesman. He sells thousands of brushes a year. That's

isn't it? That's everything.

I manufacture them.

Baldwin brushes.

They brush.

Permit me.

I want to get out of this country.

I have a feeling I'm being spied on.

Everybody in this country feels like that. But I can't understand it.

Buying is impossible in Klopstockia.

American? No, Klopstockian. A hundred percent.

Gee, I'd like to meet you.

I'd like to know your name.

Gee, hold up.

To sum it all up, I love you.

Must be Cupid.

No, that's my little brother, Willie.

He thinks all Americans are Indians.

Say, are these errors poisoned?

Only some of them.

Great kid.

A little rat.

And who are you?

Anything you want to make from me.

Oh, these brushes, the finest brushes made. These bristles, these bristles,

well, they'll get in corners where mops won't get in them.

Why, the finest quality.

And if your money isn't satisfactory, well, we return the brooms.

What are you selling?

Yes.

I love you, too.

It's half past four. It's 4 .30. He's waiting for me at the dock. It's 4 .30.

Who? My boss, Mr. Baldwin. My boss, he makes these brushes. They brush. Come

get a hold of Buffalo Bill. Let's get out of here.

My dear General.

Now, that's too friendly.

Dear General.

A little too friendly.

General Wagonhalls.

Dear sir.

Now, why should I be so respectful?

I'll demote the cop.

Corporal Wagonhalls.

He'll resent that.

He resent anything I call him.

The crud.

Just for that, tail it, wagon horse.

Put yourself under arrest.

Taxi.

Taxi. Hold it there.

Layer 15 and 5.

Now, you know, brother, this is a matter of life and death.

What is it?

What is it? Can you imagine a guy wise back in when I'm a busy man? What is it?

What is this, another one of your little brothers?

Get your mind together.

Don't! Listen, don't play around, will you? I've got to get to the dock here.

Come on, get going.

Hey, you know this. What was that, thunder?

Come on, get in quick. It's 4 .30 and Mr. Baldwin's waiting for me.

Get in.

I guess you've been up for a stretch here, you big dog.

Yes, sir, 4 .30.

Hey, wait!

If you wasn't no man, I'd...

I'm a busy man.

Just keep that meter running there, fella.

I'll be right back, honey.

Come

on,

dear.

But, Father, isn't he handsome?

Yes, but I'll fix that.

Come on, dear, we must take it on the lam.

Hey, boss, you're late.

I'm late?

I'm late?

You're fired.

You can't fire me. I just made a contact, and what a beautiful contact.

She's about this high and terrific. You know I'm not going to miss those Olympic

game tryouts. It's the dream of my life to do something for athletes.

Can you imagine the headlines?

Baldwin endows record breakers. Presents fortune to winning team.

Right.

There'll be a mutiny if we wait another minute, Mr. Baldwin.

We must sail now with or without you.

I'll pay your passage back. Your contract calls for it. Yeah, well, I

going. Think I'm going to leave all this beautiful territory unbrushed? Ah,

goodbye. Ah, goodbye, Mr. Baldwin. Bon voyage.

Don't take no wooden brushes.

Did you see that beautiful girl that got out that beautiful coach?

What beautiful girl's beautiful name?

Angela. Angela.

Angela!

What do you think I am, a bee?

How many customers we turn away today?

Only 24, sir.

Oh, well, we're slipping.

I guess business is bad all over the world.

You've got to eat more.

I hardly get a workout when you're this light.

Not that I'm not having fun, but the cabinet is in session and they're

for it.

Okay. One more nip up and I'll go.

Ah, if you could only bounce.

Quick now.

Before our beloved president gets here, the rat.

Let's have the report of the three secret emissaries.

Here's the plan.

The government bonds are due in exactly two months.

If the government fails to meet its obligation, we get control of the mines.

It should be easy.

As far as the president knows, we're the most loyal cabinet any president ever

had.

When will we be rid of this boar?

As soon as we find someone to lick him.

And that'll be any day now.

You're getting stronger.

And someday I'll do that to him.

Someday.

His Excellency, the President.

