Original subtitles

- I think it's so important

for a family to find the time to eat together

and share their day.

Did I share with you how many meetings I had to rearrange

so that I could be here?

Not that I'm complaining.

But who knows what impact this will have on negotiations

I'm not at Liberty to discuss.

Jake, Quinn, daria, this isn't a library.

- Despite the presence of fluorescent lighting

and uncomfortable chairs.

- Come on; Let's have a nice chat.

Daria, penny for your thoughts?

- Well, I was just pondering the idea that the negative

which is the nothingness of being

and the annihilating power both together is nothingness.

- Oh, daria, that whole "less is more" thing is so over.

Accessories are back.

- I just don't get it.

If bc's a caveman, how can he celebrate ash Wednesday?

- Why do I bother?

- Nothing.

What's that red stuff?

- Hmm, nothing.

What do you think that is?

- Cherry soda?

- No, it looks more like cranberry juice.

- Nothing.

- Well, hi, mom.

- Hey, mom.

- What is that, strawberry syrup?

- I'm guessing cranberry juice.

- Cherry soda.

- Who could that be?

Wind, what an unexpected treat.

- Mom, mom!

Trent, Janie!

It's so great to see everybody.

Sorry I didn't call first,

but I had to clear out of the houseboat in a hurry.

- When tidal waves strike?

- No, Katie and I are separating for a while.

- Oh, honey, I hope you two work it out.

- Me too, mom.

I mean, two alimony payments a month are enough.

Oh, god!

I'll never learn how to love.

- It's okay, sweetheart.

We've got plenty of room.

- Um... - Uh-oh.

- There were some phone messages I almost forgot about.

Let's see.

Penny's coming in from Costa Rica.

Some kind of problem with a volcano.

And dad's finished taking pictures

of Celtic rock formations.

He's on his way back to print.

- What's that written on your other hand?

- "Change name of mystik spiral

to something something explosion."

- Hey, do I smell cookies baking?

- Not bloody likely. - The kiln!

- Who could that be?

Sis!

Claudia threw you out.

- Ha ha!

Yeah, but that was years ago.

I think you mean Katie.

You--you ran out of pesos?

- Colones.

No, my native craft stand was wiped out.

Damn lava.

- I'm so glad you're okay.

- That's chiquito.

He's very possessive.

- Who could that be?

- Thanks.

I think I left my house keys in cannamara.

- Yahoo!

- Go, you beautiful bastard!

Three points, yeah!

- Something wrong, honey?

- Jake, do you ever worry

that our children are becoming strangers to us?

- Stranger than us?

What's so strange about us?

Hey!

- I try and try to keep the channels of communication open.

What more can I do?

- Look under the mattress for a diary?

I mean by accident, of course.

- Honestly, Jake, sometimes

I wonder if you know even the most rudimentary facts

about our girls.

How old is Quinn?

- 11... ish?

That was a guesstimate.

- Jake, what's my middle name?

- It's got a "k," right?

- Ugh!

- Honey, wait.

Shoot, big man, shoot!

- Is your toll collector

wearing pants, a skirt, or nothing but a smile?

Cold breeze on the interstate next on sick, sad world.

- Hey, Jane.

How long has the living room TV been broken?

- About two years, I guess.

- Do you mind if I watch a show in here?

It's kind of a marital emergency.

- Actually-- - thanks.

Welcome once again to the living marriage,

a holistic blueprint for loving.

Oh, Katie, Katie, Katie!

- I think I'll give daria a call... Downstairs.

Penny, going to be long?

- Business.

No, no, señor finance minister.

Necesito dinero to reopen my business.

Your volcano wiped out hundreds

of hand-fashioned tin picture frames,

and I'd like to know how your government

intends to compensate me.

- All right, then.

To my private office.

- No, señor, I have not been inhaling volcano dust.

Hello?

Hello?

- Sorry, going to be a while.

I'm developing.

- Whatever. - Oh, honey?

Don't drink from that big bottle in the kitchen.

It's silver nitrate. - It's poisonous?

- Yeah, and I need it for my prints.

- Um, mom, can we discuss

this family togetherness nightmare?

Wind's crying all over my stuff,

penny's starting a trade war in the kitchen,

and dad's rinsing prints in all the toilets.

- Oh, Jane, everyone will work things out

in their own way in their own time.

Remember when you kids were young?

- How far back?

Diapers creep me out.

- The time Trent moved into a tent in the backyard.

- Oh, sure.

It was my job to deliver the sandwiches.

- We just left him alone

for six months until he got bored.

Summer once ate only pez for a year,

and look how beautifully she turned out.

You know, if you try to hold a butterfly

tightly in your hand, it will die.

You have to let it go.

And if it comes back,

it is truly yours.

But if it doesn't,

it never really was.

- How about if you tear off its precious little wings?

Huh?

Who could that be?

- I'm not picky. The manger will be fine.

Jane!

Oh, hi, Mrs. Morgendorffer.

Didn't see you there.

- It's okay; Speed walkers have thick skins.

Jane, since you're staying with us and all, I thought,

well, you're daria's best friend,

and she's--she's so hard to talk to these days.

