Original subtitles

Why do we have the baby here today?

Because our Finnish nanny

actually had to go back to Finland,

so we're flying over a new Finnish nanny from Finland,

but there's a bit of crossover.

- So, Reynolds is just here for the day. - Mommy.

Yes, here comes the yolk.

Why can't you just get a local nanny, like a normal nanny?

A local nanny to fill Reynolds' mind with local news?

Absolutely not.

Finland has the best education system in the world.

Yeah, I'm really hungover, and it's really, really winding me up.

- Rah usually-- - Somebody's done a poopsy!

It's poopsy-poop time.

- Does Reynold's-- - Thank you.

Oh yeah, you need a changey?

Oh, you doing it, Rah?

Come on, time for change.

Bye-bye, Mama.

Bye bye, Mama.

Goodbye, my baby.

Rah tends to do all the dirty nappies, doesn't he?

I just can't stand the smell.

It was a bit much bringing the baby into the meeting.

We're all just a bit hungover after last night.

Well, maybe you shouldn't have drunk so much

- and actually paid attention. - Oh, my God.

To all the effort that was being put into the quiz night.

That's why we were drinking so much,

to get through such a horrific event, Judy.

Yeah, so anyway, just a reminder,

we've got the party in the staff room after work today for Sheree's birthday.

Yes, I'm looking forward to that, that'll be great.

Oh, I won't be able to make that, sorry.

I've been invited to compete in a running event, yep.

It must be nice to be wanted.

Yeah, that's...

Anyway, I'm just gonna do a whip around for some money for a present.

Oh, Rudy, I just need, I don't need, yeah, I'll, yeah.

Rudy, how much was that?

- Three-ninety. - Three-ninety?

- Do you want to give this much? - Not really.

- Well, how much do you wanna give? - Twenty five bucks.

That's so weird. Okay, well give him back the money.

Can you spot me 20?

So, filing's really, really important

to get those smooth edges, and then we add linseed oil.

Rightio, toot toot, okay.

- Hey. - Everything you need's

in the nappy bag, got a class.

But I, I'm in a class.

Yeah, I'm about to be in a really important class.

We're actually doing "Macbeth," you can imagine.

We're doing the witches scene, so it's gonna be like,

and I don't want Reynolds around that kind of--

I don't want him around that either, but you know,

I'm doing a very important project at the moment.

What could be so important in woodwork?

It's a breadboard.

- Breadboards? - Yeah, it's a breadboard. Yeah,

Can I see your breadboard?

That's probably not a good example.

What's that one?

It's a baguette board.

Oh, I don't have time for this. You're having Reynolds.

No filing, no banging, shh! Silent woodwork.

There were lots of positives about it.

Yeah, we all had a good time.

- Good night. - Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, it was a good night, eh?

Do you remember the quiz night?

Yeah, it was last night.

Okay, cool, well, just share with us what you remember.

I thought it was really well run.

I thought the, the effort that we put in, the students as well, really paid off.

A lot of money raised, obviously, so a massive success.

You do know it usually takes more than one person

to do a conga line, right?

- Well, how's that relevant to me? - Well, that's you.

You were congaing around the room.

You did a conga line.

Look, I was trying to get people to enjoy the night more

and sort of, you know, loosen up their purse strings

a bit to raise a bit more money for this school,

then I think job done.

I found you face down in the urinal.

Hm. I had a good time, so shoot me.

Well, that's good to hear that you had a great time.

- Thanks. - But I don't think the table of moms

that you exposed yourself to can say the same thing.

Even if I did do that, which, and I'm not saying I did,

because I don't remember any of it,

it would've been a, a flash, out, in, out, in.

- Oh! - That's how I do it.

So twice?

Twice normally, out, in, out, they're like,

"Did I just see that?"

"Yes, you did."

Yes, Marama?

Um, I don't think I should be here.

- Yeah, I think you're right. - Okay.

Off you go.

- Marama. - Thanks, Marama.

Just keep it to yourself, lovely.

Okay.

Hm, do you wanna fix the buttons on your shirt?

- Oh, God. - Ah!

Judy's really upset, isn't she?

- Yeah. - Hm.

- Because of you. - Me? What did I do?