Any of you mugs been playing my harmonica?

It's busted.

Gentlemen, the usual...

The

usual

oath of allegiance to me and no stalling.

We pledge our allegiance to you.

Thank you.

And I, in turn, will always extend to you the hearty hand clasp of friendship.

Angela!

Angela!

At last.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me.

That's the way we make him.

Are you hurt?

No, I guess not.

Let's get married.

You'll have to ask father. In this country, it's a law.

That's okay.

It's okay with me.

We'll obey the laws of the land.

What the country needs is money.

And it's up to you.

Oh, my God.

money. And it's up to you to get it for me. And if you don't, I'm going to take

it out of your hide.

Just as I suspected.

The country's starving and you with gold in your teeth.

Get out!

Whatever it is, no.

Your new buddy, God, is outside safe.

Are they any better than that last lot of lunch you sent me?

They're eight boogeymen.

Send them in. I'll take them for a boogey ride.

I'm so afraid he'll hurt you. He has a ferocious temper. He's apt to break your

arm. What do I care? I got two of them.

Any of them corpses your father?

No, but he's around somewhere.

I get it.

For my mother.

Sal, look here.

That's a pretty nasty temper you got there, neighbor.

What do you want?

Well... If I go one round with you, can I marry your daughter?

And the Constitution says a cat can't hit a man under 200 pounds.

Safety! Father,

they won't hurt him, will they? Only for about two hours.

Then they'll shoot him.

You got that money?

If you have it, scat.

Oh, but we have something else for you. What is it? An ultimatum. I don't want

any. I just had roast goat stuffed with eels.

You have no way of meeting those bonds.

We demand that you turn over the reins of the government to us.

You're completely in our power.

I've got him. I've got him.

Someday.

Fine state of affairs.

The treasury's nearly empty and he almost threw me.

Those soldiers will hurt him. I know they will.

I'm as weak as a cat.

I haven't been drinking my goat's milk. My doctor told me.

He's not very strong.

He'll get an address.

I should have gone to night school. I'd have been able to add.

Eleven to one is such unfair odds.

Eleven are not odds. It's even. I know that much.

He's the only man I've ever loved.

It'll take a wizard to get me out of this.

Father, you said you wanted a wizard.

Lizard? What would I do with a lizard?

No, Father, wizard.

Wizard. Oh, I'd give anything for a good, clean wizard.

Well, there he is.

He's made them forget they're afraid of you.

He's my man.

I must speak to him. Have him write me for an appointment.

Never mind, I'll write him. As a matter of fact, I'll call him.

Hey!

Come up here!

What's his name?

Well, I call him Sweetheart.

Sweetheart.

Hey!

Sweetheart! Come up here!

Got me in their power, eh? They don't know about sweetheart.

Darling. Gee, you scared me when you called just then.

I'm afraid your voice is changing.

I'm a judge of men and you're a man.

We'll be married in one minute.

I hate these long engagements.

Not only that, but you're a great salesman. Of course, you'll have to get

on very little to start.

In fact, we'll have to chisel our budget.

I'll make you my privy counselor. What do you say?

I'd love to chisel with you.

What do you say?

He says yes.

Come here.

Help me out of my trouble and you can marry my daughter.

I'll break your neck.

This country needs eight million dollars.

Where am I going to get it?

Why don't you take up a collection?

There isn't $80 in cash in the whole country.

Besides, I know nothing about money.

All I have is my great strength and a lot of impatience.

Well, after all, what's $8 million?

Take off the zeros and what have you got?

We've got the zeros.

What's bothering me is the eight.

Well, one thing is sure. Nobody would be fool enough to lend this kind of a

country money.

Hurry up and think of something.

I warn you, when I get sore...

You don't look it, but I'm sure you have.

You have what?

It. Your great strength. That's all that we need. We've got to enter this

country in the Olympic Games. Or say, you'll win the weightlifting contest

ease. And Mr. Baldwin will give you more money than you could count. If you

could count.

Where are we going to get the rest of the athletes?

I'll find them. You got bill collectors in this country?

Thousands of them. Then you got runners. And I'll find them.

