Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,958 --> 00:00:03,525
2
00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:08,008
Class, meet our new student,
Snot Lonstein!
3
00:00:08,138 --> 00:00:09,226
Now, don't treat him
any differently
4
00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:11,446
because he's Jewish
and poor,
5
00:00:11,576 --> 00:00:14,971
or because his thirsty mom
gave me big skank vibes.
6
00:00:15,102 --> 00:00:15,928
Okay?
7
00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:17,104
Go sit down, honey.
8
00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:19,106
I'm also allergic
to nuts.
9
00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:21,717
Well, lucky for you,
you clearly don't have any.
10
00:00:21,847 --> 00:00:25,503
I mean, the wayI'm just dunkin' on you up here.
11
00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:26,983
TEACHER: Everybody,
take out pencils
12
00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:29,377
and practice your letters!
13
00:00:35,992 --> 00:00:37,733
Whoa, you can't even
afford a penthil?
14
00:00:37,863 --> 00:00:39,213
My grandma has one.
15
00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:41,258
I'm supposed to get it
when she dies.
16
00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:44,131
But I'm good --
Mine never runs out of ink.
17
00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:47,264
Well, if it does,
I have bigger problems.
18
00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:48,352
You can have
one of mine.
19
00:00:48,483 --> 00:00:50,137
-Thanks!
-I got you, pal.
20
00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:51,181
From here on out,
21
00:00:51,312 --> 00:00:53,053
it's gonna be
you and me forever.
22
00:00:53,183 --> 00:00:56,317
Wow, that's a weird thing to sayto someone you've just met,
23
00:00:56,447 --> 00:00:58,841
but thanks again!
24
00:00:58,971 --> 00:01:00,582
25
00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:01,800
Thanks.
26
00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:03,367
I blew most of my tokens
on Skee-ball.
27
00:01:03,498 --> 00:01:05,152
And the rest were
taken from me at gunpoint
28
00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:06,109
in the men's room.
29
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,284
I got you, pal.
30
00:01:07,415 --> 00:01:08,981
Hey,
need any Steve Bucks?
31
00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:10,505
Check out the sick
new re-design.
32
00:01:10,635 --> 00:01:11,810
Oh!
33
00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:15,075
You fixed that typo that said,
"In Steve We Thrust."
34
00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:16,076
Yep!
35
00:01:16,206 --> 00:01:18,513
And, as always,
you can trade these in
36
00:01:18,643 --> 00:01:21,733
for whatever you need from me --food, cash,
37
00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:25,737
some of those Glade plug-insyou like to pass off as cologne.
38
00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:26,738
Thanks.
39
00:01:26,869 --> 00:01:28,436
A little dab of
"Hawaiian Breeze"
40
00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:30,525
behind my ear
not only smells great,
41
00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:34,224
it's also the closest
I'll ever get to the Caribbean.
42
00:01:34,355 --> 00:01:36,008
Hey, want to kick my ass
at Frogger?
43
00:01:36,139 --> 00:01:37,009
Can't.
44
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:38,315
My mom asked me
to pick up dinner,
45
00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:40,100
so I got to hit up
Burrito Barn.
46
00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:41,797
If I throw up
on the salad bar,
47
00:01:41,927 --> 00:01:44,365
they usuallytoss it
all in the dumpster.
48
00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:47,846
Then it's just me
versus the crows.
49
00:01:47,977 --> 00:01:49,848
Well, I don't want to step on
your dinner plans,
50
00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:51,850
but why don't you guys
come eat at our house?
51
00:01:51,981 --> 00:01:54,375
Like in the basement?
From a trough?
52
00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:56,594
No, at the kitchen table
with us.
53
00:01:56,725 --> 00:01:59,119
Like the family on the TV show
Dinosaurs?
54
00:01:59,249 --> 00:02:00,772
No way!
55
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,603
56
00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:08,258
Good morning, U.S.A.
57
00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:12,262
I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day
58
00:02:12,393 --> 00:02:15,135
The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face
59
00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:19,661
And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race
60
00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:24,709
Oh, boy, it's swell to say
61
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,277
- Good --
- Good morning, U.S.A.
62
00:02:27,408 --> 00:02:28,409
Aah!
63
00:02:29,888 --> 00:02:32,891
Good morning, U.S.A.
64
00:02:33,109 --> 00:02:35,372
65
00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:38,288
I gotta say Francine,
your salad dressing is amazing.
