Original subtitles

This programme contains very strong language, discriminatory language and adult humour.

She's lucky we're not expelling her.

She showed pornography to the whole of sixth class

and in the new media room at that.

I'm sorry.

Let me... Let me get this right.

Layla was streaming porn?

Horrendous porn. Horrendous?

Yes. Horrendous.

Horrendous? Really?

My God! I'd never have expected it from Layla.

I don't know what to say.

Like, what are we talking about here? Pardon?

Well, you said horrendous porn.

Like what?

Sam.

I'm just saying, horrendous porn sounds pretty fecking bad, right?

I just want to know, like, what are we dealing with?

Like...

Animals? Animals?

God, no! Not animals!

Sam! No. Good, great. Thank God.

Hamdullah.

So is it higher or lower than animals?

What? Sorry?

The film. Horrendous-wise.

Was it higher or lower than animals?

Stop talking, Sam!

OK. No. Good.

It doesn't really matter.

I was just...

Anyway...it's pretty bad.

HE CLICKS HIS TONGUE

Get the picture.

BISCUIT CRUNCHES

SHE SIGHS

Trace?

I wasn't taking the piss.

That's the point, you tit.

You were genuinely asking Mrs Sink what genre of porn it was!

I was trying to gauge...! Like she would know the difference.

It was a massive cock on a projector in front of 12-year-olds.

She probably thought it was a film about frankfurters,

for fuck's sake.

Look. Relax, Trace, just... Stop telling me to relax!

I'm just saying I'm here, too.

Oh, Christ, Sam. You've even convinced yourself.

You should be in Vegas!

You're like the world's greatest magician.

How you can be in two places at one time is fucking mind-boggling.

I'm here, amn't I? I'm here!

You're here, but you haven't been here for fucking years!

You are a useless man.

All you do is sit polishing that typewriter.

You do nothing! Nothing with the girls.

You don't work, you don't cook, you don't write,

pay bills, nothing!

You don't even fuck.

All you do is drain me.

All your promises and bullshit.

It's fucking over!

Trace.

No more fuck ups, I promise.

VAN HONKS HORN, TYRES SCREECH

Tracy!

PHONE CHIRPS

Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Just give me a sec, OK?

You know how much I love you.

OK?

We're a family...

..whatever happens.

Mummy had an accident, she's...

She's in hospital, but she's very, very sick.

Oh, Tara's mum said she was dead!

They're not even sure if she's ever gonna...

Will I make her a card?

Thank God she's alive! I thought she was...

Actually, she is dead.

What?

Actually, she is. She is dead.

You said she was in hospital, sick.

Where is she?

She's in hospital.

So she's not dead?

No. No, she...

No, she's in hospital, but she's gone.

Her body's in the hospital.

Are you sure she's dead? Yep.

Why would you say she's alive if she wasn't?

I...

I'm sorry.

Oh, fuck.

Sorry for you. Thank you.

CAR APPROACHES

Come here.

Here, put this in for us, it's doing my head in.

Hi. This is Zu, Sam.

Sorry, just have to ask.

You didn't actually meet on the flight, did you?

Yeah, we did. Why though, Zein?

Um, sorry your wife is, er...

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT ..dead.

Thank you. Sweet.

Nice. All done.

So good to see you, man.

Yeah. Good to see you, too, Zein.

Was, er...

Was she chasing it?

What?

The ice cream van. Was she...?

Was she chasing it? No, no. No? No, she was 44.

It's just sometimes if they see you, they drive faster, you know?

It's like a power thing or something.

My cousin Azuya, her boyfriend was ice cream man.

He was motherfucker.

Literally. He actually... Sorry.

Sorry. Can I just grab you, just for a sec?

Do you mind? Sorry, Zu, sorry.

What the fuck? Do you know how much I need this today?

She has got to go. OK?

Come on, I promised her now.

Well, unpromise her.

It's a wake, not a trip to Eurodisney.

CAMERA CLICKS

What is she doing?

Selfies.

She is not staying the night. OK?

Oh! Please, Zein, the girls are inside,

they keep asking for you.

Fine. Go on! Fine.

CAMERA CLICKS

Sorry. Uh, do you want to go with him?

Yes. Thank you.

CAR ENGINE STARTS

Hey, Tracy.

I know we didn't always get along.

I know you wanted the best for Sam, so...

I guess I'll...

I'll see you around.

You look great.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Hello. Hello. Hello.

TAPS ON GLASS

OK.

OK.

Cormac... Mum, It's fine.

Tracy...

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Tracy's my sister and she would have wanted

you all to be just happy today.

