All language subtitles for fear.anxiety.and.depression_1989_vhsrip.xvid

Dear Samuel Beckett, I have always been
a great admirer of yours.

Waiting for Godot was my favorite 20th
century play, and I have treasured it

ever since I first read it when I was
17.

13.

Every day when I awake, I ask myself,
what am I waiting for?

Although I do not think that I
personally am waiting for Godot, I do

very good friends who are.

The reason I am writing to you is
twofold.

One, to inform you of my particular
respect for your work and the uncanny

kinship I feel it shares with mine, and
two, to see if you would like to read my

most recently completed play, Despair,
and then perhaps meet to discuss a

potential future collaboration.

I look forward to hearing from you
shortly.

Hoping your next play's a hit.

Sincerely, Ira Ellis.

I see a spot over there, over there on
the right.

Right in front of your seat, you fucking
idiot. Coming up on the right. Right

there, right there. It's fucked right
deep. Just pass it.

Back up. Will you back up? Back up now.
Hurry up. We're going to lose a spot.

Will you hurry up? Back up quick, you
little prick. Back it up.

Jeez, what the fuck do you do right?
Anything?

I can't believe it. I got fucking luck.
I could kill him. I could kill him.

Unbelievable. I get no luck.

Ira, the poles. We don't do poles. We do
glass.

Come on, over here. Move it.

Come on. I got a schedule. Got a
schedule.

Got a lot of steps to make, a lot of
people to see. Let's go. You put a brake

that, I'll put a brake in you. I swear
to God.

Lift it up. Lift it up. What the fuck
are you doing?

If you shorten out on the pages. No, no.
But because I can make it longer. No,

don't. Then what is it? Well, it's just
that all that dialogue about life and

death. I mean, life, death, it's just so
depressing.

But what's depressing is good.

Right, Jack? Look, Ira, if you want to
be an artist, you have to suffer. Yeah,

know, I know, and I suffer a lot.

You have to be independent -minded.

Do what you think is right, not what
others think. I know, I... I don't worry

about these things. When my paintings
hang in the Whitney Biennial, it's going

to be because they're fresh, unique, and
iconoclastic.

So what do you think?

Should I quit my job and spend every
penny I've got and put it all into a

showcase production of my play, or not?

I think... Yes, but... But what is it?
Not enough truth in the play? Not enough

iconoclasm? Can't you write a part in it
for Janet?

Gee, Jack, I don't know. I mean, just
because she's your girlfriend, I mean, I

don't know if that's really fair to me.
I mean, it really would upset the

artistic sense of balance that's so hard
to achieve, don't you think?

No. Really?

Fuck. She takes so many acting classes
and still she never gets cast. She never

gets a call back. No, I know. I feel so
sorry for her.

Well, either you've got it or you don't.
She is just utterly... I can't almost.

Gosh, what a shame, because she really
is pretty.

No, she's not.

No? Don't worry, Harry. You'll find
someone pretty.

Life. Life.

Life.

Death.

Death.

Death.

Death.

Death.

Life.

Life.

Life.

Eternity.

Eternity. Eternity.

Well,

I thought it was excellent.

I thought it was deep and very
sensitive, too.

Really, Ma? Because I really thought I
was getting at something very personal.

Oh, it was personal, what that young man
had to say about life and death.

At the same time, a little not so
personal. I mean, that young man.

with the violence, with the parents,
with the pain. It was so tragic. No, no,

no, no.

No, not you. I mean, you are. You are
nothing like that character.

How long did it take you to write it?
Almost a year. It was very difficult.

I can imagine.

This should take care of February. I
don't need money.

That's all right. Take it from me,
please. Mama, leave me alone.

What? There's nothing to tell. I'm not
taking any money. I'm my own person.

Right, right, right. You're right, Ira.

You are your own person. Absolutely.

I'm with you all the way on that. You
shouldn't be taking money from us.

But for now, Ira, do your mother a
favor.

Make her happy.

Take the money.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I was just going to call you.

Where have I been? Where have you been?
I told you right after I finished up

with my parents, we'll meet by the
entrance. I distinctly remember. Right

by the entrance. No, no, no. I said
here.

Well, how was I supposed to know? I hear
you mentioned your... You didn't

actually pay, did you? Shit, I never pay
at one of these places. It's such a rip

-off. Where is everyone else? I don't
know, but Janice got an extra long work

shift tonight. Her boss is a complete
asshole.

Well, what about Nick and Nadia? Oh,
they left a while ago. And Phoebe?

You're a cab home with your actor.
What's his name? What about that girl I

you sitting next to on the aisle? The
one with the, you know... Yeah, Floresa.

That's the one. I don't know, but I saw
her take off with Paco.

But, you know, Sharon's here.

Oh, God, where?

I don't know, but she was looking for
you.

How does she look?

Well, that's hard to say. You know, it's
all relative, but I do know she really

liked your play. I mean, she couldn't
stop breathing about it. Oh, I know. Was

my play really that bad?

I told you before, it was good. It was
very post -Beckett, Ionesco, et cetera.

You know, but without the regressive
imagery, very anti -visual, of course.

directorial choices were sometimes a tad
questionable, but the play was very

good. It was a solid piece of work.

Oh, solid.

Good.

Solid. It was very good.

Thanks, Scott.

Hi, Sharon.

I was getting nervous you wouldn't show
up. I must have eaten a hundred peanuts

at the bar.

Oh, I'm sorry, but my parents... Oh, I
know.

Now let's go boogie.

Ever since I met your baby, got my head
in the clouds.

Every time I kiss you, I lift off the
ground.

