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# You must remember this
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#A kiss is still a kiss
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#A sigh is just a sigh
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# The fundamental things apply
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#As time goes by #
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Absolute nonsense No, I'm sorry
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Are you sure I can't tempt you?
8
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No, no Definitely not Goodbye
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Who was that you were charming?
10
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Alistair He wants me to write another book
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- Oh! What a good idea
- It's a terrible idea
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Autobiography, he said
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I've already done my autobiography,
My Life in Kenya.
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Yes, which was very
15
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- You're struggling, aren't you?
- No, I'm not I'm just searching for the right word
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Absorbing Yes, that's the word
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Perhaps to the three people who read it
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Did you want me?
19
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No, I just came to ask you
to ask me out to lunch today
20
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Oh
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- Would you like to come out to lunch today?
- Yes, please
22
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Now about this book
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Now, don't look like that
24
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Think of it as an autobiography part two
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There was life after Kenya There was us
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Meeting again after all those years
27
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Now, that was a very romantic opening
28
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- Sounds made up
- Well, it wasn't
29
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And it was romantic
30
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Sticky, I'd have said
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Very sticky
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You won't be long, will you?
I've got a taxi waiting, you see
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I shan't be a moment Honestly
Mum, Sandy, Lionel
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- Oh, hello
- Hello
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- Hi
- Do sit down Two minutes
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All right
37
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Can I get you a drink?
38
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- No, thanks I've got a taxi waiting
- All right
39
00:02:15,767 --> 00:02:18,235
- Should we get on?
- Yes, of course
40
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- Ready?
- Oh, yes
41
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Right
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- Bye-bye
- Goodbye
43
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Well, how was the evening?
44
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How was Coco?
45
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He said he knew you
46
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- Did he say anything else?
- No
47
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That's the trouble He wouldn't even come in
He said if you remembered him, you'd know why
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Do you remember him?
49
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You do! That's why you got dressed up
50
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I've not got dressed up
51
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Oh, so you don't remember him, then
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Oh
53
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It's you
54
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It's him
55
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When was this taken?
56
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Well, as you can see, we're standing
in front of a cave, dressed in skins
57
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You're smiling at each other
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Yes, we'd just discovered how to make fire
59
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All right It was a long time ago What happened?
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00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:23,761
Well, I think we had the photograph taken,
we went and had tea
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Come on You know what I mean
Was it a romance?
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Judy, I was 19
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Kissing in the back row of the pictures
was a romance then
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I'm his daughter
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Maths never was your strong point
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No
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So, why wouldn't he come in and say hello?
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Well, I expect he didn't fancy a wrinklies reunion
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He said to ask you
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Well, you've asked me and I don't know
and it's not important
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- Cheers
- Cheers
72
00:03:58,767 --> 00:04:00,883
Oh Things change
73
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Yes Your hair is different
74
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Yes
75
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I've got a bit of grey myself
76
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- Well, at least I haven't a bald spot
- Well, good for you
77
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- I have got a troublesome back
- Yeah, I get cramp
78
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Oh, my God! It is a wrinklies reunion
79
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What are we doing here?
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Well, I'm not here to compare wrinkles
81
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I just want to set the record straight, that's all
82
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Yes, so do I
83
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So, why didn't you write?
84
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Oh, no Let's not play games
Why didn't you write?
85
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Where to?
86
00:04:35,527 --> 00:04:37,995
Second Lieutenant Hardcastle,
somewhere in Korea?
87
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- I sent you the full address as soon as I had one
- Well, I didn't get a letter
88
00:04:41,887 --> 00:04:43,161
Well, I sent it
89
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Oh, no
90
00:04:49,847 --> 00:04:52,122
As ridiculously simple as that? A lost letter?
91
00:04:52,207 --> 00:04:55,722
Oh, dear
I suppose we're in some rack somewhere
92
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Could be in the Imperial War Museum,
for all we know
93
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Letter from subaltern to sweetheart, circa 1953
94
00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:05,164
Or still in Korea Disintegrated in the soil
95
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I'd like to think it fed a tree
96
00:05:08,207 --> 00:05:11,358
- People put newspaper on their compost heaps
- Yes, they do
97
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So, we finished as Korean compost
98
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I like the Imperial War Museum better
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Yes
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I think I do
101
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You didn't bother to write
a second bloody letter, did you?
102
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Am I boring you?
103
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Look
104
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It's us 38 years ago
105
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- This is where we first met
- I know
106
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Do you think we're in some sort of time warp?
107
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Perhaps we're hallucinating
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"Excuse me," you said
109
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"Could you direct me to Curzon Street?"
110
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Pretty steamy opening gambit, wasn't it?
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Why did you need to go to Curzon Street?
112
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I didn't
It was the first street that came into my head
113
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When I told my father and mother
I'd been picked up by a soldier in the park,
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they had a thousand fits
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- On the road to hell?
- Something like that
116
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We didn't do that on our first date
117
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We didn't do anything on our first date
118
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You swung from the branch of a tree
119
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Oh God! So, I did
120
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- Were you impressed?
- Tried not to laugh
121
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Thanks
122
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'Course, it may not be their first date at all
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I hope it is
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- Why?
- I just do
125
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So that's the first chapter done
126
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- What do you mean, done?
- Well, it's all in your head, isn't it?
127
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Now, chapter two
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Jean and Lionel went for a nice walk
129
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- We went for dozens of walks
- Not like that one
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We found the hotel
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- What hotel?
- The hotel
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Oh, yes
133
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So, that's a chapter
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It wasn't as easy to find as we thought, was it?
135
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Not quite, no
136
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I wonder what happened to that footpath?
137
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It's petered out
138
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The bloody thing's simply petered out
139
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Where are you?
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Here
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- What were you doing?
- I fell over
142
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Why?
143
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Are you all right?
144
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I'm wonderful I'm having a wonderful walk
145
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Look, it was as much your idea as mine
146
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A bigger man wouldn't have said that
147
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Well, I'm not a bigger man I'm a lost man
148
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- Which way shall we go?
- I don't know I'm not an Indian scout
149
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And where have the woods gone?
I can't see any woods
150
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I'd settle for a road
151
00:07:48,487 --> 00:07:50,239
I can see some telegraph poles
152
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What do you intend to do?
Shin up one and find out where we are?
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Telegraph poles mean a road
154
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Unless they're going across a field
155
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- Have you got any better ideas?
- Yes
156
00:08:01,367 --> 00:08:05,883
Wait for Humphrey Bogart to come along,
towing the African Queen and ask him the way
157
00:08:09,887 --> 00:08:11,684
And now you've looked us up again
158
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Well, not so much looked you up
as stumbled through a hedge and found you
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Did you work here in 1953?
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Oh, no, dear I was still at school Enjoy your tea
161
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At least she was alive in 1953
162
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I knew someone had to be
163
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We should have gone to Eastbourne
We'd be comparative striplings in Eastbourne
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You'd have wowed them with your trainers
165
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Well, there's a first time for everything, I suppose
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Yes
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I suppose so
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Why are you smiling?
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Nice tea
170
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Yeah, I know it's a nice tea
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- But you don't smile like that over a nice tea
- Well, I do
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What do you do if you have a nice dinner?
Shriek with laughter?
173
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The honey's nice
174
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:05,364
Look, I'm not a fool
You're not smiling about the tea and the honey
175
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You're smiling about something else
176
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- All right, I am
- What?
177
00:09:09,047 --> 00:09:10,605
I don't feel like telling you
178
00:09:10,687 --> 00:09:13,724
- Oh, aren't we a little old for games?
- It's not games
179
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If you don't know why I smile,
then I'm not telling you, 'cause you should
180
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- Should what?
- Know
181
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- Well, I don't
- Oh, have some honey
182
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I don't want any honey
183
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- It's not the shoes, they're not that funny
- No, it's not the shoes
184
00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:25,995
I haven't got mud on my face, have I?
185
00:09:26,087 --> 00:09:28,760
Look, why are you suddenly so concerned
about your personal appearance?
186
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- I've lost interest in this conversation
- So have I
187
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Funny being back there
188
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Yes, funny
189
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It was smaller than I remember
190
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From the outside
191
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Then I suppose
it never had more than 12 rooms or so
192
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Good God
193
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- I've just remembered something
- Oh?
194
00:09:49,727 --> 00:09:51,797
Here Then
195
00:09:52,407 --> 00:09:54,682
In one of those 12 rooms or so,
196
00:09:55,967 --> 00:09:57,958
we made love for the first time
197
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Did we really?
198
00:09:59,847 --> 00:10:02,407
That's why you were smiling You remembered
199
00:10:02,927 --> 00:10:04,645
So why didn't you say so?
200
00:10:04,727 --> 00:10:07,480
I didn't want to be the only one
who did remember
201
00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:08,920
Yes, I see
202
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:10,841
Room eight
203
00:10:11,807 --> 00:10:13,365
With the squeaky door
204
00:10:14,967 --> 00:10:17,037
Mr and Mrs Ambrose Smith
205
00:10:18,927 --> 00:10:20,997
I always wondered why you added the Ambrose
206
00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:22,486
I didn't want to be too obvious
207
00:10:22,567 --> 00:10:24,956
Oh Do you think they knew?
208
00:10:25,407 --> 00:10:27,716
Well, as we had no luggage
and were both as red as beetroots,
209
00:10:27,807 --> 00:10:29,604
I think they must have done
210
00:10:29,687 --> 00:10:31,120
Now you're smiling
211
00:10:31,607 --> 00:10:33,962
I was just thinking of the 28 cups of coffee
we had after dinner
212
00:10:34,047 --> 00:10:35,526
before we went up to the room
213
00:10:35,607 --> 00:10:37,359
It wasn't really 28
214
00:10:37,487 --> 00:10:39,876
- Seemed like it
- You kept ordering them
215
00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:41,998
- I didn't want to rush you
- Oh
216
00:10:42,287 --> 00:10:45,996
- I've always wondered, did you plan that night?
- Oh, give me some credit
217
00:10:46,447 --> 00:10:49,200
I'd have had a suitcase in the car if I'd planned it
218
00:10:49,287 --> 00:10:51,357
We didn't even have a toothbrush
219
00:10:52,167 --> 00:10:54,158
- You wore a grey slip
- Oyster
220
00:10:54,247 --> 00:10:55,885
- Oh, oyster
- Oyster
221
00:10:57,447 --> 00:10:59,563
I kept giggling all the next day at the hospital
222
00:10:59,647 --> 00:11:01,365
- Who with?
- No one
223
00:11:02,007 --> 00:11:05,443
Just everything everybody said
seemed to have a double meaning
224
00:11:05,647 --> 00:11:07,797
What about you when you went back to the camp?
225
00:11:07,887 --> 00:11:11,084
Oh, it isn't really a time for giggling
when you're on adjutant's parade
226
00:11:11,167 --> 00:11:13,317
I don't mean, did you giggle?
I mean, did you tell anyone?
227
00:11:13,407 --> 00:11:14,396
No
228
00:11:15,207 --> 00:11:19,200
I think I probably just walked about
with a silly smile on my face all day
229
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:22,483
I couldn't get over the fact that the night before,
230
00:11:22,567 --> 00:11:26,082
I'd made love to the most beautiful girl
I'd ever laid eyes on
231
00:11:26,927 --> 00:11:27,916
Oh
232
00:11:28,847 --> 00:11:30,883
Would you like some more hot water?
