Original subtitles

I've noticed a bit of a slip in standards around the school.

Kids are dawdling in 20 minutes after the bell.

Could we be starting later? Like if we just nudge by half an hour and give us

all time to get dressed? No, we start on time and the students have to as well.

Yeah, I agree. There's way too much dawdling.

Lots of untouched shirts and socks.

Are they meant to be pulled up or scrunched down?

People are chewing gum. It's annoying.

I don't mind the gum thing, to be honest. Don't you find some of that

reeks?

Yeah, well, that's annoying.

It's an example of what the kids are doing.

Okay.

Maybe a big sign of all the rules by the front gate.

No one's going to read that. I think I'd go down there and read the rules before

entering onto the school grounds.

No, you wouldn't. If I was a kid walking to school and I saw that sign, I'd spit

straight on it.

I could be the school discipline officer.

Just whip them into shape.

Guys, where is everyone?

I don't know.

Hey, Rudy!

Yeah? Where are all your students?

Here. No, where's the rest?

I think I've just got a one -on -one today.

Why would you have a one -on -one?

Because he was the only one that showed up.

How many have you got?

I've only got three. Can I drop him off with you and I'll just... I've got to go

and pick something up.

What are you going to pick up?

A carpet.

What? It's just that the people I'm picking it up from, they have to go to

at 11.

Don't come over here. I don't want your student.

But I've got to go and get the hire van. I don't know why you've organised all

this on a work day.

Did you not know you were working today?

I did.

And you're still booked in picking up a carpet? Yeah.

Oh my, okay.

I've got to go and see what's going on because I can't do PE with three kids.

Or four.

I'm not taking your student, Rudy!

Miss Tau, it's already quarter past nine. Do you want us to be even later

we are?

That's not my problem.

I'm just going to check if you've got any outstanding detention.

Okay, Mariah.

You've got two outstanding detentions.

Okay. So you need to go into the holding pen.

Holding pen?

That's not my problem.

You're just wasting your own time. You're wasting our time with this. What

this even meant to be?

This is meant to be order in a place of chaos. This is ridiculous.

Everyone sit down. This is a sitting process. Sit down.

Don't sit.

I can't talk about your carpet right now, Rudy.

What?

Sorry, excuse me. What's going on?

The bell went ages ago. I've been out on the basketball course waiting for my

class to start and there's no kids there.

Rudy had won.

But to be fair, I just need to really get away. Do you think Stanley could

sit with all these kids?

You're not going to get the carpet, Rudy. Okay, we've spoken about that for

ages.

What's that?

That's a holding pen.

A holding pen?

They've got outstanding detentions. I put them in there.

What happens after that?

Well, it's the first time I've done it, so I don't know what happens after that.

I'm just feeling it out. Can I get my kids?

And maybe if you take my kids. No, I'm taking your kids! Rudy, you can't get

your carpet today, okay?

Right, I'm taking my class.

11B, we're at basketball courts. Let's go.

Hi there.

My name's Catherine Duffy. I'm Robin's sister.

Oh, lovely.

And this is my son, Charlie. Yeah, I was just wondering about dropping him off.

the day. Well, why don't you just drop him off at the mall like everybody else?

Well, no, we don't want him to go to the mall. We need him to do his exam study

here. They're not a babysitting service. I'm sorry, you can't just drop him off

at any old school. I do appreciate that. However, Robin has okayed it. Well,

it's not up to Robin.

But look, I've really got to get going. So if we can just make this happen,

that's absolutely good. But look, it's not going to happen because he's not

in a school uniform.

Oh, Cherie, I think we'll have some spare ones in lost property. Oh,

Stay out of it, Georgina. This has got nothing to do with you.

Don't listen to her.

Sorry, but I'd love to help. Well,

never mind. Can I just say, I adore your whole look. You have a look of

Elizabeth Taylor.

Oh, thanks so much. I love fashion.

Yeah.

Oh, look.

Look, I think we can do something just today.

My God, are you joking? Go to the lost property and get him kitted out in a

uniform. Oh, OK.

Hi, Charlie.

Hi, Archie.

What are you doing here?

Mum just dropped me off here for the day. Of course she did.

It was my nephew, Charlie.

Yeah, he's already told us.

You tell them some fun stuff about Auntie Robin.

