Original subtitles

Aah! Oh, I'm so sorry.

I am just so happy to be back.

Um, I did this.

Parted my hair on a different side.

But, oh, yeah, you asked how my summer was.

Um...

Well, I broke up with Tariq, as you know, which was...

You know, break-ups are hard for anyone.

~ ...then rock wit' it ~

~ Do it to it, do it to it, we gonna rock wit' it ~

I took it as an opportunity to grow...

Not physically, of course, because I can't reach

the top shelves in my apartment.

Tariq used to get the plates.

But, ultimately, I was just so excited to start the new year.

Breaking up with Tariq was so much the right choice that,

you know, I was basically able to fast-track that break-up.

No crying, no depression, "wah-wah."

And no more bringing my problems into school.

That was old right-sided-part Janine.

I'm a fully formed adult,

and this year is gonna be... different.

What the...?

What in the world?

Go, Eagles!

Ava!

~ That's how we do ~

Why is a man cooking ribs in my parking spot?

What is happening? -It's game day, baby!

It's Development Week.

Here's a development... You either gotta park on the street

or give me $50 for your spot.

I'm making extra money. For the school.

So put out or back out.

It's 8:30!

Who even eats barbecue this early?

Let me get the beef tips. I don't eat no pork.

Hey, Janine! -Hey.

Ay, this year's gonna be different.

Because the Eagles got A. J. Brown!

We back, baby!

Another year.

Ava, I see you.

I saw you see me make three trips.

You couldn't have helped me?

I could've. That was an option.

Oh, God. Jacob.

Oh, I missed you. Please never go to Peru again.

You not having service was the worst.

Oh, it's so nice to be called Jacob again.

After teaching abroad

and being called el diablo blanco every day,

I really started to feel like basura.

Oh. Did somebody say "trash"?

Welcome back, dorks!

And welcome back, Abbott Elementary staff!

Let's have a great Development Week.

I'll see you guys in the auditorium at 9:00.

We'll be there.

Most people think school starts when the kids get here,

but it actually starts now, at Development Week.

Teachers prep for the year.

We get ready, get our curriculum,

we research our students, make plans.

It's the calm before the storm.

It's very zen, actually.

Aah!

Barbara!

I missed you so much.

Oh, my gosh. I'm gonna give you a hug.

Let me put these boxes d... -Ah-ah-ah!

I had a fantastic summer.

After my cruise to Jamaica... All-inclusive...

I worked with Ava to properly appropriate the funds

that we got from the grant last year.

And I found out in early July

that I would be welcoming a student who uses a wheelchair,

so I was very excited to be able to use part of that grant money

to get a new ramp installed.

My next goal is to get that student the appropriate desk...

and follow up on the shoes I lost on the cruise.

I was very inebriated.

Oh!

Sea Barbara is different than Land Barbara.

Hurry up. Quiet down.

Be silent in the presence of greatness.

How was y'all's summer?

Oh, it was good. I... -Rhetorical.

Let's get into it.

Oops!

Gregory.

I said, "Oops."

Oh.

I'm a full-time teacher now. I'm excited about that.

I spent time going over the materials, so really got it down,

so I'm ready to take the year on.

These first-graders won't know what hit 'em.

I mean that in a positive way.

It's all in the knees.

So, while in Peru, I took level-one ASL courses.

I wouldn't say I was inspired by "CODA," per se,

but it did... It did have an impact on me.

Look, here's the thing...

Words cannot express my excitement

to teach the others the knowledge I have gained.

So let me sign it.

Me and Gary, the vending machine guy,

we spent the whole summer down at the Jersey Shore.

Nothing like the smell of cigarettes and vinegar.

I don't smoke or nothin'. Just, I like being around it.

It reminds me of my childhood.

This week, we'll have some entry-level planning meetings,

a mental-health maintenance session,

a session on wrap-around introduction,

an ASL course... -Taught by me.

And a mixer held by Ms. Teagues.

May we not pass out from boredom.

Because of teacher shortages, some classes will be combined.

Guys, the mixer's actually going to be great.

I've ordered Danny Wok's and Dunkin' Donuts,

so take your pick. -Ooh!

And also, I've added a new segment,

"Wisdom Swap," where more senior teachers

can give advice to the younger teachers.

