Original subtitles

(logo reverberating)

(relaxing music)

- [Ruth] I mean, I really like that project that we did,

to be honest.

- Yeah, but on the whole,

I just think this year's been a massive bore.

I mean, the most interesting thing,

was that Bridie had a baby, and I swear to God,

if I have to see one more photo of that potato-ey blob.

- Oh, come on, he's cute.

- I just miss the good old days,

where people would be gossiping

over who got what segment of the mag

or secretly sleeping around.

- You're literally fucking the CEO.

- Fine, when I wasn't the only one secretly sleeping around.

- Yeah, well you weren't exactly secret about it.

- Well, remember two years ago,

we did that story about that guy

who was taking photos of girls he'd brought home

and then selling them online,

then we found out Shauna had actually slept with him.

- I didn't hear about that!

- Oh, that was juicy.

You didn't see the story?

- Well, I work in accounts,

I don't exactly read the trash that we put out.

Oh, I don't mean your fashion segments, I love those.

- If you'd been reading them,

you wouldn't be sat here dressed like a middle-aged mom,

who hasn't been fingered for years.

- That's not what I look like!

- [Stacy] Speaking of which, how's Eric?

- Oh, he's so perfect Stace,

I finally found a guy that actually respects me.

(Gemma groaning) (hand smacking)

He's so caring and gentle and he's a proper feminist,

he loves how intelligent I am.

- You dumb fucking stupid slut,

you like it, (Gemma groaning)

you like it? (Eric grunting)

- And you'll never guess what,

I think he's gonna propose!

'Cause he's been acting really strange recently

and going out of the house

and he's spending Christmas with my family,

so it's perfect timing.

(Eric grunting)

- I can't believe it.

- Yep, you're looking at a soon to be wifey!

- I literally can't imagine anything worse.

- What?

- Well, marriage, one man,

one cock, for the rest of your life?

- Yes.

- You want that?

- Of course.

It's gonna be the best Christmas ever.

- Well yeah, sure.

But then he's still gonna be there,

for the Christmas after that and the Christmas after that

and the Christmas after that, and the Christmas after-

- Okay, okay, I get what you're saying,

but why wouldn't I wanna spend my favorite day of the year,

with my favorite person?

I mean, he's the stuffing to my turkey,

(Stacey grunting)

the star to my Christmas tree,

the Christmas to my cracker.

- Okay, I get it, Christmas is like your thing,

(Ruth laughing)

but you're getting sidetracked here.

You're honestly telling me, that for the rest of your life,

you want to wake up to the same laugh, the same jokes,

the same sex, every single day, until you die.

- Yes!

(Stacey sighing)

- You're hopeless.

I'm gonna be praying for you,

while you're off planning your nativity themed wedding.

- Oh my God, that is such a good idea!

- You've got issues.

(Ruth laughing)

- I should get going.

- You can't stay for one more drink?

- In exactly 43 minutes, it's gonna be the first of December

and I have a surprise for Eric,

to kickstart the festivities.

- Ooh, I bet you do!

- Isn't it great?

- I mean, it's definitely a surprise.

(Ruth laughing)

- Are you not coming?

- No, you go.

That guy at the bar's been undressing me,

with his eyes, all night.

I'm gonna stick around,

to see if he knows how to use his hands too.

- Okay, well be careful.

- Well, he's the one you should be worried for.

(relaxing music continues)

Hi.

(Eric grunting) (whip thudding)

- You've been a bad boy, haven't you?

- Yes, I've been a bad boy.

- And you know, what happens to bad boys?

- [Eric] Oh, yes.

- Don't you?

- Yes.

(Eric and Gemma grunting)

(door clicking)

- [Ruth] Eric? I'm home.

- Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit.

- [Ruth] Eric!

Eric, where are you?

Eric!

- Hey. What, what time is it?

- It's Christmas time!

(Eric sighing)

- What?

- [Ruth] Are you not excited?

Got a surprise for you!

Surprise! - [Eric] Hey.

Hey.

Uh, very nice.

- [Ruth] You want to try it on?

- No, no. It's okay. It looks like it fits from here.

Just don't wanna get it dirty.

- What are you doing?

- Uh, nothing.

- What?

(Ruth laughing)

Have you been masturbating?

(Eric grunting)

To a gardening book?

- Some vegetables are very suggestive.

(Ruth laughing)

- Wait, what's that?

- What?

- What, what's wrong with, show me,

what's wrong with your dick?

- It's nothing.

- Why does it look like it's being strangled?

Eric, tell me!

- No!

- What? What is that?

- What do you mean, "what is that?"

- [Ruth] That!

- What?

- I bought it for you, remember?

Or did you block that from your memory,

like everything else?

- What are you talking about?

- Well, maybe if you paid me more attention,

I wouldn't have to bash off to pictures of pots of plants,

would I?

(Ruth grunting)

- Why are you saying this?

- Every time I've mentioned it to you,

about that spicing up our sex life, you flat out ignore me

or it just goes in one ear and out the other.

You know how that makes me feel?

- You think I'm boring?

- No. No. I never said that.

Look, I think I like certain things and you don't,

that's fine.

