Original subtitles

Dear Samuel Beckett, I have always been a great admirer of yours.

Waiting for Godot was my favorite 20th century play, and I have treasured it

ever since I first read it when I was 17.

13.

Every day when I awake, I ask myself, what am I waiting for?

Although I do not think that I personally am waiting for Godot, I do

very good friends who are.

The reason I am writing to you is twofold.

One, to inform you of my particular respect for your work and the uncanny

kinship I feel it shares with mine, and two, to see if you would like to read my

most recently completed play, Despair, and then perhaps meet to discuss a

potential future collaboration.

I look forward to hearing from you shortly.

Hoping your next play's a hit.

Sincerely, Ira Ellis.

I see a spot over there, over there on the right.

Right in front of your seat, you fucking idiot. Coming up on the right. Right

there, right there. It's fucked right deep. Just pass it.

Back up. Will you back up? Back up now. Hurry up. We're going to lose a spot.

Will you hurry up? Back up quick, you little prick. Back it up.

Jeez, what the fuck do you do right? Anything?

I can't believe it. I got fucking luck. I could kill him. I could kill him.

Unbelievable. I get no luck.

Ira, the poles. We don't do poles. We do glass.

Come on, over here. Move it.

Come on. I got a schedule. Got a schedule.

Got a lot of steps to make, a lot of people to see. Let's go. You put a brake

that, I'll put a brake in you. I swear to God.

Lift it up. Lift it up. What the fuck are you doing?

If you shorten out on the pages. No, no. But because I can make it longer. No,

don't. Then what is it? Well, it's just that all that dialogue about life and

death. I mean, life, death, it's just so depressing.

But what's depressing is good.

Right, Jack? Look, Ira, if you want to be an artist, you have to suffer. Yeah,

know, I know, and I suffer a lot.

You have to be independent -minded.

Do what you think is right, not what others think. I know, I... I don't worry

about these things. When my paintings hang in the Whitney Biennial, it's going

to be because they're fresh, unique, and iconoclastic.

So what do you think?

Should I quit my job and spend every penny I've got and put it all into a

showcase production of my play, or not?

I think... Yes, but... But what is it? Not enough truth in the play? Not enough

iconoclasm? Can't you write a part in it for Janet?

Gee, Jack, I don't know. I mean, just because she's your girlfriend, I mean, I

don't know if that's really fair to me. I mean, it really would upset the

artistic sense of balance that's so hard to achieve, don't you think?

No. Really?

Fuck. She takes so many acting classes and still she never gets cast. She never

gets a call back. No, I know. I feel so sorry for her.

Well, either you've got it or you don't. She is just utterly... I can't almost.

Gosh, what a shame, because she really is pretty.

No, she's not.

No? Don't worry, Harry. You'll find someone pretty.

Life. Life.

Life.

Death.

Death.

Death.

Death.

Death.

Life.

Life.

Life.

Eternity.

Eternity. Eternity.

Well,

I thought it was excellent.

I thought it was deep and very sensitive, too.

Really, Ma? Because I really thought I was getting at something very personal.

Oh, it was personal, what that young man had to say about life and death.

At the same time, a little not so personal. I mean, that young man.

with the violence, with the parents, with the pain. It was so tragic. No, no,

no, no.

No, not you. I mean, you are. You are nothing like that character.

How long did it take you to write it? Almost a year. It was very difficult.

I can imagine.

This should take care of February. I don't need money.

That's all right. Take it from me, please. Mama, leave me alone.

What? There's nothing to tell. I'm not taking any money. I'm my own person.

Right, right, right. You're right, Ira.

You are your own person. Absolutely.

I'm with you all the way on that. You shouldn't be taking money from us.

But for now, Ira, do your mother a favor.

Make her happy.

Take the money.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I was just going to call you.

Where have I been? Where have you been? I told you right after I finished up

with my parents, we'll meet by the entrance. I distinctly remember. Right

by the entrance. No, no, no. I said here.

Well, how was I supposed to know? I hear you mentioned your... You didn't

actually pay, did you? Shit, I never pay at one of these places. It's such a rip

-off. Where is everyone else? I don't know, but Janice got an extra long work

shift tonight. Her boss is a complete asshole.

Well, what about Nick and Nadia? Oh, they left a while ago. And Phoebe?

You're a cab home with your actor. What's his name? What about that girl I

you sitting next to on the aisle? The one with the, you know... Yeah, Floresa.

That's the one. I don't know, but I saw her take off with Paco.

But, you know, Sharon's here.

Oh, God, where?

I don't know, but she was looking for you.

How does she look?

Well, that's hard to say. You know, it's all relative, but I do know she really

liked your play. I mean, she couldn't stop breathing about it. Oh, I know. Was

my play really that bad?

I told you before, it was good. It was very post -Beckett, Ionesco, et cetera.

You know, but without the regressive imagery, very anti -visual, of course.

directorial choices were sometimes a tad questionable, but the play was very

good. It was a solid piece of work.

Oh, solid.

Good.

Solid. It was very good.

Thanks, Scott.

Hi, Sharon.

I was getting nervous you wouldn't show up. I must have eaten a hundred peanuts

at the bar.

Oh, I'm sorry, but my parents... Oh, I know.

Now let's go boogie.

Ever since I met your baby, got my head in the clouds.

Every time I kiss you, I lift off the ground.

My friends say that...

Stick around.

Well, he was very good. A solid piece of wood.

