Original subtitles

Sheree, could you please print that?

Thank you.

You all right?

Who's been sitting at my desk

and leaving everything upside down and backwards?

Rudy has.

This was nice to come back to after my holiday.

I thought he did quite a good job, actually.

He's not a trained receptionist like I am.

But he just, he was just--

I've won awards, I'll have you know. I have won awards.

No, you made that award up, and then I gave it to you, remember?

Well, if it doesn't mean I don't want it anymore.

No, just put it,

just go and have a cup of tea--

I'm not feeling well today.

I've hit the ground running coming back to work today after my cruise.

All right.

It's like my areolas.

- Morning, everyone. - Morning.

How's the camp?

Yeah, it was damn good, yeah.

- It was great. - Really, yeah.

Your bog-standard camp.

How was the dam, the pool?

Didn't see much of the dam to be honest.

No, don't know if we got down to the dam.

Was there any accidents with any of the kids?

I think someone fell over and grazed their knee,

but nothing more than a sticking plastery kind of thing.

What's been happening here? Fill us in.

Yep, yep, yep.

Whoo-hoo, eyes and ears!

- Oh no. - Oh God.

The devised theater show about this journey from spirit,

to girl, to woman, to mother opens tonight.

Now, ticket sales are not going well.

We're at about a 15% house.

I have made controver--

- Everything all right over there? - Yeah.

- Sorry. - Yeah.

- Do you wanna write down-- - I was just asking him

if he was going to the show tonight.

Well, obviously the answer's yes

because you all need to be there to support her.

Hey, maybe that's enough of the Milo.

I have to get something down, mate.

Food's not going down, but for some reason

the powder's going down well, so I'm sort of--

That's a lot of sugar.

- Is that yours from home or-- - Is it the communal Milo?

- This is the staff room Milo. - Alright, come on.

I'm using a spoon, it's gonna be fine.

Get away from me.

Do you have an event page or something that we can share?

Yes, I do, you've all been invited to it.

Is it appropriate for kids?

Where are we?

- School. - We're in a school

full of children, aren't we?

So you're asking me, can you invite kids to a school show?

Yeah.

Can you not do that thing, sorry, when you know the answer,

but you just pose it as a question and then make it all awkward and long?

Oh, I'm sorry, what am I doing?

You're just being quite indirect and passive-aggressive.

Oh, my God, she's crying.

She's crying.

Can I just ask, sorry, Judy,

how much longer are you gonna be pregnant for?

When's it over?

- Yep. - I have a week to go,

but the midwife said it could come at any time.

What about an elective cesarean and just get it done this afternoon?

- What are you doing? - Just kicking back, sir.

- Why aren't you in class? - Cut a deal.

- You cut a deal? - Yeah.

- Who with? - Ms. Duffy.

I don't have to go to class for a whole week straight.

I got $50 and I made her get me a pack of ciggies

so I don't tell what happened on camp.

What happened on camp?

I ate shit.

You ate someone's shit?

Well, no. Like, you know, jump, fall, hit the ground, you eat shit.

Oh, you got injured...

Yeah, while they were distracted.

She was taking a selfie with Mr. Dickhead.

Who's Mr. Dickhead?

You know, PE teacher, beats the fat kid.

- Oh, Vinnie. - Yeah.

Yeah, don't call him Mr. Dickhead,

- thank you. - That's what he is.

Well, I'd like you to go and hang out in the library, please.

In the library, what am I gonna do, read a book?

Yes, read a book.

- Do that now, please. - Mm.

So how bad was the accident?

Oh, I don't think we need to use the term accident.

Frankie just fell off a rope onto some

very, very soft looking ferns or bark, I think.

Just a tiny little crick in the neck.

Mm, so he told me that you gave him $50.

Oh, just for Nurofen and things, yeah.

Also we didn't fill out the RAMS forms or the safety management plans.

So just wanting to, just, you know, keep it kind of in house.

So, we're supposed to fill out the RAMS forms

before you go on camp.

- Correct, yeah. - Right?

He's crooked his neck.

Yeah, just a little crick, it's like a, not a crook, kind of a crick.

- Yeah, but it's-- - Now, see, anything else,

'cause I've got a hell of a lot to organize, okay?

Yeah, well there are a couple of other things actually.

The camp manager called me just before

and said that two of his staff are on indefinite sick leave.

Hmm, sad.

Do you know anything about that?

- No, I do not. - You sure?

Because Georgina said she spent a lot of time

just hanging out quietly reading books

because all the teachers were sleeping all day.

Oh right, you know, that was the second day,

everyone was worn out.

That wasn't really the plan of the camp, though.

Yeah.