But I think as a girlfriend, you should meet me halfway.

You know?

(somber music)

- I want this Christmas to be really special.

- So do I, babe.

- Okay, well...

If that's what you want, then okay.

(upbeat music)

- Wait, not now, not now.

(Ruth laughing)

(Eric sighing)

(Eric laughing)

(Ruth laughing)

Oh yeah. Yeah. Move, move, move, move.

(both laughing)

Come here.

- I love you.

(kisses smacking) (Eric grunting)

Ruth!

- You fucking, fucking, - [Eric] Ruth!

manipulative piece of shit! (Eric groaning)

You! Who the fuck are you?

Out, now!

Fucking asshole, out! Get out!

Both of you, you fucking dickhead!

(Ruth exclaiming)

(Ruth gasping) (somber music)

(trash bag rustling)

(somber music continues)

(sweater rustling)

(Ruth sighing)

(Ruth exhaling) (traffic reverberating)

(feet scuffing)

- Oh, honey.

(Stacey sighing)

(candy rattling)

(candy clicking)

- What? What are you doing here?

- You called me.

- I did?

- Eleven times at four o'clock in the morning, to be exact.

- Oh God, I'm sorry!

- So he ran out on you, huh?

- He ran like the wind, more like.

(Ruth grunting)

He didn't even have the balls to break up with me.

I had the pleasure of doing that myself.

- But why?

Things were going so well.

- Turns out things were going so well,

because he was fucking some slut on the side,

that was willing to do horrible, nasty things with him,

that I won't do, because apparently I'm too boring.

- [Stacy] No.

- Yep.

- That motherfucker.

(Stacey sighing)

- I know.

Now I'm gonna have to spend Christmas

with my lonesome boring self, drinking.

- No, you are not.

Christmas is your thing, remember?

You are not gonna sit here

and let asshole that ruin it for you.

He called you boring, who cares?

Doesn't mean that you are.

- Do you think I'm boring?

- Take off your top

and I might be able to answer that for you.

- I'm being serious.

- So am I!

Do you want my help or not?

(Stacey laughing)

Okay, this wasn't fair of me.

That's your breakup bra, right?

(Ruth groaning)

That's your, shitty, I hate myself,

depression, bra, right?

(Ruth groaning)

Oh, please don't tell me,

all your underwear looks like that.

Nope. Definitely not.

Ew, are you serious?

- They were on sale.

(Ruth sniffing)

- Are these granny pants?

I haven't seen a pair of these,

since I had to help my great Aunt Margaret of her commode.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't be laughing.

Ah! What have we got here?

(Ruth sighing)

Eric gave that to me, it's an anniversary present.

- That's more like it!

- We never used it.

- You never used it.

I hate to break it to you, but somebody's been using it.

(Stacey sniffing)

- So I am boring.

- Not boring, maybe just a little bit vanilla.

- Well, what's wrong with vanilla?

It's the garlic of the dessert world

and it's the best flavor of ice cream.

Everyone knows that.

- Oh honey, no.

You don't want to be vanilla ice cream.

You want to be triple scoop, salted caramel ice cream

with chocolate sprinkles and flaky salt on top.

- That does sound good.

(Stacey gasping) (hands clapping)

- I know what we're gonna do!

It's Saturday and it's the first day of Christmas,

so it's going to be a shit-show

and you better be prepared to elbow some ladies in the tit.

(Ruth laughing)

- What the fuck are you talking about?

- We are going shopping

and you're not going dressed like that.

(Ruth sighing)

(buoyant music)

Come on!

(trash bag thudding)

See, doesn't that feel good?

Sexual healing a la credit card. Let's go.

(buoyant music continues)

(Stacey sighing)

Ruth?

(underwear rustling)

(both laughing)

(buoyant music continues)

(heels clicking)

(clothes thudding)

(Ruth sighing)

(lips smacking)

Are you sure you don't want my help?

- [Ruth] Yeah, I'm fine.

(Ruth grunting)

- What's taking so long?

- [Ruth] Stace?

- Yeah?

- [Ruth] I need your help.

(Stacey laughing)

(Ruth gasping)

- What are you trying to do, put it on or take it off?

- At this point, either.

- Come here.

- Ow! (relaxing music)

- Yeah.

Fucking hell, you've been hiding that, from the world?

(Ruth laughing)

Look at those perfects tits!

(Ruth laughing)

And that ass!

(both laughing)

(Stacey laughing)

What are you doing?

No, you've got to strut in, like you own the place!

(heels thudding)

(Stacey laughing)

There you go!

(Stacey speaking in a foreign language)

(Stacey laughing)

The boys aren't gonna know what's hit them.

Alright, next.

I wanna see you in the red one.

(Stacey laughing)

Ooh! Okay, good. Come here.

I want you to take the keys, go over there,

come back and drop your keys.

(keys chiming)

Now pick them up.

No! Have you never seen legally blonde?

- No.

- You need to bend, tits first.

(keys chiming)

Yes! That's it.

Now come and sit down, you sexy bitch.

(both laughing)

(Ruth sighing)

(relaxing music)

Now you can walk the walk, but can you talk the talk?

