Original subtitles

*

(whooping)

CECE: Slay Model Management is the world's first

transgender model agency.

DOMINIQUE: They want a girl

that's six two,

35-25-35.

They didn't ask if you have a penis or not.

You're ashamed of me.

I know.

This is like the difficult conversation I need to have with you.

It it my lips? They're too big?

It's the nose.

Why does America hate black people?

CASSANDRA: Get in the car.

Do you even want to be a model?

How many times...

(guests gasping)

ISIS: I'm not here for no (bleep) like this.

Why would I want to be around that?

This is (bleep) ridiculous.

REN: Don't trip.

ARISCE: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

ARISCE: Ren's walk

always disappoints me.

(laughs)

I need you more than ever, Dominique.

I'm leaving New York.

I am not going to be ten years down the road doing dishes.

I don't date.

I met this girl.

Did Gisele tell you I'm transgender?

No.

*

* Give it up to my women

* Packing in 40-something hours every damn weekend *

* Give it up to my girls all around the world. *

So, like...

explain to me...

...what happened?

(sighs heavily)

After the drink hit my face, I turned around,

I felt like... as crazy

as it sounds, I felt like Carrie in...

in, you know, like, the blood.

I just... I-I lost it.

It was just, like, I kind of blacked out.

Cece asked me to host the model mixer for Slay.

At the party, I got in an argument with Claudia,

which is completely not how it was supposed to go.

You can't even show up to a booking.

How many times...

(guests gasping)

I'm really disappointed in myself.

People already don't take us serious

because we're an all transgender modeling agency.

There's not a lot of room for mistakes like this.

What would most people have done

if a drink was thrown in their face?

You leave. When somebody is crazy

and attacking you... you leave.

That is what normal people would do.

You're right.

There's Isis. I'll be right with you.

CECE: It's very important

for an agency to survive the first year,

because this is where you're building your reputation.

And...

all-transgender model agency,

you have to work doubly hard.

There's a lot I got it. Okay, thank you.

of damage control now. Hi.

ISIS: Hello.

How are you?

I'm okay. How are you?

I'm good. I'm not really okay, but...

So, that was a (bleep) show.

Yeah. I was really just shocked

and disappointed and embarrassed.

It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't move across the country

with my savings to, like,

take my career to the next level.

And that's all I have.

I don't like to surround myself

in that type of company, you know?

Right. No, trust me,

I apologize for that.

ISIS: I'm new to the agency.

Seeing the fight between

Cassandra and the model at-at Slay,

it pisses me off, because I don't want to be

around the environment where I'm not gonna know what the hell

the next person is gonna do, and you could technically

be affecting our work.

I don't have a choice to... fail,

and the fact that I'm kind of leaning on you

Right. to help that happen, you know,

it's a gamble.

I'm really sorry.

The only way is up from here.

You know what I mean?

There's this go-see for you.

Okay. Once you get

your first L.A. paycheck,

all that crazy from last night,

that'll disappear.

Yeah.

Are we okay? Are you feeling better?

I feel better.

But, you know, for me it's like, okay, we said it, let's see.

After the meeting with Cece,

I feel like he definitely is a little bit more aware

of my feelings and what I want

out of the agency.

But actions definitely speak louder than words.

And I want to see

what happens with Slay.

*

Thank you!

Yay!

Fantastic.

Well, cheers.

Cheers. Cheers

to actually drinking this wine instead of throwing it.

Oh, good one. Yes! Anyway...

Cece, like,

a couple weeks ago said I had to lose weight.

Me, too. I'm just kidding. I know he's bugging you...

He didn't tell me that. Shut up.

I know he's been... I know he's been bugging you about your nose.

The last time I talked to Cece, he talked to me

about going to see Dr. Pincus about getting a nose job.

And although I was reluctant, I'm going to go ahead

and bite the bullet, because Ren got yet another job over me.

Maybe it would enhance my career.

Maybe it would get me the jobs that I wanted. You know,

maybe this is the time to do that.

I made the appointment. What?

It's a consultation. So you came around.

Yes. But it's a business transaction.

It's not because I'm like, "I hate my face."

Because I don't.

So we'll see.

*

(phone rings)

(line ringing)

Hi, Cece. Hi, Dominique.

What's going on? Well, you remember

I threw this model mixer

last night?