Exactly, you don't remember.

You were calling her a talentless slut.

Simon, you've got a drinking problem.

What am I meant to do?

Am I meant to be like just sober all the time?

Yeah.

What you guys don't know

is that what's happening in my home life with my wife,

it's not what it used to be.

It's about time that possibly my wife

took a little bit of responsibility for my drinking, yeah.

Regardless, that's all stuff

that you're gonna have to deal with at home, so.

And you're lucky that no one's pressed charges.

I've got an idea for compromise.

Huh?

How about we press charges against my wife?

How about you take responsibility

- for yourself, Simon? - Exactly,

that's what I'll tell Sue, it's about time

she took some bloody responsibility around here.

No, no, you, Simon.

Yeah, I'll tell her.

What's the password?

- Drama is so cool and fun. - Lovely, very good, welcome.

Hey, it's your turn to look after Reynolds.

Oh, yeah, no, look, it's not gonna work.

I'm about to do a really important lesson in here.

Yeah, but I've got a class.

I've got a class, look, look, they're playing Zip Zap Zop already.

You said that we are sharing Reynolds.

So, here is Reynolds.

Get back here, Rah, you get back here.

Thou dost not leave thy babe, the fruit of your loins.

Hang on, Judy, you always say this kind of angry vibe

shouldn't be, he's absorbing that, absorbing the energy.

Oh, no, this is fine, we're his parents.

It's good for him to hear us fight, it's dramatic.

Reynolds will be able to draw on all of these feelings,

when he's an adult and go, "My father fucked me up."

- Eh? - Take him to your stupid woodwork class.

Judy.

Mr. Harrison, do you think you can come help me?

I actually can't, I'm busy with the baby, so.

I can't be in two places at once. I'm trying, okay.

Okay.

Oh!

Oh, I cut myself.

Ah, uh.

It's bleeding quite a lot, Mr. Harrison.

Milo, come here.

I'm kind of doing this, sir.

Can just come here for a second? Hurry up, come on out.

Yep.

Sorry, Mariah, I'll be with you in a second.

Are you sure about this?

Yep, Milo, this is Reynolds. Reynolds, this is Milo.

Okay, Mariah, let's have a look at your little cut.

Oh, it's, that's horrible.

Okay, um, gonna have to go the sick bay, okay.

- Hey, Sheree. - Hm?

G'day. Hey, could you do me a little favor?

Yes.

Could you please just get a message down to Georgina and Marama,

that we're not gonna go with Co-head Girls.

Oh. - We're gonna go with Student Leaders.

What about St. McLeod's College leaders? That's got a ring to it.

- Has it? - Yes.

- I reckon just Student Leaders is good. - All right then.

- Okay. - I'll let them know.

- Okay, thanks. - All right then.

Attention please.

The title of Head Girl has been scrapped.

Marama and Georgina will now not be known as Co-head Girls,

they will be known as St. McLeod's College Leaders.

Thank you.

- Oh, no. - Hey, bub.

What's going on?

Have you had a break today?

I mean, has Judy had him this morning?

No.

What?

When I first met you,

you looked like you were 10 years younger than me,

like you were vibrant.

How old are you now?

Thirty eight, oh, no, 30...

You can't even remember how old you are.

Why don't you go in the staff room?

Just put your fucking feet up, have a cup of tea

and let me just take Reynolds for a little bit.

I'll just take, I'll walk him around for you

and you don't have to worry, I'll do like four laps of the school.

- Oh, thanks, yeah. - No, you're all right.

I'll give you this, so that's got the nappies.

You changed a nappy before?

Piece of cake, mate.

- Be good. - Won't be long.

Yeah, okay.

Oh, hello.

Hi there, Sheree.

Where are you off to?

No, just taking this little one for a walk.

- Oh, it's good of you. - Yeah.

Hello.

You wanna wave?

Aw! Do you have kids?

Oh, I've got one, yeah.

Oh, really?

He's grown up now, of course.

- Yeah, yeah. - I was pretty young

when I had him, but. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, are you looking forward to your 60th tonight?

Yeah, I'm a bit depressed about it actually.

Are you?

I mean, you know, I'm invisible in the dating scene.

