Original subtitles

Robyn. Robyn.

- Hey. - I need help.

- Okay. - I've got a bit of a situation,

and I don't know how to go about it.

- I don't even know how to start. - Okay, I'll, I'll ask you a question.

- Okay. - What's going on?

I told my mom that I was a principal.

- Okay. That's weird. - Yeah.

- So what's the problem? - She's coming to visit.

- What? - From Brisbane.

Why did you tell her you were the principal?

Because I wanted her to be proud of me.

Oh, my God, you're one of those guys.

- No. - Yes, you are.

You don't know my mom, so you don't know the situation.

She makes me feel like a piece of shit, okay?

- Like... - Okay.

Like I'm, like I'm useless.

- You're not. You're not useless. - No.

- You're useless at some things. - Yeah.

But overall, I would not describe you as useless.

- I'd describe you as-- - The point is, she's gonna want me

to do something for her, okay?

- Okay. - And I don't know why she's coming to me.

She normally goes to my brother Dale.

- If I'm in my PE clothes... - Yeah.

...and she finds out that I've been lying for 18 months.

You don't know how to be a principal. You know how to be a PE teacher.

I haven't thought this fuckin' through, okay?

I haven't thought it through.

Breathe, breathe.

- Yeah. - Okay?

This is not a big deal.

I want you to say that, "This is not a big deal."

- It is a big deal. - No, no, you've got to say it, okay?

- Okay. - This is a technique I use.

- Okay. - Okay?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - So this is not a big deal.

- Your turn. - This is not a big deal.

Exactly.

I still, I still feel like it's a big deal.

Got a little bit of a situation.

Vinnie's told his mother that he's the principal,

and she's flying over from Australia, and she's arriving this afternoon, so.

Oh. What time?

You know what time her flight's getting in?

I think it's like midday. But are you okay with that?

- Yeah. Sounds great. - Yeah, great.

Does she know the park at the far end of the car park?

Yeah, but what we're saying is that we need to do a bit

of a switcheroo, because as I said, Vinnie's told his mom he's the--

- That I'm principal. - I'm sorry, I'm confused.

Just pop Vinnie behind the desk...

- Mm-hmm. - ...and you can teach a few PE classes,

which is pretty much like a few days off, right?

Oh, I don't think it's like a few days off.

Well, I mean, kick a ball around, yell at the kids.

- Yeah, that sounds good actually. - You'll do it?

Yeah, I think I'd enjoy doing PE for a few days,

'cause I am swamped in work at the moment.

It would be great to have someone else to do it.

- Oh. - You could do that.

- You'll have to make all the phone calls. - You can do that.

It's just calling other schools and calling the government

and just confirming funding and stuff like that.

- It's easy. - Yeah, just, you can

- do that, answer a few-- - Yeah, I'll just, fuck, I'm not, yeah,

- yeah, I can do it. - Great.

So, essentially, you just kick a few balls around--

- My job's more than that. - Yeah, but essentially.

- And you just answer a few emails. - Yeah.

I'll need you wear your shirt and your skins.

- You can wear my suit. - Oh, I wouldn't wear that.

- I need the whistle. - No.

- I need the skins. - Give him your whistle.

I'm not giving him the fuckin' whistle.

- Just give him. - Okay.

Okay, have it all, have it all. You happy?

- Yes, I'm happy, yes. - Fuckin' hell.

- Yeah. - Trying to do you a favor.

- I'm trying to do you a favor. - That's right, yeah, sorry.

Thank you.

Hey, can I talk to you?

Hey, um, so, it's about this principal thing.

What?

If anyone should be principal, it should be me, right, the deputy.

Yeah, obviously.

But in this situation it's not.

It's a personal family matter for Vinnie.

It'll be fine if no one blabs about it.

Can you please leave? I've got a PE class to teach.

All right.

- See ya. - See ya.

Okay, so you've got animal cells, human cells.

Um, what's this cell here?

Um, it's not, I don't know the answer to the question.

But I was just wondering, when is this assignment due,

and are we drawing the diagram,

or are we talking about the diagram?

- Ms. Dundonald. - Yeah, Robert?

Yeah, sorry, I can't see the board.

Can you just lean around Georgina?

Noah.

I can't actually see the board.

Can you get a stool and sort of,

can we do some sort of creative problem solving around this?

I can't see the board either.

Can you just sit on your desk?

I can't see if she's sitting on the desk.

Well can you stand on the desk?

So are we still drawing

or are we talking about the diagram?

That's up to you.

Ms. Dundonald, my problem is I don't know how to draw it in a document

and then email it into you.