It turned into

a (bleep) show, really.

And it was really, really embarrassing.

Dominique is one of my models who I really, really trust.

She comes with such a wealth of knowledge.

She's been in the industry, and she has a killer walk.

That's why I really want her to join me.

I didn't call just to vent.

Uh-huh.

Excuse me?

You know that the L.A. market,

there's a lot of commercial work

that will really widen your growth as a model, and...

You can mentor the younger models.

Hell, yeah.

Do you know you just asked me to, like...

move to L.A.?

Like... wow.

Being transgender has made it

so hard to...

get the mainstream success, and...

this is a major opportunity for me.

How much time do I have to talk to my man?

My husband is not good

(laughs) with things being shaken up.

I do everything for this guy.

In the past 18 years, the longest that we have been apart

is ten days.

He's not gonna be too happy.

*

GISELE: So, what's up with you?

Let's talk about dating.

Are you with someone now?

I have... someone, yes.

Yeah? How long have you guys been together?

For a while.

What's up with your dating?

Like, what are you doing?

Who are you seeing? Like, what's up?

I met Gisele Nobody.

through some friends of mine.

Gisele can definitely relate to my hesitations about dating,

um, as she is trans herself.

I don't date.

Why? 'Cause I don't want to.

It's a waste of time.

You think so? Why?

I don't like to deal with people.

Everyone has baggage. I have my own baggage.

Before I transitioned,

I was dating women.

I haven't dated anyone

since I started my transition

two years ago, because I'm not comfortable.

I'm still getting used

to being in my own body.

I'm not necessarily

as confident as maybe someone else would be,

had they been

born male.

GISELE: But you know what? I met this girl.

I think that you guys...

might hit it off. She's really nice, though.

Like, why don't you just try, try to date.

See, like...

see your options. Like, you haven't

tried it for a while, right? You said two years ago.

Like, was the... was your last relationship.

Like, two and a half or so, yeah.

I think that's a long time, Laith.

I think it's time for you to see. (laughs)

I don't know if I'm ready yet. It's just...

What did you tell this girl?

I told her that I know this guy

that I think she would be attracted to, he's very cute,

handsome... (laughs)

Uh-huh?

And she said...? And you're gonna go on a date with her.

Did you set this up already? Yes, I did.

I'm gonna kill you.

No, you're not. (laughs): Yeah.

I think I'm pretty lucky to have

all these strong women around me

to help push me out of my comfort zone.

And the cover shoot for Attitude magazine

made me feel a lot more confident.

Maybe Gisele is right about dating,

and it might be that time for me

to give it a try again, especially if she's as cute

as Gisele says she is.

At the end of the day, the worst

that can happen is that you don't talk to her again.

So you're gonna go, right?

All right. Okay.

(laughs)

* You and me up and away...

Cece called me and asked me

if I would like to move to L.A.

to work as a part of Slay Model Management

and still model at the same time.

But I'm extremely nervous

about telling my husband.

How was work?

Better.

I have had a long day.

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

I walked Scooty.

I did all my housewife duties.

How long have we been together?

Hmm...

It's been 18 years.

18 long years... Mm-hmm.

of me always being there for you,

taking care of you...

It's just that...

I'm leaving New York.

REN: Don't trip.

ARISCE: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Did Gisele tell you I'm transgender?

DOMINIQUE: I'm leaving New York.

For a while.

Cece...

has offered me...

a job in L.A.

Moving to L.A.

is not really up for discussion.

I see a great future,

and hopefully Al is coming with, or else

I'm just gonna have to drag him along.

Maybe I should've ordered a drink.

(sighs)

I don't know.

(sighs)

I was hoping that you would be kind of happy for me.

To do what?

To just be your little wife?

This is a great opportunity

for us.

And I am not going to be that person

ten years down the road and know that this

could have turned out to be something incredible

and here I am still sitting at home doing dishes.

I make sure that you're always okay.

But...

I have an opportunity,

and I'm going to take it.

* I was livin' in a melody...

Thank you.

Do I want to get a nose job?

Hell, nah.

But do I want to lose another job to some

Cindy Lou Who bitch

who can't do her job as good as I can?

No.

Hi. ARISCE: Hi.

Nice to meet you. Hello.

I'm Arisce. Good to see you, Arisce.

Yes. I'm thinking of this

as a business decision.

