Original subtitles

POLICEWOMAN OF THE VICE SQUAD

Motherfucker!

POLICE STATION

Everything's fixed for the arrival of the new chief tomorrow.

I hope so... It seems he's a pain in the ass.

Hello, lady copper.

Hi! Are you looking for someone?

My mother.

Hey... Show us your ID!

- What's your name? - Armandino.

- How long have you been looking for her? - A year.

A year? Where have you been all this time?

- Boarding with the nuns. - Boarding school?

- Did you run away? - Yes.

I thought he was suspicious. He's an escapee.

Have you never seen your mother again?

I looked for her everywhere and I decided to come to see you.

Good for you...! You did the right thing.

Tell me, what did your mother do?

She banged on a typewriter.

Or banged men probably.

Where did she work?

In a tall building.

On the fifth floor. In the northern districts.

What did I tell you? She was banging.

Do you know if she had a man friend?

A man who came to see her every night.

What did he look like?

He was...

Bigger than me...

A bit fat...

...not much hair, and he had a white car.

Come on, I promise you that we'll soon find her.

Come on.

You're crazy, I heard everything. He's a runaway!

We have to take him back to the boarding school.

He's no longer missing, you nincompoop.

Don't be insolent...

Don't forget I'm your fiance.

What are you doing here? This is not your sector.

I came to suggest a night of madness with me.

Unfortunately I'm on duty with Tarallo.

With me?

You can go have fun by yourself.

My patience has its limits.

Well, you know what...?

You asked for it!

Lets' go.

I tell you, I can no longer control myself.

You see what happens, when you spurn me...?

If I don't release this raw force, I'm going to do something stupid!

And don't forget that you'll be the only one responsible.

Maybe I can help you release something...

But first, you're going to do me a favour.

You'll welcome little Armandino at your home.

Are you nuts?

You want me to hide an escapee in my house?

I don't want to go with him.

Why not?

Come on, be a good boy.

My Arturo isn't so bad. Just a bit bad-tempered.

I'd say he's an idiot.

That's it, understand?

It's a good one, eh?!

You bastard!

Let's go. It's getting late.

What are you doing? You're totally pissed!

Long live Superintendent Scappavia!

Who paid with enthusiasm!

He spent all his salary on the meal he shouted!

Oh joy!

Holy mother of God...

You're good as a superintendent, but as a singer, you're a disaster.

Thank you so much!

On behalf of all, best wishes to the new superintendent!

Good night everyone.

Drive slowly!

He's really nice when he's drunk.

As usual in Italy, it ends with whores.

Stop, handsome! I'm the real deal!

Take a look... I'll show you something.

Even at night now? I'm not a night watchman!

- Nobody forced you. - No.

But... You told me we were seeing whores.

And instead, we're on duty.

I promised Armandino I'd find his mother.

So I need to find her pimp.

Not easy to find a little fatso in a white car.

There it is!

- It's him! - Yes!

- Go and hide quickly! - Yes.

Cold.

Cold.

So go to Chrysanthemum Street.

- And you drop dead! - I said nothing, Baroness.

Faggot!

Lukewarm...

- Take a look at that ham. - I'm vegetarian.

Getting hotter...

Red hot...

What an arse!

Gorgeous... top and bottom.

How much for a session?

30,000.

You pay for the room.

The cell? The room.

Bedroom.

You're well-stacked.

Is the room safe?

It's secure.

Security!

- Do you want to drive? - Come on, move over.

Alright. I've always loved women who take charge.

You're beautiful, so beautiful! My fingers are itching!

Yes it's secure.

Where do you come from?

- From the mountain. - I see a pair of them!

- What was that? - Nothing, nothing.

I'm in love with your breasts.

How beautiful and sweet you are...

And those thighs...

How about a preview?

That's enough!

You're so beautiful! I like it when you get angry!

You're a little wild!

I like you so much! I've got a hard-on like a donkey!

Stop that! You're tickling me!

You turn me on too!

Your little finger in your ear, that...

God almighty! Who are you?

Tremble and shit yourself! I'm gonna blow your brains out.

We'll take you to the vice squad.

What? You know who I am?

A fat pig!

Enough with your new car!

What do you want me to do?

Have you seen this baby? 180 K an hour without a murmur.

On and on about it!

I had a terrible night with whores.

1,2,3... The police is so beautiful... Make the most of it

You're crazy... I'm pissed off and you're singing!

Don't think about it any more... Life's too short.