66
00:02:38,419 --> 00:02:40,072
I can't stop eating it!
67
00:02:40,203 --> 00:02:42,074
I don't even care if it goes
straight to my ass!
68
00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:44,164
So sweet of you
to say that.
69
00:02:44,294 --> 00:02:46,818
My mom makes everything
from scratch.
70
00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:48,124
Come on, eat up!
71
00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:49,517
I'm actually pretty good,
Steve.
72
00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:51,823
Right.
A to-go plate.
73
00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:53,216
Hearts of palm,
74
00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:54,696
fruit leather --
75
00:02:54,826 --> 00:02:56,611
How you doing on Easter egg
coloring kits?
76
00:02:56,741 --> 00:02:58,178
Steve, I don't think
they need --
77
00:02:58,308 --> 00:02:59,483
STEVE:
Mom, don't make this weird!
78
00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:00,528
They have nothing!
79
00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:01,964
[rustling]
80
00:03:02,094 --> 00:03:04,314
So...Esther,
81
00:03:04,445 --> 00:03:07,404
Steve says Snot's birthday
is coming up.
82
00:03:07,535 --> 00:03:08,623
Where da party at?
83
00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:10,755
Probably Pervert Park --
it's always empty.
84
00:03:10,886 --> 00:03:13,193
Except for the pervs.
But it's free!
85
00:03:13,323 --> 00:03:16,544
Although, with the pervs
comes an emotional price.
86
00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:19,373
Nonsense.
Have your party here.
87
00:03:19,503 --> 00:03:22,245
We have a pool, a barbecue,
almost no pervs.
88
00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:24,247
KLAUS: Almost!
89
00:03:24,378 --> 00:03:27,076
-Thanks, Steve.
-Please.
90
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,730
You would do
the same thing for me
91
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:31,994
if the Salvation Army shoe were
on the other foot.
92
00:03:32,124 --> 00:03:34,301
93
00:03:34,431 --> 00:03:36,738
[sighing] Ahh!
Orange Julius.
94
00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:38,435
Proof God loves us.
95
00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:39,871
Hey, Roger,
where'd you get that?
96
00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:41,351
Secret menu, baby.
97
00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:46,008
Go to any Orange Julius and ask
for it "Julius Style,"
98
00:03:46,138 --> 00:03:48,576
and they'll just give you
a big bowl of chicken gizzards.
99
00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:50,534
Have you ever
considered modeling?
100
00:03:50,665 --> 00:03:52,493
-Every day.
-I think you all
101
00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:55,713
have what it takes
to be models.
102
00:03:55,844 --> 00:03:58,107
Mall fashion show?
What a joke.
103
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,369
-[laughter]
-KLAUS: Oh, this is incredible.
104
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,371
-This is so incredible
-Whoo!
105
00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:02,938
Jeff is excited!
106
00:04:03,068 --> 00:04:03,982
You guys are idiots.
107
00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:05,375
Those are just flyers
108
00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:06,942
for a lame mall
fashion show.
109
00:04:07,072 --> 00:04:08,813
I'm gonna be
a super model.
110
00:04:08,944 --> 00:04:10,250
Aah! What the hell?!
111
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:11,816
Is anyone else
seeing this?
112
00:04:11,947 --> 00:04:17,561
113
00:04:17,735 --> 00:04:23,524
114
00:04:23,654 --> 00:04:24,568
-Aah!
-[grunts]
115
00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:26,962
-[thuds]
-[groaning]
116
00:04:27,092 --> 00:04:28,485
[grunting]
There's no room!
117
00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:31,619
Th-There's no --
It doesn't work that way.
118
00:04:31,749 --> 00:04:33,490
[splash]
119
00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:35,405
You almost killed me!
120
00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:37,146
Now slap this
out of my hand.
121
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,279
-Why?
-Models can't drink this stuff.
122
00:04:39,409 --> 00:04:41,498
We're gonna be
on strict diets.
123
00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:43,979
Riiiight after this.
124
00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:47,461
[gulps] Ahh.
125
00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:48,549
[burps]
126
00:04:48,679 --> 00:04:50,290
Now we're models.
127
00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:55,033
128
00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:57,340
I just want to be a single dad
with a cush job
129
00:04:57,471 --> 00:04:58,863
selling live bait.
130
00:04:58,994 --> 00:05:00,822
What?
Oh, sorry, Barry.
131
00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:02,954
I just can't get over
Snot's pants.