233
00:11:30,967 --> 00:11:32,559
- No, thank you
- Right
234
00:11:33,047 --> 00:11:35,322
Inventive That's what writers are supposed to be
235
00:11:35,407 --> 00:11:38,444
And what did I come up with?
Mr and Mrs Ambrose Smith
236
00:11:38,527 --> 00:11:41,439
Yes, but you weren't a writer then
You were flustered
237
00:11:41,527 --> 00:11:42,846
You were young and flustered
238
00:11:42,927 --> 00:11:45,600
Well, considering what was about to take place,
I had a right to be
239
00:11:45,687 --> 00:11:47,279
Yes, of course you did
240
00:11:47,447 --> 00:11:48,926
They must have known
241
00:11:49,367 --> 00:11:53,804
Mr and Mrs Ambrose Smith
with red faces and no wedding ring?
242
00:11:54,407 --> 00:11:56,363
I think they probably did
243
00:11:56,447 --> 00:11:59,484
I also look guilty when I lie, you see, always have
244
00:11:59,567 --> 00:12:02,923
That was a little white lie
Everyone tells little white lies from time to time
245
00:12:03,007 --> 00:12:03,996
Yes
246
00:12:04,927 --> 00:12:06,519
Yes, I suppose they do
247
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:08,801
Why are you looking like that?
248
00:12:08,887 --> 00:12:12,436
Oh, I was just thinking
Some white lies are whiter than others
249
00:12:13,367 --> 00:12:15,005
Lionel's a psychiatrist
250
00:12:18,047 --> 00:12:20,607
Really? How fascinating
251
00:12:21,087 --> 00:12:23,203
Absolutely fascinating
252
00:12:23,407 --> 00:12:25,238
Oh, it's just a job, really
253
00:12:26,527 --> 00:12:28,245
- No
- Please!
254
00:12:28,367 --> 00:12:31,279
Look, you can follow me around all day,
on your knees, if you like,
255
00:12:31,367 --> 00:12:32,641
but I am not treating Stephen
256
00:12:32,727 --> 00:12:36,402
Nobody mentioned anything about treating
He just wants to talk to you
257
00:12:36,487 --> 00:12:39,240
In my professional capacity as a psychiatrist?
258
00:12:39,327 --> 00:12:41,443
Yes, but I didn't know he meant that
till it was too late
259
00:12:42,767 --> 00:12:47,045
Presumably if he'd asked you for a judo lesson,
you'd have given him one, would you?
260
00:12:47,127 --> 00:12:49,243
Well, of course not
I don't know a thing about judo
261
00:12:49,327 --> 00:12:51,522
Well, I don't know anything about psychiatry
262
00:12:51,607 --> 00:12:53,598
Yes, well, it's much easier
to pretend to be a psychiatrist
263
00:12:53,687 --> 00:12:55,643
than it is to be a judo player
264
00:12:57,007 --> 00:12:59,043
That's the most extraordinary claim
I've ever heard
265
00:12:59,127 --> 00:13:03,518
Look, a girlfriend of mine has been to
a psychiatrist once a week for months
266
00:13:03,607 --> 00:13:05,723
And she can hardly get a peep out of him
267
00:13:05,807 --> 00:13:08,196
He thinks she ought to work her own solution
out by herself,
268
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:11,484
so he just listens and says "I see" a lot
269
00:13:11,687 --> 00:13:13,200
She pays him for this, does she?
270
00:13:13,287 --> 00:13:17,121
Yes, she says it's doing her good
Unloading her problems is doing her good
271
00:13:17,207 --> 00:13:19,198
- Months, you say?
- Almost a year
272
00:13:19,287 --> 00:13:21,118
Well, I'm not seeing Stephen every week
273
00:13:21,207 --> 00:13:23,482
Look, he just wants a chat
274
00:13:23,567 --> 00:13:25,444
I'm not messing about with his mind
275
00:13:25,527 --> 00:13:28,121
Oh, well, let's face it
There's not much to mess about with, is there?
276
00:13:28,207 --> 00:13:29,925
That's not the point
277
00:13:30,007 --> 00:13:31,679
If you told him I was a surgeon,
278
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:33,598
you wouldn't ask me to take his appendix out,
would you?
279
00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:36,565
Oh, come on!
Credit me with a bit of common sense
280
00:13:36,647 --> 00:13:37,716
Oh, God
281
00:13:38,927 --> 00:13:40,645
- That'll be Stephen
- What?
282
00:13:40,727 --> 00:13:45,039
Well, when you were in the bath, he rang
and I said to come round about 10:00
283
00:13:45,127 --> 00:13:46,446
You know, best to get it over with
284
00:13:46,527 --> 00:13:48,643
I think this is the unfairest thing
anyone's ever done to me
285
00:13:48,727 --> 00:13:50,843
- And I do mean done
- Yes, I know
286
00:13:52,887 --> 00:13:55,037
- Hello, Stephen
- Oh, good morning
287
00:13:56,327 --> 00:13:58,477
Lionel, this is awfully good of you
288
00:13:58,767 --> 00:14:02,396
Oh, come in, Stephen Erm, go through
I'll be with you in a minute
289
00:14:04,167 --> 00:14:05,725
Now, Lionel, please
290
00:14:05,807 --> 00:14:07,923
Have you just had a session?
291
00:14:08,367 --> 00:14:09,686
Yes, we have
292
00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:11,476
Extraordinary
293
00:14:12,847 --> 00:14:14,485
- I'll see you tonight
- You can't do this
294
00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:16,000
Oh, I know I know
295
00:14:16,087 --> 00:14:18,157
Please Please, Lionel Please!
296
00:14:20,767 --> 00:14:22,200
Look, Stephen, I
297
00:14:22,967 --> 00:14:24,082
Oh
298
00:14:24,207 --> 00:14:26,323
This is where you want me, is it?
299
00:14:27,247 --> 00:14:28,999
Yes, that'll do
300
00:14:29,767 --> 00:14:32,645
I say, this is very relaxing
It's not at all like consulting
301
00:14:32,727 --> 00:14:34,638
It's more like a home, really
302
00:14:34,847 --> 00:14:36,246
- I see
- Pardon?
303
00:14:36,567 --> 00:14:38,000
I said, I see
304
00:14:38,647 --> 00:14:40,080
Poor Jean
305
00:14:41,087 --> 00:14:42,600
Now, why "poor Jean" again?
306
00:14:42,687 --> 00:14:45,326
Well, I mean, meeting him so late in life
307
00:14:45,407 --> 00:14:46,806
You know how fond I was of David,
308
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:50,800
and I know he'd have been absolutely delighted
if you'd met someone, well
309
00:14:50,887 --> 00:14:52,764
- What, after a decent interval?
- Yes
310
00:14:52,847 --> 00:14:54,405
Yes, well, I know you would, but
311
00:14:54,487 --> 00:14:56,523
Well, now I have met Lionel
312
00:14:56,767 --> 00:14:58,200
But so late
313
00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:00,797
That's the second time you've said that
314
00:15:00,887 --> 00:15:02,764
We're not exactly in our dotage
315
00:15:02,847 --> 00:15:04,678
No, no Of course you're not
316
00:15:04,767 --> 00:15:07,600
And companionship can be a wonderful thing
317
00:15:07,927 --> 00:15:09,155
In its own way
318
00:15:09,927 --> 00:15:10,996
Poor Jean
319
00:15:13,127 --> 00:15:16,881
Penny, I think you ought to know
that my relationship with Lionel
320
00:15:16,967 --> 00:15:19,083
goes a long way beyond companionship
321
00:15:19,167 --> 00:15:20,839
Good gracious Does it?
322
00:15:23,327 --> 00:15:24,396
Of course
323
00:15:24,727 --> 00:15:26,524
- You mean
- Yes, of course
324
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:28,680
But you didn't say
325
00:15:28,767 --> 00:15:32,043
Well, it's not the kind of thing
you throw into the conversation right away, is it?
326
00:15:32,127 --> 00:15:34,482
- I think it's wonderful
- Good
327
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:37,161
- But you didn't say
- No, we've done that one
328
00:15:38,247 --> 00:15:39,316
Yeah, but I mean,
329
00:15:39,407 --> 00:15:42,001
I've automatically put you in separate rooms
330
00:15:42,527 --> 00:15:44,757
Oh, oh! Oh, no Well
331
00:15:44,847 --> 00:15:48,203
- That's fine That's all right
- No, no, no It isn't fine
332
00:15:49,607 --> 00:15:51,245
You should have said
333
00:15:51,327 --> 00:15:54,763
No, I'll change things around upstairs
It won't take a jiff
334
00:15:57,727 --> 00:16:00,002
Good Lord! Is that the time?
335
00:16:00,447 --> 00:16:02,756
- I'm ready for bed
- So am I
336
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:04,998
I'm not I'm not tired at all
337
00:16:07,527 --> 00:16:10,439
- Shall I make some more coffee?
- No, no, no There's no need for that
338
00:16:10,527 --> 00:16:13,564
I know Let's play Trivial Pursuits
339
00:16:14,647 --> 00:16:16,080
It's 1:00
340
00:16:17,607 --> 00:16:18,676
Oh, is it?
341
00:16:19,007 --> 00:16:20,326
Everybody tired?
342
00:16:20,807 --> 00:16:24,482
Oh, all right, then I'm off, then
Good night, everybody Good night
343
00:16:31,287 --> 00:16:33,357
- Psst, Lionel
- What?
344
00:16:33,447 --> 00:16:35,403
- Shh Shh
- What?
345
00:16:35,727 --> 00:16:36,921
We're in here
346
00:16:45,647 --> 00:16:47,558
What do you mean we're in here?
347
00:16:47,887 --> 00:16:49,798
- We're in here
- Why?
348
00:16:50,407 --> 00:16:52,318
Well, Penny changed things round
349
00:16:52,407 --> 00:16:53,840
Oh, did she?
350
00:16:53,927 --> 00:16:55,076
We are guests
351
00:16:55,167 --> 00:16:57,601
I know we're guests,
but that's no reason for her to
352
00:16:57,687 --> 00:17:00,679
- Well, why did she change things round?
- I don't know
353
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,518
- I better have a word
- No
354
00:17:06,687 --> 00:17:09,440
- It was me
- I see
355
00:17:10,007 --> 00:17:11,235
Don't smile
356
00:17:13,807 --> 00:17:15,365
It wasn't intentional
357
00:17:16,727 --> 00:17:18,080
What are we going to do?
358
00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:20,237
Against the grain of today's behaviour,
359
00:17:20,327 --> 00:17:22,204
we're going to act like grownups
360
00:17:22,287 --> 00:17:24,278
It is a bed made for two people
361
00:17:25,407 --> 00:17:26,396
True
362
00:17:45,767 --> 00:17:47,325
Why are you cuddling a cushion?
363
00:17:47,407 --> 00:17:49,637
Well, it's not just a cushion, is it?
364
00:17:50,887 --> 00:17:52,161
- Isn't it?