I want you to repeat after me.

- Okay.

- I want you inside me.

(Ruth laughing)

- I'm not saying that!

- Why? It's just words, it won't bite you. Say it!

(Ruth sighing)

- I want you inside me.

- Good, now say, I want to climb on top of you and ride you.

- I want to climb on top of you and ride you.

(Stacey laughing)

- I want you in my mouth.

(both laughing)

- I want you in my mouth.

(Ruth gasping)

(Stacey laughing)

(kisses smacking)

Wait, wait, wait, Stace.

I'm sorry, I can't do this.

- No worries. I get it.

(Ruth sighing)

But if you don't want to with me,

I know a place, where there are loads of attractive men

that you can practice your new moves on.

- What, like a bar?

- Hmm, there's a bar there.

(Stacey laughing)

- Okay. Should we go get ready?

- Perfect. Let's go!

(Ruth laughing)

(glasses chiming)

(upbeat music)

(feet thudding) (both laughing)

(both talking indistinctly)

- Oh my God, you didn't tell me we're going to a sex club.

- I'm telling you now!

We're going to a sex club.

- Is this even legal?

- Of course it is.

Not like we're just doing it out on the street,

stop stressing.

If you don't feel like participating,

just have a drink, enjoy the show.

- Okay.

(doorbell buzzing)

(door thudding)

(loud music reverberating)

- Names?

- Stacey Allen.

- Oh, Mary...

Magdalene.

- Cash or card?

- Card please. My treat.

- Coats and bags over there, no phones allowed.

(Stacey laughing)

(loud music continues reverberating)

(feet thudding)

(sex club goers exclaiming) (whip smacking)

- Yeah?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

(sex club goers continue exclaiming)

- Hello.

- Fancy a threesome?

- I think my friend's gonna sit this one out,

but I'm happy to have you all to myself.

(sex club goers continue exclaiming)

- You are so beautiful.

- Thanks.

- I really want to eat your pussy.

- Uh, I'm okay, thanks.

- Well, if you change your mind...

(sex club goers continue exclaiming)

- First night at, BJ?

- I'm sorry?

- BJ, The Black Jaguar.

- Oh, yeah.

- Don't worry, you get used to it.

- I don't think I'll ever get used to this.

(sex club goers continue exclaiming)

Do you, do you partake?

- It's not my thing, really.

I just work here.

- Why wouldn't you just work at a normal club?

- 'Cause then I'd have a normal, boring job.

And who wants to be boring, right?

- Right.

- I'm Hugo.

- I'm, I'm Ruth.

- Do people call you Ru?

- Uh, yeah.

You think having a one syllable name

would be easy enough to remember.

- What about Rudolph?

- You'd be the first, but please don't call me that.

- You look more like a Cupid or a Vixen anyway.

- Ah, so you know your Christmas trivia!

- So what's Vixen doing for Christmas?

Got any big plans?

- Well, I did, but I don't anymore.

I don't even think I'm gonna go home to see my parents.

- Ah, the old party versus parents conundrum.

- Yeah.

More like telling them why I'm single,

versus not having to do that.

- Ah, the plot thickens!

(Hugo laughing)

So tell me, what sort of idiot leaves a girl like you?

(Ruth laughing)

- You know, the kind that's obsessed with his mom,

doesn't take any responsibility for his actions

and likes fucking girls that he's not dating.

- Wow.

- I know.

- What an absolute wanker.

- Right?

- And right before Christmas.

- I know!

- Well, if you're not doing anything,

you can join us here at the Jag.

- Are you guys gonna have a Christmas dinner?

- Not quite.

It's more of a Christmas sex party.

Hey, look, I know you're still getting used to all this,

but it'll be fun.

There'll be dancers, DJs

and we've even got some film stars coming.

- Really?

- Well, porn stars.

- Oh.

- And I'll be there.

- Oh, well in that case.

I mean Christmas is like the best day of the year, right?

I know, it's not exactly how it's meant to be

and no, I won't be going home to my parents,

like I have been doing ever since I was a kid,

but, you know,

it doesn't mean that it can't be

the most not-boring Christmas ever, right?

- Wow.

You really love Christmas, don't you?

- Is that bad?

- No. Hey, I think it's cute.

You wanna see something?

- Um, sure.

Aren't you still on shift?

- The boss won't mind.

(sex club goers continue exclaiming)

- Is this your boss's office?

- Sort of.

- Oh my God, these are gorgeous!

(Ruth gasping)

My grandparents had a set just like these.

We had names for all of them.

- What happened to them?

- [Hugo] When my grandparents died,

my dad probably sold them to, "Antiques Roadshow,"

or something.

- These weren't easy to find either.

- Are they yours?

- Yeah. It's amazing what you'll find,

in certain darker places of the internet.

You know what you were saying before, about being single?

It isn't a bad thing, you know,

it's more of a, try something new.

- I guess when you say it like that,

it doesn't sound so bad.

- Try someone new.

(Ruth grunting) (kisses smacking)

(both groaning)

(both continue groaning)

(kisses smacking)

- Oh my God.

Oh my God!

Oh my God, what if your boss came in?