You know, men stop seeing women, you know,

when they get to about 50, it goes from wolf whistles

to just sort of, you know, nothing.

Hm, yeah, right.

- Life goes past pretty fast. - Yeah.

- You've got to make the most of it. - Oh, I am.

Where you going with it?

Oh, I'm just doing laps of the school at the moment.

Yeah, you should take it down to the reserve

on Ferguson Street, it's a lovely little spot.

Busy place?

Oh, yeah, lots of moms and bubs, you know.

Okay, okay, lot of moms.

- Yeah. - Go and talk about kids.

- Yeah. - No, we'll do that.

Well, that's not your one, of course.

No, but they don't know that.

- Okay. - Hey.

You haven't seen Vinnie, have you?

- No, no. - Okay.

- I haven't seen Vinnie. - Okay.

- Had a big day. - Did you?

Yeah, just had a big Japanese class, ooh, sheesh!

Bit hard, was it?

Hey, you haven't seen Vinnie, have you?

Vinnie with a pram?

No.

I don't think I could do it, 'cause I found out yesterday,

I was teaching Japanese today and I was, oof!

Sorry, for just relieving, you tried to learn Japanese?

I was up all night, just trying, trying to--

Have you learned Japanese for one relief class?

Tried to, yeah, last night.

No, no, you didn't have to do that. - No.

I guess I'm just feeling pretty flat.

I came into this year thinking I was really gonna be head girl.

- Right, right. - You know?

I feel like I was robbed.

Okay, it's sounding quite victim-y to me, like, "Oh, I was robbed."

I do feel like I'm a victim, to be honest.

I mean, we're all victims, we're victims of life, right.

I'm gonna reflect you back to yourself, okay.

"Oh, I thought I was gonna get something, and I didn't get it,

and now I feel robbed."

Sorry, can you not lie down in that weird position?

There's no advantage to wallowing, take it from me,

I did it for years, look where it got me. Okay.

Well, how did you cope then? How did you get out of the wallow?

I drank, I drank and drank and then I finally drank myself out of it.

- Well, I can't afford to buy alcohol. - Well, no, and I'm not ever,

would never suggest to a student that that's something you should do

at this point in your life.

- I'll send him another text. - Here she comes.

- Ssh, ssh, ssh! - Hey? Oh.

- Hi, hi, hi. - Hey, hey.

Hi.

Where's Reynolds?

Um...

- Oh, uh. - Who are you texting?

- Hm? - Who are you texting?

- Vinnie. Yeah. - Vinnie, right?

Well, why are you texting Vinnie?

Why are you being weird?

Because he's got Reynolds.

What? Why didn't you have Reynolds?

- Well, I-- I-- - Get him back here.

Well, I'm trying to, that's what I'm trying to do.

Oh, there he is.

Oh, God, there he is, all right, oh God,

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sorry.

There you are, my baby boy.

Yeah.

What's that?

- What's that? - Hm.

What do you think it is, man?

Smells like poop.

That's your kid's shit, mate, all over me.

I smelled their shit, I was like,

"Okay, I'm pretty sure you just, you know, take a nappy off and put another one on."

- Yeah. - Undid the nappy, more shit.

Your kid has so much coming out of it, mate.

- How's it go at the park anyway? - Waste of time!

There was one woman that came up, we made eye contact and I was like, okay,

and all she could do was smell Reynolds' shit.

And that's when I had to go to the toilet and fucking this happened.

I don't wanna do that again.

Oh, Jarred! - Oh, yeah?

Um, I'm just popping out to get something for Sheree's birthday soon.

Just waiting for your contribution, so.

Oh, yeah.

Actually, I might just grab that,

because I've got a really good idea for a present.

- For Sheree? - Yeah, yeah.

It's not one of your paintings, is it?

Ah, I'm not going to say what it is.

- But what, is it not that? - It's not, it's not.

- Okay, okay. - Okay, great.

- Okay. - Okay, see you.

All right.

Is it weird that I quite liked being yelled at like that though?

'Cause it was so like in the moment, you know,

and there I was up there in my costume

and he was like, "You talentless slut!"

And it was actually quite nice, you know,

to have somebody respond,

because he was obviously, quite moved by my performance.

