All language subtitles for Daria - S03E12 - Just Add Water

- How can you eat
that meat loaf?

Don't those little colored
pieces scare you?

- We only go around once,
I hope.

- I realize I'm probably
wasting my time,

but do you guys want to buy
tickets to casino night?

It's gonna be on the
Princess fairy luxury liner.

- So the only means of escape
is drowning.

- Look, we'd like
to help you out,

but we have
a very busy schedule.

There's a sick, sad world
marathon all Friday night,

so we'll be way too tired
on Saturday.

- You guys are hopeless.

- Damn it, she saw
right through our facade

of hopefulness.

- She's the 12th person today.

- Casino night on a cruise ship
is gonna be so glamorous.

- You're so lucky to be
going with Rex, Quinn.

- Yeah, this week, he's, like,
the most popular guy in school.

- Oh, I don't think so.

Well, probably.

- Ahem.

Actually, I believe Brent,
my date,

may be a little more popular
than Rex,

not that it matters.

- Oh, no, sandi,
I'm sure you're right.

Um, did you say you were
definitely going with Brent?

- Gee, Quinn, I hope this
inability of yours

to retain simple information
is just temporary

and not symptomatic
of a more serious

underlying problem.

- It's just that I
wait-listed Brent, you know,

in case something happened
to Rex,

like, he got a pimple.

But if it does,
I'll go to the next person

on my wait list,
no problem.

- I see.

I guess Brent asked you

while he was waiting
to hear back from me,

you know, using you
as his safety date.

- I know how you can
figure it out.

Quinn, which day did Brent ask--

- Stacy, who cares
about such trivial matters?

Can't we find something less
shallow to talk about

than when someone
asked someone out?

- I'm sorry, sandi.

- Sandi's so pretty.

- And so, I regret to inform you

I will be unable
to attend casino night.

I have plans.

- Cancel them.

Every student and faculty member
must attend,

or I won't be able to afford
the secure fence shock hundred.

Fine, I'll buy a ticket just
so I don't have to go.

- Negative.

We need all the adult volunteers
we can get.

- Miss li, I implore you!

- Please, Mr. Demartino.

I haven't heard anyone
try so hard

to squirm out of a school event
since Helen morgendorffer

made up that ridiculous excuse

about being allergic
to crepe paper.

Is this thing on?

Attention, students.

- Uh-oh,
it's those voices again.

- Due to cash flow problems,

casino night attendance
is now mandatory.

Show your school spirit
and dip into your college fund.

Thank you.

- Now I'll never be able
to buy that college.

- It's so unfair, shazu.

Sandi is always accusing me
of being shallow,

but I think a lot
about important stuff.

Like, what about
all those poor people

in those other world countries
who can't afford

professional
grooming assistance?

- Quinn, don't look now,

but Marco's just
sat down next to us.

- Marco,
the talcum powder model?

- Just pretend
like we don't notice.

So, Quinn, what were you
just saying

about the less fortunate?

- Oh, yes.

So anyway, even in this country,

there are people who can't
afford nice haircuts,

and it must be awful for them.

I mean, how can they go outside?

- I'm sorry;
I couldn't help overhearing.

- Oh, well, that's okay.

- You know, I used to go out
with my hair uncombed and stuff,

but then I realized
that by looking good,

I'm bringing a little beauty
into the lives

of people surrounded
by their own ugliness.

- I know exactly how you feel.

- You're really thoughtful.

Are you around
Saturday night?

Maybe we could hook up.

- Hmm, let me check
my schedule.

Casino night
on the Princess fairy?

- Yeah, it's this silly
little high school event.

I wrote it down to remind myself
not to go.

- Oh, too bad.

I look really great on a boat.

- You do?

- You see, Helen, anyone can
make a floating key chain

or a glow-in-the-dark key chain,

but this is the first time
someone's made

a floating
glow-in-the-dark key chain.

- Damn, this pan is hot.

- So I said to them, "look,
you've got a great product here,

"but its name should reflect
both its floatability

and its incandescence."

Helen, you should have seen
them light up

when I said incandescence.

Hey, that's probably
some kind of a pun.

- Yes, dear.
Ouch!

- "How does this sound?"
I said.

"The radioactive duck."

Man, they loved it, loved it!
I think.

- Uh-huh.

What the hell did the girls do
with the other mitt?

- Helen, you're not listening
to me.

