Original subtitles

Did Gisele tell you I'm transgender?

No.

REN: Don't trip.

ARISCE: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Ren's walk always disappoints me.

I need you more than ever, Dominique.

I'm leaving New York.

DOMINIQUE: I am not going to be ten years down the road

doing dishes.

Cece!

How are you? This place is nice.

ISIS: If I said I wasn't attracted

to Laith, that would be stupid.

ARISCE: If anyone's gonna have Laith, it's me.

Sorry, but I'm kind of the seductress of the group.

Oh, my God. What's going on?

LAITH: I think... I think she thinks it was a date.

(deep voice): Hello? Was that your dad?

(higher voice): Yeah. Why does your voice get lower?

CASSANDRA: Ren is in denial about a lot of things.

I just want you to get over

the shame.

No, no, no, no

No apologies

No, no, no, no

No sorry

CHANEL: Hey, girl.

Ooh, welcome home.

How are you? Good. I'm just on Tinder,

left-swiping the hell out of everyone.

God, I was on that literally one second ago.

Lots of left swipes today. They were really bad.

Really? ARISCE: Dating is hard for anyone.

But for trans women, it is particularly difficult,

because our dating pool is, like, this deep.

(chuckles) It is quite shallow.

But I think it's harder

for trans women everywhere because society puts all

this pressure on men to be men.

And so they feel emasculated by a trans woman

because they "used to be" men, when, really, none of us used

to be men-- we've always been women.

How's being back in the dating field?

I am bombarded with all these sausages.

They sending you di-- pics?

(laughs) Why?

You want to see?

Yes, I do. (both laugh)

Fun secret, girls share all of their di-- pics.

Right? No, it's like they're all nice and everything.

They want to take me out to dinner, but it's like...

I don't disclose that I'm trans.

Are you serious?

So yours is a crapshoot. You don't know what you're getting.

I don't know what I'm gonna get, so I haven't gone out with any

of the guys. It's kind of s... You need to disclose that you're trans.

It is scary. It is scary. It's like...

Before... Honey, that's how you end up chopped up

in a trunk in Cambria.

Chanel not telling guys that she's trans

before she goes on dates with them

is the most dangerous thing I've ever heard in my life.

You don't know what's gonna happen. People are dangerous,

especially grown men.

They have proven to kill us

in the streets and get away with it.

What I would opt to do, like,

if you don't want to disclose it,

don't date 'em.

My experiences have been, like, mixed, just because

younger guys, I like them because they grew up

with, like, LGBT people on TV.

Yeah. So they're more open to change and...

just going public, in general.

But older men come from that generation

when all they knew were transgender hookers.

And that is not this.

No, but, um, older men aren't

really secure with the whole trans thing,

so it's confusing. Yeah.

I need someone who's secure with themselves,

just because I can't deal Me, too.

with the insecure bullsh--.

Like, you'll be in, like, the supermarket together,

and they're just like, "Do you think they know?

And I'm like, "I don't care. Like, we have a full list

"of groceries that we need to get through right now.

I don't care who knows."

I have to not date all the time, because it is exhausting.

They're like, "So, have you had the surgery?"

I'm like, "Well, how big are you?

What am I working with here? Am I wasting my time?"

And they're like, "What?" I'm like, "What?

You essentially just asked me

the same thing. Can you tell I've been dumped

by a couple losers who weren't worth half my shoe collection?

You, like, never announce your boyfriends.

I don't, because they never last that long.

It's not worth announcing.

Now I'm looking for something a little more real, because

I am pushing 30.

Like, the main word I can only think of is "security."

Like, I need someone who's secure

with who they are as a person and what they're presenting

to the world. Someone who sees me

as, like, a person,

versus seeing me as, like, a thing Yeah.

or a fetish or anything like that.

My ideal relationship

would be a... partnership,

like we're working towards something together.

Two people understanding each other

on a soul level and just kind of getting it.

I'm getting another drink.

God. Come on. I'm coming.

CASSANDRA: You're kidding me, right?

This is your diet?

I wouldn't really call it a diet.

I'd probably call it lunch.

(phone buzzes)

(deep voice): Hello?

How's it going?

I don't know. Well, when-when are you gonna be around?

REN: My dad and I have an interesting-ish kind

of relationship.

We're on good terms, but...

I haven't seen my dad

since I transitioned

about three years ago.

We talk every now and then,

but he hasn't

seen me as... I am now.

As a chick.

If you're gonna be around that time,

maybe you can come over to one of the...

photoshoot things

I'm doing, I guess.

All right.

Bye.

Was that your dad? (higher voice): Yeah.