- No
365
00:17:53,047 --> 00:17:55,038
It's another chapter for the book
366
00:17:55,127 --> 00:17:56,845
There isn't going to be a book
367
00:17:56,927 --> 00:17:59,600
And if there were, there certainly wouldn't be
a chapter about cushions
368
00:17:59,687 --> 00:18:01,518
Not cushions This cushion
369
00:18:02,487 --> 00:18:04,955
- Sorry?
- I do wish you'd follow my thread
370
00:18:05,047 --> 00:18:06,526
Where to? Never-Never Land?
371
00:18:06,607 --> 00:18:09,644
It's a perfectly logical train of thought Look
372
00:18:09,847 --> 00:18:13,123
- This could go on all day
- All right, then There
373
00:18:14,487 --> 00:18:17,399
- Or all week
- Look, where is the cushion?
374
00:18:18,367 --> 00:18:20,642
The cushion is on the floor
375
00:18:21,047 --> 00:18:22,036
Why?
376
00:18:23,047 --> 00:18:26,164
- Because you put it there
- But why did I put it there?
377
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,285
I can only assume that
378
00:18:31,087 --> 00:18:32,236
Oh
379
00:18:33,407 --> 00:18:35,159
At last Oh
380
00:18:36,007 --> 00:18:37,156
Are we alone?
381
00:18:38,207 --> 00:18:39,196
Er
382
00:18:40,087 --> 00:18:42,237
Unless there's somebody under the sofa, yes
383
00:18:42,327 --> 00:18:45,319
- I meant Judith or Sandy
- Yes, I know you did
384
00:18:45,407 --> 00:18:48,126
Yes, they left a note on the fridge
"Painting the town"
385
00:18:48,207 --> 00:18:49,481
I'm glad
386
00:18:49,847 --> 00:18:51,360
You're getting very liberal
387
00:18:51,447 --> 00:18:53,915
- I mean, I'm glad they're out
- Mmm
388
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:55,360
So am I
389
00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:58,486
At last we've got a bit of weekend to ourselves
390
00:19:02,487 --> 00:19:04,239
That was very well timed, wasn't it?
391
00:19:04,327 --> 00:19:05,965
I'm sorry, I didn't know
you were going to lean on me
392
00:19:06,047 --> 00:19:07,958
I wasn't going to lean on you
I was just going to snuggle up
393
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:10,607
No, that would get in the way at the moment
394
00:19:11,407 --> 00:19:12,760
Oh, I'm sorry
395
00:19:13,807 --> 00:19:15,035
In the way of what?
396
00:19:15,127 --> 00:19:19,882
Well, all this should have happened
all those years ago, you know?
397
00:19:20,047 --> 00:19:22,322
I mean, your letter
would have reached me in Korea
398
00:19:22,407 --> 00:19:24,477
and I would have come home and
399
00:19:25,287 --> 00:19:27,403
Well, actually, I'd have done this
400
00:19:29,567 --> 00:19:32,001
But my knee wouldn't have clicked then
401
00:19:33,527 --> 00:19:34,516
Yes
402
00:19:34,767 --> 00:19:37,156
- No, it wouldn't
- Yes, I will marry you
403
00:19:38,047 --> 00:19:39,958
Well, I haven't asked you yet
404
00:19:40,167 --> 00:19:42,158
Yeah, but you were going to, weren't you?
405
00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:44,920
Well, yes, but I'd sooner actually say it,
if it's all the same to you
406
00:19:45,007 --> 00:19:46,326
Oh, sorry
407
00:19:48,007 --> 00:19:49,326
You all right down there?
408
00:19:49,407 --> 00:19:50,920
Yes, I'm fine
409
00:19:51,007 --> 00:19:52,235
Now, you may
410
00:19:52,887 --> 00:19:54,002
Thank you
411
00:19:54,807 --> 00:19:58,004
You may think that I've taken a long while
getting around to this
412
00:19:58,087 --> 00:20:00,282
Yes! No
413
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:03,397
- There is a reason
- Cold feet?
414
00:20:03,487 --> 00:20:05,603
- May I finish or not?
- Sorry, sorry
415
00:20:06,407 --> 00:20:08,637
I didn't really have anything to offer you, you see
416
00:20:08,727 --> 00:20:12,606
I mean, dribs and drabs of money from the book
The odd lecture
417
00:20:12,687 --> 00:20:16,396
I mean, the television money,
that's fine, but it won't last forever
418
00:20:16,487 --> 00:20:20,275
But now with a house,
I can offer you something proper, something real
419
00:20:20,367 --> 00:20:23,245
- That's why you were going on about the money
- Mmm
420
00:20:23,367 --> 00:20:27,155
It'll probably sound stupid
but that's the way I am
421
00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:30,925
- No, it's not stupid
- And there's something else
422
00:20:31,847 --> 00:20:33,519
- Oh, is there?
- Yes
423
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:38,118
I fell in love with you the first day I met you
424
00:20:38,887 --> 00:20:41,606
And I don't think I've ever stopped loving you
425
00:20:42,847 --> 00:20:44,485
Well, that's it, really
426
00:20:46,647 --> 00:20:48,877
- I love you, too
- Well, that's good
427
00:20:50,407 --> 00:20:52,523
- Can I say yes now?
- Yes, please
428
00:20:52,607 --> 00:20:53,756
Yes
429
00:20:56,127 --> 00:20:58,402
There's always something, isn't there?
430
00:20:59,127 --> 00:21:01,595
- What is it?
- My knee's locked
431
00:21:03,127 --> 00:21:04,640
Doesn't matter
432
00:21:13,567 --> 00:21:16,286
- What you doing?
- It's our wedding photographs
433
00:21:17,047 --> 00:21:18,241
Because?
434
00:21:18,327 --> 00:21:20,636
Well, a few photographs never hurt a book
435
00:21:20,727 --> 00:21:24,197
No, I suppose the odd holiday snap
would have brightened up War and Peace.
436
00:21:24,287 --> 00:21:27,085
- Well, I'll ignore that
- Oh, I thought you might
437
00:21:27,447 --> 00:21:30,200
Now, that one would make a very nice cover
438
00:21:30,287 --> 00:21:31,606
Us on a cover?
439
00:21:32,447 --> 00:21:34,278
Do you seriously think
that would be a selling point?
440
00:21:34,367 --> 00:21:36,562
I don't see why not We look quite respectable
441
00:21:36,647 --> 00:21:39,286
- Quite nice, really
- Oh, well, that clinches it
442
00:21:39,367 --> 00:21:42,564
You can almost hear the buzz
in the bookshops, can't you?
443
00:21:42,647 --> 00:21:45,957
"Let's buy that book
with those nice, respectable people on the cover"
444
00:21:46,047 --> 00:21:48,356
Now, I do wish you'd be more positive about this
445
00:21:48,447 --> 00:21:52,440
There's certainly a chapter about the wedding
Everyone loves to read about a wedding
446
00:21:52,527 --> 00:21:54,438
Yeah, but nothing happened
447
00:21:54,767 --> 00:21:57,918
- Sorry?
- Well, apart from me marrying the woman I love
448
00:21:58,007 --> 00:22:00,840
- It was quite uneventful It wasn't a chapter
- Oh
449
00:22:02,087 --> 00:22:05,557
I'll tell you what would make a chapter, though
A long chapter
450
00:22:05,647 --> 00:22:09,560
- Well, that's better What?
- The list of everybody you wanted to invite
451
00:22:09,647 --> 00:22:12,115
That would take up to 200 pages, at least
452
00:22:13,567 --> 00:22:15,956
- Where's your list?
- It's in here
453
00:22:16,047 --> 00:22:18,277
- Well, how many people on that?
- Seventy-eight
454
00:22:19,607 --> 00:22:22,326
- Seventy-eight?
- Well, it'll come down a bit
455
00:22:22,407 --> 00:22:24,284
- Oh, really?
- Yes
456
00:22:24,367 --> 00:22:28,440
You must be very careful
not to leave people out They can get very hurt
457
00:22:28,527 --> 00:22:30,404
Who are all these people?
458
00:22:30,967 --> 00:22:33,959
- I mean who, for instance, is Sandy Gilchrist?
- Sandy Gilchrist
459
00:22:34,047 --> 00:22:35,924
Well, he's my chiropodist
460
00:22:38,607 --> 00:22:41,360
He's a sweet man and he hasn't had an easy life
461
00:22:41,927 --> 00:22:44,964
Oh, well, if that's the criterion,
that list's going to get bigger, not shorter
462
00:22:45,047 --> 00:22:47,515
Now, don't just make
sweeping statements about it
463
00:22:47,607 --> 00:22:50,201
Now, just tell me one thing
464
00:22:50,287 --> 00:22:53,723
How on earth do you expect
to get these hundreds of people into this house?
465
00:22:53,807 --> 00:22:57,925
There are not hundreds and that's no problem
Guests spread out at a wedding reception
466
00:22:58,007 --> 00:22:59,599
Half of them on the roof, presumably
467
00:22:59,687 --> 00:23:01,484
Right, that's done it Come on
468
00:23:01,567 --> 00:23:03,922
- Where are you going?
- We're going downstairs, come on
469
00:23:04,007 --> 00:23:06,885
- What, now?
- Yes, now I just want to prove a point
470
00:23:06,967 --> 00:23:11,324
- It's 11:00
- Well, there is life after 11:00 Come on
471
00:23:16,167 --> 00:23:20,479
Let's clear out
the cupboard under the stairs while we're at it
472
00:23:23,327 --> 00:23:27,639
Now, we'll move the furniture back
and they'll all stand about in little groups
473
00:23:28,247 --> 00:23:30,920
Now, tell me,
how much room does a little group take up?
474
00:23:31,007 --> 00:23:33,999
- I mean, say four people
- Well, about
475
00:23:34,287 --> 00:23:35,640
About that much
476
00:23:37,487 --> 00:23:39,921
That's if they're all standing like this
477
00:23:40,007 --> 00:23:42,601
And how much
would your group of four people take up?
478
00:23:42,687 --> 00:23:43,676
Well
479
00:23:44,447 --> 00:23:47,644
- Say about that much
- Well, they're all really huge people, are they?
480
00:23:47,727 --> 00:23:50,082
No, not particularly
481
00:23:50,447 --> 00:23:54,281
But you don't stand about at a wedding reception
with your hands at your sides
482
00:23:54,367 --> 00:23:59,202
I mean, people have drinks in their hands
and they make gestures while they talk
483
00:23:59,367 --> 00:24:00,846
Gestures?
484
00:24:00,927 --> 00:24:03,282
You didn't say anything
about flailing your arms about
485
00:24:03,367 --> 00:24:05,562
- Oh, maybe I exaggerated
- Yes, you did
486
00:24:05,647 --> 00:24:08,957
Anyone who flailed their arms about like that
would need a whole room to themselves
487
00:24:09,047 --> 00:24:11,845
Well, you gesture, then Just naturally
488
00:24:12,487 --> 00:24:13,966
Well, all right
489
00:24:17,847 --> 00:24:19,644
That's not natural
490
00:24:19,727 --> 00:24:21,479
Yes, it is
491
00:24:21,927 --> 00:24:24,441
People don't gesture like that
492
00:24:25,247 --> 00:24:27,886
Not unless they have extraordinarily short arms
493
00:24:30,287 --> 00:24:33,245
- Well, you'll need a secretary
- To help me dry two coffee mugs?