I'd have to post it in.

Do I get an extension on that?

No, you don't get an extension, so--

What if there's a delay in the mail? When's it due?

Wednesday. Two days.

I'll never get it in in two days.

Well you're going to have to use the portal.

The portal?

Where have you been sending your assignments?

Uh, I've been sending them in the chat.

Not...

Robert, do you see my message?

Yes.

That's actually quite mean what you've written.

They're getting worse.

Well, on the internet I'm a little bit more blunt.

It's just I actually don't think that I am a fuckin' asshole.

All right, guys, class dismissed.

See ya, everyone.

Shit.

Robert, press Leave.

- Oh, here? - No, not on your...

God's sake.

Can't you just push the screen into my next class?

Okay, goodbye, Robert.

Ms. Dundonald, could you--

would you mind passing a message to my next teacher?

Yoo-hoo.

- Oh, hey. - Ooh, look at you.

Yeah, I know.

- Yeah. - Weird, isn't it?

- It is weird. - Yeah.

I just need a quick signature from the principal.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, what's it for?

- Yeah, just sign here. - Just drama resources.

Oh, and Jarred knows all this?

- Sure. - Okay.

- $6,000? - Come on, Vinnie, I don't have all day.

- Just sign it. - That seems...

I get $650 for--

No one cares about PE.

This is drama.

I need costumes, I need wigs.

I need a knife that goes into the handle.

And I see you've got four of them here, and they're all $600 each.

Yes. It's what they use on Broadway.

- Why is it $600? - Oh, I don't know.

I don't make the rules.

Just sign it.

Have you shopped around, you found bargains,

or have just literally gone straight to--

- I've gone to the best. - Well I'm sorry, 6,000 seems like a lot.

I'll talk to Jarred.

- You take-- - Just sign it.

No, I'm not signing it.

Stick it.

- Okay. - Yes.

All right, just, see you later, okay?

- Oh, can I help you? - Hi. Hi, I'm Diane Thomson.

I'm Vincent Thomson's mom.

Vinnie's mom.

- Oh, welcome. - Yes.

- Welcome. - Thank you.

Oh, he's doing a very fine job being the principal here.

- Is he? - Very fine job.

Is that you on a cruise there?

Is that a cruise?

Yes. It's my hobby.

- Is it? - Mm.

If I'm not working, I'm on a cruise.

Oh, I love a cruise.

- Mm, yes. - Oh.

Just like--

G'day, g'day.

- Oh, Vinnie. - Vinnie.

- It's so lovely to meet your mom. - How was the flight?

Actually, you know, it was fine.

- Yeah? - Yeah, I went to see Dr. Sidhu,

you know, the hypnotherapist.

So I'll be flying a lot more I think.

- Oh, that's good. Good to hear. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Well I'll come around, I'll grab your bag, and--

- Okay. - I'll help you around, so.

- Lovely to meet you. - Lovely to meet you.

Yeah, and if you're going on another cruise,

- I can give you a few tips. - Oh, I'd love that.

- Yeah, my pleasure. - Thank you so much.

- Okay, bye now. - Bye bye.

Vin? Vinnie?

- Yeah, coming. - Yeah.

Okay, yeah, it's just straight through.

- Okay, right. - Straight through, yeah.

Look at you.

Look what you've done with your life after all the challenges you had.

- Yeah. - I couldn't be prouder.

Yeah, thank you.

Yeah, no, yeah.

I brought you something.

Oh, what, a prezzie from home?

Yeah, I picked it up in, um--

Oh, you didn't have to get me anything.

Duty free.

I had a bit of a blood sugar moment so, um-

- Oh, you cracked it already, have you? - Yes, but, uh, most of it's there.

Oh yeah.

Oh, I won't eat any now.

- I'll have a piece now. - Oh, yeah.

- I'll have a piece now. - There you go. Slide that over.

Ooh, ooh, thank you.

I have to say, I didn't expect this.

I really didn't expect this.

And I am just so pleasantly surprised.

- Yeah. - Mm, good, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, very nice.

Vincent, I didn't want to say this.

Mm.

I'm not as well as I look.

What's going on now?

It's an autoimmune arthroscopy.

My naturopath is very concerned.

Mm, naturopath, yeah.

In the time that I have left-

Mm.

All your father and I have ever wanted-

Yeah.

Was to have a rum and Coke sitting on a deck.

Is that so much to ask for?

Okay, yeah.

You want a deck built?

Is that what you're saying?

Yes.

And you're asking me to come home and build the deck?

- Well, I can't afford to build a deck. - Mom-

Your father, you know your father can't do it.