What's going on there? I guess since he's finally kind of

in the area-ish,

he said he wanted to check in, see how everything's going.

So he's coming to the shoot?

My dad's been asking to see me

for a while. He lives about an hour away, so it's...

kind of easy to not really run into him.

But now that he's in the area,

I don't really want to hurt his feelings by blowing him off.

Why does your voice get lower when you talk to him?

We haven't talked too much about the transition. Doesn't that strike you

as unusual?

No. We talk over the phone.

But you still talk like a guy.

When you talk to him, you lower your voice.

So?

I don't think it's a big deal.

Sometimes I have a tendency

to kind of speak to my dad in a lower voice,

and it's mostly just 'cause I don't want to...

freak him out.

I just want to keep everything as normal

as possible, I guess.

So he's never really

seen you as Ren? No.

Wow.

Are you nervous?

Pretty much, but...

we'll see.

The only time I talked to my dad about my transition,

he just said,

"You're still my kid.

"Doesn't change anything. Still love you.

Just don't chop off your di--."

So now I guess he's gonna see

the real me, which is... I guess, a little nerve-racking.

I think this is the first step

for him to see you as the woman you've become,

and I kind of think it's gonna help your relationship

in the future. It's irrelevant.

No, it's not irrelevant.

Hopefully not. I think he's gonna be proud.

I completely think Ren is in denial about a lot of things.

I think she's not in touch with who she truly is.

I've been there.

My experience with my father was

very traumatic.

My father was a basketball coach,

and I have

three brothers. At 16,

I told my father that I wanted

to be a woman.

And I will never forget,

he looked at me and he said,

"Who's gonna want you?

"Who's gonna love you? Who would want that?

And you're going to be the ugliest woman."

Uh, it literally destroyed me emotionally.

But it also made me become the woman I am today.

I don't want Ren to be afraid

to live up to her potential

because she's afraid to really get in touch

with her true self.

You should have another cheese stick.

You look hungry.

You shouldn't.

You don't. (chuckles)

Give me one of these.

It's a beautiful day.

This is the city to be in. Ugh.

(laughs) ISIS: I can't believe, like...

Where's the Hollywood sign?

It's over there. It's on the...

It's back that way. So, Isis,

on Top Model,

knowing what the dream was then

and, like, you sitting on my patio right now,

I just wish it didn't take this long.

ISIS: Lisa and Naima definitely

remind me that, uh, this is my time.

The first couple of weeks was a little gloomy,

and it just makes me excited about a future in L.A.,

finding a husband.

So what's the difference between

the New York men

and L.A. men? I mean, I think that, in general,

probably vanity plays a bigger role here

than it does in New York.

I think you need someone who's just a lot of fun.

Yeah. I agree. Yeah.

I want to meet, of course, Prince Charming.

I like to think that I'm very optimistic

about meeting the right guy.

Are you on, like, one of those apps?

Yeah, I'm on Tinder. Let me see your profile.

Let me see your phone. Okay.

Read it so Naima can hear.

"I still believe

"in a happily-ever-after and fairy tales.

"Five seven and a half,

115.3 pounds."

(laughter)

It don't say point three! I'm just kidding.

Okay. It just says 115 pounds.

"Well respected

"post-op transgender female who is quite ambitious,

"artistic, well traveled, affectionate and optimistic.

"I'm the diamond in the rough

you've been waiting for." I think that's gorgeous

and beautifully written. Thank you.

Yeah. I love that.

Okay, Lisa, so you have

to set me up. I'm about to set you up for life

if you'd just listen to me.

I like that.

Wow! Look who just rode into my dream.

A man!

Hey! Welcome back.

LAITH: I'm in L.A.

for a big shoot with, uh, some of the other Slay models.

I'm gonna get to see Arisce and Isis again.

I haven't seen them since New York Fashion Week.

Bad boy...

Bad boy.

I want to get to know them and the rest

of the girls a little better.

Cece! You made it! How are you?

I'm good. How was your flight?

Long.

Did you see his arms?

Stop.

All the girls

suddenly were like little teenage girls.

Herself included.

Hey, dude!

Hi. Mama Bear!

(laughing)

I feel that I need to protect Laith

from the other models.

It's seriously like dropping a steak

in a cage full of lions.

Hi.

What's up? What's going on? How you doing?

ISIS: If I said I wasn't attracted to Laith,

that would be stupid.

Who's gonna show me around?

CECE: Take your pick.

Have your muscles

gotten bigger? CECE: Except her.

That's an HR liability.

ARISCE: Everyone's smitten by Laith,

and that's so cute, because he's so cute.