132
00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:06,044
-[game beeps]
-BARRY: They really showcase
that poppin' apple bottom.
133
00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:09,178
No. How did he suddenly
afford new pants?
134
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,093
I hope he's not
camming again.
135
00:05:11,223 --> 00:05:12,877
Although,
he is very good at it.
136
00:05:13,008 --> 00:05:15,576
SNOT: Ugh!
You beat me again!
137
00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:17,317
Oh, game over, huh?
138
00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:18,622
Need some Steve Bucks?
139
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:21,277
Nah, I'm good.
But I am hungry.
140
00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:24,976
Let's get some pizza.
On me.
141
00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:26,804
Snot never pays
for pizza.
142
00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:28,415
Where is all this money
coming from?
143
00:05:28,545 --> 00:05:30,982
Who cares?
Just be happy for him.
144
00:05:31,113 --> 00:05:32,506
Oh, sure.
Absolutely.
145
00:05:32,636 --> 00:05:34,377
No one's rooting for that guy
more than me.
146
00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:36,118
But what the hell?
147
00:05:36,248 --> 00:05:38,468
Could we maybe just sit
in silence, Steve?
148
00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:41,428
I have a ripping headache,
we're talking in circles,
149
00:05:41,558 --> 00:05:45,649
and I just really want to focus
on waiting for the pizza.
150
00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:49,697
Wow, two large
Wallet Busters?
151
00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:51,394
And here are some tubs
of our delicious
152
00:05:51,525 --> 00:05:53,004
new dipping sauce.
153
00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:54,397
I'm sorry, Mr. Snot.
154
00:05:54,528 --> 00:05:57,400
I'm a really big fan
of your mom's sauce.
155
00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:59,359
Would you mind giving me
your autograph?
156
00:05:59,489 --> 00:06:00,577
Sure.
157
00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:02,449
Might as well
get used to it.
158
00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:04,799
[pen scribbles]
159
00:06:04,929 --> 00:06:07,279
"Snot's Mom's
Mom Sauce?"
160
00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:08,368
Yes!
161
00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:11,283
Finally,
a big get for Carl!
162
00:06:11,414 --> 00:06:14,504
I quit, Danny!
I'll see your ass in hell!
163
00:06:14,635 --> 00:06:15,592
What's going on, Snot?
164
00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:17,377
Ugh, guys,
can we please
165
00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:19,422
not make a big deal
out of this?
166
00:06:19,553 --> 00:06:21,032
We're loaded!
167
00:06:21,163 --> 00:06:23,470
My mom started selling
her own dressing,
168
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,385
and Pizza Overlord
is using it
169
00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:29,911
as their new dipping sauce
in every location!
170
00:06:32,522 --> 00:06:34,655
No, no, mine.
171
00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:39,442
Hmm.
172
00:06:39,573 --> 00:06:41,749
It's just like
my mom's dressing.
173
00:06:41,879 --> 00:06:44,316
This is my mom's
dressing!
174
00:06:44,447 --> 00:06:45,927
Yeah.
It's my mom's take on it.
175
00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:47,624
[laughs]
Okay.
176
00:06:47,755 --> 00:06:52,368
A-And I guess "Ice Ice Baby"
is just Vanilla Ice's take
177
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:53,848
on Queen's
"Under Pressure"?
178
00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:56,764
Yeah. My mom took something
and made it better,
179
00:06:56,894 --> 00:06:58,548
just like
Vanilla Ice did.
180
00:06:58,679 --> 00:07:02,552
Well, Mr. A1A,
Mr. Beachfront Avenue,
181
00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:05,860
this dressing your mom made is
no "brand-new invention."
182
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:07,601
Yay!
183
00:07:07,731 --> 00:07:11,126
Now work in the line
"grab a hold of me tightly."
184
00:07:11,256 --> 00:07:13,911
Look, all I know is,
things are going well for us,
185
00:07:14,042 --> 00:07:16,436
and I won't have to mooch
off of you anymore.
186
00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:19,917
In fact, you can have
all your Steve Bucks back!
187
00:07:20,048 --> 00:07:21,745
Oh, now you
don't need me
188
00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:24,313
because yourmom stole
mymom's dressing?
189
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,228
Ha! That's really
great, Snot.
190
00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:31,407
So...logistically,
how do those Steve Bucks work?
191
00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:34,236
Do you give them back to him
in exchange for money?
192
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:37,021
Couldn't he just give you
the money in the first place?