- Mom-- - And Dale is just off with Summer.

Yeah, yeah, I can see that something's happened with Dale

'cause now you're here.

But, Mom, I'm like, super like...

I'm principal.

Frankie's gonna catch it.

That's one point.

- Yeah, so - Goes over the posts.

This is the PE class happening.

Through that hoop.

Is that some sort of weird New Zealand sport or something?

Um, I'm not sure what he's doing there.

Hey, Georgina.

Hi, Mr. Thomson.

Why are you wearing a suit?

I always wear a suit.

I've never seen you wear a suit.

Okay, well, don't speak to a principal like that.

- You're not the principal. - Ah, and there it is again, isn't it?

Honestly. I mean, I'm this close,

I'm this close to potentially suspending you.

- Say, "I'm sorry, Mr. Thomson." - You're not, you're not the principal.

Okay, back to your spot, please, Georgina.

Quickly!

Honestly. I mean, I'll yell if I have to.

- Ooh. - Oh.

One point.

- Ah, Mr. Needham, Jarred. - Yeah.

Can I have a quick chat, please?

Carry on.

- What the fuck are you doing? - What are you doing with the...

What the fuck are you doing?

Did you tell the students I'm the principal for the week?

No, I didn't.

You're a fuckin' idiot, mate.

- 'Cause I just, they just- - Sorry.

- Oh my God, it was so close. - You almost fucked the whole thing.

Well, it's a disappointment, mate.

You're on a warning there.

Yeah, okay, good on ya, mate.

Get back to class, please.

Okay, okay.

Honestly, that's not funny, mate.

Hey, sorry.

- Sorry, Ma. - Vinnie, can we go? My hip's killing me.

And look, you're going to want to get rid of him.

He's far too old to be a PE teacher.

Well, well, well.

- Hey, how ya going? - Looking good.

Pants are too short though.

Yeah, I know, I know.

But other than that, it is good.

Except that I've just come from PE.

- Yeah. - Jarred didn't tell 'em.

- What? - Yeah, Jarred didn't tell any,

he didn't inform any of them.

- I walk in there and Mom's with me. - Yeah.

Georgina comes up to me,

"Mr. Thomson, what are you doing wearing this suit?"

But you got away with it?

- Did she blow your cover? - I think, yeah, no, I think...

Oh, I don't know, Mom sort of just sometimes

doesn't say anything.

- Yeah, right. - And it's quite scary.

Yeah.

- Have you met her yet? - Yeah.

- And? - She seems nice.

She made me a peppermint tea.

- Yeah. - She's not someone you say no to.

That's what I figured. I looked in her eye and I thought,

"Do I want a peppermint tea?" I thought, "No."

And I said, "Yes, please."

- Um... - Good. Good call.

Now, I've got to go. I've got my side project, okay?

- Now? - Yeah.

Actually, Robyn, I want to have a chat to you about that.

I'm not 100% sure that that's the best idea

in school hours for you to be doing that.

- What? - It's quite unprofessional.

You're Vinnie the PE teacher, remember, okay?

This whole principal, don't fuckin', don't try it on with me.

No, and maybe bring the swearing down a little bit.

- I'm not going-- - No.

- I'm not going to do this, okay? Nah. - Well, I think you...

Don't walk away.

Oh, God, I'm not the principal.

It's not that you regret having them.

But I mean, Vinnie is, it pains me to say it,

but he's hard to love.

- Mm, is that right? - Yeah.

When I used to breastfeed him, I just,

oh, my skin would crawl.

It's just, it's irrational, I know it is.

But the only other person I feel like that about is Novak Djokovic.

- Oh. - Can't stand him.

Oh, God, ruined the whole sport of tennis for me.

- Oh. - And Summer, come to think of it.

Mm, tennis being a summer sport?

No, no, Summer is the person

who stole my son Dale from me.

- Ah. - Yeah.

She's ruined the entire season of summer just by association really.

Gosh, you've had some bad luck with your kids.

I know, I really have.

What did I do to deserve this? I don't know.

Oh, here you are.

I should have known I'd bloody find you here.

Been looking for you for the past 10 minutes.

You guys are bloody inseparable.

- Mm-hm, we are. - Yeah, great.

It's really nice to meet your mom.

If you want, grab your gear,

and I can take you to the motel and you can get all nice and set up.

Yeah, look, I don't really fancy being shunted off to a motel.

So I'm going to stay the night with Sheree.

- Yeah. - Okay.

Tell you all about the cruise-

- Can't have you in a motel. - No, no.