So...

..going to play a little song that she really liked.

# Baby, baby back

# Wanna get pissed, wanna get smashed. #

It's all good. It's a happy day.

Celebrate.

# Baby, baby back

# Wanna get pissed, wanna get smashed... #

Sounds good. That's it, Rosemary.

That's it. Come on.

You know. Get up here.

Join the party.

She knows.

Rosemary knows.

She's with the programme.

Watch your hip, Rosie.

SHE LAUGHS

LOUD KISSES

All right, all right.

OK. Oh!

All right.

SHE LAUGHS

Ruby don't mind.

It's Tracy. Yes.

No, no, no.

Oh, Jesus!

Fuck!

It's everywhere. No, just her...face.

Oh, shit. And there on her neck.

Oh, poor Ruby! Can't get a break.

Tracy. Her name is Tracy.

Put the lid on it. What?

Pull. Put the lid down on her.

Shh-shh!

I'll put you down. Just...

I'm trying to think. Just let me think.

A Mr Cohen crashed into her?

No, no, Mr Cone.

The ice cream man.

Oh! I thought it was Mr Cohen from number 23.

I tried a falafel.

Gorgeous!

Not spicy at all.

ZEIN: No, no, no.

Who's your man?

Well, that's, uh, that's Zein, Sam's brother.

Well, half brother.

He's an actor, lives in London.

No idea who she is, though.

God, I hate Mrs Tilly.

Hope she chokes on her shawarma.

Not ready to say goodbye, Trace.

This family doesn't work without you.

I'm so sorry.

HE MUTTERS UNDER HIS BREATH

Oh, God.

OK.

Oh.

KNOCK ON DOOR

WOMAN: Sam?

I'm coming. Just give me one second, please.

Here we go.

This'll look much better.

Now it's OK.

Sam? Can I come in?

I'm coming, just give me a second, please!

DOOR OPENS

Mum?

Sam.

What have I done?

I think it's time.

CALL TO PRAYER PLAYS

CALL TO PRAYER CONTINUES

There's no milk. Again.

I'll have toast. Yeah, great.

I need some money. I'm not made of money, Lina.

Lina, goggles. Yeah.

Tell him there's no milk. And he needs to do the bins,

I can't fit any more in.

HE SCOFFS

Nancy?

Did you give Nancy her...? Do you mind not doing that in my face?

It's like getting a speeding ticket off a hooker.

Oh! Oh, that's nice.

Bit of hostile sexism when we haven't even had breakfast yet.

They're called sex workers.

Have you decided about the ski trip?

Everyone in my year is going.

It's expensive, Layla. I'm thinking about it.

Go get me Nancy's medicine.

Now, Layla, now!

Nancy, see if my wallet's in the kitchen.

Oh, good girl!

She's wearing that stupid hat.

You're wearing a stupid hat.

Sorry, I'm busy. Can I ignore you another time?

Shh! Please. I need change.

Yes. Yeah? OK. Goodbye.

Just think about the ski trip.

You can take it out of my college fund.

Absolutely. Come on, you.

Got your bag? OK.

College fund. Kiss my arse. Open.

Attagirl! Now come on.

Your hand, Nancy.

OK, look. So, tomorrow... Oh, shit, your lunch.

I made my lunch, Baba.

When? In the morning.

Who made it? Me.

I'm just not very good at buttering the bread yet.

I'm still practising.

It's OK. It's not your fault.

But like you say, Baba,

Amins never give up.

HE SIGHS

I'm not a very good, daddy, am I?

You're the bestest daddy.

You're just not a very good mummy yet.

I'm sorry.

We're still living. I know. Thank you.

This, this hat. Is it a seasonal thing?

Like, how long are you going to wear it for?

Um, until I'm dead. Oh, God.

Thanks, sir. I'll let him know.

I feel bad. What if the school rings Baba?

As if! I told them he's suicidal.

You haven't a clue.

The story's got to be layered, Layla.

It's fucking genius.

Look at him there.

Seriously?

I'd lick Jake Rooney's eyeballs.

I would eat him.

Num-num-num-num! Shut up!

You're so gross!

NANCY LAUGHS

Baba should say something to Nancy about that stupid hat.

Christmas is such nonsense anyway.

She's wearing that ratty thing on her head.

Why? Because she used to believe in some...

some magical made-up man who doesn't exist just to help her get

through the day. Seriously?

What?

That it?

I thought you had cancer or something!

Cancer of my heart, Sammy!

It's OK to be upset. To feel something.

You're not a table, are you?