What's this?

Running for council.

You can't have political advertising on school grounds, Simon.

You can't have it inside school grounds, but out here it's fine. This is the

berm. It's right outside the school. Yeah, it is. Yeah, that's where most of

people are.

Changing young minds.

You guys want a selfie?

No, thanks.

Relentless action.

Yeah, you've got work to do. You work every single day relentlessly.

What are your policies?

Tax cuts.

We get to hold on to our money, you and me.

You know, just leave the money in our pockets and less funding for schools.

You're on the board of trustees.

Yeah.

All right, well, you know, just figure it out. There's nothing to figure out.

It's here. It's figured out.

What's this?

My moustache? Yeah. It's not cool uniform, is it?

It's hair.

I need that gone.

Otherwise, I'll get a razor and I'll shave it off myself.

Okay, it'll be gone.

What class do you have after lunch?

Social Sciences.

What room is that?

23A. Okay, well I'll be outside the door.

You're scrunchy. It's purple.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, purple's not the school colour, is it?

Well, not nearly.

Nearly is.

That's two detentions. What?

Two detentions? Yeah. Do you want more?

No, sorry.

Charlie,

how's it going?

Fine, yeah, I'm just studying. I've got the exams next week.

Oh, cool, cool.

Hey, um, have you got your driver's licence?

No, I've got my learner's. Oh, perfect.

I just wonder if you can give me a quick lift somewhere, just up the road.

How do I remove a bit?

Oh, my God.

Oh.

OK, now I need you to carefully drive out the gate. You need to go a lot

and a lot smoother, OK?

I'm going to go and check the damage.

I think I hit my head, Auntie Robin.

Oh, my God.

Oh, shit.

Sorry, Auntie.

Hey,

I saw that.

You just wait till I get to you.

What? If I find a cigarette on you guys, there's going to be five detentions

each.

What I am pleased about is Jarvis.

You've shaved your moustache off. But what I'm not pleased about is you

around here.

This isn't school grounds.

Yes, it is. Yeah, it is. No, the school's there and this is outside

But the fence is there. I know the layout of the school. Get up.

Let's go.

All right, now we're on school grounds.

It's the same placement.

No, it's technically a different area.

So where's the boundary?

Well, it's here.

I think you're raking your shoe there.

That's the line.

Don't go over it.

Now, you're going to have to stay awake all night tonight.

The whole night? You're very dangerous if you go to sleep.

Why? If you go to sleep, you might never wake up again.

Oh, God.

This is a new low for you, isn't it, Robin? Look at you lying there. You

couldn't be more relaxed. Would you like a cigarette?

I have just been in an accident, OK?

Thank you.

Dad?

What's going on?

I was in a little car accident.

I was doing a favour for Aunty Robin.

Hey, Giles, how are you? It's Robin here.

No, no, no, I'm in New Zealand at work.

Aha. Why did you phone him?

Because he didn't pick up.

Well, I was in a very, very important meeting.

Meeting?

What's that supposed to mean?

Mum, I know it wasn't a meeting.

Please don't do this. It's very gaslighting. I don't like it, OK?

I have got enough of that with your father to deal with. He's been

me down the phone.

I've got texts, I've got emails, I've got calls, I've got shouting, I've got

lawyers. I mean, it's just absolutely horrific.

When my sister comes to New Zealand with her child, I just assume you've told

his father.

Why? Because of the law, because of custody.

It's my week with him. I can do what the fuck I want.

Oh, God. What was it that you were so urgently needing to do?

I actually had an MRI.

So what's the problem?

They found a smudge. Where's the smudge?

It's around the base of my spine.

And where were you today? I was Zooming. I was doing an important Zoom.

Come on, what were you actually doing today, Catherine? Okay, I had a massage,

had hookstones, I had a mud wrap, I had a facial, I had a little bit of Botox,

and then I went and had some Chardonnays in a casino.

Thank you.

I had a bikini wax booked, okay, and I'd already cancelled the appointment

twice, and I wanted to protect my relationship with the clinic.

Okay. Why don't we just...

Call the truth.

Bye for now. Bye for now.

Oh, my gosh.

What the...

We've

never had an annual Board of Trustees update.

We had one two years ago.

Did we? Yeah.

Was I there?

You were there, though.

Do it every year.

