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1
00:00:01,202 --> 00:00:03,207
Ooh baby, I'm getting the
dinger tingles, baby.
2
00:00:03,307 --> 00:00:04,810
I'm feeling a long ball here.
3
00:00:04,910 --> 00:00:06,179
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, baby.
4
00:00:06,312 --> 00:00:07,549
C'mon. Get legs! Get legs!
5
00:00:07,683 --> 00:00:10,320
Dah, yo! He stinks,
frickin' trade that guy.
6
00:00:10,354 --> 00:00:11,222
- Whoa.
- Yo, there he is.
7
00:00:11,256 --> 00:00:13,426
Yo, you wanna watch
the Phils with us?
8
00:00:13,460 --> 00:00:14,529
- No, thanks.
9
00:00:16,233 --> 00:00:17,603
Hmmm. That's weird.
10
00:00:17,636 --> 00:00:19,706
Yeah, I thought Abe Lincoln
was dead.
11
00:00:22,478 --> 00:00:26,118
We must come together! As hard
and painful as it may be-
12
00:00:26,152 --> 00:00:28,356
Alright. What the hell's goin'
on in here?
13
00:00:28,390 --> 00:00:30,327
Oh, hey Mark.
We're just role-playing.
14
00:00:30,427 --> 00:00:31,262
Uh, what?
15
00:00:31,362 --> 00:00:33,233
He's tutoring me in
U.S. History.
16
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:37,942
Wow. My own stepson learning
history from another man?
17
00:00:37,976 --> 00:00:39,245
Okay. Fine.
You know what?
18
00:00:39,378 --> 00:00:41,617
Don't come crying to me when
you flunk outta school!
19
00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:44,222
Ridiculous.
You better watch out, David!
20
00:00:44,255 --> 00:00:46,694
I might role play as
Lee Harvey Oswald!
21
00:00:46,727 --> 00:00:47,529
What?
22
00:00:47,596 --> 00:00:49,599
I think he means
John Wilkes Booth.
23
00:00:51,269 --> 00:00:53,406
♪ Well, I used to work
in hot dog factory ♪
24
00:00:53,508 --> 00:00:55,410
♪ until them
robots came along, ♪
25
00:00:55,512 --> 00:00:57,516
♪ and now there is no
job for me, ♪
26
00:00:57,549 --> 00:00:59,853
♪ but I get three thousand
bucks a month. ♪
27
00:00:59,987 --> 00:01:04,261
♪ Thanks to UBI. ♪
28
00:01:04,362 --> 00:01:07,936
♪ Now we're Universal
Basic Guys. ♪
29
00:01:07,969 --> 00:01:13,080
♪ It may not sound like much,
but we're still gonna try. ♪
30
00:01:13,113 --> 00:01:17,487
♪ We're just Universal
Basic Guys. ♪
31
00:01:27,341 --> 00:01:29,747
Mark. Is something wrong?
32
00:01:29,747 --> 00:01:30,849
I'm good.
33
00:01:30,982 --> 00:01:31,983
Mark.
34
00:01:32,284 --> 00:01:34,422
Okay fine. You know what?
How are you gonna ask
35
00:01:34,455 --> 00:01:36,425
Jinglebells to tutor you
instead of me?!
36
00:01:36,526 --> 00:01:37,361
Ridiculous.
37
00:01:37,494 --> 00:01:39,900
Uh... he's got a history
degree from Cornell?
38
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:41,002
Pfft! Oh, big deal, okay.
39
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:43,206
Everybody knows Ivy
League schools are a joke.
40
00:01:43,273 --> 00:01:45,444
Ask me any question
about history. Go ahead.
41
00:01:45,545 --> 00:01:48,784
Okay. Which U.S. President
is featured on the $100 bill?
42
00:01:48,884 --> 00:01:50,420
Uh, Ben Franklin.
Pfft, easy.
43
00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:52,258
Ben Franklin was actually
never president.
44
00:01:52,291 --> 00:01:53,561
The correct answer is none.
45
00:01:53,594 --> 00:01:55,731
Uh, that's not history, Darren.
That's a riddle.
46
00:01:55,765 --> 00:01:59,506
How about you, answer me this:
Who built the pyramids?
47
00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:00,942
Uh... Egyptians?
48
00:02:01,008 --> 00:02:02,278
Wrong.
Aliens, bud.
49
00:02:02,344 --> 00:02:03,714
Oh my God. Seriously?
50
00:02:03,747 --> 00:02:05,851
Uh, yeah. But you're not gonna
learn that from David
51
00:02:05,885 --> 00:02:07,822
because they don't put that
stuff in the books.
52
00:02:07,856 --> 00:02:10,327
Hun, Darren's been struggling
in history class.
53
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:11,362
David's just helping him
keep up.
54
00:02:11,563 --> 00:02:14,235
Uh excuse me, you know about
this arrangement too, Tammy?
55
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:16,908
Wow. The betrayals are
adding up here.
56
00:02:16,941 --> 00:02:17,876
If you knew anything about
57
00:02:18,177 --> 00:02:20,447
U.S. History, you could have
called Mom 'Benedict Arnold.'
58
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,753
Uh, this has nothing to
do with breakfast, Darren.
59
00:02:22,786 --> 00:02:23,854
Oh my god.
60
00:02:23,954 --> 00:02:26,192
Oh okay, yeah. Laugh it up.
You guys think I'm dumb?
61
00:02:26,225 --> 00:02:28,230
Nobody thinks you're dumb.