Is it going to get me to where I want to be?

At, like, a Gisele-Naomi level?

Like, that's the goal.

I guess we're here to discuss possible nasal surgery.

Yes.

My agent has concerns

it's affecting my work, I guess.

He's telling me,

like, I should probably get my nose done.

I'm just trying to see if it's something I should do.

What would you change about it?

Like, I guess refine the tip. I'd like it to, like...

Right. sort of still be ethnic-looking.

When I look in the mirror, I see a lot of history.

My nose is the same exact nose as my mom,

my sisters, as my aunts-- we all have the same nose.

My mom is just the baddest bitch ever, and my aunts

are strong black women, too-- it's just

a strong black woman powerhouse.

If I get a nose job, I'm literally cutting myself

off from a lineage of strong black women.

What I'll do is I'll take some photos of you,

and then we can go ahead and...

and morph it for you. Okay.

Okay, let me grab my camera.

I'm excited

to see the before and after pictures,

because if he shows me a face

that I can't refuse, here we go.

It's on to a new step in my career,

it's on to a new chapter in my whole life.

Because I'm not gonna see

the same person in the mirror anymore.

*

CECE: So, everyone, I want you to meet

Donald Simrock and Gitte Meldgaard.

They're with VVV Magazine,

and they're casting for a fashion editorial

with Richie Rich.

I got a call from Richie Rich

and he needed four models,

and he specifically wanted trans models.

Aligning ourselves with a designer like Richie Rich

is a good thing for the agency.

Because Richie Rich is all over the damn place--

he does work here and in New York--

he just decided to have the go-see here

with his photographer and the art director

of the magazine.

So, we'll just do one at a time.

Freshman. (laughs) Hi.

I know. I'm so jealous.

I need this right now.

I need to know that this first gig

is gonna be there to, like, get that paycheck

and start me here

as a established L.A. model.

Perfect. Who's next?

Ren, right? Ren, yes.

Yes. Hi.

I usually kind of don't like go-see's at the agency

because it kind of puts a little bit

of a competitive atmosphere around.

You're walking in front of everybody else.

Everybody else can see you.

Can you do me a favor and just walk for us?

No problem.

(snickering)

ARISCE: Ren's walk always

disappoints me.

She walks like Bambi

when he first got up.

She wouldn't even understand that reference--

she's so young.

Bambi is a baby deer, Ren.

And that's what you look like in heels, girl.

Thank you. Mm-hmm.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.

Okay, here I go.

REN: Don't trip.

ARISCE: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Or do.

Hello. Hi. Hi.

This is my book. How are you?

Thank you.

ISIS: I think Arisce's walk is

a little overconfident and...

sloppy.

Thank you. Thanks.

ARISCE: Who's next?

Hi. How are you? Good. My name is Isis.

Isis. Nice to meet you. Thank you for bringing your book.

Beautiful bone structure. Mm-hmm.

Although I'm starting over, I don't want people

to get anything confused.

I'm a professional.

I know more about this industry

than I'm sure, like, 95% of the new models at Slay.

ARISCE: I don't see Isis as competition at all,

because we're completely different.

She's America's Next Top Model girl,

resting on laurels.

I'm selling personality,

and she's selling the past.

God!

I hate her (bleep) walk!

*

DOMINIQUE: Oh, baby boy...

(sighs)

Saying good-bye to my husband

and my son is not an easy thing.

*

Al is not very supportive of me leaving him,

but this is an amazing opportunity for me

and I have to take it.

Listen, Scooty.

You have to take care of Daddy, okay?

(whines)

I feel like I'm being selfish;

I feel like I'm deserting them.

Don't forget to brush his teeth.

(sniffles)

Okay?

(sniffles)

(sighs)

(sniffles)

So... I'm really gonna miss you guys and, um...

(sniffles)

...just take care of him, okay?

All right.

Love you.

I love you.

(sniffles)

Could you please not cry?

(whining)

And just remember:

this is for us.

Okay?

For all of us.

You want a backyard, right?

(whines)

That's why I'm doing this.

Okay?

(Scooter whines)

(whining)

When is the last time you had sex?

Mine was about, like, 20 minutes...

on this couch. That's why...

(laughing)

Of course I did!

Thank you.

*

Is that Dominique?

Let me get your bags.

Dominique!