Yeah, all right. Okay, all right. Good on you.

Come to my attention that someone's been putting these posters around the

school. You all know that Ms Patel is the disciplinary monitor.

She should be allowed to do her job without this kind of stuff.

Right?

Now, obviously, it's a quality poster.

I mean, it's very bold.

Lovely reference to Stalin there, or Lenin. Don't compliment it.

Yes, the Piran part, that's problematic, because you can't be calling teachers

at the school Piran, despite the lovely poster.

What's next?

Oh, yes, Simon Smith wants to do the annual Board of Trustees update, but I

don't recall that happening, although he maintains we do them.

Kia ora, everybody.

Some of you ought to see me around the school and thought, who's that cool guy?

My name's Simon Smith.

I'm on your board of trustees, but I'm also running for local council.

Let's get a show of hands. Who's 18?

Reach right up into the sky, just so I can see you. Okay. Simon. So

you vote for people that you know and you trust, people like me, people that

cool. I'll stop there, eh? Yeah, no worries. Okay, so I'll be at the front

there. Just remember, Simon Smith, relentless.

Action. Thank you, mate.

We'll see you all outside. We'll get selfies.

We'll get you all signed up. No, don't do selfies.

Let's get out there and vote, guys.

Don't shake his hand.

Pass him on.

Good on you, guys.

No, don't high -five him.

Remember, voting is cool.

You've got the problem with your billboard. The way you're behaving at

it just can't happen.

Well, I'm glad you brought up the billboard, because it's been vandalised.

what way?

Someone's put a speech bubble, and it says, I've got a small one, which is

bullshit. Well, listen, we're not here to discuss that, Simon. And it shouldn't

be on school grounds anyway.

Oh, well, I had a chat with Gerard about it, and he said it was fine.

No, I didn't. It's got to come down, Simon.

I have a serious question to put for you, Simon. In the bank account three

ago, $30 ,000 was withdrawn. Then a week later, that money was returned.

Sorry, what's the problem?

For a week, we didn't have $30 ,000.

Did you need it?

I feel like you're severely missing the point, Simon.

What did you do with that money?

Well, I put it back into the account. So the only thing that should be of

interest to the school is what happens to the money when it's in the account.

No, that's not the way it works. The money goes out of the account, now it's

none of your business.

Then it goes back into your account, now it's your business again. What happens,

Simon, when we get audited and they ask us where that money was and we go, we

don't know?

Simon,

I don't think miming a zip and then throwing away the key is going to work

the auditors when they come for us.

What were you doing with it, Simon?

Cryptocurrency.

Oh. How much money did you make, Simon?

A little bit over 20 grand.

What do you think paid for that billboard?

Look, Simon, if it wasn't so hard to entice people to be on the board, you'd

out. You're on probation, okay?

Right. Everyone, thanks for your time.

Thank you.

Democratic.

What chance?

What's going on? I don't know, just thought I could...

Come in, see if you needed a hand.

You think I want something from you.

100%. Okay, well you're wrong because I have got an offer for you. Oh, okay.

Would you like to come to a fancy lunch with me today? This is the scattering of

the ashes lunch, yeah. But more, it's kind of more lunch and then it's kind of

like the ashes.

thing but if you're thinking because it could be quite nice to balance it out

because you know it's mom and then it's katherine and sarah and then there's me

wouldn't it be great if you came just kind of balance it yeah because it can

really intense and i just think it'll be fun intense and fun yeah no because i

think it'll be more fun if you're kind of there oh i don't want to get involved

on the fair your family stuff is pretty full -on it's not full -on oh come on as

long as it won't be awkward that's all

Are you eating the cucumber out of the sandwich?

I'm just avoiding gluten.

Can you just not put it back on the plate? Fine.

Sorry to be rude, Vinnie. This was meant to be family only.

And Marcus was told he couldn't come.

Vinnie's a very close friend of mine. Yeah, but Marcus is my husband and did

dad. Nobody likes Marcus.

Oh, sorry.

Mum! Hi, Mum.

Mum! I guess she's drunk.

You look lovely, Mum.

I know.

Mummy, mummy, mummy.

Mum,

I would like to introduce you to a very close friend of mine. This is Vinnie.

Are you a husband or a random?

No, no, not a husband, Mum.

Husbands weren't allowed.

