Original subtitles

- Morning. - Oh, hey, Jared.

What are you doing?

I just had a shower.

Uh, why did you shower here?

Um, I like to, you know, get to work,

have a shower, get dressed,

- teach, all at, all at once - Is that...

- to kind of keep the momentum up. - Is that your pot plant?

- Yep. Yeah. - Hm.

And is that pile of... undies...

are you living in the infirmary?

It's a sick bay, and I'm not living in there, no.

Is that a bottle of Chardonnay in there?

Yes, it is.

Is that a toaster?

Uh, yeah, I'm not cooking. I am toasting.

I'm just gonna whip in, brush my teeth and...

Is that cat food? Can I just have a look in here?

Uh, no, no, no. That's, um, no, I just,

I'm just about to get dressed,

because I just need a bit of privacy as a woman.

- Okay. - See you in the staff room.

Yeah. Yeah. Alright.

Okay.

Okay. So the last note on the agenda

is just a reminder of the longitudinal review.

- What? - The what?

- So that's gonna be happening - What longitudinal review?

The, the review.

Are we being audited?

- Yes. - When?

- Why didn't you tell us? - It's going to be,

do you remember the ERO report that was was done last year?

- Yeah. - Yeah, so it wasn't very good.

I printed the PDFs and stuck 'em in all the cubbyholes.

I didn't get a PDF!

You should have read that last week.

This is not good, Jarred.

When is this happening?

Well, later this week.

Jared, this is actually your dental assessment.

- Oh. - Is it?

Yeah.

Are you getting a full set of crowns?

- Wow. - Am I?

- Yeah. - That's expensive.

Hang on, why have you got this in your cubbyhole?

Because you've printed out the wrong PDF, Jarred.

You've just signed away like $1,800 a month for your teeth.

- Ooh. - That's too much.

- Way too much. - That's expensive!

Are you brushing with an electric toothbrush?

Show us your teeth.

Sorry, can we just circle back

- to the crisis? - Sorry.

- Can we just put this aside - Yeah.

for a second, because I personally

am beginning to freak out.

- Okay. - Okay?

We need to get our shit together.

- Robyn's right. - I have lived through

two audits, and I'm telling you, we are fucked.

We need to mobilize. Can you lead, please?

This is the last thing I need, all right?

- I get it, and this is a school, yeah. - I am growing a life within me.

Look at me. Look at the state of me.

I don't need stress.

- What schools are they? - You don't, but we need to mobilize.

'cause everyone's just sitting around and talking about--

Okay, everyone.

- Have a lovely day - Great, you know?

...try to do my best, okay?

- Are you okay? - Yeah.

Actually email, don't put stuff in a cubbyhole.

Hi, Jarred. You know what these are?

No.

These are confidential financial statements

from the last two years.

And do you know where I found them?

Uh, no.

I found them in the stationary cupboard.

The stationary cupboard, Jared.

Oh, well do you want, shall I have these?

We need, we can't leave these sorts of things

lying around.

We've got an auditor coming in, Jared. Okay?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We're all very, very stressed.

- Well, I'm not. - Well, you should be.

Okay. Well--

Have you ever heard of a thing called "Accelerate"?

- No. - Hang on.

- "Reclaiming your power." - Mm-hmm. Accelerate.

It's actually "X-L-R-ate," which I thought was quite nifty.

One of the key parts of "XLRate"

is that you just pop a smile on,

and the issues don't seem like big issues anymore.

They seem small and manageable.

So, you tell me something,

tell me something awful from your life that,

and I'll show you what I mean.

Okay. Well, one time when I was seven,

I was down at the mall with my mother.

I was walking past to a shoe shop,

and I looked through a door,

and I saw a man dressed as Santa in his red suit,

this big beard, and he was, like, beating off.

And then later on, I had to sit on his knee

and tell him what I wanted for Christmas.

See?

Yeah. Okay. I'll handle this, Jarred, okay?

And when the auditor comes, don't just do the smiling thing.

Just act like a normal human, okay?

It's really, really important. It's urgent.

- Okay. - Please treat this as urgent.

I will.

Oh, God.

Robyn, what's, what's going on?

Why is everyone freaking the fuck out?

- We are being audited. - Yes.

So like, they're gonna be like,

it's a full investigation into like administration,

into the school curriculum, into the culture of the school,

health and safety.

They'll be interviewing us.

- Why is this down here? - Are they gonna--

Robin, Robin, Robin. Are they gonna be talking to the students?

