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1
00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:13,273
Where are
All the men?
2
00:00:13,318 --> 00:00:14,484
Fuck 'em.
3
00:00:14,484 --> 00:00:15,193
Yeah, fuck 'em.
4
00:00:15,193 --> 00:00:18,693
Don't fuck 'em.
Yay!
5
00:00:18,693 --> 00:00:19,943
Seriously.
Fuck 'em.
6
00:00:19,943 --> 00:00:22,901
We don't need dicks
To get our happy endings.
7
00:00:22,901 --> 00:00:24,776
That's what vibrators are for.
Am I right?
8
00:00:24,776 --> 00:00:27,734
Rule number 612:
Fuck happy endings.
9
00:00:27,734 --> 00:00:28,818
Is that, like,
A real rule?
10
00:00:28,818 --> 00:00:32,568
One of the first.
612. Sam's birthday.
11
00:00:39,276 --> 00:00:40,276
Problem?
12
00:00:40,276 --> 00:00:42,568
He misread the
Deportation notice.
13
00:00:42,568 --> 00:00:43,859
If we don't get him
Married stat,
14
00:00:43,859 --> 00:00:46,276
They're gonna shanghai him
Back to manitoba.
15
00:00:46,276 --> 00:00:47,818
What? When did
This happen?
16
00:00:47,818 --> 00:00:49,401
Third grade.
17
00:00:49,401 --> 00:00:51,359
It's when I found out
I have dyslexia.
18
00:00:51,359 --> 00:00:53,484
But jason went over
The documents.
19
00:00:53,484 --> 00:00:54,984
He must have
Told you the deadline.
20
00:00:54,984 --> 00:00:57,609
Yeah. He was like,
"You'll be fine if blah blah blah."
21
00:00:57,609 --> 00:00:59,193
I stopped listening.
22
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:00,776
Why don't you just go to the
Courthouse tomorrow morning?
23
00:01:00,776 --> 00:01:02,193
They're booked
For a week.
24
00:01:02,193 --> 00:01:03,109
Fly to vegas?
25
00:01:03,109 --> 00:01:05,443
Penni's on
The no-fly list.
26
00:01:05,443 --> 00:01:06,526
Shocking.
27
00:01:06,526 --> 00:01:07,526
Why can't blair
Marry you right now?
28
00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:09,984
Still need a license.
And a bride.
29
00:01:09,984 --> 00:01:11,109
Where's penni?
30
00:01:11,109 --> 00:01:12,151
I don't know.
31
00:01:12,151 --> 00:01:13,359
She's like
A feral cat
32
00:01:13,359 --> 00:01:14,484
Scratching at
The door, trying to get out,
33
00:01:14,484 --> 00:01:16,234
And then she's
Gone for days.
34
00:01:16,234 --> 00:01:18,234
Oh, and I promised
My bubbe I'd get married
35
00:01:18,234 --> 00:01:19,234
Under a chuppah.
36
00:01:19,234 --> 00:01:20,234
A what-a?
37
00:01:20,234 --> 00:01:21,859
A chuppah.
38
00:01:21,859 --> 00:01:23,776
I also promised her I'd marry
A jew and stop looking at boys,
39
00:01:23,776 --> 00:01:25,693
But one out of 3
Ain't bad.
40
00:01:25,693 --> 00:01:27,776
Oh...
41
00:01:27,776 --> 00:01:29,484
Jenna, go find penni.
42
00:01:29,484 --> 00:01:33,068
Megan, go to your florist.
Get the flowers.
43
00:01:33,068 --> 00:01:36,401
I'm gonna find a marriage license
And make a chuppah.
44
00:01:36,401 --> 00:01:38,359
If you're going down,
We're going down together.
45
00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:41,568
I'm going down, and
Not in a good way.
46
00:01:41,568 --> 00:01:43,943
This is supposed to
Be my happy ending.
47
00:01:43,943 --> 00:01:46,943
Fuck happy endings.
48
00:01:46,943 --> 00:01:49,318
This is gonna be
Your happy beginning.
49
00:02:05,234 --> 00:02:07,026
♪ listen close ♪
50
00:02:07,026 --> 00:02:09,234
♪ it's time that I impart ♪
51
00:02:09,234 --> 00:02:13,568
♪ these words of wisdom on
How flirting is an art ♪
52
00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:16,068
♪ you'll never, ever lose ♪
53
00:02:16,068 --> 00:02:20,318
♪ just follow my rules ♪
54
00:02:21,734 --> 00:02:25,068
♪ you'll have any
Man you choose ♪
55
00:02:25,068 --> 00:02:29,026
♪ when you follow
The rules ♪
56
00:02:29,026 --> 00:02:34,193
♪ just follow the rules ♪
57
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,401
Uhh.
58
00:02:41,401 --> 00:02:42,693
Mmm.
59
00:02:45,068 --> 00:02:46,484
Hello? Hello?
60
00:02:46,484 --> 00:02:48,109
Hi. I need your help.
It's an emergency.
61
00:02:48,109 --> 00:02:50,443
Sam? What's going on?
62
00:02:50,443 --> 00:02:52,901
What does she want?
63
00:02:52,901 --> 00:02:53,984
She says it's
An emergency.
64
00:02:53,984 --> 00:02:55,151
Of course she does.
65
00:02:55,151 --> 00:02:56,359
You know what?
Never mind.
66
00:02:56,359 --> 00:03:00,109
Just put some clothes on.
I'm coming up.
67
00:03:03,776 --> 00:03:05,443
So, what do we do?
68
00:03:05,443 --> 00:03:06,443
I'm sorry, sam.
69
00:03:06,443 --> 00:03:07,943
I can't help you.
70
00:03:07,943 --> 00:03:10,734
I don't know anyone
At city hall.
71
00:03:10,734 --> 00:03:11,401
But I do.
72
00:03:15,526 --> 00:03:17,818
Wow. Is 5 minutes
Not enough time
73
00:03:17,818 --> 00:03:19,193
To put on
Some pants?