My friends say that...

Stick around.

Well, he was very good. A solid piece of
wood.

A solid piece of wood. A solid piece of
wood.

Solid. Solid.

Solid. Solid.

Closer. Closer.

Closer.

Despair. A deceptively intelligent
playwright by newcomer Ira Ellis tells

of the puerile story of a mentally
repressed psychotic who went

The homophobic Mr. Ellis has attempted
to sublimate his own abnormal neuroses

into a work of art. What a mistake.

What is embarrassing to sit through this
confessional drama which reveals so

much about the personal life of Mr.
Ellis.

A playwright whose own obvious sexual
impotence only magnifies his retungent

narcissism. A playwright who moreover
displays no sign of promise.

Certainly no potential.

And no talent.

Yuck!

Death, death, death, moans the play's
protagonist.

Enough, enough, enough.

Oh, Jack, do you think a lot of people
read those reviews?

Gee, they were a little harsh. Harsh?

Oh, my God, they were... They were acid.

Scalding. I mean, if I got a review like
that, I'd just kill myself.

No, that's not true. I'd just probably
die to get my name printed anywhere.

Maybe we should write a letter to the
editor. Are you kidding? This is the

village voice. We'd look like total
fools.

Is there anything we can do for him?
What are we doing right now? Oh, but I

more. I think we can keep on the cart.
We can tell him that no matter what

anyone says, he is talented.

Yeah, right.

Oh, my God. Jack, Jack, get rid of the
voice. And remember, remember, fun.

Ira. Ira.

Nice to meet you.

So, Ira.

Have you seen the new Beckett play over
at La Mama?

I hear it's got nothing but rage. Jack,
why don't you tell Ira about how Sylvie

thinks you're going to be the new
Matisse? No, no, no.

I'm sorry. No, no, please. Go ahead.

Well, I was just going to say that Ira
told me you were an actress, and I was

wondering if there was anything I might
have seen you in, because I watch a lot

of TV.

Well, gee, I don't know.

I'm kind of a serious actress.

Yeah, I study a lot. Uh -huh.

You think I made a good impression?

I try not to talk much and say anything
really stupid.

Oh, God, I hope I didn't blow it by
eating like a pig.

Do my hands still feel greasy?

No. Feel them here.

They're fine. They'll feel them. They
are fine. Please feel them. Fine.

I told Janice I was thinking about
pursuing a career in mine, and she said

thought it was a good idea for me. Oh,

I hope so.

Oh, I know how you must feel, but, you
know, you really shouldn't let those

critics upset you so much, really.
They're only human.

I mean, I feel for you.

I do. I mean, I never told you, but I
was abused. My father, he was an

child molester, and a couple of times
when I was really little, he... Well,

in jail now, but I survived.

I... I survived.

Survival, Ira.

Survival is the key. Remember, you're an
artist, and if you want to be an

artist, you have to suffer.

All great artists suffer, starve, and
live miserable lives, and you, Ira, will

yet be a great artist.

All right.

It was high school Beckett, mixed with
teenage angst, only shallow and lacking

point of view, like everything he
writes, Janice. And you know how I feel

Ira? He's my best friend. I think he's a
really good and intelligent person. I

mean, hell, I love the guy. He's a real
card, but his work is entirely

derivative. Even the title, Despair, I
mean, it's right out of Nabokov.

Look, I went to Yale.

Believe me.

I know. I wish I didn't, but I do. It's
a pretentious, naive, boring final.

I just can't lie.

Oh, my God. Poor Ira.

She's so nice.

Yeah, but if you want to be an artist,
nice is not enough. Oh, I know, I know,

but still.

How was the acting?

Well, actually, the actors were really
very good. You know, I heard there was

agent in the audience who signed up all
three immediately.

Oh. Oh, no, it's probably just that guy.

He says he's an agent. He's really so
sleazy from Times Square to Mordo. No,

really, it was the lady from William
Morris.

What a shame. It would have been such an
opportunity for Ira to hold him at

Bridenstone in camp, Deason.

Have you told him what you think?

Jesus, no.

It would kill him.

And it's so frustrating because I myself
am intimate with so many important

theater people from way back when.

But how's that going to help him?

He needs talent, right?

Mom, Dad, no, I know the review is
disappointing, but please listen to me.

It's not a good time to cut me off like
this, really.

So just think about it a little bit
more, and remember, I'm your only son. I

mean, you don't want me to starve, do
you?

But, Ira, they said that you said we
were your parents for me.

Stupid. I know what they said, but it's
not true. That's not what I meant at

all. The play had nothing to do with
you. It was anti -visual.

Sam, are you listening?

What? Has he changed his mind? Is he
going to start working for me? Sam,

Look, Ira, I believe you. But I want you
to come home. I think it's important

that you understand that there's nothing
wrong with living with your parents.

And there's nothing wrong with string.

Start at the bottom in the factory.

In 20 years or less, if you put your
mind to it, you could be where I am.

Then if you want to write another play,
go ahead and write one.

Satani Kanko. What are you doing here?

What am I doing? What are you doing
here? What am I doing? I'm doing great.

great, great. Oh, hi, this is Sheila.

Oh, hi.

Oh, that's great.

So what are you doing?

What am I doing? I'm making money, you
know. I got my own recording studio now.

Oh, how great.

Yeah, I miss Sheila, you know.

Oh, great.

Oh, you know, a funny thing. You're not
still writing plays, are you? Well,

actually, I sort of... Because a funny
thing happened to me about a year ago.