- He wouldn't have.

- How do you know?

- I didn't tell you before, but I own The Black Jag.

- Wait, what? But I, I thought that you-

- You thought just 'cause I was a barman,

that I was a nobody.

- I didn't mean that. I just-

- Just teasing.

(Ruth laughing)

(kiss smacking)

I didn't wanna say earlier,

because sometimes people get intimidated

or think I'm a creep for owning in a place like this

and I didn't want your feelings of me to change.

Because I like you.

(Ruth laughing)

- I like you too.

- What do you say we get out of here?

My place is only a few miles away.

- Are you sure?

- I think I know where I live.

(Ruth laughing)

- No, I mean, are you sure about me?

- Is Christmas on the 25th?

- Yes.

- Well, that's your answer.

(Ruth laughing)

(kisses smacking)

(heels thudding)

- [Ruth] Oh I'm sorry, I should take these off.

- [Hugo] No, leave them on. I like them.

(kisses smacking)

- Actually, I'm still a bit sore.

(Ruth grunting)

- Is it the sort of pain you dislike?

- No. I, I don't dislike it.

I hadn't even thought about it.

- So what are you afraid of?

- I don't know, it's just pain.

- Exactly, that's all it is.

(Ruth sighing)

- Starting to sound like my ex,

he was always trying to get me to do this sort of stuff.

- And did you?

- No, I didn't want to.

- And what did you really want?

- I don't know.

I guess I'm just not one of those kind of girls

that's crazy about sex.

- But don't you think that maybe the reason for that,

is that you don't know what you really want?

- How would I know what I want?

- Ruth, do you trust me?

(Ruth grunting)

- As crazy as this sounds, yes.

(kisses smacking)

- Then we have work to do.

(pensive music) (feet thudding)

First and second draw.

(Ruth sighing)

(drawers scraping)

- Holy shit, if you're trying to scare me,

you're doing a good job!

- Nothing in here can hurt you.

On their own, all these things are nothing

but lifeless objects.

As long as you trust me,

there's nothing to be afraid of, okay?

- Okay.

- Besides, we're just taking baby steps,

one thing at a time.

- I don't even know what half these things are used for.

- Go on, pick one.

Don't be shy.

A very fine choice.

In the tray.

(restraints rattling)

- And these?

- You sure?

(restraints rattling)

- 'Tis the season.

(Ruth grunting)

(appliances reverberating)

Something smells good.

- Morning, sunshine.

(Ruth grunting) (kiss smacking)

- You've been up long?

- Long enough to burn some toast.

(Ruth laughing)

(kisses smacking)

(Ruth grunting)

(phone ringing)

- Oh. Oh, shit.

Sorry, do you mind?

- Go ahead.

- Hi, Mom.

- [Mom] Ruthie dear.

What's going on? You were meant to call me yesterday.

- Yeah. I'm sorry, I forgot.

Look Mom, I have something to tell you.

Eric and I, we-

(Mom gasping)

- [Mom] Engaged! I knew it, your father owes me a tenner.

(Mom laughing)

- Eric and I broke up.

Mom, are you still there? (dramatic music)

You're having a heart attack?

- [Mom] But you two were so good together, what happened?

- I don't really wanna talk about it now, Mom.

But I did wanna say,

that I probably won't be home for Christmas.

- [Mom] What?

- I just have a lot of things on my mind.

- [Mom] But Auntie Gwenn is coming,

all the way down from Newcastle.

- Yeah, exactly.

I really don't feel like being touched up this year.

- [Mom] Well, I thought that was Uncle Des.

- No, that was the year before

and he got so drunk on mulled wine,

he thought I was his wife.

- [Mom] Well, alright dear,

but I just, I don't want you spending Christmas

all on your own.

Are you sure you'll be okay?

- Don't worry about me, I'll be fine.

Besides, I think I've met someone new.

- [Mom] What, already?

(Ruth laughing)

- Call it a Christmas miracle.

- [Mom] Well, Hallelujah.

(both laughing)

- Look Mom, I've gotta go. I'll talk to you soon, okay?

Say hi to Dad for me.

- [Mom] Bye.

- I love you.

- [Mom] Oh, I love you.

- Okay. Okay, bye.

- [Mom] Bye, bye.

(phone ringing)

- [Eric] Ru, listen to me.

I've ended things with Gemma, it's over now.

We can go back to how things were.

I'll do whatever you want, just please take me back.

- I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number.

- [Eric] Wait, do you have my electric razor?

- I don't know. Give me a second, I'll have a look.

- [Eric] Okay, thanks.

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

- Breakfast is getting cold.

- Sorry.

It's a Christmas miracle.

- Huh?

- Nothing.

- Who was that?

- My mom.

- Did you break the news to her?

- I did.

She took it pretty well,

considering I'm the only one in the family,

that can make a perfect Christmas turkey.

(Ruth laughing)

- Oh yeah? What's the secret?

- Oh, well, if I told you, I'd have to kill you.

- You can try.

- I'm sure one of those toys in your sex menagerie

would do the trick.

- Mm, I want you to try even more now.

(Ruth laughing)

I wish I could lay in bed all day with you.