74
00:03:19,193 --> 00:03:22,068
Jason likes
My pants off.
75
00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:23,276
You're lucky I'm
Wearing anything at all.
76
00:03:26,068 --> 00:03:27,443
Would you like
My help or not?
77
00:03:28,734 --> 00:03:31,609
Uh...Yeah.
78
00:03:33,318 --> 00:03:34,943
I have a friend
At city hall.
79
00:03:34,943 --> 00:03:36,026
I'll give her a call
In the morning
80
00:03:36,026 --> 00:03:39,443
And see if she'll help
Your bartender.
81
00:03:39,443 --> 00:03:40,901
She owes me a favor.
82
00:03:40,901 --> 00:03:41,901
Great.
83
00:03:41,901 --> 00:03:42,484
Good night, sam.
84
00:03:46,234 --> 00:03:49,443
Yeah, well,
Have fun.
85
00:03:52,651 --> 00:03:54,151
"Have fun"?
86
00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:55,776
I'm sorry.
87
00:03:55,776 --> 00:03:56,776
I don't want tyler
To get deported,
88
00:03:56,776 --> 00:03:57,859
But I can't do it.
89
00:03:57,859 --> 00:03:59,193
Megan, you have to.
90
00:03:59,193 --> 00:04:00,193
Face your fears.
91
00:04:00,193 --> 00:04:01,526
Help tyler get
His happy ending
92
00:04:01,526 --> 00:04:03,568
Even if you can't
Have yours.
93
00:04:03,568 --> 00:04:05,526
You want me
To jack him off?
94
00:04:05,526 --> 00:04:08,484
No. Megan, focus.
95
00:04:08,484 --> 00:04:09,151
You have to overcome
Your insecurities.
96
00:04:09,151 --> 00:04:11,568
Just march in there.
97
00:04:11,568 --> 00:04:13,234
Tell him that you really wanted
Things to work out between you
98
00:04:13,234 --> 00:04:15,359
But that's not why you're there,
And then--
99
00:04:15,359 --> 00:04:17,234
Great advice, princess.
100
00:04:17,234 --> 00:04:19,401
Keep going.
101
00:04:19,401 --> 00:04:21,401
Megan, failure
Is not an option.
102
00:04:21,401 --> 00:04:23,234
You have to do this.
103
00:04:23,234 --> 00:04:27,151
I'm sorry, sam.
I just can't.
104
00:04:27,151 --> 00:04:30,734
Seriously? I have
Been gone for less than 3 minutes.
105
00:04:33,734 --> 00:04:35,401
Why don't we call
A truce?
106
00:04:35,401 --> 00:04:38,318
Why? So I can continue
To do all the work
107
00:04:38,318 --> 00:04:39,901
While you get
Half the credit?
108
00:04:39,901 --> 00:04:42,526
Like it or not,
We're a team.
109
00:04:42,526 --> 00:04:44,484
Let me make it up
To you.
110
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:45,151
I'm listening.
111
00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:46,526
Your friend megan--
112
00:04:46,526 --> 00:04:49,818
She needs some
Serious help with dudes.
113
00:04:49,818 --> 00:04:51,068
I'm helping her
With dudes.
114
00:04:51,068 --> 00:04:53,193
I'm not saying
You're not.
115
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:55,443
It's just, she's
Kind of clueless.
116
00:04:55,443 --> 00:04:56,984
Let me rephrase
That.
117
00:04:56,984 --> 00:04:59,734
She's extremely
Clueless when it comes to guys.
118
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:00,943
Just give me
One night with her.
119
00:05:00,943 --> 00:05:03,609
There is no way
That I am setting you up
120
00:05:03,609 --> 00:05:04,943
With another one
Of my girlfriends,
121
00:05:04,943 --> 00:05:06,484
Especially not megan.
122
00:05:06,484 --> 00:05:08,234
She takes weeks
To get over a bangover.
123
00:05:08,234 --> 00:05:09,318
I'm not gonna
Sleep with her.
124
00:05:09,318 --> 00:05:11,443
Just hear me out.
125
00:05:11,443 --> 00:05:13,234
Give me one night
With her.
126
00:05:13,234 --> 00:05:14,193
That way I can
Teach her all the tricks
127
00:05:14,193 --> 00:05:15,109
That guys use
To hump and dump,
128
00:05:15,109 --> 00:05:16,109
And that way
She can develop
129
00:05:16,109 --> 00:05:18,318
Some sort of
Counterattack.
130
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:21,151
Megan doesn't attack,
Much less counterattack.
131
00:05:21,151 --> 00:05:23,234
She's much more
Of a flanker.
132
00:05:23,234 --> 00:05:25,859
Listen, I know that I can be
A douche sometimes,
133
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,443
But right now
I'm not.
134
00:05:29,568 --> 00:05:31,401
If I screw this up,
135
00:05:31,401 --> 00:05:33,984
I'll give you the
Thai tea account.
136
00:05:33,984 --> 00:05:34,443
Deal?
137
00:05:37,443 --> 00:05:38,693
Deal.
138
00:05:38,693 --> 00:05:41,318
And if I don't,
I get to teabag everything.
139
00:05:41,318 --> 00:05:43,234
No.
140
00:05:43,234 --> 00:05:44,234
Please!
141
00:05:45,984 --> 00:05:47,401
Camilla jones design.
Can I help you?
142
00:05:47,401 --> 00:05:50,234
No, but I can help you.
143
00:05:50,234 --> 00:05:51,234
Who is this?
144
00:05:51,234 --> 00:05:52,776
This is your hairy
Godmother.
145
00:05:52,776 --> 00:05:53,984
Meet me at chicago
Roast in 30,
146
00:05:53,984 --> 00:05:55,484
And don't be late.
147
00:05:55,484 --> 00:05:57,693
Otherwise your pumpkin
Martini will turn into a pumpkin.
148
00:06:05,609 --> 00:06:08,318
You?
149
00:06:08,318 --> 00:06:10,193
Expecting
Someone else?