- Kiss my arse! - Superintendent.

Just calm down.

I'll introduce you to the highly qualified staff.

What? A fight?

Two cats and two rats?

Don't worry, madam... We'll send a police dog.

It's our job. Don't you worry.

Where? Alright.

All right. Bye.

Okay, show me around.

- It's him? - Who?

It's him!

Yes, yes, it's him. It's the drum...

Nardecchia! We're not going to do a duet!

It's incredible!

He's the one who pointed his gun at me last night.

He said to me... “Tremble and shit yourself!”

Come here, you little bastard! Are you threatening me?

Who are you?

You have long teeth.

He's an escapee. You have to call the police.

- Hello? - Hello? Police?

- Yes, police. - Come quickly, there's an escapee!

- An escapee? - An escapee? Give me that.

- Is there an escapee? - Yes.

Give me his description.

Right away. He has a beige coat.

Beige coat. One moment.

Beige coat.

- Yes? - A striped suit.

A striped suit.

- A white shirt. - White shirt.

- And physically? - Bald.

Bald.

- Not tall. - Not tall.

- Not handsome. - Ugly.

- He's with a moustachioed man. - With a man with moustache...

And the address?

- 16 Giuseppe Verdi St. - 16 Giuseppe Verdi St.

- Giuseppe Verdi? - 16!

- Building 4. - Yes.

- The police station? - The police station.

- He has a beige coat, right? - Yes. That's it.

- Striped suit... - Yes.

- And he is ugly? - Yes, ugly.

- Bald? - Bald.

It was you who threatened a poor guy yesterday saying...

“Tremble and shit yourself”? - Yes.

Bastard! Is this a police station or a music hall?

He went insane!

He really is crazy!

Good thing you got it.

- Who? - The escapee.

Which escapee?

He's the new Superintendent. Mr Scappavia!

Me, Superintendent? With this face!

What a fool I am!

- I am the Superintendent. - Swear to it.

Excuse me, Superintendent. I will not do it again.

You really are cute. You too.

You are welcome.

I'll show you your new office.

- Everything was changed. - Everything must change! All of it!

Gone are the days when midgets apply to the police...

...with a letter from a minister to open the doors for him.

Take a look at this idiot!

Parking on a corner!

Call the tow truck right away.

I'll show him!

Come on, sir, calm down.

Superintendent Nardecchia! I've been looking for you all day.

You saw the beautiful gift I left for you yesterday?

You'll reconsider my request to transfer to the Vice Squad?

You're a gorgeous attribute... Sorry, valuable attribute...

sorry, precious...

But I can't accept such gifts.

I don't understand.

- What's wrong? - Take a look.

Him? I don't deal with pimps.

Miss d'Amico, you didn't understand...

Nardecchia? You lost weight. What soft skin!

I like you...

- Hands off, pimp! - Pimp?

Lord! She's crazy! I no longer have a liver.

- He's the new Superintendent. - No no!

Scappavia!

I only did my duty.

He's Scappavia!

Me, Scappavia.

You're sick?

Scappavia is my name!

I have an ulcer. I feel bad.

It's nothing. How do you feel now?

- Better. - That's better...

Now that you know each other, I'll go.

And for my request?

Be patient. You're not ready yet.

I only take officers showing a high rate of efficiency.

Am I efficient or not?

Very efficient. In every way.

We shall see.

Wait a minute... listen!

Do you know what I did?

I had a car removed which was parked on a corner.

- I even rammed it. - On a corner?

- A corner. - Here?

- And you rammed it? - Yes.

- Did a tow truck take it away? - Yes sir.

Why does this annoy you so much?

It's my car!

This time he's really pissed. Superintendent!

Stop!

My car! Stop!

- Superintendent Nardecchia! - My car!

Pardon. Did I hurt you?

No, I'm fine. Can you help me?

At your service.

It's my husband...

Does he hit you?

Every day. Before and after meals.

This morning he slapped me here.

And a punch on the chin.

He threw a TV at my head.

- Colour? - Black and white!

- Are you filing a complaint? - What's the point?

He used to be a good guy.

But he lost his mind because of a woman.

He gets angry with her and lets off steam with me.

It's classic.

Where do they see each other?

Every other day at her bachelor pad.

Do you want to stop him?

Oh no.

But I have an idea.

Tarallo?

You called me?

Come here.

At your service.

With the other Superintendent, did the buzzer work?

And why doesn't it work with me?

Excuse me...

It works!