494
00:24:33,407 --> 00:24:35,159
No, to help you with the book
495
00:24:35,247 --> 00:24:38,000
- You're like a terrier with a bone
- Well, you will
496
00:24:38,087 --> 00:24:41,682
Look, it's a nonexistent book,
so I'll have a nonexistent secretary How's that?
497
00:24:41,767 --> 00:24:45,123
Well, put your mind to it
and the book could become existent
498
00:24:45,527 --> 00:24:47,040
That a real word?
499
00:24:47,527 --> 00:24:48,721
I think so
500
00:24:49,487 --> 00:24:51,364
Anyway, you know what I mean
501
00:24:51,527 --> 00:24:54,519
And if you do get down to it,
then you will need a secretary
502
00:24:54,607 --> 00:24:58,361
- This would be a handpicked secretary, would it?
- Of course Why do you ask?
503
00:24:58,447 --> 00:25:00,199
Just thinking about Daisy
504
00:25:00,767 --> 00:25:01,836
Who?
505
00:25:03,287 --> 00:25:06,040
The secretary I had that you didn't handpick
506
00:25:07,527 --> 00:25:08,880
I don't remember
507
00:25:11,247 --> 00:25:14,284
Well, you'll be glad to hear
that we've sorted everything out
508
00:25:14,367 --> 00:25:18,838
And we've decided to be very large-hearted
and not envy Sally Curtis because she's perfect
509
00:25:18,927 --> 00:25:20,280
Good
510
00:25:20,367 --> 00:25:22,323
And you don't have to see her again, do you?
511
00:25:22,407 --> 00:25:23,442
No
512
00:25:23,527 --> 00:25:27,076
Not unless she's so besotted with me
that she can't leave me alone
513
00:25:27,167 --> 00:25:28,919
Ha You should be so lucky
514
00:25:29,007 --> 00:25:29,996
Lucky?
515
00:25:30,327 --> 00:25:33,922
I couldn't be doing with anybody who's perfect
I much prefer you
516
00:25:36,847 --> 00:25:38,724
I suppose if I think about that
for a very long time,
517
00:25:38,807 --> 00:25:40,798
I could take it as a compliment
518
00:25:41,327 --> 00:25:42,362
Of course
519
00:25:43,167 --> 00:25:44,805
Well, I better be going
520
00:25:44,887 --> 00:25:48,516
- You might even get to like her
- Oh, now we're getting into the realms of fantasy
521
00:25:48,607 --> 00:25:50,438
Look, you're bigger than she is
522
00:25:50,527 --> 00:25:51,960
I know that!
523
00:25:53,687 --> 00:25:55,086
Bigger-hearted
524
00:25:55,167 --> 00:25:58,079
Try it Make the first move
You might be surprised
525
00:25:58,487 --> 00:26:01,604
Are you thinking of becoming
a United Nations peacekeeper?
526
00:26:01,687 --> 00:26:05,316
- At least give it a chance
- What, 'cause I'm suddenly big-hearted?
527
00:26:05,407 --> 00:26:06,601
Not suddenly
528
00:26:07,527 --> 00:26:08,516
Oh
529
00:26:10,407 --> 00:26:12,796
- See you tonight
- See you tonight
530
00:26:20,927 --> 00:26:23,236
- Good morning
- Good morning
531
00:26:23,407 --> 00:26:24,476
I'm Daisy
532
00:26:24,567 --> 00:26:29,197
Sally Curtis sent me to do some secretarial work
for Mr Hardcastle
533
00:26:30,527 --> 00:26:32,006
Oh, did she really?
534
00:26:33,087 --> 00:26:34,759
- Come in
- Thank you
535
00:26:41,847 --> 00:26:43,678
Look what Sally's sent you
536
00:26:46,887 --> 00:26:49,720
Hello I'm Daisy
537
00:26:50,927 --> 00:26:52,155
Good morning
538
00:26:56,167 --> 00:26:58,761
Come through I've just made a pot of coffee
539
00:26:59,367 --> 00:27:01,323
This way Here
540
00:27:03,087 --> 00:27:05,123
I'll kill her I'll kill her
541
00:27:06,887 --> 00:27:08,718
Good morning Gwen Flack
542
00:27:08,807 --> 00:27:11,116
Oh, yes, Mrs Flack Do come in
I'm Jean Pargetter
543
00:27:11,207 --> 00:27:13,880
Oh, I only know you by repute, of course
544
00:27:13,967 --> 00:27:16,322
I've been sent by your other branch
545
00:27:16,407 --> 00:27:19,763
Apparently Daisy
wasn't found completely satisfactory
546
00:27:19,847 --> 00:27:22,315
No Apparently not
547
00:27:22,527 --> 00:27:25,246
Do come through Mr Hardcastle's in here
548
00:27:25,327 --> 00:27:28,956
- Good morning Gwen Flack
- Ah Good morning
549
00:27:29,167 --> 00:27:30,998
This is Daisy's replacement
550
00:27:32,647 --> 00:27:33,762
Replacement?
551
00:27:33,847 --> 00:27:37,362
Apparently Daisy
wasn't found completely satisfactory
552
00:27:38,327 --> 00:27:39,442
Wasn't she?
553
00:27:39,527 --> 00:27:42,280
Look, Mrs Flack,
there's some fresh coffee in the kitchen
554
00:27:42,367 --> 00:27:44,756
Down there
Why don't you go and help yourself to a cup?
555
00:27:44,847 --> 00:27:47,441
Well, that's very kind Very kind
556
00:27:49,367 --> 00:27:51,437
Don't you wrinkle your nose at me
557
00:27:52,407 --> 00:27:53,840
Where were we up to?
558
00:27:53,927 --> 00:27:57,715
- You'd just closed the bedroom door
- Oh, yes
559
00:27:58,647 --> 00:28:03,118
Well, at the risk of sounding prurient,
560
00:28:03,207 --> 00:28:04,640
what happened next?
561
00:28:04,887 --> 00:28:06,798
I said, "Hello"
562
00:28:07,967 --> 00:28:11,642
But you'd just had dinner downstairs
Why say hello?
563
00:28:11,727 --> 00:28:13,638
I don't know why I said it, I just said it
564
00:28:13,727 --> 00:28:16,639
Well, it doesn't sound very romantic, does it?
565
00:28:16,727 --> 00:28:19,195
What about something like
And I know I'm not a writer,
566
00:28:19,287 --> 00:28:23,405
but what about something like,
"Oh, my darling, you look so lovely"
567
00:28:24,567 --> 00:28:26,637
- I couldn't have said that
- Too shy?
568
00:28:26,727 --> 00:28:29,525
No, Jean was in the bathroom I couldn't see her
569
00:28:30,127 --> 00:28:34,837
Now, I don't want you to get ahead of yourself,
but did you undress?
570
00:28:36,487 --> 00:28:39,445
Well, I didn't jump into bed with all my clothes on
571
00:28:39,967 --> 00:28:43,755
Well, that brings us to the issue of socks
572
00:28:45,327 --> 00:28:47,079
- Does it?
- Yes
573
00:28:47,207 --> 00:28:50,085
I know I can't speak for the whole of womankind,
574
00:28:50,167 --> 00:28:54,080
but a man taking his socks off last
is a dead turnoff
575
00:28:55,927 --> 00:28:59,078
Well, you'll be thrilled to hear
that I never take my socks off last
576
00:28:59,167 --> 00:29:01,237
- Oh, good
- Anyway,
577
00:29:01,887 --> 00:29:03,798
after I said hello
578
00:29:03,887 --> 00:29:08,403
Mr Flack was rather keen on, well,
that side of things
579
00:29:08,487 --> 00:29:13,481
And surprisingly enough, he was quite good at it
I mean, for a short man
580
00:29:14,687 --> 00:29:17,884
And Jean said, "Yes, here I am"
581
00:29:17,967 --> 00:29:21,880
But he did develop this habit
of taking his socks off last
582
00:29:21,967 --> 00:29:26,358
And it didn't do a lot
for getting me in the mood, as you might say
583
00:29:26,447 --> 00:29:28,722
We've established that I didn't
584
00:29:28,807 --> 00:29:31,685
- And then
- Strange things, socks
585
00:29:31,767 --> 00:29:33,723
I know they serve a purpose
586
00:29:33,807 --> 00:29:38,756
but when it comes to that side of things,
they're best disposed of as quickly as possible
587
00:29:39,607 --> 00:29:42,997
I find that cardigans
come under the same category
588
00:29:44,607 --> 00:29:50,159
I mean, a nice enough garment in their own right
but somehow just not conducive
589
00:29:50,487 --> 00:29:52,762
Would you excuse me for just a moment,
Mrs Flack?
590
00:29:52,847 --> 00:29:54,883
Yes, of course
591
00:30:05,127 --> 00:30:07,641
- I thought I was taking you out to lunch
- You are
592
00:30:07,727 --> 00:30:09,479
Well, they don't serve meals in Judy's room
593
00:30:09,567 --> 00:30:13,401
No, I'm just sorting through some books
that Judy wants me to send her
594
00:30:14,887 --> 00:30:19,005
- Harvey the Hamster. Isn't she a bit old for that?
- Oh, no That's one of her favourites
595
00:30:19,087 --> 00:30:22,762
It's a lovely book
He goes to sleep in his little house at the end
596
00:30:22,847 --> 00:30:25,156
There's nothing like a dramatic climax
597
00:30:25,607 --> 00:30:27,086
Anyway, Judy wants it
598
00:30:27,167 --> 00:30:29,123
I shall never understand women
599
00:30:29,527 --> 00:30:31,438
Oh, I should give up trying
600
00:30:31,687 --> 00:30:33,917
Oh, look A book of love poems
601
00:30:34,007 --> 00:30:36,840
If I did understand women,
I'd say that was more natural
602
00:30:36,927 --> 00:30:39,282
than a book about a hamster called Harvey
603
00:30:39,367 --> 00:30:40,925
It wasn't on her list
604
00:30:42,527 --> 00:30:44,882
Oh, look There's an inscription in it as well
605
00:30:44,967 --> 00:30:47,606
"To dear Judith with fondest wishes, Eric"
606
00:30:48,687 --> 00:30:50,757
You're going to say, "Who's Eric" now, aren't you?
607
00:30:50,847 --> 00:30:52,519
I'm not, as a matter of fact
608
00:30:52,607 --> 00:30:55,599
I shall never forget your face
when you first saw him
609
00:30:56,047 --> 00:31:00,325
- Judy was on the rebound at the time
- I know, but even so Eric
610
00:31:00,407 --> 00:31:02,557
Yes, even so Eric
611
00:31:03,967 --> 00:31:06,003
- Cheerio, then
- Oh, where are you going?
612
00:31:06,087 --> 00:31:08,237
- Out
- Anywhere special?