Splendid.

Everything must be secret.

Surrounded by spies.

Sometimes I mistrust myself.

Well, then listen. Don't talk to yourself.

And if you do, lie.

Shh.

Someone is following me.

Of course.

We're following you.

Oh, I was wondering.

It was a mockingbird.

What was that?

Another mockingbird?

No, that was a spy.

How could you tell which is which? You can't. Ah, then I was right. So was I.

I pass.

Reno Trump, you're lead.

Upside -daisy.

Are all the doors locked?

And all the bolts and special chains in place?

And all the cracks are medically sealed?

I fastened all the doors myself.

I tried them.

And I'll hide the key.

Good.

Now then, to business. We must do something about this young American with

brushes. He'll bother us.

Let's put dandruff in his brushes.

Oh, no. I have a better plan.

I know a woman.

Being with you is like being in heaven.

I love you, too.

The one that can save us.

The greatest woman spy of all time.

Madam McCree.

Madam McCree.

The woman no man can resist.

The woman no man can resist.

I must call on her and ask her to help us.

You must call on her. We'll all call on her. Come on, let's get out of here.

You think of everything.

Who was them guys, a college fraternity?

They'll kill you, I know.

Well, it's nice to be sure.

Here. Take this to my privy counselor.

Where is he, Your Excellency?

Where would a privy counselor be?

If he's not there, he's with my daughter.

Wait. Don't let anyone see you in that uniform.

They will know I'm communicating with him.

Take this goatskin.

One I always use when traveling incognito.

Proceed.

You're not going to let them frighten you, are you?

Well, me?

The only reason I'm shaking is because I'm sore.

My hero.

Hey! Look!

It's alive!

And it's after us!

Hey!

Well, whatever it is, it's miles behind us now.

I thought you'd show up sooner or later.

It's Father's Major Domo.

I hope we didn't keep you waiting. No, I've only been here ten minutes.

How'd you come by plane? Oh, that's too slow. I ran.

You ran.

You run pretty fast, don't you? Oh, I can't make much time around here because

the ground is so uneven and I have to jump overseas.

Say, listen, tell me something.

How long do you think it'll take you to take this answer back to him?

I can do it in about, oh, 25 minutes.

Well, that way, it's about 30 miles.

But I know a shortcut that's only 40.

Well, that way, you save 10 miles, huh?

No, but that way, I get a running start.

do you want? We should like to see Mattair McCree.

But who wouldn't? I want to see this woman no man can resist.

Sorry. Madam has only resisted from two to four in the afternoon.

My good fellow, kindly announce the Secretary of the Treasury.

The Secretary of State.

Secretary of Interior.

Secretary of Agriculture.

Secretary of Labor.

Secretary of War.

And the Secretary of the Navy.

Oh, most beautiful of all that is beautiful.

Oh, fairer since Helen.

Seven eggs coming up.

Line up, suckers.

Matter, McCree.

The woman no man can resist.

Right.

Isn't somebody bad going to say something?

I know why you are here. I know everything.

I even know what you think, you beast.

Take a look, just a look at the hottest thing in our club.

Thank you.

He's a masculine, oh, you are not.

You can tell when I get hot. It starts when I

get mean.

Not too close, or you catch on fire.

How can I concentrate?

You will help us?

I will.

The boat that takes them will take me, while I take them.

And your pay?

Don't worry.

I'll get it, and it'll be plenty.

Good day.

You know what?

What? I love you.

In Klopstockia, there's another way of saying that.

In public?

Here is a song of love.

It's in the old Klopstockian language that we used to speak before we learned

English. When you've learned to sing, Lizzie, I'll know you really love me.

It's priceless.

Guard it with your life.

Woof, bloogle, jick.

Moe, jick, bloogle, woof.

Woof, bloogle, jick.

Moe, jick, bloogle, woof.

Gee, clever words.

It's an old family copy.

Say, tell me, what's it printed on? My grandfather.

Wait here.

Don't go away.

Gee, what a marvelous country.

I suppose you're going for wrestling, too.

Come on, Angela, move it.

