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1
00:00:07,774 --> 00:00:09,741
Angela, we certainly recognize
2
00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:12,444
the conflicting emotions
you must feel
3
00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:14,979
as both educator
and administrator, but--
4
00:00:14,981 --> 00:00:15,980
do we get our raise or not?
5
00:00:15,982 --> 00:00:17,416
Better!
6
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:18,984
I'm putting a new coffee maker
in the teachers' lounge.
7
00:00:18,986 --> 00:00:20,452
That's not an offer.
8
00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:21,954
That's an insult!
9
00:00:21,956 --> 00:00:24,956
Now, as head of the lawndale
teacher's union, i--
10
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:27,025
with some of those
international flavors
11
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,294
you can just squirt
right out of a bottle.
12
00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:30,796
Mm.
13
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:32,964
Ooh, I like what I'm seeing.
14
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,966
Ms. Li
changing her support hose again?
15
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:38,003
That's another habit that will
lead to blindness, upchuck.
16
00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:39,471
But in this case,
you'll wish for it.
17
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,373
Your concern touches me,
ladies,
18
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,976
but we've got
a cat-and-dogfight here.
19
00:00:43,978 --> 00:00:45,543
Me--ouch!
20
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,080
And it's about to get
strike-o-licious.
21
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:50,549
Give us our 10%
22
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,717
or we'll walk!
23
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,218
Oh, you will, will you?
24
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:54,319
Well, I hope, for your sake,
25
00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:55,888
your negotiating skills
have improved
26
00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:57,489
since the last time
you tried to pull this stunt.
27
00:00:57,491 --> 00:00:59,391
Or have you forgotten
that the dental insurance
28
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,293
was contingent
on your teaching a sewing class?
29
00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:03,761
Did you hem those pants
yourself?
30
00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:04,763
That's it!
31
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:05,931
We strike!
32
00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:13,671
Students of lawndale high,
your attention, please.
33
00:01:13,673 --> 00:01:14,839
Is that the voice in my head
34
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:16,508
that tells me to kill
and kill again?
35
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:17,509
No.
36
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:18,643
Satan's voice is lower,
37
00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:20,345
and he has an English accent.
38
00:01:20,347 --> 00:01:23,681
In an unprecedented show
of spine--i mean, spite--
39
00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:25,416
your teachers
have announced a strike.
40
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:28,119
However, school will continue
just as before.
41
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:30,789
It just
won't involve teachers.
42
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,528
Class, you may have noticed
43
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,564
I'm not your usual teacher.
44
00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:41,500
If only we didn't have
our usual students.
45
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:45,303
For our first lesson,
let's learn each other's names.
46
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:46,672
I'm Mrs. Stoller.
47
00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:47,773
Got it!
48
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,341
Man, this class
is gonna be a breeze!
49
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:50,442
And you are?
50
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,443
I'm the q.B.!
51
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,378
Posture, cubie, posture.
52
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:55,313
We think he's doing very well,
53
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:57,649
considering how he missed out
on evolution.
54
00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,518
And what's your name, dear?
55
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:00,585
Daria.
56
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:02,987
That sounds like
a hippie name.
57
00:02:02,989 --> 00:02:05,356
I think I'll call you Darlene.
58
00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:08,493
So much prettier.
59
00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:10,162
We need a lot more money!
60
00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:11,763
This really isn't funny!
61
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:14,932
You don't pay us enough
to buy honey!
62
00:02:14,934 --> 00:02:16,100
I don't know.
63
00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:17,101
This chant--
64
00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:18,370
it sucks!
65
00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:19,404
Hey!
66
00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:20,873
I threw out the rhyme
about the bunny.
67
00:02:20,875 --> 00:02:22,241
Um, Anthony,
68
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:24,409
haven't most great labor
movements throughout history
69
00:02:24,411 --> 00:02:26,011
featured a stirring song?
70
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,012
Great idea!
71
00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:28,013
Make one up!
72
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,781
Oh.
Well, um...