I was going out with Molly Ringwald's
sister to the opening of the Sam

play, and you're not going to believe
this, but all of a sudden, it was

I fell in love with the theater.

How do you like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I go home that night, okay, and I

start writing. And I'm writing and I'm
writing and I'm writing and writing.

Next thing you know, two weeks go by, I
finish my first play.

So, now I don't want to brag or anything
because you know how much I hate

braggarts, but I mean it's like, it's
coming down in buckets.

I don't know what the hell to do.

You know, God, I listen so obnoxiously.
Oh, no, no.

Really? Well, then maybe you heard about
it because they're putting my play on

down at the public.

Great. Bob Duvall wants to do it.

But, I mean, I don't know. I mean, you
know, Bobby do. He's good. But, I mean,

he's just a little too self -conscious
of just how good he is.

You know what I mean?

Ira! Ira, your father's parking the car.
Did you get the tickets yet?

Mom, this is Donnie Kunkel. Maybe you
remember from high school.

Oh, look.

Of course I remember him. Good to see
you, Mrs. Ellis. You look great.

Yes, and so do you. Oh, thanks.

Oh, this is Sheila.

Hi, Sheila. Nice meeting you.

So what are you two going to see?

Broadway bands, I hope, although I'm
dying to see Darlene's back. Uh -huh. I

heard. There's a great new musical
comedy about the life of Helen of Troy.

Helen? Wow, I can't believe it. That's
the show that my studio just finished

recording the album on.

You're kidding.

No, I'm not kidding.

In fact, why don't I wait right now to
do some promo work for it?

Ah, wait till I tell Sam.

He always said you were the gifted
child.

Jesus Christ, Ira, what are you doing
here?

How can you even sit through something
so commercial?

You think Beckett would? And with his
parents?

Get out of there. Go home and write.

Write. Write that truly great work of
art.

Excuse me.

Yeah?

Oh, um, could I have, um, uh, one, uh,
copy, please?

There's a 50 cent mint.

Oh, then, uh, uh, make that, uh, two.

Yeah, uh, uh, two, two copies, men.

Oh, thanks. Uh, say, uh, didn't I see
you at, uh, at, uh... Palladium the

night? I don't know.

Did you?

Yeah, I think so, and I was very
impressed.

What are you trying to do, pick me up or
something?

Ira, I love you.

I love you more and more.

Every time I dream, you're the one I
dream of evermore.

Ira, you know that you're so special.

special person.

You think so?

Yeah, yeah. I did used to be a pole
popper. Gee, I mean, that's so... Yeah,

well... What a difficult adolescent.

Yeah, I don't know. I got used to it.

Well, not to change the subject or
anything, but Sharon... Did I tell you I

started drawing a picture of you?

Oh, no, no.

Like I said, Sharon, you're a very
special person.

Thanks, I... I just wish I was at least
smart like you.

You're smart.

No, really, I'm not.

And I'm so scared.

My days at the Martha Washington Hotel
are numbered.

I owe them $800, and I was just given
two weeks' notice at work.

I have no skills. I have no experience.

Well, actually, I do have experience,
but it's the wrong color.

I called my mother in Pennsylvania.

I haven't spoken to her in three years.

She told me she's got cancer.

Gee. She's disinheriting me. Do you need
any money?

No, no, I'm all right.

What do you think you'll do?

I don't know.

I just joined a mind troupe.

Listen, Sharon.

They say love is a strange and wonderful
thing.

I personally think it's a miracle.

I mean, it's a miracle if you ever...

someone who feels the same way about you
as you do about the other person.

Sharon,

this is not a miracle.

doing a lot of experimental work lately.

Uh -huh. You see, these are acrylic, but
all the rest are oil. Yeah.

I mean, I was going after a very
synthetic quality here. Uh -huh. Right.

this is supposed to be an homage to
Jasper Johns. I know it's a little anti

-abstract, but I thought he'd approve.

Don't you have anything with a little
dimension?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

No, look over here, Sylvia. See? This
one here has a hammer.

A hammer.

Yeah, right.

Listen, Jack,

I hate to have to be honest with you,
but as your rep and as your friend, I

have to tell you, everything is just
so... I don't know.

That hammer, Jack, it's so cliche.

I mean, when I spoke to you on the phone
last week, I was excited. I thought,

maybe now, at last.

Is that a breakthrough?

Post -modern, neo -geo, I don't know
what, but... No.

Your work is still... I'm sorry, Jack.

So, does this mean forget the Whitney
Biennial?

Oh, hi.

You work over at the Xerox store?

Yeah.

I thought I'd seen you before. Yeah, I
knew it.

Who are you? I'm the writer. I go there
a lot. I do a lot of Xerox. Oh, well, I

don't work there anymore.

Really, what happened?

Fuck. What?

What? Christ, I don't know. They're all
assholes, you know?

I know, I know. I mean, please, they're
all from NYJU, totally hetero, into

careers. I just can't take it anymore.

They fired you?

Obviously.

Yeah. Fuck.

Fuck, yeah.

So, what are you looking for?

The Rock Hudson bio.

Oh, Rock Hudson. A very underrated
actor.

Are you by any chance studying acting?

No, it's from my friend Robin. He's got
AIDS.

Oh.

It's impressive.

I know. And he used to be my boyfriend.

You should be more careful.

I know. It's like all my boyfriends have
been gay.

Oh. Except for Robin.

Yeah.

He and I used to share syringes.

Huh. What?

It's not like I'm infected or anything.

I mean, like I take precautions.

I've been tested.

I am HIV negative.

Do you have a boyfriend now?

That's a very personal question.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean it personally.