Her name Angela, too?

All the girls in this country are named Angela.

And all the men are named George.

Why? Why not?

You'd better carry me over.

Nice considered girl, ain't she?

All right, then.

Terrific. What a marvelous country.

Say, I'll bet you if they laid all the athletes end to end here while they'd

reach here... 484 miles.

How do you know?

We did it once.

George! George! Oh, George!

Oh, George!

What do you want?

You boys got any jobs?

No?

Well, then come with me.

Say, listen here, you'd mop up like the Baldwin brushes.

It's for the fatherland.

Say, these boys will clean up in Los Angeles, and if they do, Mr. Baldwin

rain money on your old man.

They tell me it never rains in Los Angeles.

Only money.

Only money.

Say, I don't know whether I've ever mentioned it, but I love you.

I don't know whether I ever mentioned it.

But in Klopstockia, there's an old song.

Mm -hmm.

I was waiting for that.

Shall

I

do my practicing now?

Yeah, come on.

All right. You just keep running around the ship.

All right, ready?

Hey,

that guy's got me worried.

Maybe he ran off the boat.

I've been very fond of runners.

Come on, come on. Dicks are up down later.

I've been very fond of... ...trainer's booze.

We have a song, no doubt.

How can I? You got my guitar.

Listen.

You want me to start jumping now?

Well, you're a jumper, aren't you? Go ahead, jump.

You ready?

Excuse me just a minute. I want to find out where that grasshopper jumped to.

I've been very fond of yompers.

Hey!

Yompers must yomp!

Get ready.

I have been hearing you sing.

What was it you sang?

Just a little song.

Here's how it goes.

I thought you couldn't sing without the guitar.

I can't get... She's got me talking like this to me.

Oh.

Hello, sweetheart.

Listen, my name's Tweenie.

You'll always be sweetheart to me.

I know, I know, but there's talk already.

Stick around, watch me exercise.

He's going to exercise.

But he's not going to be in any better condition than I am.

These walls are just like tissue paper.

These walls are like tissue paper.

Say, will you keep me from being interrupted till I finish this song?

All right, sweetheart.

It's just for you.

It's just for you. It's just for you.

It's just for you. It's just for you.

We will.

We will.

We

will.

Stopped Los Angeles.

Where's the Major Domo?

He's outside there doing a little road work.

You were going to lower the morale of the team.

Instead, they fell in love with you. And the morale went up.

Tonight in Los Angeles.

I've been going to Laurier.

A whole team?

Yes.

My compliments.

Tonight?

Well, old man, which way to the Los Angeles Olympic Stadium?

You mean the Los Angeles Stadium at Los Angeles?

Approximately. Well, that's in Los Angeles.

About 470 miles that way.

Conductor, I thought this train went to Los Angeles.

So did I. I can't understand it. We haven't made a mistake like this in 40

years.

Special to Los Angeles just arrived.

But this is San Francisco. What's it doing here? How do I know? Am I a

timetable?

Hey, where's the engineer?

I trapped him just outside Kansas City.

Now I'm going to drop you.

Leave him alone.

A fine mess you've made of things. If you keep your mind on us instead of on

that Swede.

Listen, I'm not even going to answer that last remark.

We've got to fight a Los Angeles. I'm going to get the taxi cab to take us to

the flying field. We'll be changing planes in midair, I have no doubt. Of

course, I'm having a great time here myself. Listen, you wait here. I'll have

those taxi cabs before you can say Jack Robinson. Jack Robinson.

at last, my lover, with you.

You're all so wonderful.

I do not know which I've been loved the most.

You double -crosser, you fool me.

You'd cut your mother's throat for a dick. I'll cut yours for nothing.

He's sick.

It's a wonderful Californian day, a wonderful Californian sunset.

They've been sure not to win so they then

don't get money from that Baldwin Fowler.

They don't bend?

That I agree.

You're priceless.

Priceless? Oh, no.

I got my prize.

Gee, we might be able to get some if we sold these guys as souvenirs.

The games are starting.

Can't anything be done with these idiots?

Oh, everything has been done.