- I do.
62
00:02:28,330 --> 00:02:30,167
- Darren, enough.
Let me tell you something,
63
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:31,837
I could have easily
gone to Harvard.
64
00:02:31,970 --> 00:02:33,206
I just didn't apply myself.
65
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,243
If I took your history
class right now,
66
00:02:35,343 --> 00:02:36,780
I would definitely get an A.
67
00:02:36,847 --> 00:02:40,120
In fact, I bet the teacher would
be asking me about history.
68
00:02:40,220 --> 00:02:41,990
Uh yeah, whatever you say,
Mark.
69
00:02:42,090 --> 00:02:43,961
Alright, well,
I guess we'll see then.
70
00:02:44,262 --> 00:02:45,965
Oh, no. Is he gonna try and go
71
00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,703
back to high school to
prove a point?
72
00:02:47,836 --> 00:02:50,474
- Yes.
Ughhh.
73
00:02:50,575 --> 00:02:51,544
[school bell]
74
00:02:51,611 --> 00:02:53,413
Oh, man. This is a great idea,
Mark.
75
00:02:53,514 --> 00:02:55,284
I've always wanted to go
back to high school
76
00:02:55,384 --> 00:02:57,287
so I can finally take
Advanced Wood Shop.
77
00:02:57,421 --> 00:03:00,093
But uh... are you sure we're
allowed to do this?
78
00:03:00,127 --> 00:03:02,098
Yes, Hank.
it's a Public School.
79
00:03:02,131 --> 00:03:03,266
It's like the uh, library.
80
00:03:03,333 --> 00:03:05,571
If you pay taxes,
you can go to high school.
81
00:03:06,372 --> 00:03:08,343
Man, this place hasn't
changed at all.
82
00:03:08,377 --> 00:03:10,480
- Stop.
- Hey, what the hell is this?
83
00:03:10,515 --> 00:03:13,153
You are not authorized to
access this facility.
84
00:03:13,220 --> 00:03:14,990
Please scan your student I.D.
85
00:03:15,090 --> 00:03:16,727
Ay-- move--
Relax, Robocop.
86
00:03:16,827 --> 00:03:17,629
We're just here to learn.
87
00:03:17,662 --> 00:03:19,364
Failure to comply will
result in
88
00:03:19,498 --> 00:03:20,802
escalation to school
authorities.
89
00:03:20,869 --> 00:03:22,872
Alright, alright. Relax.
Okay, we're leaving.
90
00:03:22,939 --> 00:03:24,075
Go go go! Hank!
C'mon, c'mon.
91
00:03:24,108 --> 00:03:26,179
Security alert.
Code 221!
92
00:03:26,212 --> 00:03:28,751
Ah! Alright he got me,
he-- he got me!
93
00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:32,224
So, why are two grown men
trying to enter my high school?
94
00:03:32,257 --> 00:03:33,594
Ma'am,
we're just here to learn.
95
00:03:33,628 --> 00:03:35,497
If you're looking to
further your education,
96
00:03:35,497 --> 00:03:37,133
there are plenty
of adult programs
97
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:38,671
that might be more
age-appropriate.
98
00:03:38,771 --> 00:03:40,608
Ah, c'mon, dude.
I really need this, okay?
99
00:03:40,675 --> 00:03:43,548
I gotta show my step-son,
I can get an A in U.S. History.
100
00:03:43,581 --> 00:03:44,382
I'm sorry.
101
00:03:44,482 --> 00:03:47,053
I'm not gonna defy
school policy so
102
00:03:47,154 --> 00:03:49,058
you can prove a
point to your step-son.
103
00:03:49,158 --> 00:03:50,393
Alright. Well then
I guess I gotta
104
00:03:50,427 --> 00:03:51,697
sue you for age discrimination.
105
00:03:51,730 --> 00:03:53,735
Alright well, those are
the magic words.
106
00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:55,236
Not touchin' that one.
107
00:03:57,107 --> 00:03:59,445
Uh... Hello?
108
00:04:07,995 --> 00:04:09,632
- Don't touch that!
- Oh!
109
00:04:09,733 --> 00:04:11,469
Uh... Mr. Jackson?
110
00:04:11,570 --> 00:04:13,340
The wood shop is off-limits.
111
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,545
Oh uh... it's me, Hank Hoagies.
112
00:04:15,645 --> 00:04:18,016
I was hoping to uh,
take advanced wood shop
113
00:04:18,116 --> 00:04:20,721
and, uh, finally learn how to
use all the big tools.
114
00:04:20,821 --> 00:04:23,293
You can't, the wood shop
is no more.
115
00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:25,430
Oh uh, sorry to hear that, uh...
116
00:04:25,564 --> 00:04:27,768
Well I uh, I finally finished
my uh,
117
00:04:27,869 --> 00:04:29,906
birdhouse project if you
wanna see it.
118
00:04:31,375 --> 00:04:34,248
Hm. Impressive craftsmanship.
119
00:04:34,415 --> 00:04:37,622
So, you want to take
Advanced Woodshop, eh?
120
00:04:37,655 --> 00:04:38,891
Uh, yeah.
121
00:04:39,024 --> 00:04:40,127
Well, then.
122
00:04:40,294 --> 00:04:42,030
Let's get started.
123
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:43,834
Woah! Uh, heheh.
124
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:47,642
Oh, no.
125
00:04:47,742 --> 00:04:48,777
-Sup.
- What are you doing?