DOMINIQUE: I'm staying with Cassandra while I'm in L.A.

and I'm really looking forward to that

'cause I need to relate to someone

that understands me.

Oh, my goodness. (laughs)

I missed y'all. This is incredible.

Breathe. You look fabulous.

You look fabulous. Hello, beautiful.

DOMINIQUE: How are you?

Oh, my gosh.

(phone ringing)

Hey.

DOMINIQUE: Cece calls

and asks me if I would like

to meet the models at Slay

tomorrow and teach the younger models

how to walk.

Oh, wow.

Okay. Bye-bye.

Oh, I'm back in L.A.

*

CECE: All right, ladies.

So, welcome.

You know, some of you have worked with Dominique already

and I'm so excited

to have her here.

She's our official runway coach now.

So I'm gonna let you at it.

I love you, Cece.

Love you. Welcome.

DOMINIQUE: Thank you.

So, walking is about personality.

When you walk into a room,

you must attract attention.

If you all will stand, please?

Joining management and modeling

is like an ultimate dream,

because now I get

to shape other people.

Eyes up. Head up.

Shoulders back.

Confident.

You own everything.

* Don't see no

* Competition...

Next two!

*

DOMINIQUE: There is added pressure

for a trans model to perform,

because anything we do

will and can be ridiculed.

Take a deep breath in.

(inhales)

And keep your head up.

Left, right,

left, right...

A trans model has to make sure that they are

beyond perfect.

They must be on point,

because you're constantly being judged.

I want you guys to also see

another example.

*

ARISCE: I actually love being at Slay Models

because of

things like Dominique teaching there

and then the younger girls being able

to be mentored by the older girls.

DOMINIQUE: Now, I want you

to watch the sass

and I want you to watch her feet.

*

Thank you.

You ladies did really, really,

really great job today.

(applause) I'm really proud of you.

You should be proud of yourselves.

If I see other people succeed,

that kind of brings me a lot of joy.

(laughing): So...

I'm-I'm really loving this experience.

So practice, practice, practice.

If you want something, work for it.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Thank you.

* One, having too much fun *

* And we won't stop until the sun come two *

* What I want to do is three, two, one, hey. *

DOMINIQUE: Hey, Cass?

Yeah?

What time is Isis getting here?

She should be here. Any minute.

So I'm finally gonna have a girls' night with Dominique.

I'm actually super excited.

Sit, sit, sit. Sit. Okay.

CASSANDRA: I still feel

incredibly disappointed

and bad about what happened at the party.

Cece, that's not right!

That is insane.

ISIS: This is (bleep) ridiculous.

ISIS: Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. Hey! (laughs)

What's up?

ISIS: How are you? You look cute.

I'm good, thank you. You, too.

Hey, look at you, looking all... Hey, how are you doing?

You look fabulous. classy.

I really, really want to make it up to Isis

and show another side to me.

Show her that I'm not some crazy chick throwing drinks

or taking 'em in the face.

Ooh, those shoes are off the hook.

Make sure you put your glass down. Girl...

I don't want you to throw anything.

I didn't throw anything.

I was over the whole

agency after that happened.

DOMINIQUE: If this is occurring

at the agency, how are we gonna get booked?

I do feel ashamed, and if there's any way

I can rectify the situation, I apologize, Isis,

because it was pretty traumatic for you.

And I'm sorry.

When Cassandra apologizes, I do

have a little bit more warmth in my heart.

It's confirmation that things are gonna be better.

I just got a place here, I just got a car here.

Next is a man.

I might come off, like, bland or boring,

but I haven't had sex in, like, almost two years.

Wh... two years?

I don't get it.

These models sell clothes

and sex, and nobody has sex?

Come on! Hit it home!

In my last relationship,

I end up moving in with him.

It was my abusive relationship.

Like, I don't know.

I just kind of know the direction I want.

I know you can't, like, plan everything out,

but I know the direction I want to go

and what I want out of a relationship

and what I want in the future, and

I might come off like bland or boring,

but I really want to, like... There is nothing wrong

I'm kind of traditional. with not wanting to throw your stuff around all the time.

Right. But...

But there was a time in my life that

I was very like you.

My first love-- he literally,

like, broke my heart.

And then after that, the bad girl came out.

I was, like, "Oh, no.

I'm gonna be the aggressor."

A lot of men find us more like fetishes.