Yeah, they'll interview all of us, and they'll interview all of the students.

Oh, well, then, I fucking may as well

pack up my shit and go right now.

'Cause if they talk to Jayden, and he tells 'em what's happened with me,

you know what's gonna happen.

Just have a chat with Jayden, okay?

- Oh, no. I can't. I can't. - Just sort it out.

Nah, the problem, I can't sit down with him,

because I sit down with him, and it starts out nice,

and within three seconds, I wanna fucking stab him in the neck.

Yeah, don't do that, okay.

'Cause you don't want the auditor to come in

after you've stabbed Jayden in the neck.

You're saying it like it's really easy, Robyn, okay.

But sitting down with Jayden is not easy for me, okay?

Because I just can't handle him, okay.

He, he you sit down and it's like,

"Hey Jayden, how are you?"

And within three seconds, the first words,

he could say, "Good, Vinnie,"

I wanna fucking neck him. Ah!

Okay. Just chill.

Okay. Just breathe. Breathe.

Have you've got your ball?

- Go and get your ball. - Mm. Yeah.

Squeeze your ball. Sort out your paperwork.

Have a chat to Jayden.

- Okay. Okay. - Okay?

This stress is just not good for the baby, you know?

It's not good for the baby.

- Yeah. No. - Hello, it's Daddy.

Why are you doing that weird voice?

- I wasn't doing a weird voice. - Just talk like--

- Well, it's gonna come out - Yeah.

and not know who you are

- if you always talk to it like - Okay.

Okay. Just be normal. It'll still hear you.

- Okay. - Just...

Hello? It's Dad. Dad.

- Did you feel anything? - No.

Hello. It's Dad, Daddy. Hello!

It's hard to not do that voice.

Just say hello normally to it.

Hello?

- Hi. - Sorry. Bah.

- Oh, yeah. - It's like sandpaper.

It's just the hormones.

- It's just the pregnancy. - Yeah, just the hormones.

- I know. - And we've got the midwife

- tomorrow in my office. - You didn't put it on the Google diary?

Yes I did. It's in there. MW.

- Okay. - I'm just breathing with you.

Just relax. If I relax, then you relax.

- Do you feel that? - That's not a thing.

That's not true.

See you soon.

See ya.

Oh good. Okay, great. Thank you.

No! No, no, no, no, no.

- What? - That's all my lesson plans.

Good, gone. And what have we got here?

What do you mean "Good, gone,"

I need to give those to the auditor.

You don't need to give anything

to the auditor. You need to give everything to me.

I'm shredding what I think needs to be shredded,

and then we hand over all of our "documents," okay.

That's how we do it.

This is the process.

It's not lying, it's curating.

- Okay. - Okay.

Okay. Thank you.

No, we don't need that.

It's the easiest thing.

What the fuck is x?

X is just a symbol of--

Hey, Jayden.

Hey, um, just, sorry.

Can I just have a quick chat with Jayden?

- Oh. - Just give us a sec.

Quick question:

is everything okay between us?

I know we had some stuff last year.

I got a bit angry, you know?

- Just a little angry. - Yeah, but you're okay with that?

Like, you're not feeling bullied or anything?

- Not... - Wouldn't use that word?

I wouldn't not use "bullied."

But you're feeling like now good vibe.

- Fine, yeah. Okay, yeah. - Yeah, yeah.

Well, just remember that good vibe

when the auditor, if he comes and talks to you,

he probably won't, but if he does, just--

Well, if he talks to me, I won't lie to him.

No, don't lie.

But also, you know, don't say I'm bullying you,

because to be honest,

you did write that stuff in the journal,

which was kind of bullying to me.

You did bully me in return, so.

Well, now, we're not gonna go back and forth, mate,

but listen, I'm just...

Okay, just, just--

Rory, stop looking at me.

Just tell me, right now, okay,

are you gonna say that I bullied you or not?

If he asks me...

No, no, no. It's not a ques--, it's not a--

Okay, are we cool? Yes or no?

- Not really. - Look at the pen, Jayden.

Look at the fuckin' pen, 'cause it's coming for ya.

Are we cool, mate?

N-- okay.

Are we fucking cool, Jayden? Okay. Okay.

I've gotta go to class.

Yeah, go to class. Go to class. Go to class.

- Okay, I'm going. - Rory. Stop fucking... go to class, Rory.

Take him to class. Honestly.

Thank God.

Alright, so I'm just gonna come here,

just measure this. Okay.

So I've just gotta get this tape around.

I'm sorry.