150
00:06:12,526 --> 00:06:14,568
I know rule number
72 says a true friend
151
00:06:14,568 --> 00:06:15,901
Will share
Her ex-fling,
152
00:06:15,901 --> 00:06:17,359
But I think it's
A little too soon
153
00:06:17,359 --> 00:06:19,193
For me to be swapping
Bodily fluids with jenna,
154
00:06:19,193 --> 00:06:20,943
Not to mention
The 10,000 other women
155
00:06:20,943 --> 00:06:22,359
You've probably
Slept with this year.
156
00:06:22,359 --> 00:06:24,651
Hey, mini-sam, relax.
157
00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:25,818
I'm not here
To get in your pants.
158
00:06:25,818 --> 00:06:27,443
You're not?
159
00:06:27,443 --> 00:06:30,193
I'm here to teach you
How to get into guys' pants.
160
00:06:31,068 --> 00:06:33,109
How?
161
00:06:33,109 --> 00:06:34,609
I know it's lame,
But it's true.
162
00:06:34,609 --> 00:06:36,401
Guys don't like
Aggressive girls.
163
00:06:36,401 --> 00:06:39,109
They like to
Approach first.
164
00:06:39,109 --> 00:06:42,234
But you can retain control
And add an air of mystery
165
00:06:42,234 --> 00:06:43,234
By making him work...
166
00:06:44,776 --> 00:06:47,109
Megan. What a pleasant
Surprise.
167
00:06:52,484 --> 00:06:55,234
All righty. There you go.
Thank you.
168
00:06:55,234 --> 00:06:56,734
Oh!
169
00:06:56,734 --> 00:06:59,234
Hey. I will have the grilled vegetable
Salad with chicken
170
00:06:59,234 --> 00:07:01,401
And a raspberry
Lemonade.
171
00:07:01,401 --> 00:07:01,859
Good for you.
172
00:07:01,859 --> 00:07:03,609
Thanks.
173
00:07:03,609 --> 00:07:04,443
Yeah.
174
00:07:04,443 --> 00:07:06,651
Oh. I will be
Right back.
175
00:07:06,651 --> 00:07:08,859
You will? Ok.
176
00:07:08,859 --> 00:07:09,859
I mean, really.
Good for her.
177
00:07:09,859 --> 00:07:10,484
You should have
Seen it.
178
00:07:10,484 --> 00:07:12,526
Like, last week...
179
00:07:12,526 --> 00:07:15,318
Jenna, any news on
Our runaway bride?
180
00:07:15,318 --> 00:07:17,276
Nothing yet,
But I'm used to tracking ben,
181
00:07:17,276 --> 00:07:19,984
And he was a deviant
Little fucker.
182
00:07:19,984 --> 00:07:21,651
I'll find her.
183
00:07:21,651 --> 00:07:23,234
Well, at least we
Can cross the flowers off our list,
184
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:24,234
Thanks to dean.
185
00:07:24,234 --> 00:07:25,609
Dean?
186
00:07:25,609 --> 00:07:28,818
Megan was completely
Freaking out about the florist,
187
00:07:28,818 --> 00:07:30,526
So he offered to give her some
One-on-one instruction
188
00:07:30,526 --> 00:07:31,526
To boost her confidence.
189
00:07:31,526 --> 00:07:33,151
It was really
Helpful, actually.
190
00:07:33,151 --> 00:07:34,901
How the hell
Did that happen?
191
00:07:34,901 --> 00:07:38,484
Maybe he felt bad about
Stealing all my ideas and clients.
192
00:07:38,484 --> 00:07:39,109
What was in it
For him?
193
00:07:39,109 --> 00:07:41,818
Nothing, I guess.
194
00:07:41,818 --> 00:07:43,859
Wow.
195
00:07:43,859 --> 00:07:45,901
♪ hit the lights,
Roll the film ♪
196
00:07:45,901 --> 00:07:48,318
♪ here we go,
We're shootin' ♪
197
00:07:48,318 --> 00:07:52,984
♪ turn it on, all your charm,
You're a pro in provin' ♪
198
00:07:52,984 --> 00:07:56,609
♪ such a star in the sky,
Never shine so brightly ♪
199
00:07:56,609 --> 00:08:01,651
♪ everyone looks at you,
Isn't life excitin'? ♪
200
00:08:01,651 --> 00:08:05,484
♪ every day, you know
You're getting paid ♪
201
00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:09,026
♪ you know it doesn't get
Much better than this ♪
202
00:08:09,026 --> 00:08:12,068
♪ you stole the show ♪
203
00:08:12,068 --> 00:08:13,859
♪ you made your name ♪
204
00:08:13,859 --> 00:08:19,151
♪ you've got everything
That's fortune and fame ♪
205
00:08:19,151 --> 00:08:23,693
♪ you can't say no,
Gotta play the game ♪
206
00:08:23,693 --> 00:08:27,026
♪ because it's all about
The fortune and fame ♪
207
00:08:27,026 --> 00:08:29,568
♪ fortune and fame ♪
208
00:08:29,568 --> 00:08:31,276
Thanks so much for giving
Me a second chance.
209
00:08:31,276 --> 00:08:33,984
You're lucky I have
A soft spot
210
00:08:33,984 --> 00:08:34,693
For perfect peonies...
211
00:08:34,693 --> 00:08:36,776
Uh!
212
00:08:36,776 --> 00:08:38,984
And perfect penises.
213
00:08:38,984 --> 00:08:40,276
♪ look at me,
They all scream ♪
214
00:08:40,276 --> 00:08:43,443
♪ like a crowd of groupies ♪
215
00:08:43,443 --> 00:08:47,026
♪ he's gotta go, curtain calls,
Audience is waiting ♪
216
00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:49,484
Are we on lying on top
Of calla lilies?
217
00:08:49,484 --> 00:08:50,359
Are you allergic?
218
00:08:50,359 --> 00:08:54,943
Yes, but it's ok.
I'm close.