73
00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:30,849
Let me see.
74
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:33,352
Well,
I came to sunny lawndale
75
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:36,021
with a smile and a degree
76
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:37,322
Hmm, no.
77
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:38,756
Uh...
Oh!
78
00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:41,460
I've been teaching
here in lawndale
79
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,695
on rather modest pay
80
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:46,565
No, that's not quite
forceful enough.
81
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:49,434
True literature
should inspire us
82
00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:53,638
to seek new experiences,
to explore new sensations--
83
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:54,806
Mr. Edwards?
84
00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:55,908
Call me Ken.
85
00:02:55,910 --> 00:02:58,543
Um, Ken,
this is almost interesting,
86
00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:01,479
but seeing as how you're only
the substitute teacher,
87
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,648
perhaps you can give us
our book assignments,
88
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:04,983
and we can be on our way.
89
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:06,418
Ah, but what to assign?
90
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:09,087
You see,
the only books worth reading
91
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:10,188
are those written
92
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,657
in the deep,
passionate waters of life.
93
00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:13,959
So like jaws?
94
00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:16,094
No, no,
like the novel I'm writing.
95
00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:18,997
It's about a slightly older,
sensitive man
96
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:22,600
and the love a budding
woman child feels for him
97
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:23,902
when she
gets to know him better.
98
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,070
What?
99
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:27,205
See, love can be so simple
100
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,740
when the hand of experience
101
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,510
nurtures the budding flower
to full blossom.
102
00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:34,179
You're writing about
gardening?
103
00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:35,947
And my
language arts substitute
104
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:38,850
wouldn't stop talking about this
stupid novel he's writing
105
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:41,386
about some professor who's
dating a budding child woman
106
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:42,620
because he wants to blossom her.
107
00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:43,888
Mm-hmm.
108
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,225
And then he started acting out
his stupid book for us,
109
00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:47,459
stroking Tiffany's hair
110
00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:49,228
and telling her
about his anguished soul.
111
00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:50,329
Mm-hmm.
112
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:53,065
What?
He was stroking Tiffany's hair?
113
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,066
I know!
114
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,534
Like Tiffany
would ever date someone
115
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,035
who wore a tweed jacket.
116
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,470
Daria!
Get me the--
117
00:03:58,472 --> 00:03:59,404
thank you.
118
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,707
Oh, Tiffany.
119
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:03,809
Tiffany.
120
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:06,744
I never got to hear you
call me "Ken."
121
00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:10,982
Attention!
122
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,551
Will miss Daria morgendorffer
123
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:14,653
please report
to the principal's office.
124
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,254
Now!
125
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,289
Darlene?
126
00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:18,490
Where are you going?
127
00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:19,925
To get Daria.
128
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:22,193
If someone asked me
129
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:23,829
to teach a class,
I'd be honored.
130
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,330
Besides,
we wouldn't be in this fix
131
00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:26,531
if it weren't for your mother.
132
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:27,532
Yeah.
133
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:28,733
Hire one pedophile,
134
00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:30,636
and she gets
all bent out of shape.
135
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:33,005
Besides, I'm not thinking of me.
136
00:04:33,007 --> 00:04:35,440
I'm thinking of the children.
137
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:36,842
Not so fast.
138
00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:39,111
You'll get out of gym class.
139
00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:40,779
You?
A scab?
140
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:41,846
Oh, great.
141
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:43,282
Touched by an angel.
142
00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:45,217
You'd be
betraying your teachers.
143
00:04:45,219 --> 00:04:46,518
Hey, yeah!
144
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,487
You'd be
betraying your teachers.
145
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:51,022
You'd just be
falling into the same trap
146
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:52,691
that managements always use
147
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:55,193
to keep wages low
and workers weak.
148
00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:57,362
Oh, go dance
on the head of a pin.
149
00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:59,998
You could make Quinn's life
really miserable.
150
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,900
Huh.
That's a good point.
151
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:03,167
Hey, you hungry?