But if anyone's

gonna have Laith, it's me.

(laughs) Sorry, but I'm kind of the seductress of the group.

All I have to do is flash some leg and tell a joke,

and I get what I want.

DOMINIQUE: What do you have planned?

Just the shoot.

I'm here for that shoot. I can't wait.

Will I be clothed?

Yes, you are. Okay.

Whaaat?

He's gonna be clothed.

Are you thirsty? I'm okay.

Are you sure? Yeah, I'm good.

I'm thirsty. Very thirsty.

Oh, my God, stop.

HR issue.

Cassandra's over there ruining that seat.

(laughter)

I'm very attracted to Laith.

I mean, if I wasn't with the agency,

I mean, I would've hit it by now.

Oh, my God.

This is why she's an HR nightmare.

From the little I've seen,

I think you will really enjoy L.A.

CECE: Why don't you take him out?

'Cause I'm busy this week.

I can't take him anywhere. I don't know this place.

And it's not safe for you to go with Cassandra.

ARISCE: It's really not safe

with me, either.

But at least

I'm his age.

Depends on the lighting.

(laughter) Oh!

The chairs are getting thrown today!

Listen, bitch...

LAITH: Arisce, she's a cutie. She definitely knows

how to work a camera,

and she can probably show me a few things.

I think that the girls can sense

that I'm a bit shy and I get a little uncomfortable,

so they flirt.

You're gonna have so much fun-- they're gonna

break you out of your shell.

Yeah. I'm a little stiff, huh? Stiff?

(laughter) Don't get go there.

(laughs): Look how pretty you look.

I look like a...

flamingo (bleep) a dandelion.

What do you see when you look? Regret.

I'm not gonna suddenly be, like, "Dad, call me 'she.'

Dad, I'm gonna wear dresses," et cetera.

Dude, we have a roof!

You come up here with those shoes on?

(laughs): Like, really? I come up here

with any shoes on-- flip-flops, sandals,

whatever. There's a nice little view up here-- a good place

to come up and think about stuff.

Or air out a fart.

But... Of course you would say that.

I don't know.

Laith and I met about a year ago.

Laith is someone that I feel

a little bit more comfortable with talking about my parents,

and with my dad coming to the shoot,

'cause I feel like he can a little bit relate.

Especially since he's going through his own experiences

with his mom

accepting him as a guy.

You want to force me

to call you "he," but I can't.

My dad's coming to the shoot.

Okay.

Do you have a good relationship with him?

I don't know. He does his thing, I do my thing.

It's just, like, everybody thinks

that you're supposed to have this big connection

with your family, but it's just, like, Yeah.

Yeah. I kind of cut that a while ago. Not cut it,

but thinned it out. We lived in the back

of a truck for a year-- I'm not gonna suddenly

be like, "Dad, call me 'she,'

Dad, I'm gonna wear dresses," et cetera.

Yeah. But that's... it's...

who you are. No, it's not. I don't

walk around telling people to call me this or that.

You know, if they want to call me this, (bleep) 'em.

If they want to call me that, go ahead,

I don't care. Yeah. I mean, it's a good attitude to have

if you want to protect yourself, but at the same time,

you don't want to just feel that you have to change who you are because...

he may be uncomfortable.

Ren is...

afraid to be herself around her dad,

and she's afraid that

he won't accept her for who she is.

She still isn't a hundred percent comfortable

with her femininity.

She would help herself out if she...

let her guard down and allowed her...

her father to understand who she is.

You make yourself vulnerable, and...

And what's wrong with being vulnerable?

It doesn't make you weak. Uh, you're vulnerable.

That's a beautiful thing.

REN: Expressing...

the feminine side still kind of does

make me feel vulnerable, because...

you know, all throughout my transition,

I didn't... wear any female clothes

or anything like that until about...

nine months in.

Because as soon as you start doing that,

then you give people the opportunity

to call you...

names and et cetera, or, you know,

have... their opinions of you.

Jeans... and a shirt, you're safe.

It's awkward. It can be awkward, it can be beautiful, too.

Eh...

(laughs): Oh, God. I think that Ren

is just really young and she's still learning,

and... she and I have a lot in common.

I'm proud of where I've come from and who I've become.

But when I'm at home with my mom, sometimes...

I kind of... I backtrack.

And it's because, uh, in her eyes,

this isn't okay.

So I understand it's hard for... for Ren.

Let me be, like, your big brother.

You come to me with it. No.

How about I just kick your ass in video games?

And I'll kick your ass in sports. Yeah, try.

(laughs) All right. Thumb wrestle.

