Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) ♪ MTV ♪

-♪♪

-"Too pleased for escape from the mummy's tomb?"

-"Oh, I'm afraid there's a minimum group size of four people."

-"Oh, no, our girlfriend's canceled."

-"Oh, yeah, that sucks.

Well, you've got ten minutes to make our next session."

-"Where are we gonna find two people in ten minutes?"

-"And they've gotta be really smart and good at solving puzzles."

-"Hmm, there's gotta be somebody."

-"Yeah, that kicked ass. Yeah."

-"Okay, so this is the four of you?"

-"Yes. You guys are smart, right?"

-"Uh, yeah.

That's why you asked us to join you, m'ladies.

Smart."

-"Okay, now remember, if you can work together

to find the clues and solve the puzzles,

then you might be able to escape from the mummy's tomb.

It's down the hall to your left.

We do take payment in advance, please."

-"Uh, we'll just go ahead while you ladies pay."

-"But afterwards, we'll split it four ways, right?"

-"Yeah, baby."

-"Did you hear that, Beavis?

They wanna have a four-way."

-"What, really?"

-"That's right. We gotta escape from the mummy's tomb.

And then they'll see how smart we are.

And then we will score."

-"Uh, he said left, right?"

-"Right, yeah, yeah, that's right, yeah. Right."

-"Uh, okay."

-"Huh.

So this is the mummy's tomb."

-"Well, amazing.

It looks just like a bathroom."

-"Hmm. Interesting.

This mummy is trickier than I thought."

-"But it... it won't open.

We're trapped."

-"Of course we are, dumbass.

That's why they call it an escape room."

-"Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, let's look for clues."

-"Exactly, Beavis.

We will solve the escape room,

and then we will solve the greatest mystery of them all.

Scoring."

-"Oh, yeah, yeah."

-"Hi, everyone.

My name is Mary Catherine, and--"

-"My name is Mary Catherine."

-"And this is my college decision reaction video, and really--"

-"I know my college decision.

No."

-"Yeah, no way.

Absolutely not.

Let's watch something else, buddy."

-"What's going on?

That's scary.

Oh, a fight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's putting in her chokehold.

She's got a chokehold.

Elbow her in the ribs.

Come on, come on.

Grab her arm.

Come on.

You can get out of this.

Teach her a lesson.

Make sure she never gets into Harvard again.

I don't know how you get into Harvard

if you can't even kick your own mom's ass.

Come on.

Come on. Her face is wide open. Come on.

Looks like the mom is going to win this one.

There will come a day when you will defeat me, Mary Catherine.

But today is not that day.

Put it. I think I found a clue.

Check it out. There's words.

Words. Let's see.

Jason eats balls.

Jason eats balls.

But what does it mean?

Who is Jason? Why does he eat balls?

Whose balls does he eat?

The mummy's balls?

Perhaps.

This is hard. Maybe we should ask those girls.

Beavis, those girls weren't even smart enough to figure out how to get in the escape room.

They're going to think we're geniuses when we get out.

Yeah. Maybe they'll be dumb enough to score with us.

Oh my God. Are they still in the bathroom?

They're weird. They must be in tech or something.

Hey, is it okay if Kyle and Brad join your group?

Okay. Sure.

This mummy forgot to like leave clues or something.

Whoa. But it. Look. I found a clue. Look.

A turd.

Hmm. Now we're getting somewhere, Beavis.

Finally. A real clue.

Yeah.

Now why would someone put a turd in a toilet?

Hmm.

It just doesn't make sense.

Wait a minute. Maybe someone took a dump.

Dammit, Beavis. Shut up. I'm thinking.

Oh yeah. Sorry.

Beavis, you mean well. But you're a dumbass.

I have figured it out.

That turd can mean only one thing.

This mummy is disgusting.

Check it out, Beavis. Another clue.

So what do we do with it?

Elementary, my dear dumbass.

And now I shall solve the puzzle.

Open.

Open, you son of a bitch.

I think it's working.

Dammit.

Give me my clue back, butthole.

Buddy, you did it.

I'm smart.

You're probably going to score, too.

About to escape.

We didn't escape, butthead.

Eh, dammit.

And this tomb is even harder.

There's no urinals.

And what are these things?

Hmm. No human alive knows what these are.

We must put them in the toilet.

How to make tattoo ink in prison.

A soda can is all you need.

Get some toilet tissue, some hair grease, and a saltine crackers box.

This guy is definitely a criminal.

That's what it should look like.

What accent is this?

It's like a prison accent.

Yeah, I want to talk like that.

Get some toilet tissue, saltine cracker box.

Tear off three sheets of toilet tissue.

Twist it up real tight.

Light your candle and set your box over top of it to collect all the soot.

Set your box over top of it.

Set the box on two pencils so it can breathe.

After about an hour, you can see all the soot.

After about an hour, you can see all the soot that's caught inside the box.

Scrape it into a pile.

This, like, makes me want to go to jail.

Add a tiny bit of hand sanitizer or body wash.

What did this guy do to get in prison, I wonder?

He didn't have to do anything.

They just let him right in.

Yeah, they just looked at him like,

Sir, I can tell by looking at you that you're going to be in jail eventually,

so let's just get this over with.

Only a drop or two of water.

It's like a pretty nice prison he's in here, you know?

No, he's back at his mom's.

His mom's going to be like,

Damn it, did you take my saltine cracker box and use it for your tattoo again?

Damn it, boy.

You ain't never going to eat chicken in this house again

if you don't give me back my saltine cracker box.

What am I going to do if I kill your daddy

and have to tattoo a teardrop next to my eye?

How am I going to do that without soot?

Every tattoo I have is that ink, and they're, like, ten years old.

But I dressed up like a mummy, like you said,

and I still can't find any clues.

Eh, who cares about clues?

Let's flush this stuff down the toilet.

If we're going to be stuck in here,

we might as well do something cool.

Congratulations, by the way.

That's the fastest anyone solved the mummy's tomb.

What the hell?

Let's stick the plunger in the sink.

Flooding is cool.

Oh, my God, what the hell?

Who would do something like that?

Check it out, Beavis. It worked.

Yeah, we're geniuses.

We escaped.

Dammit, where are those girls going?

I guess we scared them off with our genius thing or something.

They just couldn't handle it.

Oh, well.

I've been waiting to go to the bathroom for hours.

Um, where's the bathroom?

Yeah, it's down the hall to the right.

Here we go.

This bathroom is weird.

I'm not going to be picky at this point.

Help me with the lid here, buddhead.

Unbelievable. Those two girls have no class.

Hey, hey, what are you doing?

Ah, that's better.

Hey, stop, stop that! Stop that!

Stop! Stop!