152
00:05:03,169 --> 00:05:06,304
Yeah,
we can pick this up later.
153
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:12,144
Ms. Morgendorffer,
I'm waiting.
154
00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:14,146
This is a waste of time,
155
00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,414
especially with today being
the first day
156
00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:18,716
of cashman's
cruisewear craziness.
157
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:20,018
Attention, young people!
158
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,921
Mr. Edwards will no longer
be joining us, due to...
159
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,122
Reasons.
160
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:27,292
I hope it's not his anguish
acting up.
161
00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:30,061
But I am proud to introduce
a substitute
162
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,263
with tolerable credentials,
163
00:05:31,265 --> 00:05:33,265
who is far less liable
to engender a lawsuit
164
00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:35,500
that could cost me
my very pants.
165
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:36,868
Hello.
166
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,704
My name is miss Darlene,
and I'll be your new teacher.
167
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,447
Look on the bright side.
168
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:50,615
It's not every student
169
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:53,185
who has access to their teacher
24 hours a day.
170
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:55,353
But I don't want access.
171
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,789
Home is my sanitarium
away from school.
172
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,023
Does this mean we can just
173
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,692
do our parent-teacher
conferences here?
174
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,628
Hello, free time
for model railroading!
175
00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:06,898
Morning, mom, dad... Class.
176
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,132
Mo-om!
177
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:09,301
Ugh!
178
00:06:09,303 --> 00:06:10,535
What's wrong with her?
179
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:13,004
It's her grades,
or rather, it will be.
180
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:14,672
Daria--
whoo! Whoo!
181
00:06:14,674 --> 00:06:16,908
All aboard the big Jake express!
182
00:06:18,578 --> 00:06:19,811
"Now, class,
183
00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:22,914
let's check the evenness
of your box stitch."
184
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:23,915
No.
185
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,082
No.
Never again!
186
00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:27,652
On top of our paychecks
187
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,187
right under the date
188
00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:31,823
there sits a small number
189
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,491
we've all grown to hate
190
00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:34,492
I don't know.
191
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:36,394
Hate is such an ugly word.
192
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:37,862
Cool tune, man.
193
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:39,164
Classic feel.
194
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:40,665
Wait.
I know you!
195
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,834
You're on spiral's
mailing list?
196
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:45,003
No,
you were one of my students.
197
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,505
Trent Lane.
198
00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:47,506
Um--
199
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:48,840
Trent, do you remember
200
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,341
how you and your friends
used to write
201
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:52,343
"down with the man" on my car
with soap?
202
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:53,945
Just let it go, man.
203
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,280
I mean, bygones, right?
204
00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:56,547
Well, Trent,
205
00:06:56,549 --> 00:06:58,850
today "the man"
is coming down on us,
206
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:01,286
the underpaid teachers
of lawndale high,
207
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:04,456
and we could really use the help
of a talented songwriter.
208
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:05,623
I don't know.
209
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,725
This is a chance
to focus your energy
210
00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:09,794
on a cause
worthy of your talent,
211
00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:11,963
your knowledge, your virtuosity!
212
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:14,399
I don't have to read music,
do I?
213
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:15,867
No.
214
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,002
Well, what do you know?
215
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,970
Trent's actually on time
to pick us up,
216
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:21,572
and all I had to do was
set his clock ahead four hours.
217
00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:24,476
I don't think he's adjusted
to the time change.
218
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:27,179
He appears to be writing a song
with Mr. O'Neill.
219
00:07:27,181 --> 00:07:28,647
He's too good-natured.
220
00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:30,682
If a teacher tried to
take advantage of me like that,
221
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,150
I'd tell them
right where to stick it.
222
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,652
Jane, thank god.
223
00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:35,387
We need your taste and talent.
224
00:07:35,389 --> 00:07:36,721
Go on, Jane,
225
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:38,756
offer that piece
of friendly advice
226
00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:39,758
you just mentioned.
227
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,492
Ms. Barch's signs?
228
00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:44,162
Well, they aren't really
getting our message across.