- Maximum of three questions.

No betrayals.

Immunity from prosecution.

- Agreed.

Drugs?

- Nope, unless you count TV.

- Depressed?

- No, just realistic.

- Sex?

Oh, that's too obvious.

Can I have another one?

- The walls are closing in.

The ice is getting thin.

No place to be alone.

My house is not a home.

Psychic refugee.

Psychic refu--

The walls are closing in.

The ice is--

- but, dad, I don't know what else to do.

I tried everything on that show.

- Your mom and I have found role-playing

to be a super way to work out conflicts.

We also enjoy hitting each other with large foam rubber bats.

- I'd do it,

but Katie isn't here.

- Well, I'll be Katie.

Trent, would you mind

being the flirtatious girl at the checkout counter?

- Uh, I gotta go sharpen my guitar pick.

- Okay, I'll get Trent's tent out of the attic.

Bye.

Courtney and Adrian are coming for a visit.

Isn't that great?

- Does summer know?

- She should, shouldn't she?

- Well, she's kind of their mother.

Have you seen Janie?

- No, hon, but if you find her,

tell her I said hi.

- Doesn't this feel great? - Um...

- Has anyone seen Jane?

- She was just standing there a few minutes--days ago.

- Aha!

- Good one.

- Hey, thanks for setting the table, Jane-o.

- No problem.

Thanks for letting me stay here.

- Well, I know how it can be,

being driven from your childhood home,

even if it was a dark, depressing place,

the air thick with oppression and the constant threat of--

- look, a ducky.

- Hey, neat!

Say, Jane, I know you're daria's best friend,

and, well, she's so hard to talk to these days.

I was wondering--

- maximum of three questions, no betrayals,

immunity from prosecution,

and talk your wife into finding a new speed-walking route.

- Done. Age?

- 17.

- Uh, height?

- 5'2".

- Mm-hmm.

- Favorite color.

Black.

- Oh, that's too obvious.

Can I have another one?

- I don't suppose you could tear out a chapter for me.

- Sorry.

Library book.

- Those milk trivia quizzes

are really interesting.

I'd like to try chewing some of this cud sometime.

- Why don't they just put marmaduke to sleep?

- Well, Jane, since everyone else is occupied,

why don't we have a little--

- hey! - Vitamin d, 200%.

Vitamin a, 100%.

- Who could that be?

- Hey, daria.

Janie here?

- Um, yeah, hi.

Smells good.

- Trent?

- Hey, Janie.

I just stopped by to tell you

I'll be living in the tank for a while.

- The tank?

- It's a Van... Or it was once.

Why didn't you phone?

- Couldn't get near it.

Hey, is that spaghetti?

It's my favorite.

- Actually, it's fettucini bolognese.

- Oh, yeah, that's my favorite.

It's not sticking together at all.

- Trent, my man, you want to stay for dinner?

- Well, it is nice and warm in here, not like the tank.

I bet your doors lock too.

- Trent, would you like to stay here tonight?

- Eep!

What?

- Are you sure you've got the concentration for this game?

- Huh?

Of course, why?

- Well, just 'cause you've only picked two letters.

- Oh.

Oh, yeah.

- You're an artist, right?

- I've been known to push the paint around.

Why?

- Art fascinates me. - Uh-huh.

- So if you were contouring the eyelids

of, oh, someone with, let's see, coloring,

skin tone, and hair color just like mine,

would you go with a deep plum or a rich mauve?

- I'd have to see the actual-- - okay.

- Don't touch my "q."

- What?

- Hey, daria? Seen Janie?

I need to borrow her toothbrush.

- Uh, she'll be back in a minute.

- Guess I'll wait.

Hey, cool room.

- Oh, thanks.

- Comfortable bed.

Mark twain.

Huckleberry Finn, right? - Yeah.

- I read that in high school... I think.

- Um, it's an American classic.

Used to watch huckleberry hound when I was a kid.

They didn't really have a lot in common,

now that I think about it.

- Um, no.

Huckleberry hound was much more of a joiner.

- Yeah, loser.

Why did quick draw McGraw

hang out with that freaky little mule?

- Whoops, didn't mean to interrupt.

- That's okay.

Hey, Janie, I need to borrow your toothbrush.

- Take it; It's a gift.

- Cool.

- Wow, kismet!

What were you guys talking about?

- Comparative literature.

- Who could that be?

- Quinn!

Your date is here!

Wow, I really don't know my kids.

- Hey, Trent around?

- Oh, you're for--well, then.

Trent, your date is here!

- Thanks.

See ya.

- Trent, where are you going? - Out.

- And when are you coming back? - Later.

Bye.

- Someone should talk to that young man

about the lifestyle choices he's making.

- Ew!

- Don't worry.

You're twice the woman she is.

- No, that would be a size 12.

Listen, daria, I always say

that just because a guy has a girlfriend,

it doesn't mean he's off limits.

Unless you're the girlfriend.

By "you," I mean me, of course.

Remember that.

- Mm.

Got any more Pearl drops of wisdom?

- Daria, all you need is a little confidence.

Just close your eyes and imagine what you want.

Watch me.

