Original subtitles

? Opening night, opening night ?

How's everybody feeling?

[indistinct chatter]

What, what's wrong?

Okay, guys, talk to me.

Okay, speaking on behalf of the group other than Maria.

[Maria] You're not speaking on behalf of the group.

Shut up, Maria.

Okay, the more that we think about this, like,

I'm just, I'm starting to feel really queasy.

- Like, I look at those suits. - [Destiny] All of us. All of us are!

Like, what if people take photos? I wanna go to law school.

Like, that's gonna be all over the internet.

I can't do, it's not a proper representation of my body.

After everything I've done,

after the suits I've prepared,

all the tiny little nipples I've sewn on,

all your little pubes, hand sewn on?

Mrs. Mokopouwhare, I'm ready. I can do it on my own.

I love the offer, but Equus is an ensemble piece, okay,

and the show must go on.

But seeing as the rest of you are all too chicken shit,

you don't wanna get your dicks out or your vaginas out,

don't worry, I'm not mad,

but I've gotta say, I am pretty disappointed.

[opening theme]

Where are our seats, please?

Oh, yes, you've got, they're down the front.

Get this over with, come on.

- Have a lovely night. - I'm sure you will enjoy the night.

Psst, psst, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys,

guys, guys, guys, psst, psst, psst.

Yep, we can hear you.

The kids, they've just pulled out, all of them.

Oh, I owe you 20 bucks,

- I owe you 20 bucks. - I told you.

You owe me 20!

We bet 20 bucks that this would happen, I love it.

There was a sweepstake?

You sweepstaked them pulling out?

Well.

Okay, look, anyway, I need you guys to help me, okay?

I need you to fill in.

Yeah, oh, look, I've had a few of these.

I've been pre-loading all afternoon, so probably counts me out.

Fantastic.

Okay, who else has been drinking

at the school production?

I've had a couple, yeah.

Look, I tell you what, we'll just use it.

I just need you to be on stage.

It's a physical motif, okay?

- Pretty buzzed. - I'm not okay.

? Please, will you help me ?

? I need a favor ?

Welcome to it Equus.

Just so you know, the students aren't nude.

They're in nude suits, so.

[Sheree] Enjoy.

[woman sighing]

[calm music]

[intense music]

[calm music]

[disturbing music]

[jaunty music]

[everyone cheering and clapping]

That is so great.

[everyone talking simultaneously]

Just brilliant.

I couldn't be happier.

And, oh, Rudeman, you in the middle there

with your clippity cloppities, I just.

That was quite touching, wasn't it?

You didn't have a penis though, so that was a bit confusing.

- No, we went with a gender neutral touch for Rudeman.

I think you'll find it's gender neu [neighing] tral!

[everyone laughing]

[club music]

[Vinnie] You love a fuckin' dart, don't you?

Yeah.

Smoke in your office a bit, don't you?

A little bit with the window open, yeah.

Yeah, if there is a smell I'll let you know.

You know the thing, the thing I like about you,

I respect your aggression, you know your rage.

- [Vinnie] Thank you. - I like that, yeah.

Fuckin' thank you, because not everyone gets it.

And I've been working on it, you know, I don't know if you've noticed but,

It's got bigger. Yeah, it's got bigger and better.

No, like working on it, like I'm trying to reduce it.

Oh, I haven't seen that, I see no evidence of that.

Oh, yeah. you know what I like about you?

Mmm?

You're willing to try things?

Mmm.

I may have something for the wrap party.

Oh, Oh. Yeah, like, what kind of thing? Like a... an eccy?

Speed.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, yeah do you want to jump on board?

Well, I'm a bit munted, I've had like five or six of these.

Speed will fix that.

It'll just give you another, another pair of legs for the night.

Hey, what happened to you last night?

Oh, I, I headed home.

Yeah. 'cause last time I remember seeing you

is we were doing the helicopter

- cock. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I feel like shit.

Yeah, me too, hey, you coming

to the staff room meeting?

Oh, shit, no, no, no, no, no.

Can you cover for me?

What am I gonna say?

Oh, Robyn, Robyn, Robyn can't be here.

Okay.

[basketball thuds]

Oh, oh, don't do that

- with the fuckin' ball Vinnie. - [Vinnie] Oh fuck, sorry.

- See ya. - See ya.

? Equus, Equus, Equus, Equus ?