Well, I think he was drunk, wasn't he?

Well, in the olden days,

people used to throw rotten tomatoes or whatever, you know,

it's like, that's the theater.

And there he was responding so naturally to what was happening.

But he responded with, "You talentless slut."

Yeah, but like, maybe I am a bit of a slut,

like maybe I am just a little bit.

Are you?

Well, like before I was with Rah, I was with,

okay, I've slept with 478 men.

- No, you haven't. - I was really busy in my twenties,

but I've calmed down since then.

Yeah, but yeah, no, I had my heyday.

So when he said, "You talentless slut," I thought, "You're half right."

- Hm. - But talentless?

No, no.

- Hm. - Oh, and I'm so excited to find out

who won my silent auction.

- Oh, it was Rah. - What?

- Rah, my Rah? - Yes.

Why?

I was hoping somebody that really wanted to be molded

would bid like Anna Paquin or someone.

Anna Paquin wasn't there.

Yeah, but like somebody like her.

We were wondering, Mr. Harrison,

is there gonna be much more silent woodwork?

I just have my auntie's birthday in a week

and I need to finish my breadboard.

Okay, well, we'll talk about it later. I'll just get a couple things.

- Hi, boys. - Hi, miss.

How are you? Hi.

You'll get your breadboard finished, don't worry.

What's going on with this silent auction?

You bought my workshop?

- Yeah, cool, eh? - But I was really hoping like a new actor

might wanna buy it, you know,

and learn from a professional about the craft of acting.

So I don't understand why you've gone and done that.

Because you portrayed me as a bad partner and father

and I wanna tell my own story.

Oh.

Oh, well I didn't know that you--

You said I said, "Fuck the towels,"

but I'm the only one that does the laundry.

Right, sorry.

I look forward to doing the workshop with you.

Maybe we should go and have a drink afterwards.

- You and me? - Yeah.

I don't know, after an intense workshop like that,

you might just wanna go home and just cry, yeah.

So how does it feel being 60?

I don't, I don't really feel that good about it really.

Yeah.

I mean, 10 years goes by so fast, I'll be 70 before I know it

and I'm not ready to retire, so.

You'd be retiring in five years, wouldn't you?

- Well, are you gonna make me retire? - Well, don't you have to?

I don't think so.

Isn't there a rule that you've got to retire at 65

- in schools? - No.

Fancy saying that to someone on their 60th at the actual party, at the celebration.

Well, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I couldn't run the school without you.

- You're just saying that. - She's, ah, she's got them out.

Hey, when I'm 60, I'd love to have tits like that.

Well, you've got to start saying for a boob job,

that's the only way you're getting those.

It'll be fun if Tony was here. You know, when you've got someone,

and you've got that thing to look forward to after.

- Yeah. - But you know, tonight,

what's gonna happen?

I'm gonna get wasted, go home.

Yep.

It's weird that we're both kind of in the same situation

with Megan being dead to me.

Yes, but not to me, though.

We're gonna go drinking, because I got her number.

- No, you can't go drinking with her now. - What, why not?

Your loyalty's with me, yeah, I'm your mate, not her.

I know, I can have two friends. I'll just keep you guys separate.

How long have I known you for?

- Seven-and-a-half years. - Exactly.

How long have you known her for?

- Yeah, but-- - I don't think you can

really know a person's personality

when you've known them for a week.

I think you can.

- I don't-- - When I first met you.

- Yeah. - You were exactly who you were.

You didn't know anything about me,

because about two years into us knowing each other,

you finally found out that I sold trucks, okay.

Yeah, but I knew you were dodgy, though.

- Feeling very-- - Ooh.

What's going on?

♪ So sexy ♪

- Wow! - Oh, shit.

Goodness me.

♪ So sexy ♪

Oh, my God!

♪ You drive me crazy ♪

Look, she's loving it.

- No. - You can't touch him.

Take a seat please, take a seat.

God, what am I paying for?

Are you all right?

- No, I'll just keep going. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Oh wow. - Wow!

Vinnie.

♪ See me now ♪

Here he comes, here he comes!

What's that?

Oh, my God.

That's a bit yuk!

We salute you, sir.