193
00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:38,936
You know what?
It's not my business.
194
00:07:41,896 --> 00:07:44,464
PRINCIPAL LEWIS:
Listen up, fools!
195
00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:46,901
It's Taco Tuesday,
and Snot Lonstein is no longer
196
00:07:47,031 --> 00:07:48,685
the poorest person in school.
197
00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:51,166
Let's give it up for Mr. Ames,
198
00:07:51,296 --> 00:07:52,559
the math teacher.
199
00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:54,474
Don't you look at me,
you bitch.
200
00:07:54,604 --> 00:07:57,477
One plus one equals...
you poor.
201
00:07:57,607 --> 00:07:58,956
Where is Snot?
202
00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:01,132
Probably at home crying,
trying to write me
203
00:08:01,263 --> 00:08:02,699
an apology letter,
feeling all --
204
00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:03,700
Whoa!
205
00:08:03,831 --> 00:08:05,485
Jewish Jaden Smith!
206
00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:06,921
[hover-board whirs]
207
00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:09,576
-I love your mom's sauce!
-[camera shutter clicks]
208
00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:12,230
Oh, if it isn't
the little sauce prince.
209
00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:14,624
Surprised you're not at home,
covered in sauce,
210
00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:15,625
making out
with your mom.
211
00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:17,453
Oh, you're still
hung up on that?
212
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:19,368
Yeah, I'm still
hung up on it.
213
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,717
I'm also thinking
about hanging up
214
00:08:20,848 --> 00:08:22,719
my birthday party
planning apron.
215
00:08:22,850 --> 00:08:25,809
Oh, you thought I was still
having it at your house?
216
00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:27,289
No.
217
00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:29,596
We're recreating
the Bellagio fountains
218
00:08:29,726 --> 00:08:32,381
on the rooftop
of the Langley W. hotel.
219
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,470
But what about our plan
to use my house?
220
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:37,473
How about the guests
park on your lawn
221
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:40,389
and the shuttle bus drivers
can shit in your bathroom.
222
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,695
Does that work
for you?
223
00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:43,610
Snotter, what's up,
young bull?
224
00:08:43,740 --> 00:08:46,047
Is this little chicken head
giving you problems?
225
00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:47,657
Oh, hey, while I'm
looking out for you,
226
00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:49,441
can I borrow
your hover-board?
227
00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:51,661
Losing that
gout battle today.
228
00:08:51,792 --> 00:08:53,620
Keep it.
I got three more at home.
229
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:56,448
Yo-ho!
Check me out, skanks!
230
00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:59,060
Lewis is
ridin' dirty!
231
00:08:59,190 --> 00:09:01,541
[grunts]
232
00:09:01,671 --> 00:09:04,892
[muffled] I'm gonna
go over here now.
233
00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:10,550
234
00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:15,990
235
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:21,778
236
00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:24,694
Okay, I'll say it.
That was flawless.
237
00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:26,696
I don't know how
notto nail it.
238
00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:29,525
So easy to do things
when we're beautiful.
239
00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,571
If you guys are done sucking
each other off --
240
00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:33,616
which is, of course,
a huge part of modeling --
241
00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:36,706
I can tell you we're nowhere
near mall fashion show level.
242
00:09:36,837 --> 00:09:37,664
What do you know about it?
243
00:09:37,794 --> 00:09:39,535
I yank it
to Voguemagazine
244
00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:41,493
every day --
no days off!
245
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:43,931
[indistinct whispering]
246
00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:48,326
Okay, we agree.
You're the expert.
247
00:09:48,457 --> 00:09:51,765
[sighs] So, everyone,
great job barely eating.
248
00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:54,289
I think we deserve
a treat. Jeff?
249
00:09:54,419 --> 00:09:58,293
Snack wagon!
Laxatives and cotton balls.
250
00:09:58,423 --> 00:09:59,729
[scoffs]
I can't.
251
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,078
I had two cotton balls
today already.
252
00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:02,384
I'm disgusting.
253
00:10:02,514 --> 00:10:04,168
Roger, how do you
eat everything
254
00:10:04,299 --> 00:10:05,517
and not gain
any weight?
255
00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:08,782
Good genes, I guess.
Hashtag blessed.
256
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:13,656
[whispered]
Hashtag tapeworm.
257
00:10:13,787 --> 00:10:15,571
Focus!