- Sorry. - Oh, gosh.

Can you give her your shirt or something to blow her nose on?

Yeah, sure. Of course I can.

- I just gotta get-- - So your blood pressure's

looking good, you know, your heart rate's good.

Baby's heart rate's--

Baby's heart rate's great.

- I've gotta wear that. - She's actually just

- going through quite a bit at the moment. - I understand that.

- Okay. - I'm sorry.

Yeah, so you might wanna wash that.

Sorry. Okay. I'm okay.

No, it's okay. Listen, I got your bloods back.

I've been doing a lot of crying, as well.

What, what's going, what's going on here?

What's going on with you?

Thank you. Thank you.

'Cause I'm worried about how it's affecting her.

It's just, I'm really excited to, to be a dad.

Yes! Want to be a dad! But to also just back off.

Be a dad over there.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You know?

Anyway, everything's looking great.

- Thank you. - Exciting stuff.

- Yeah, my baby! - Gonna meet this baby.

Hello. How are you?

Pretty good. I was just actually just showing up

to see if there was any reliefing work going.

But I thought you told us that you weren't a teacher.

- Yeah, I went to Polytech. - Okay.

I've got a Certificate in Educational Support Level Four.

Wonderful. Oh well maybe we...

It was hard. I just scraped past.

- Oh, congratulations. - Thank you.

- Why are you late, Jarvis? - I've slept in again. Sorry.

Off you go.

- Kids. - Kids.

So, how are you doing in yourself?

You've put on a great deal of weight since I last saw you.

Yeah, you, too.

- Oh, well. - It's been great.

I've moved into a new place.

Oh, where are you living?

Oh, I'm living on Brown Street. Just above KFC.

Just on your own?

Well, I have my own bedroom,

but I share the bathroom and the kitchen

with the takeaway staff.

Oh, okay.

So I have to wait for off hours

to go down and use their deep fryer and stuff.

Well, that sounds like a pretty good setup.

Anyway, do you think there is some relieving work,

- that I could--? - Well, there might be.

What I think I might do is take you through to see Jarred.

- Okay. - And you can talk it over with him.

Okay. Thank you.

What light through yonder window breaks.

It is the sun. To be or not to be, that is the question.

Whether it is nobler in the eyes of a--

Hey, Judy.

Yes, I'm just, sorry.

I'm in the middle of, I'm performing.

- Yeah, - So?

Robyn needs your lesson plans.

She's got the shredder going.

What? Hang on a second.

Eyes down please. Sustained, silent working.

What are you talking about?

We need the lesson plans

to shred them before the auditor gets here.

Shred? Why?

Well, Robin thinks it's the best thing.

Well, look, my lesson plans are very important to me.

They're like archives. They're gorgeous.

To be honest with you, they're probably gonna be taonga one day.

I've always imagined they go into Te Papa.

I mean, I, I don't wanna stand

between you and, and your legacy.

Could you give me some?

Oh, God. Is this really necessary?

Hi, Jarred. I've got a whole bunch of permission forms

that need to be co-signed if you've got a-- ooh!

Hello.

You'll remember... well...

- Rudy. - Pete.

- Yeah, but it's actu-- Pete. - That's right.

There was the whole Pete and Rudy thing.

Yes. I'll sign those.

Sorry, he's just here

'cause he's just wondering if there was any work.

- Oh. - So, um.

- I've trained. - At this school.

- Yeah, yeah. - At this school.

So, we're just gonna talk about that.

You two are gonna talk about that? Or should we all

- talk about that? - Do you want to talk

- about that? - Or should you and I

talk about that, and then we could bring

- We could. - Pete slash Rudy

- into that talk. - Well you're very welcome to,

because there are some issues to talk about.

- Okay. - So do you wanna just grab

- that chair and just bring--? - Yeah, I'll get it.

- You stay where you are. - Yep, you can stay there, Pete.

Do you need some help? Are you all right?

- No, no, I got it. - No, she's good.

You're great. It's good to see you again.

You're looking great.

Thank you so much.

Were you prosecuted for the identity theft?

No, I don't think they know about it.

- I don't think I've been reported. - Who? Who doesn't know about it?

Did you report them? Did you report--

No, I honestly, I totally forgot about it

- as soon as I came home, to be honest. - Yeah, I meant to report it,

but I don't think anyone reported it.

But you're now getting qualified under his name?

- No. - Oh.

I'm getting qualified as Pete Cheese.

- Oh, okay. - Okay.