- Tell me, Tarallo. - Yes.

We need to get to know each other.

Tarallo, is that it?

I don't meddle in your affairs, but I would like to know...

You and that crazy woman... What's her name again?

d'Amico.

So beautiful and so crazy.

How did you manage to join the police?

I passed the test.

- A test with a prize to be won? - No.

I have an uncle who's a cardinal.

I'll not say another word. Give him my regards.

- And Miss d’Amico? - Her uncle is...

The main thing is that she has an uncle.

It does not work. Like many things here.

- May I? - Of course.

Thanks.

With me, it doesn't work. It's because you have an uncle.

- Someone knocked. - Really?

Yes, they did.

They've knocked again.

Shall I open?

Should I do it?

As you wish, it's up to you.

So, shall I do it? Okay, I'll do it.

Come in!

- May I? - Please do.

Sorry for what happened.

No problem.

- Do you have a job for me? - Yes.

- You can go. - I have no secrets from anyone.

I'll be buggered! Pardon...

No one here has secrets from anyone.

Do you always have to shout everything from the rooftops?

Okay, come on.

Superintendent Nardecchia has it against you.

If he sees you there again with all those whores...

...he'll arrest you too.

- Boor! - Me?

No, Nardecchia.

All this for a misunderstanding.

A misunderstanding? Excuse me, but you make blunder after blunder!

You are in a small police station, not an American film...

....where a policewoman arrives and shoots...

Mamma mia!

I hit the Colosseum and the Capitol.

I had a heart attack.

Go tell to your friend Nardecchia who Gianna d'Amico is.

I saw.

She’s crazy as hell, that one!

Tarallo, here!

If someone calls for me, I'm not there.

I'm going to the bathroom.

The toilets, Tarallo!

Open the toilet.

- I open? - Open!

Hold.

Hurry up.

It's open.

Thanks, it's no longer needed.

No more bother!

Fernet-Branca has never upset digestion.

Not Fernet-Branca, but Gianna, yes!

You don't understand anything about women.

What do you know?

- I've learned things. - Be careful.

Look what I've become...

- Where's she going now? - I don't know.

Policewoman by day, hostess by night.

No one does this to me!

She's there. Maybe there's my mother.

That's certain. It smells fishy.

- Did you have fun? - A lot.

Gaston, my darling...

I've been waiting for half an hour. You make your Lella suffer.

But I...

- Is it Tuesday today? - Yes.

I was wrong. For me, it's the other days.

Excuse me madam. I thought it was Wednesday.

- Wednesday? Wednesday? - Darling...

- “Your Lella”? Bastard! - Forgive me.

Who do you take me for?

Don't hurt him. I love him so much!

I love him.

She loves him!

My hair!

And your fur coat was too big!

A fur coat!

- Of course. - What fur?

Even a fur coat!

The mink was perfect. Did you change the size?

- Even a mink! - You're talking to me?

Are you even jealous?

Open up, you turd!

I'll destroy you!

I'll teach you for stealing other people's men!

Wait a minute... I'm not finished with you!

Open up, scumbag! I'll poke your eyes out!

You too, traitor! Coward!

Stop, I don't even know her! I swear!

You don't know her and you offer her a mink?

You don't deserve me! I'm leaving!

No, don't leave me! Hold on!

What's she doing?

Look, she's coming out the window.

My God, she's crazy!

Gianna, what are you doing? It's dangerous, you'll get hurt!

She walks around half naked.

- It's a house of ill fame. - A what?

I said if she falls she'll be lame.

Be sensible!

Is this a time to do acrobatics?

You should have joined the paratroopers!

You're not going to get along, every time you come.

You're in no danger, I assure you.

Here, perhaps. But not at Crazy.

If Joe Maccherone knows that I am your spy, La Touraine...

...I'm finished.

Joe Maccherone...

I don't want to be liquidated.

Touraine...

Those involved in the trafficking of women.

Be serious. I’m at my wits' end.

I can't stand it anymore. I'm going crazy.

Come on, be brave. Don't be afraid.

Get me out of this place!

Why don't you give me work as a model?

I'm tired of being a stripper.

Maybe later.

You are too useful to me for knowing his schemes.

So what's the latest?

The girls go to the Middle East at the end of the week.

The go-between will bring the money.

The money?

- Are you sure? - Yes.

This is an opportunity to get back at him.

Maccherone will never get this money.

I want to know the meeting place with the Arab go-between.

I'm going to double-cross him.