258
00:10:15,702 --> 00:10:17,268
Sure, we're killing it
in this attic,
259
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:19,836
but we need to practice
working a crowd
260
00:10:19,967 --> 00:10:21,272
before our big gig
at the mall.
261
00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:23,927
They need to be discerning,
sophisticated...
262
00:10:24,058 --> 00:10:26,800
a crowd of
taste-makers.
263
00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:29,716
The Chimdale Used Jet-Ski Show
is this weekend.
264
00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:31,152
That...
265
00:10:31,282 --> 00:10:32,849
is what we are doing.
266
00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:34,416
267
00:10:34,546 --> 00:10:37,375
Who makes Mom Sauce?
268
00:10:37,506 --> 00:10:40,422
I make Mom Sauce!
269
00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:43,730
Snot's Mom's Mom Sauce
270
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:45,906
On vegetables
and pizza crust
271
00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:48,343
You'll love my mom's sauce.
272
00:10:48,473 --> 00:10:50,606
They do!
273
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,869
Snot's Mom's
Mom Sauce.
274
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,784
That name sucks
the big one!
275
00:10:54,915 --> 00:10:56,133
I think it's cute.
276
00:10:56,264 --> 00:10:59,833
Her mom name is Snot's Mom,
and as his mom,
277
00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:01,878
she's made this sauce
for everyone.
278
00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:03,663
It's a mom-friendly
sauce.
279
00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:05,795
Gah!
They stole your recipe.
280
00:11:05,926 --> 00:11:07,405
Why aren't you
more upset?
281
00:11:07,536 --> 00:11:10,191
Snot's mom didn't steal
anything from me.
282
00:11:10,321 --> 00:11:13,237
My salad dressing recipe?
283
00:11:13,368 --> 00:11:16,197
Sure, Esther!
Let me get my recipe book.
284
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:18,765
Ai-del-de, de, da-da
285
00:11:18,895 --> 00:11:21,245
Found my recipe card.
Ready?
286
00:11:21,376 --> 00:11:24,466
Partially hydrogenated oil...
287
00:11:24,596 --> 00:11:28,775
Of course I've never made
homemade dressing!
288
00:11:28,905 --> 00:11:30,385
Who has time
for that?
289
00:11:30,515 --> 00:11:33,693
I put in a full eight hours
of HGTV a day.
290
00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:36,870
All this time,
our family dressing was just
291
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,393
Newman's Own Ranch?
292
00:11:38,523 --> 00:11:40,482
But how --
I-I-I don't --
293
00:11:40,612 --> 00:11:43,659
Just let it go, Steve.
It's not our recipe.
294
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:45,879
The good news is,
you have nothing to be
295
00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:47,054
mad at Snot about.
296
00:11:47,184 --> 00:11:48,838
-[machine whirs]
-What the --
297
00:11:48,969 --> 00:11:50,971
My mom's homemade
window pane!
298
00:11:51,101 --> 00:11:53,713
Yeaaah, about that.
299
00:11:56,672 --> 00:11:58,500
MUSIC BOX VOICE:
Congratulations!
300
00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:03,244
You made the cut to Snot's
Bellagio bash at the W--
301
00:12:03,374 --> 00:12:05,942
[sniffs]
This isn't water at all.
302
00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:08,728
It's Glow by Jennifer Lopez.
303
00:12:08,858 --> 00:12:10,860
That's a nice touch.
304
00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:15,822
305
00:12:15,996 --> 00:12:19,608
Remember, we are here to learn
how to work a crowd.
306
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,263
So keep it tight,
but also very loose.
307
00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:23,481
Go!
308
00:12:23,612 --> 00:12:29,009
309
00:12:29,183 --> 00:12:34,797
310
00:12:34,928 --> 00:12:38,627
Now I know how scary it is
to be a record.
311
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,672
I wonder...
312
00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:46,722
My baby loves that
chicken noodle soup
313
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:48,768
Waitin' in long lines
314
00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:51,771
For that newly invented
chicken soup
315
00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:58,342
Got to get that sweet,
sweet, sweet sugary soup
316
00:12:58,473 --> 00:13:00,518
317
00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:02,912
-[engine revs]
-[people scream]
318
00:13:03,043 --> 00:13:05,915
I'm modeling!
319
00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:09,571
320
00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:10,920
[stomach growls]
321
00:13:11,051 --> 00:13:12,792
[groans]
322
00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:14,924
Work it, Stan!
323
00:13:15,055 --> 00:13:17,144
Make us want
to bang that thing!