A solid piece of wood. A solid piece of wood.

Solid. Solid.

Solid. Solid.

Closer. Closer.

Closer.

Despair. A deceptively intelligent playwright by newcomer Ira Ellis tells

of the puerile story of a mentally repressed psychotic who went

The homophobic Mr. Ellis has attempted to sublimate his own abnormal neuroses

into a work of art. What a mistake.

What is embarrassing to sit through this confessional drama which reveals so

much about the personal life of Mr. Ellis.

A playwright whose own obvious sexual impotence only magnifies his retungent

narcissism. A playwright who moreover displays no sign of promise.

Certainly no potential.

And no talent.

Yuck!

Death, death, death, moans the play's protagonist.

Enough, enough, enough.

Oh, Jack, do you think a lot of people read those reviews?

Gee, they were a little harsh. Harsh?

Oh, my God, they were... They were acid.

Scalding. I mean, if I got a review like that, I'd just kill myself.

No, that's not true. I'd just probably die to get my name printed anywhere.

Maybe we should write a letter to the editor. Are you kidding? This is the

village voice. We'd look like total fools.

Is there anything we can do for him? What are we doing right now? Oh, but I

more. I think we can keep on the cart. We can tell him that no matter what

anyone says, he is talented.

Yeah, right.

Oh, my God. Jack, Jack, get rid of the voice. And remember, remember, fun.

Ira. Ira.

Nice to meet you.

So, Ira.

Have you seen the new Beckett play over at La Mama?

I hear it's got nothing but rage. Jack, why don't you tell Ira about how Sylvie

thinks you're going to be the new Matisse? No, no, no.

I'm sorry. No, no, please. Go ahead.

Well, I was just going to say that Ira told me you were an actress, and I was

wondering if there was anything I might have seen you in, because I watch a lot

of TV.

Well, gee, I don't know.

I'm kind of a serious actress.

Yeah, I study a lot. Uh -huh.

You think I made a good impression?

I try not to talk much and say anything really stupid.

Oh, God, I hope I didn't blow it by eating like a pig.

Do my hands still feel greasy?

No. Feel them here.

They're fine. They'll feel them. They are fine. Please feel them. Fine.

I told Janice I was thinking about pursuing a career in mine, and she said

thought it was a good idea for me. Oh,

I hope so.

Oh, I know how you must feel, but, you know, you really shouldn't let those

critics upset you so much, really. They're only human.

I mean, I feel for you.

I do. I mean, I never told you, but I was abused. My father, he was an

child molester, and a couple of times when I was really little, he... Well,

in jail now, but I survived.

I... I survived.

Survival, Ira.

Survival is the key. Remember, you're an artist, and if you want to be an

artist, you have to suffer.

All great artists suffer, starve, and live miserable lives, and you, Ira, will

yet be a great artist.

All right.

It was high school Beckett, mixed with teenage angst, only shallow and lacking

point of view, like everything he writes, Janice. And you know how I feel

Ira? He's my best friend. I think he's a really good and intelligent person. I

mean, hell, I love the guy. He's a real card, but his work is entirely

derivative. Even the title, Despair, I mean, it's right out of Nabokov.

Look, I went to Yale.

Believe me.

I know. I wish I didn't, but I do. It's a pretentious, naive, boring final.

I just can't lie.

Oh, my God. Poor Ira.

She's so nice.

Yeah, but if you want to be an artist, nice is not enough. Oh, I know, I know,

but still.

How was the acting?

Well, actually, the actors were really very good. You know, I heard there was

agent in the audience who signed up all three immediately.

Oh. Oh, no, it's probably just that guy.

He says he's an agent. He's really so sleazy from Times Square to Mordo. No,

really, it was the lady from William Morris.

What a shame. It would have been such an opportunity for Ira to hold him at

Bridenstone in camp, Deason.

Have you told him what you think?

Jesus, no.

It would kill him.

And it's so frustrating because I myself am intimate with so many important

theater people from way back when.

But how's that going to help him?

He needs talent, right?

Mom, Dad, no, I know the review is disappointing, but please listen to me.

It's not a good time to cut me off like this, really.

So just think about it a little bit more, and remember, I'm your only son. I

mean, you don't want me to starve, do you?

But, Ira, they said that you said we were your parents for me.

Stupid. I know what they said, but it's not true. That's not what I meant at

all. The play had nothing to do with you. It was anti -visual.

Sam, are you listening?

What? Has he changed his mind? Is he going to start working for me? Sam,

Look, Ira, I believe you. But I want you to come home. I think it's important

that you understand that there's nothing wrong with living with your parents.

And there's nothing wrong with string.

Start at the bottom in the factory.

In 20 years or less, if you put your mind to it, you could be where I am.

Then if you want to write another play, go ahead and write one.

Satani Kanko. What are you doing here?

What am I doing? What are you doing here? What am I doing? I'm doing great.

great, great. Oh, hi, this is Sheila.

Oh, hi.

Oh, that's great.

So what are you doing?

What am I doing? I'm making money, you know. I got my own recording studio now.

Oh, how great.

Yeah, I miss Sheila, you know.

Oh, great.

Oh, you know, a funny thing. You're not still writing plays, are you? Well,

actually, I sort of... Because a funny thing happened to me about a year ago.

I was going out with Molly Ringwald's sister to the opening of the Sam

play, and you're not going to believe this, but all of a sudden, it was

I fell in love with the theater.