Yeah. Yes. You know?

And... Or something to try once.

Yeah. Yeah.

It's not that I don't enjoy sex.

It's just that I am not comfortable

because I am not post-operative.

CASSANDRA: Post-op

is when someone has completed their surgery.

Basically, if you started off with an outie,

now you have an innie, or vice-versa.

For me, I do not like myself as I am.

Oh, yeah. I cannot be comfortable with myself.

I cannot be comfortable totally with my husband.

So, since you don't feel comfortable,

you want to have surgery then?

Yeah, I do. Oh, wow.

As soon as I can, I will.

Some of the most horrible times

for me is taking a shower

because you have to see yourself in its entirety.

It's not about what my husband wants.

It's about me being able to be totally free

and comfortable with him.

And until that occurs,

I will always feel like I'm lacking in certain areas.

So, for me, being complete

means being post-operative.

And for another girl,

being complete could just mean taking her hormones.

Let me tell you-- masturbation.

I was really... I've always liked to do it,

but before having my operation,

after every time, I would feel so guilty, I would cry.

CASSANDRA: Yeah. Right. Because I just had that disconnect with my part.

But after the surgery,

I-I can do it all the time,

and then, I don't feel bad about it.

See? That's the point I want to get to.

CASSANDRA: I definitely feel

a lot closer to Isis and Dominique

over relationship issues.

I think it's a universal thing

that brings people together-- love, or the search for it.

When is the last time you had sex?

Oh, my gosh, like, the last time I was back with my husband.

Mine was about, like, 20 minutes before you got here

on this couch. That's why...

(laughing)

*

* Put it down on me, baby

* Bring it up fast, drop it down real slow... *

ISIS: How do you guys think you did at the Richie Rich go-see?

The same as usual.

I nailed it. (laughs)

I think I did all right.

Yeah?

That was my first casting, like,

straight on casting with Slay,

so I think it went good.

We had a casting for a Richie Rich editorial.

Perfect. Thank you, Isis. Awesome. Thank you.

Have a great one.

I'm not trying to put down any of the other models,

but I know I nailed that go-see.

I just, um, moved

into my apartment. Nice.

Oh, congrats. And, so,

booking something right away is really important for me.

L.A. is a whole new beast

and I don't know-- I don't know how

it's gonna be for me out here...

(phone buzzing) Oh, give me a second.

ARISCE: She is not taking a phone call.

(bleep) rude.

(chuckles) Rude!

Must be important.

Who was that?

Cecilio. Your girlfriend? Oh.

What did he want?

Got it.

The job? Richie Rich.

Boom, boom. Yay!

Good for you. High-five.

Work it out, bitch.

(phone chirps)

Hello, Cecilio.

I'm amazing.

Okay. I...

Oh!

Thank you.

(laughs) Cece, I'm here, too.

This is Isis.

Any good news for me?

We are on speaker.

CECE: Oh... Isis...

Wow. Okay.

CECE: Bye, ladies.

That sucks.

Hearing that I didn't book this editorial

pisses me off. I need this right now.

Is it just a trans agency?

Yeah. It's just trans.

What would you feel about going to another agency?

Hey, Ma. I'm gonna go out tonight.

I'm really nervous about this blind date.

I don't know if she knows that I'm trans.

*

CECE: So we're here at the shoot for Richie Rich

for VVV Magazine.

It's really important.

We don't get a shoot like this every day.

It's just the reality of things.

So they have to deliver.

That's why Dom and I are here.

Arisce, true to form,

is the consummate professional.

And Ren being Ren, I have to make sure

that she behaves.

REN: Every time I blink,

a small child

falls over in Russia.

What's wrong?

These (bleep) lashes.

(laughs)

(breathes rapidly)

This is a great look for you, though.

It is extremely important for Ren

to learn the disciplines

of this business.

It seems at times like she just doesn't care.

What are you doing?

You told me to wait for hair.

I'm waiting for hair.

Ren, you can't just, like,

lay around and then sleep,

and put your feet up. Put it down.

Can you just be a lady for one second?

(snores) And this is why I need you here.

DOMINIQUE: There are about a hundred other girls

that are waiting for that job.

There are so many other girls.

If she doesn't pull it together,

someone else is going to be there to take over.

All right, Ren, love-love,

we're ready for you. Let's do this.