Listen, Peter. If you loved me a little like before...

- But you push me away. - It's not the right time...

But I promise you that soon, you'll strip for no one but me.

Okay sweetheart?

Gianna! She's crazy!

There are things called doors!

- It's not true! - Gianna...

Cover your thighs!

What are you doing, dressed like that?

That's the way it is. But what were you doing here?

You follow me everywhere!

Gianna, have you learned anything about my mother?

I'm working to bring you good news.

In my opinion, there's no good news.

You come home late, you hang yourself from ropes...

As a police officer, I disapprove of you.

As a man, I am tired.

You made me father him and you abandoned me.

Say it, are you tired of Armandino?

- It's not just the kid. - Not in front of him.

Arturo is right.

There! You see? Even he says it.

Be careful, I forgive, but I don't forget.

You have one of those memories!

- Artoro? - What?

"Woman" means "problem".

Let's go.

Thank heavens I met you.

There's been a surprise...

My husband has become like he was before.

Very kind, caring.

An in bed! Well...!

I am happy for you, but I must leave you.

- Thanks. - It was nothing. Good luck.

It's open.

- Can I, Superintendent? - Come in.

- Good morning. - Oh, it's you.

- Come in, please. - Thanks.

I discovered something.

- I'm aware. - How do you know?

I guess.

A deal that concerns you.

That's a private matter.

But I signed up for the payments just to buy a fridge.

I'm talking about the white slave trade...

...and two guys who share the loot.

You know La Touraine, from Marseilles...

...and Joe Maccherone, the Italian-American?

Interested?

- It's a big thing, then. - It interests you?

How does it matter to me?

If it involves women, that’s Nardecchia’s job.

You wouldn't like to lead the vice squad?

Me? The vice squad? Yes!

I have a certain way with women.

Excuse me.

But I don't want to steal Nardecchia's position.

As you wish.

I'll see you out.

So you're not interested?

No, it's not...

What are you looking for, on the floor?

No, I noticed that here, it's always dirty.

Here, we never get the broom out.

Allow me...

- Goodbye, Superintendent. - Bye.

Cocozza... Do you know that chick?

- Who? - The one over there.

No, I don't know her.

She looks like a chick that I knew a long time ago...

...when I was in America.

That's it! Lilli Joyce! Lilli Joyce from Philadelphia!

Who?

Lilli Joyce from Philadelphia!

That's who it is.

Bring her in.

I don't know if he receives, at this hour.

It's not serious. I'll wait.

Loulou, let me... I'm taking care of it.

Damn!

What can I do for you?

I'd like to see the owner.

- It's you? - No, I'm his assistant.

- He's over there? - I'll accompany you. This way.

Thank you.

Are you the boss?

I'm looking for a job.

What type of work?

I sing.

Of course.

With such a physique, you sing and you dance.

Chief...

What do you want, Coco?

OK very good.

So, let's look at the legs.

- Thighs... - What?

If you sing, you have to show your legs.

- They are beautiful. - More more.

A bit higher.

- More, more... - No!

Lively!

What are you saying?

What, “more”? More!

Higher, higher!

Alive!

She's a live one!

Come on, a little restraint!

She's beautiful. OK.

It's me who says OK.

He's the one who says OK.

OK, agreed. What are you singing for us?

What are you singing?

You know...

“Pornography”?

- You know... - What?

I have the impression that she's not an easy woman.

Me too.

But women have an opening...

...a weak point.

And they don't know how to say no...

...to certain things.

For example, a mink coat.

Or again, I don't know...

maybe a...

ba... ba...

- A baby? - No, a bank account.

Nardo Giacomo

Caffiero Pasquale

Carmine Giovanni

To me, they are all the same.

Tarallo!

I'm coming!

Saint Tarallo!

- You called me? - Come here.

- Come here, Tarallo! - Yes.

Why does the buzzer never work?

It never rings!

Doesn't it ring?

It rang!

With me, never! With you, always!

Try.

I even made myself finger pain.

Try again.

It rang. For me!

- It's still ringing! - Yes.

With me, the buzzer got angry!

I'm going to stop that damned noise!

- May I try? - All right.

It got stuck.

You want me to have an ulcer and die?

I'm gonna kick you to kingdom come!

Help, help!

- Gianna feels bad. - I feel bad.

What has she done now?

I need to lie down.

She looks pale. What's going on?

Holy mother of God!

- How do you feel? - Good. And you?

Bad.

My head is heavy. I have a weight that...