How do you like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I go home that night, okay, and I

start writing. And I'm writing and I'm writing and I'm writing and writing.

Next thing you know, two weeks go by, I finish my first play.

So, now I don't want to brag or anything because you know how much I hate

braggarts, but I mean it's like, it's coming down in buckets.

I don't know what the hell to do.

You know, God, I listen so obnoxiously. Oh, no, no.

Really? Well, then maybe you heard about it because they're putting my play on

down at the public.

Great. Bob Duvall wants to do it.

But, I mean, I don't know. I mean, you know, Bobby do. He's good. But, I mean,

he's just a little too self -conscious of just how good he is.

You know what I mean?

Ira! Ira, your father's parking the car. Did you get the tickets yet?

Mom, this is Donnie Kunkel. Maybe you remember from high school.

Oh, look.

Of course I remember him. Good to see you, Mrs. Ellis. You look great.

Yes, and so do you. Oh, thanks.

Oh, this is Sheila.

Hi, Sheila. Nice meeting you.

So what are you two going to see?

Broadway bands, I hope, although I'm dying to see Darlene's back. Uh -huh. I

heard. There's a great new musical comedy about the life of Helen of Troy.

Helen? Wow, I can't believe it. That's the show that my studio just finished

recording the album on.

You're kidding.

No, I'm not kidding.

In fact, why don't I wait right now to do some promo work for it?

Ah, wait till I tell Sam.

He always said you were the gifted child.

Jesus Christ, Ira, what are you doing here?

How can you even sit through something so commercial?

You think Beckett would? And with his parents?

Get out of there. Go home and write.

Write. Write that truly great work of art.

Excuse me.

Yeah?

Oh, um, could I have, um, uh, one, uh, copy, please?

There's a 50 cent mint.

Oh, then, uh, uh, make that, uh, two.

Yeah, uh, uh, two, two copies, men.

Oh, thanks. Uh, say, uh, didn't I see you at, uh, at, uh... Palladium the

night? I don't know.

Did you?

Yeah, I think so, and I was very impressed.

What are you trying to do, pick me up or something?

Ira, I love you.

I love you more and more.

Every time I dream, you're the one I dream of evermore.

Ira, you know that you're so special.

special person.

You think so?

Yeah, yeah. I did used to be a pole popper. Gee, I mean, that's so... Yeah,

well... What a difficult adolescent.

Yeah, I don't know. I got used to it.

Well, not to change the subject or anything, but Sharon... Did I tell you I

started drawing a picture of you?

Oh, no, no.

Like I said, Sharon, you're a very special person.

Thanks, I... I just wish I was at least smart like you.

You're smart.

No, really, I'm not.

And I'm so scared.

My days at the Martha Washington Hotel are numbered.

I owe them $800, and I was just given two weeks' notice at work.

I have no skills. I have no experience.

Well, actually, I do have experience, but it's the wrong color.

I called my mother in Pennsylvania.

I haven't spoken to her in three years.

She told me she's got cancer.

Gee. She's disinheriting me. Do you need any money?

No, no, I'm all right.

What do you think you'll do?

I don't know.

I just joined a mind troupe.

Listen, Sharon.

They say love is a strange and wonderful thing.

I personally think it's a miracle.

I mean, it's a miracle if you ever...

someone who feels the same way about you as you do about the other person.

Sharon,

this is not a miracle.

doing a lot of experimental work lately.

Uh -huh. You see, these are acrylic, but all the rest are oil. Yeah.

I mean, I was going after a very synthetic quality here. Uh -huh. Right.

this is supposed to be an homage to Jasper Johns. I know it's a little anti

-abstract, but I thought he'd approve.

Don't you have anything with a little dimension?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

No, look over here, Sylvia. See? This one here has a hammer.

A hammer.

Yeah, right.

Listen, Jack,

I hate to have to be honest with you, but as your rep and as your friend, I

have to tell you, everything is just so... I don't know.

That hammer, Jack, it's so cliche.

I mean, when I spoke to you on the phone last week, I was excited. I thought,

maybe now, at last.

Is that a breakthrough?

Post -modern, neo -geo, I don't know what, but... No.

Your work is still... I'm sorry, Jack.

So, does this mean forget the Whitney Biennial?

Oh, hi.

You work over at the Xerox store?

Yeah.

I thought I'd seen you before. Yeah, I knew it.

Who are you? I'm the writer. I go there a lot. I do a lot of Xerox. Oh, well, I

don't work there anymore.

Really, what happened?

Fuck. What?

What? Christ, I don't know. They're all assholes, you know?

I know, I know. I mean, please, they're all from NYJU, totally hetero, into

careers. I just can't take it anymore.

They fired you?

Obviously.

Yeah. Fuck.

Fuck, yeah.

So, what are you looking for?

The Rock Hudson bio.

Oh, Rock Hudson. A very underrated actor.

Are you by any chance studying acting?

No, it's from my friend Robin. He's got AIDS.

Oh.

It's impressive.

I know. And he used to be my boyfriend.

You should be more careful.

I know. It's like all my boyfriends have been gay.

Oh. Except for Robin.

Yeah.

He and I used to share syringes.

Huh. What?

It's not like I'm infected or anything.

I mean, like I take precautions.

I've been tested.

I am HIV negative.

Do you have a boyfriend now?

That's a very personal question.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean it personally.