219
00:08:54,943 --> 00:09:00,193
♪ you know it doesn't
Get much better than this ♪
220
00:09:00,193 --> 00:09:04,818
♪ you stole the show,
You made your name ♪
221
00:09:04,818 --> 00:09:09,401
♪ you've got everything
That's fortune and fame ♪
222
00:09:09,401 --> 00:09:13,943
♪ you can't say no,
Gotta play the game ♪
223
00:09:13,943 --> 00:09:20,568
♪ because it's all about
The fortune and fame ♪
224
00:09:20,568 --> 00:09:22,318
Ok. Ok.
225
00:09:25,526 --> 00:09:26,359
That was fun.
226
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:32,734
♪ you'll sleep tomorrow
Or the next day ♪
227
00:09:32,734 --> 00:09:37,443
♪ right now's the time
That you gotta play ♪
228
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:38,568
♪ every day... ♪
229
00:09:38,568 --> 00:09:42,109
So...We're all set
For tomorrow at 7:00?
230
00:09:42,109 --> 00:09:45,276
Uh, actually,
Make it 6:00.
231
00:09:45,276 --> 00:09:46,901
Ok. Great.
232
00:09:46,901 --> 00:09:47,443
Yeah.
233
00:09:52,943 --> 00:09:54,818
I'll call you
Later, ok?
234
00:09:54,818 --> 00:09:56,526
Don't.
235
00:09:56,526 --> 00:09:59,234
♪ it's all about
The fortune and fame ♪
236
00:09:59,234 --> 00:10:00,901
♪ fortune and fame ♪
237
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,859
Jones.
238
00:10:02,859 --> 00:10:04,318
Camilla.
239
00:10:04,318 --> 00:10:06,609
I need you to approve the pulls
For the ralston house.
240
00:10:06,609 --> 00:10:09,151
No. I said I want to move
My facial to 3:00
241
00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:10,651
And my anal bleaching
To 4:00.
242
00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:11,818
Serge can't hold it
Any longer.
243
00:10:11,818 --> 00:10:15,026
There's another
Designer interested.
244
00:10:15,026 --> 00:10:17,151
Oh, thanks, doll.
Thank you. Ok, bye. Bye-bye.
245
00:10:17,151 --> 00:10:18,151
It'll only take
Two seconds.
246
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:19,276
I'll do it
When I get back.
247
00:10:19,276 --> 00:10:20,901
Sit.
248
00:10:20,901 --> 00:10:22,818
Stay.
249
00:10:22,818 --> 00:10:25,401
Now choose.
250
00:10:27,109 --> 00:10:28,443
Ok. Um, right.
251
00:10:28,443 --> 00:10:31,693
This one, this one,
And this one.
252
00:10:31,693 --> 00:10:34,318
We're done.
Let's go. Let's go.
253
00:10:37,234 --> 00:10:38,193
According
To the police,
254
00:10:38,193 --> 00:10:39,734
She hasn't been
Arrested...
255
00:10:39,734 --> 00:10:40,776
Recently,
Anyway.
256
00:10:40,776 --> 00:10:41,943
I talked to her
Cousin patty.
257
00:10:41,943 --> 00:10:44,151
What did she say?
258
00:10:44,151 --> 00:10:45,984
She said she'll be out
In 8 to 10 months
259
00:10:45,984 --> 00:10:49,734
But she can smuggle some xannies
In an inmate's ass if I'm desperate.
260
00:10:49,734 --> 00:10:54,401
Why don't we
Track her using that app?
261
00:10:54,401 --> 00:10:55,526
Right. I should have
Mentioned that earlier.
262
00:10:55,526 --> 00:10:56,776
I'm pretty sure
She stole my phone.
263
00:10:56,776 --> 00:10:58,818
Maybe we can track her.
264
00:11:03,443 --> 00:11:06,818
Wait. Isn't that
Bootleg's address?
265
00:11:06,818 --> 00:11:09,109
Yeah, but I checked
Everywhere in bootleg.
266
00:11:09,109 --> 00:11:10,318
Everywhere?
267
00:11:10,318 --> 00:11:12,484
Yeah, everywhere
Ex--
268
00:11:12,484 --> 00:11:14,484
Except the men's
Bathroom.
269
00:11:14,484 --> 00:11:15,401
Oh.
Ugh.
270
00:11:15,401 --> 00:11:16,276
She's not in there.
271
00:11:18,276 --> 00:11:20,609
Holy shit!
272
00:11:20,609 --> 00:11:21,776
Penni, wake up.
273
00:11:21,776 --> 00:11:23,234
Wake up.
274
00:11:23,234 --> 00:11:26,026
Maybe we should
Just slap her.
275
00:11:26,026 --> 00:11:28,568
Haven't you ever
Slapped a bitch before?
276
00:11:28,568 --> 00:11:29,693
Yeah.
277
00:11:31,068 --> 00:11:32,193
Nice.
278
00:11:32,193 --> 00:11:34,193
That's for being
A pain in the ass.
279
00:11:35,693 --> 00:11:38,318
What the fuck?
280
00:11:38,318 --> 00:11:39,651
Shit.
281
00:11:43,109 --> 00:11:45,193
Ok, people, listen.
282
00:11:45,193 --> 00:11:47,484
My friend is getting
Married,
283
00:11:47,484 --> 00:11:49,651
And he promised his bubbe
He'd do it under a chuppah--
284
00:11:49,651 --> 00:11:51,984
That and that he'd actually turn out to
Be straight, but that's another story.
285
00:11:51,984 --> 00:11:54,318
So who's with me?
286
00:11:54,318 --> 00:11:56,318
Leans a little
To the left,
287
00:11:56,318 --> 00:11:58,276
Which kind of reminds me
Of the last guy I slept with.
288
00:11:58,276 --> 00:11:59,151
But...
289
00:11:59,151 --> 00:12:00,276
It'll do.
290
00:12:02,859 --> 00:12:03,776
Oh, shit.
291
00:12:03,776 --> 00:12:05,443
How are we gonna
Get it there?
292
00:12:05,443 --> 00:12:07,984
I have a truck.