Wind it in. You're an upset Muslim man with a backpack.

It's not a great look.

Three months, Sammy.

Nothing.

You don't say anything to anyone.

Don't answer the telephone to anyone.

I'm your father.

It's enough now.

Talk to me, please.

Speak! What do you want me to say?

I miss her?

I miss her.

You know, I disliked her very much.

Wow. I can actually feel myself healing.

Really is good to talk to you, Pop, but I'm finding it...

Shut up!

Listen.

I hated her.

But you don't just instantly love someone, Sammy.

This is the problem with your generation -

you think you meet someone and you're in love.

Let me tell you, love is always the same.

Doesn't matter if it's a wife or mother or son.

The same.

It happens over time.

Then one day, without even noticing...

..you just fall for them.

I loved Tracy.

HE SOBS

HE MOUTHS

Yeah?

HE SIGHS

Call Zein.

Zein?

I would rather give myself a rectal exam with a soup spoon

than call Zein. He desecrated my wife's...

What's wrong?

Let's go. Look, Sammy.

Wow, wow, wow!

Fucking "wow" is right.

Fancy seeing you here.

Hey, Cormac. "Shalaam shellac", boys.

I wish you'd stop fucking saying that.

It's "salaam alaikum", Cormac.

He knows what it is.

What is that? Is that a muffin?

It's that or a chocolate orange. Ugh, lame.

Did Sam organise this party?

Why are you always ragging on him? Because he fucks everything up.

It's not his fault. He's trying his best.

Oh, please don't. Nancy's scarred for life.

Why do you think she's waltzing around like Buddy the Elf?

Because of him.

Light the muffin and let's get out of here.

Feel bad we didn't tell him we're here.

Oh, shut up, shut up, shut up!

You're ruining this. This is about Mum, Layla.

He just fumbles around and fucks everything up.

He-he's a writer who can't even write.

He can't even get out of bed in the morning or do a shop or...

You sound just like Mum!

So he's not perfect, but he's sweet and he's our dad, and he's...

Pathetic. It's called pathetic, Layla.

Stop talking about him like that.

Ah, you just feel bad because Mum was there because of you.

Now you're making up for it with your praying and hijab.

Whatever.

It's cool.

SHE SIGHS

It's just not your fault.

It's his.

CORMAC SLURPS NOISILY

Mmm!

HE SMACKS HIS LIPS

They've got real strawberries in that, Mum.

Sorry, what is this fecking thing?

It's a plant. I know it's a plant.

Oh, I don't know what it's called.

Layla liked it. I was going to give it to her.

I see she's still wearing the... hurr-urr-urr.

It's a hijab. The headscarf's called a hijab, Dympna.

Well, it's better than that letterbox thing.

OK. So...this is great, but I'm going to go.

I'm going to break up this little, er...

Sammy, this is not an intervention.

I didn't say it was an intervention.

No-one here is judging you.

Although that is a very intervention-y thing to say.

We are all worried for you.

For the girls. It seems...

Honestly, I think you could be, pal.

We're talking about Sam being suicidal here, right?

No, you fucking gobshite.

No-one's thinking that, Sammy.

But the girls mentioned that the house was...

Well, no, that doesn't matter.

It's not easy, is it?

I mean, we know it's not.

And you're on your own now.

And, um...well...

..Zein is such a sweetheart.

And the girls - they love him.

Yeah. Now I remember what it's called.

It's called an ambush. Move, Cormac! Sammy... Let me out now!

No! Sammy, Sammy...

Bullshit.

Does he know you, er... asked Zein to come?

MO TUTS

That could be the Isis on the cake, Mo.

Isis...on the cake.

KEY SNAPS

Sam?

Sam! Sam!

Sam!

Sam!

Yes? Yes, Miss Tilly?

I believe this...this is yours.

Sorry, Mrs Tilly.

Sam! Sam!

Yes, Mrs Tilly?

Also, I believe this is your wheelie bin.

Not really coping very well, are you?

Falling apart, more like.

HE BREATHES SHAKILY

Sam!

Pick up that mess!

Sam!

HE ROARS

Pick all of that up, Sam!

HE ROARS

Lowering the tone of this neighbourhood!

MRS TILLY CONTINUES TO COMMENT

HE ROARS

HE SOBS

Huh? Hiya, binman.

Look, it's not a big deal, but, er...

..there's no milk.

SAM SOBS

# On every street, in every house

# In every shop in this country

# This is where we are

# This is where we are

# On every street, in every house

# In every shop in this country

# This is where we are

# This is where we are. #