You got to beat me in a thumb wrestle.

Thumb wrestle.

Get off me!

(laughing) (grunting)

Could still kick your ass in thumb wrestling. Whatever.

ARISCE: Hi, Laith.

Hi. How are you?

She's cutting my nose hairs, right?

Today I have my photoshoot

in L.A. with Arisce-- I don't really know her too well,

but she definitely isn't shy.

Okay. Fan-(bleep)-tastic.

Let's motor.

LAITH: The back and forth. WOMAN: Oh, yeah.

ARISCE: So, I'm shooting, doing my thing,

and who do I see in the corner of my eye,

but little five-ten-heaven Laith.

Are you injecting yourself in my shoot?

Yep. Jumping right in.

You look... You look so cute.

Oh, yeah. Touch me.

Next thing you know, (grunts)

we're just, you know, locked on up,

like Justin and Britney in their denim heyday.

All right, you're doing...

Arisce is

freakin' fierce.

There's something about her that...

makes me smile. She... she's just not afraid,

and that fearlessness is... is hot.

Hello.

I want to do that again.

I can't wait to do that again. I am doing it again.

Have you been to the beach yet? No.

No? (laughing): Nothing.

Okay. Do you want to go with me?

Yeah, I'd love to.

Let's do it. I'm inspired

to ask Laith out, because, mm, I'm a seductress.

And I looked really pretty that day, so I knew

he wasn't gonna ask me first--

he was terrified.

When do you want to go?

When... You're the one

that knows this place, so... (laughs)

I'll tell you what my schedule is,

and we'll adjust accordingly. Okay.

Because you really have nothing to do.

I always get my man. I should be a detective.

(laughing)

Yeah, I'm gonna get him.

Chain reaction...

Get on the floor

Get on the floor

Get on the floor

Get on the floor

Get on the floor...

CASSANDRA: I'm not here to argue, I'm here to guide.

Just go with it.

We're gonna find a dress.

I'm taking Ren shopping today, because it seems that

she's afraid of her femininity, so I kind of want

to show her that you can be a strong, empowered woman,

but you can still be feminine.

This hat has to come off.

Okay. Don't touch my hat.

Your hair looks...

Um, it's getting... It's getting cut.

CASSANDRA: I think she's really doing herself a disservice.

I think she needs to just wear a dress,

and say, "Dad, this is who I am."

Come on, try to be happy. Now look.

I think you look beautiful.

Pretend to smile.

Like, just, come on.

Just raise the corners just a little.

Look at that!

Look how pretty you look.

REN: I look like

a flamingo fu---- a dandelion.

(laughing): What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Regret.

Cassandra's trying

to throw me in a dress, saying that

it's somehow going to get me more comfortable

in my own skin around other people and my dad.

But, honestly, I think she's delusional.

That dress is beautiful on you.

Those socks need to go.

It's easier to get into the heels with them.

This isn't the '80s.

I love it. Don't you feel great?

I feel like I just came out of Woodstock.

Can you work with me here? Please.

I think you look gorgeous.

The shoes hurt.

When's the last time you had a pedicure?

My dad's

just used to seeing me and treating me as,

you know, his plain old son and kid,

but I don't really know how he's gonna react

to seeing me all dressed up and made up like this.

And I know it's too late to try to cancel it now.

Look in the mirror. Okay, take a moment.

You look classy and you look beautiful.

I look like I'm naked.

Look at your hair-- it's just everything,

it's made for you.

I think your dad would be really, really proud. No.

No. Next.

I don't necessarily think every woman has to wear a dress,

or be a blonde, or whatever.

I think Ren is stuck

being a, like, 12-year-old boy.

I feel that if she could come to terms

with her dad on her transition,

that, in some way, it would help her grow up.

I have a di--.

Stop. Seriously, calm down. Look.

It's noticeable. I know.

No. I've got a di--.

I know Cassandra has good intentions,

but it's gonna be hard enough for him

to not see me as his son.

I don't think, you know, throwing on a dress

and all this makeup's gonna help.

It's just gonna freak him out even more.

(Cassandra gasps)

I think I'm generally in touch

with my feminine side,

but it's just, you know, I...

Everybody represents it differently.

I just act the way I do, 'cause it's what's comfortable.

I like this one. CASSANDRA: I know but you can't have that one.

We need a dress.

Go. Okay.

(sneezes)

Do you like LA so far?

Yeah. I'm super excited.

I'm like, I can't wait for the sun to come out.

The sun is out.

(laughing) It's like, look. Barely.

ARISCE: The date's blah so far.

He's talking to me about the weather, for Christ's sake.