Yeah, well, like, I mean, I don't even
know who you are. I mean, I've been

before. I know what it's like. I know
the mentality.

Well, I'm sorry.

It's just that I meant, well, I mean,
aren't you a little afraid? I mean,

AIDS.

Fuck it. I live downtown.

If it hits, it hits.

God, I hate it in there. I mean, I know
they're so used, but still, it's so

mainstream.

Fuck, what time is it? I've got to go to
St. Vincent's now. You know, like the

visiting hours from two to four only
situation?

Want to come?

Robin's cool, and normally he's very
attractive.

I can't. I'd really like to, but I was
wondering, would you like to come with

to a movie sometime?

What? Well, I just thought, well, maybe
you and I could go to... Oh, God, what's

today? Fuck!

I almost forgot. There's supposed to be
this really intense Chilean film over at

the Gay Film Festival. I read all about
the director and film threat. He's a

fetishist genius.

Call me.

9827586.

I'm so excited. I mean, I know it's got
a few race marks, but so far everyone I

show it to doesn't hate it.

It's such a good feeling.

I mean, not that I'm saying I show any
promise or anything.

I mean, I told everyone after all it was
your idea. My idea?

Yeah, you know, the way you talk about
love and miracles and commitment.

Not that I ever talked about
commitments.

I know, but I'm getting desperate. You
don't know. They're throwing me out into

the street on Friday.

I need your help. I mean, I need you.

I mean, can I move in?

Sharon.

Sharon, I think we should stop seeing
each other.

Oh. Sharon, I love you. I really do. And
I want to help you in any way I can.

But I think if our relationship is to
grow, we have to slow down a bit.

Stop seeing each other for good.

It hurts me so much having to say this,
but basically, I just want to be your

friend.

But you don't want to see me?

Or talk to you, right?

You must hate me.

Sharon, no, I love you. You're seeing
someone else. Sharon, you are very

paranoid. I hate you!

Can't we work things out?

Sharon, I think it's best if for now,
cut, dry, clean,

over.

My name is Ira. I'm the one who met you
today in the bookstore.

Yeah? Well, you suggested I should call
you, and

I just happened to remember your phone
number, so, well, now I'm...

Calling you.

Now, what do you want?

Well, actually... Yeah?

Well, I was wondering. You said you
wanted to see this film.

And I thought, well, maybe we meet at 8
and go. I mean, maybe go

to restaurants afterwards.

I can't.

I'm busy.

Oh. Uh, yeah, um, well, um, how about,
um... Never mind.

Midnight's fine, but fuck Eden.

I'm too broke.

Oh, great, great, great, great.

That is so great. Well, then we'll leave
in front of the theater. I just want to

confirm everything.

What, are you weird or something?

Uh, no, I just wanted to know for sure
if...

Hello?

Junk? Junk? Is that you, Junk? Is
anything the matter?

Hi, it's Sharon. I have to talk to you.

Oh, Sharon, hi.

How are you?

Oh, great.

Really great.

Oh.

You writing?

Writing, yeah.

That's what I'm doing.

Writing, yeah. Oh, that's good.

Can I come over right now?

I'd like you to come over. I mean, you
should, after what a day we had. But,

know, unfortunately, like you said,
now... Oh, of course, you're busy

writing. Yeah, yeah.

Good, good.

No, that's good, good.

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Well, um... Goodbye. Have a really nice
evening.

And you too, Sharon. Have a really nice
evening.

It's going to be old.

Quit me out!

Oh, uh, hey, uh, Donnie.

Fuck, this is really getting freaky.
What are you doing out here?

Oh, nothing, just, uh, hanging out,
meeting someone, some, some girl.

Oh, really? Well, maybe when she gets
here, you'd like to join Kim and me. Oh,

Kim, come here.

This is my friend Ira. Ira, this is Jim.
We got extra tickets to the Hunger

Benefit over at Limelight. Is Thomas
going to be there?

No, no, I don't think so. I mean, you
know... All right, well, listen. If you

change your mind, I'll be over at the
Odeon. Let me know, all right?

If not, better still, call me, because I
want to talk theater with you. I mean,

we just stopped, you know?

Playwright to playwright. Really, I mean
that. I will, yeah.

You mean it? I mean it. Oh, shit, I'm
late. I got to go. Bobby Duvall, please

call me.

Max! Now, really, I mean it. Bobby!

Dear I, thank you so much for coming. It
means so much to me. I realize I have

no value in your eyes, being neither
smart nor attractive nor fun to be with.

I am grateful, therefore, for the little
things in life that you have given me.

Your soft caresses, your sweet smile.

These will always remain a precious
memory for me.

But now it is time for me to go.

I'm sorry, but I have no choice.

I will always love you and watch over
you from my place in heaven.

I love you, Sharon.

Here, drink this. Drink, drink, drink
this.

Stay awake.

Here, drink, drink.

Drink this.

What do you need? What do you need?

What does it say?

One a day... Keep the doctor a...

Away! Damn it!

But, Doctor, who could have made her do
such a thing? Poor girl. She must have

been very unhappy.

Doctor, do you think she's going to pull
through? I'm afraid that'll be up to

our patient.

Well, young lady, what do you have to
say for yourself?

Are you sorry?

Are you going to pull through for us or
not?

Dear Sharon, a poem.

How happy I was to see the doctor save
you.

But then how sad I was to realize how I
behaved to you.

And so I stopped and pondered. A leaf.

A bird.

To a card game I wandered.

I placed in third.

And then I started writing.

Thoughts of you at my side.

Beauty is my guiding force.