- Of course
I'm listening to you.

You're considering
getting a new key chain,

and I think
it's an excellent idea.

- You know, you could be
a little supportive

of my career.

- I am supportive.

It's just, right now,
I've got more important--

I'm sorry;
Tell me about the keys.

- "Tell me
about the keys, Jake.

Oh, Jake, i'm so interested
in the keys."

Well, you can just
forget it, missy.

Jake morgendorffer
doesn't repeat himself.

Doesn't repeat himself!

- So anyway, the whole school

is all excited
about my date with Marco.

- I'm sure casino night's going
to be wonderful.

Dad and I would volunteer,

but I have to go over
some briefs.

We'll be happy to drive you
to school, though,

right, Jake?

- Sure, drive you to school.

The invisible man here will be
happy to drive you to school.

- Will you be wearing
those neat bandages?

- No, thanks.

Marco will probably pick me up
in a limo

or one of those
cute little sports cars.

- To go with his cute
little brain.

- Besides, casino night's
not at the school.

It's on the Princess fairy.

The Princess fairy?
The cruise ship?

- Yeah.

- They're looking
for a new ad campaign.

What better way to suck up
to the owners

than volunteering
at a fund-raiser?

They'll never know
they're being pitched.

Jake, you crafty devil.

- Why, Jake,
what a wonderful idea.

- Oh, like you mean it.
- No, really.

Casino night is the perfect time
to approach them.

- So you'll volunteer with me?
- What?

- You'll volunteer with me.

You'll do
the supportive wife thing.

- Um, sure.

- Really?
- I said yes.

- No.
- Great!

- Her amputee boyfriend
was cheating.

So she stole his prosthesis.

But he kept right on
hopping into strange beds.

The one-legged lothario
next on sick, sad world.

- Serves him right for keeping
his leg in a display case.

- Yeah, he should have used
the freezer like everybody else.

- I didn't mean to hurt him.

- The knife
just slipped 67 times.

- What can you say?

Some people are just klutzy.

- Meet the cannibal
with a heart--quick,

before he eats it--
next on sick, sad world.

- Right.

- Daria, get moving,
or we'll miss the cruise.

- Just carry me to the car.

- I can't believe Marco
isn't here yet.

- It appears the unthinkable
has happened.

- Tube tops are coming back?
- No.

You've been stood up.

- Shut up, daria!
I have not!

- Okay, my mistake.

- That's it!
I'm not going to the dance.

I'm telling everyone I got sick
and canceled the date.

Daria, you'll back me up, right?

Right?

- Fine, desert me
in my hour of need.

I can't--

- Quinn, are you sure Marco
knew to come here?

Maybe he thought
he was meeting you at the ship?

- Wait, let me off.

It's an emergency.

- Sorry, too late.

- Ooh!

- Anthony,
what are you doing out here?

The fun's in the casino.

- Come on inside.

Don't be a party poop.

Timothy, I've got a problem,
a gambling problem.

Once I start, I can't stop.

- Listen to me, Anthony.

Just give away your chips
and reclaim your self-esteem.

- But the smell of the cards,
the sound of the shuffle,

the pain of handing over
the title to my car

to some yokel
with beginner's luck!

I can't stand it!

- Oh.

- Thank you, Timothy.
I needed that.

- Oh, well--

- don't do it again!

- Let's find someplace
we can nap in peace.

- All right, but first,

let's gamble all our chips away
in one grand,

magnificently
pointless gesture.

- That's the only
kind of gesture I make.

- Give away the chips.

- Hey, wouldn't it be ironic
if we won?

- Number eight.

- So much for irony.

- Daria, take my chips.

- Excuse me?

- You know, as a thank-you

for making me
want to kill myself

a little less
than the processed sausages

who call themselves
your classmates.

- You're not one of those

"young people are our greatest
hope" guys, are you?

- Thanks, Mr. Demartino,
but I can't.

I've already reached
my fun quota.

- Well, then you take them,
Jane, for being so...

- Yes?

- Angular.

- Hello, everyone.

Hope there aren't
any card sharps here.

- Hmm, it is tempting,
especially with Mr. O'Neill

about to sit down
at the poker table.

- I bet he has
a good poker face.

- But I'd rather be sleeping.

Thanks anyway.

- "Give the chips away."

Poker face.

Ah, poker!