How's work been?

Is this a job interview?

Like, what is this round of questioning?

Like, what is this?

It's not going well.

Hopefully, we see him hug you today.

I don't want to freak him out,

'cause I've got tits now.

I'm gonna uncover what you're hiding under all that.

It's a naked body, Laith. (laughing)

Get ready, ah, ah.

Do you like LA so far?

Yeah, I'm super excited. I'm like...

I can't wait for the sun to come out. The sun is out.

It's like, look. Barely.

ARISCE: The date's blah so far.

He's talking to me about the weather for Christ's sake,

which means it's not going well.

I'm so confused as to why he'd agree

to come to the beach with me

if he's not gonna charm me at all.

I don't want to be just an underwear model.

I want to do clothes, too.

ARISCE: It's just paying your dues,

so that you can call your shots later. Got it.

That's why I'm number one.

Oh, God. Yeah. I'm just saying,

I get to call my own shots. I'm gonna, I'm gonna

bring you back down to earth with that nonsense.

Nah, bitch. Yeah.

I feel like all this, all this sass,

you're hiding something under that.

Yeah, more sass, bitch.

The wrong one.

I was able to get God, I'm not...

(laughing): What? Oh.

Arisce is very, uh, fun and outgoing.

Uh, it's almost like,

she's the opposite of me, so, uh, I think that being

around her would be, would help me

break out of my shell a little more

and get more comfortable with myself.

I'm gonna uncover

what you're hiding under all that.

It's a naked body, Laith. (laughs)

Is that what you want?

ARISCE: It's time to spice things up.

I guess I have to make the first move.

(laughing) Um...

Oh, my goodness, I just touched your hand.

Oh, God. Anyway, oh, my God.

What's going on? (laughs)

This feels okay, right?

Do you look taller than me? I...

(laughing) Stop it.

Is anyone looking? No.

I want to get in the water.

You want to get in the water? At least my feet.

I want to touch the Pacific.

Well, I'm making you carry me, then. Let's go.

Whoa. (Arisce whoops)

ARISCE: I've always been the type of girl to take the lead

in taking what I want.

Is this your first time touching the Pacific Ocean?

Yep. Fabulous.

I'm glad it's with me. Yeah.

'Cause I'm so cold, just like the ocean.

No, you're not.

Because the sun's not out, silly.

Hello. (Laith laughs)

Would you come to the beach on a normal day?

No. It's because we had plans,

and you weren't allowed to flake on me.

If I want Laith, Laith is mine, like, he's putty in my hands.

LAITH: I didn't bring my flip-flops.

You should probably just take those off.

Without a fight

Castle post-summer now

(with British accent): Come touch the water. (chuckles)

Woo! Before my fairy eyes

You came in, a dark knight

(giggles) My-my pants are wet now. (laughs)

LAITH: I've never dated

a transgender woman.

A lot of people,

they obsess over, you know,

bodies and parts,

and it kind of takes away from

actually getting to know the person.

Being out with Arisce is kind of refreshing,

not to have to have that be a topic.

My dress is little wet.

Everything you are

Takes me to the stars

How'd you like the Pacific? (chuckles)

It's-it is very freaking cold.

Maybe today wasn't the greatest day to come to the beach, huh?

(laughs) Okay, look,

I made a plan for today. Uh-huh?

We're sticking to today. Can we come back though?

Yeah, let's come back.

CASSANDRA: Good morning.

Hello.

How are you doing?

I'm doing well.

Slept well. Sort of.

Slightly.

CASSANDRA: Are you nervous?

REN: I don't know.

My dad is coming

to the photoshoot.

It's awkward, it's weird,

and he hasn't seen me in the past...

almost two years.

And even though I transitioned

three years ago, I still, somewhat,

kind of behave around my dad like a guy.

I wanted to see him and to have him see me as I am normally,

not as I am

all decorated up like a Christmas tree.

Like, tell me your story.

Like, where did you grow up at?

I-I really have never...

I never heard about that. Uh...

Newport... Newport Beach, Costa Mesa.

Born and raised. Divorced parents.

When I turned 18,

both parents went homeless.

They were homeless?

Yeah.

Right before I got out of high school.

Lived in the back of my dad's truck with him for about a year.

Oh, my God. Um...

You know, I'm still his kid,

so no matter what,

he says he'll still always, you know, care about me and...

But, I mean, like... It's kind of an awkward... you know, it's just kind of

the elephant in the room that we just kind of...

Don't talk about. don't really mention.

I feel like if I was around him more,

the whole comfortability thing would just naturally come a bit,

but... I don't know.