Jack and Janet say hi.

Get well soon.

Love, I.

Gee, how have you been?

I'm sorry, I guess I must have missed
you the other night. I was so crowded.

What? Oh, yeah, I didn't show up.
Listen, can you return this for me? Oh,

no problem.

Robin didn't like it?

No, he fell into a coma.

A coma.

God, that's like the threshold of... I
mean, like right there, square in the

middle between life and...

Do you think you'll get better? I mean,
like, maybe pull out of it?

He used to sing with me.

Oh, you're a singer?

Well, I used to be with this band.

Well, I know some bands.

Who do you know?

Well, I used to, but I lost touch.

But I do know some people.

Have you ever heard of Tommy Gestapo?

You know Tommy Gestapo?

Well, we were college roommates first
week freshman year.

Whoa, you know he was one of the
original dopes?

Were you ever one of the dope?

No, I used to be with the dopeheads, but
then I had this tiff, so I started the

junkies. And now, of course, I'm just
junk.

Junk.

I'm a new kind of guy.

Look at me, babe, and sigh.

You're gonna love me the rest of your
days. I can see it in your eyes. I can

see it in your gaze. So, hey, you don't
have to be shy.

You can call me I.

Just look in my heart and you'll see.

A neat kind of guy.

I'll burn.

So burn.

So many ways.

Here's what I'm saying. Look in my heart
and you'll see.

A neat kind of guy.

Now, now I'm saying farewell to this
girl who

doesn't feel well.

Her name is Sharon and she is so nice,
but she ain't got any sugar and

she ain't got any spice, so hey.

Fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Please, make yourself at home.

How much do you pay rent for this place?

Well, I can't really afford it now, but
when I could, well, it was cheap, and I

got a pretty good deal, I think, so...
What, less than 300?

Well, actually... 400?

It doesn't matter.

Fuck.

Do you want some tea?

Is it herbal?

No.

I mean, yes.

No, no, I mean no, no, no.

Good. I hate anything natural.

Gee, it must be very upsetting and a
real shock to have a friend fall into a

coma. Yeah, comas.

It's sort of like being in a mall.

Are you from the suburbs?

Fuck. Living in suburbia was such a
degrading experience.

I mean, like, I just had to wear a
dress.

What? This is Naugahyde. And besides,
it's not like I have to wear it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, no, I... You don't have
to stare.

Here, you want to feel?

Well, I... You can feel some more if you
want. You don't have to be so

repressed. Well, thanks. I really like
Naugahyde.

Why? Are you into S &M or something?

No, no, no, no.

Because I find pain very erotic. All of
my sexual fantasies involve, you

know, castration and all.

Are you gay?

What do you mean, are you gay? I'm
making a pass at you.

Yeah, well, I don't know. It's hard to
tell. I mean, I just assumed you were. I

mean, being into theater and all. I'm
not into theater. I write plays.

Look, I've lived on Christopher Street.
I just want to make sure.

You want to make sure? You're the one
with a gay boyfriend.

Well, maybe you're using me to get to
them. Or maybe you're just sublimating

your subconscious homoerotic impulses.

Look, Ira, homosexuality is a valid
choice.

God, I'd be ashamed if I felt ashamed.

Well, I'm not ashamed. Good.

But I'm also not gay, you realize. Well,
I'm not sure Gore Vidal would agree,

but fuck, I mean, I really don't care.

Well, good.

I guess.

Oh, God, this is getting too weird.
Let's just fuck some other time. Wait a

second. When exactly?

Oh, I'm sorry, Jack. I really am.

I thought I could hype them into it.
Give them some ecstasy. Show them your

slides. But I was wrong.

The biennial committee this year is just
so... Oh, I don't know.

Maybe it's my fault.

Maybe I'm just not as good a rep as I
thought I was.

I mean, look at Julian Schnabel.

Look at Cindy Sherman. I mean, my God,
really.

What about just getting me into the
group show over at Pat Hearn? Jack, no,

can't. I just, I can't push you anymore.
I run out of hype.

Your work just isn't... working and...
What?

I had an offer yesterday from the Met.

Howard. You know my friend Howard.

He wants me to curate the Spring Ming
Dynasty show.

But Sylvia, what am I going to do?

I don't know.

But you've got to understand.

I was talking to Viva just last week and
we were both saying these days it's

really not the same. I mean...

Now that Andy's dead and all.

Oh!

Jake!

Jake! Jake!

What? I've been looking all over for
you. I almost went to the Met. Oh, God,

won't believe what happened.

What? That girl I told you about,
remember?

Junk, junk, remember?

Get laid?

Get laid?

Not yet. But I tell you, this coming
weekend...

Like never in my life have I known.
That's a sure thing. But now I got up

morning and I wrote like I never wrote.
I wrote and finished.

Forget about it. Oh, my God, we are
talking.

I've got a truly great work of art on my
hands. I just know it. I mean, it's got

the meaning and the dimension and the
poetry, the whole thing. But integrate

so that it forms a whole.

It can't lose. My life is set.

Where do you go? I don't got.

So what's up with you? I mean, what's
going to happen with Sylvia?

Well... What, what, what?

It was pretty intense, but I'm not
worried. I mean, things are happening.

That is so good. Because Sylvia, I mean,
you can tell she knows what she's

doing. I've seen her in action.

And she doesn't waste her time. Yeah, I
know.

Mr. Jack, are you so excited? I mean,
now it's like I can't wait. I mean, you

and the Whitney, me, young Broadway.

What?

Oh, never mind. So when am I going to
meet this gentleman?