293
00:12:07,984 --> 00:12:08,526
It leans a little
To the left,
294
00:12:08,526 --> 00:12:10,359
But it'll do.
295
00:12:15,859 --> 00:12:18,401
♪ I would never,
Ever, never, never... ♪
296
00:12:18,401 --> 00:12:20,401
Why the fuck
Didn't you call me?
297
00:12:20,401 --> 00:12:22,693
Why didn't you respond
To my love letter?
298
00:12:22,693 --> 00:12:24,776
Oh, was that
What that was?
299
00:12:24,776 --> 00:12:25,818
I was out of town
Visiting my brother
300
00:12:25,818 --> 00:12:28,443
For a few days,
All right?
301
00:12:28,443 --> 00:12:33,484
As much as I love, love, love your
Fucked-up little heart,
302
00:12:33,484 --> 00:12:36,734
The next time you have
Something to say,
303
00:12:36,734 --> 00:12:37,276
Just tell me.
304
00:12:41,984 --> 00:12:43,901
I love you.
305
00:12:45,234 --> 00:12:48,026
I don't want to fuck
Anyone else but you.
306
00:12:48,026 --> 00:12:50,651
And I don't want you
To fuck anyone else but me.
307
00:12:52,109 --> 00:12:55,859
I don't need a label,
But...
308
00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,109
If that's what being
Boyfriend and girlfriend is,
309
00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:59,526
Then that's what
I want.
310
00:13:01,526 --> 00:13:03,443
Is that all?
311
00:13:03,443 --> 00:13:04,818
No.
312
00:13:06,359 --> 00:13:08,318
I want you to
Meet my friends.
313
00:13:10,776 --> 00:13:11,484
Really?
314
00:13:15,901 --> 00:13:19,151
Hope I'm not
Disturbing you.
315
00:13:19,151 --> 00:13:20,109
If you're asking
Whether or not
316
00:13:20,109 --> 00:13:22,734
A girl's here,
The answer is no.
317
00:13:29,026 --> 00:13:30,151
What are you
Doing here?
318
00:13:30,151 --> 00:13:34,568
I wanted to thank you
For helping megan.
319
00:13:34,568 --> 00:13:35,026
Don't look at me
Like that.
320
00:13:35,026 --> 00:13:35,984
Like what?
321
00:13:35,984 --> 00:13:39,318
Like I'm some...
322
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,693
Tortured soul that
Needs to be saved.
323
00:13:41,693 --> 00:13:43,276
In fact, I know
A guy in saa* right now
324
00:13:43,276 --> 00:13:44,484
Who would love
To have you back.
325
00:13:44,484 --> 00:13:47,234
I don't want him.
326
00:13:47,234 --> 00:13:48,984
I want you.
327
00:13:50,484 --> 00:13:51,693
You don't want me.
328
00:13:51,693 --> 00:13:54,068
You want the drama.
You want the challenge.
329
00:13:54,068 --> 00:13:56,109
Maybe I'm changing.
330
00:13:56,109 --> 00:13:58,026
You know what?
331
00:13:58,026 --> 00:14:00,026
People don't change.
332
00:14:01,359 --> 00:14:03,818
You know what
Never changes?
333
00:14:03,818 --> 00:14:05,984
Is the fact that
There are people who are loved
334
00:14:05,984 --> 00:14:07,484
And they can't
Accept it,
335
00:14:07,484 --> 00:14:09,734
And all they do is
Go out and fuck other people over,
336
00:14:09,734 --> 00:14:12,193
Fuck over the people
That love them.
337
00:14:13,109 --> 00:14:15,234
What happened to you?
338
00:14:16,443 --> 00:14:18,234
Who hurt you?
339
00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:22,693
I'm not doing this.
I'm not.
340
00:17:20,109 --> 00:17:22,068
Shit! The wedding.
341
00:17:52,068 --> 00:17:53,526
She's gonna come,
Right?
342
00:17:53,526 --> 00:17:54,943
I hope so.
343
00:18:03,651 --> 00:18:04,318
That's a great dress.
344
00:18:08,734 --> 00:18:10,234
Is nobody gonna
Get her?
345
00:18:10,234 --> 00:18:12,984
She doesn't have
Anybody.
346
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:30,943
Thank you. Ha!
347
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:35,276
Friends, while we all know
What this ceremony represents,
348
00:18:35,276 --> 00:18:39,901
It's still a very
Special occasion.
349
00:18:39,901 --> 00:18:41,484
Today we celebrate
The union
350
00:18:41,484 --> 00:18:47,568
Between tyler mcauliffe
And penni pearson.
351
00:18:47,568 --> 00:18:50,901
Without penni, the love
Of my life would be gone.
352
00:18:50,901 --> 00:18:53,234
Thank you, penni.
353
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,026
If anyone can show
Just cause
354
00:18:57,026 --> 00:19:00,109
Why these two may not
Be joined together in matrimony,
355
00:19:00,109 --> 00:19:02,526
Let them speak now
Or forever hold their peace.
356
00:19:02,526 --> 00:19:03,609
Not you.
357
00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:04,151
I object!
358
00:19:04,859 --> 00:19:06,943
Ha ha ha! Bitch.
359
00:19:06,943 --> 00:19:08,318
Ha ha!
360
00:19:08,318 --> 00:19:10,568
I never got my invite.
361
00:19:10,568 --> 00:19:11,609
Lizzie!
362
00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:12,859
Bitch!
363
00:19:12,859 --> 00:19:14,234
Why didn't you tell me
You were coming?
364
00:19:14,234 --> 00:19:15,318
Because I wanted
To surprise
365
00:19:15,318 --> 00:19:17,526
Your teeny,
Tiny ass.
366
00:19:17,526 --> 00:19:18,818
Get over here.
367
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:19,901
I missed you.
368
00:19:19,901 --> 00:19:22,859
I missed you.
369
00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:26,109
Lizzie.
370
00:19:26,109 --> 00:19:28,609
Ok, if there
Are no actual objections,
371
00:19:28,609 --> 00:19:30,276
Let's get to
The good part.