That's better, right? Yeah.

I like that one. Yeah.

Totally. That's gorg.

All right, ladies and gentlemen,

(camera shutter clicks)

DOMINIQUE: I'm looking at this girl

and she is phenomenal.

Every angle, every-every look.

The-the shoulder,

her bone structure.

She just needs to realize it.

REN: I never really thought about being a model.

I never even thought I would have a chance to be one.

Back when I was 18,

both my parents lost everything,

so I kind of lived with my dad

in the back of his truck for about a year,

not really seeing anything for the future.

Feel free to give me any direction, whatsoever--

angrier, stronger, softer, etc.

But now, with all of this,

hopefully I'll be able to

do something out of all this,

make something of myself.

(purring) This is amazing. These look so good.

So, we're gonna put this on the set,

and you're gonna pose around them...

Ah!

I walked for Richie Rich

as a male model

many, many eons ago.

So as surreal as it is,

it's really fun.

I know I'm beautiful.

Richie Rich knows I'm beautiful.

VVV Magazine definitely knows I'm beautiful now.

I don't think that everyone's supposed to have the same nose.

Go figure. (laughs)

One, two, three. Yep.

*

I think it's trash that people have to change their faces

to conform to society's standard of beauty,

when they already said it was pretty.

*

Hello?

Isis? Hey. Hello.

I got food.

Hi!

Ah!

Oh, it looks so cute in here.

Lisa and Naima both won Top Model.

They're my two closest friends in L.A.

They understand the struggle that goes behind

a model just trying to

succeed and live a life

in L.A.

I've never had to be a "trans model."

I've always been booked on being

a personality. Yeah, right.

Is it just a trans agency? Yeah.

It's just trans.

What would you feel about going to another agency, though?

Um, well, I really have to give him a second

to really see what he can do, you know?

Right. But I'm not opposed.

I haven't really seen other girls at the agency, yet.

But a lot of them can't walk.

They should... they need to know how to walk

if they're gonna be repped.

This girl Ren,

she's this beautiful, like,

tall, skinny Asian.

And the other girl, her name is Arisce,

and, like, she can't walk.

Well, she thinks she can walk.

(laughing)

And she do this, like...

(laughing)

I'm gonna pee my pants.

(laughing) And then, she did this thing

with her eyes, where she's just, like,

(laughing)

Ooh. It's scary.

Although I feel like I'm taking a next step

in my career, I'm definitely

starting all over from scratch in L.A.

And it's just really hard, because

I don't know when my next job is gonna be.

I had a casting and...

Oh, how did it go?

I didn't get it.

(sighs) So,

that was, like, really disappointing.

It's just stressful.

Don't let that hinder your spirit.

You've been here for a week,

everything's gonna be fine.

It's just scary. And...

I think that's just me overthinking

and putting, like, all this pressure on myself.

But I don't really have a option, you know?

I'm just worried about

not being able to afford my apartment.

You're scared and that's totally normal,

and that's fine, but, like, let that fuel you.

Seriously.

(softly): Yeah.

I can't fail. I don't...

There's no plan B.

So...

*

Hey, Ma.

Yeah, I just wanted to let you know

that I printed out the, uh,

notes for the youth ministry, and I left them on your dresser.

Uh, actually, I-I'm going to go out tonight.

I'm going to meet up with some friends.

Yeah.

This is my first real date since my transition.

I don't know. I-I tell my mom a lot,

but I don't tell her everything.

I prefer to go through the experience

before I talk about it.

I could make my own food if I'm hungry, you don't--

you don't need to worry about cooking so much food.

All right, no problem.

I'll talk to you later. Bye.

I don't talk about relationships with my mom

when they're developing.

It's usually after they're already a thing.

Then I'll introduce... them to her.

*

* This is my dream

* I'm-a get it, I'm-a get it

* I'm-a get it today...

Everyone is telling me I need to meet new people

I need to do new things,

so I'm going on this blind date.

Yeah, I'm feeling a little nervous.

I don't know if she knows that I'm trans.

I don't know what that would be like

to have to disclose to someone who doesn't know.

I'll figure it out when I get there.

(laughs)

* Well, let's get it.

It's really exciting out here.

I am worried about my husband.

You don't sound too happy.

Can ask you a personal question?

*

DOMINIQUE: Carmen. Oh.