Oh, that was wonderful.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, well.

Well, great gift, Rachel.

- Yeah. - Yeah, nice one.

Oh, I handed the money over to Jarred.

Jarred must've booked that, so.

- Good on you. - Yeah.

I gave the money to you, Sheree,

I thought you were gonna get a book voucher or something.

Oh, no, no, you told me to get whatever I wanted.

Yeah.

And that's what I wanted.

I always have Darryl at my birthday parties.

Huh?

- How many of you had? - Seven.

- Oi, oi, oi. - Yeah?

Stripper's still here.

Ooh!

- Hey! - Hi.

There he is. What are you still doing here, man?

I'm just waiting for my girlfriend.

Yeah, she's picking me up at eight, so.

- Oh, okay. - Just thought

- I'll ride it out in here, you know. - You know, what's weird

is like you've gone from this high thing

and now, you're just sitting in here in a quiet toilet.

- It's a big shift. - Yeah.

It's a transformation. Like out there, you're like-

- Yeah, yeah. - Super hot, like no-

- Yeah. - In here,

you're kind of like, it's sad.

Yeah.

Is this like more like the, is this you?

- Who knows? - Or is that you?

Like which one's closest?

- Um, this is probably more me, actually. - Is this it? Right.

- Hey, hey, hey. - Yeah?

Come and have a drink.

Yeah, come and have a drink, bro, yeah, yeah.

You know what, though?

It would be good to get some food in me,

just 'cause I haven't eaten in like six hours.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

- Jarred. - Dancer.

- This is Darryl. - Hey.

- You obviously, just met. - Hey, hello, Darryl.

Jarred? Nice to meet you.

Jarred, yeah, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

The quiche is really good and the chippies are nice.

- Hm. - Oh, thank you, yeah.

Genius, thank you so much.

And what was with the armpit thing?

It looked like you put your arm, your hand on your arm

and then you, you were smelling it and she was smelling it.

And then she licked it.

- Yeah. - Yeah, well,

that's just kind of part of the package, that's kind of how Sheree--

- Thank you so much, darling. - Thank you.

You were so wonderful, as usual.

- Yeah. - How's Mom?

She's good, yeah, yeah, yeah, she says hi.

You must take her a piece of birthday cake,

there's so much left over.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

- Take as much as you want. - But was everything okay for you?

- Absolutely. - I thought I'd model it

around the cruise, I know you had such a good time.

Yeah, no, it was wonderful.

It was exactly what I wanted, darling, I loved it.

How's your studies going?

Oh, honestly, I've just been pulling

a lot of these shifts lately, so.

- Oh, that's good. - Gather round, everyone.

Thanks, everyone.

Sheree Pivac, happy birthday.

- That's me. - Enjoy it, yeah.

Aw!

Whoo!

This is a card for you.

Oh, a card, as well.

Happy birthday, darling.

Oh, thank you so much, everybody.

You're like family to me, you know, you really are.

And of course, you, too, Darryl and your mum,

such good friends of the family,

and this has been such a wonderful birthday,

and I just want you to all know that--

Oh, um, sorry,

sorry to interrupt, I'm gonna have to dash, guys.

- Oh! - Oh, dear.

Yeah, my girlfriend's outside, so.

- Go for it. - Sheree, happy birthday.

- Thanks. - You've always been, you know,

such a light in our family.

- Thank you, darling. - Okay, all right, well.

- See you, Darryl. - See you, guys.

- Bye. - Nice to meet you.

- See you. - Thanks.

Good luck with bioengineering.

- Bye. - Thanks.

- Cheers, see you. - Bye.

- See you. - Oh, he's such a lovely boy.

- Yeah. - Lovely, lovely stripper.

What a lovely night.

Anyone wanna do shots?

Yeah, I'm up for that.

Yeah, let's do shots.

Shots, shots, shots, shots!

Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots!

Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots!

Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots!

Look at her tits!

♪ Educators, are you ready ♪

♪ We are the teachers ♪

♪ And we're proud to shout it ♪

♪ We're rough, we're tough We're powder puffs ♪

♪ So come on, educators, do your stuff ♪

Then you spell it.

E-D-U-C, and then you spell it out.