Here, miss.

That's it, we just have to play, it's better.

All things considered,

I'm giving you a pass.

80, 100, 2,000 days. What do you want?

I'm giving you a pass for the ministry.

“I authorise ”

Tarallo!

At your service.

- There may be no ink. - Yes.

Let me try?

- It's gone. - Left.

There's no more to do!

I did a careful job.

- And the painting? - It's like new.

Even for my wife, I wouldn't do it.

Did you put in new panels?

I said that even for my wife, I wouldn't have applied myself as much.

Get out of the way!

See that? I did nothing.

I saw.

- Are you still mad at me? - Of course not.

- I'm going, Superintendent. - I'll go to the garage.

- You don't want to hire me? - It's not that...

But the Vice Squad is a difficult work environment.

And you don't seem suitable to me for certain situations.

In certain circles...

You underestimate me.

If I told you that I uncovered sex-trafficking in women?

- Really? - Yes.

If I give you proof, will you hire me?

Well, you bring me the proof and then we will see.

Thank you, Superintendent Nardecchia.

Don't worry, I'll show you some beautiful ones!

I promise you.

My God no!

Let me see!

Just a minute!

One minute, please.

Hold on...

You see?

I'm Loulou. And you? What's your name?

Lily Joyce.

- Can you help me? - Of course.

- Are you the new singer? - Yes.

I bet he hired you before even hearing you.

His eyes are longing, and not just his eyes.

You're nice, you know.

- We should become friends. - Of course.

Unity is strength.

I have to go.

I'm going to do my act.

Ciao!

Teresa Porcheddu.

“For mummy, Armandino.”

So... She’s Armandino’s mum.

POOR BLIND MAN

Liar!

What a weirdo!

I know that one.

That's Teresa the Sardinian.

She was a whore from the northern suburbs.

Pierre, I managed to find out what interests you.

There are 25 girls embarking.

- At the river port. - Excellent work.

And tell me, the middleman with the money?

Money? Dollars.

Perfect.

I'll make believe that it was Joe who stole everything.

When will you take me?

Don't be impatient. We'll talk about it again after the operation.

We must take stock calmly.

Miss d'Amico, the madwoman, who should be in bed with a fever of 40...

...was seen in broad daylight in a night bar. A night club.

Because she was following a prostitute who walked in front.

The prostitute in front, d'Amico behind...

- And you, behind both. - Without bragging...

And you discovered that the prostitute is Teresa the Sardinian.

Yes.

- Are we sure? - I saw her photo in the archives.

I had stopped her when I was in Vice.

- You were in Vice? - Yes.

- The name of the venue? - Crazy Night.

It's English, it means "crazy night."

- You speak English? - No.

- So why do you say yes? - I trust you.

- The name of the owner? - A certain Joe...

Try to remember, Joe?

- Bucatini. - "A l'amatriciana".

- Spaghetti? - Carbonara style.

Tagliolini, ravioli, angel's nests...

- Joe Maccherone. - Tomato sauce.

Maccherone, the Italian-American?

That's it, now I understand D'Amico's shenanigans better!

She wants to investigate on her own and overtake me.

But I'll have it wrapped up.

I just need your help.

- I can trust you? - Yes, Superintendent.

- You're going to Crazy Night. - Yes.

- You've understood everything? - No.

- Was I clear? - Yes, Superintendent.

Arturo, the way is clear!

Yes, shush!

Wait for me there.

I told you to wait for me here. I have serious work to do.

I know very well you're going to see a whore.

A whore? Who taught you these bad words?

Anyway, it's not true.

So why don't you take me?

Because you don't have a tie. Understood?

- Do you have one? - No.

You can't enter here without a tie.

Stay here and be good.

A table, sir?

I'm looking for a friend, but I don't see her.

Take a seat, and find her later.

- It's nice here. - Come on.

- Did you hurt yourself? - No.

It's the walking!

This one looks like a mafia boss.

There are some that we shouldn't let in.

- Does this suit you? - Certainly!

What would you like?

A J and B, without ice.

What a show!

Sir.

A beautiful girl!

Very good.

She's reminds me of someone.

Gianna!

What are they doing?

What are you doing dressed like that?

Don't you recognise me? I'm Arturo.

What are you doing like this?

- Go away! - You dare slap me?

Cover yourself! Lights!

No, turn it off!

That's enough! Come here!

She defends the Mafioso!

What is she doing? Is she hitting our men?

Go away, that's enough!