229
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:47,498
Could you help us design
some strong graphic statements?
230
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,534
I'll write a note
to get you out of class.
231
00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:51,836
Oh, wait, I guess I can't.
232
00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:53,771
No, but the scab can.
233
00:07:53,773 --> 00:07:55,707
Gee, thanks, Mr. Hoffa.
234
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:58,943
Your salary offends me
235
00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:01,112
your health plan...
236
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,114
"Doesn't mend me?"
237
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:06,384
You know, if you're not
going to take this seriously,
238
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:09,855
we can just stop right now.
239
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:12,958
And so the people
asked George Washington,
240
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,626
"will you be our new king?"
241
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:16,293
And Washington said--
242
00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:18,063
young lady, you're tardy.
243
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:20,565
Gee, he wasn't very focused.
244
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:22,367
I have a note from a teacher.
245
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:24,969
"Please excuse Jane
from class.
246
00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:26,637
Miss Darlene."
247
00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:28,440
Well, on your way, then.
248
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:32,077
Okay.
249
00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:34,245
We know Mr. O'Neill
assigned a play,
250
00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:36,147
and you're pretty sure the title
251
00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:38,249
didn't contain the word "alien."
252
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,318
Do you remember anything else?
253
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,420
Uh, I think the guy
on the cover was wearing tights.
254
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:43,721
Hmm.
255
00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:46,490
Since there are no wrestling
dramas on the syllabus,
256
00:08:46,492 --> 00:08:47,759
I'm guessing Shakespeare.
257
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:49,160
Wait, I remember now.
258
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:50,328
He's a stalker.
259
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:51,829
He follows girls home
from parties
260
00:08:51,831 --> 00:08:52,898
and peeks in their windows.
261
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:55,000
Romeo and Juliet.
262
00:08:56,602 --> 00:09:00,004
A classroom full of
blank faces is a little spooky,
263
00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:02,706
until you plant your feet
and stare them down.
264
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:05,443
You know, apes interpret that
as a gesture of dominance.
265
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:07,111
That's what I just said.
266
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:09,347
Hello, Ms. Morgendorffer!
267
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:11,416
How lovely you look today.
268
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:12,883
Hey, Daria,
could you write me a note
269
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,685
that says I didn't put that dent
in my dad's car?
270
00:09:14,687 --> 00:09:16,454
And can we have one
to get out of class
271
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:18,289
so we can make out...
272
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,224
Scholarship applications?
273
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,397
Nice.
Nice.
274
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,633
Remember, nothing says,
"death to the bosses!"
275
00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:29,734
Like primaries.
276
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:30,901
Pastels are for appeaseniks.
277
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,304
have you ever been
278
00:09:32,306 --> 00:09:34,072
to the children's zoo?
279
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,640
When the birdies
say "cheep"
280
00:09:35,642 --> 00:09:38,476
they're talking 'bout you
281
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:39,811
Nah.
282
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:40,912
Good news, everyone!
283
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,213
I just came
from Ms. Li's office,
284
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:43,381
and she's made a final offer.
285
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:47,084
A .08% pay hike
and free non-dairy creamer!
286
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:49,821
And Anthony, she says you can
put away your sewing kit.
287
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:51,222
So what does everyone say?
288
00:09:53,826 --> 00:09:55,660
Anthony,
is something the matter?
289
00:09:55,662 --> 00:09:56,994
My dear Mrs. Bennett,
290
00:09:56,996 --> 00:09:58,329
as an informed consumer,
291
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,265
you should know
that non-dairy creamer
292
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,601
offers no sustenance whatsoever
293
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,669
and neither does that offer!
294
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:07,605
This is the contract we wrote,
295
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,341
and this is the contract
she's going to sign!
296
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:11,408
Cover me, boys.
297
00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:13,445
I'm going in!
298
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:15,212
What are you looking for,
Jane?
299
00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:16,414
Bombers.
300
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,550
He'll never make it
without air support.