Yeah, well, like, I mean, I don't even know who you are. I mean, I've been

before. I know what it's like. I know the mentality.

Well, I'm sorry.

It's just that I meant, well, I mean, aren't you a little afraid? I mean,

AIDS.

Fuck it. I live downtown.

If it hits, it hits.

God, I hate it in there. I mean, I know they're so used, but still, it's so

mainstream.

Fuck, what time is it? I've got to go to St. Vincent's now. You know, like the

visiting hours from two to four only situation?

Want to come?

Robin's cool, and normally he's very attractive.

I can't. I'd really like to, but I was wondering, would you like to come with

to a movie sometime?

What? Well, I just thought, well, maybe you and I could go to... Oh, God, what's

today? Fuck!

I almost forgot. There's supposed to be this really intense Chilean film over at

the Gay Film Festival. I read all about the director and film threat. He's a

fetishist genius.

Call me.

9827586.

I'm so excited. I mean, I know it's got a few race marks, but so far everyone I

show it to doesn't hate it.

It's such a good feeling.

I mean, not that I'm saying I show any promise or anything.

I mean, I told everyone after all it was your idea. My idea?

Yeah, you know, the way you talk about love and miracles and commitment.

Not that I ever talked about commitments.

I know, but I'm getting desperate. You don't know. They're throwing me out into

the street on Friday.

I need your help. I mean, I need you.

I mean, can I move in?

Sharon.

Sharon, I think we should stop seeing each other.

Oh. Sharon, I love you. I really do. And I want to help you in any way I can.

But I think if our relationship is to grow, we have to slow down a bit.

Stop seeing each other for good.

It hurts me so much having to say this, but basically, I just want to be your

friend.

But you don't want to see me?

Or talk to you, right?

You must hate me.

Sharon, no, I love you. You're seeing someone else. Sharon, you are very

paranoid. I hate you!

Can't we work things out?

Sharon, I think it's best if for now, cut, dry, clean,

over.

My name is Ira. I'm the one who met you today in the bookstore.

Yeah? Well, you suggested I should call you, and

I just happened to remember your phone number, so, well, now I'm...

Calling you.

Now, what do you want?

Well, actually... Yeah?

Well, I was wondering. You said you wanted to see this film.

And I thought, well, maybe we meet at 8 and go. I mean, maybe go

to restaurants afterwards.

I can't.

I'm busy.

Oh. Uh, yeah, um, well, um, how about, um... Never mind.

Midnight's fine, but fuck Eden.

I'm too broke.

Oh, great, great, great, great.

That is so great. Well, then we'll leave in front of the theater. I just want to

confirm everything.

What, are you weird or something?

Uh, no, I just wanted to know for sure if...

Hello?

Junk? Junk? Is that you, Junk? Is anything the matter?

Hi, it's Sharon. I have to talk to you.

Oh, Sharon, hi.

How are you?

Oh, great.

Really great.

Oh.

You writing?

Writing, yeah.

That's what I'm doing.

Writing, yeah. Oh, that's good.

Can I come over right now?

I'd like you to come over. I mean, you should, after what a day we had. But,

know, unfortunately, like you said, now... Oh, of course, you're busy

writing. Yeah, yeah.

Good, good.

No, that's good, good.

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Well, um... Goodbye. Have a really nice evening.

And you too, Sharon. Have a really nice evening.

It's going to be old.

Quit me out!

Oh, uh, hey, uh, Donnie.

Fuck, this is really getting freaky. What are you doing out here?

Oh, nothing, just, uh, hanging out, meeting someone, some, some girl.

Oh, really? Well, maybe when she gets here, you'd like to join Kim and me. Oh,

Kim, come here.

This is my friend Ira. Ira, this is Jim. We got extra tickets to the Hunger

Benefit over at Limelight. Is Thomas going to be there?

No, no, I don't think so. I mean, you know... All right, well, listen. If you

change your mind, I'll be over at the Odeon. Let me know, all right?

If not, better still, call me, because I want to talk theater with you. I mean,

we just stopped, you know?

Playwright to playwright. Really, I mean that. I will, yeah.

You mean it? I mean it. Oh, shit, I'm late. I got to go. Bobby Duvall, please

call me.

Max! Now, really, I mean it. Bobby!

Dear I, thank you so much for coming. It means so much to me. I realize I have

no value in your eyes, being neither smart nor attractive nor fun to be with.

I am grateful, therefore, for the little things in life that you have given me.

Your soft caresses, your sweet smile.

These will always remain a precious memory for me.

But now it is time for me to go.

I'm sorry, but I have no choice.

I will always love you and watch over you from my place in heaven.

I love you, Sharon.

Here, drink this. Drink, drink, drink this.

Stay awake.

Here, drink, drink.

Drink this.

What do you need? What do you need?

What does it say?

One a day... Keep the doctor a...

Away! Damn it!

But, Doctor, who could have made her do such a thing? Poor girl. She must have

been very unhappy.

Doctor, do you think she's going to pull through? I'm afraid that'll be up to

our patient.

Well, young lady, what do you have to say for yourself?

Are you sorry?

Are you going to pull through for us or not?

Dear Sharon, a poem.

How happy I was to see the doctor save you.

But then how sad I was to realize how I behaved to you.

And so I stopped and pondered. A leaf.

A bird.

To a card game I wandered.

I placed in third.

And then I started writing.

Thoughts of you at my side.

Beauty is my guiding force.

Jack and Janet say hi.