'Cause there's a lot of really great activities out there.

A lot of the ropes were quite frayed.

And as I said, because you never signed off the RAMS--

- Well, I never got any RAMS - No, I know,

but you didn't sign them because you didn't get them,

but you still didn't sign them.

And that's why we just decided to chill.

Sorry, Jarred, you wanted to see me?

I'll swap.

Okay, Judy?

Yes.

This birth show, we're gonna have to delay it.

- What? - I can't have a birth show happening

while the auditor's here.

The show is timed perfectly for me to be in it.

What if I've given birth? It won't make sense.

Is that what you want?

You don't want me to be in the show that I've devised?

Actually, yes, because technically the show

is for the students to do, not really for the teachers.

You know who you sound like? You sound just like Rah.

Oh.

Oh.

You all right?

I don't-- there's something wrong with me.

I'm having a lot of trouble urinating.

I've got a lot of pain, and my perineum's all swollen up.

Ooh, yuck.

I don't know what to do.

Have you had sex with anyone recently?

I have, actually.

Okay, and--

On the cruise, I... met up with someone.

Did you use protection?

No.

Why didn't you use protection?

Well, he's fairly old, I didn't think we'd need to.

Old people are the worst.

Okay, there's a much higher chance that old people,

especially on cruises,

are just gonna be walking around with a whole bunch of STDs.

I don't think so, I've been on a lot of cruises,

and they're not filthy, thank you very much.

Okay, well you are the one who's whimpering in the toilet with an STD

'cause you had sex with some old creep.

He wasn't a creep.

What did he do for a job?

Well, he said he was a doctor from Brisbane.

Okay, I'll tell you one thing right now,

he may be from Brisbane, but he's not a doctor.

Okay, he's a creepy old guy on a cruise.

No, I'd like to pursue a refund, thank you. Sheree Pivac.

I'll be giving you a terrible review on your website.

Can I just have a little word, Sheree?

- Yeah, psychic surgery. - Sheree,

- can I just-- - Can you send me

an email or something, please?

Yeah, all right, then.

Thank you.

Okay, Peter's coming back, he's dropping off the cat.

- Can you please hold-- - Oh, he's dropping off the cat.

- Yes. - Oh, the cat's coming back to the school?

- Yes. - Oh, the poor cat.

- Yeah, okay. - Oh, it must be very confused.

- That's not fair. - I don't know how Lloyd feels.

- That's animal abuse. - Okay, can you please

hold Peter in reception and I'll come out and grab the cat.

Because you don't want him going back into your room again.

Yeah, I don't want a repeat of what happened last time.

- No, no, no. - Yeah?

- Ah, Judy. - Oh, hello, Gareth. How are you?

- Good, good. - Yeah, good, yeah.

Sorry, I got your email with the document about the production.

- Yes. - Are you just drinking that?

Yeah, it's trim, it's fine, low fat.

Staff milk, I just,

Well, you know, because I've got a, well, I'm making milk, aren't I?

All right, look, sorry, what was your question?

There's a birthing scene from memory, suspicious,

and I'm not sure the NCEA.

Sorry, sorry. I've got a bit of [groans].

- Oh, oh, - Sorry.

I'll whip up, I'll get this sorted, so lovely to chat.

- Do you want me to take the milk? - Ooh, ah,

no, no, it's all right, okay, ah.

- Hello? - Yeah,

it's me, got your fucking cat.

Oh, it's, okay for a start, it's not my cat, it's our cat.

It's not my cat, I fucking hate cats.

- Well, we bought it together. - Where do you want it?

Just put Lloyd down there.

- Here? - Yes.

Don't drop Lloyd, okay.

Land's on his feet, he's fine.

Okay, was Sheree not at reception when you walk past?

Who the fuck is Sheree?

- There's no one there. - Sheree is our receptionist,

I asked her, expressly asked her to not let you into my office.

This doesn't sound like a Peter problem.

This sounds more like a Robyn problem.

No, this is not a Robyn problem.

- It's not my problem. - Embarrass me in front

- of my colleagues, okay. - I think we're well past that, aren't we?

Okay, now I don't want you in my office.

- I don't wanna be here. - Okay, great,

now I don't want you here either.

- Where should I go? - Well, no, I've got a lot of energy,

okay, I've got a lot of energy

- coursing through my brains. - Yeah, all right.

I just think if we just do it one more time.

Yes.

Jesus.

Sorry, I was just looking for Robyn.

Yeah, in there.

- Hey, Vinnie. - All right, hey.

- Is that Peter? - Yeah.

- He looks like a nice guy. - He's not.

- Um... - How's your day?