- Why can't you?

- Gotta go back to The Black Jag.

- On a Sunday?

- Yeah, lots of work to prepare for, with this party.

- Well, will I see you later? I can show you my place.

- Yeah. I'll text you when I clock off.

- Okay.

- And you stay as long as you like.

Just make sure you,

put back all the sex toys you play with.

(Ruth laughing)

(kiss smacking)

(upbeat music)

(Stacey grunting) (kisses smacking)

- No, no, don't. (phone ringing)

Don't, don't, don't.

(Stacey and Jack sighing)

- Ru, where did you go last night?

- Stace, you're not gonna believe it.

I think I'm in love, all over again.

- God, she has her first good fuck in four years

and she thinks it's love.

(both laughing)

So who is this guy?

- Well, I thought he was the bartender,

but turns out he actually owns, The Black Jaguar.

- Oh, you're kidding!

Does this mean you're going

to The Black Jag Christmas Party?

I heard it's gonna be wild.

(Jack grunting)

- Yeah. I mean,

I kind of wanna just spend Christmas, me and him, you know.

- Don't you think it's moving a bit fast?

You've just met this guy

and you're spending Christmas with him?

- I know it sounds crazy,

but I honestly think he could be the one.

- I mean, I don't wanna play devil's advocate, but-

(Stacey gasping)

- Stace?

- Look, I'm just saying,

the type of guys that go to The Black Jag,

they're not the type to settle down.

- Yeah, but Hugo's different, he doesn't actually take part,

he just runs the place.

(Stacey gasping)

- Yeah, I was surprised too.

- Look Ruth, I've gotta go.

(both laughing)

(Stacey grunting) (kisses smacking)

(Ruth laughing)

(upbeat festive music)

(upbeat festive music continues)

(phone clicking)

(feet thudding)

(door clicking)

(relaxing music)

(door clicking)

(coat rustling)

- Hi.

(Ruth gasping)

- Hi.

- Hungry?

- I could eat.

- I've brought spaghetti.

I realized, I didn't know what food you like,

thought it'd be a safe bet.

- I hate spaghetti.

- Really?

- Yeah, I can't stand it.

(Ruth laughing)

- [Hugo] You scared me.

- Your face!

- I should spank you with this.

- You'd like that, wouldn't you?

- What I would like, is to see you wearing this.

Wearing only this.

- And what makes you think I'd do that?

- Oh, come on.

- What's in it for me?

- My massive hard on.

(Ruth laughing)

- Wait here.

(kiss smacking)

(Ruth gasping)

(wine gurgling)

Okay I have an idea.

We'll both pull the cracker

and whoever gets only the end, has to wear the apron.

Deal? - Deal.

Ready?

- [Both] Three, two, one.

(cracker reverberating)

(Ruth laughing)

- No!

- You've got three seconds, to get out of that dress.

(zip buzzing)

- Well, I was gonna cook,

but I think I'd rather watch you do it now.

(Ruth laughing)

- Where's that spaghetti?

I'll give you a spanking in a minute.

(Ruth grunting) (kisses smacking)

Come on, we'll never have dinner at this rate.

- Fine by me.

(Ruth sighing)

I've got plenty to eat.

(Ruth gasping)

What do you call a snowman, that's had a temper tantrum?

- A meltdown.

- Okay, it's gonna be like that, is it?

(Ruth laughing)

(cracker reverberating)

(paper rustling)

Why did Santa get a ticket on Christmas Eve?

- Because he left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.

(Ruth laughing)

- Damn, you're good.

- I told you, I'm the queen of Christmas.

- Oh, I never would've guessed.

(Ruth laughing)

Alright, I've got one for you.

- Hit me.

- Why does Santa always come down the chimney?

- I don't know.

- Because some wives won't let him in the back door.

(Ruth laughing)

What do tits and train sets have in common?

It's the kid that always gets them,

but it's the dad that really wants them.

(Ruth laughing)

Okay, last one.

If your left leg was Thanksgiving

and your right leg was Christmas,

can I come and visit, in between the holidays?

(Ruth laughing)

- Wait here, I have a surprise for you.

- Yes, ma'am.

Very festive.

- Is it too much?

- Not at all.

I love it.

What's this?

An early Christmas present?

- Not exactly.

- Not exactly angelic.

- Eric gave it to me.

- But I didn't think, you're into this stuff.

(euphoric music)

- I'm not, but maybe I could be.

There's only one way to find out.

- Are you sure? I mean, this is all of Eric's stuff.

(Ruth grunting)

Well, you don't need to twist my arm.

(kisses smacking) (both grunting)

(Hugo gasping)

(euphoric music continues)

(kisses smacking) (both grunting)

(upbeat music)

(both groaning)

- That was incredible.

(Ruth grunting)

(kisses smacking)

Hugo,

I think I love you.

- I love you too.

(Ruth laughing)

(kisses smacking)

(buoyant music)

(kisses smacking)

(Ruth gasping)

(bodys thudding)

- [Ruth] I got there and he was amazing as always

and then we went into his office

and then we started having sex

and oh my God, it was the best.