301
00:10:18,552 --> 00:10:21,218
"For never was a story
of more woe
302
00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:23,454
"than this of Juliet and her...
303
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,556
Romeo."
304
00:10:24,558 --> 00:10:27,358
Thank you, Joey, Jeffy,
or Jamie.
305
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,794
Laurence Olivier,
in his present state,
306
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,162
couldn't have done better.
307
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:33,264
Cool.
What does "woe" mean?
308
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:35,133
It like the feeling you'd get
309
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:38,702
if the super bowl were preempted
by antiques roadshow.
310
00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:39,704
Whoa!
311
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:40,705
See?
312
00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:42,307
Quinn, are you taking notes?
313
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,641
Um, no.
314
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,376
I'm just, uh, writing
so that girl
315
00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:47,312
thinks I'm paying attention
when I'm not really.
316
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,547
Who cares
what a teacher thinks?
317
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:50,915
They're such losers.
318
00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:52,784
Yeah.
Eww.
319
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:54,986
She's not a real teacher,
sandi.
320
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,154
She's a substitute.
321
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:59,223
Oh.
A substitute loser.
322
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:00,224
Okay.
323
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:01,325
You've read the play.
324
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:02,994
Tomorrow you take the test.
325
00:11:04,598 --> 00:11:05,630
Sorry.
326
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:07,131
Orders from above.
327
00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:09,000
I'd suggest
you cheat off your neighbors,
328
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:13,837
but considering who most of you
are sitting next to--
329
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:17,841
Quinn, I hope that substitute
you've been making excuses for
330
00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:20,411
won't be holding us to the same
rigid grading standards
331
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:21,746
as everyone else.
332
00:11:21,748 --> 00:11:24,249
Perhaps you should remind her
how popular we are.
333
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:25,617
But she's weird.
334
00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:27,919
I don't think she even cares
about popular people.
335
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:31,022
See, there you go,
sticking up for her again.
336
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:34,191
It's almost as if you two
share some deep, dark secret
337
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,760
that might inadvertently
come out
338
00:11:35,762 --> 00:11:42,133
if tomorrow's test
proves too difficult.
339
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,634
Hey,
how about asking them this:
340
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,370
If verona
had had metal detectors,
341
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,272
would mercutio be alive today?
342
00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:50,275
If he were,
he'd be about 400 years old.
343
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:51,542
That's why
they'll all get it wrong.
344
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,044
Trick question, yeah!
345
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:57,381
Gee, I wonder why no one's
ever asked you to teach a class.
346
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:58,983
Daria,
you know the test tomorrow?
347
00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:00,084
It's going to be easy, right?
348
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:01,485
Because if you make it
really hard,
349
00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:02,820
some popular people
won't like it
350
00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:03,988
and might take it out
351
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,890
on another completely innocent
popular person.
352
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,092
And besides,
it's good to help the popular,
353
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:08,293
because if you don't,
354
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:09,827
it might make you
even more unpopular.
355
00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:11,762
Although I don't know
if such a thing is possible.
356
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:13,597
Ooh,
wouldn't want to risk that.
357
00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:14,765
So you'll do it?
358
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:17,268
Right after
I change into my fur bikini.
359
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,669
Daria!
360
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:21,272
You know, I didn't ask
for this stupid teaching job.
361
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:24,408
I don't need the work,
and I don't need the stigma.
362
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:26,443
I've tried
to make the class interesting
363
00:12:26,445 --> 00:12:28,880
and focus on the play,
not the grades.
364
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:30,514
And if, after all that,
365
00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:33,017
the only thing your vapid
friends can think about
366
00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:34,886
is how to finesse
taking the test,
367
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,787
then they deserve to fail it.
368
00:12:36,789 --> 00:12:38,723
Daria, do you want everyone
to hate you?
369
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:42,627
Hey, why should you go out of
your way to protect the stupid?
370
00:12:42,629 --> 00:12:44,028
You're not one of them.
371
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:46,097
I--i...
372
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:49,200
You don't understand anything!