Feel a bit awkward 'cause I've obviously walked in

- on you guys having sex. - Yeah.

And not a big deal for me, I just think, you're cool with it?

- Yeah. - All right.

- Did you have anything... - Yeah, but I'll talk

to you about it later. It was about, yeah,

- I'll talk about it later. - Okay, let's just,

you'll catch up. All right.

Hey, Robyn.

Oh, hi, Gareth.

I'm just working late.

Do you wanna come in?

Yeah, sure, okay.

It's okay if I just...

yeah, well I didn't, sorry.

Just don't worry about it.

Have you eaten?

No, no thank you, no, sorry.

You said you're working here.

Oh, sometimes I work late, a busy day and workload spills over

into the evenings and I'm just catching up on emails.

It looks like you're living here.

Yeah. I mean, to be honest, if I was to be honest,

I would say, yeah, I'm living here, if I was to be honest.

But if I was to be honest and say, yeah, I'm living here,

how would that look on paper in terms of your role and my role?

Or just, aside from that, I mean,

Could we get, oh, sorry, sorry.

Would you like a drink?

- I'm gonna get you a drink. - Oh, there's no need to...

- No, no, no, no, no. - ...pour me a...

Well, it's a little bit sad drinking alone, though, isn't it?

I mean, I do it.

You know, I've done it.

- You've done it? - Yeah.

- We've all done it. - Yeah.

Anyway, cheers.

- Cheers, yeah. - Cheers, Gareth.

But what about you?

I just feel like I'm here just yabbering on about me.

What are you doing here so late?

- I'm working. - What do you mean?

Same as me, right, I'm working late.

Right.

Have you been married?

No.

I've had a couple of nearly serious things.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, but just kind of,

sort of let it slip away.

I've just got 20 minutes of my ep left to watch, so...

Oh, of course.

I don't know if you've finished your wine,

and I don't wanna rush you, but if you could--

- No, no, sorry, sorry. - ...quick scale or...

Um...

- No, I'll leave that. - You'll leave that?

- Okay. - Thank you, that's very kind.

I'm not throwing you out, but it's just I get tired and I've got work tomorrow.

- No, I'm in your space. - Got work tomorrow, so.

- Yeah. - But thank you.

And I appreciate your discretion.

Yeah, right, yes, of course, of course.

Don't worry about that, don't worry about that.

- Okay. - Goodnight.

Night night.

Do you think there's gonna be anything coming out of her actual vagina?

That's what I'm worried about.

- Hey. - Hi, Rah.

How are you feeling about it?

What?

You know.

She's a bit much. I'm gonna bring ear plugs.

- It's a bit embarrassing. - 'Cause when she gets

into that...

Stop, okay, stop it. You know what? You're just both jealous

that you don't get to share your journey

from spirit to girl, from woman to mother

to the wider community.

You're gone, man.

Yeah, thanks, Judy.

It's like she's in his mouth.

- Direct quote. - Don't say that.

- I miss the old John. - Me too.

- You know? - I'm still the same.

It's still me.

Oh, left hanging.

No, I wasn't. I wasn't even going for a high five.

I was just saying it's me, I was emphasizing it.

- A high five, then? - Yeah, high five.

Negative.

No, go again, I'll do it this time. Yeah, negative.

But I wasn't even going, I wasn't even.

I'll do you.

- Come on. - Negative.

Sorry, it's all good bud, negative.

Where's Rah? I don't even see--

Where is he, I need to see him.

- Yep. - Where is he, where's Rah?

- Here I am. - Ah, oh God.

- Here I am, you all right? - Ooh, no,

actually I don't need to see you, go away.

Sorry, no, false alarm.

- What's she want? - Oh, she just needed my help.

- With what? - Just stuff, that's all.

Oh, here we go.

I am Dame Whina Cooper and I am a woman.

I am Kate Sheppard and I am a woman.

I am Helen Clark and I am a woman.

I am Cleopatra and I was a woman.

Thank you, Helen Clarke.

Thank you, Cleopatra.

Thank you, Kate Sheppard.

Whina Cooper.

Because of you, I am me, we are women.

And thank you, young Judy Mokopouwhare.

Ow, fuck.

Mia, Maria, finish the show.

Not you, oh fuck.

Hey, guys.

Sorry, sorry.

What are you doing?

Trying to capture the moment.

Okay, nice.

What's that?

It's a foot.

Hey, I had to kind of just stop in a noodle joint.

It was like the last of the bare remains.

It didn't look very good, but if someone wants to roll the dice...

Chicken, beef.

Oh, I'm all right, mate.

- I want beef. - You want beef?

I guess, I'll have chicken, I'll have chicken.