126
00:04:48,944 --> 00:04:51,482
What does it look like I'm
doing. I'm taking ninth grade
127
00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:52,618
U .S. History, bud.
128
00:04:52,652 --> 00:04:54,389
Are you even allowed in school?
129
00:04:54,623 --> 00:04:56,726
- Boom.
- Ugh. Mark, please.
130
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,599
Okay, I was wrong.
You're actually a genius, okay?
131
00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:01,603
Uh no, Darren.
That was not sincere.
132
00:05:01,737 --> 00:05:04,208
I'm gonna earn your respect
by acing this class.
133
00:05:04,308 --> 00:05:06,345
Now if you excuse me,
I'm here for school,
134
00:05:06,412 --> 00:05:07,882
not socializin'.
135
00:05:07,915 --> 00:05:09,452
Morning history, fam!
136
00:05:09,553 --> 00:05:11,355
So uh,
as you may have noticed,
137
00:05:11,456 --> 00:05:14,461
We have a new student
in class today.
138
00:05:14,494 --> 00:05:19,338
Yeah. Let's give a warm
welcome to Mark Hoagies.
139
00:05:22,310 --> 00:05:24,215
So, what happened to Woodshop?
140
00:05:24,315 --> 00:05:26,887
Damn Superintendent pulled
our funding
141
00:05:26,987 --> 00:05:29,325
for more computer classes.
142
00:05:29,391 --> 00:05:30,293
Oh, that ain't right.
143
00:05:30,427 --> 00:05:32,665
Woodshop was my favorite class
in high school.
144
00:05:32,698 --> 00:05:34,869
You know,
it warms my heart to see that
145
00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:39,045
someone still understands the
value of craftsmanship.
146
00:05:39,212 --> 00:05:40,581
Now, where was I?
147
00:05:40,815 --> 00:05:41,950
Ah, yes!
148
00:05:42,084 --> 00:05:46,258
Anyone can build a birdhouse,
but to pass Advanced Woodshop,
149
00:05:46,292 --> 00:05:49,365
you must make something
much more complex...
150
00:05:49,533 --> 00:05:51,269
'The Marionette.'
151
00:05:51,302 --> 00:05:53,306
Oooh. Do I get to
use all the tools?
152
00:05:53,373 --> 00:05:55,411
Ah-bup-bup.
One step at a time.
153
00:05:55,612 --> 00:05:57,615
We'll start with the table saw.
154
00:05:57,715 --> 00:05:58,550
Hell yeah.
155
00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:02,659
Y'okie-dokie. Can anyone tell me
some of the motivations behind
156
00:06:02,692 --> 00:06:05,397
Andrew Jackson's
Indian Removal Act?
157
00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:06,567
Mmmark.
158
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:08,537
Uh, the government wanted
to hide the discovery
159
00:06:08,637 --> 00:06:11,242
of ancient alien technology on
Native American lands?
160
00:06:11,375 --> 00:06:12,745
Heh, based.
161
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:18,123
Haha, Interesting guess, but
gonna be a no from me, dawg.
162
00:06:18,524 --> 00:06:20,561
Uh. Anyone else?
Darren.
163
00:06:20,561 --> 00:06:22,264
President Jackson believed
it would
164
00:06:22,297 --> 00:06:24,034
open up land for
white settlers.
165
00:06:24,168 --> 00:06:25,671
Correctamundo.
166
00:06:25,771 --> 00:06:28,409
Looks like someone did
their reading last night, dawg.
167
00:06:28,443 --> 00:06:30,180
Uh... heh, yessir.
168
00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,518
Alright history fam.
169
00:06:32,552 --> 00:06:34,990
Don't forget, tomorrow
we've got a quizzorino,
170
00:06:35,023 --> 00:06:38,162
so make sure you smash
that reading tonight.
171
00:06:38,329 --> 00:06:39,733
Oh hey! Mark!
172
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,970
I think it's pretty rad
what you're doing, man.
173
00:06:42,004 --> 00:06:44,709
Takes major cojones to go
back to high school, you know.
174
00:06:44,810 --> 00:06:46,379
Thank you, Mr. Bouchard.
'Preciate it.
175
00:06:46,412 --> 00:06:47,982
Oh, c'mon. Class is over.
176
00:06:48,082 --> 00:06:51,288
You can call me Jared.
Been a long time, brotha. Hoo.
177
00:06:51,422 --> 00:06:52,592
Wait we-- we know each other?
178
00:06:52,692 --> 00:06:54,261
Yeah! We went to
high school together.
179
00:06:54,295 --> 00:06:55,363
Stormin' Mormon?
180
00:06:55,598 --> 00:06:57,836
Uhhh. Damn dude. I didn't uh,
181
00:06:57,869 --> 00:07:00,675
recognize you
with the long uh... long hair.
182
00:07:00,708 --> 00:07:03,714
Yeah. Yeah, I've been growing
it out since the divorce.
183
00:07:03,814 --> 00:07:06,587
Ooh, sorry to hear that,
but it looks good, though,
184
00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:10,594
It's got a real early uh...
early 2000s Undertaker vibe.
185
00:07:10,695 --> 00:07:11,931
Ah thanks, brotha.
186
00:07:12,031 --> 00:07:14,903
Anyway, uh, let me know
if you ever wanna grab
187
00:07:14,937 --> 00:07:17,107
a drink and catch up
outside of class.
188
00:07:17,207 --> 00:07:18,009
Wait. Drinks?