Get well soon.

Love, I.

Gee, how have you been?

I'm sorry, I guess I must have missed you the other night. I was so crowded.

What? Oh, yeah, I didn't show up. Listen, can you return this for me? Oh,

no problem.

Robin didn't like it?

No, he fell into a coma.

A coma.

God, that's like the threshold of... I mean, like right there, square in the

middle between life and...

Do you think you'll get better? I mean, like, maybe pull out of it?

He used to sing with me.

Oh, you're a singer?

Well, I used to be with this band.

Well, I know some bands.

Who do you know?

Well, I used to, but I lost touch.

But I do know some people.

Have you ever heard of Tommy Gestapo?

You know Tommy Gestapo?

Well, we were college roommates first week freshman year.

Whoa, you know he was one of the original dopes?

Were you ever one of the dope?

No, I used to be with the dopeheads, but then I had this tiff, so I started the

junkies. And now, of course, I'm just junk.

Junk.

I'm a new kind of guy.

Look at me, babe, and sigh.

You're gonna love me the rest of your days. I can see it in your eyes. I can

see it in your gaze. So, hey, you don't have to be shy.

You can call me I.

Just look in my heart and you'll see.

A neat kind of guy.

I'll burn.

So burn.

So many ways.

Here's what I'm saying. Look in my heart and you'll see.

A neat kind of guy.

Now, now I'm saying farewell to this girl who

doesn't feel well.

Her name is Sharon and she is so nice, but she ain't got any sugar and

she ain't got any spice, so hey.

Fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Please, make yourself at home.

How much do you pay rent for this place?

Well, I can't really afford it now, but when I could, well, it was cheap, and I

got a pretty good deal, I think, so... What, less than 300?

Well, actually... 400?

It doesn't matter.

Fuck.

Do you want some tea?

Is it herbal?

No.

I mean, yes.

No, no, I mean no, no, no.

Good. I hate anything natural.

Gee, it must be very upsetting and a real shock to have a friend fall into a

coma. Yeah, comas.

It's sort of like being in a mall.

Are you from the suburbs?

Fuck. Living in suburbia was such a degrading experience.

I mean, like, I just had to wear a dress.

What? This is Naugahyde. And besides, it's not like I have to wear it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, no, I... You don't have to stare.

Here, you want to feel?

Well, I... You can feel some more if you want. You don't have to be so

repressed. Well, thanks. I really like Naugahyde.

Why? Are you into S &M or something?

No, no, no, no.

Because I find pain very erotic. All of my sexual fantasies involve, you

know, castration and all.

Are you gay?

What do you mean, are you gay? I'm making a pass at you.

Yeah, well, I don't know. It's hard to tell. I mean, I just assumed you were. I

mean, being into theater and all. I'm not into theater. I write plays.

Look, I've lived on Christopher Street. I just want to make sure.

You want to make sure? You're the one with a gay boyfriend.

Well, maybe you're using me to get to them. Or maybe you're just sublimating

your subconscious homoerotic impulses.

Look, Ira, homosexuality is a valid choice.

God, I'd be ashamed if I felt ashamed.

Well, I'm not ashamed. Good.

But I'm also not gay, you realize. Well, I'm not sure Gore Vidal would agree,

but fuck, I mean, I really don't care.

Well, good.

I guess.

Oh, God, this is getting too weird. Let's just fuck some other time. Wait a

second. When exactly?

Oh, I'm sorry, Jack. I really am.

I thought I could hype them into it. Give them some ecstasy. Show them your

slides. But I was wrong.

The biennial committee this year is just so... Oh, I don't know.

Maybe it's my fault.

Maybe I'm just not as good a rep as I thought I was.

I mean, look at Julian Schnabel.

Look at Cindy Sherman. I mean, my God, really.

What about just getting me into the group show over at Pat Hearn? Jack, no,

can't. I just, I can't push you anymore. I run out of hype.

Your work just isn't... working and... What?

I had an offer yesterday from the Met.

Howard. You know my friend Howard.

He wants me to curate the Spring Ming Dynasty show.

But Sylvia, what am I going to do?

I don't know.

But you've got to understand.

I was talking to Viva just last week and we were both saying these days it's

really not the same. I mean...

Now that Andy's dead and all.

Oh!

Jake!

Jake! Jake!

What? I've been looking all over for you. I almost went to the Met. Oh, God,

won't believe what happened.

What? That girl I told you about, remember?

Junk, junk, remember?

Get laid?

Get laid?

Not yet. But I tell you, this coming weekend...

Like never in my life have I known. That's a sure thing. But now I got up

morning and I wrote like I never wrote. I wrote and finished.

Forget about it. Oh, my God, we are talking.

I've got a truly great work of art on my hands. I just know it. I mean, it's got

the meaning and the dimension and the poetry, the whole thing. But integrate

so that it forms a whole.

It can't lose. My life is set.

Where do you go? I don't got.

So what's up with you? I mean, what's going to happen with Sylvia?

Well... What, what, what?

It was pretty intense, but I'm not worried. I mean, things are happening.

That is so good. Because Sylvia, I mean, you can tell she knows what she's

doing. I've seen her in action.

And she doesn't waste her time. Yeah, I know.

Mr. Jack, are you so excited? I mean, now it's like I can't wait. I mean, you

and the Whitney, me, young Broadway.

What?

Oh, never mind. So when am I going to meet this gentleman?