See. Oh, God.

She's so cute.

How was your day?

I'm just really in a really, like,

happy place,

but yet I'm kind of conflicted

and you know why. Yeah.

'Cause of... Your relationship.

...my husband and my little baby... (kisses)

...that's back home.

We'll bring it out of you. Let me, let me go

call him and see what's going on. Okay.

Call him. Okay.

Get your sexy voice on.

(laughs)

I feel everything going on right now is...

is so positive.

It's like I'm on an uphill...

not even climb,

it's like I'm on a escalator just going up.

But I am worried

about my husband.

I don't know, honestly,

if my relationship

will be able to take the distance

of me living in two cities

and not always being at home with him.

Hi.

I'm all right.

I'm sorry I couldn't get

to call you back earlier.

It's really exciting out here.

You don't sound too happy.

I know, you want me to be back home, right?

Well, can you hang in for a few weeks?

You're-you're gonna be okay.

Al, what am I gonna do with you?

DOMINIQUE: It really saddens me

that my husband is not excited

about my success.

See you later.

Bye. Bye-bye.

I feel like I'm being selfish;

I feel like

I deserted him.

If you love him

and he loves you, you can make it work.

If you... but it's...

You know, for me, it's kind of tough.

I've been in that housewife position for so long...

Yeah. ...that I'm worried

about if he's eating, going... Dominique.

You're not his mother.

Okay? He's a full-grown man.

Let's just be honest, okay?

If you don't do it now, when are you gonna do it?

I mean, let's be real.

I really hope I don't have to choose

between my husband and my career.

You know? I do love him.

It's just...

(exhales) I'm so torn.

*

LAITH: I'm about to meet my-my blind date

and I'm very nervous.

This is my first date

since my transition.

Hi, my name is Laith.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

I'll give you a hug. (both laugh)

I've never been on a blind date before.

By no means am I ashamed of being transgender,

of who I am.

How you doing? I'm good.

This person

doesn't know who I am, I don't know who they are,

but when is the right time to disclose?

I'm concerned that

she might go running out the door

when I tell her that I'm trans.

How did you let Gisele convince you to do this?

Well...

Okay, so I met Gisele at an event...

(laughs) ...and I, like... we were drinking

and she was just like, "You have to meet..."

"Meet this guy." Yeah.

(laughs)

This is actually my first blind date.

I've never been on one. Me, too, actually.

Yeah? Really? Yeah.

Helen has a very cute face

and I like her brown skin and her curly hair.

Tell me about you. What do you do?

Uh, I'm an actor.

Cool. Yeah.

Did you go to school for it?

Yeah, I went to NYU,

Nice. studied at Tisch.

I went to Fairfield U. I studied psychology

and I was in social work field. Nice.

What do you do now? Are you still working in that?

(laughing): I'm... I'm modeling full-time.

Every time I say that,

I feel like it's not... Obviously.

...like it's not a real job,

but that's what I'm doing.

How long have you been modeling?

Uh, I did my first shoot,

in, like, November of 2013.

And then I didn't really get much work after that until...

Well, did Gisele tell you

I'm transgender?

No.

No?

Well, I am. (laughs)

Really? Yeah. (laughing)

Oh, my gosh! (laughing)

Hope that's cool. That's amazing!

It's all right, I guess.

But, uh...

That's so remarkable. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know what to say.

You... Yeah.

I'm just like...

I'm sorry, I'm a little taken aback, Yeah.

but, like, that's so amazing.

Yeah. It's very refreshing to hear,

uh, Helen's reaction to my being trans.

I'm always expecting the worst reaction.

When they think "transgender," they think of a...

a burly dude in a dress.

And it was better than what I expected.

Thank you.

I mean, this is... it's not as bad

as I thought it was gonna be. Like...

You're so charming. (laughs) Am I?

I'm just... Yes! Oh, my gosh.

I'm charming. I like that.

(laughing)

You're pretty open and receptive,

but a lot of people aren't like that.

Really? Mm-mm.

Your whole family knows now?

Like, even like, your cousins,

your grand... grandparents? Yeah, everybody.

Oh, my grandparents know.

Oh, my God. How did they react?

My grandmother...

she needed to see it,

like, happening-- like, me at-at this stage.

Like, for a long... for... in the beginning,

it wasn't real to her.