324
00:13:17,274 --> 00:13:19,929
325
00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:21,975
Yes, yes!
326
00:13:22,105 --> 00:13:23,585
[all gasp]
327
00:13:23,715 --> 00:13:25,717
WOMAN: Sir, you can't
bang that Sea-Doo!
328
00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:27,328
[crowd exclaims]
329
00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:31,027
330
00:13:31,158 --> 00:13:34,465
Check it out!
I've got a hologram of Prince!
331
00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:37,904
Tiny, little
sexual guy
332
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:39,253
Uh!
333
00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:43,474
As you can see,
this party is pretty crunked.
334
00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:45,041
Steve!
335
00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:46,303
I'm glad you made it!
336
00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:48,088
Things were a little weird
the other day.
337
00:13:48,218 --> 00:13:49,741
I wasn't sure
you were coming.
338
00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:51,831
[chuckles] What?
I wouldn't miss this.
339
00:13:51,961 --> 00:13:53,006
[helicopter blades whir]
340
00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:54,834
341
00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:56,487
[people scream]
342
00:13:56,618 --> 00:13:57,749
What the hell?!
343
00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:59,795
[quietly]
Happy birthday.
344
00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:01,971
Nobody steals recipes
from Paul Newman
345
00:14:02,102 --> 00:14:03,059
and gets away with it.
346
00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:04,756
What?
Who are you?
347
00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:07,934
We're Newman's Own
Copyright Protection Unit.
348
00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:09,849
349
00:14:09,979 --> 00:14:11,894
[whirring continues]
350
00:14:12,025 --> 00:14:14,375
Where are you
taking my mom?!
351
00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:17,073
To Newman's Own
Women's Own Prison.
352
00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:18,858
Oh, no!
No, no, no.
353
00:14:18,988 --> 00:14:20,163
You -- You can't
take her!
354
00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:22,209
You're just supposed
to take her money.
355
00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:23,863
Her son has
no one else!
356
00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:25,560
One step
ahead of you.
357
00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:28,171
Child Protective Services?
Yeah, we got a pickup for you.
358
00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:30,086
No! Don't call them!
359
00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:32,175
360
00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:33,785
[sobbing] Mom!
361
00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:35,875
My Shmuley!
362
00:14:36,005 --> 00:14:39,139
Noooooo!
363
00:14:39,269 --> 00:14:43,012
Honey, are you
the abandoned child?
364
00:14:43,143 --> 00:14:45,101
I guess so.
365
00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:48,104
I haven't really had time
to process it.
366
00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:50,324
We are Child
Protective Services,
367
00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:53,022
and you need to get
on the ground!
368
00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:56,069
[gags]
Wait a minute.
369
00:14:56,199 --> 00:14:58,332
Are you
Lindsay Lohan?
370
00:14:58,462 --> 00:15:00,856
That's right.
Don't do drugs.
371
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:03,685
[gagging]
372
00:15:03,815 --> 00:15:05,817
373
00:15:05,948 --> 00:15:07,863
[tires screech]
374
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:09,865
What were you
thinking?!
375
00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:11,258
I didn't know
this would happen.
376
00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:13,564
I just wanted things
to go back to normal,
377
00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:16,480
when Snot was poor,
and he looked at me like a god.
378
00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:23,270
Hmm. Not sure I like the way
he feels in my arms.
379
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,360
Yeah, that's awkward as hell.
You're right, honey.
380
00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:27,927
We should do that
wine cellar instead.
381
00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:29,580
STEVE: We'll give
him a home.
382
00:15:29,711 --> 00:15:32,583
Steve!
What are you doing here?
383
00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:34,934
I told you,
it's you and me forever.
384
00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:37,501
Now come
to Stevie!
385
00:15:37,632 --> 00:15:39,068
Hmm.
386
00:15:39,199 --> 00:15:40,243
Let me just --
387
00:15:40,374 --> 00:15:42,854
Nope. Wow.
You are sort of awkward.
388
00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:44,508
H-Have you had
a scoliosis screening?
389
00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:46,946
Yep.
Got it bad.
390
00:15:47,076 --> 00:15:49,949
First off, thank you
for choosing adoption.
391
00:15:50,079 --> 00:15:51,298
Most couples,
392
00:15:51,428 --> 00:15:54,083
especially smoking-hot ones
like yourselves,
393
00:15:54,214 --> 00:15:56,259
insist on having
biological children.