Take this!

You didn't introduce her to me!

It's always the same with you.

Afterwards, we explain.

I have nothing to do with it!

Leave her alone!

I'm coming!

- You called me? - Tarallo? Come in.

- What's up? You're scared? - Yes.

As if by chance...

The pen does not write, the bell does not ring...

and the lighter doesn't light! It doesn't light up!

Come here.

- Pardon. - It lit up.

It works!

- Tarallo? - Yes?

The door.

- It is open. - Yes.

- Is anyone there? - No.

Calm down. May I?

Come here.

Pardon.

Your hand. Your hand!

Are you angry?

Why this? I just have an ulcer!

I have to stay calm. So.

I'm thinking of one thing.

You are not the same size as Arturo...

...but stupid question, you are the same!

What do you think of Arturo?

- Who? - The moustachioed one.

Ah, the one dating D'Amico.

I wanted to be sure, I wanted to get your opinion,

because in my opinion... He's stupid?

If it's you who says it, it must be right.

I gave him an important mission at Crazy Night.

It will still do anything and because of him...

You should not have. You should not have.

What?

You are right. I can go with you.

- Me? - Yes.

- To Crazy Night? - To Crazy Night.

We're both going to Crazy Night...

- And we'll settle all that. - Why didn't I think of it?

We're both going to Crazy Night.

You, as a cop. Me, as Superintendent.

"Good evening, nice to meet you, we came to dance,

“a few steps of rock 'n roll!”

- Superintendent Scappavia. - Nice to meet you, Tarallo.

- Have something? - Liquid or solid?

- Liquid, and you? - I'll serve you.

Liquid? I serve you. Look.

You bastard!

We'll go dancing rock at Crazy Night?

It's not necessary for us to be recognised!

I have a little idea. Maybe a good idea...

What do you looking at?

Look at that, two faggot cops!

How do you know we're cops?

You walk like chickens.

What a cute kid!

Hi kid. Don't tell anyone.

Say something, kid, and I'll break your neck.

And don't drink too much.

Hello, Marc Antony.

- What type of people! - I'm used to them.

Good evening, are the ladies alone?

Please, this way.

- This way please. - Thanks.

- Would you like some champagne? - Champagne?

- Oh yes! - Who pays?

- Not me. - A lemonade and two straws.

Pardon?

A lemonade and two straws.

We don't have that.

Fountain water?

- That's it, yes. - 2 fountain waters!

What's that?

Tap water.

On the rocks.

Ladies, please be serious.

Okay, we'll order later.

You pretend to go pee and you call.

Beautiful blonde!

Cutie...

The blonde is yours.

Smile, come on.

What handsome boys!

She's the woman of my life. What thighs...!

Oh, my garter!

Good!

Yes, good! She has one of those arses!

The woman of my life! You're the one!

Me?

You're a bit flat-chested, but I like you. Delightful!

What excitement!

She's naked.

Holy shit, what tits!

How beautiful you are...

Calm down, let's...

Do you look?

What a beautiful chest, huh?

It's very firm.

What are you looking at?

She's cute.

- Drink, drink. - No, I'm drunk.

Cheeky bastard!

Do you know you're nice?

Can I ask you something?

Here's the question... do you know a certain Joe Maccherone?

- Why? - Oh, nothing.

Can we talk one to one?

Can we talk in private?

You can trust me. My name is Judas.

- Iscariot? - No way. Judas Cicconi.

So, since your name is Judas...

- You had dinner? - Yes.

So you've had your last supper, and now you're going to betray me!

Do not pay attention. I'm a joker!

I like jokes.

Since your name is Judas, tell me where Joe Maccherone is.

- Do you take me for a spy? - No darling.

I have a friend who is a Superintendent...

...who openly flirts with me.

He always touches me here.

And if I tell him where Maccherone is, it will make him happy.

I see... you know a Superintendent...

- Yes, that always touches me here. - Oh yes?

What is it?

I'll be right back.

You're beautiful, my darling!

Where are you going? To the garden of olive trees?

I love the blonde, she’s beautiful!

Stay calm.

- What? - Silence!

Then I'll kill you.

- Tell me, Cocozza. - What?

- Where is the boss? - In his b...

In his office! Shh!

Come in!

Hello boss.

What is it?

Well, we have a nice surprise for you.

- Where? - In the garage.

Come along, my chickadee!

Calm down.

- Are you bewitched or something? - Yes.

- I want to get engaged to you. - That's it.