Sweetheart, that'll never work.

Yeah, it's a waste of time. -Mm.

I disagree. I'm positive having something like this

when I started out would've really helped, and...

And I don't have to change your minds,

because it's mandatory.

So I will see you there.

Looks like somebody got it together this year.

Mm-hmm. -Mm-hmm.

This is exactly what I want for myself this year.

Like, what break-up? I'm a hundred percent.

And I'm happy they're noticing.

Even if they aren't noticing my part change. Yet.

Hey.

Y'all have something you want to share with the rest of the group?

As a matter of fact, Ava, I do.

Um, in addition to a "wisdom swap"

at today's mixer, I have another little surprise.

She pregnant. I knew it.

After making many phone calls

and pretending to slip on a beer can at the Flyers' arena,

I've managed to get the only celebrity that matters

to come surprise our kids on the first day of school.

America's favorite orange, furry sweetheart...

Flyers mascot Gritty!

Yes!

Yes! You should've said that as soon as you stood up.

No need for those other words you said.

Yes, Janine!

The kids are gonna love this.

Yes! I know, right?

I don't get Gritty.

What's not to get, Gregory?

He just doesn't make sense to me.

Like, my dad's landscaping business' mascot is a bush.

Because "bush"... "landscaping."

So, Gritty...

It's Gritty.

Hockey, Philadelphia, America.

Penalty boxes.

I think you should let it go, man.

I'm chillin'.

Good job, Janine.

Very good job, Janine. Hell yeah!

Yes!

Um...

Oh. Who is that? Is that Gritty?

Is his area code 215 or 267?

Um, no, no, no, no. It's no one. It's spam.

Melissa?

Yeah? -Some news for you.

You're gonna have a combined

second- and third-grade class this year.

What?

Charter school up the street

took all our third-graders with high test scores,

and there aren't enough kids for another full third-grade class.

How many extra kids?

10.

I mean, great.

I can get you an aide.

No, thanks!

My summer was great. Thanks for asking.

I got a hookah flavor named after me... Ava-lade.

Notes of malt liquor and marmalade.

This first-grade curriculum is nuts.

They expect us to get through all this in one school year?

Are they for real?

Sweetheart, it happens like this every year.

The school district decides what we are capable of

if we use every minute of the day.

It is completely theoretical.

Don't want my students to fall behind.

If this is what they expect of us,

then it can't be unrealistic.

Welcome to the Philly public school system,

where you never have what you need.

Who you on with?

The district has been giving me the runaround about that desk.

Oh! Pray for me.

And if I don't get that desk, pray for the district.

Oh, I think I got somebody!

Yello?

Hello?

Somewhere around 2003, my phone number got mistakenly

entered into several places in the school district's directory.

I never said anything

because I like to help out wherever I can.

So can you get us a replacement fire extinguisher or not?

One sec.

No.

Knock-knock.

Or as we say in ASL...

Uh...

But that's sound.

Yeah, well, we didn't really work on entrances.

Hey, for my presentation, it's looking like I could use a partner,

somebody to pretend to know nothing about ASL, unlike me.

Uh, what do you say? You want to do it?

Yeah.

Ooh, I should add an interactive portion to my mixer.

Something hands-on, something, um...

Oh! You know what you could do to jazz it up?

Remember that "36 Questions" from The New York Times?

I mean, it's all about falling in love, but...

But that's what I want the teachers to do anyway.

Oh, my God. That would make a great icebreaker!

I got you. Let me look it up.

Oh! Yes.

Is everything okay? RE: your rent?

Is that, uh, one of the questions?

Seems kind of specific.

No, no. This e-mail.

Um...

Yeah, no, everything is fine. Like, everything's completely okay.

It's just that Tariq and I used to split the rent 80/20,

and now that 20's in Bushwick.

But it's totally okay. Ignore that.

Um, yeah, just find the liberal love thingy.

Just don't worry about it.

Hey...

Oh.

What is this?

I mapped out the entire school year

so I can meet every one of the district's mandated goals.

I scheduled everything down to the hour.

Now, I didn't allot for this conversation,

so if we could wrap this up in the next... two minutes,

that'd be very helpful.

Well, I am very...