394
00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:59,132
Um, we're not a couple.
I'm a child.
395
00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:01,917
You think that six
could bag this dime?
396
00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:04,050
Steve Smith...
397
00:16:04,180 --> 00:16:06,052
[gasps]
What a coincidence.
398
00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:07,967
Says here
you're the reason Snot's here
399
00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:09,707
-in the first place.
-What?
400
00:16:09,838 --> 00:16:12,710
Steve tipped off Newman's Own
about your mom's dressing.
401
00:16:12,841 --> 00:16:15,191
So they arrested her
and turned you over to us.
402
00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:16,976
I knew it.
403
00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:20,675
You couldn't stand seeing me
and my mom on top for once,
404
00:16:20,805 --> 00:16:24,548
so you made sure
we lost everything we ever had!
405
00:16:24,679 --> 00:16:27,203
That's not true!
A-And you still have me!
406
00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:29,118
You're dead to me.
407
00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:32,252
So...if you two
aren't dating,
408
00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:33,993
does that mean
you're single?
409
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:36,560
Who are you asking?
410
00:16:36,691 --> 00:16:38,998
Whoever wants
to answer.
411
00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:44,003
412
00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:46,918
I'm so sorry for everything,
Mrs. Lonstein.
413
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:49,051
I'm sure Snot told you
what happened.
414
00:16:49,182 --> 00:16:51,097
No. Is he okay?
415
00:16:51,227 --> 00:16:53,012
I used my phone time
to get on Loveline.
416
00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:56,189
Dr. Drew has amazing advice
on dating prison guards.
417
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:58,017
He says, "Do it.
Get some if you can."
418
00:16:58,147 --> 00:17:00,758
That's, uh...
good advice.
419
00:17:00,889 --> 00:17:02,064
[sobs]
420
00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:04,153
Are you okay?
421
00:17:04,284 --> 00:17:07,939
When I said I hadn't
talked to Snot,
422
00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:10,159
that was a little
bit of a fib.
423
00:17:10,290 --> 00:17:11,465
Ya dead, suckah!
424
00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:14,685
-[grunts]
-Cover the camera!
425
00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:16,035
You separated
this family!
426
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:17,384
And I'm gonna do
the same thing
427
00:17:17,514 --> 00:17:19,299
to your body
and your dick.
428
00:17:19,429 --> 00:17:20,909
Aah! Aah, aah!
429
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,041
-[shiv clatters]
-[groans]
430
00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:23,825
I need another shiv.
431
00:17:23,955 --> 00:17:26,523
Please, remember the oath
you took as a prison guard
432
00:17:26,654 --> 00:17:28,047
and protect my dick!
433
00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:30,614
You want this shiv,it's gonna cost you two bottles.
434
00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:32,529
[glass clinks]
435
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,183
What the hell
is that?
436
00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:36,968
Mrs. Lonstein's toilet wine.
Everybody loves it.
437
00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:38,796
You make wine
in a toilet?
438
00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:40,102
I do!
439
00:17:40,233 --> 00:17:43,192
I also make dark chocolate
in my underwear.
440
00:17:43,323 --> 00:17:44,933
That's just
a gross joke.
441
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,022
You got to laugh
to stay sane in here.
442
00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:49,633
By the way, the warden would
like a case of your toilet wine
443
00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:51,070
for his son's christening.
444
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,289
Yeah? Then tell him I want
a sushi pizza.
445
00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:55,726
You want a sushi pizza?
I can get you one.
446
00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:57,641
People will do anything
for my toilet wine.
447
00:17:57,772 --> 00:17:59,295
Huge pass on
the fish pizza,
448
00:17:59,426 --> 00:18:02,733
but I have an idea
how to get you out of prison.
449
00:18:02,864 --> 00:18:04,300
[bottle clinks]
450
00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:05,867
[woman grunting]
451
00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:07,999
[clink]
452
00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:11,351
453
00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:15,224
454
00:18:15,355 --> 00:18:19,228
WOMAN: Nobody steals
my Lonstein's Toilet Wine.
455
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:21,230
Lonstein's Toilet Wine.
456
00:18:21,361 --> 00:18:23,580
It's okay to drink
from the toilet.
457
00:18:23,711 --> 00:18:25,191
NARRATOR: Lonstein's Toilet Wineis a division
458
00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:27,802
of Newman's Own Industries.
459
00:18:27,932 --> 00:18:30,761
Isn't that yourmom's
fancy wine?