Ah, yeah, it was quite odd timing, wasn't it?

? Equus, [woman vocalizing] Equus ?

[Jarred] Hey, has Robyn, has anyone seen Robyn?

[Vinnie] Yeah, she's, she's not gonna make the meeting.

She's not in a good place.

- Where is she? - I don't know.

Who knows where she is?

- [Rachel] What's he saying? - [burps] Oh, fuck, I'm gonna vomit,

- I feel so sick. - [overlapping chatter]

Can everyone just focus please? You got item one as we found another poo

in the horticulture garden.

- Seriel pooer. - [Jarred] Yeah.

- Fresh? - Yes, it's fresh.

Could have been anyone last night then, because there was some fucking pissed up

people around the school.

Look, it's not appropriate to be pooing on school grounds.

Okay? I don't care whether it's after a show or whenever.

[John] No.

So my question is this, was it anyone here?

[everyone overlapping] No. No.

If I was going to poo in a horse costume,

I would've pooed out on the field like a real horse.

- Is anyone else sweating? - [Jarred] Okay, thank you.

Now the outreach have got a police constable coming up

to the school to talk to the senior students

about cyber bullying, alright?

Robyn's clearly not available to look after her,

so I need one of you lot to do it. You wanna do it?

- Mmm-hmm. - [Jarred] Vinnie?

- Yeah. - [Jarred] I want you there too.

So clean yourself up, you look like death's door.

You got any deodorant?

- Because you smell a bit whiffy. - I do.

- I've got some roll on if you want that. - Just borrow some roll-on off Rudeman,

- I'm not touching his roll-on. - [Jarred] Okay, that'll do.

Let's go and have a nice day. Teach some kids.

- Okay. - [Jarred] Okay.

[upbeat music]

[school bell rings]

[Rudy] Can I ask a question, Constable Lilly?

- Yep.

So cyber, on a smartphone, it's cyber bullying,

- Correct. - But on a landline.

- Yeah, So that's not - It's cyber bullying-

No, it's not technically cyber bullying.

That's just bullying, verbal bullying

as it would be if you were face to face with someone.

But maybe one of the students have got an example they'd like to share, yes.

Yeah. Well, it, it was from somebody that I knew.

And, and on, on, on, on the social media.

- It was a woman, a female. - Yes.

And, and she was saying a lot of things that just weren't true about me.

And, and what was the relationship between you and this, this person?

When you, intimately, I mean, we used to know,

know each other intimately.

- Dad! - What do you want me to say?

[Vinnie] Sorry, sorry, I'll just quickly jump in.

- Who's that?

Oh, that's Vincetint Thompson. He's the PE teacher.

Vincetint? Okay, so we've talked about cyber bullying.

That's cyber meaning,

[Students] Online,

and bullying causing ongoing harm.

Did you have a question, Mr.-

Yeah, sorry. I, I Cyber bullying is what you're talking about.

I thought this was how to bully.

What? Why would we have a talk on how to bully?

- It's quite the opposite. - I mean, why wouldn't you?

Because you kind of need to know that if, if you're getting bullied in a school,

don't you need to know how to defend yourself,

you know, fight fire with fire,

teaching the kids some tools.

I do think defending yourself against a bully

is a bit different to bullying.

So if you've got, you know, two bullies, don't make a right to,

- [Vinnie] No,

- [Lilly] What's that saying? - But it does make a fair fight.

No matter how hard you fight back, you're gonna find it very difficult

and very emotionally damaging.

Let's go back to the initial message, okay? Yes?

- Just, sorry, this is the last one. - Okay, great.

Dixon, he's flogged a couple of kids here, right.

We wanted to be arming him with strategies to stop feeling the need to be a bully,

a confident way.

What I'm saying is you do cyber bullying-

You're actually saying quite a lot and it's not really related to the prevention

- of cyber bullying. - Well, I'm getting back on cyber now.

- [Lilly] Okay. - Do a cyber section.

[Lilly] Yes.

And then do a physical section.

So you go, don't say you're an ugly fuck on Facebook, right, and then also

just have a boxing bag at the back.

Let 'em learn a couple of choke punches.

Sorry, I'm, are you suggesting I should do a dual-streamed presentation?

But if somebody's gonna teach a choke hold,

- you'd be the best person to do it. - That is an absolute last resort.

I don't mean you are.