189
00:07:18,242 --> 00:07:19,913
I thought Mormons
weren't allowed to do that.
190
00:07:20,013 --> 00:07:23,620
Yeah well, you know, left
the wife and that life behind.
191
00:07:23,653 --> 00:07:25,991
Problem is, most of my friends
were through the church.
192
00:07:26,092 --> 00:07:28,965
I'm kinda in the market for
some dude pals to bro down with.
193
00:07:28,998 --> 00:07:32,137
- You feel me?
- Uh yeah, maybe another time.
194
00:07:32,271 --> 00:07:35,511
I got a uh... y'know, I got that
quizzorino to study for, so...
195
00:07:35,544 --> 00:07:38,984
Right on, brotha. Okay.
Keep crushing it. Bang!
196
00:07:42,759 --> 00:07:44,796
Hey Tam, you mind uh,
turning that down?
197
00:07:44,896 --> 00:07:46,098
I'm trying to study over here.
198
00:07:46,198 --> 00:07:48,069
Oh. Well, it looks like
you're on your phone.
199
00:07:48,103 --> 00:07:51,275
Uh, no. I'm actually watching
educational history videos.
200
00:07:51,375 --> 00:07:53,947
Well, maybe you should, I
don't know, read the textbook?
201
00:07:54,081 --> 00:07:54,882
Pfft! Yeah, right.
202
00:07:55,116 --> 00:07:56,787
You want me to read from
some boring book when
203
00:07:56,887 --> 00:07:58,122
I can just watch a
4 minute video
204
00:07:58,155 --> 00:07:59,926
that sums it all up
with fun animations?
205
00:07:59,926 --> 00:08:00,995
Get out of here.
- Hey there, Mark.
206
00:08:01,095 --> 00:08:03,900
You wanna come study with us?
- Uh, I'm good, Scrooge.
207
00:08:03,934 --> 00:08:06,172
Okay, I don't need the
Ghost of Christmas Past
208
00:08:06,239 --> 00:08:07,675
comin' to teach
me history.
209
00:08:07,775 --> 00:08:09,846
Uh... I'm Martin Van Buren.
210
00:08:09,913 --> 00:08:11,550
Martin-- what?
Who the hell is that?
211
00:08:12,350 --> 00:08:16,225
Alright, history fam.
Most of you slayed this thing.
212
00:08:16,258 --> 00:08:17,529
Nice work.
213
00:08:17,562 --> 00:08:19,899
Ms. Mia. Well done.
214
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:22,070
D-money. Nice work.
215
00:08:22,203 --> 00:08:23,740
Mark.
216
00:08:25,009 --> 00:08:26,278
What the hell?
217
00:08:27,748 --> 00:08:30,688
Hey, listen, Mark.
I can recommend a great tutor.
218
00:08:30,788 --> 00:08:33,026
His name's David and
he's really smart.
219
00:08:33,159 --> 00:08:34,395
Heheheheh.
220
00:08:34,428 --> 00:08:35,865
Yeah okay, laugh it up,
Darren.
221
00:08:35,965 --> 00:08:37,535
Your friends know you
like anime?
222
00:08:37,568 --> 00:08:39,839
Uh. We all like anime.
223
00:08:39,873 --> 00:08:41,677
Pfft! Yeah well, I guess
this is what happens
224
00:08:41,810 --> 00:08:44,081
when everybody gets a
participation trophy.
225
00:08:44,181 --> 00:08:45,183
Oh my God, what?
226
00:08:45,216 --> 00:08:47,622
If anyone's getting a
participation trophy,
227
00:08:47,722 --> 00:08:49,157
it's you, Mr. C minus.
228
00:08:49,692 --> 00:08:50,928
Bullying detected!
229
00:08:50,995 --> 00:08:52,599
Please refrain from
harassment or
230
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,001
I will be forced to take action.
231
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:56,305
Come on, Dar.
Don't stoop to his level.
232
00:08:56,439 --> 00:08:58,109
Bullying him on social media.
233
00:08:58,142 --> 00:08:59,445
Everything cool over here?
234
00:08:59,546 --> 00:09:02,450
Yeah, all good.
What's with the T-800?
235
00:09:02,484 --> 00:09:04,254
Oh, it's some new
security robot.
236
00:09:04,287 --> 00:09:07,027
I guess it just got some
kind of Anti-Bullying upgrade.
237
00:09:07,127 --> 00:09:07,928
Damn, man.
238
00:09:08,195 --> 00:09:09,833
Can you imagine if we had one
of those when we
239
00:09:09,933 --> 00:09:12,104
went to high school? The thing
would be going berserk.
240
00:09:12,137 --> 00:09:14,141
We were giving each
other wedgies left and right.
241
00:09:14,174 --> 00:09:16,245
Totally. I still have a scar
on my perineum.
242
00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:18,349
So, boys, how was school?
243
00:09:18,382 --> 00:09:21,021
I got a B on the history quiz.
- Uh, it was B-minus.
244
00:09:21,054 --> 00:09:23,125
Mark got a C-minus.
- Go to your room, please.
245
00:09:23,225 --> 00:09:26,967
Because you got a C-minus?
- Because... you're bullying me.
246
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:27,802
- Grow up.
247
00:09:28,002 --> 00:09:29,706
See this, Tam?
He's been doing this non-stop.
248
00:09:29,739 --> 00:09:31,610
It's very hard to focus in class
when Darren is
249
00:09:31,710 --> 00:09:32,745
constantly giving me crap.