You know, I love him, he loves me, it's just...

You don't have to go up to your dad and be like,

"Daddy, I love you!" No. I'm not saying that!

But you should be able to not talk in a lower voice.

I just do it because, you know, it's like...

I don't want to...

freak him out, sort of. But, but...

I'm fine with it. But isn't there a little shame in that?

You just said, "I don't want to freak him out."

Yeah, there is a bit. Why?

Hopefully we see him hug you today.

I mean, he will, it's just gonna be awkward for me. Not feel you up.

Well... 'Cause I've got tits now, so it's gonna be awkward.

You... you do have tits? (bleep) off.

(laughs) I'm sorry, I mean...

Homegrown.

Au naturel.

I love natural.

It's great.

ARISCE: Look at these shorts.

Oh, my God, yes.

Oh, my God, this is so Cassandra.

Oh, is it skanky?

I'm just looking for something for tonight

because it's Laith's farewell

drink thingy. That's really cute.

ARISCE: Me and Chanel are shopping

for Laith's little get-together tonight.

Uh, in honor of him being here,

and being part of Slay Model Management.

And, uh, I'm still kind of confused

about he feels about me, so I'm thinking

I can sauce this up with a better outfit.

Would you date a trans man? Um...

I don't know. That's a really good question. They're men.

I know

it's a man, but, like...

I know a lot of trans men, but most

of them are, like, five-two.

(laughs) (laughs) Ouch. So it's a height thing with you, as well?

It's a height thing. Like, I have my requirements,

and I'm sure men have their requirements for the women

they're attracted to.

ARISCE: I feel the same way about

trans men as I do any man or any person.

I think people are people,

and you should fall in love with hearts, not parts.

So, what's with Laith and you?

Oh, you saw our check-ins, didn't you?

I saw your check-ins, I saw your Snapchats.

We're just hanging out. Is it like hanging out...? Like, were you guys

on a date hanging out, or just hanging out as friends?

Um, I don't know. (laughs)

I don't know. I don't know if it was a date. I almost want

to ask Dominique if he talked to her about it.

Yeah, because... Oh, really? Are they close?

Yeah, they're really close. She's like his little mother.

So if she knows about it, it wasn't a date.

Mm-hmm. If she doesn't, then it was.

Ooh. Because that means it's a secret.

And secrets are...?

Secrets are personal, and that means it was personal.

ARISCE: Me and Laith

could be something serious if he wanted something serious.

I'm ready for anything,

because I'm at a point in my life where...

I don't know. You get to a certain age,

and you're like, "Are we doing this, or what?"

Are y in a celibate phase?

I am not. (laughter)

If it were to work out, would you, like...?

I don't know. Sexually-wise, would you guys be compatible?

I don't know. That'd be... (laughs)

That'd be something we'd just have to figure out and explore.

REN: Immediately, I just kind of feel

like this is a mistake.

I think... I think she thinks it was a date. Well,

Go, girl, work it out

Work it out Do your thing

Scream and shout...

How is, uh, L.A. treating you?

You've been here for a little bit now. Oh, my gosh, I love it.

Really? I love it. I love it.

I do, from time to time, miss my husband and

my son, Scooter, but... Yeah.

I really think this is gonna be a bi-coastal thing for me.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like my dream. It just feels...

It feels so... You know, it...

It's a lot, yeah.

It's a lot, and I just needed...

I need this, and the hiking and everything just helps me

to, you know, refocus. Yeah.

Have you...? You've been to the beach? Yes.

Actually, I went to, uh, the beach with Arisce.

Oh, really? (laughs)

Don't... Get down from up there.

Don't be looking down at me, saying that like that.

(laughter)

I mean, it's funny you said it

like that, too, 'cause I think...

I think she thought it was a date.

Well, was it? Uh, no. (laughs)

LAITH: It's not a date,

because we were out at the beach.

She was showing me around.

We were just having fun.

(laughing): Does she?

Did you guys hold hands?

We... Our hands kind of touched a little bit,

and then we held it 'cause it was awkward.

I don't know if it was holding hands. Hmm.

DOMINIQUE: Laith is being

elusive on the him and Arisce, uh, subject.

I know the both of 'em,

and there's something going on there.

I mean, Arisce is wild and crazy.

She kind of... She talks a lot.

Okay. I think

that she's nice, she's outgoing, she's friendly.

Yeah. And stuff like that.

But just don't, you know, mislead anyone.

Right.

CECE: What's wrong?

There's a difference between chilling and moping.

REN: Immediately, I just kind of

feel like this is a bit of a mistake. Um...