It's not only something that we would use if we,

- if we need to keep people safe. - Sure.

Okay, and again, back to what I was talking about with the cyber bullying.

- Sorry, just really quickly. - [Lilly] You know...

Putting those, I'm just gonna keep talking now.

Okay, you know, just using these strategies

that we've talked about today can really help keep you safe.

So if you just wanna grab those handouts,

I think you guys can go away knowing that,

you know, good people don't bully.

Okay, so thanks very much for your time.

Sorry, Lilly sorry, the handouts.

Yeah, so those handouts I sent through earlier,

they was to be printed off.

Sorry, I'm just the reliever.

Ms. Sullivan always puts in the top drawer.

Just check the drawer.

Yeah, it's locked.

Okay. Well, I mean, no that doesn't, that's fine here.

Well it's, I mean it's really important work.

Great to know which, which one I'm,

Hi Constable, my name's Jarred. I'm the principal of the school.

- Hi. - [Jarred] How was your class?

Oh, I think it was mostly really positive.

Good, good, hey, can I ask you a question?

Yeah, sure.

We've got an ongoing series of incidents

around the school grounds where someone's been pooing.

We don't really know who it is.

Right, yeah.

We think the only way to find out is probably give it

to someone who can take, do some tests on it.

I think that I'm not quite sure I could be the right person for that.

We just wanna find out so we can just, you know, embarrass them about it.

Like, you know, like the dog like rubbed their face in it.

There it is, found it right at the back.

Just in with the food?

Yeah, just in behind a muffin. There you go.

Great.

[Vinnie] Massive, isn't it?

Do you maybe have like another little, maybe a bag or a container?

- Oh yeah, it's in a bag, it's in a bag. - Okay.

That one's from the long jump pit. So there's a bit of sand in there.

I was a bit worried that might have been a contaminant.

- Oh, that's fine. - Okay.

Like I said, I'll get my friend onto that as soon as possible

and let you know what the results are.

- [Jarred] Great. - Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you too, Constable. - Nice to meet you.

[lively music]

[Georgina] Should I just come back

when Miss Duffy is here?

[Rudy] Oh, no, no, I found this.

Ah, okay.

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

[Georgina] Ten years, I would say by then,

so law, that's gonna happen.

So I'd say maybe like junior partner.

I wanna be really well established.

Maybe like starting to think about a family.

I wanna own my house by then.

Okay, next question.

What kind of wolf are you?

Normally she uses that board of resource, yeah.

Phew, okay.

What kind of wolf are you?

[Georgina] Yeah, I would definitely say that I'm an alpha wolf in a pack.

- Oh, okay. - Yeah.

- Where do they come from? What country do they come from?

They're not a breed of wolf. They're in every wolf pack.

They're the leader essentially.

Take it [indistinct].

[Frankie] Oh, fast, fast, fast.

Oh, stink. Mr. Needham, there's another one.

[Jarred] Oh, you're joking.

Recently, we are finding a lot of human poo on the school grounds.

And just now we found one on the basketball courts.

Bang, we're in a snap assembly. Right?

We've sent the poos off to forensics with the police.

So we're gonna know who it is.

So what I suggest is that whoever did it just come forward.

Just come and talk to me afterwards.

If this is a cry for help, just consider this

me answering your cry for help, okay.

Come and talk to me.

So in addition to that, last week, a couple

of you students have got into the resources room

and you've used the photocopier to photocopy your buttocks.

Look, come and tell me you did some photocopying with your butts.

I was having fun, promise you won't do it again, it's fine.

Okay, so any questions? Yes,

I'd like to volunteer my bum to be photocopied,

to eliminate myself from the investigation.

Actually that's a good idea. Who wants to eliminate themselves

by photocopying their bums?

Okay, go see Sheree tomorrow morning before class.

Put you on the list, we'll get that done.

[footsteps thudding]

Oh, you've been in there all day?

Ah no, not all day.

Okay, well it's just that I've had Rudy

covering your classes all day and we all had

a great night last night, but I'd rather that

we didn't get too drunk and turn up to school

hung hungover and end up sleeping in the sick bay.

Could just avoid doing that again that'd be great.

- Yeah, I can't promise anything.

- I'd rather you did, - [Robyn] But I can.

I know you would, but I, I, what I can do is say

I don't think it's great behavior.