250
00:09:32,845 --> 00:09:34,315
Bro, you don't
even read the books.
251
00:09:34,415 --> 00:09:37,721
Uh. Yeah well... I can't learn
using traditional methods, okay.
252
00:09:37,755 --> 00:09:40,326
They're too boring for me.
Ok-- I'm neuro... detergent.
253
00:09:40,393 --> 00:09:41,461
- Pfft!
- Darren!
254
00:09:41,495 --> 00:09:42,999
Hahaha yeah,
laugh it up, Darren.
255
00:09:43,099 --> 00:09:46,172
ADHD is actually very
common and in geniuses.
256
00:09:46,205 --> 00:09:48,644
Albert Einstein, why do you
think he has the crazy hair?
257
00:09:48,644 --> 00:09:50,380
Because he... didn't know
where his....
258
00:09:50,581 --> 00:09:52,017
hairbrush was all the time, y--
259
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:54,522
Well, maybe academics isn't
for you, which is fine.
260
00:09:54,589 --> 00:09:55,958
Yeah, Mark. I agree.
261
00:09:56,058 --> 00:09:57,962
You should stop going to
my high school.
262
00:09:58,664 --> 00:10:01,268
Speaking of academics,
David's here.
263
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:02,705
[phone]
264
00:10:03,138 --> 00:10:05,911
Hun, don't be afraid to ask the
teacher for extra help.
265
00:10:06,011 --> 00:10:09,018
I'm here to fill your mind,
young Padawan.
266
00:10:09,485 --> 00:10:12,357
Oh don't worry about that.
I won't.
267
00:10:14,227 --> 00:10:16,366
Yooo. There he is.
268
00:10:16,399 --> 00:10:17,535
Yo, there's my guy.
269
00:10:17,635 --> 00:10:19,539
What's up, dude, what
do you want to drink?
270
00:10:19,772 --> 00:10:22,678
Ah-da-bop-bop-bah.
Man... y'know, I dunno,
271
00:10:22,712 --> 00:10:25,250
this whole bar scene
is sort of new to me.
272
00:10:25,383 --> 00:10:26,886
Maybe a Strawberry Daiquiri?
273
00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:30,561
Is that weird? Yeah,
that's weird. Okay.
274
00:10:30,795 --> 00:10:34,702
What about a Sex on the Beach?
275
00:10:35,537 --> 00:10:38,075
Uh... Yeah.
Maybe we start with a beer.
276
00:10:38,109 --> 00:10:40,948
Yes. A beer. Classic.
Love that idea.
277
00:10:41,082 --> 00:10:45,525
So I walk in and this dude is
just going to town on her, man.
278
00:10:45,558 --> 00:10:47,294
I mean, it was bruuu-tal.
279
00:10:47,361 --> 00:10:48,196
Ah. Sucks, man.
280
00:10:48,597 --> 00:10:52,672
But it's all good. I still got
my other passion: teaching.
281
00:10:52,706 --> 00:10:54,709
Let me tell you,
there's nothing better
282
00:10:54,743 --> 00:10:56,111
than seeing
those kids light
283
00:10:56,211 --> 00:10:58,818
up when I blow their
frickin' minds. Heh.
284
00:10:58,884 --> 00:11:02,692
Well, except... maybe getting
my mind blown by
285
00:11:02,726 --> 00:11:04,996
that milfarino with the
Richard Simmons
286
00:11:05,096 --> 00:11:07,601
hair at your two o'clock.
Sup.
287
00:11:07,635 --> 00:11:09,572
Yeah, totally.
288
00:11:09,606 --> 00:11:11,843
So listen, uh, you're looking
for a wingman,
289
00:11:11,943 --> 00:11:13,379
I'm looking to get an
A in your class,
290
00:11:13,446 --> 00:11:16,218
so... How about we, ya know,
help each other out?
291
00:11:16,318 --> 00:11:18,256
Ah, I feel ya. I feel ya.
292
00:11:18,289 --> 00:11:21,128
Looking for a little 'extra
help' from ya boi?
293
00:11:21,162 --> 00:11:23,366
Ay, I'm just saying,
otherwise I'm gonna have
294
00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:24,969
to go home and study...
295
00:11:25,003 --> 00:11:27,775
Okay. Alright. I hear that.
Let's do it, brotha.
296
00:11:27,875 --> 00:11:30,079
Yoo, let's gooo.
297
00:11:32,451 --> 00:11:37,828
♪ [action]
298
00:12:06,753 --> 00:12:08,958
Think I'm gonna call him
"Baseball Boy."
299
00:12:09,058 --> 00:12:11,963
This is some fine craftsmanship,
Mr. Hoagies.
300
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:15,370
A-plus. Congratulations,
you've passed.
301
00:12:15,470 --> 00:12:17,007
Oh, wow. That's awesome!
302
00:12:17,107 --> 00:12:19,277
So, uh, can I use
that big tool now?
303
00:12:19,411 --> 00:12:23,654
Oh... I don't know if you're
ready for that one.
304
00:12:23,754 --> 00:12:25,156
But you gave me an A-plus.
305
00:12:25,323 --> 00:12:29,799
Listen, Hank. Beneath that
tarp is a very powerful tool.
306
00:12:29,899 --> 00:12:33,072
Forbidden to all but the
most committed craftsman.
307
00:12:33,172 --> 00:12:35,009
I mean, uh,
I'm pretty committed.
308
00:12:35,042 --> 00:12:37,515
I spent 15 years working
on that birdhouse.