(Ruth laughing)

(kisses smacking)

(Ruth grunting) (hand smacking)

(both grunting)

(Ruth groaning)

(Ruth groaning)

(relaxing music) (pen scraping)

(mouth crunching)

- Get your feet off the table!

You can't wait two minutes?

(doorbell buzzing)

(hand smacking)

You animal. (doorbell buzzing)

I'm coming!

(Jack grunting)

(door squeaking)

- [Stacy And Ruth] Hi!

- [Ruth] Hi, how are you? - [Stacey] How are you?

- Lovely.

(Stacey laughing)

- Hugo, Stacey. Stacey, Hugo.

- Nice to meet you, at last.

- Have we met before?

- Don't think so.

- I feel like I've seen you somewhere.

- Of course you have, he's the owner with The Jag.

- Ruth's told me so much about you,

I know you already. Come on. (Ruth laughing)

- Thank you. You look nice.

(Ruth laughing)

- [Stacy] Go upstairs. (door thudding)

(upbeat music)

Come in, take a seat.

- [Ruth] Thank you.

- Make yourselves comfortable.

And that beast of a man over there is Jack,

my new plaything.

(Ruth grunting)

- Oh, hi!

- Hi, hi.

- I do remember you,

although I think the last time we met,

you didn't have many clothes on.

(Ruth laughing)

- Ditto to that.

- No. I was wearing gold shorts, that was that it.

That was it, yeah.

- Oh.

- Alright, who's thirsty?

We've been drinking since six, so you two need to catch up.

(Ruth laughing)

There you go.

- Oh, wow.

- Thank you.

- Espresso cream lacquer martini.

(Ruth speaking in a foreign language)

- [Both] Mm.

- [Ruth] That is nice.

- I can't cook to save my life,

but I do make a mean cocktail.

(Hugo and Ruth laughing)

- These are even better, than the ones at The Black Jag.

- I don't think anyone goes to The Black Jag for the drinks.

No offense.

- None taken.

- Hammmerton Secondary, right?

- Nope, sorry.

- Damn.

- So what do you do, Jack?

- I'm a model.

- Wow.

- Underwear.

- Mm.

- Yeah, swimwear and nude shoots too.

- He's a life model, too.

- Oh!

- So basically anything,

where you don't have to wear your clothes.

(Jack and Ruth laughing)

- Pretty much.

I spoke to Stace, about your magazine Ruth

and you know, if you wanted a model,

but she said it wasn't one of them types of magazines.

- Mm. Near enough.

(Ruth laughing)

- Are you a naturist?

- I like trees.

- I mean, are you an advocate for nudity?

- Not really. I'm just, well, I just find clothes annoying,

that's what it is

and look, if you don't have to wear a shirt, for example,

I would choose not to.

(Ruth grunting)

- Did you ever work at the pizza place on Elm Street?

- No, I think there must be a doppelganger of me somewhere.

- More like Stace saw you at The Black Jag

and decided to do a deep-dive Facebook stalk of you.

(Ruth laughing)

- No, you're a little bit of a ghost online, aren't you?

There's barely any proof you exist.

- No. Nobody gets past me.

I think I'd make a really good spy.

(Stacey laughing)

- Not with that laugh!

(Stacey and Ruth laughing)

- [Stacy] Ooh! (Stacey's hands clapping)

(Stacey and Hugo laughing)

- [Stacy] Yes! - [Hugo] Ay!

(Ruth and Stacey laughing)

- You need to drink.

- Oh! - [Hugo] Drink.

- Okay, let's play a different game.

Pick a card.

(Ruth laughing) (Stacey's hands clapping)

- Right, here we go. Read out the last sext you sent.

- Oh, God.

- You should pay attention, take some tips.

- Hey? I'm a good sexter.

(Ruth, Jack and Stacey laughing)

- Can I pick another card?

- No, do it. It's fine. - [Jack] Oh come on,

with the sexting.

- I don't mind. (Ruth laughing)

- Okay. Can't believe I'm doing this.

(Ruth laughing)

Alright, here goes.

"Can't wait to have my cock in your mouth,

want you to suck it like a Popsicle stick."

- What's a popsicle stick?

- [Stacy] I wonder what Ru replied.

- [Hugo] Oh, it doesn't matter.

You'll have to let your imagination run wild.

- Oh, it will.

Alright, alright. It's my turn.

- [Hugo] Go on.

(Stacey laughing)

(Stacey clearing throat)

- Take off your top or do a shot.

(Jack grunting)

It's quite the conundrum.

- Just take it off halfway.

- Fuck that, take it off.

(Jack laughing)

- No, I think I'm gonna do the shot.

- No! (Jack and Stacey laughing)

- Ah! - Shit, sorry!

(Jack and Stacey laughing)

Alright. Alright, you win.

- [Jack] I like this game.

- Oh, now he's invested. (Jack laughing)

- Right.

- Okay Rue, your go.

- Oh, okay. Alright.

(Ruth clearing throat)

Right.

(Hugo grunting) (Ruth clearing throat)

Kiss the person to your left, French style.

I'm not gonna do that.

(Ruth laughing)

- [Stacy] You have to, it's your card.