I think we both agree on that and that we can both try,

It's not about us trying to do better.

Yeah, it's more about you, you all right?

Yeah. Just, just, yep.

I, I'm agreeing with everything that you're saying.

Sorry, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna try and make it to the car.

[school bell rings]

The results have come back from the lab, from that poo sample.

Oh, great.

- Yes. - Okay.

It's a female poo,

age bracket 35 to 55.

It's got traces of couscous in it

and traces of methamphetamine.

- Is it your poo? - No, Jarred it is not my poo.

- Okay. - I absolutely hate couscous.

Okay, so who else is it?

Well, I dunno, what about Judy?

It's a very theatrical thing to do.

It is, isn't it?

Well, it can't be Robyn.

Why not?

Now I just want to, I'm just having a little talk

everybody, because the test results say that it's a, a female poo.

Uh-huh.

So I just wanted to have a chat with you about

whether it's yours.

Oh, it's not mine.

There are traces of couscous in it.

Right? And you're connecting the couscous with me.

- Yeah, well, you like couscous? - I do. I love couscous,

- [Jarred] Mmm. - But I, I haven't been shitting around

the school Jarred.

I dunno anyone else who eats couscous at school.

I find it very improbable to think that I'm

the only person who eats couscous on the staff.

As far as I can tell you are.

So have you got a date on this poo?

Yeah, it says that it's about two and a half weeks old.

Two and a half weeks.

And, and so where was it found?

In the long jump pit.

[whispers] The long jump pit, the long jump pit.

Okay, okay, okay, yes I did,

I did do a little poo in the long jump pit,

but I swear to God that was the only one. I'm not responsible for the other

- Poos. - Okay, So just

when I said did you do a poo, and you say no,

- [Robyn] I know. - just say yes.

Okay, I, yeah some, there's a lot going on in my brain.

I've forgotten about that one.

But yes, I did a poo in the long jump pit,

but that was it, a one sole poo.

- I just got another question. - Yeah.

It also says here that there were traces of methamphetamine.

Can you explain that?

Yeah, no, of course I can because, because two

and a half weeks ago I had a cold and I was taking those, you know,

those quite strong night and day...

- I don't think those things, - pills.

- They've got meth, - I don't think there's

- methamphetamine in those pills - they've got methy stuff,

- what is it, - in those pills.

Well, meth something, isn't it?

- It's just traces of meth. - No, meth is a very specific thing.

It's like traces of nuts, It's in everything.

- I don't think that's, - it's in everything.

You test every poo and there'll be meth in it.

Test anybody's poo. Test your own, send your own one in tonight

and there'll be meth in it, I'm sure of it.

Trace or traces of meth.

[birds chirping]

A-[Georgina] Miss Duffy. - Hello girls.

- [Georgina] Sorry to interrupt. - You're not interrupting anything.

- Okay, - What can I do for you?

I just wanted to let you know that I just saw a couple of students smoking.

- Smoking? - Yeah, yeah.

Okay, which students?

I don't want to name drop, but Maria, Bean-

- Maria, Bean, - [Georgina] And Dixon.

- And Dixon, of course, okay. Off to class. - Yeah.

- Thank you. - Yeah. Yeah.

That little Georgina girl, I need to shut her down, man.

- She's just a little bit- - [Robyn] Okay, guys.

She's a-

- So what are you guys up to? - We're just having a quick dart.

That's right, you're having a dart.

What are the rules around smoking in this school?

- No smoking at school. - [Robyn] No smoking, okay.

So I'm gonna need you to put those durries out.

Five, four, three.

That's gonna start a fire, okay?

I'm not smoking.

- No, you're vaping. - Absolutely.

You know what, I find vaping pathetic. You look like a steam engine, okay?

And mid-strength, passion fruit, it's pathetic.

But, Miss Duffy, you smoke darts too.

- I do not smoke darts. - I saw you having a durry just before.

No, you did not, Maria, okay.

Put that cigarette out, young lady. Maria.

It's just expensive. I just...

Okay, I need to see you in my office after first period.

- Can you see me too? - Yes, I can, Dixon.

I want to see you right now in my office.

[upbeat music]

Is this about the vaping?

No, it's not just about the vaping.

It's about your general behavior, isn't it?

Why am I in trouble, miss? I thought I-

No, I'm not saying you're in trouble.

Well, is this about what, my uncle's selling weed?