372
00:19:30,276 --> 00:19:32,109
Tyler...
373
00:19:32,109 --> 00:19:35,568
Do you take penni
374
00:19:35,568 --> 00:19:37,984
To be your lawfully
Wedded wife?
375
00:19:37,984 --> 00:19:40,901
I do. Ha ha ha!
376
00:19:40,901 --> 00:19:43,193
Penni, do you
Take tyler
377
00:19:43,193 --> 00:19:44,734
To be your lawfully
Wedded husband?
378
00:19:44,734 --> 00:19:46,651
Fuck, yeah.
379
00:19:46,651 --> 00:19:48,359
You may place the ring.
380
00:19:52,068 --> 00:19:56,901
Ok. I now pronounce you
Man and what-have-you.
381
00:19:56,901 --> 00:19:57,734
You may kiss the bride.
382
00:19:57,734 --> 00:19:59,943
No.
383
00:20:01,526 --> 00:20:04,109
Mmm.
384
00:20:04,109 --> 00:20:05,109
Oh!
385
00:20:08,193 --> 00:20:11,068
Congratulations!
Thank you, everybody.
386
00:20:11,068 --> 00:20:12,943
Have a great time tonight.
The bar is open.
387
00:20:12,943 --> 00:20:14,401
Please drink up.
388
00:20:14,401 --> 00:20:17,193
♪ lay down ♪
389
00:20:17,193 --> 00:20:19,359
♪ beside me ♪
390
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:24,943
♪ though you know
This one's the last ♪
391
00:20:24,943 --> 00:20:26,276
I'll be right back.
Ok.
392
00:20:26,276 --> 00:20:29,109
♪ let go ♪
393
00:20:29,109 --> 00:20:32,109
♪ of our heartbeats ♪
394
00:20:32,109 --> 00:20:34,193
♪ let them be... ♪
395
00:20:34,193 --> 00:20:35,193
Hi.
396
00:20:35,193 --> 00:20:36,568
Hello.
397
00:20:41,568 --> 00:20:43,901
I thought
You changed your mind.
398
00:20:43,901 --> 00:20:48,026
No. Just thought
I'd try to clean up a bit.
399
00:20:49,818 --> 00:20:51,276
You do it well.
400
00:20:51,276 --> 00:20:52,943
Thank you.
401
00:20:59,193 --> 00:21:01,318
Are you ready
To meet everyone?
402
00:21:04,318 --> 00:21:06,276
Yeah, I think so.
403
00:21:06,776 --> 00:21:08,859
Let's go.
404
00:21:08,859 --> 00:21:15,484
♪ who I thought... ♪
405
00:21:19,734 --> 00:21:23,109
Hey, guys,
This is ryan.
406
00:21:23,109 --> 00:21:25,318
Ryan, this is
Megan and jenna.
407
00:21:27,859 --> 00:21:29,568
I've heard a lot
About you guys.
408
00:21:29,568 --> 00:21:31,693
Thank you both so much
For always being there for sam
409
00:21:31,693 --> 00:21:33,609
When I--when I couldn't.
410
00:21:33,609 --> 00:21:35,859
You're such
A sweetie.
411
00:21:35,859 --> 00:21:36,651
You guys, stay
Right there.
412
00:21:36,651 --> 00:21:37,901
I want to take
A picture.
413
00:21:37,901 --> 00:21:38,318
Oh.
414
00:21:42,901 --> 00:21:44,568
Adorbs.
415
00:21:44,568 --> 00:21:46,609
I'm gonna go grab us
Something to drink.
416
00:21:46,609 --> 00:21:47,776
Do you guys want
Anything?
417
00:21:47,776 --> 00:21:49,109
No.
418
00:21:49,109 --> 00:21:50,151
I'm ok.
419
00:21:50,151 --> 00:21:51,943
Ok. I'll be right back.
420
00:21:51,943 --> 00:21:54,276
Ok.
421
00:21:54,276 --> 00:21:55,318
I thought you said
He was weird.
422
00:21:55,318 --> 00:21:56,443
He doesn't seem
Weird at all.
423
00:21:56,443 --> 00:21:59,776
I know. He's being
Totally normal.
424
00:21:59,776 --> 00:22:01,359
It's weirding me out.
425
00:22:03,026 --> 00:22:03,734
Hey.
426
00:22:03,734 --> 00:22:06,651
Hey.
427
00:22:06,651 --> 00:22:09,359
So I just wanted
To say
428
00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:14,234
That I had no idea
That you and charlie were...
429
00:22:14,234 --> 00:22:17,484
It's fine. Nothing happened,
Right?
430
00:22:17,484 --> 00:22:19,401
Right. Right.
No, nothing happened.
431
00:22:21,401 --> 00:22:23,276
Hi there, big boy.
432
00:22:23,276 --> 00:22:24,901
♪ take me ♪
433
00:22:24,901 --> 00:22:26,943
♪ take me to... ♪
434
00:22:26,943 --> 00:22:32,109
♪ take me, take me,
♪ take me ♪
435
00:22:32,109 --> 00:22:33,401
♪ take me to... ♪
436
00:22:33,401 --> 00:22:39,859
♪ take me, take me,
Take me, take me ♪
437
00:22:39,859 --> 00:22:40,984
I'm sorry.
438
00:22:40,984 --> 00:22:42,026
What?
439
00:22:42,026 --> 00:22:42,818
I can't do this.
440
00:22:42,818 --> 00:22:45,943
♪ take me ♪
441
00:22:45,943 --> 00:22:46,859
And you and...
442
00:22:46,859 --> 00:22:48,859
Rachel.
443
00:22:48,859 --> 00:22:50,234
You guys make
A cute couple.
444
00:22:50,234 --> 00:22:51,234
Thank you.
445
00:22:51,234 --> 00:22:53,193
Looks like we
Both moved on.
446
00:22:53,193 --> 00:22:57,401
Yes, yes. Looks like
We both have.