- I wonder
where Quinn could be.

- Tiffany, grooming facilities
on these vessels

are very primitive.

She and Marco are probably
fighting over mirror space.

- Wait, there she is.

- Hey, Quinn.
- Hey, Quinn.

- You look cute.
- Hi.

Boy, I'm so glad
I found you guys.

- Where's Marco?

- Oh, he got stuck
at a photo shoot,

but he said he might stop
by later.

- Later?
We're on a boat.

- You know, Tiffany,

there are things
called helicopters.

- Gee, poor Marco must be
the only model in the world

who's ever had to work
on a Saturday.

- Sandi, you act as if
you don't believe me.

- Of course I believe you,
Quinn.

And even if I didn't,
which I do,

I would never tell anyone
you've been stood up.

It could put your popularity
in free fall,

and I'm too good a friend
for that.

- Thanks, sandi,
you are a good friend.

I guess I'll get a soda.

- Poor Quinn.

I can't believe
she's been stood up.

- Did you hear?
Quinn's been stood up.

- Quinn's been stood up?
Oh, my gosh.

- Marco, that model.

- Ha, ha!

Three Jacks!

I win again.

- Um, Anthony, I really think

you're taking a bad detour
off recovery road.

- Well, that's interesting.
Deal!

- Ah!

- You've had too much to drink,
damn it.

Now, get out of here

and back in the pilot house,
where you belong.

- Aye-aye, captain.

- You're the captain,
you idiot.

- Okay, those must be
the owners.

You strike up a friendship
with her

while I dazzle him with
a little consulting expertise.

- Ahoy there, mates.

You must be the owners
of this fine ship.

- Right you are, handsome.

I'm didi,
and this is my husband, Lee.

- Hello, Helen morgendorffer.

- Nice to meet you.
- Welcome aboard.

How you doin'?

- Oh!
- Damn it!

I got to go escort the captain
to the pilot house.

But let me stand you
to a flagon of grog there, Jake.

- Grog?

This is beer.

- Cheap beer.

- My, what a lovely broach.

- It cost a fortune.

Little enough compensation

for sleeping with that bozo
for 30 years.

- I'm out of cash.

Do you take credit cards?

Mr. and Mrs. Morgendorffer.

I don't know
if you're interested,

but they're looking
for another poker player.

- I'm on my way.

- Helen?
- Bye, nice meeting you.

- Wait, Mrs. Morgendorffer,
there's a player at the table

who requires
your special understanding.

- My, Jake, your wife seems
a little tense.

Oh.

She's just very energetic.

- But I'll bet you know
how to relax her.

- This cruise isn't so bad.

We're doing the same thing here

we'd be doing
any other Saturday night.

- You're right.

Pleasant dreams.

- Oh, kevy, alone at last.

- Babe, want to join
the mile high club?

- I know.

Why don't you join
the bottom of the ocean club?

- Hey, you've been
spying on us.

Come on, kevy,
let's go someplace

where we can be alone.

- Yeah, let's get away
from these nosy bodies.

- Back to the Serenity
of dreamland.

- Yeah, I hope
the fire-breathing cyclops

hasn't caught me yet.

Now, there's nothing wrong
with the name Princess fairy.

But if I were your consultant,

I'd come up with something
more edgy, like the elegante.

Then with a paint job
and some new carpeting--

- I don't know if my husband,
El cheapo,

will go for spending
that kind of money.

He won't even paint
the lifeboat.

- Oh.

- But maybe you and I
can whip up a strategy

to convince him.

- Yipe!

- Ha!
Full house.

How could I, a born loser,
ever delude myself

into thinking
that I could win at poker

when nothing
in my whole miserable existence

has ever worked out!

- Mr. Demartino,
please control yourself.

It's only a game.

- Not so fast.

Read 'em and weep.

Straight flush.

- Oh!

- Kevy.

Oh, no!

Kevy, we're floating away!

- Don't worry, babe.

I'll save us.
Oops.

- Oh, no!

Now what are we gonna do?

- Help!
- Help!

- Help us!

- Do you hear Brittany
and Kevin screaming?

- No.

- Me neither.
Nighty night.

- Daria, I need your advice.

- My advice is, leave now,

and I won't turn you
into shark kibble.

- I'm serious.

The whole school is talking
about how I got stood up.

- You people just never want
for stimulating conversation,

do you?

- I know.
How do I make them stop?