- The bedspreads. - Oh.

Have you seen that documentary about what goes on on the bedspreads?

- Absolutely, yes. - I know, I know.

I bought a UV light especially for it.

When I'm on a cruise I turn the lights off,

I get my UV light out, and I shine it around.

Looks like the Milky Way.

- Oh, ugh. - Oh, it's disgusting.

- Yeah. - Right, well, this hotel is a nice place.

I don't think it'll be... there'll be no Milky Ways or anything like...

And I paid for it already, so you may as-

No, no, we're going to make a night of it.

I'm taking her down to that Chinese restaurant

down on Derek Street.

Have a nice buffet down there.

And then, I don't know, see what happens.

- We'll just see. - Yeah.

All right, yeah, if you're happy with that.

I mean, okay.

- I am. - Mm, yeah.

All right, I'll just, I'll see if I can get that,

uh, deposit back, but it's probably gone. But it doesn't matter.

Well, on the kind of money you earn,

principal's wage, I mean you'll hardly notice it.

- That's a good point, Sheree. - Mm-hm.

Um, all right then, I'll just, I'll just cancel it.

- Yeah, just cancel it. - Yeah.

Okay.

Mr. Harrison.

Yeah, just watch that one there.

- Mr. Harrison! - Yes, Robert.

Yeah, 20 mm border.

I don't have a measure.

Okay, can everyone just

shush, shush, shush, shush for a second.

I don't have a tape measure.

What other tools do you have in your garage?

Pruners, um, got a rake.

What is the little bit on the edge of the wood there?

I'm having a bit of trouble with my download.

It's just how it came out, with a little jutty bit,

and I just thought it was how it was supposed to look.

Could you send the email through again?

Okay, Robert, I'm just going to have a word with you outside, okay?

- What have I done? - Yeah, it's just interrupting the class.

Everyone back to work.

So, you don't have to take me outside, mate.

Hey, can you just help me grab the cord here?

Goodness me.

I haven't done anything wrong. I don't need to go outside.

Yeah, just hold that up.

Mr. Harrison!

You know, it's really frustrating, Robert.

All clear?

Yeah, come in, come in.

Fuck, man.

How's it going?

Fuck, thank God it's you.

- Very stressful job. - Is it?

That door, just people coming and going.

- I got new respect for him, for Jarred. - Really?

I think I have made a couple of calls today

that Jarred mightn't be too happy with though.

What have you done?

You know they have a cleaning company that cleans the whole school?

Yeah.

I fired them.

Why would you do that?

Because they rang when Mom was sitting

- right where you fuckin' are. - Yeah.

And I wanted to show her that I had some power.

So poor bastards are just calling up

wanting to know if they wanted some extra services.

I said, "Stick your fuckin' services up your ass,"

hung up on 'em.

Well did you ring them back?

- Yes. - What did they say?

They not taking my calls.

Oh, shit.

I shouldn't be answering phones, you know what I mean?

I'm not fucking cut out for a principal.

It's just not-- here we go again.

Hello?

Yes, this is Mr. Needham.

What?

Do we do pizzas at tuck shop?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah. Yeah, we'll have 18 of those.

Don't, no, don't spend money.

We don't want those.

Sorry, who am I talking to?

Okay. Well, Patrice, we don't want your fucking pizzas

and anything else that you do at tuck shop.

No. See?

Just, yeah, I'm getting a very anxious vibe.

I know. It's the fuckin' suit's tight.

- Yep. - Okay?

- Yeah. - I don't like ties.

- No. - Right?

And the guilt's starting to really fuckin' weigh on me

about going home and building this deck for Mom.

You can't let her affect you like this.

- You know what she said to me? - What?

She goes, "Do you love me?"

And what did you say?

I said, "Yes."

- Do you? - No.

Do you?

I want her love.

Right, don't be going back and doing the deck for your Mom.

It's just a deck though. It's just a deck.

But it's not going to change how much she loves you, okay?

What you need to do is you need to go home,

you need to get out your punching bag, you need to hit some stuff.

Good, yes.

Don't answer the phones.

- Yeah, okay. - And just chill out.

- Yeah. - Okay?

- All right, thank you. - Okay.

- Thank you. - Good.

- Thanks for that. - See you. No, going well.

Gosh.

- Oh God, Mom. - Oh my goodness.

What's going on, Mom?

Vincent, I have had a flare up of my condition.

- Oh. - No.

- What's the condition? - Chronic arthroscopy.

Chronic's not terminal, though, is it?

- Don't know, what's chronic? - It can be.

- No. - If it's chronic for long enough.