613
00:31:08,367 --> 00:31:10,835
No, just out Bye
614
00:31:12,767 --> 00:31:15,281
- That's significant
- I thought it might be
615
00:31:16,087 --> 00:31:17,918
She doesn't want to be here when Eric comes
616
00:31:18,007 --> 00:31:20,965
I'm beginning not to want to be here
when Eric comes
617
00:31:22,327 --> 00:31:25,205
Look, if he's very short
618
00:31:25,927 --> 00:31:26,916
Yes?
619
00:31:27,007 --> 00:31:29,237
No, I mean really short
620
00:31:29,807 --> 00:31:31,923
Don't stand next to him, will you?
621
00:31:33,847 --> 00:31:35,724
Now, don't tower over him
622
00:31:36,567 --> 00:31:39,479
Well, I'll just sit very low in my seat, like this
623
00:31:40,847 --> 00:31:44,203
When he sits down
I'll pop a cushion under his little bottom
624
00:31:46,207 --> 00:31:48,596
I'm not sure what to do if he's a giant
625
00:31:48,807 --> 00:31:50,479
Why should he be a giant?
626
00:31:51,087 --> 00:31:55,922
Why have you entirely discounted the possibility
that he could be just a very average person?
627
00:31:56,007 --> 00:31:58,601
Because of the way that Judy said,
"We'd better get it over with"
628
00:31:58,687 --> 00:32:01,326
- Well, she could just have meant
- Yes?
629
00:32:02,007 --> 00:32:03,520
- Meant
- Yes?
630
00:32:04,047 --> 00:32:06,038
- Well, just give me a minute, will you?
- Yes
631
00:32:06,127 --> 00:32:08,516
You see,
you're beginning to have your doubts now
632
00:32:08,607 --> 00:32:10,086
I wish we were still in Scotland
633
00:32:10,167 --> 00:32:12,840
What, and have all this going on
without us knowing about it?
634
00:32:12,927 --> 00:32:14,724
- All what going on?
- Well, whatever it is
635
00:32:15,927 --> 00:32:17,519
Oh! He's here
636
00:32:18,087 --> 00:32:20,043
It's all right I'll go
637
00:32:20,127 --> 00:32:23,119
Well, this is no good
We look as if we're waiting for him to come in
638
00:32:23,207 --> 00:32:26,085
- Well, we are
- Yes, but we shouldn't look like it
639
00:32:26,607 --> 00:32:28,598
Spread out a bit
640
00:32:32,567 --> 00:32:34,444
Just spread out a bit
641
00:32:35,247 --> 00:32:38,557
Mum, Lionel, say hello to Eric
642
00:32:38,647 --> 00:32:40,126
Oh
643
00:32:41,407 --> 00:32:42,556
Hello
644
00:32:48,447 --> 00:32:50,244
Nice to meet you both
645
00:32:50,927 --> 00:32:53,725
It is customary to say hello back
646
00:32:53,927 --> 00:32:56,521
- Yes, of course Hello, Eric
- Hello, Eric
647
00:32:57,047 --> 00:33:00,357
- How are you?
- Oh, I'm very well, thank you And yourself?
648
00:33:00,927 --> 00:33:03,043
Me, oh, I'm very well
649
00:33:03,847 --> 00:33:05,565
Yes, I'm very well, too
650
00:33:06,007 --> 00:33:07,599
That's good, isn't it?
651
00:33:07,727 --> 00:33:11,083
- Yes, it is, all being well
- Eric, would you like a drink?
652
00:33:11,167 --> 00:33:13,442
- Oh, no, no, no, I'll do that
- No, I'll do it You all sit down
653
00:33:13,527 --> 00:33:15,483
Look, I'm here already You all sit down
654
00:33:15,567 --> 00:33:17,876
- Oh, Eric?
- A soft one, please
655
00:33:17,967 --> 00:33:19,446
- Sorry?
- Drink
656
00:33:20,527 --> 00:33:21,755
Oh
657
00:33:23,247 --> 00:33:26,603
- Eric would like a soft one, please, Judy
- Yes, I heard
658
00:33:26,687 --> 00:33:29,759
Don't want to blot the old escutcheon
after 35 years
659
00:33:29,847 --> 00:33:32,805
- Escutcheon?
- Driving licence
660
00:33:32,887 --> 00:33:34,320
No, quite
661
00:33:35,607 --> 00:33:37,199
- Oh, thanks
- Thank you
662
00:33:37,767 --> 00:33:39,803
- So, Eric
- Yes?
663
00:33:40,967 --> 00:33:45,165
You've been driving for 35 years?
664
00:33:45,647 --> 00:33:49,356
Yes, that's right
I took it up rather late, I'm afraid
665
00:33:52,887 --> 00:33:54,605
- Here we are
- Thank you
666
00:33:57,047 --> 00:33:58,036
What?
667
00:33:58,927 --> 00:34:00,042
Oh, yes
668
00:34:01,087 --> 00:34:02,679
Well, here's to
669
00:34:03,367 --> 00:34:04,595
- To
- Eric
670
00:34:04,687 --> 00:34:05,676
Yes?
671
00:34:06,247 --> 00:34:10,081
- No, I mean here's to Eric
- Oh, thank you very much
672
00:34:13,287 --> 00:34:14,402
So, Eric,
673
00:34:15,567 --> 00:34:16,795
how did you find us?
674
00:34:16,887 --> 00:34:18,525
I've been here before
675
00:34:19,327 --> 00:34:20,476
Have you?
676
00:34:20,767 --> 00:34:23,327
Oh, yes, of course you have Silly question
677
00:34:23,847 --> 00:34:27,886
- We can't stay long
- Oh, that's all right, Judith There's plenty of time
678
00:34:28,047 --> 00:34:29,036
Is there?
679
00:34:29,927 --> 00:34:31,838
Well, that's good, isn't it?
680
00:34:33,167 --> 00:34:36,716
Far less traffic on the roads, of course,
when I learned to drive
681
00:34:36,807 --> 00:34:38,957
Oh, well, there would be I mean
682
00:34:41,687 --> 00:34:44,360
- There There must have been
- Far less
683
00:34:45,807 --> 00:34:49,004
There's a great deal more now
Don't you think so, Lionel?
684
00:34:49,207 --> 00:34:50,720
Yes, there is Definitely
685
00:34:50,807 --> 00:34:52,525
Far more Far more
686
00:34:53,327 --> 00:34:58,355
I wonder what the increase in volume is
687
00:35:05,087 --> 00:35:06,566
Oh, he's driven off
688
00:35:06,807 --> 00:35:08,399
Can't have been Eric after all
689
00:35:08,487 --> 00:35:11,206
- What if you were to see something?
- Like what?
690
00:35:11,287 --> 00:35:13,005
Well, I don't know Anything
691
00:35:13,087 --> 00:35:15,442
What do you intend to do?
Lean out of the window and shout,
692
00:35:15,527 --> 00:35:18,803
"Take your hands
off my daughter, you dirty old man"
693
00:35:18,887 --> 00:35:20,320
No, of course not, but
694
00:35:20,407 --> 00:35:23,922
Oh, Lionel, he is too old for her, isn't he?
695
00:35:24,007 --> 00:35:25,998
I don't think it's any of our business
696
00:35:26,087 --> 00:35:28,476
Well, of course it's our business
We're her parents
697
00:35:28,567 --> 00:35:30,637
No, we are not
698
00:35:30,767 --> 00:35:32,598
Well, you're her stepfather
699
00:35:32,967 --> 00:35:35,527
That makes me sound
like someone in a pantomime
700
00:35:35,607 --> 00:35:38,519
Which means you have no excuse
to stand back when there's a family crisis
701
00:35:38,607 --> 00:35:40,962
I don't consider this a crisis
702
00:35:41,247 --> 00:35:42,839
But what if he proposes?
703
00:35:42,927 --> 00:35:45,157
They've only known each other a week
704
00:35:45,247 --> 00:35:48,922
- Yes, but he hasn't got time on his side, has he?
- Oh, for goodness' sake
705
00:35:57,247 --> 00:35:58,646
Joan Fontaine
706
00:35:59,007 --> 00:36:00,679
- What?
- What?
707
00:36:01,287 --> 00:36:03,357
- You just said "Joan Fontaine"
- Why?
708
00:36:03,447 --> 00:36:04,960
Well, goodness knows
709
00:36:05,087 --> 00:36:07,362
You're always waking up
and saying strange things
710
00:36:07,447 --> 00:36:10,007
She was Olivia de Havilland's sister
711
00:36:10,447 --> 00:36:12,483
I must have nodded off and made the connection
712
00:36:12,567 --> 00:36:14,797
Well, if you can call it a connection, yes
713
00:36:14,887 --> 00:36:16,764
It's from Judy She sends her love
714
00:36:16,847 --> 00:36:18,883
Good How's married life?
715
00:36:18,967 --> 00:36:20,685
Well, it sounds very good
716
00:36:20,807 --> 00:36:24,720
Seems that Alistair is finally doing an impression
of a real human being
717
00:36:24,847 --> 00:36:27,042
- Had to happen eventually
- Yes
718
00:36:27,327 --> 00:36:30,876
Wasn't what you'd call
the smoothest courtship in the world, was it?
719
00:36:30,967 --> 00:36:33,117
More like a running battle at times
720
00:36:33,647 --> 00:36:36,445
Sandy and Harry
had some bumpy moments as well
721
00:36:36,567 --> 00:36:38,603
You can't blame the boy for liking rugby
722
00:36:38,687 --> 00:36:41,121
Liking? He was obsessed with it
723
00:36:42,287 --> 00:36:44,960
Still, they all had a happy ending
724
00:36:45,647 --> 00:36:47,763
- What was that song?
- What song?
725
00:36:47,967 --> 00:36:50,527
The one about the bumpy road to love
726
00:36:51,407 --> 00:36:52,601
I don't know
727
00:36:53,647 --> 00:36:55,922
Joan Fontaine didn't sing it, did she?
728
00:36:59,127 --> 00:37:02,119
- Marriage?
- That's right The big M
729
00:37:03,687 --> 00:37:06,076
That isn't what you're supposed to do next, Judy
730
00:37:06,167 --> 00:37:09,523
No, I know, I
I just should have had some warning
731
00:37:09,607 --> 00:37:11,245
What was I supposed to do?
732
00:37:11,327 --> 00:37:13,887
Say, "Hey, I shall be proposing to you
later today"?
733
00:37:13,967 --> 00:37:15,958
No I don't know
734
00:37:16,047 --> 00:37:17,116
Why?
735
00:37:17,207 --> 00:37:20,358
- What kind of a question is that?
- It's a fairly important one
736
00:37:20,447 --> 00:37:21,766
Well, because
737
00:37:22,127 --> 00:37:24,243
Look, can we go up to your bedroom?
738
00:37:25,327 --> 00:37:29,400
This isn't the one about thinking more clearly
when we're lying down, is it?
739
00:37:29,727 --> 00:37:31,080
No
740
00:37:31,247 --> 00:37:33,078
This is all wrong
741
00:37:33,207 --> 00:37:35,323
This is a kitchen You're making coffee
742
00:37:35,407 --> 00:37:37,921
This should be happening
on a golden beach in Acapulco
743
00:37:38,007 --> 00:37:40,316
or a snow-covered ski lodge in Saint Moritz
744
00:37:40,407 --> 00:37:42,398
And would I still be making coffee?