Well, that seems fine, then.

- Well, that seems fine. - Here's your teas.

Ah, thank you, Sheree. Thank you, darling.

- And another one for you. - Thank you.

Is there a huge difference between the personalities?

I mean, in terms of making this decision

- about who we are employing? - Yeah.

Do you wanna, do you wanna meet Pete?

Yeah.

- So. - Ooh.

Oh, I dunno about that.

- Speak. - Hey, what's up?

- No, I don't like it. - Nah, can you go back

- to being Rudy, please. - I think go back

- to being Rudy. No. - Go back to being Rudy?

- Yeah. - Can't handle this.

- Mm, not really. - No.

- Okay. - That's better.

You wanted to see me?

Yeah. I wanna say sorry for before,

I got a little bit heated.

You got a bit mouthy. It's not a big deal.

You did, you did, own it.

Listen, I don't want it to,

we're not doing that again, all right?

I wanna say, let's be friends.

'Cause I like you, Jayden. You like me.

Do you?

I do man, I think you're awesome.

You know how much I like you?

I went out and I got you something, so.

You don't like donuts?

I would have to run that by my mum first.

You don't, no, you don't have to

worry about your mom, your dad, you're with me, mate.

You're with your buddies, here, you know what?

We'll both have one.

Yeah, just grab, grab a choccie one. Grab the choccie one.

Grab a choccie. Yeah. Look at that.

I'll go a pinky.

Um. Okay. Just have a bite.

Oh, come on. Have another bite.

Mmm, yeah. Now he's getting the roll.

Shove a bit more in, go on.

- I shouldn't. - Shove it in, or I'll fucking shove it in.

Put it in your mouth. Ah. That's the way, my boy.

Mmm. And see this is how it can be, man.

This is how it can be. They're yours. They're yours.

I shouldn't take the entire box.

What do you mean, you're not gonna take the whole box?

- I'm not gonna take the box. - It's a fucking gift, mate.

You take the present. Take it, mate.

- Okay. Okay. - Take it.

God, come on. You make it hard, bro.

I wanna be mates, you know.

You take them home, you enjoy 'em, Jayden.

Don't worry about your mum. We're all good, yeah?

- Yeah. - All good.

- Sure? - Thanks mate. Thanks for--

- Okay. - Yeah.

See you later.

Oh, watch your head.

See you, buddy!

Lloyd.

Lloyd.

Uh, Robyn.

Oh, hi, Vinnie.

What's going on?

I'm just, I'm just feeding Lloyd.

Yeah, no, no. What's all this shit?

Well, it's like my, it's chardonnay, my deodorant,

my, you know, it's my stuff.

- You're living here? - No.

Well, I, I moved in on the weekend,

and I'm looking for another place.

I'm just between, just between places.

But you, you can't live in the school.

Can't I?

- Does Jared know? - Oh yeah.

He's fine with it. Totally fine.

- Is he? - Yeah.

What if there's a sick student? What's happening with that?

Oh, no. We're using the staff toilets for that.

They go to the toilet?

Yeah. And the students are healthy at the moment.

Super healthy.

How long are you gonna stay here, Robyn?

Between one week and probably six weeks, I guess.

- Hey... - Yeah?

- Vinn. - Yeah, bud?

I think, I think Judy

doesn't want me involved in the pregnancy.

I got a strong feeling about it.

- That's amazing. - Hey?

That's amazing. Get out.

Get out. If she's given you that out, get out.

Well, I don't know.

She doesn't want you involved.

I don't know. I, I think so.

That's fucking godsend, mate.

- Why? - You don't wanna be a dad!

- I do. - Oh, you're, you're liking

your relationship with Judy, are ya?

- Yeah. - How often are you having sex?

Honestly, you used to have this bright light

and now you just, this, you just,

you're a shell of yourself, mate.

- She's dimming your light. - What do you mean,

- dimming my light? - Oh, it's all this, mate.

She's in your fucking head.

Did she ask for money yet?

Yeah, yeah. Like to help buy a cot.

More of this, mate. More of this.

Hey, don't, it's not.

- It's not. - It is.

- It's not. - Do you know what this symbolizes?

- What does it mean? - It's you being a dick.

It's brainwashing, mate. She's up there.

She's scrambling it all, mate.

Get her outta your head.

Are you an ATM machine, mate?

No, I'm not an at ATM.

Because I don't see any buttons on you, bro.

I don't see, do you see any?

Just have a look down.

- I don't see any. - You don't, right?