Well... Wait till you meet her. Yeah, I'm waiting.

Oh, all right.

She's going to be performing over at Cairo this Saturday night, 2 a .m. Why

don't you and Janice come by then? Janice works Saturday. Well, we'll see

you can do.

Oh, how is she, by the way? She's the same, nowhere.

Oh, I've got to run.

Listen, John said you might start work today at this gallery, and she says

be there this afternoon. Might, might.

Uh, hi.

Hi. How are things going?

Good, really good.

Good, good.

How are you doing?

Good, good.

It's funny, I'm pumping into you like this. I fly you. Me, wow, that's because

was on my way to, well, huh?

Yeah, so how's your stomach?

Oh, it's fine, fine, fine.

Oh, this is nothing. I just got a little depressed the other night, but I'm fine

now. Good, good.

I hear Janice just got a call back.

Oh, wow, that's terrific. I really should give her a call back.

My phone got reconnected. Oh, good, good.

Well, maybe... No, because we should.

We really should.

So, for now, take care, and we'll see

each other, you know.

Take care.

I'll see you.

I've got to go. See you.

Maybe I'm junk.

But at least I'm not trash like you!

What? You're all my shit!

You're the most fucking disgusting piece of asshole!

Tell me. I mean, I don't know what to say. I'm just completely... What is your

secret? I mean, tell me. Is it drugs? Crack? Heroin? I don't do junk.

I am junk.

Well, then have you ever studied acting?

Why? Do I seem like an actress?

Well, it's just that you were so good at junk. You've got to act in my play. I

mean, now that it's finished and ready for production.

I mean, you'd be perfect. I mean, one of those situations where actors and

performers merge to the point where it's difficult to distinguish them. The one

from the other... I'm not an actress. I'm a performance artist.

I hate actors.

God. Me too.

No, no, me too. I didn't mean actress in the sense of actress.

Well, what did you mean?

What did you mean? Oh, well, I... What did you mean?

I just meant that, frankly, they made me want to throw up. Tell me. I mean,

they're all so dumb, dumb, dumb.

What about Lawrence Olivier?

What about Lawrence Olivier? Well, I mean, he's good.

Well, he's an actor.

Yes, Ira, but good is not the issue. Good is not the issue. It's like he

go to Yale for four years. Yale? What is he talking about?

No, no. Jesus Christ.

Look, Ira, it's okay to generalize. I mean, it's not like I'm hung up on

specifics. I don't need motivation.

Oh,

fuck. I forgot.

It's bridge and tunnel night. I'm getting out of here.

Everything's going mainstream. God, it's all so depressing. No. God, just look

at the gentrification.

It's downright offensive.

Years ago, I said it's going to happen. No one believed.

Shit. I wish I had been wrong.

I know. There used to be drug addicts and bums every third step. Now they're

policemen. Yuppies are paranoid, so they buy everyone out. God, it's all so New

York magazine.

Oh, God, what is this? This used to be a performance space.

I mean, I performed here, and it was cheap. I mean, I used to hang out here

often. Mike, when did this go up? I mean, when was it taken over?

I don't know. Just look at the menu. What is this?

Calmex. Oh.

Is it Calmex? Yeah, I can kind of get into sombrero funk.

Shit. It's like there's no such thing as a starving artist. To be a starving

artist is to be a passé cliché. To hawk these days, you need license. What about

the Mohawks? They've got them at Scarsdale and the shopping centers. I

what's the point? What's left?

Nothing. Not even the artists. But we're artists. We're left. And me, I'm even

starving. A starving artist.

What is this? The power of positive thinking? No, no. I'm just like you.

Completely negative, really. And I mean that. And just that in a positive sense.

Ira, your reasoning is no way. You've got a way to come.

I can't help thinking of a green.

Oh, God. I'd love to do something surreal.

Jack, could you do me a favor and get me another pack of camels? Sure. No,

that's all right. I'll go.

Get them for her. Whatever you're into.

I think I have a right to know. How did it go?

Shit. What happened?

Shit. I'm moving back to Indiana. I'm going to get married and have kids and

watch everyone I know now become big successes on my TV at home. Wait a

I mean, isn't it possible you're reacting to this one wine audition? It's

tiny bit out of proportion.

But, Janice, it couldn't have been that bad.

Was it really that bad?

Leave me alone.

I was shit halfway through the song. I got all choked up and I started to think

about my life and where I am and what I'm doing. But, look, Janice, I'm the

as you. I mean, there's no value in meaning.

That doesn't mean they're not going to cast you. I just know you're going to be

a star.

But I'm telling you all the same. Jack is a shit. He is not a shit. He's your

friend. Yeah, well, then he's a shitty friend. And he treats you like shit.

That's because I am shit.

Janice, please, stop using that word. You are not that word. I can't believe

think this way about yourself. I don't care.

I'd let Jack do anything.

I love him.

God, I hate New York.

But Janice, Indiana, all they've got there is land.

No, there are people who love me in Indiana. My mother, my father.

Look, look, Ira, I'm sorry. I just can't take it anymore.

Jack hates me. No, no, he doesn't. He loves you. He hates me, and I hate Jack

back. Don't say that. He really loves you. I know it. Really? Really? Really.

All right, no. He's a jerk. Oh, you're a jerk.

All right, have your way. I'm a jerk, but he's a bigger jerk. Well, wasn't I

born beautiful? I mean, you're the most attractive person I've ever known.