Gregory, what if something goes wrong

and you a get a millisecond off of

this very... impressive map?

I accounted for that.

Imagining the worst thing that could possibly happen

is one of my best qualities.

But what if one of the students understands the lesson

and another one doesn't?

What if a cold runs through the classroom

and several students are out for a few days?

What if there's a snow day?

Oh, and I see that you are getting Samir.

I had him last year.

Lovely student. Very intelligent.

Have you allotted for the nosebleeds that he gets when he's excited?

Will this work as a desk for your student, Mrs. Howard?

Mr. Johnson, that is a dining table from the cafeteria,

and you are a fool.

Oh!

No luck on the desk, I'm assuming. Yeah.

No luck on the desk.

And you would think that the school would be ready for this.

We've had students that use wheelchairs before.

Mrs. Howard, Gregory, I'm glad you're in one place.

I have an emergency.

What's up? -What's wrong?

Well, here is the thing...

You know I'm outta here.

I'm not playing with that boy this year.

Janine might be getting evicted,

but she kind of pretended like it wasn't a big deal.

Really? -Yeah.

And as someone who has been asked to leave a hostel in Lisbon,

I know it is a very big deal, okay?

I don't want her to experience anything like that.

Do you have like five minutes to just talk to her?

Hey.

You about to get evicted?

Uh, buy a lady dinner first, geez!

Look, I know you went through a lot at the end of last year,

so I'm just trying to be a good... friend.

We both are. -Good friends with big mouths.

Well, I had to tell Gregory

because you lied to my face about that e-mail.

I forgive you.

Also, I may have told Barbara and Ava and Melissa.

But, again, you lied, so...

Okay.

I did not lie. I have a plan.

My landlord and I have a repartee.

I don't pay the rent, he says, "You need to pay the rent."

I say, "The check is in the mail," he says, "You need to pay online."

It's what we do. -Look, I'm... I'm assuming

that paying is harder because you don't have Tariq...

Guys, you see how I'm hanging up this bulletin board with ease?

See how I got the Gritty to come for the first day of school,

despite his packed schedule?

I'm doing fine.

I'm breezing through this break-up

and handling it like any adult would.

Well, Janine, I must say, I am thoroughly impressed.

Mm-hmm. Oh!

Thank you so much.

And, guys, we are just getting started.

Um, yeah, I've got a killer icebreaker planned.

Most infamous parties in history?

Donner, Boston Tea, and, uh, this one.

You need any, um...

Oh, no, no, no.

I got it, because I am killing today.

Damn it.

Look, let me help you, alright?

Okay, so do me a favor... Pull this through.

Over there. Mm-hmm.

So this is going well. -Yeah, it is.

And you're good?

Yeah, so good. I'm, like, yeah, so...

Um, so... Alright.

How, um... How's, uh, the Taylor thing?

The thing with, uh, Taylor? How's that?

Oh, uh, yeah, yeah. It's good.

Good. -It's good, yeah.

I'm so happy to hear that. -It's good, yeah.

And, um, are you dating anyone new, or...?

Nope. -Great.

'Cause I'm just focusing on the school year, right?

I feel you. Yeah. -You know, just want to make sure

I am killing... it.

Guys! Now it is time to get this party started.

Hey there! Anybody drive a beat-up sedan?

Okay, what about a silver one with a bumper sticker that says,

"If you can read this, thank a teacher"?

Oh, that's mine. Why?

Because your car is about to get a boot put on it.

Janine. -What?!

Uh, um, excuse me.

Hi! What's happening? I'm not even in the red.

No, but you have seven outstanding unpaid parking violations.

Oh, those are my ex's, yeah.

I used to pay them for him, but in an act of maturity,

I haven't since we split, so those are his responsibility.

Oh, no, Janine.

The tickets are on your car... Your tickets.

That's how it works.

Um, hey, don't you have, like, a guy

in parking enforcement or something?

No, I got a guy in enforcement,

but that's like a last-resort kind of call.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Please don't do this.

I can't afford to pay those tickets, and I really need my car.

I'm a teacher at that school,

and normally we have spots, but... the Eagles...

Please don't do this.

Sorry, it's out of my hands.

It's literally in your hands.

You know what? I have a solution!

I'll just move my car. Yeah. -No!