It's no use, honey. We're through.

No, give them a pep talk.

All they need is some spirit.

Remember father.

You remember him.

It's a cinch.

Athletes of Klopstockia, what's a couple of broken bones?

Why don't you think about something to cheer you up? Your sweethearts, your

native land, dinner, the ones you left behind, the woman you love, the...

the matter?

What matters the matter?

That's all they needed was to mention that dame. Gee, I'd just like to ham her

and tear her into bits and throw her to the goats of Klopstockia. Only I haven't

got anything against the goats.

Then you can resist her.

Honey, I can resist that dame. It was New Year's Eve, and I was drunk, and we

were both locked in a telephone booth.

Little Angela's going to do something about this. I hope.

Kiss me.

It's a cinch.

you're the woman no man can resist.

You blondine, overstuffed cooch dancer.

Get out.

All right.

But you're coming with me.

You're going to come with me and tell those men you don't love any of them.

Yes, but I might ask it.

I'm not telling no man I don't love him.

The blood that runs in my father's veins runs in mine.

If I can't make you come with me, I'm not half the man my father is.

I'm going to count three.

One. No.

Two. No.

Three. No.

Gentlemen, think of the great battle when Klopstockia won its independence.

We lost it.

Finals in the 32 -foot dive.

Klopstockia's champion woman diver has failed.

full of water to fight anymore.

It's a wonderful exhibition.

What country do you represent?

Vostokia.

Oh, permit me.

I have not been in love with any of these men.

It's been just a conspiracy.

And now, George, will you fight for your country?

Yes!

Which way is the field?

It's that way, for good old Klopstockia. It's that way.

I think I'm dreaming.

There goes Naomi.

No, it wasn't Naomi. It was Wyckoff.

No, it wasn't Wyckoff. It's somebody doing the broad jump. I'll never make

It's already three feet higher than I've ever jumped. Oh, listen, you've got to

make it. Here, here. Here's some goat's milk.

That'll fix him up.

The next event will be the one -mile run.

Timers and judges ready.

On your mark.

Fingers on or back of the line.

Get set.

What's the matter with you? Why don't you start?

Well, after all, why should I do all this running?

Listen, will you get going? There are 100 yards ahead.

Did you ever study astronomy?

No. Will you get going? Now, that's just a trouble.

Now, if you had, you'd realize how very small 100 yards to get.

Do something! Do something!

And I read in the Sunday paper that the Earth is moving towards the

constellation of Hercules at the rate of 100 ,000 miles a second.

You'll admit that's pretty fast, huh?

who have competed up till now as a freelance entrant.

He's out to keep us from winning the meet.

Let's avoid all the preliminaries.

Skip the first 500 pounds.

I'm not sure I can make it.

I've been going to inspire you.

Here, go ahead.

All right, if you're going to act like that about it.

it off the ground.

He has not. It isn't off the ground.

You're right. It was off the ground.

Those weights are getting a bit hefty.

Maybe it's because you're pulling against the wind.

Yes, it wouldn't be a bit... Oh, inspire me, Matty.

Give me a double portion this time.

I hope he doesn't lift the other one.

I've done all I can do.

Me too.

I've been done all I can do.

In public.

I'm all in.

I can't lift another pound.

My parents always said I was puny.

Then shall I call a contest to draw with no score for anyone?

Do as you like. I've given my last grunt for my country.

Make Father angry. That's when he's really the strongest.

Come on, get up, you big mallet head.

I say you're a big beetle -puss slug.

Well, I ought to punch you in the nose.

weightlifting contest, but also the shot put. We win!

We're going to make our getaway.

I think I go home now.

Wonderful, wonderful. My fortune's at your disposal.

Listen, all I want is two bucks for a marriage license.

Sweetheart, introduce me.

Oh, pardon me. This is the prayers, Mr. Baldwin. Mr. Baldwin of Baldwin's

brushes. They price. This is the prayers, Mr. Baldwin.

My congratulations.

Thanks.

Mighty fine grip you got there, Baldwin.

Oh, it ain't so much.

but I've been drinking too much orange juice.