Well... Wait till you meet her. Yeah,
I'm waiting.

Oh, all right.

She's going to be performing over at
Cairo this Saturday night, 2 a .m. Why

don't you and Janice come by then?
Janice works Saturday. Well, we'll see

you can do.

Oh, how is she, by the way? She's the
same, nowhere.

Oh, I've got to run.

Listen, John said you might start work
today at this gallery, and she says

be there this afternoon. Might, might.

Uh, hi.

Hi. How are things going?

Good, really good.

Good, good.

How are you doing?

Good, good.

It's funny, I'm pumping into you like
this. I fly you. Me, wow, that's because

was on my way to, well, huh?

Yeah, so how's your stomach?

Oh, it's fine, fine, fine.

Oh, this is nothing. I just got a little
depressed the other night, but I'm fine

now. Good, good.

I hear Janice just got a call back.

Oh, wow, that's terrific. I really
should give her a call back.

My phone got reconnected. Oh, good,
good.

Well, maybe... No, because we should.

We really should.

So, for now, take care, and we'll see

each other, you know.

Take care.

I'll see you.

I've got to go. See you.

Maybe I'm junk.

But at least I'm not trash like you!

What? You're all my shit!

You're the most fucking disgusting piece
of asshole!

Tell me. I mean, I don't know what to
say. I'm just completely... What is your

secret? I mean, tell me. Is it drugs?
Crack? Heroin? I don't do junk.

I am junk.

Well, then have you ever studied acting?

Why? Do I seem like an actress?

Well, it's just that you were so good at
junk. You've got to act in my play. I

mean, now that it's finished and ready
for production.

I mean, you'd be perfect. I mean, one of
those situations where actors and

performers merge to the point where it's
difficult to distinguish them. The one

from the other... I'm not an actress.
I'm a performance artist.

I hate actors.

God. Me too.

No, no, me too. I didn't mean actress in
the sense of actress.

Well, what did you mean?

What did you mean? Oh, well, I... What
did you mean?

I just meant that, frankly, they made me
want to throw up. Tell me. I mean,

they're all so dumb, dumb, dumb.

What about Lawrence Olivier?

What about Lawrence Olivier? Well, I
mean, he's good.

Well, he's an actor.

Yes, Ira, but good is not the issue.
Good is not the issue. It's like he

go to Yale for four years. Yale? What is
he talking about?

No, no. Jesus Christ.

Look, Ira, it's okay to generalize. I
mean, it's not like I'm hung up on

specifics. I don't need motivation.

Oh,

fuck. I forgot.

It's bridge and tunnel night. I'm
getting out of here.

Everything's going mainstream. God, it's
all so depressing. No. God, just look

at the gentrification.

It's downright offensive.

Years ago, I said it's going to happen.
No one believed.

Shit. I wish I had been wrong.

I know. There used to be drug addicts
and bums every third step. Now they're

policemen. Yuppies are paranoid, so they
buy everyone out. God, it's all so New

York magazine.

Oh, God, what is this? This used to be a
performance space.

I mean, I performed here, and it was
cheap. I mean, I used to hang out here

often. Mike, when did this go up? I
mean, when was it taken over?

I don't know. Just look at the menu.
What is this?

Calmex. Oh.

Is it Calmex? Yeah, I can kind of get
into sombrero funk.

Shit. It's like there's no such thing as
a starving artist. To be a starving

artist is to be a passé cliché. To hawk
these days, you need license. What about

the Mohawks? They've got them at
Scarsdale and the shopping centers. I

what's the point? What's left?

Nothing. Not even the artists. But we're
artists. We're left. And me, I'm even

starving. A starving artist.

What is this? The power of positive
thinking? No, no. I'm just like you.

Completely negative, really. And I mean
that. And just that in a positive sense.

Ira, your reasoning is no way. You've
got a way to come.

I can't help thinking of a green.

Oh, God. I'd love to do something
surreal.

Jack, could you do me a favor and get me
another pack of camels? Sure. No,

that's all right. I'll go.

Get them for her. Whatever you're into.

I think I have a right to know. How did
it go?

Shit. What happened?

Shit. I'm moving back to Indiana. I'm
going to get married and have kids and

watch everyone I know now become big
successes on my TV at home. Wait a

I mean, isn't it possible you're
reacting to this one wine audition? It's

tiny bit out of proportion.

But, Janice, it couldn't have been that
bad.

Was it really that bad?

Leave me alone.

I was shit halfway through the song. I
got all choked up and I started to think

about my life and where I am and what
I'm doing. But, look, Janice, I'm the

as you. I mean, there's no value in
meaning.

That doesn't mean they're not going to
cast you. I just know you're going to be

a star.

But I'm telling you all the same. Jack
is a shit. He is not a shit. He's your

friend. Yeah, well, then he's a shitty
friend. And he treats you like shit.

That's because I am shit.

Janice, please, stop using that word.
You are not that word. I can't believe

think this way about yourself. I don't
care.

I'd let Jack do anything.

I love him.

God, I hate New York.

But Janice, Indiana, all they've got
there is land.

No, there are people who love me in
Indiana. My mother, my father.

Look, look, Ira, I'm sorry. I just can't
take it anymore.

Jack hates me. No, no, he doesn't. He
loves you. He hates me, and I hate Jack

back. Don't say that. He really loves
you. I know it. Really? Really? Really.

All right, no. He's a jerk. Oh, you're a
jerk.

All right, have your way. I'm a jerk,
but he's a bigger jerk. Well, wasn't I

born beautiful? I mean, you're the most
attractive person I've ever known.