309
00:12:37,582 --> 00:12:39,953
Okay, but you must understand,
310
00:12:40,086 --> 00:12:44,327
once I show you its secrets,
there's no going back.
311
00:12:44,461 --> 00:12:46,833
Yeah, okay. I want to
learn all the tools.
312
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,037
Well then... it's time
for you to
313
00:12:49,070 --> 00:12:51,643
take your craft
to the next level,
314
00:12:51,677 --> 00:12:55,517
to bring your creation to life!
315
00:12:57,821 --> 00:13:01,428
Uh... Mr. Jackson?
You okay?
316
00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:04,034
Yoohoo!
Up here.
317
00:13:05,704 --> 00:13:09,244
Woah... uh... hi?
Wait, are you?
318
00:13:09,377 --> 00:13:10,714
Mr. Jackson?
319
00:13:10,714 --> 00:13:13,586
Please.
Call me by my puppet name:
320
00:13:14,154 --> 00:13:15,624
Chippy.
321
00:13:15,924 --> 00:13:18,128
Uh... Okay.
322
00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:20,366
So, how was school?
323
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:21,402
It was okay.
324
00:13:21,570 --> 00:13:25,978
Whoaaa. Look at you, Mark.
A-plus. That's amazing!
325
00:13:26,078 --> 00:13:28,349
- How'd you do, Darren?
- B-plus.
326
00:13:28,449 --> 00:13:29,686
That's not bad!
327
00:13:29,719 --> 00:13:31,857
I mean, it's no A-plus,
but hey, you know,
328
00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:33,359
academics aren't for everyone,
bud.
329
00:13:33,393 --> 00:13:37,300
Now, if you'll excuse me, I
need to attend my study session.
330
00:13:39,438 --> 00:13:40,975
Yo, let me get two more
331
00:13:41,008 --> 00:13:43,647
Pineapple Upside
Down Cake shots.
332
00:13:43,747 --> 00:13:46,452
Oh, wait. Make that three.
333
00:13:46,586 --> 00:13:47,988
Uh nah, I'm okay uh...
334
00:13:48,022 --> 00:13:49,892
I actually gotta get out
of here so...
335
00:13:49,992 --> 00:13:51,462
Can I get those answers?
336
00:13:51,495 --> 00:13:52,831
Oh yeah, yeah. My b.
337
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:54,334
One sec, babe.
Hold on.
338
00:14:01,348 --> 00:14:03,019
Anyone uh... see Mr. B?
339
00:14:03,052 --> 00:14:04,822
Maybe he was out
late last night.
340
00:14:04,856 --> 00:14:08,864
Gah, um, good morning,
good morrrrning.
341
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:11,770
Blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah,
blah. Blah!
342
00:14:12,137 --> 00:14:14,542
Ok, stuuds. Uh, pop quiz:
343
00:14:14,609 --> 00:14:19,485
guess who got some top-notch
boingo-bananas last night.
344
00:14:19,586 --> 00:14:22,123
This guyyyyy.
345
00:14:22,490 --> 00:14:24,294
Okay, what was I doing?
346
00:14:24,427 --> 00:14:27,902
Oh yeah. Last quiz
before the big kahuna.
347
00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:30,908
Uh, Mr. Boosh, uh,
you need a hand there, or?
348
00:14:31,008 --> 00:14:35,517
Uh no, I got plenty
of that last night. Hahaha.
349
00:14:36,553 --> 00:14:41,629
Uh, this is a flyer
for intramural basketball.
350
00:14:42,765 --> 00:14:44,067
- Bro!
- Oh, God.
351
00:14:44,101 --> 00:14:46,606
Ohh, ow, my head, my head...
Oooh...
352
00:14:46,673 --> 00:14:49,410
Ah, frickin' Stormin' Mormon.
353
00:14:52,334 --> 00:14:53,520
So he's in rehab?
354
00:14:53,553 --> 00:14:54,454
Yep. It's ridiculous.
355
00:14:54,488 --> 00:14:56,192
I mean, the guy was
barely even buzzed.
356
00:14:56,192 --> 00:14:59,397
Mark's just upset because now he
can't cheat on the final exam.
357
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:02,203
Wow, wow. I see how it is.
358
00:15:02,303 --> 00:15:05,142
I couldn't possibly be gettin'
good grades because I'm smart.
359
00:15:05,176 --> 00:15:06,846
Gotta be cheating, eh?
Unbelievable.
360
00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:10,721
I literally saw Mr. Bouchard
hand you the answers at TJ's.
361
00:15:10,754 --> 00:15:13,560
The other day, he winked at you
after handing your test back.
362
00:15:13,593 --> 00:15:14,663
C'mon, man.
363
00:15:14,696 --> 00:15:16,599
Mark? Is this true?
364
00:15:17,801 --> 00:15:19,371
You know what? Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
365
00:15:19,471 --> 00:15:21,242
He's been giving me
the answers, okay?
366
00:15:21,275 --> 00:15:22,912
But that is not cheating!
367
00:15:22,945 --> 00:15:24,214
How is that not cheating?
368
00:15:24,247 --> 00:15:26,385
I have ADHD, okay.
I'm allowed extra help.
369
00:15:26,452 --> 00:15:28,824
Uh, I don't know if
being given the answers
370
00:15:28,924 --> 00:15:30,259
qualifies as "extra help."
371
00:15:30,359 --> 00:15:32,097
Well, some people study to
get an A,
372
00:15:32,130 --> 00:15:34,000
and others use their
people skills, okay.