447
00:22:57,401 --> 00:22:59,318
Unless you want
To meet me in the bathroom
448
00:22:59,318 --> 00:23:01,901
And make up
For last time.
449
00:23:03,943 --> 00:23:05,943
I'm just fucking
With you.
450
00:23:05,943 --> 00:23:06,484
Oh.
451
00:23:10,318 --> 00:23:13,443
There you are.
Hey, jason.
452
00:23:13,443 --> 00:23:16,151
Mmm. I was worried
You'd run off with somebody else.
453
00:23:16,151 --> 00:23:19,568
Ha ha ha! I'm watching
You, pal.
454
00:23:19,568 --> 00:23:22,609
So, what you've
Really come here to say
455
00:23:22,609 --> 00:23:23,359
Is that you're
Sick and tired of paris
456
00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:24,484
And ready to come
Back
457
00:23:24,484 --> 00:23:26,443
And hang out
With me in chicago, right?
458
00:23:26,443 --> 00:23:28,443
Yes. I'm sick
And tired of paris,
459
00:23:28,443 --> 00:23:30,234
And I'm so ready to come back to chicago
And hang out with you!
460
00:23:30,234 --> 00:23:31,234
Yes!
461
00:23:31,234 --> 00:23:32,234
I know, but no,
You know what?
462
00:23:32,234 --> 00:23:35,609
I have to admit
I love paris,
463
00:23:35,609 --> 00:23:37,984
And I kind of
Love him.
464
00:23:37,984 --> 00:23:40,026
What ever happened
To rule number 612?
465
00:23:40,026 --> 00:23:42,776
"Fuck happy endings."
466
00:23:42,776 --> 00:23:44,943
Yeah. I've never heard you
Use the "L" word before.
467
00:23:44,943 --> 00:23:48,276
Yeah, I don't know.
There's still some puke in my mouth.
468
00:23:54,609 --> 00:23:57,693
Fucking adorable.
Not weird at all.
469
00:23:57,693 --> 00:23:58,859
I don't know what's wrong
With him tonight.
470
00:23:58,859 --> 00:24:01,109
He's usually
Not this normal.
471
00:24:01,109 --> 00:24:03,401
Sam, as long as he wasn't dropped on
The head as a child,
472
00:24:03,401 --> 00:24:04,568
I think you're fine.
473
00:24:04,568 --> 00:24:06,151
I just haven't ever seen him
Care so much
474
00:24:06,151 --> 00:24:08,859
What other people
Think.
475
00:24:12,443 --> 00:24:17,193
Sam, I don't think it's other people
That he cares about.
476
00:24:17,193 --> 00:24:18,568
Look.
477
00:24:18,568 --> 00:24:19,484
Does that--
Does that look ok?
478
00:24:27,818 --> 00:24:29,526
I know. I know.
479
00:24:32,776 --> 00:24:34,026
It makes no sense.
480
00:24:48,943 --> 00:24:50,984
Hey!
481
00:24:50,984 --> 00:24:52,693
Oh. Uh, beth,
This is megan.
482
00:24:52,693 --> 00:24:56,318
She...
483
00:24:56,318 --> 00:24:57,943
I'm--I'm sam's
Neighbor.
484
00:24:57,943 --> 00:24:58,943
Yes.
485
00:24:58,943 --> 00:25:00,234
Oh. Hi.
486
00:25:00,234 --> 00:25:01,318
Hi.
487
00:25:01,318 --> 00:25:03,609
Very nice
To meet you.
488
00:25:07,734 --> 00:25:08,443
Unbelievable.
He slept with both of them.
489
00:25:08,443 --> 00:25:10,151
Both of them.
Oh.
490
00:25:10,151 --> 00:25:12,151
She's the one.
491
00:25:13,943 --> 00:25:15,693
Uh...
492
00:25:15,693 --> 00:25:17,443
...Trashed
All of us.
493
00:25:17,443 --> 00:25:20,109
Hey there.
Good. I see you two have met.
494
00:25:20,109 --> 00:25:21,734
Yeah. Ryan was
Just telling me about his brother
495
00:25:21,734 --> 00:25:23,401
In sao paolo.
496
00:25:25,568 --> 00:25:29,193
Drinks. I forgot
The drinks.
497
00:25:33,526 --> 00:25:33,901
He seems great.
498
00:25:33,901 --> 00:25:34,776
Yeah.
499
00:25:34,776 --> 00:25:37,568
He is.
500
00:25:39,193 --> 00:25:40,568
So...
501
00:25:40,568 --> 00:25:42,859
So...
502
00:25:42,859 --> 00:25:43,984
Looks like
You pulled it off.
503
00:25:43,984 --> 00:25:46,818
The wedding
Was perfect.
504
00:25:46,818 --> 00:25:48,776
Well, I couldn't
Have done it
505
00:25:48,776 --> 00:25:50,651
Without you
And...
506
00:25:50,651 --> 00:25:53,026
Rachel.
507
00:25:54,943 --> 00:25:57,776
Hey. That's what
Friends are for.
508
00:26:00,234 --> 00:26:01,443
Thanks, jason.
509
00:26:01,984 --> 00:26:04,526
I gave him...
510
00:26:04,526 --> 00:26:06,693
I knew it was you.
511
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:12,151
I was like, "Oh! Oh!"
512
00:26:13,068 --> 00:26:16,443
Whoo! Man, what
A night, huh?
513
00:26:16,443 --> 00:26:18,151
Yeah.
514
00:26:18,151 --> 00:26:19,984
You know, beth
Is so hot.
515
00:26:19,984 --> 00:26:20,818
I know.
516
00:26:20,818 --> 00:26:23,443
Nope. Not gonna
Go there.
517
00:26:23,443 --> 00:26:25,193
I will say, it looks
Like the student
518
00:26:25,193 --> 00:26:25,859
Has become
The teacher.
519
00:26:25,859 --> 00:26:27,734
Well done.
520
00:26:27,734 --> 00:26:28,901
Thanks, man.
521
00:26:28,901 --> 00:26:30,401
No problem.