- But I, I can't do that!

- [Stacy] Do you think I care?

- Don't let me stop you.

(Ruth sighing)

- Up to you love, but my hygiene is,

(Jack clicking)

- [Stacy And Jack] Do it, do it, do it!

- Hey, what happened to, "Try new things at Christmas?"

(Ruth sighing) (kiss smacking)

- Oh, fine, fine, fine, okay.

- Come on.

- [Stacy] Woo!

- Oh my God. (all laughing)

(dramatic music)

- [Jack] Alright.

Okay, when I kiss, I kiss, alright?

So don't fall in love with me, alright?

(Ruth laughing)

- I'll try not to.

(kisses smacking)

- Oi!

(Ruth and Jack laughing)

(Ruth laughing)

(Ruth groaning) (Stacey laughing)

(Hugo gasping)

(Ruth and Stacey laughing)

(Christmas tree tinkling)

(body thudding)

(Hugo and Ruth groaning)

(Jack and Stacey groaning)

(hand smacking)

(Jack and Stacey laughing)

(Ruth grunting)

(Ruth gasping)

- Oh my God, Stace, I'm so sorry.

(Stacey laughing)

- This is the best damn dinner party I've ever had!

(Jack and Stacey laughing)

(Ruth gasping)

(door squeaking)

- Well, it was great meeting you both.

- Yeah, we had fun.

Maybe a bit too much fun.

(Ruth laughing)

- Well, if you fancy round two, you know where I live.

- Yeah, I might have to sit that one out.

- But we'll definitely see you both

at The Black Jag Christmas party?

- So, you're coming?

- You bet.

- You know it's gonna be quite a night.

- Anyways, see you later.

- Bye, bye. - Bye.

- Bye, bye.

(Stacey and Jack laughing)

- Well, that escalated quickly.

- Yeah, it was much more fun than I thought it would be.

- Hey, when did you send that text?

- Huh?

- You know that text? I don't remember you sending it.

- I did send it. It was a while ago,

you probably just don't remember.

(Ruth laughing)

- You were meant to show the most recent text on your phone.

- Ruth, it's a game.

It's not like someone's holding a gun to your head.

- Call an Uber, my place?

- You always go to your place.

- What's wrong with my place?

- There's nothing wrong it,

I'm just saying, we always go to your place.

- Look, do you know how long it took me

to save up for that place?

Two years before I opened The Jag,

I was completely bankrupt.

I don't think you realize how hard I've worked.

- Okay, fine, we'll go to your place. I'm sorry.

(Ruth sighing)

- Right, booked.

Thanks for your understanding.

(kisses smacking)

(Hugo and Ruth groaning)

- Shit.

- [Ruth] What?

- [Hugo] Shit.

(Ruth sighing)

- What?

- It's broken.

Shit!

- Can you, can you untie me please?

- You don't understand, this is more than just a collar!

- It's okay, you don't have to freak out.

Look, I didn't wanna tell you,

but I may have a surprise for you tomorrow,

you might get a new one.

A new color.

- Really? That's great. Can you give it to me now?

- No!

- Well, I may not see you tomorrow.

- Oh, I see. Why not?

- Because I've got the party to deal with.

- So you're telling me,

I'm not gonna see you at all tomorrow on Christmas?

- Well, you're coming to the party aren't you?

I'll see you in the evening!

Look, I'll even get you in for free.

Those tickets are worth a hundred quid, you know.

- Can you fucking untie me?

(restraints rattling)

Thank you.

I'm sorry, I just don't wanna spend my whole Christmas

at a sex party!

- Well, no one's forcing you to come.

If you don't want to, why don't you go home

and spend it with your parents!

Spend it with them!

(Ruth gasping)

(door slamming) (Hugo exhaling)

(pensive music)

- I don't know, Stace.

I um, I think I've lost him.

- Well you don't know that.

Have you tried calling him?

- He's not answering his phone.

(Ruth sniffing)

- Oh, look, maybe he just needs some space.

Try again later.

Don't jump to conclusions.

Look, it's Christmas Eve,

treat yourself to some wine and some chocolate.

- Is that what you're doing?

- Something like that.

Look, I'll see you tomorrow.

- Meow!

(Ruth sniffing)

(keys rattling)

(loud music reverberating)

- Can I help you?

- Hi, is Hugo here?

- Can't tell you that.

- What, why?

- Are you gonna buy a ticket to the club?

- No, I just need to speak to Hugo!

- Can't let you in, without a ticket.

- But I've been coming here for the past month.

I'm the one that's been going to Hugo's office.

- You're gonna have to be more specific.

- You know me!

I don't have time for you.

- Miss. Miss?

(memory card rattling)

(whip smacking) (Hugo gasping)

- Ruth, wait.

- Hey, hey, you can't just-

- [Ruth] I'm leaving.

- Ruth, wait. It's not what it looks like.

- Really? So what does it look like?

- Well, I mean it is,

but what I mean is, these girls mean nothing to me.

It's you that I really want.

- How can you even say that,

while some girls' drool on your dick?

- You don't understand.

- No, Hugo, you don't understand.