I see your bloke that needs to get back into the gym,

- Yeah. - Give a good solid two months with me.

Get your thunder thighs gone. Get the abs back.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Right?

And then you come out with the big boy,

and we go out on the town.

- Shit. - No more of that.

No.

I know it's a new place. Come on, now. I know.

It's a funny house, it's a funny old house, isn't it?

It's a funny old house, but we'll just be here.

What are you guys studying at the moment?

Yes.

- Catcher in the Rye. - Oh, yeah.

Fun fact about Catcher in the Rye.

The guy that killed John Lennon, ruthlessly,

had a copy of Catcher in the Rye in his pocket

- when he did it. - Why?

Because he was reading it at the time. Yes?

Who's John Lennon?

He was part of a band called The Beatles.

He's got iconic glasses. You might have seen them around.

Any other questions?

Yes?

- Have you read this book? - Yep.

Yes?

Are we gonna have to write a essay on this?

- Yes. - When?

Now. Get your books out.

We haven't even done anything for it, though.

I don't care. Yes?

Well, surely it's open book, if it's so last minute.

No, I make the rules. I'm your teacher aide, guys,

you have to follow what I say.

Pens down. Pens up. And then write your essays, please.

Listen to your teacher aide.

Picking up your pens and starting your essays...

now.

I'm not doing it.

Neither.

If you're not doing it, you're failing the course.

- Hi. - Oh, hello,

Mrs. Thompson. How are you?

I'm really good, thank you.

Can I see Mr. Needham and Mr. Thompson?

Is it about Jayden's odor issue?

- His, I did hear--? - His odor issue.

- Uh... - I did hear

some of the teachers talking about it.

Is he using a deodorant?

Yes. He bathes regularly and uses a deodorant.

- Oh, okay. - Thanks.

Could Vinnie Thompson

please come to the front office immediately?

You have an urgent meeting.

A box of donuts?

Yeah.

Why would you give him a box of donuts?

Because there's a fucking order

to try and sweep the shit under the rug from last year.

Okay, come on. As a friend,

- Yeah. - I'm gonna give you some advice.

- Yeah? - Stay calm.

Okay? Keep it subtle.

Now if Jarred asks you any questions,

- Yeah? - Or the mum,

deny everything.

- Whatever they throw at me - Yeah.

- deny it - Just go in there, stare out the window.

- What if I lose it in there? - Do not, don't lose it.

- What if I lose it? - Don't...

What if I say, like, shut your fucking mouth, bitch.

- Think it. - Yeah.

Absolutely think it. Think whatever you like.

It doesn't matter, 'cause they can't read your mind.

That's yours. Your mind is yours, okay?

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

You just keep that locked.

I've seen the donuts, and Jayden doesn't lie.

I, you know what...

Vinnie, I wanna ask you a question, please.

- Yeah? - Did you give him donuts?

- What! - Did you?

No.

Vinnie, did you give him the donuts?

- Yes, I gave him some donuts. - Okay.

Okay? Okay, you happy?

I gave him some donuts, alright.

I thought it was giving a nice gift to your son.

- Okay. - Yeah?

- I'm not happy, no. - Okay.

Because he's gluten intolerant,

and you could've made him very, very sick

by giving him donuts.

Well he didn't say anything.

So it's out there now. You know, you know.

No apologies needed. We all know, I can go.

Actually, I would like you to apologize to Rachel, please.

- Yeah, sorry. - Properly, please.

- Ah! - Do it prop--

Just do it properly.

Rachel, I'm very [mumbles].

Did you say sorry then?

Yes, I said [mumbles].

Say it properly.

Why can't anyone hear?

I'm saying sorry, it's not a big deal.

No, you're taking the piss.

Just apologize nicely.

Ah, you just got in the middle of it, mate.

Okay. I'm sorry.

Apology accepted.

Thank you.

I've gotta get back to work now.

Okay.

Alright. Bye, Rachel.

I'm not sorry.

- Oh, there he is. Is that him? - Is that him?

He's here, guys.

I've got a fan there for you.

Just to make you feel at home. I thought you'd like that.

I'm Tongan.

- I'm not an ATM. - What?

Yeah. You're dimming my light.

What light?

I think we need to get the cat off the school grounds.

Cats don't bite people unless they've got a reason to.

I didn't provoke the cat.

You would've done.

Yoghourt is nature's vaccine.

It's an anti-vax class.

I wanna make a metal breadboard.

Have you thought about making a breadboard out of wood?

Yeah, I know, but everybody does that.