I would like to see my dad, but not in this current situation.

I just want,

in his eyes, to be normal.

I don't want to be

this... weird fashion model

or queer this, or... whatever.

I just want to... be his normal kid.

I want to talk to you, because

your energy's just a little off.

Well, you know I always try to conserve energy before a shoot.

I know, but are you worried that your dad's gonna come?

Pretty much.

When is the last time you saw your dad?

(siren wailing outside)

Maybe two years ago?

So you were already representing female, right?

Like, how you look now, or

how was it?

I was just... kind of covering up. Not l...

I mean, he knows, but, you know, just not really.

'Cause I've spoken to him.

He sounds like a really nice dad.

Here's my thing with Ren.

If she just faced her dad, she'd realize

that her fears are all in her head.

Don't worry. I'm sure he'll be cool.

It's just a weird subject that we never really talk about.

I feel like I'm not really ready.

Letting him into my full life,

the worst-case scenario would be,

he would feel... probably disappointed.

Mm... you know,

like he didn't really do a good job as a parent.

So this is where we're shooting at today.

That's Cato. That's the photographer.

This is Ron. Hi.

It's Ren's dad.

Hey.

Oh, no, come, come, come. Come meet everyone.

Hi. REN: They got me a little

dressed up for this.

RON: Yeah? Yeah.

Hardly even recognize you.

Well...

You could probably say the same.

Oh. Yeah.

CECE: Here, take a seat.

Sure. Yeah.

CECE: So you need to catch up and all of that.

What's going on? Not much.

How have you been? Good.

Good to hear. Still playing

the computer? Yeah.

Play the new game Blizzard's coming out with? Overwatch?

No, uh-uh. It's pretty good.

It's coming out in open beta this week.

Fun time is fun time still.

Yeah. Yeah.

REN: I feel stupid.

It's really embarrassing and awkward.

This isn't what I normally do in my free time,

or how I normally ever look in my free time.

This is what my career is.

CASSANDRA: Did you ever...?

I mean, not to get personal,

but did you ever notice anything different about Ren as a child?

Just, you know, like, pertaining to what, you know,

the trans issue, or...?

No. No? Just...

REN: No. I didn't really feel anything until after

I kind of moved out.

CASSANDRA: Right. So...

CECE: So how do you feel? I mean,

look at her now.

REN: I feel really uncomfortable.

I just don't want to do the shoot anymore.

I know.

It's a lot.

I just want you to get over the shame.

I've been there. I get it. I understand.

Yeah, we need a moment.

It makes me sad to see her

feeling that she has to represent herself

any other way than who she is.

Ideally, Ren should be okay with showing her dad

that she's at work in a dress.

I think it's very overwhelming for both of them.

How did you feel seeing her?

She's my kid.

So nothing's changed.

That's good. Yeah.

She's kind of crying.

And she's just very conscious about...

you seeing her after years and she's...

in a dress and her hair

and all of that. And...

I think she's afraid of how you'd feel. W...

It's all good.

I think she's really...

nervous about you being there while seeing her perform.

How do you feel about that?

It is what it is.

She does want to talk to you, but she wants to...

she wants to be in her regular clothes,

like, in her jeans

and all of that. Yeah, that's fine.

Or do you want to talk to her now?

Do you want to talk to her later? What do you want to do? I... It doesn't matter.

All right, give me a second.

It's me.

How are you feeling?

All right, come. He wants to talk to you, okay?

REN: I love my dad, and I...

and I know he loves me.

But, I mean, he took the initiative to...

come over here and open Pandora's box. And...

I want to show him that I can make it on my own.

I can be a strong, independent adult

and...

be something that makes him proud.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I guess I'm starting to realize

that it's not my dad that has the problem

with me being like this.

It's... me having the problem with him seeing me like this.

I definitely feel better after talking with my dad.

I don't think everything's fully resolved, but...

there's a big leap and bound for...

progress today.

Now I'm actually a little bit excited

to be able to show him what I actually do

and what my actual career is, hopefully, heading towards.

Yeah.

(chuckles)

All right, so you're gonna do it over-the-shoulder

versus your audience.

Toward this way. Yeah. Profile. Yeah.

Ooh...

CECE: Lift the face. Yeah, we can play something with

the cap or a bag... Yeah. Whatever you want.

Yeah. Yeah.

Down a little bit.

Hey

Yes. Profile. The night is young

And we're still having fun

So go ahead, raise it up

And let me feel your love

Go ahead and let it flow

This feeling in my soul

Who knew?

You did.