Yeah, but she's had this sort of thing for a while, so.

It is difficult living with this chronic illness,

especially when people don't believe you, when they doubt you.

- All right. - And I came over here,

I had hypnotherapy to get over my fear of flying

so that I could come here to be with my son.

I was so proud of him being a principal.

All I want is for Vincent to come back

and spend some time with me and his father...

- and build the deck. - Yeah.

Well, just do it, Vinnie. Why don't you go and build them a deck?

- Just take a couple-- - But I've told Mom, because obviously,

- I'm busy here being the principal. - Just give it up.

I can't. I'm the principal here.

- I'm sorry, Mom. - No, don't fake cry. Come on.

- Vinnie, I have to tell her. - This is just, this has gone on too long.

- Diane-- - No, no.

Your son is not the principal of this school.

- Oh. - He's the PE teacher.

That's not even his own suit.

This is what she does, Judy.

This is what she does. As soon as you all turn around

she'll be up out of that fuckin' scooter doing whatever she wants.

And now you've come in, you've turned them against me.

Cheers for that, Mom. Fuck it.

- Oh, calm down. - Don't worry.

- Vinnie. - I'm so sorry.

- Oh. - No, we're sorry.

- So sorry. - Honestly.

- I can't. I know, I know. - Here, have a biscuit.

- Thompson. - What?

You want us to help you collect up the balls?

No. Go to class, please.

Quickly.

Fuck!

- G'day. - G'day.

What are you doing in here?

Just counseling.

- Can I just? - No.

It's just a real invasion of privacy.

They're all on the phone.

- No, no, no, no, no. - Open the door.

Very sacred. For God sake, for God sake.

Thank you.

I'm going to have to call you back, yeah.

What's going on here?

Doing the counseling, the grief stuff.

What is this?

"Never hang up."

"Chat to win?"

You're selling stuff.

A little bit.

What are you selling?

Um, like lingerie.

Vouchers.

It's telemarketing, that's what you're doing, right?

Yes, Jarred, okay, it's telemarketing.

You know why?

Because I need a little bit of supplementary income

at the moment because I am struggling financially.

That's enough of this. Get to class please.

- Thanks for your hard work, guys. - Thank you.

This is stopping. Thank you, Janet.

- Tomorrow? - I'll see you tomorrow.

No, not tomorrow, Kyle.

Okay, well, I'm broke.

- That's it, shut me down. - What do you mean you're broke?

You're a paid teacher.

Yeah, I can't live off my salary.

My salary is pathetic.

I am saving to buy a house.

Didn't you sell your apartment with your ex?

Yes, I did. And then I sat on that money for too long.

I've only got $400,000, and I can't buy anything.

You can get a house for that amount in my neighborhood.

I'm not going to live in your neighborhood, Jarred.

- I'd get depressed. - Mm.

I'm not happy with you using the students to sell online...

- She said she's selling lingerie. - Mm.

Why are you selling lingerie?

Just sell anything, anything that sells, you know?

You got boxes of lingerie on the school grounds?

As a woman, I'm entitled to have as much lingerie

as I want on my body or off my body, Jarred.

- Okay, no, that's fine. - Okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, sorry. Sorry.

I'm off.

Ah, okay.

Power to ya, you got 'em all wrapped around your finger.

But you don't have me wrapped around your finger, Mom.

Get up.

- I can't. - I know you can, Mom.

No, no, I can't, Vincent.

Yeah, you're going to see it through to the end.

I get it, I get it.

No, no, wait, wait.

I want to say this.

Back up, okay?

I'm not going home.

Dad's at home and I don't want to fuckin' deal with that, right?

You're fuckin' just, it's like PTSD seeing ya.

You want me to work on the deck.

It's fuckin' stressing me out.

But I need you.

That's all I've ever wanted, Mom.

- You're a fuckin' joke, eh? - Sorry.

- Honestly to God. - I'm sorry.

It's like just my heart in your hand,

and you're just going, you know, "Fuck that."

You know what I mean?

What a waste of money.

- There's nothing wrong with her. - No, I know.

Bon voyage.

- Look at her. - Keep in touch.

But it's her thing. Just let her do her thing.

She needs to do it.

- I don't know if I can though, Robyn. - No, you got to.

She's done it my whole childhood.

I know, but this is her moment, so just let it go.

Look at her, just.

- Bye. - Bye.

- See ya. - One last smile.

- Yeah. - One last smile.

- Yeah, yeah. - Give her a wave.

Don't forget to write.

What a lovely person your mother is.

Is she? Okay.

Some people just have natural charisma, eh?