And then, as changes started to happen,

I remember she came over to my house

and she looked at me and she was like,

"You look like a man."

I was like, "I am a man, Grandma."

(chuckling) She's like...

"Can you take off your shirt?"

Like, she asked me to take my shirt off

and she wanted to see...

She's like, "Where are your breasts?"

And I was like, "Grandma..."

(laughs)

Did your voice change first?

Or did you, like, get... It was...

Did you get more hair first? Like, how...

It's like, it's... it's puberty.

It's whatever a boy goes through, through puberty,

I went through.

So I went through a second puberty.

I think by nine months of testosterone,

it was, like, where it is now.

But in the beginning, it was cracking.

It was like, I'd wake up one day,

and it was really high,

then wake up the next day and sound like Barry White.

(laughs)

Oh...

I'm like, "What the hell is going on?"

My mom was like, "One day,

"you sound like a Chihuahua,

the next day you sound like a pit bull."

(laughing) And I'm like,

"Thanks, Mom."

But yeah...

I just can't really, like,

wrap my mind around, like,

feeling like I'm not in my right body.

Yeah.

Can I ask you a personal question?

You can ask me anything.

Is that offensive? Yeah.

How many partners have you had?

It's, like, similar to me saying that.

ARISCE: I'm going to let you tell me what you think

*

That's one that you don't ask.

Is that offensive?

I'm sorry.

(laughs) I am so sorry.

I did... I don't know. No.

I said it was personal. I know.

I'm sorry. No, it's okay.

Okay. I mean, it's...

it's something that people are mostly...

that everyone is curious about,

especially for... for someone that's trans.

When you think "trans,"

people's minds go to that,

but it's like me asking you, "So...

"is your vagina really tight or really loose?

How many partners have you had?"

It's, like, similar to me saying that.

I'm sorry.

Don't apologize. Okay, I feel so terrible.

No, no, no, it's really... That's another thing.

Don't over-apologize. It's okay. Okay.

It's inappropriate to ask anyone about their genitals.

It's very personal and you don't just ask anyone that.

I think in the beginning of my transition,

I would get really offended immediately

if someone asked something inappropriate.

But then,

as time went on,

I had to realize that people just don't know.

That's not always an excuse,

but it's just the reality of the world.

Don't worry about it.

Okay. (laughing)

I mean, it lets me know you're...

that you want to know, so that means something.

(laughing)

Blind date's definitely not my thing,

but I think I needed it to get out of my comfort zone

and open myself up again.

*

CECE: How are you?

I'm excellent. Mwah. Mwah.

I have results for you.

I went and saw Dr. Pincus.

I'm bringing Cece these photos

to get a real feel of the before and after.

I'm gonna let you tell me what you think

before I tell you what I think.

CECE: Huh.

This doesn't even

look like you anymore. No, it's...

It changes you completely.

I don't want to look like that.

I don't ever want to live

in Whoville.

It's just a solid "hell no."

I don't want to sell out that hard.

So I'll pass,

but I went.

Part of being beautiful and part of being a good model

is being proud of who you are,

what you look like and what you're... selling.

And so me getting my nose done

actually goes against everything I stand for,

because I'm, like, the real one.

I'm the one who keeps it real all the time.

Let me walk you out.

CECE: Because of her refusal,

I worry that this may affect

her getting commercial jobs.

That we both want for her.

*

I'm just on Tinder,

left-swiping the hell out of everyone.

Dating is hard for anyone,

but for trans women,

it is particularly difficult.

Cece! This place is nice. How are you?

ISIS: If I said I wasn't attracted

to Laith, that would be stupid.

ARISCE: If anyone's going to have Laith, it's me.

Sorry, but I'm kind of

the seductress of the group.

Oh, my God.

What's going on?

LAITH: I think... I think she... thinks

it was a date.

Well, was it a date? No.

Everybody thinks that you're supposed to have

this big connection with your family,

but it's just like... (clicks tongue)

Yeah. I kind of cut that a while ago.

I guess you can come over

to one of the photoshoot things that I'm doing.

Was that your dad?

Yep.

He's coming to the shoot?

CASSANDRA: Ren is in denial

about a lot of things.

CASSANDRA: I just want you to get over the shame.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

REN: For more information on Strut, go to Oxygen.com.

Did you see that? That was incredible.

Amazing. I love this.