745
00:37:42,487 --> 00:37:45,524
- Judy, I'm serious
- Yes, I think you are
746
00:37:45,687 --> 00:37:49,043
So this is a kitchen
You picked the time and the spot
747
00:37:49,127 --> 00:37:51,641
Well, could you at least stop making coffee?
748
00:37:52,567 --> 00:37:54,046
Sorry
749
00:37:54,887 --> 00:37:58,436
As I told you before, impulse is my middle name
750
00:37:58,927 --> 00:38:02,283
It suddenly happened to me
on the way back from lunch Kaboom!
751
00:38:02,367 --> 00:38:04,676
Now, the furthest your impulses
have ever got you before
752
00:38:04,767 --> 00:38:06,723
is asking me to move in with you
753
00:38:06,807 --> 00:38:09,719
I know And I want you to know that
that offer still stands,
754
00:38:09,807 --> 00:38:11,718
should you say no to marriage
755
00:38:12,407 --> 00:38:13,635
Thank you
756
00:38:14,167 --> 00:38:16,237
You know, I've been thinking,
757
00:38:16,847 --> 00:38:19,600
I really appreciated you coming around yesterday
758
00:38:19,687 --> 00:38:22,406
There's nothing to appreciate I missed you
759
00:38:23,127 --> 00:38:25,436
But Saturdays are rugby days
760
00:38:25,527 --> 00:38:26,721
Postponed it
761
00:38:27,567 --> 00:38:30,240
- The whole game?
- Nothing more to do
762
00:38:30,607 --> 00:38:33,599
You postponed a rugby game
so that you could come and see me?
763
00:38:33,687 --> 00:38:35,439
No, the game was postponed
764
00:38:36,007 --> 00:38:38,726
- Frozen pitch
- Oh, I see
765
00:38:39,367 --> 00:38:41,005
But I would have come round anyway
766
00:38:41,087 --> 00:38:43,760
- Would you really?
- Of course I would
767
00:38:44,407 --> 00:38:46,318
As soon as the game was over
768
00:38:51,647 --> 00:38:52,796
It's odd, isn't it?
769
00:38:52,887 --> 00:38:56,402
Here we are, sitting here, talking about
where we're going to live and having babies
770
00:38:56,487 --> 00:38:58,478
Only yesterday you were putting off
having lunch with me
771
00:38:58,567 --> 00:39:00,205
so you could see a college friend
772
00:39:00,287 --> 00:39:01,686
And I'm very glad I did, Judy
773
00:39:01,767 --> 00:39:03,997
Because that's what really made me propose
774
00:39:04,087 --> 00:39:07,636
- You don't mean that it was his idea?
- What, Leo?
775
00:39:08,247 --> 00:39:12,684
Leo once described marriage as an institution
to which only lunatics get committed
776
00:39:12,847 --> 00:39:14,997
No, it was just seeing him again
777
00:39:15,287 --> 00:39:16,515
I don't follow
778
00:39:16,647 --> 00:39:18,365
Judy, the guy was a wreck
779
00:39:18,567 --> 00:39:21,639
A burnt-out shell of a man A husk
780
00:39:22,127 --> 00:39:24,641
So you came home and proposed to me?
781
00:39:24,727 --> 00:39:26,285
Well, don't you see?
782
00:39:26,367 --> 00:39:28,722
Leo's only a couple of years older than I am
783
00:39:28,807 --> 00:39:32,516
A guy can't go on burning the candle in the middle
as well as at both ends forever
784
00:39:32,607 --> 00:39:35,804
If I don't do something about it now,
I could end up like that
785
00:39:35,887 --> 00:39:40,199
- Which makes me the something
- Well, yes
786
00:39:41,127 --> 00:39:44,039
What do you think I am? A Salvation Army hostel?
787
00:39:44,647 --> 00:39:47,719
- Judy?
- You go and get yourself a nanny!
788
00:39:51,807 --> 00:39:54,321
Well, in his heart it's always been Judy
789
00:39:54,647 --> 00:39:56,717
He's just got engaged to another woman
790
00:39:56,807 --> 00:39:59,002
Yes, but you know what he's like
He's a bit of a fly-by-night
791
00:39:59,087 --> 00:40:00,361
It mightn't last
792
00:40:00,447 --> 00:40:03,200
And that's what you want for Judy, is it?
A bit of a fly-by-night?
793
00:40:03,287 --> 00:40:05,676
Well, at least he's a nice fly-by-night
794
00:40:07,047 --> 00:40:08,719
I give up I really do
795
00:40:08,807 --> 00:40:10,843
I wonder what this Mercury's like
796
00:40:11,727 --> 00:40:15,197
I'm not sure I can actually bring myself
to call anyone Mercury
797
00:40:16,607 --> 00:40:18,006
It could be worse
798
00:40:18,447 --> 00:40:20,563
She could be called British Telecom
799
00:40:25,487 --> 00:40:27,125
It's Mercury time
800
00:40:28,967 --> 00:40:30,764
Look, Judy,
if you don't want to go through with this
801
00:40:30,847 --> 00:40:33,725
Oh, Mum, I can't miss the opportunity
of seeing the woman
802
00:40:33,807 --> 00:40:36,196
that can make Alistair propose marriage
803
00:40:36,967 --> 00:40:38,082
Wow
804
00:40:41,287 --> 00:40:44,484
- Lionel, your mouth's open
- Sorry
805
00:40:46,207 --> 00:40:48,163
- Hello
- Hello
806
00:40:48,847 --> 00:40:50,280
Hi, guys
807
00:40:53,647 --> 00:40:55,638
- Hello
- Hello, Alistair
808
00:40:55,727 --> 00:40:59,163
- We thought that was Mercury
- What, the plain girl?
809
00:41:01,527 --> 00:41:04,360
Will you stop frogmarching me about?
810
00:41:06,607 --> 00:41:07,642
Oh
811
00:41:07,727 --> 00:41:09,365
Sandy, I love you
812
00:41:09,447 --> 00:41:12,439
And I want you to marry me
and come to Canada with me
813
00:41:12,687 --> 00:41:13,676
Oh
814
00:41:14,207 --> 00:41:16,675
I don't say enough, you see
I mean to, but I don't,
815
00:41:16,767 --> 00:41:19,759
because when I do,
it generally comes out all wrong anyway
816
00:41:19,847 --> 00:41:21,246
I'm just a copper
817
00:41:21,847 --> 00:41:23,883
It's not enough to offer someone like you,
818
00:41:23,967 --> 00:41:28,006
but I've finally realised that's all I can offer
819
00:41:29,247 --> 00:41:32,000
The thought of being that far away without you,
820
00:41:32,087 --> 00:41:35,796
the thought of you not being in my life at all,
it's not on
821
00:41:36,247 --> 00:41:37,362
It's not on
822
00:41:37,447 --> 00:41:41,884
Sandy, you've got to marry me
and you've got to come to Canada with me, and
823
00:41:43,287 --> 00:41:45,039
Well, that's it, really
824
00:41:46,727 --> 00:41:50,766
For somebody who doesn't say enough,
you did rather well
825
00:41:52,327 --> 00:41:55,763
- So?
- That is a yes, by the way
826
00:41:58,327 --> 00:42:02,957
Those whom God has joined together
let no one put asunder
827
00:42:11,727 --> 00:42:13,718
Cheese!
828
00:42:16,047 --> 00:42:19,722
- Oh, lovely lunch, Lionel Thank you
- All part of the friendly service
829
00:42:19,807 --> 00:42:23,880
- What was that main course called again?
- Olivia de Havilland
830
00:42:23,967 --> 00:42:26,686
- Olivia de Havilland?
- What?
831
00:42:27,807 --> 00:42:30,401
The main course
was not called Olivia de Havilland
832
00:42:30,487 --> 00:42:33,001
I know It was beef something
833
00:42:33,087 --> 00:42:34,725
Why did you say Olivia de Havilland?
834
00:42:34,807 --> 00:42:37,560
Because that was the name of the actress
we were trying to remember at lunch
835
00:42:37,647 --> 00:42:39,080
And it suddenly came to me
836
00:42:39,167 --> 00:42:41,761
But I asked you what the main course was called
837
00:42:41,847 --> 00:42:44,361
- Yeah, I was coming to that
- Oh
838
00:42:44,887 --> 00:42:46,479
What a relief
839
00:42:46,567 --> 00:42:49,286
Yes Nothing like a sit-down after lunch
840
00:42:49,367 --> 00:42:52,165
No, I meant a relief that you heard the question
841
00:42:52,447 --> 00:42:54,836
I didn't think you'd heard the question
842
00:42:55,847 --> 00:42:58,486
- Pardon?
- Oh, please, don't start
843
00:42:58,567 --> 00:43:00,637
I can't go through all that again
844
00:43:00,727 --> 00:43:03,878
- Oh, I got some sausages
- That's nice
845
00:43:04,127 --> 00:43:05,355
You haven't looked at them yet
846
00:43:05,447 --> 00:43:07,438
No, I said, "That's nice"
847
00:43:07,527 --> 00:43:08,642
Oh
848
00:43:09,327 --> 00:43:11,795
Lionel, I think you're getting a bit deaf
849
00:43:13,247 --> 00:43:14,646
Pardon?
850
00:43:16,367 --> 00:43:17,641
Hi, Li
851
00:43:17,727 --> 00:43:19,080
Sorry, I forgot my key
852
00:43:19,167 --> 00:43:21,044
That's all right Hello, Alistair
853
00:43:21,127 --> 00:43:23,243
Li, could we have a word?
854
00:43:23,407 --> 00:43:26,683
Yes, if we must Come through
855
00:43:29,607 --> 00:43:31,325
Is Mum in the kitchen?
856
00:43:32,367 --> 00:43:33,800
Sit down, Alistair
857
00:43:38,847 --> 00:43:40,075
Thanks
858
00:43:40,487 --> 00:43:43,479
Well, this word
859
00:43:44,447 --> 00:43:46,119
Oh, right
860
00:43:46,927 --> 00:43:48,485
First of all, Li,
861
00:43:48,567 --> 00:43:49,966
I love you
862
00:43:51,487 --> 00:43:54,047
I do wish you wouldn't say things like that
863
00:43:55,607 --> 00:43:58,440
Okay, but it's said and it was meant
864
00:43:58,807 --> 00:44:01,241
Is there something wrong with your mouth?
865
00:44:01,807 --> 00:44:04,321
No Why?
866
00:44:05,007 --> 00:44:06,122
Because when you talk,
867
00:44:06,207 --> 00:44:09,438
your jaw keeps wobbling about
and you're shouting as well
868
00:44:09,527 --> 00:44:10,960
- Am I?
- Mmm
869
00:44:11,927 --> 00:44:12,916
Sorry
870
00:44:14,007 --> 00:44:16,441
- Is that better?