You must keep your word, Judas. You're going to tell me everything.

Don't worry, Judas always keeps his promises!

- Who is that? - I don't know.

We got you!

Judas kissed me. It was shit.

Well done!

Look at this handsome boy!

It must be Maccherone!

You lost weight!

So you know a Superintendent, eh?

And you might be a spy.

No way...!

Let's not exaggerate anything!

He is Superintendent Scappavia!

Tell them!

He laughs.

Superintendent...

So I kissed a Superintendent?

Why? Say right off how badly I kiss!

How awful!

And who did I have the honour of?

Constable Tarallo, 3rd District, nephew of the cardinal...

...and son of... - Son of a bitch!

He is cute!

So, you're a cop!

Nobody's perfect. I like you anyway.

Take them!

Operation Superman!

- We were passing by. - We wanted to see you.

Not me!

Ready? We'll do a nice group photo.

Come together.

- Tidy your hair. - They look smart.

Come on, smile. Ready?

Are you touching my butt?

- Tarallo, watch out! - There's no one?

Bastards!

Code 84 with escape!

Catch them! Don't let them get away!

- What are you doing? - I'm tired.

- So what? - And I'm cold.

Ah, she's cold.

Yes, she's cold...

Come on, Arturo!

Code 122, American film!

Hold the scarf.

- Very good, well done! - Thanks.

- Stay here. I'm going upstairs! - Yes sir.

Wait, Superintendent!

Wait a minute, I'm going to kill you!

You wanted to steal from me!

Well, well... Leave it all here...

...so I don't waste time.

Come on... hurry up.

That's it for you, for train fare. Now, the suitcase.

- I'm going to throttle you. - Not the throat!

- No, not the throat. - Yes.

It's me who's throttling you.

- Me first. - No!

- Can I slap one of you? - Which one?

I'll teach you!

- Pass me the chair! - Well I'm leaving!

What strength!

Come quickly, Cocozza!

Hurry up!

Wait, take this.

Quickly, get to the car!

- Hello boss. - Good morning.

- Quickly! - Just a moment!

The police!

Stop! Where are you going like that?

Mummy!

Armandino!

Mummy!

Leave my mother alone!

Tarallo, scratch me!

Go away!

There's the other idiot! Where's d'Amico?

You pair of dirty fags!

You don't recognize me, stupid? I am the Superintendent!

Let go of me!

Leave her alone.

Officer d'Amico, what are you doing here?

I'll explain it to you. Stop them.

Leave me alone!

Don't touch me! This is my day!

You don't recognise us? Stop it!

I'm Superintendent Scappavia! I'm transferring you to Sardinia!

You have no shame, with a child like that?

Just go. Try to change your life, okay?

- Thanks. - Think about your son.

- Ciao, Armandino. - Ciao, Gianna.

Gianna! Wait for me!

I'm coming with you!

Stop it yourselves, you bastards!

- Let's go! - I'm the one driving!

These damned tights!

What, are you leaving already?

We'll catch them in the act.

If we continue like this, I'm going to break a record.

What is this car? Is there a fucking backup?

We must act quickly!

They're following us.

- Where were you? - I was getting some fresh air.

Come on, come here.

You drink? Drink with me.

Lace...

- Delicate lingerie. - Of course, I'm flirtatious.

- I'm going to give you one! - I'm fed up, understand?

Oh, you're fed up, are you?

I don't drink!

Women fall into my arms!

Have you been driving for a long time?

- Five years? - Five days.

Okay, everything is fine.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

Is he a diver?

Again!

Diver, eh? Now it's me who's laughing!

I didn't get anything!

I got nothing!

Luckily, I know how to swim!

It's pee... Pierre!

I saw him, don't worry!

I'll take care of him.

Stop! What are you doing?

I'll take the loot! This time, it's me!

You won't get me. I'll arrive first!

Try to follow me!

To all patrols...

This is officer d'Amico. Request reinforcements on the D4.

Fast cars with suspects on board.

Monitor them until the river port.

Intervene only if necessary.

Over and out.

In the movies, we always catch them...

But here, never!

Do you have lipstick?

Tarallo? Wouldn't you be a little...

Myself? That's it!

I know her! I arrested her for prostitution!

- Quick, follow that whore! - Right away.

I want to arrive alive, not in a hearse!

Go ahead, we've caught them!

Get closer!

So, you bitch! I know you!

3 years for speeding!

And you, fuck off for life!

You know what? You disgust me!