460
00:18:30,892 --> 00:18:33,242
You must be so rich.
461
00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:34,983
Actually, no.
462
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,637
My mom had to give it all
to Newman's Own
463
00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:37,681
to get out of jail.
464
00:18:37,812 --> 00:18:39,205
So you're notrich?
465
00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:42,643
-Yeah, he is.
-Ooh!
466
00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:44,340
Is this real money?
467
00:18:44,471 --> 00:18:46,125
Well, it's more
a currency of friendship.
468
00:18:46,255 --> 00:18:47,909
You guys are chodes.
469
00:18:48,039 --> 00:18:50,129
But just in case
George Soros follows through
470
00:18:50,259 --> 00:18:52,566
on his scheme
to destabilize the dollar.
471
00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:56,178
Soros, aye?
472
00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:58,354
Have I been too generous
with these?
473
00:18:58,485 --> 00:19:01,488
I'm still mad at you,
Steve.
474
00:19:01,618 --> 00:19:03,272
But you are a hoot.
475
00:19:03,403 --> 00:19:05,622
I'm so sorry
for everything I did.
476
00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:07,363
I was just scared
of losing you.
477
00:19:07,494 --> 00:19:08,582
Scared?
478
00:19:08,712 --> 00:19:10,671
I thought you were jealous
that, for once,
479
00:19:10,801 --> 00:19:12,281
Ihad more money
than you.
480
00:19:12,412 --> 00:19:15,719
No! I thought I was gonna
lose your friendship.
481
00:19:15,850 --> 00:19:18,157
See, I've always been
your sugar daddy,
482
00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:20,289
and when you got
your own sugar,
483
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:23,162
I was worried you wouldn't want
to hangout with daddy anymore.
484
00:19:23,292 --> 00:19:26,643
That's crazy!
You'll always be my daddy.
485
00:19:26,774 --> 00:19:28,645
I know everyone
says this,
486
00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:32,693
but kids really do talk
different these days.
487
00:19:32,823 --> 00:19:33,868
Friends?
488
00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:35,261
Best friends.
489
00:19:35,391 --> 00:19:37,741
Oh, look!
It's nutless and lisp boy.
490
00:19:37,872 --> 00:19:40,483
Were -- Were you
our kindergarten teacher?
491
00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:41,876
I don't know.
492
00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:44,270
Is your mom
still a skank?
493
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,359
Enjoy your food.
494
00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:48,274
[both groan]
495
00:19:48,404 --> 00:19:53,714
496
00:19:53,844 --> 00:19:55,281
Okay.
497
00:19:55,411 --> 00:19:57,152
It's all led up to this.
498
00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:58,893
Everyone
looks amazing.
499
00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:01,939
And we got here by making
healthy choices.
500
00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:05,552
[weakly] Whoo!
Time to own the runway.
501
00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:08,903
-[stomach grumbles]
-Roger, are you okay?
502
00:20:09,033 --> 00:20:11,427
Just a nervous tummy
for the big show.
503
00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:16,258
Let's do this,
you beautiful bitches.
504
00:20:16,389 --> 00:20:19,130
505
00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:22,264
[cheers and applause]
506
00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:23,874
[camera shutter clicks]
507
00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:26,486
[thud]
508
00:20:26,616 --> 00:20:27,791
[woman screams]
509
00:20:27,922 --> 00:20:29,489
[worm growls]
510
00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:32,796
-Ew!
-Ew!
511
00:20:34,145 --> 00:20:36,713
- So shine bright
-[cheers and applause]
512
00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:39,368
Tonight
513
00:20:39,499 --> 00:20:42,545
- You and I
[camera shutters click]
514
00:20:42,676 --> 00:20:46,419
- We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky
-Work it, you slimy bitch.
515
00:20:46,549 --> 00:20:50,814
Eye to eye
516
00:20:50,945 --> 00:20:52,773
Ohh, baby.
517
00:20:52,903 --> 00:20:55,254
I see why
you got the cover.
518
00:20:55,384 --> 00:20:56,516
[knocks on door]
519
00:20:56,646 --> 00:20:58,779
Klaus, are you in there
with a spank mag again?
520
00:20:58,909 --> 00:21:00,259
It's Vogue,
you Neanderthal!
521
00:21:00,389 --> 00:21:02,391
[groans]
522
00:21:02,522 --> 00:21:04,393
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
523
00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:08,223
--Captions by VITAC--
35926
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