Oh, no, I'm not. I'm ugly.

I want you to stay, Jen. Nobody wants me
to stay. Stay.

What's he do?

Whenever I dreamt of romance, I never
imagined it could ever be so... It was

like poetry.

Byron, I tell you, I have never had a
more passionate, rapturous night in all

life. Have you?

No, I don't know.

I wasn't really relaxed.

I kept thinking about this. About that?
No.

No, I just came up thinking about, well,
all the people that you must have slept

with in the last ten years. I mean, we
probably should have had the AIDS test

first. Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

But otherwise, I did enjoy myself.

Johnny, you know, you are really
beautiful. Oh, please, please don't.

No, no, no, no, really, yes. I mean,
yes. Okay, all right, but please don't

it anymore. You know, I don't know how
to deal with it. Well, how did you deal

with it with Jack? Oh, I didn't have to
deal with it with him.

Jack's a very critical person, but very
honest. He just can't lie. He gave me a

clear assessment of myself, really a
much more accurate one than I could have

done. Well, what did he say?

Well, the last time that we made love,
he, no, no, you're just going to make

of me. No, no, no, I promise.

Tell me. You can tell me.

He,

he, he said I was improving.

I can't believe this. I just, I just, I
can't believe that. I knew I shouldn't

have said anything. No, no, no.

I'm glad you told me. I mean, it makes
me think how I could ever have been

friends with such a pompous, egotistical
asshole. I mean, this guy thinks he's

got gifts. I mean, perfection.

Ira, he is perfection. That's the thing.
I mean, he does everything right. He

never makes a mistake. It's like when he
paints a line, it's always so straight.

And it's lovemaking, too. I mean, it's
amazing.

It's exact.

We're the ones that aren't special.
Believe me, Ira, I've discussed it with

in great detail.

Oh, yeah? Well, what did he say about
me?

He likes you.

Yeah, I know. We're best friends. But
what did he say?

I told you. I mean, he likes you.

Thinks you're his best friend.

Yeah, well, what did he say? He thought
about my play.

Ira, what does it matter?

It matters. I mean, what if I told you
Jack said he thought you were a really

bad actor? What? He said that? I didn't
say that. I knew it. I didn't say he

said that. I said what if. What? Do you
agree?

No, that's not fair.

Oh, God. I know.

I know. I'm sorry.

And, Ira, Jack really did think your
play was good.

that this is my once a year day, once a
year day. Even got a kiss from you, I

feel like hopping up and down like a
kangaroo.

Jumping fences, climbing trees, what
pleases me is...

such as my own, maybe find Jack, have a
little talk with him. I have no idea

what I'm talking about. And do you know
what I found out? You won't believe

this, but I bump into Sylvia. And, you
know, Sylvia, his rep, Sylvia. And this

is the killer. She says to me, oh, is
Jack still painting?

She said she hasn't had anything to do
with him in ages.

Our friend Jack, Mr.

Whitney Biennial, Mr.

I, the artiste, know everything better
than you, the philistine.

He's a nobody.

A nobody nobody's ever even heard of.

He knows nothing. I mean, nothing,
except, of course, how to take advantage

trusting people like you and me. I mean,
what a pathetic, I mean, what a

pathetic shit.

It's because of do -nothing people like
Jack that this world, thank you, is

shit. This world is not shit. Please,
can we just talk about something else?

Oh. So how was it today?

What?

How was it today?

I'm going back to my waitressing job.

What happened?

Nothing.

Is it the money? No, I just, I prefer
waitressing.

I don't like show tunes.

Did I read your play?

Did I?

Ira, I don't know what I would have done
if you hadn't have sent it to me.

I was completely blown away.

Really? You liked it?

He liked it. Did I like it? Yes, did I
like it? Ira, when I was talking, I

it.

I loved, loved, loved, loved, loved it.

Just like the stuff you wrote in high
school, only better.

I don't know what to say.

There was so much truth in it.

Did you think Joseph Papp would want to
produce it?

Fuck Joe Papp.

You don't want to do this to the public.
No, no, I do.

No, you don't.

They're not into truth. They are not
into art. They are not into beauty.

It's all self -promotion and bourgeois
pretension.

I'm not going to let them near this.

You're my friend, and I'm going to
protect you. Okay.

Here's what you do.

You put it on in someone's loft, okay?

You invite your friends, people of
integrity, okay?

No critics. You don't want media
attention, do you? Well, definitely not.

no. I just thought maybe a little...
Ira, what's more important?

Your art or CBS?

Trust me.

Look at me.

Do you see how depressed I am?

I'm depressed too.

Yeah, but yours is a healthy depression.

The artist's depression.

Mine is the depression that leads into
the void. Did you see the article about

me in last week's Arts and Leisure
section? No.

Well, in this article, waiting for
Kunkel, the critics, they keep comparing

to Beckett.

Okay? A young Beckett. A new Beckett.

American Beckett. Better than Beckett.

I discussed it with Beckett himself.

We've had a long -standing
correspondence. You know, I mean, we

mean, there's nothing for it.

I'm commercial, okay?

The world loves me, but they should be
loving you.

You are the one who's original.

I mentioned you, by the way, but I never
heard of you.

Anyway, we both agree there was only one
thing that could save me, and it did,

and just in the nick of time. You want
to know what that is?

Huh?

Okay, I'll tell you.

L -O -V -E.

Love.

I have a new girlfriend, Ira, and she is
a prize.

I mean, from the angels, a prize.

She is always there, always, and
clinging. Ira, clinging.

Ira, she clings to me. My God.

I've got to hand it to you. I don't know
how you live without one.