- Quinn, looking into your mauve-lidded eyes

makes me want to give you everything you've ever desired.

May I worship your heavenly perfection until the end of time

or until you meet someone better, whichever comes first?

- Oh, okay.

Oh, and could you get me a soda in a crystal goblet?

It's only a matter of time.

Give it a try, daria.

Just use your imagination,

and picture your dream exactly the way it will be.

- All right, but I don't trust you enough

to close my eyes.

Trent, honey, I'm home.

- Hey. - Good day?

- Not much happened.

- Don't worry, Trent.

I'm sure mystik spiral

is on the brink of success.

- We really should change the name.

- And I don't mind working double shifts

at the gene-splicing lab until you make it.

- Face it, daria.

We're never going to get our big break.

I gotta get a real job.

Um, I'll need some money to get my tattoo removed.

- Honey, we have to save right now.

Trent Jr. needs glasses, thick ones.

- Don't you understand?

Every time I look at this stupid tattoo,

it reminds me how I've wasted my life.

But I'm not giving up.

I'm determined to lie here on the couch

until things turn around.

- Oh, Trent.

Whatever happened to the man I married?

- We never got married, remember?

I overslept.

- Who could that be?

- That's for me.

Bye!

- You okay there,

sister-in-law?

- Hmm.

I think I just got over something.

- Who could that be?

- Hey, that print took me five hours!

- Whee!

Whee!

- Uh, children, that's not really a ride.

- You kids get off that pottery wheel this instant.

- Summer, you've come to take the kids home?

- Well, I figured since I made the trip,

I'd stay a few nights.

- Gee, how was today's pre-breakfast run?

- Pre-breakfast speed walk, right, Jane?

- I thought we had a deal.

- Uh, huh!

- Good morning, Quinn.

- If you're wondering why I overslept,

it's not because I was out late or anything.

My alarm clock simply malfunctioned.

- I certainly accept your convincing explanation.

- Trent? - Hmm?

- What time did you get in last night?

- Um, midnight?

- I don't think so, young man.

Jake, was there something

you wanted to talk to Trent about?

- Yeah!

Trent, what would you think

if tonight I tried a little chutney shrimp?

I'm itching to break out the old wok.

- Trent, I'm afraid these crazy hours you keep

will make it impossible for you to adjust

if and when you decide to get a job

and join the rest of us in conventional society.

- Doesn't anyone want to know what ungodly hour I got in?

- I meant to be home sooner,

but Monique and I spent four hours breaking up.

- You guys break up every other week.

You don't belong together.

Figure it out.

Right, daria? - Um--

- Trent, one day you'll have

your own home, and you can live

any way you choose.

But while you're under our roof, young man,

you will respect the rules of this household.

- Yes'm.

- Now, let's discuss an appropriate punishment

for breaking curfew.

- But don't I deserve appropriate punish--

I mean, um, just tell them if they'll let it go this once,

you'll never do it again.

- I'm sorry I broke the rules.

We don't really have any rules at our house.

Right, Janie?

- Well, there's that one about not building a fire

in the rooms that don't have fireplaces.

- You know, I once lived in a tent in the yard

for six months,

waiting for someone to invite me back into the house.

- Oh, do I know what that's like,

waiting for your so-called loved ones

to acknowledge your existence,

sitting alone in the dark,

craving the love of a heartless man

who keeps you in a constant state

of fear and--

Who could that be?

- Hello, Helen.

- Why, Amanda.

I guess you've come to claim your children?

- Are they here?

- Jane is free to go,

but Trent is grounded.

- Oh, I don't believe in that.

You know, Helen, if you try to hold a butterfly

tightly in your hand, it will die.

You have to let it go and--

you gotta help me!

I need my house back!

- Amanda, I may have an idea.

- Well, now that we'll all

be living under the same roof for a while,

I thought it would be nice if we sat down each night,

ate dinner together,

and shared our day.

Penny, keep that bird pointed away from the vegetables!

So what's new?

- Well, I'm thinking of switching

from handcrafted tin picture frames

to handcrafted gecko skin coin purses.

- You still think your little nicknacks

are going to save the economies of the third world?

- Now, summer, some things are worth saving.

- And some things can't be saved,

like my marriage!

- It's okay, wind.

It's for the best.

- Really?

- Believe me; You're much better off.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- Yeah, what do you know about marriage?

- Well, I can't say I've had as much experience

as either of you in failing at it.

- Whoa! - Wait a minute.

- Hey, guys, live and let live.

We want to go home!

- Then why the hell did you run away and drag me back

to the last place on earth I want to be?

- Now, hold on a minute.

- I have such interesting and articulate children.

- And grandchildren.

- So once again, the wandering lanes scatter to parts unknown

as Trent and I return to the benign neglect

that has served us so well in the past.

- I guess no matter what style parents you have,

they will inevitably drive you crazy.

- Well said, amiga.

And so adios.

- Well, it was fun. - Yeah.

Uh, sorry your date didn't work out.

- Janie's right;

Monique and I just aren't meant to be.

Too bad you're not a few years older, huh?

I could take you out.

See ya.

Daria, you're the best thing that ever happened to me.

- Damn.