- Okay, here you go. - No, it's fine.

- You can have the beef if you want. - No, no, no, I'll have the chicken.

Having seen the whole thing,

I think you should have first choice.

Thank you. That actually means that

you two have yet to say anything to me about my performance.

- That actually-- - Oh, I thought you were,

- Oh, sorry. - No, it's fine.

Sorry, I thought you were amazing.

No, I mean, clearly I'm exhausted.

I've been through it.

- Oh, sorry. just, sorry. - It's all right.

- Congrats, man. - Cheers, bro.

Hey, just mate to mate,

I don't think the baby looks like me.

I don't think it's mine, bro.

- What? - Yeah.

He's got a squashed head.

- That's just-- - He's got real small hands.

Look at the size of his hands, I got big hands.

Yeah, but it's a baby.

Bro, he's not gonna have hands like you straightaway.

I just don't think it looks like me.

It does.

- It doesn't. - You're over...

Judy, Rah doesn't think the baby looks like him.

- Hey, hey, hey. - What?

- He's freaking out that-- - I'm not, I'm not, don't.

Oh, it doesn't look like anyone yet, though, right.

Don't be silly, of course it's your baby.

So, how did it go?

Well, I mean, it's just a preliminary sort of chat

with my colleagues at the review office,

and it was good to discuss it and we had a good--

Yeah, so what do you think?

About the whole thing?

- About the school? - Yeah, well, you know,

Because there's a lot of people here who are gonna lose their jobs.

I mean, I'm not worried about me.

I mean I could do anything, but what's Robyn gonna do?

- I mean-- - It's not as dramatic as that.

It's not about closing the school or people losing jobs and whatever.

It's just an assessment of what's happening in the school,

and, I mean, there's certainly, you guys are a disaster.

- We're all right. - But just,

I mean it's an absolute,

this is probably the worst school I've ever dealt with.

- I doubt that. - But you mean well.

- Yeah. - You know, the kids are gonna be fine.

- You guys will be fine. - Yeah, yeah.

So, we're all good then?

Probably, I'll just give you a tick.

Okay, thanks.

I don't really care anymore.

What do you mean?

I never thought I'd be doing this.

Let's put it through and then I'm out, yo.

What are you gonna do?

You ever groomed a horse?

Right before that big swell of muscle come up just right there, the saddle,

the oils come out and their glisten comes out.

That sounds good.

He doesn't care about numbers and fucking...

beautiful.

Well maybe you should do that, go get a job with horses.

Nah.

Hey, are you gonna come to the morning tea?

Rah and Judy are gonna have their baby there,

do a little meet and greet.

Yeah.

- Yeah, why the hell not? - Great.

You know what?

- You're gonna take those? - Yep.

All right.

- There we go. - There we go.

Good boy.

- Are you guys sleeping through the night? - Yes.

Well, I'm staying awake most of the night with him,

so Judy's sleeping through the night.

Yeah, I'm sleeping really well.

Does it feel a bit like you are trapped?

Oh, you just can't do anything, you can't go out anymore?

Feeling like it's coming down on you a little bit?

Aren't we?

He said he's got my singing voice, as you can see.

- Huh? - Hey?

Sorry, I was just saying

for a little while, but then it is a bit boring

'cause it is just a baby.

- It's just a baby? - Yeah.

She wasn't being mean about it.

It's just 'cause your kid and you'll be into it.

Yeah, no, it's because it's their thing. I think it's a hormone thing.

Um, hey, I just wanted to say a few words if that's okay.

Probably wondering what this is.

Um...

After my wife, since she left, there wasn't much excitement in my life,

and until your little baby came along,

and it's been magical for me to witness that.

In a sense, a bit of a rebirth.

Yeah, so I've made you a present.

Thanks, Jarred.

Oh no.

Yeah, so, um...

Oh, I've signed it, it's there.

Jarred Needham.

God.

Is that like a metaphorical vagina

or is that like your, is that your bum hole?

It's not hard to understand.

I'm giving birth to myself.

I'm giving birth to a new me.

I'm being reborn.

So the baby you will end up taking over,

killing old you and taking over you?

No, no, I'm celebrating the-the birth of Judy and Rah's baby.

So, okay, I'm gonna drop this off at your place

with the school van this afternoon.

So the bell's about to ring.

Let's get to class and teach those kids some stuff.

Have a lovely day.

I could paint something for you if you wanted.

♪ Educators, are you ready? ♪

♪ We are the teachers And we're proud to shout it ♪

♪ We're rough, we're tough We're hard to puff ♪

♪ So come on, educators, do your stuff ♪

Then you spell it, E-D-U-C.

And then you spell it out.

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