- By acting like you don't care
what they think.

- But I do care
what they think.

It's why I do what I do,
wear what I wear,

say what I say.

- And I suppose if someone
told you to read a book,

you'd do that too.

- Look, just pretend
you don't care.

It'll take all the fun
out of dragging your name

through the mud,
and the conversation

will turn back
to more important matters,

like which lip gloss
has the longest staying power.

- Besides, if you act upset,
they'll know you were stood up.

- Yeah.

So stop engaging
in suspicious behavior.

- What suspicious behavior?

- Hanging around us.

- Oh, you're right.
- That was easy.

- I can do it in my sleep.

Um, Mr. Morgendorffer,
I'm a little short on cash,

and I was wondering
if you'd like to buy my watch.

- Maybe some other time.

Say, that's a pretty
cheap-looking item.

- Jamie!

- I'll raise you $20.

- Helen, I have to talk to you.

- Not now, Jake.

- I'll see your $20
and raise you $5.

- Honey, it's important.

- Not now, Jake!

- Excuse me, Quinn's visiting
exchange student or whatever.

- We're really worried
about Quinn.

- Yeah, we want to make sure
she wasn't really stood up.

- Marco did call
from the shoot, right?

Because it would be
just awful if he didn't.

- Yeah, he called.

- Oh.

- You realize you just did
something nice for your sister.

- Must be
the sleep deprivation.

- I know.

Maybe if I light a match,
someone will see us.

Whoa!

- Quit splashing me!

- Sorry, babe.

Hey, I found the matches.

- Hello there.

- Ah!

I'm sorry.
You startled me.

- Little old me?

Don't just stand there,
handsome.

Hold on to my waist.

Mm.

I feel so free.

- Really?
Um, that's nice.

- Hey!

- Whoa, oh, whoa!

- Get a life!

Don't just stand there, skinny.

Hold on to my waist.

- I've thought
about chucking it all,

believe you me.

One day I'm gonna buy a boat,
sail it around the world, twice.

- I'm a mite tired, son.

I'm going to bed.
Try to be home by 11:00.

- Oh, wha--hey, wait!

- Daria!
Have you seen your father?

- Mom, Dr. Moreau invited you
to the island too?

- I'm going to kill--
there he is.

Jake.

- Listen, Helen, the captain--
- no, you listen.

Your little interruption
broke my concentration

and caused me
to lose my big hand.

- Oh, it did, did it?

Well, your lack of support
cost me a consulting job,

leaving me alone with that--
eww--didi!

- Oh, fine,
just blame everything on me.

- Damn right I'm gonna blame
everything on you!

It's your fault!

- We're never gonna get
any sleep, are we?

- Not unless we kill
every living thing on board.

- I'm okay with that.

Look, the fog's rolling in.

Eww.
That's not fog.

That's methane.

- I believe your story, Quinn.

I mean, no guy would ever
stand you up.

- Thanks, Brent.

- Oh, my god!
Helen, the boat's sinking!

Oh, we're gonna die!
We're gonna die!

- Damn it!

Where's the lifeboat?

The lifeboat?

Certainly you have
more than one lifeboat.

- Are you nuts?

Do you know how much
those things cost?

Now, where is it?

- I don't know.

Want to buy a watch?

- I want to help Quinn
off the boat.

- But I was here first,
so I get to.

- But I know
the heimlich maneuver.

- I would have won
that game too.

- Except that you lost.

- Ugh!

- Help!

Whoa!

I'm drowning.

- Stay there.

I'll be right back
with the life vest.

- Hey, sandi, about going out
for some food.

I think I'll take a rain check.

- Did you hear?

Sandi's been dumped.

- Oh, no, sandi's been dumped?

- Sandi got dumped.

- No way, sandi's been dumped?

- So now that sandi's
been dumped,

she won't dare bring up Marco.

Eww!
Get off me!

- Not now, Quinn.

I'm talking to your father.

You just had to interfere.

- Oh, yeah?

Well, none of this
would have happened

if you hadn't left me
with that--that nympho!

- Excuse me, but, like,

I think I'm supposed
to meet someone at a party here.

- Actually, the party's moved.

Come on, you can ride with me.

- But...

- Wait, I think I see
the rescue boat.

Oh, no, it's a cloud.

But doesn't it look
kind of like a boat?

Or maybe more like a camel.