I'm sick and tired of men like you,

cheating on me and abusing me.

You fucking manipulative twat!

- [Hugo] Ruth, what are you doing?

- It's Christmas Eve, I might need to let some steam off.

(Ruth gasping)

You two, with me.

Put that on me.

(Ruth gasping)

Now tie me up.

Now hit me hard.

(whip smacking) (Ruth groaning)

- Ruth.

- I want more!

(Ruth groaning) (whip smacking)

(Ruth groaning)

(Hugo gasping)

(Ruth groaning)

(Hugo gasping)

(Ruth groaning) (whip smacking)

(Ruth gasping)

(restraints rattling)

- You filthy bitch, you've never been sexier.

I want you so bad.

- Really?

Well, I was just leaving.

- Well then, you're banned from the club!

Enjoy Christmas on your own, you crazy bitch!

- Oh my God, Stace. You should have seen me,

I was like a fucking sex goddess.

I don't even care about him anymore.

It feels so good,

to finally be in control of my own body, you know?

- [Stacy] I'm so proud of you.

And look, Jack and I are happy to spend Christmas at mine.

It's not gonna be as wild as The Jag, but fuck it.

I mean, if you wanna spend it with your family,

I totally get it, but what do you think?

- No, I don't wanna spend it with my family.

This is finally a new chapter for me.

- [Stacy] Hell yeah. I'll start making cocktails now!

(Ruth laughing)

- Okay, well, perfect. I'll see you tomorrow, okay.

And remember, Christmas is in an hour!

(relaxing music)

(label whirring)

(restraint clinking)

(Ruth sighing)

(Ruth and Stacey laughing)

(paper rustling)

- Oh my God, you did not! A vajazzle!

I've always wanted one of these!

- Anything for you, babe.

(both laughing)

- I can't wait to try it on.

Your turn.

- Oh, well this looks familiar.

(Ruth laughing)

- Well, I thought I should probably repurpose

all of those magazine editions, I've been hoarding forever.

I got it when you were with Eric,

so I don't even know if you still need it.

(Ruth vocalizing)

You don't like it?

(dramatic music)

(paper rustling)

- Well, remember two years ago,

we did that story about that guy,

who was taking photos of girls he'd brought home

and then selling them online?

- I didn't hear about that!

(Hugo gasping) (Ruth groaning)

- Have we met before?

- No. You're a little bit of a ghost on online, aren't you?

There's barely any proof you exist.

- Two years before I opened The Jag,

I was completely bankrupt.

I don't think you realize how hard I've worked.

- You don't understand, this is more than just a collar!

- I've been coming here for the past month.

I'm the one that's been going into Hugo's office.

- You're gonna have to be more specific.

- Oh, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - What? What is it?

(Ruth sighing)

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

- What is it?

- Fuck, Stace.

(Ruth gasping)

- Oh, shit!

- We're going to The Jag, now.

- Okay. Okay.

- Where are my shoes?

- Stacey?

Where did everyone go?

- [Stacy] Jack!

(sex club goers exclaiming) (loud music reverberating)

(whip smacking)

(kisses smacking)

- Slag!

(sex club goers exclaiming)

- Didn't I tell you-

- I behaved so badly, the other day.

I came here to say I'm sorry.

I've been a bad, bad girl and I need to be punished.

(sex club goers exclaiming)

I've never been very good with words,

so maybe I can show you with my mouth.

- I knew you'd come back to me, girls like you always do.

- And guys like you always get caught.

- What the fuck?

- Have fun spending Christmas in jail, Joshua.

- How do you-

- This guy has been filming all of us,

without us realizing.

- What are you talking about?

- No, he hasn't.

- Don't believe her, she's just some crazy whore,

trying to get back at me. Un-cuff me!

- It's true.

And the magazine we work for,

did a story on him two years ago, the pictures match.

- I didn't wanna believe it, either,

but he's been hiding this in his office.

- This is crazy, just untie me and I'll explain everything.

- What about the party?

- Yeah, I don't mind being filmed.

- Hey guys, we can all go back to my flat,

where we can have a great party,

without being filmed and without him!

- Fuck this place, let's go!

(sex club goers exclaiming)

- [Hugo] Guys, please!

You lot gonna believe this crazy freak?

(feet thudding)

Come back!

- Well done.

(upbeat music)

(kisses smacking)

(glasses chiming)

(door thudding)

- It's open!

(door thudding)

Come in, it's open!

(door thudding) (Ruth gasping)

Eric, what are you doing here?

- Ruth, please don't shut the door.

I know my behavior's been unacceptable.

This past month has made me realize,

what I've done wrong and how I treated you.

I love and I miss you.

Please, can we move forward from this, please?

- I'm sorry, Eric.

It's not gonna work out, you can't come in.

- But it's Christmas. Please.

- Okay, fine. Just this once.

- You're so fine and so hot.

- Uh, thanks.

- Exciting enough for you?

(upbeat music continues)

(hand smacking)

(Stacey groaning)

- Merry Christmas, Sweet cheeks.

(whip smacking) (Eric grunting)

- I fucking love Christmas.

(upbeat music continues)

(logo reverberating)