- Yes, that's fine
871
00:44:17,527 --> 00:44:19,802
Mind you, we are sitting quite close together
872
00:44:19,887 --> 00:44:22,959
As long as we don't sit unnaturally close,
I don't mind
873
00:44:23,687 --> 00:44:25,837
Okay Good
874
00:44:26,807 --> 00:44:28,126
Right, here goes
875
00:44:29,447 --> 00:44:31,915
Li, I am aware of a problem
876
00:44:32,727 --> 00:44:34,638
You've noticed, then
877
00:44:34,727 --> 00:44:38,083
No, I can't honestly say I have,
because I haven't been around too much lately,
878
00:44:38,167 --> 00:44:40,920
but Judy has and she tells me that Sandy has, too
879
00:44:41,007 --> 00:44:43,157
I think we might be needing this
880
00:44:43,527 --> 00:44:45,085
That was Alistair on the phone
881
00:44:45,167 --> 00:44:49,206
He finally got around to telling Lionel
and he's just stormed out of the pub
882
00:44:49,287 --> 00:44:50,561
Oh
883
00:44:51,367 --> 00:44:53,642
Oh, look, come on He's not violent, is he?
884
00:44:53,727 --> 00:44:55,080
Not so far, no
885
00:44:55,167 --> 00:44:56,566
Look, you two go
886
00:44:56,647 --> 00:44:58,478
There's no point in three of us getting bashed up
887
00:44:58,567 --> 00:45:01,639
No, we'll stay Have you never heard of girl power?
888
00:45:01,727 --> 00:45:03,797
Yes, I've heard of it
In our days it was called flirting
889
00:45:05,007 --> 00:45:07,316
He doesn't sound in a very flirty mood
890
00:45:08,487 --> 00:45:10,239
Hello, Lionel
891
00:45:16,447 --> 00:45:18,563
Do you know what that fool in the pub
has just told me?
892
00:45:18,647 --> 00:45:20,205
No
893
00:45:20,287 --> 00:45:23,085
Oh, yes, you do You're all in on it, aren't you?
894
00:45:23,327 --> 00:45:25,443
Well, let me tell you something I am not a boy
895
00:45:25,527 --> 00:45:26,846
- Look, nobody said
- May I finish?
896
00:45:26,927 --> 00:45:27,916
Sorry
897
00:45:28,127 --> 00:45:29,879
And because I am not a boy,
898
00:45:30,247 --> 00:45:33,000
my knees crack if I stand up too quickly,
899
00:45:33,087 --> 00:45:35,317
I've been known to doze off
in front of the television
900
00:45:35,407 --> 00:45:39,446
and, believe it or not,
I admit to missing the odd word in a conversation
901
00:45:39,527 --> 00:45:41,836
But I am not ready for an ear trumpet yet
902
00:45:41,927 --> 00:45:45,556
- Have you finished?
- For the moment, yes
903
00:45:45,647 --> 00:45:47,956
Well, firstly, no one said anything
about an ear trumpet
904
00:45:48,047 --> 00:45:50,686
Secondly, you are not missing the odd word,
905
00:45:50,767 --> 00:45:53,565
you are missing more and more words
all the time
906
00:45:53,647 --> 00:45:56,115
- Rubbish
- No, Mum's right, Lionel
907
00:45:56,247 --> 00:45:58,124
This morning when I asked you
if Mum was in the kitchen,
908
00:45:58,207 --> 00:45:59,640
you didn't even answer me
909
00:45:59,727 --> 00:46:01,206
That's 'cause I didn't know
910
00:46:01,287 --> 00:46:03,164
Well, what about when I came in last night?
911
00:46:03,247 --> 00:46:06,922
I said, "I've been to a rugby match"
And you said, "Yes, I did England won"
912
00:46:07,007 --> 00:46:08,804
- Well, they did
- Oh, really
913
00:46:09,447 --> 00:46:12,803
Look, before we start "oh-really-ing",
consider this
914
00:46:13,447 --> 00:46:17,565
I think that all three of you
have got unnaturally soft voices
915
00:46:17,647 --> 00:46:20,286
- Oh, for God's sake!
- Yes, you have
916
00:46:21,367 --> 00:46:24,643
It's a wonder I hear anything at all
with you whispering all the time
917
00:46:24,727 --> 00:46:27,116
- Oh, really
- You're doing it again
918
00:46:27,207 --> 00:46:28,196
Well, really
919
00:46:28,287 --> 00:46:30,881
All right, what about when you're here
on your own, watching television?
920
00:46:30,967 --> 00:46:33,003
You have the sound up full blast
921
00:46:33,087 --> 00:46:34,202
That's the BBC's fault
922
00:46:34,287 --> 00:46:36,676
The sound level's never the same
for two programmes running
923
00:46:36,767 --> 00:46:40,123
Lionel, just stop making silly excuses
and face up to facts
924
00:46:40,247 --> 00:46:44,718
You're making it sound like an accusation
We all care about you and we want to help
925
00:46:44,807 --> 00:46:47,879
There's simply no point
turning a blind eye to your hearing
926
00:46:47,967 --> 00:46:49,639
Is that a mixed metaphor?
927
00:46:50,767 --> 00:46:53,327
I know what it is You know and I know
928
00:46:54,927 --> 00:46:57,805
Consider this Consider this
929
00:46:58,607 --> 00:47:00,438
If I'm supposed to be getting deaf,
930
00:47:00,527 --> 00:47:03,837
why are we having a conversation in which,
despite your soft voices,
931
00:47:03,927 --> 00:47:05,804
I have heard every word that you've said?
932
00:47:05,887 --> 00:47:08,606
It could have something to do with the fact
that not one of us
933
00:47:08,687 --> 00:47:10,245
is more than four feet away from you
934
00:47:10,327 --> 00:47:14,479
Exactly Judy, stand over there
Sandy, stand over here
935
00:47:14,567 --> 00:47:16,683
- Oh, really
- Oh, don't you start
936
00:47:17,407 --> 00:47:20,080
- Now, Judy, say something
- What? Say what?
937
00:47:20,167 --> 00:47:22,158
I don't know Just say anything
938
00:47:27,007 --> 00:47:29,885
- All right, I didn't hear it
- Nor did I, actually
939
00:47:31,607 --> 00:47:33,040
Something about this afternoon?
940
00:47:33,127 --> 00:47:34,685
I just said, I think it might rain this afternoon
941
00:47:34,767 --> 00:47:36,997
Yes, well, say it in a normal voice
I didn't ask you to whisper
942
00:47:37,087 --> 00:47:39,282
- I think it might rain this afternoon
- No, you've already said that
943
00:47:39,367 --> 00:47:41,676
- Well, then, we'll get Sandy to say something
- Well, Sandy
944
00:47:41,767 --> 00:47:45,316
Erm Why do rugby club dancers get boisterous?
945
00:47:46,807 --> 00:47:48,001
Well?
946
00:47:48,887 --> 00:47:50,525
Something about oysters?
947
00:47:52,327 --> 00:47:53,760
Boisterous
948
00:47:53,847 --> 00:47:56,361
- Well, she whispered as well
- I did not
949
00:47:56,447 --> 00:47:59,166
- I heard every word she said
- Oysters
950
00:47:59,247 --> 00:48:01,602
Oh, very well, then Now, you sit there
951
00:48:01,687 --> 00:48:03,882
- Just sit down there
- Yes, all right, all right
952
00:48:03,967 --> 00:48:06,481
Now No, no glasses
953
00:48:06,567 --> 00:48:09,161
Now, what card am I holding up?
954
00:48:12,087 --> 00:48:13,964
Well, I don't know, it's facing you
955
00:48:14,047 --> 00:48:16,481
Oh, sorry Right, go on, then
956
00:48:16,847 --> 00:48:20,396
Er, the, er The eight of
957
00:48:21,207 --> 00:48:23,038
Right This one
958
00:48:23,127 --> 00:48:25,277
- Queen of hearts
- Wrong, the king of hearts
959
00:48:25,367 --> 00:48:28,040
- Ah, but she did get the right suit
- Right
960
00:48:28,127 --> 00:48:30,038
Which is clearer, the black or the red?
961
00:48:30,127 --> 00:48:32,846
- Oh, this is absurd
- Well, of course it's absurd
962
00:48:32,927 --> 00:48:35,725
You don't test someone's hearing
by whispering in the corners of the room
963
00:48:35,807 --> 00:48:39,117
any more than you test someone's eyesight
by waving playing cards about
964
00:48:39,207 --> 00:48:41,880
Exactly, which is why although
I didn't even volunteer for it,
965
00:48:41,967 --> 00:48:45,880
I shall be keeping my appointment
with the eye specialist in the morning
966
00:48:46,327 --> 00:48:47,885
Now, come on, Lionel
967
00:48:48,447 --> 00:48:49,800
See sense
968
00:48:51,407 --> 00:48:53,318
I'm not having an ear trumpet
969
00:48:54,847 --> 00:48:56,519
How did it go?
970
00:48:56,887 --> 00:48:58,764
Oh, how did it go for you?
971
00:48:58,847 --> 00:49:01,281
Oh, fine, apart from paying his fee
972
00:49:01,367 --> 00:49:03,927
You know, it's just a minor alteration
to the prescription, that's all
973
00:49:04,007 --> 00:49:05,326
Otherwise my eyesight's fine
974
00:49:05,407 --> 00:49:07,716
Good So is my hearing
975
00:49:08,287 --> 00:49:10,926
- Oh, you did go and have your ears tested
- Yes
976
00:49:11,007 --> 00:49:13,157
There was a small problem, but it's fixed
977
00:49:13,247 --> 00:49:15,681
Oh, thank goodness
978
00:49:23,247 --> 00:49:24,965
It's remarkable, isn't it?
979
00:49:25,487 --> 00:49:26,761
You can't see it at all
980
00:49:26,847 --> 00:49:29,077
- See what?
- Well, your hearing aid
981
00:49:29,287 --> 00:49:32,643
- I'm not wearing a hearing aid
- Well, what was the small problem?
982
00:49:32,727 --> 00:49:33,842
Wax
983
00:49:35,287 --> 00:49:39,280
A build-up of wax in the ears,
but I had it syringed Now everything's fine
984
00:49:39,727 --> 00:49:41,922
- Did it hurt?
- No
985
00:49:42,007 --> 00:49:44,805
A bit like having a head full of water
but, you know, it worked
986
00:49:44,887 --> 00:49:47,321
- And that's all that matters
- I was worried
987
00:49:47,407 --> 00:49:51,195
Yes, I know
I'm sorry I wasn't my usual grownup self about it
988
00:49:51,367 --> 00:49:53,676
- Was there a lot of wax?
- Yes, quite a lot
989
00:49:53,767 --> 00:49:55,723
They gave it to me as a souvenir
990
00:49:57,887 --> 00:49:59,206
Oh
991
00:49:59,607 --> 00:50:02,519
And I got some more
of those nice sausages as well
992
00:50:04,567 --> 00:50:05,682
They're in here
993
00:50:06,807 --> 00:50:09,560
You know, it still seems funny cooking for two
994
00:50:10,127 --> 00:50:12,436
- You still miss the girls, don't you?
- Sometimes
995
00:50:12,527 --> 00:50:14,438
- Don't you?
- No
996
00:50:15,007 --> 00:50:17,680
- Lionel
- Well, on balance, I mean
997
00:50:18,287 --> 00:50:21,199
They're both very sweet
but they do gum up the works from time to time
998
00:50:21,287 --> 00:50:22,959
What do you mean "gum up the works"?