373
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,068
Hmm, maybe you
should make it easy.
374
00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:52,203
Give the poor kids a break.
375
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:54,138
I lied about the fur bikini.
376
00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:55,507
Damn.
377
00:12:55,509 --> 00:12:59,210
Stupid smoke pellets
get stuck so damn easy.
378
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:01,312
Doesn't even look like
real smoke.
379
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:03,113
Hey, Quinn!
You got a hat pin?
380
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,381
A what?
381
00:13:04,383 --> 00:13:06,217
I don't have time
for your crazy jokes, dad.
382
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:08,086
I have to study
for this stupid test
383
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:10,221
Daria is making us take
on Romeo and Juliet.
384
00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:11,923
Hey!
I remember that play.
385
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,157
Sit down.
386
00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:14,759
Let old jakey
help you with your studies.
387
00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:18,495
Now, if I recall,
Romeo meets Juliet
388
00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:20,498
by this big, bubbly cauldron...
389
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,166
No, dad, she's at this party
390
00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:23,935
he crashes
with his friend mercutio.
391
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:25,603
Right!
The little wooden boy.
392
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:28,339
No, dad, he's Romeo's pal,
393
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:29,874
but he gets stabbed to death
by tybalt.
394
00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:31,609
Tybalt?
Tybalt?
395
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:32,977
So Romeo kills tybalt.
396
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,279
And then Juliet's dad
says she has to marry Paris,
397
00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:36,447
so she pretends she's dead...
398
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:38,015
Tybalt sounds
like the name of a rock.
399
00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:39,450
And when Paris sees her--
400
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:40,684
wait.
401
00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:42,287
I know this stuff!
402
00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:44,121
Um, got to go.
Thanks.
403
00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:45,156
Any time.
404
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,357
Paris?
405
00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:47,958
Wait, that's
not Romeo and Juliet.
406
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,295
That's the pink panther!
407
00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:51,962
Damn smoke pellet!
408
00:13:51,964 --> 00:13:55,533
Where did I put that hat pin?
409
00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:10,414
Don't think
you can intimiate--
410
00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:11,649
intermolate--
411
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:13,251
don't think you can scare me
412
00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:14,652
with your threat
to picket naked.
413
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:16,120
You think I'm bluffing?
414
00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:19,590
This is goodwill polyester
I've been sweating in all night.
415
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:21,759
I want to picket naked!
416
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:23,227
All right.
417
00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:24,929
A 2% raise and a space heater
for the teacher's lounge.
418
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:25,930
Boy!
419
00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:28,365
It's getting hot in here!
420
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:30,268
Now, class, sit up straight,
421
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:32,537
and no talking
while you take your test.
422
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,672
"Name the colors
on the American flag."
423
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,006
Hey, no fair!
424
00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:37,375
You didn't say
we had to know that.
425
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:38,776
Cubie, you hush.
426
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:40,711
And posture, cubie, posture.
427
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:44,248
Yes, Jamie, Joey, or Jeffy?
428
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,917
Um, my test
only has one question on it.
429
00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:48,185
That's right.
430
00:14:48,187 --> 00:14:50,688
"What is
Romeo and Juliet about?"
431
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:53,190
Just write what you think
and back it up.
432
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:55,192
200 words, minimum.
433
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:56,561
An essay test?
434
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,029
200 words?
435
00:14:58,031 --> 00:14:58,996
Think?
436
00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:04,635
You call this
compensation?
437
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:07,471
You keep your long vacation
438
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:10,708
you're forcing us
to salary arbitration
439
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,576
mama said strike you out
440
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:13,577
yeah!
441
00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:17,481
My work here is done.
442
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:19,983
What do you think of the song,
Anthony?
443
00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:21,151
Anthony?
444
00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:22,152
Oh, my gosh!
445
00:15:22,154 --> 00:15:25,989
He's still up there with Ms. Li!
446
00:15:25,991 --> 00:15:27,358
Anthony?
Angela?
447
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,526
Any progress?