- What, what, what information do you want? - Oh, no, but I'll write that down.

- So which uncle was that, is that Wiremu? - No.

[Robyn] Uncle Wiremu, okay.

No, that's not the information I was wanting,

but I will note that.

How much does he sell that for these days?

Oh, it depends how much grams you want.

Well, like, I don't know, like one of those silver, the, the oven foil ones.

- The, the what? - The oven foil ones which they wrap up.

I've seen them in the television.

How much those go for? $40? $50? $100?

- Are you talking about a tin, miss? - Ah, you think I might be, yeah.

- Are you talking about a tinny? - Okay well, just don't,

Twenty bucks, miss, easy. I can get you, I can get you a 20 right now.

I'm not, I do not take drugs.

Have I talked to you about wolves communication?

- Oh, - [Robyn] Have I?

- Only like a thousand times, miss. - Okay. You seem to me, Dixon, like a boy

that thinks of himself as a wolf. But you know what?

And just listen to me, you are not.

This first question's first.

What subject is this one?

Yes.

- English. - Yes.

Are we gonna get our results back on To Kill a Mockingbird?

Yes, I'm just gonna do the roll call first.

Sophia,

Destiny,

- Shaleesh, are you Shaleese? - No, no.

Nabiya, hello?

I think you've got the wrong roll.

[papers rustling]

Sorry I'm late, sir, didn't hear the bell.

- What's your name? - Bean.

- I'm gonna give you a warning, Ben. - Bean.

- As in, - B-E-A-N.

- [Students] Sir. Sir, sir. - Sir, that's the smart board.

Shit, okay, so results for your essay. Do you know where she would,

Yeah. She would've kept in the top drawer. No other side.

- Drawers, drawers. - Drawers. Come the-

- You are very - Yeah, warmer.

- You'll get, - No down,

- colder, warmer, - top drawer, Yeah,

It needs a key.

- Oh, it's the left, - Okay.

I can't help but notice that you don't have any shoes on.

- Mm, no sir.

- What's your name? - Maia.

[students] That's a smart board, again.

You don't have shoes either.

So there's actually a student in our class

that is doing a sausage sizzle for a fundraiser for himself.

And if you don't pay him immediately, then he takes your shoes.

- Who's the student? - I don't wanna drop names.

- No, no one's dropping names. - But it's Dixon.

[knocking on door]

Oh, gidday.

Oh, Principal Needham. There's been a little bit of an emergency.

I was wondering if, if, if,

if you would like, if you, you would able to-

[Dixon] Oh, fuck, oh, here we go.

- What are you doing here? - Just having lunch.

You can't do that on school grounds, Dixon.

- [Dixon] Says who? - Says me.

Well, I've been here for a week.

- Business is booming. - What, doing this?

Yeah, well, business is good.

- [Jarred] You know about this? - I've come down a couple of times.

They're bloody good sausages.

Okay, so these are the shoes that have been going missing, right?

So you're selling sausages for shoes?

It's a fundraiser, sir.

What's the money for?

Okay, sir, if you must know, my mother lost her job.

- Oh. - So I'm just doing this to get some food.

Well, you can't sell food on school grounds.

So we're gonna wrap this up now, okay?

[lively music]

Oh, hey, Robyn. Hey, can I have a word?

Ah, yep.

Hey, look, I just found Dixon running a, a sausage sizzle.

- What do you mean? Like a fundraiser? - Yeah. If the kids can't pay for them,

he's taken their shoes.

- There's a pile of shoes. - That's bullying, that's bullying.

You know, I, okay, this morning I found him vaping

mid-strength, passion fruit as well.

Okay, so this concerns me.

And so I mean, what would you do?

I would get a professional in.

Oh, I think it's a bit heavy-handed. I mean, I wouldn't bring cops on board.

No, no, not cops.

I'd bring a, a psychologist and a child psychologist.

- Oh, right, okay. - Yeah.

Someone who can just, who's paid properly

to sit down and deal with them.

- Okay. Yes, good. - You know, because I don't want 'em in

my office 24/7, sucking up my energy.

[closing theme]

? Educators, are you ready? ?

? We are the teachers ?

? And we're proud to shout ?

? We're rough, we're tough ? We're powder puffs ?

? So come on, educators, do your stuff ?

Then you spell it.

E-D-U-C, and then you spell it out.

[closing theme]

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