Oh, no, I'm not. I'm ugly.

I want you to stay, Jen. Nobody wants me to stay. Stay.

What's he do?

Whenever I dreamt of romance, I never imagined it could ever be so... It was

like poetry.

Byron, I tell you, I have never had a more passionate, rapturous night in all

life. Have you?

No, I don't know.

I wasn't really relaxed.

I kept thinking about this. About that? No.

No, I just came up thinking about, well, all the people that you must have slept

with in the last ten years. I mean, we probably should have had the AIDS test

first. Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

But otherwise, I did enjoy myself.

Johnny, you know, you are really beautiful. Oh, please, please don't.

No, no, no, no, really, yes. I mean, yes. Okay, all right, but please don't

it anymore. You know, I don't know how to deal with it. Well, how did you deal

with it with Jack? Oh, I didn't have to deal with it with him.

Jack's a very critical person, but very honest. He just can't lie. He gave me a

clear assessment of myself, really a much more accurate one than I could have

done. Well, what did he say?

Well, the last time that we made love, he, no, no, you're just going to make

of me. No, no, no, I promise.

Tell me. You can tell me.

He,

he, he said I was improving.

I can't believe this. I just, I just, I can't believe that. I knew I shouldn't

have said anything. No, no, no.

I'm glad you told me. I mean, it makes me think how I could ever have been

friends with such a pompous, egotistical asshole. I mean, this guy thinks he's

got gifts. I mean, perfection.

Ira, he is perfection. That's the thing. I mean, he does everything right. He

never makes a mistake. It's like when he paints a line, it's always so straight.

And it's lovemaking, too. I mean, it's amazing.

It's exact.

We're the ones that aren't special. Believe me, Ira, I've discussed it with

in great detail.

Oh, yeah? Well, what did he say about me?

He likes you.

Yeah, I know. We're best friends. But what did he say?

I told you. I mean, he likes you.

Thinks you're his best friend.

Yeah, well, what did he say? He thought about my play.

Ira, what does it matter?

It matters. I mean, what if I told you Jack said he thought you were a really

bad actor? What? He said that? I didn't say that. I knew it. I didn't say he

said that. I said what if. What? Do you agree?

No, that's not fair.

Oh, God. I know.

I know. I'm sorry.

And, Ira, Jack really did think your play was good.

that this is my once a year day, once a year day. Even got a kiss from you, I

feel like hopping up and down like a kangaroo.

Jumping fences, climbing trees, what pleases me is...

such as my own, maybe find Jack, have a little talk with him. I have no idea

what I'm talking about. And do you know what I found out? You won't believe

this, but I bump into Sylvia. And, you know, Sylvia, his rep, Sylvia. And this

is the killer. She says to me, oh, is Jack still painting?

She said she hasn't had anything to do with him in ages.

Our friend Jack, Mr.

Whitney Biennial, Mr.

I, the artiste, know everything better than you, the philistine.

He's a nobody.

A nobody nobody's ever even heard of.

He knows nothing. I mean, nothing, except, of course, how to take advantage

trusting people like you and me. I mean, what a pathetic, I mean, what a

pathetic shit.

It's because of do -nothing people like Jack that this world, thank you, is

shit. This world is not shit. Please, can we just talk about something else?

Oh. So how was it today?

What?

How was it today?

I'm going back to my waitressing job.

What happened?

Nothing.

Is it the money? No, I just, I prefer waitressing.

I don't like show tunes.

Did I read your play?

Did I?

Ira, I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't have sent it to me.

I was completely blown away.

Really? You liked it?

He liked it. Did I like it? Yes, did I like it? Ira, when I was talking, I

it.

I loved, loved, loved, loved, loved it.

Just like the stuff you wrote in high school, only better.

I don't know what to say.

There was so much truth in it.

Did you think Joseph Papp would want to produce it?

Fuck Joe Papp.

You don't want to do this to the public. No, no, I do.

No, you don't.

They're not into truth. They are not into art. They are not into beauty.

It's all self -promotion and bourgeois pretension.

I'm not going to let them near this.

You're my friend, and I'm going to protect you. Okay.

Here's what you do.

You put it on in someone's loft, okay?

You invite your friends, people of integrity, okay?

No critics. You don't want media attention, do you? Well, definitely not.

no. I just thought maybe a little... Ira, what's more important?

Your art or CBS?

Trust me.

Look at me.

Do you see how depressed I am?

I'm depressed too.

Yeah, but yours is a healthy depression.

The artist's depression.

Mine is the depression that leads into the void. Did you see the article about

me in last week's Arts and Leisure section? No.

Well, in this article, waiting for Kunkel, the critics, they keep comparing

to Beckett.

Okay? A young Beckett. A new Beckett.

American Beckett. Better than Beckett.

I discussed it with Beckett himself.

We've had a long -standing correspondence. You know, I mean, we

mean, there's nothing for it.

I'm commercial, okay?

The world loves me, but they should be loving you.

You are the one who's original.

I mentioned you, by the way, but I never heard of you.

Anyway, we both agree there was only one thing that could save me, and it did,

and just in the nick of time. You want to know what that is?

Huh?

Okay, I'll tell you.

L -O -V -E.

Love.

I have a new girlfriend, Ira, and she is a prize.

I mean, from the angels, a prize.

She is always there, always, and clinging. Ira, clinging.

Ira, she clings to me. My God.

I've got to hand it to you. I don't know how you live without one.