448
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,961
Oh, no,
they've killed each other!
449
00:15:30,963 --> 00:15:33,631
Dear god,
when will the madness stop?
450
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:35,499
Oh, puffy,
you don't need a weapon
451
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,334
to make me do your bidding.
452
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:38,902
Huh?
What?
453
00:15:38,904 --> 00:15:40,204
Oh, they're not dead.
454
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:41,239
What a relief.
455
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:42,573
Get up!
456
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:43,708
Thank god.
457
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,175
I thought I signed the contract,
458
00:15:45,177 --> 00:15:46,677
but it was just a bad dream.
459
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:47,945
I knew it!
460
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,616
But it seemed so real.
461
00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:52,617
And you were there,
462
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,451
and you, and you!
463
00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:55,586
What's that in your hand?
464
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:56,587
Give me that!
465
00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:57,788
The contract!
466
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:01,859
Anthony, you did it!
467
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:03,627
Here are your tests.
468
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,364
I don't think I've ever
written so many "a"s.
469
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:09,934
You're the smartest and biggest
first graders I've ever had.
470
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:10,968
Thanks!
471
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,136
What a surprise.
472
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,637
An "a" and a silver star.
473
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:14,972
Don't get
too full of yourself.
474
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,140
I got a gold star.
475
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,477
I got a gold star too
and a "c."
476
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:20,645
Oh...
477
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:23,915
Red, white, and blue!
478
00:16:23,917 --> 00:16:25,416
Hey, no fair!
479
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,184
How come Brittany got a star
and I didn't?
480
00:16:27,186 --> 00:16:30,088
Boys with bad posture
don't get stars.
481
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:33,424
And, cubie, it's not nice
to try to fool the teacher
482
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:35,093
by signing your test "Kevin."
483
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:40,597
A "b!"
484
00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:42,733
You mean you think mercutio
had a thing for Romeo too?
485
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,069
No,
but you argued your point well,
486
00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:46,403
and I thought your ideas
487
00:16:46,405 --> 00:16:49,006
for keeping him out of
the locker room were original,
488
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,575
if a little closed-minded.
489
00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:52,209
A "d" minus?
490
00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:54,512
I should have known
Quinn would fail us.
491
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,347
I should have failed you too.
492
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,549
See, in Shakespeare's version,
493
00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:01,452
Romeo never goes by the name
Leonardo
494
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,454
or takes a swim in his clothes,
495
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,156
but I gave you extra credit
496
00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:07,291
for realizing
that the movie and the play
497
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:08,792
were somehow connected.
498
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,794
I guess we shouldn't have
copied each other.
499
00:17:10,796 --> 00:17:11,862
Hey!
500
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:12,863
Gee, Quinn.
501
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,299
What a surprise
you got a "b" plus.
502
00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:17,634
I guess having
a certain relationship
503
00:17:17,636 --> 00:17:20,138
with a certain teacher
really paid off.
504
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:23,007
Um, sandi, I thought she was
fairly easy on the grading,
505
00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:24,609
as long as you tried to think
for yourself.
506
00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:25,810
Oh, really?
507
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,578
I guess everything's relative.
508
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,780
Sandi, ever since
they asked this girl
509
00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:31,449
to take over the class
from that creepy guy
510
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:32,750
who wanted to fertilize Tiffany,
511
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:34,485
it seems to me
all she tried to do
512
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,687
was make the best
of a bad situation.
513
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,121
Maybe we should
cut her some slack.
514
00:17:38,123 --> 00:17:39,190
See?
515
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:40,824
There she goes,
taking sides again.
516
00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:43,060
You two
are so nice to each other,
517
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,495
you're almost like sisters.
518
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,830
I'm not taking anyone's side,
sandi.
519
00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:48,199
I'm just saying that sometimes
520
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,334
people get put
in awkward positions.