999
00:50:23,047 --> 00:50:25,322
Well, take Casablanca.
1000
00:50:25,607 --> 00:50:26,676
The place?
1001
00:50:27,127 --> 00:50:28,685
- The film
- Oh
1002
00:50:30,007 --> 00:50:31,918
- "We'll always have Paris"
- Mmm
1003
00:50:32,567 --> 00:50:35,127
- You always cry when they sing the Marseillaise.
- Of course
1004
00:50:35,207 --> 00:50:38,165
Well, the last time that was on television,
1005
00:50:38,287 --> 00:50:41,518
that was a time for us
to be sitting together on the sofa
1006
00:50:41,607 --> 00:50:44,326
Me with my arm around you, passing the tissues
1007
00:50:44,687 --> 00:50:46,564
It didn't end like that, did it?
1008
00:50:46,647 --> 00:50:49,480
The three of you sniffling on the sofa,
there wasn't even room for me
1009
00:50:49,567 --> 00:50:52,081
- You fell asleep anyway
- That's irrelevant
1010
00:50:52,407 --> 00:50:57,083
The fact is, that should have been a time for me
to be alone with my girl
1011
00:50:57,167 --> 00:50:58,600
- Girl?
- Yes
1012
00:50:58,887 --> 00:51:00,764
Well, it's bound to be on television again
1013
00:51:00,847 --> 00:51:03,361
Well, if it is, I shan't be falling asleep
1014
00:51:03,727 --> 00:51:06,036
You were very sweet about the girls, you know
1015
00:51:06,127 --> 00:51:07,401
Very caring
1016
00:51:07,567 --> 00:51:10,240
A bit like walking through a minefield
sometimes, though
1017
00:51:10,327 --> 00:51:12,887
I mean, two pretty, young girls
1018
00:51:12,967 --> 00:51:15,561
walking around the house
with practically nothing on
1019
00:51:15,647 --> 00:51:17,956
- When?
- No, they didn't actually do it
1020
00:51:19,247 --> 00:51:20,805
They could have done
1021
00:51:20,887 --> 00:51:22,957
That's what I meant about the minefield
1022
00:51:23,047 --> 00:51:25,845
You did walk in on Sandy once
when she was in the bath
1023
00:51:25,927 --> 00:51:29,158
- That was the one mine I trod on
- Yes, you should have seen your face
1024
00:51:29,247 --> 00:51:31,522
You should have seen yours
after you'd had time to think about it
1025
00:51:33,567 --> 00:51:37,037
- You trying to get me drunk?
- I haven't tried that since I was very young
1026
00:51:37,127 --> 00:51:38,685
Really? What happened?
1027
00:51:39,127 --> 00:51:42,676
I plied her with Babycham
God, she could knock those back
1028
00:51:42,767 --> 00:51:44,325
And?
1029
00:51:44,407 --> 00:51:47,843
I tried to match her with my light ales
and got legless myself
1030
00:51:48,527 --> 00:51:49,846
The young Mr Smooth
1031
00:51:49,927 --> 00:51:52,487
Now, what was this earlier about you being a fool?
1032
00:51:52,567 --> 00:51:54,398
- Well, I am
- No, you're not
1033
00:51:55,007 --> 00:51:57,521
You're foolish sometimes, but never a fool
1034
00:51:57,967 --> 00:52:02,404
I know it's irrational, but I keep thinking
what would have happened if I'd been in the bath?
1035
00:52:02,487 --> 00:52:05,604
- What would you have done?
- Well, I'd have said hello
1036
00:52:06,287 --> 00:52:09,563
Then I'd have probably sat on the edge
of the bath and had a chat
1037
00:52:09,647 --> 00:52:11,922
- Yes, exactly
- Well, there's nothing wrong in that
1038
00:52:12,007 --> 00:52:15,238
No, I know But what if it had been years ago
when I was young?
1039
00:52:15,327 --> 00:52:18,399
I'd have torn all my clothes off
and jumped in with you
1040
00:52:19,727 --> 00:52:21,319
That's what I mean
1041
00:52:21,807 --> 00:52:25,243
Now, look,
I did not consider doing that with Sandy
1042
00:52:25,327 --> 00:52:26,885
No, I know you didn't
1043
00:52:28,167 --> 00:52:30,317
Sometimes I think we need a translator
1044
00:52:30,407 --> 00:52:33,001
No, we don't need a translator It's just me
1045
00:52:33,647 --> 00:52:35,205
I suppose I'm jealous
1046
00:52:35,527 --> 00:52:38,360
- I thought we just agreed
- Not of you, of Sandy
1047
00:52:38,967 --> 00:52:40,685
And Judy for that matter
1048
00:52:42,247 --> 00:52:44,477
I shan't say anything I'll just nod
1049
00:52:45,167 --> 00:52:46,202
No, but look at them
1050
00:52:46,287 --> 00:52:49,563
They're young and they're pretty
and they're here as a constant reminder
1051
00:52:49,647 --> 00:52:51,080
And you're here
1052
00:52:51,327 --> 00:52:53,443
And you're only a man, after all
1053
00:52:53,647 --> 00:52:55,319
I'm not nodding at that
1054
00:52:56,047 --> 00:52:59,562
- And what do you mean "only a man"?
- Well, don't tell me you never notice them
1055
00:52:59,647 --> 00:53:02,844
- Well, of course I notice them
- Well, there you are, then
1056
00:53:03,287 --> 00:53:04,845
There I am where?
1057
00:53:07,327 --> 00:53:09,966
Well, chuck them both out, then
1058
00:53:10,607 --> 00:53:13,405
- What?
- Well, I can't see any other solution
1059
00:53:13,487 --> 00:53:17,366
But we don't need a solution
'cause there isn't really a problem It's just me
1060
00:53:17,447 --> 00:53:22,601
Well, with the best will in the world,
I can't honestly say that you're young and pretty
1061
00:53:22,687 --> 00:53:25,759
- No, I know that
- But I think you're beautiful
1062
00:53:27,687 --> 00:53:30,042
- What?
- I said you're beautiful
1063
00:53:31,807 --> 00:53:34,719
Have you had a few of those light ales
before we started on the wine?
1064
00:53:34,807 --> 00:53:36,320
That's how I see you
1065
00:53:36,767 --> 00:53:39,759
You were beautiful when we met
and you always will be
1066
00:53:39,847 --> 00:53:42,441
It's nothing to do with a few wrinkles
and an extra pound or two
1067
00:53:42,527 --> 00:53:43,755
Or two?
1068
00:53:45,207 --> 00:53:47,596
It's what you are, it's
1069
00:53:47,967 --> 00:53:49,685
It's what you mean
1070
00:53:51,687 --> 00:53:53,917
I'm not putting this very well, am I?
1071
00:53:55,047 --> 00:53:57,003
Oh, it'll do very well, Lionel
1072
00:53:59,167 --> 00:54:00,725
It'll do very well
1073
00:54:02,407 --> 00:54:04,284
I think we'll leave the washing up
1074
00:54:04,367 --> 00:54:06,722
I was just going to suggest that myself
1075
00:54:13,807 --> 00:54:15,877
So, how often am I foolish?
1076
00:54:19,127 --> 00:54:22,961
- I thought you might like these
- Oh, thank you
1077
00:54:23,327 --> 00:54:24,919
- Why?
- To make notes
1078
00:54:25,447 --> 00:54:26,436
Oh
1079
00:54:27,767 --> 00:54:31,203
Jean is just about to get into bed
1080
00:54:31,287 --> 00:54:34,404
Yes, here she comes now
1081
00:54:34,487 --> 00:54:37,479
- I meant notes about the book
- Yes, I rather thought you did
1082
00:54:37,567 --> 00:54:38,556
Well?
1083
00:54:39,527 --> 00:54:41,836
I'll draw you a picture of a rabbit instead
1084
00:54:41,927 --> 00:54:45,044
- You haven't even considered it, have you?
- Yes, I have
1085
00:54:45,127 --> 00:54:48,403
I couldn't have done anything else
with you going on about it all day
1086
00:54:48,487 --> 00:54:52,002
So consider the idea considered and rejected
We are not a book
1087
00:54:52,167 --> 00:54:56,524
We're not even a paragraph
We are just Mr and Mrs Hardcastle
1088
00:54:56,607 --> 00:54:59,565
Well, I still think it's been an interesting story
1089
00:54:59,687 --> 00:55:02,247
Of course it has But to us
1090
00:55:02,327 --> 00:55:06,320
Because we're the actualcombatants
1091
00:55:06,687 --> 00:55:09,155
- Combatants?
- Participants
1092
00:55:09,607 --> 00:55:12,201
So let's just keep it to ourselves, shall we?
1093
00:55:13,207 --> 00:55:16,358
You know, meeting again after all those years,
1094
00:55:17,247 --> 00:55:19,203
we were very lucky, weren't we?
1095
00:55:19,327 --> 00:55:20,965
We got a second chance
1096
00:55:22,447 --> 00:55:24,358
Some people never get a first
1097
00:55:28,167 --> 00:55:29,600
I love you, Lionel
1098
00:55:30,367 --> 00:55:32,756
Just as well 'Cause I love you, too
1099
00:55:38,567 --> 00:55:41,206
If you repeat this, I shall say I was drunk
1100
00:55:42,127 --> 00:55:44,595
But I'm glad you're back in my life again
1101
00:55:45,207 --> 00:55:47,675
You are back in my life again, aren't you?
1102
00:55:48,247 --> 00:55:49,999
I seem to be, yes
1103
00:55:50,847 --> 00:55:52,599
Nice to have a friend
1104
00:55:53,607 --> 00:55:54,596
Yes
1105
00:55:55,687 --> 00:55:57,439
It's nice to have a friend
1106
00:56:02,287 --> 00:56:03,720
What are you doing?
1107
00:56:03,927 --> 00:56:06,680
- I'm giving you a friendly kiss
- Oh
1108
00:56:19,687 --> 00:56:21,120
Oh, damn and blast
1109
00:56:22,287 --> 00:56:23,515
What now?
1110
00:56:25,247 --> 00:56:26,441
I need a pee
1111
00:56:31,487 --> 00:56:32,681
Oh
1112
00:56:37,207 --> 00:56:38,276
It's The Last Waltz.
1113
00:56:39,687 --> 00:56:43,202
I don't suppose
you have the strength to totter around, have you?
1114
00:56:43,767 --> 00:56:45,485
I thought you'd never ask
1115
00:56:57,687 --> 00:57:00,360
# You must remember this
1116
00:57:00,447 --> 00:57:02,836
#A kiss is still a kiss
1117
00:57:03,087 --> 00:57:06,284
#A sigh is just a sigh
1118
00:57:08,607 --> 00:57:12,156
# The fundamental things apply
1119
00:57:12,247 --> 00:57:15,762
#As time goes by
1120
00:57:19,567 --> 00:57:21,956
#And when two lovers woo
1121
00:57:22,047 --> 00:57:24,845
# They still say, "I love you"
1122
00:57:24,927 --> 00:57:27,760
# On that you can rely
1123
00:57:30,447 --> 00:57:34,679
# The world will always welcome lovers
1124
00:57:36,167 --> 00:57:42,686
#As time goes by #
86787
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