Welcome to the family.

Oh, when are you getting married?

No, no, no, no, no, no, Mum. It's just like, welcome to the family. But not

really.

Yeah.

A gift of honour. Here he is.

Little Roger.

Our daddy.

Well, not your daddy.

I used to call him daddy when we were intimate.

Can I have some wine? I'm getting very upset.

A bit more.

She should eat something.

Mum? You want a little saucy roll? Do you like those ones? What about a pie,

Mum? No, I don't want a pie.

When did they arrive?

They've been here the whole time.

Oh, hello, darling.

Come over and say hello to Grandma.

No, no, I've seen them.

I think we should all share a special memory about Roger.

Go!

My special memory of Dad is when he used to read me Gulliver's travels and used

to fall asleep during the first chapter each night.

Go!

Just do my one.

Okay, so just when he would read Gulliver's travels to me and he'd fall

first chapter.

Go! My favourite memory is at my wedding to Marcus, my husband, when Dad

cried when he walked me down the aisle.

He really didn't want you to marry Marcus.

Hurry up.

Daddy took me for a Valentine's dinner because my date stood me up. We had so

much fun and he told me I was beautiful and that I would be the most successful

daughter. What I'm not enjoying is the kind of fake teary tone that you guys

putting on. Whereas Vinnie and I, when we told our story, we just told it in

regular voices.

I feel like I owe you an apology.

Yeah. Yeah. Because that was the most, that was so awkward.

Do you want to be cheersing? I don't think he fully understands

how this is affecting me.

It's really stressful for me.

I'm keeping it together, but your sister Sarah, the way she was smiling at me, I

was that close to just... Oh, g'day. Hi, guys.

What are we talking about here, then?

We're just talking about how much Vinnie wants to punch Sarah in the face.

I didn't say...

I did not say that.

Been a lot for me down there. I don't blame you, Vin. We've all been there.

I get a spicy mug?

What's the Vin thing? Like, that's not even a name.

His name's Vinnie or Vincent.

Yeah? Vin Diesel?

Solid. Apart from Vin Diesel, though.

I mean, Vin Vendors.

That's Vim Vendors.

It's not bothering me, so whatever.

Please come on, we're going now, please. Oh, God, here we go. Definitely want me

for the next bit.

You are coming. Oh,

yeah. Come on, everybody.

I don't know whether I can quite do this.

I think I need a cigarette.

Oh, maybe after, Mum. No, if she wants a smoke. It's just the secondhand smoke.

It's just not safe for Archie.

Okay, come on, darling. We'll just go for it, yeah.

We'll just go for a walk, my love.

Mmm. Nothing like a dairy.

What's up?

See where you get it from.

Oh, nicotine. Are we going? Okay, grab your smoke, Mum.

Get your smoke.

There we go.

It's been a long time coming, but we're all gathered here to celebrate

the death of Daddy.

So without further ado, we are going to say goodbye,

Roger, as he goes on his final flight into the great

blue yonder.

Goodbye, Roger!

Mum?

What was that?

Roger.

It doesn't feel like there was enough ash.

Yeah. Where's the rest of Dad?

That was all of him.

No, Mum. No, that's not possible, Mum. That's just ridiculous.

Mum, that's not Dad, OK? That was like half a cigarette's worth of ash. He got

very small at the end. It's not Dad. All right!

I didn't find the ashes.

Oh, my God.

I just thought it was a way of getting us all together.

No, no, this is a lie, and we have flown thousands and thousands of miles. We'll

need a reimbursement.

Haven't you loved us being together? I have.

She's right. It's lovely to be here together.

Is it?

What is it? I got what I wanted. So there.

Okay, well done, Mum. Goodbye, everybody.

You should have just invited us out for lunch. And you would have turned up,

would you? Well, I would have considered it.

Come on, darling.

We might be able to make soccer practice.

Morning. What are you doing here?

I work here. No, you don't. You quit. I resigned and now I'm un -resigning.

You can't. Could you just write that you think that I'm the best person for the

job? I'm not going to lie.

I want to start a program that I'm going to call Sons Without Dads.

And I want you two to come and be dad.

Oh. I'd like to be on Sons Without Dads. I think it would be a bit weird,

Robert. Where are the witches?

There's no witches.

Good luck.

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