Oh, here she is.

I love you. Come on in. I want you to be
my friend. Ira Ellis.

Ira. Sharon. Sharon. Ira.

I saw Sharon doing a mime show. She's
very talented. She's a genius at

You should come see her up on the roof
when she's practicing time. Really, she

could do that, right? Really, she's
incredible. The way with the mime,

Anyway, I saw her doing this show over
at the Metropolitan.

And, you know, ever since then, she
never had to say a single word, right?

I mean, she knew.

And I knew that this was it.

Yin and yang, right?

Corny? Maybe. But true.

All we need now is if I get a good deal
on the movie rights, and, uh, you know,

the play rakes it in, then, you know,
and I stay away from the bad stuff.

Right? I mean, you know, no more Jack
Daniels. Whoa.

No more Demerol. And, you know, then
that's it. We are off.

New Mexico.

The simple life.

Adobe. Do you hear me, Ira?

Adobe.

You don't!

I think it's a miracle.

I mean, it's a miracle if you ever find
someone who feels the same way about you

as you do about the other person.

Darling, this is better than a miracle.

Johnny? Johnny?

Don't say a word. Don't say a word.

Sharon, just listen.

But I... Just listen, Sharon.

I am an idiot.

I mean, it's a miracle. I could never
have thought I had any brains.

I mean, it's like you go through life
just once, and this, this is it.

And all this time, I never saw you.
Sharon, you're the one who's just

Well, thank you very much, but I'm late
for a toot meeting now, and Donnie's

not here.

I'll take care of Donnie. You just
forget about him and come with me. I

He's a loser, no matter what Time
magazine says, the New York Times,

Renaissance. And believe me, I know
Donnie Kunkel is a loser.

Oh, I know. He's an idiot.

I know, I know. I keep telling him. But
success has been just even less for him,

which is why he needs me.

And I need someone who needs me. I
understand. I completely relate. I feel

same way. But Sharon, I...

I need you more.

But you've got to forget about before. I
mean, before, I was young. I was

foolish, impetuous.

And now as I reflect on that time, I can
remember how there had always existed,

deep in the recesses of my mind, a faint
glimmer of elusive hope.

Basically, I just didn't know I needed
you.

Oh, but... You see? Now come with me.
Yeah.

But, wait!

Wait, wait, wait.

Things are different now. Donnie says
you're a big success. Are you going to

a big success? Aren't you going to be a
big success? No, I'm like $5 ,000

instead. I have to pay for everything,
you know? I mean, like now I have to

back in with my parents. I work for my
father. I have to face life like

else. I'm finished.

I'm the loser.

The real loser.

But I thought you said Donnie was the
loser. Then I'm just on the inside. He's

not like me, an external loser.

You just can't get your mind and expect
everything to follow.

I mean, I love you. I really do. And I
always have.

But I don't want to be third choice.

I understand you wanted Janice all
along. I know I lived with that and that

other girl with the hair.

But I don't know.

I guess I'm just selfish and vain, but I
prefer being well.

Well, I prefer being preferred.

I mean, Donnie asked me to marry him,
and I'm not even pregnant.

Hey, Ira.

What are you doing?

Not much. You?

The same.

You still living in the same place?

No, I moved. My building went condo.

I'm moving, too.

Oh, where to?

L .A. I got some friends over in Venice.

What about, uh...

Janice. She moved back to Indiana.

Thanks.

You know, I wrote another play.

Great. No, no, no. This time it's
completely different. I mean, it's

I mean, it's got a lot of, you know,
originality.

You'd really like it. Really.

You want to read it?

Yeah. Okay, because I've got a copy of
it with me.

Right now, I can... Not now.

Really? No, no, no. Would you rather I
send it to you? No, not now. Not ever.

What's wrong?

Your plays.

I have no fucking patience for them. I
hate them. I always have and I always

will. In fact, why you ever bother
writing in the first place is a totally

insane mystery to me because your plays
are bad.

They suck.

Come on.

Higher, higher. Hold it higher, schmuck.
That's it. Not that high, you fucking

idiot. This high.

God damn it, like this. Now watch the
wall. Watch the wall. On the left. On

left there's a wall, you fucking moron.
On the left there's a wall. Easy, easy,

easy. Both hands. Jesus Christ, don't
you understand? England's both fucking

hands. I swear to God. I swear to God,
if you fuck this up, this time I'm going

to kill you. I swear. Now come on, watch
it. Watch the railing. There's a

railing. Don't you see the railing?
Watch this step. Watch.

Dear Ira Ellis, keep on writing.

Samuel Beckett.

Thank you.

Look at me, babe, and sigh.

You're gonna love me the rest of your
days. I can see it in your eyes. I can

see it in your gaze. So, hey, you don't
have to be shy.

You can call me I.

Look in my heart and you'll see a neat
kind of guy.

Over, it's over in so many ways.

Here's what I'm saying, look in my heart
and you'll see a neat kind of guy.

Now, now I'm saying farewell to this

girl who doesn't feel well.

Her name is Sharon and she is so nice,
but she ain't got any sugar and she

ain't got any spice. So hey, you don't
have to be shy.

You can call me.

I'll just look in my heart and you'll
see I need kind of guy.

And I'll hide in so many ways.

Here's what I'm saying. Look in my heart
and you'll see a neat kind of guy.

Hey, you don't have to be shy.

You can call me.

Just look in my heart and you'll see any
kind of guy.

Any kind of guy.

Any kind of guy.

Any kind of guy.

Any kind of guy. Any kind of guy.
Really,

really, really need all those.