You know what, Nardecchia?

She's making fun of me!

- Did you slow down? - Not at all, Superintendent.

We're going slower.

It's so good to make love when the sea is rough.

Come and see, guys!

Look at this!

They think they're at a hotel?

Will you leave some for me?

He's keeping it all!

You'll be fined for prohibited parking!

What a bunch of voyeurs!

Let's find somewhere quiet.

What is it?

It's biting!

It's what? A swordfish?

Help! Help!

I want to get off!

Oh no! This money is mine!

Finally!

Come open up for me, you bastard! I'm a woman!

We'll catch them!

They're all in the water!

- I'm going to dive. - No me.

- No, I'm diving. - No me.

I'm going to dive!

- Who is the Superintendent? - YOU.

So dive in.

Come on hurry up.

It always ends with legs in the air.

- What is this fish? - It's what?

And the white slave trade? I don't see anything here.

- Come with me, I have everything arranged. - So everything's fine.

- The girls are here. - Slow down, I have heels.

I'll look.

Why are you shouting like that?

Come on, inside!

Inside, damn it!

Inside, move along, you idiots!

I gave you a beautiful gift!

Where do you think you are? Inside! You dirty whore!

Don't you recognize me?

Don't allow yourself to pronounce my name.

- Are you the Eternal Father? - You disgust me!

Bunch of bastards! You don't recognize me?

- Insulting a public official! - I'll tear out your 4 hairs!

Shitty Superintendent! Let's explain!

Everyone to Vice Squad HQ!

And you... Don't get involved in my cases anymore, understand?

We decorate Officer Tarallo for his valuable contribution...

...to the arrest of that terrible gang...

...of Joe Maccherone and Pierre La Touraine.

Thank you.

Decoration also for Officer Gianna d'Amico...

...who, thanks to her effectiveness and her boldness...

...was the backbone of this operation.

Well done!

Thanks! I'm Arturo, her fiance.

- Congratulations. - Thank you.

Well done, young lady.

Now let's applaud the new director of the Vice Squad...

Mr Scappavia...

..who brilliantly ran the operation to arrest Joe Maccherone...

... who led the operation Joe Maccherone...

...with zeal and speed.

Thank you so much.

Congratulations.

To you too.

For you, a long kiss.

You too, Brigadier. Thanks.

Thank you so much. I am moved.

- What an exceptional day! - Come, let me kiss you.

Always on the hand!

Don't touch her!

I see you're a little sad... don't get discouraged.

I was transferred.

A small island, not even indicated on the maps.

It doesn't matter, as long as we don't send the police dogs.

He looks like a kid. You crying?

Give me your number. That way, I'll call you...

...and we'll have a chat.

Come on, don't cry.

Wait, I'll show you something which will make you laugh.

Look at this.

Wait, wait.

You saw it? Look at it.

When Tarallo did it to me, I didn't believe it. But it's gone.

With Scappavia, any stain goes away.

It's gone?

It's not going away...

I'm coming!

It's nothing at all!

Scappavia, is that you?

Try to remove this stain!

Sorry, is that you, Mr. Scappavia?

That's me. Why?

- A package for you. - Tarallo.

- Open it. - It's a gift. It ticks.

It must be a clock. It's my aunt.

- Or a bomb. - A sex bomb.

It's a clock, and that's all!

- I say it's a bomb. - A bomb!

Be careful, it's a bomb!

What do you say, Gianna? A bomb?

What bomb, you idiots? Give me that!

Give me that cuckoo clock!

I'm going to transfer you all!

Gianna, come on! I will save you!

Give me that!

Give me that cuckoo clock, idiot!

You are a bunch of idiots! You are afraid!

It's from my aunt!

If it was a bomb, it would have already exploded!

Give me that clock! It's a gift from my aunt!

Throw it away!

Why me? I delivered it!

Watch out!

Here, my son.

Give it to me!

I'll break your skulls!

Give me that, you bastards!

Sons of bitches! That's enough!

Son-of-a-bitch!

It's not a bomb. It's a clock!

A bomb...

If it was a bomb, it would have already exploded.

Otherwise, what a bad timer!

What time is it?

12 noon.

Did the Superintendent fly away? I see nothing.

- Here he is. - Superintendent!

He's red hot!

Superintendent, say something.

“Hello from prison. Yours Faithfully...

“Joe Maccherone.”

How nice he is, not forgetting us!

You son of a bitch!!

Subtitles by FatPlank for KG