Oh, here she is.

I love you. Come on in. I want you to be my friend. Ira Ellis.

Ira. Sharon. Sharon. Ira.

I saw Sharon doing a mime show. She's very talented. She's a genius at

You should come see her up on the roof when she's practicing time. Really, she

could do that, right? Really, she's incredible. The way with the mime,

Anyway, I saw her doing this show over at the Metropolitan.

And, you know, ever since then, she never had to say a single word, right?

I mean, she knew.

And I knew that this was it.

Yin and yang, right?

Corny? Maybe. But true.

All we need now is if I get a good deal on the movie rights, and, uh, you know,

the play rakes it in, then, you know, and I stay away from the bad stuff.

Right? I mean, you know, no more Jack Daniels. Whoa.

No more Demerol. And, you know, then that's it. We are off.

New Mexico.

The simple life.

Adobe. Do you hear me, Ira?

Adobe.

You don't!

I think it's a miracle.

I mean, it's a miracle if you ever find someone who feels the same way about you

as you do about the other person.

Darling, this is better than a miracle.

Johnny? Johnny?

Don't say a word. Don't say a word.

Sharon, just listen.

But I... Just listen, Sharon.

I am an idiot.

I mean, it's a miracle. I could never have thought I had any brains.

I mean, it's like you go through life just once, and this, this is it.

And all this time, I never saw you. Sharon, you're the one who's just

Well, thank you very much, but I'm late for a toot meeting now, and Donnie's

not here.

I'll take care of Donnie. You just forget about him and come with me. I

He's a loser, no matter what Time magazine says, the New York Times,

Renaissance. And believe me, I know Donnie Kunkel is a loser.

Oh, I know. He's an idiot.

I know, I know. I keep telling him. But success has been just even less for him,

which is why he needs me.

And I need someone who needs me. I understand. I completely relate. I feel

same way. But Sharon, I...

I need you more.

But you've got to forget about before. I mean, before, I was young. I was

foolish, impetuous.

And now as I reflect on that time, I can remember how there had always existed,

deep in the recesses of my mind, a faint glimmer of elusive hope.

Basically, I just didn't know I needed you.

Oh, but... You see? Now come with me. Yeah.

But, wait!

Wait, wait, wait.

Things are different now. Donnie says you're a big success. Are you going to

a big success? Aren't you going to be a big success? No, I'm like $5 ,000

instead. I have to pay for everything, you know? I mean, like now I have to

back in with my parents. I work for my father. I have to face life like

else. I'm finished.

I'm the loser.

The real loser.

But I thought you said Donnie was the loser. Then I'm just on the inside. He's

not like me, an external loser.

You just can't get your mind and expect everything to follow.

I mean, I love you. I really do. And I always have.

But I don't want to be third choice.

I understand you wanted Janice all along. I know I lived with that and that

other girl with the hair.

But I don't know.

I guess I'm just selfish and vain, but I prefer being well.

Well, I prefer being preferred.

I mean, Donnie asked me to marry him, and I'm not even pregnant.

Hey, Ira.

What are you doing?

Not much. You?

The same.

You still living in the same place?

No, I moved. My building went condo.

I'm moving, too.

Oh, where to?

L .A. I got some friends over in Venice.

What about, uh...

Janice. She moved back to Indiana.

Thanks.

You know, I wrote another play.

Great. No, no, no. This time it's completely different. I mean, it's

I mean, it's got a lot of, you know, originality.

You'd really like it. Really.

You want to read it?

Yeah. Okay, because I've got a copy of it with me.

Right now, I can... Not now.

Really? No, no, no. Would you rather I send it to you? No, not now. Not ever.

What's wrong?

Your plays.

I have no fucking patience for them. I hate them. I always have and I always

will. In fact, why you ever bother writing in the first place is a totally

insane mystery to me because your plays are bad.

They suck.

Come on.

Higher, higher. Hold it higher, schmuck. That's it. Not that high, you fucking

idiot. This high.

God damn it, like this. Now watch the wall. Watch the wall. On the left. On

left there's a wall, you fucking moron. On the left there's a wall. Easy, easy,

easy. Both hands. Jesus Christ, don't you understand? England's both fucking

hands. I swear to God. I swear to God, if you fuck this up, this time I'm going

to kill you. I swear. Now come on, watch it. Watch the railing. There's a

railing. Don't you see the railing? Watch this step. Watch.

Dear Ira Ellis, keep on writing.

Samuel Beckett.

Thank you.

Look at me, babe, and sigh.

You're gonna love me the rest of your days. I can see it in your eyes. I can

see it in your gaze. So, hey, you don't have to be shy.

You can call me I.

Look in my heart and you'll see a neat kind of guy.

Over, it's over in so many ways.

Here's what I'm saying, look in my heart and you'll see a neat kind of guy.

Now, now I'm saying farewell to this

girl who doesn't feel well.

Her name is Sharon and she is so nice, but she ain't got any sugar and she

ain't got any spice. So hey, you don't have to be shy.

You can call me.

I'll just look in my heart and you'll see I need kind of guy.

And I'll hide in so many ways.

Here's what I'm saying. Look in my heart and you'll see a neat kind of guy.

Hey, you don't have to be shy.

You can call me.

Just look in my heart and you'll see any kind of guy.

Any kind of guy.

Any kind of guy.

Any kind of guy.

Any kind of guy. Any kind of guy. Really,

really, really need all those.