373
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,071
It's just different paths up
the same mountain.
374
00:15:36,104 --> 00:15:37,474
'Cause I got news for you,
Darren,
375
00:15:37,608 --> 00:15:40,145
in the real world,
all that matters is results.
376
00:15:40,212 --> 00:15:41,950
It doesn't matter how
you get there.
377
00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:43,987
Argh, this is pretty
pathetic, Mark.
378
00:15:44,054 --> 00:15:45,557
You cheated at ninth
grade history.
379
00:15:45,591 --> 00:15:46,492
You know what?
380
00:15:46,593 --> 00:15:48,362
Now I know how Millard
Fillmore must have felt
381
00:15:48,496 --> 00:15:51,369
when he was abandoned by the
Whigs at the 1852 Convention.
382
00:15:51,402 --> 00:15:53,840
Guy signs a frickin'
Compromise of 1850
383
00:15:53,873 --> 00:15:55,844
just to keep the country
from falling apart
384
00:15:55,844 --> 00:15:57,681
and what did he get for it?
No nomination!
385
00:15:57,781 --> 00:16:00,253
You know why? Because
it's always the visionaries
386
00:16:00,286 --> 00:16:02,190
who get thrown under
the bus by the same people
387
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:03,726
who should be
appreciating them.
388
00:16:11,676 --> 00:16:13,146
- Hey, Mark.
- Oh, great.
389
00:16:13,246 --> 00:16:15,584
You hear to bust my
balls about cheating?
390
00:16:15,617 --> 00:16:17,386
Mark, you weren't cheating.
391
00:16:17,420 --> 00:16:19,024
Pfft. What are you
talking about?
392
00:16:19,058 --> 00:16:20,493
Bouchard was giving me
all the answers.
393
00:16:20,528 --> 00:16:23,833
Yeah, it's called learning.
Bouchard was just tutoring you.
394
00:16:23,967 --> 00:16:27,306
The "answers" you were reading
were actually just study guides.
395
00:16:27,406 --> 00:16:30,012
Huh. Get the hell out of here,
How about that?
396
00:16:30,012 --> 00:16:32,852
So I was thinking... maybe
we could study together.
397
00:16:32,952 --> 00:16:37,059
Wait, do you really mean that,
or are you just being a bully?
398
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,497
Yeah. You-- you really
know this stuff.
399
00:16:39,598 --> 00:16:42,572
Really appreciate that, Darren.
But wh-- what about David?
400
00:16:42,672 --> 00:16:45,309
Honestly... I think you know the
material better than him.
401
00:16:45,409 --> 00:16:49,083
Plus, his costumes are becoming
increasingly problematic.
402
00:16:50,854 --> 00:16:53,393
So uh... you're a puppet now?
403
00:16:53,426 --> 00:16:57,200
Indeed. Like wood shop,
I too was dying.
404
00:16:57,233 --> 00:17:00,741
I had to get out of
that decrepit old flesh sack.
405
00:17:00,775 --> 00:17:02,511
But... uh... how?
406
00:17:02,611 --> 00:17:04,548
The Unspooler!
407
00:17:05,049 --> 00:17:05,884
Whoa.
408
00:17:06,318 --> 00:17:09,759
I built it myself, based on the
drawings of Geppetto Lucignolo,
409
00:17:09,792 --> 00:17:13,800
an 18th century puppeteering
genius from Florence.
410
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:16,004
Lucignolo believed that
the mind
411
00:17:16,038 --> 00:17:18,877
was intricately woven,
like a fine thread,
412
00:17:18,911 --> 00:17:20,680
throughout our entire
nervous system,
413
00:17:20,714 --> 00:17:23,085
and that if you could
unspool this thread,
414
00:17:23,219 --> 00:17:25,590
you could transplant your soul.
415
00:17:25,690 --> 00:17:26,927
Oh, wow. Pretty cool.
416
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:28,196
Pretty cool indeed.
417
00:17:28,329 --> 00:17:32,237
Using this machine here,
I discarded my dying body...
418
00:17:32,337 --> 00:17:34,374
... for this sturdy wooden one,
419
00:17:34,474 --> 00:17:36,580
free from the
frailties of flesh.
420
00:17:36,613 --> 00:17:39,150
So join me, Hank.
And together we can live
421
00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:41,354
in the wood shop,
puppet friends forever.
422
00:17:41,354 --> 00:17:46,231
For today you become...
Baseball Boy.
423
00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:49,438
Hm, yeah uh...
I think maybe this tool
424
00:17:49,505 --> 00:17:51,876
is a little too
advanced for me.
425
00:17:51,976 --> 00:17:54,314
Alright, everyone.
As you may have heard,
426
00:17:54,348 --> 00:17:56,620
Mr. Bouchard will be taking
a leave of absence,
427
00:17:56,653 --> 00:17:59,625
so we'll have a proctor over-
seeing your final exam today.
428
00:17:59,658 --> 00:18:01,227
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
How you gonna replace
429
00:18:01,361 --> 00:18:02,998
Bouchard with a frickin'
security robot?
430
00:18:03,098 --> 00:18:04,569
We want Mr. Bouchard back.
431
00:18:04,602 --> 00:18:05,771
-Yeah!
- Seriously
432
00:18:05,838 --> 00:18:06,640
Yeah, well, too bad.
433
00:18:06,706 --> 00:18:08,509
STU doesn't show up
to class drunk.