REN: Having my dad

there watching me,

it still feels kind of awkward, but...

it's kind of nice

being able to...

do my thing and...

see him kind of not be freaked out or anything

like that.

I'm still definitely feeling

the love from him.

Maybe next time

I can be a little bit more me.

Whoa

We're still young enough.

I heard that you took Laith to the beach.

I did.

How much fun did you guys have?

We had fun. I can be nosy, right?

DOMINIQUE: Arisce, how come you don't tan?

ARISCE: Because I'd have to leave the house.

Are you all right, Isis? Hello, hello.

Hi. Hi.

Oh. Already started. Oh, you just walked in with a drink.

(chuckles) Clink, clink, clink.

Don't judge me. ARISCE: I'm hoping

to get to know Laith a little better at the party.

Laith is super shy.

He's gonna stay in his little shell until I make him come out.

So I think I'm due for a round two.

I heard that you took Laith to the beach.

I did.

How was that? It was fun.

We had fun. How much fun did you guys have?

We had fun. I can be nosy, right?

We had fun. Okay, well, that...

We had a good time. Well, was it

like a date or what?

Do you think it was a date?

Well, I wasn't there. I don't know.

Then it was probably a date.

Arisce and Laith went on a date?

Laith got caught in Arisce's web. (laughs)

Okay, well, do you like him? What? What do you feel?

That is so personal. (laughs)

I know. But we're girls, you know?

I think I like everybody.

DOMINIQUE: Arisce taking Laith

out on a date? Yay.

I don't blame her. The dude's hot.

But, honey, she's got her work

cut out for her.

Oh, look who's here. You gonna do a high five?

He's still

trying to figure himself out.

Hello. What's up? How are you?

I'm good. How are you? (chuckles)

What's going on?

ISIS: You smell nice.

Thank you.

Hey, Laith.

(laughter)

ISIS: That wouldn't come from me.

That would come

from his girlfriend Arisce,

'cause she said you guys were on a date.

(chuckles) What?

I did not say "date."

ISIS: She said you guys

went on a beach date. What?

(Laith laughing) ARISCE: Bitch, shut up.

You're putting the "trans" in "transparent."

You're boring everyone with your jealousy.

It's not a good color on you.

He just walked in the door.

So?

So, how about just say "Hi"? "How... how was

your day, Laith?" ISIS: I already said "hi," and I'm telling him he smells nice.

It was good. I'm just really... I'm exhausted.

DOMINIQUE: I'm gonna go get us some more drinks

'cause I think we can use it, and... ARISCE: Thank you.

I'm gonna go with you. I'm gonna get water.

I'll stay up here. I had a drink earlier here.

I've been here for a while, girl.

Use my tab.

How do you feel about L.A. now?

I like it. It's really nice,

but I don't know if I would like to live here,

unless I'm, like... I have to be getting a lot of work.

Just work? You're doing that thing with your eyes.

What thing with my eyes, Laith? Yes.

That thing, so, but... (laughing)

LAITH: Arisce does

make me blush a little bit.

She's so straightforward.

ARISCE: I am all about action.

You have a dream, you have a goal, and you go for it.

I don't give a fu--, okay?

And that's just the truth.

Is it making you nervous?

Uh... it's a little uncomfortable.

Why?

LAITH: Arisce kind of

freaks me out sometimes.

Why are they taking so long with these drinks?

LAITH: But she intrigues me.

My tab's probably not working. (laughs)

I closed it. (laughs)

ARISCE: The future doesn't have

a lot in store for me and Laith if he doesn't make more moves.

DOMINIQUE: New York City. You smell that?

It stinks. New York is a city full of bitches, and

I need to be the only bitch, and I already made it here,

so I don't need to come back.

We can't all be Queen Bee, bitch.

So you're Queen Bee in L.A.?

ISIS: Says you, Miss I-write open-letters-to-Kendall Jenner.

Miss I haven't-done-anything since America's Next Top Model.

ISIS: Are you kidding me? (laughs)

I got a text from my ex.

She was, like, the first chick I ever dated

before I even transitioned or anything like that.

Are we gonna get to meet your ex? No.

Let's follow her.

WOMAN (on TV): The deadliest mass shooting

in the history of the United States, killing 49,

and wounding at least 53.

I'm in shock. DOMINIQUE: It makes me feel angry.

They win when we hide.

ISIS: Dominique, you can't let that

control your life. None of us are.

DOMINIQUE: If my husband

decides to meet me there,

then I'll go.

Her husband doesn't treat her right!

I'm not gonna let you fu-- my career.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

REN: For more information on Strut, go to Oxygen.com.

Did you see that? That was incredible.

Amazing. I love this.