No, I'm just gonna move it.

You can't boot a moving car! -No, Janine, sweetheart.

That would be crazy! -That's a bad solution.

No, no, Janine. Janine. No, no.

Stop! Barbara, back up! Barbara, back up!

Back up, back up, back up.

Stop, stop, stop! Stop!

What?

What?

What the hell, Gritty?

You're supposed to be here next Monday!

What are you doing here?

Okay. He says he's scheduled for today.

What? No.

I got my days wrong.

I told the Flyers the first day of school for us, not the kids.

Okay, and I'm just paraphrasing here,

but he says that because of his tight schedule,

he probably won't be able to come back next week.

Oh!

You okay?

Mm. He says, "Poor Janine."

Janine, what is going on?

Unpaid parking tickets, landlord troubles, this outfit?

Okay, that's normal.

But the rest of this, it just doesn't feel like you.

I didn't want my break-up to interfere with my life,

but I can't pay my bills.

And I'm sad.

I hate to admit that, but I'm sad.

When the water company called about my bill,

I was more upset about how I miss yelling at Tariq

for taking two-hour showers.

In this climate?

I thought coming into work a full adult

would be my solution, but I'm drowning.

Janine, you've had a break-up. Yeah.

They are hard.

But they're part of becoming whole,

and if you let it,

it's part of becoming the adult you want to be.

I've been through it.

Melissa's on her journey, and Ava, she's...

Don't put them glizzies too close to my rack, oldhead!

Okay, look, what Barbara is trying to say is,

you just got to go through it, not over it.

And you're at the beginning, not the end.

Aww.

I'mma have to Photoshop Janine out of this,

but this is a cute picture, though.

You all right?

Everything is chaos. And we all lose.

Okay.

That Janine-Gritty-boot fiasco

made me lose a whole mod of scheduling.

I don't know what I'm gonna do when the year starts.

Gregory...

Being a teacher is being asked to do the impossible

year after year.

And our only solution is to show up every day

and try our best.

But it shouldn't be that way. It's like we're set up to fail.

But what are we supposed to do?

Throw out all of our efforts?

Take my situation, for instance.

Looks like I won't be getting that desk for my student.

But I did get the ramp.

That's true.

Mm-hmm.

And, Gregory...

Hmm?

Take all of this down

before someone gets worried and calls the police.

Mm!

I've picked up things fast my whole life.

Fast walker, fast talker, fast reader.

Not a fast healer, though. Some things can't be rushed.

I have to be willing to admit that I miss Tariq.

And that I need to pay my bills.

So thank goodness Jacob was able to loan me some money.

I gave her the money I was gonna use for my student-loan payment.

President Joey B's gonna cancel the rest of that debt

like any day now.

Is everybody excited for the first day of school?

You have a good summer? Everyone have fun?

Gregory got his dad to let us borrow this costume.

I'm no Gritty, but these kids don't care.

And Gregory paid me.

You know what they say...

$20 in my hand is worth me in a bush.

Straight line, straight line, straight...

Oh, welcome!

Good morning. Thank you.

Hello.

My name is J-A-C-O-B.

Oh, nice to meet you, Imani.

We're looking for Ms. Schemmenti?

That's me. -Third-grade teacher?

Oh. Yeah.

Okay. How many we got?

Okay. Just line up.

Follow Ms. Schemmenti. Everybody follow Ms. Melissa.

Let's go.

Everybody...

There we go. Alright.

Barbara had mentioned that there were once students here

who needed ADA desks,

and I doubted that somebody had just thrown those away,

so I asked Mr. Johnson if there was storage here.

He said, "Yeah, I forgot because I'm a custodian

and not some lil' storage-ass ho."

Anyway, I went down to the school's basement

and I found that.

Mrs. Howard was right.

We may not be able to do it all...

but we'll do what we can.

Come on, guys. -Okay, guys.

Let's wait. -It's gonna be a great year.

It is, isn't it?

Oh, I like what you did with your hair.

The part? It's nice.

Go ahead, y'all.

Gritty!

Oh!

Ain't he cool?

Look at him picking that belly-button lint.

Celebrities! They're just like us.

Grittay! My man!

Your mom doing all right?

I get it now. I'm not not a fan.

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