521
00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:53,171
Like a girl who has to wear
huge braces in fifth grade,
522
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,739
and years later her brothers
find pictures of her with them
523
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,275
and give those pictures
to a friend,
524
00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:58,942
who hasn't shown them to anyone
525
00:17:58,944 --> 00:18:01,044
out of the goodness
of her heart...
526
00:18:01,046 --> 00:18:02,045
Yet.
527
00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:03,214
Oh.
528
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,415
Besides,
529
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,450
why shouldn't I
act sisterly towards her?
530
00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:07,884
After all...
531
00:18:07,886 --> 00:18:09,153
She's my sister.
532
00:18:10,156 --> 00:18:11,155
Did you hear that?
533
00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:12,322
Oh, my gosh!
534
00:18:12,324 --> 00:18:13,457
Quinn just admitted
535
00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:14,992
that weird girl is her sister.
536
00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:17,461
Well, um,
of course she is, sandi.
537
00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:18,562
We knew that.
538
00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:22,967
We were just
being polite about it.
539
00:18:22,969 --> 00:18:25,570
People of Mars!
540
00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:28,806
I mean,
students of lawndale high.
541
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,007
This is your leader--
542
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:31,008
um, principal.
543
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:32,075
What was I saying?
544
00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:33,076
Oh!
545
00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:34,444
The teachers--
the teachers--
546
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:35,947
the strike's over!
547
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:38,149
Your teachers
will be back tomorrow!
548
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:39,984
Good ni--day.
549
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,285
Um... miss Darlene?
550
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,653
I think you were, um...
551
00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:43,955
You were a pretty good teacher.
552
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:46,324
Thanks, Jamie, Jeffy, or Joey.
553
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:49,994
For the record, some of you
aren't half-bad students.
554
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,763
You know who you are.
555
00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:55,165
It's quite a web sight
556
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:57,668
when civil war buffs
get in the buff.
557
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,770
www.gettysbare,
558
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:03,774
next on sick, sad world.
559
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:05,276
I already told you,
560
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:08,379
I'm not signing your
national rayon day petition.
561
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:10,114
Um...
You know that grade you gave me?
562
00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:11,215
Sandi says I only got it
563
00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:12,617
because you're
always at my house.
564
00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:13,851
Is that true?
565
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:16,219
Let me pose you a question,
grasshopper.
566
00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:18,889
If I gave you a grade
that you didn't earn,
567
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,624
that would be acting nice.
568
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:23,895
Could I face myself
if I were ever nice to you?
569
00:19:23,897 --> 00:19:26,297
Really?
I thought so.
570
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:27,631
And by the way, don't think
571
00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:29,200
I could ever be nice to
you either.
572
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:30,568
I'm fully aware of that.
573
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:32,803
God only knows what this
little foray of yours
574
00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:35,373
into teacher geekland cost me
in social status.
575
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:36,674
I feel your pain.
576
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,342
Well, good night, then.
577
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:39,910
Good night...
578
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:41,078
Sis.
579
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:46,817
Yes!
580
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:47,818
I endured.
581
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:49,320
My wits didn't fail.
582
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:50,888
My strength didn't fail.
583
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:52,322
I didn't fail!
584
00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:54,392
I got that contract.
585
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:58,496
And if I can do that,
I can do anything...
586
00:19:58,498 --> 00:19:59,730
Even teach Kevin.
587
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,332
So tell me, Sonny boy,
588
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:04,768
which war freed us from
the iron hand of British rule?
589
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:05,769
Iron...
590
00:20:05,771 --> 00:20:06,837
Iron...
591
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:10,007
The golf war?
592
00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:13,010
Mr. Demartino?
593
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,312
Do you want to share?
594
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:15,680
The joy of teaching
595
00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:17,348
didn't last very long
with this one.
596
00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:19,683
You got to grab it
while you can.
597
00:20:19,685 --> 00:20:23,954
La-la, la, la-la
598
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:26,891
Captioning by captionmax
www.Captionmax.Com
599
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:36,234
la, la, la
600
00:20:39,204 --> 00:20:40,638
la, la, la
601
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:45,543
la, la, la
40977
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