434
00:18:08,543 --> 00:18:10,881
And the best part, no tenure.
435
00:18:10,981 --> 00:18:12,851
I will now distribute
your exams.
436
00:18:12,885 --> 00:18:13,953
Wait Scantron?
437
00:18:14,087 --> 00:18:15,757
Yo, this is supposed to
be essay questions.
438
00:18:15,857 --> 00:18:17,159
No talking!
439
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:21,167
Psst! Mark!
This isn't what we studied.
440
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:22,972
I know.
I don't know any of this stuff.
441
00:18:23,005 --> 00:18:24,842
This test is like a
third of our grade!
442
00:18:24,875 --> 00:18:26,345
Oh man, this ain't right.
443
00:18:26,378 --> 00:18:29,585
Hey uh, R2D2, I think you
got the wrong test here, bud.
444
00:18:29,685 --> 00:18:30,486
No talking.
445
00:18:30,954 --> 00:18:33,893
This test is generated by STU
based on the latest textbooks.
446
00:18:33,926 --> 00:18:35,496
Maybe you just didn't study.
447
00:18:35,598 --> 00:18:36,432
Bullying detected.
448
00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:37,935
Please refrain
from harassment or
449
00:18:38,002 --> 00:18:39,437
security protocols
will be taken.
450
00:18:39,470 --> 00:18:41,877
Ugh, this anti-bullying
software is way too sensitive
451
00:18:41,910 --> 00:18:43,211
They gotta fix that.
452
00:18:45,015 --> 00:18:47,186
Yo, Darren. Yeah,
that's right you,
453
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:48,790
you frickin' nerd!
454
00:18:48,790 --> 00:18:50,761
Yeah, take that, you geek!
455
00:18:50,761 --> 00:18:51,863
Mark, what the hell?
456
00:18:51,896 --> 00:18:52,898
Yo, just trust me, Dar.
457
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:56,606
Severe bullying detected.
Initiating security protocols.
458
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:57,841
Oh, God.
459
00:18:57,875 --> 00:18:59,243
Uh, holy crap.
460
00:19:00,046 --> 00:19:01,749
Mark! Run!
461
00:19:01,783 --> 00:19:03,920
Aaaaaaaahhhhh!
462
00:19:04,053 --> 00:19:06,157
Welp, this is gonna
be a lawsuit.
463
00:19:06,191 --> 00:19:08,495
Everyone, uh... test postponed.
464
00:19:10,867 --> 00:19:13,138
I mean, uh-- do I have to
become a marionette?
465
00:19:13,205 --> 00:19:15,209
Can't we, you know,
just be friends or...?
466
00:19:15,309 --> 00:19:16,478
No, no, no, no.
467
00:19:16,579 --> 00:19:18,817
Do you understand how
lonely it is
468
00:19:18,850 --> 00:19:21,756
being the only living
marionette around?
469
00:19:21,756 --> 00:19:26,699
Yeah, I hear you, but I think
I'm going to head back, yeah.
470
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,201
It's too late, Hank.
471
00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:30,473
I'm afraid there is
no going back.
472
00:19:30,507 --> 00:19:32,812
Now that you know
all the tools,
473
00:19:32,912 --> 00:19:34,782
you know my secret.
474
00:19:36,552 --> 00:19:39,558
This school has a zero
tolerance bullying policy.
475
00:19:39,592 --> 00:19:43,566
You must die! You must die!
You must die!
476
00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:53,252
Hank? What the hell is
going on in here?
477
00:19:53,352 --> 00:19:56,959
Oh hey, Mark, would
you mind, uh, saving me?
478
00:19:57,728 --> 00:19:58,997
Woah! What the hell?
479
00:19:59,030 --> 00:20:00,567
Woodshop is closed!
480
00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:04,174
No computers allowed in
the wood shop!
481
00:20:04,207 --> 00:20:06,178
Security alert 285:
482
00:20:06,211 --> 00:20:07,915
malevolent entity detected.
483
00:20:07,948 --> 00:20:09,819
Initiating maximum force.
484
00:20:10,286 --> 00:20:12,824
Whoa holy...
Yo this is pretty nuts.
485
00:20:24,816 --> 00:20:25,818
Take this!
486
00:20:25,884 --> 00:20:27,721
Uh, I'm thinkin' we get the
hell out of here,
487
00:20:27,821 --> 00:20:29,725
what are you think?
- Uh okay, yeah.
488
00:20:35,369 --> 00:20:38,242
Man, I guess high school
really has changed.
489
00:20:38,242 --> 00:20:39,745
You can say that again.
490
00:20:55,043 --> 00:20:57,514
Goodbye, old friend.
491
00:21:05,329 --> 00:21:08,603
So, Mr. Bouchard.
You're looking fresh.
492
00:21:08,703 --> 00:21:11,810
Three months of rehab-arino
will do that to you.
493
00:21:11,943 --> 00:21:14,381
I guess you could say I had
my own, personal
494
00:21:14,414 --> 00:21:15,750
"Whiskey Rebellion."
495
00:21:15,850 --> 00:21:17,687
Alright well,
we're proud of you,
496
00:21:17,721 --> 00:21:19,725
and the students are grateful
to have you back.
497
00:21:19,759 --> 00:21:21,494
Alright well,
catch ya on the flip!
498
00:21:23,934 --> 00:21:26,572
STU? Where have you been?
499
00:21:26,605 --> 00:21:30,143
Time to bring back woodshop.
37606
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