522
00:26:30,401 --> 00:26:32,109
For everything.
523
00:26:32,109 --> 00:26:33,443
What can I say?
524
00:26:33,443 --> 00:26:35,234
It seems like things
Are really working out, huh?
525
00:26:35,234 --> 00:26:38,984
Yeah, until the next
Big mistake.
526
00:26:38,984 --> 00:26:40,609
Speaking of which...
527
00:26:40,609 --> 00:26:42,026
I'll give you two
A moment, hmm?
528
00:26:42,026 --> 00:26:44,818
Thanks, don juan.
529
00:26:53,026 --> 00:26:54,734
You still look
Nice.
530
00:26:56,693 --> 00:26:58,859
Thanks.
531
00:27:00,109 --> 00:27:01,193
So are you gonna
Try and find a skank
532
00:27:01,193 --> 00:27:02,401
To take home tonight?
533
00:27:05,276 --> 00:27:06,568
Maybe.
534
00:27:10,193 --> 00:27:13,318
My place in an hour.
535
00:27:17,484 --> 00:27:20,318
I blew it,
Didn't I?
536
00:27:20,318 --> 00:27:21,318
Yeah, you did.
537
00:27:31,401 --> 00:27:34,776
So, 50% of marriages
End in divorce.
538
00:27:34,776 --> 00:27:37,234
You think tyler
And penni will last?
539
00:27:37,234 --> 00:27:41,068
I give it exactly
3 years.
540
00:27:41,068 --> 00:27:44,359
And what about us?
541
00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:47,193
Longer.
542
00:27:47,193 --> 00:27:49,234
Can I get that
In writing?
543
00:27:49,234 --> 00:27:51,443
No...
544
00:27:51,443 --> 00:27:53,276
But you can get it
In lipstick.
545
00:27:58,443 --> 00:28:00,359
What's going on
With you tonight?
546
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:03,151
You're acting
So weird.
547
00:28:03,151 --> 00:28:04,234
I thought I was
Acting normal.
548
00:28:04,234 --> 00:28:06,234
That's what's
So weird.
549
00:28:06,234 --> 00:28:08,193
Since when do you
Act normal?
550
00:28:08,193 --> 00:28:09,318
I thought that's
What you wanted.
551
00:28:09,318 --> 00:28:12,609
Is that not what
You wanted?
552
00:28:12,609 --> 00:28:16,234
Since when do you
Care what other people want?
553
00:28:16,234 --> 00:28:20,859
Well, I don't
Want to let you down.
554
00:28:20,859 --> 00:28:22,234
You don't want to
Let me down?
555
00:28:22,234 --> 00:28:23,318
No.
556
00:28:23,318 --> 00:28:25,401
Then why don't you
Dance with me?
557
00:28:25,401 --> 00:28:26,776
I am dancing
With you.
558
00:28:26,776 --> 00:28:28,068
No, you're not.
559
00:28:28,068 --> 00:28:29,443
Yes.
560
00:28:29,443 --> 00:28:31,443
Come on.
Dance with me.
561
00:28:31,443 --> 00:28:32,609
Oh, you want me to
Bust my moves out?
562
00:28:32,609 --> 00:28:35,068
Yeah, I want you to
Bust out your moves.
563
00:28:35,068 --> 00:28:36,484
I don't think the people in here
Can handle my moves.
564
00:28:36,484 --> 00:28:37,484
I can handle
Your moves.
565
00:28:37,484 --> 00:28:38,859
They're coming.
They're coming.
566
00:28:38,859 --> 00:28:42,026
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
567
00:28:44,609 --> 00:28:45,568
Finally! Come on, come on, come on.
568
00:28:45,568 --> 00:28:50,026
Everybody, come on.
Get in here.
569
00:28:50,026 --> 00:28:50,401
Get in your
Positions.
570
00:28:52,193 --> 00:28:53,609
Ok.
571
00:29:01,776 --> 00:29:04,151
Oh, shit.
572
00:29:04,151 --> 00:29:05,568
Yeah!
573
00:29:05,568 --> 00:29:08,109
♪ supernova
Shines so bright ♪
574
00:29:08,109 --> 00:29:09,651
♪ you look so cool
In those city lights... ♪
575
00:29:09,651 --> 00:29:10,276
It looks like
Someone still believes
576
00:29:10,276 --> 00:29:12,609
In happy
Endings.
577
00:29:12,609 --> 00:29:14,609
Forget happy endings.
578
00:29:14,609 --> 00:29:17,109
I am much more interested
In happy beginnings.
579
00:29:17,109 --> 00:29:17,693
I will drink
To that.
580
00:29:17,693 --> 00:29:19,026
Me, too.
581
00:29:19,026 --> 00:29:21,776
Come on. I'm buying.
582
00:29:21,776 --> 00:29:23,193
It's open bar.
583
00:29:23,193 --> 00:29:25,401
Make it a double.
584
00:29:25,401 --> 00:29:27,859
♪ you should be mine ♪
585
00:29:27,859 --> 00:29:30,651
♪ uh-oh, you really
Got me now ♪
586
00:29:30,651 --> 00:29:31,401
♪ in way too deep ♪
587
00:29:31,401 --> 00:29:35,109
♪ I'm all about you ♪
588
00:29:35,109 --> 00:29:37,901
♪ it's all about you ♪
589
00:29:39,318 --> 00:29:40,943
♪ up, down, or somewhere
In between ♪
590
00:29:40,943 --> 00:29:43,484
♪ you know exactly ♪
591
00:29:43,484 --> 00:29:46,984
♪ what I mean ♪
592
00:29:46,984 --> 00:29:48,068
♪ so take a leap of faith ♪
593
00:29:48,068 --> 00:29:50,359
♪ with me tonight ♪
594
00:29:52,359 --> 00:29:55,026
♪ never met
A boy like you before ♪
595
00:29:55,026 --> 00:29:57,109
♪ every day I need ♪
596
00:29:57,109 --> 00:29:59,568
♪ a little more of you... ♪
39775
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