Original subtitles

Beth curry: ♪ little white secrets hide ♪

♪ behind empty stares ♪

♪ don't you say anything ♪

♪ or you might disappear ♪

♪ it's like a game Of who will give in ♪

Shh.

Curry: ♪ and if you do ♪

♪ then I will win ♪

♪ I see the little White secrets you hide ♪

♪ I know what's behind The look in your eyes ♪

♪ what is it that you Are trying to disguise? ♪

♪ running from all the lies ♪

♪ behind the red velvet curtain Waiting to perform ♪

♪ is every truth That you've hidden ♪

♪ or tried to ignore ♪

♪ I think you may Be giving up clues ♪

♪ I'll dig a grave for you If that's true ♪

♪ I see the little White secrets you hide ♪

♪ I know what's behind The look in your eyes ♪

♪ what is it that you Are trying to disguise? ♪

♪ running from-- ♪

[record scratch]

Oh! Oh!

Ah...

Kristin diable: ♪ listen close ♪

♪ it's time that I impart ♪

♪ these words of wisdom ♪

♪ on how flirting is an art ♪

♪ you'll never ever lose ♪

♪ just follow my rules ♪

♪ you'll have Any man you choose ♪

♪ when you follow the rules ♪

♪ just follow the rules ♪

Jenna: where were you All weekend?

I needed you. We all did.

Sam: guys, It was 48 hours.

No one's life Fell apart.

I had shit implode In seconds,

Like, "What was I Thinking with dean?"

And, "Everything Is falling apart,

"And here you are, Crocheting

With "No social Filter" guy."

And me, I went on A date with a guy

I met through Geek 2 geek.

Wait. You're on Geek 2 geek?

Those guys were All over me In high school,

At least they Wanted to be.

I just can't picture you Hooking up with a guy

On a set of "Doctor who" sheets.

What can you Picture?

Ixnay.

Anyway, right As I was about To take him home,

He asked if he Could probe me with His light saber.

Ew.

What was I supposed To say to that?

Jenna: seriously? You have to ask that?

More importantly, Your netflix account

Lapsed in the middle Of my "Walking dead" Marathon.

I couldn't figure out Your security question.

Sam: all you had to do was say The name of our first pet.

I did-- Freaky fanny.

Freaky fido. How could you forget?

I got To call mom.

Everyone survived. Let's just move on.

Fuck that. We're not done Guilt-tripping you yet.

It's way too confusing To make a decision Without you.

Rule number 78-- A wingwoman's job Is never done,

No matter how Depraved things get.

To our favorite Depraved wingwoman.

Cheers.

Ben: my name is ben, And I'm a sex addict.

Hi, ben. Hi, ben. Hi, ben.

You realize this Is all bullshit.

The thrill, The chase...

Wingwomen don't Have any judgment.

Constantly looking Over your shoulder.

It's a fire fueled By shame and guilt.

I think my rock bottom was The day jenna finally left me.

[woman coughs]

I guess it made me realize There was somebody

In the world that I actually cared about

More than myself.

So anyway, I promise to keep Trying every single day.

Thank you.

[applause]

Woman: hi. I'm gloria, And I'm a sex addict.

Hi, gloria. Hi, gloria. Hi, gloria.

I'm just gonna Head to the loo. Ok.

Didn't he just Go to the loo?

I always thought That women sex addicts

Were porn stars Or just slutty girls

With no self-esteem...

[snickers]

Gloria: but then...

What? That's funny.

This is supposed To be serious.

Ben just bared His soul in front Of all these people.

[both moaning]

I've got A blackberry lover

And a couple Of strawberries.

Let's see What I got.

Oh, tutti frutti. Sweet.

They never have that In the variety pack.

I'm attracted To everything.

Even root-shaped vegetables Turn me on.

Me, too.

Yeah?

Stop Elbowing me.

In this room, There is no shame.

[applause]

Oh.

Hi. I'm sam.

Hi, sam. Hi, sam. Hi, sam.

Please go ahead.

No. It's cool.

Really. Come on. Come on.

It's cool.

You really want To know what I think?

The real problem here

Is that you are addicted To the wrong thing--cheating.

You know my Girlfriend is just Next door, right?

Yeah. I know. Oh, keep fucking me.

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes! Yes!

Uh...Uh...

Sam: you should be Sexually addicted to your wives,

Your husbands, Your boyfriends,

Your girlfriends, Your dildos,

Your watermelons, Your whatever.

If you don't have One of those,

What the fuck Is your problem?

You are addicted To these meetings.

Hi. My name is sam,

And I'm gonna Get laid tonight.

Who's with me?

[cheering and applause]

Hey...

Whoa, that's a lot Of cookies.

Oh. They're not All for me.

What you said back there, That took a lot of courage.

Thank you.

Yeah. These meetings Are always such a downer.

I know, right?

It's one sob story After another.

Yeah. Listen.

There's something I always wanted to say,

But I never have The guts to.

Shoot.

I want To have a baby.

Yeah. It's just Weird with a friend,

And I don't want To go in vitro...

Yeah.

And I also don't want A guy that wants

To stay in The picture after.

So you're looking For a hot, smart guy

Who will forget you Exist right after You jump his bones.

Yeah. Am I crazy?

Charlie: Hey, best intern ever

Bringing you Your afternoon pick-me-up.

Ok. Bye. Yeah.

Charlie, Hi, buddy.

Hey, sam.

Uh, this one Is for you, obviously.

There you go.

I wish you were My intern.

Aww. Yeah...

Because that's a Career ladder that's Going somewhere.

Is that Cinnamon?

Nice! You remembered.

Yeah. Ooh...

So what's up?

Actually, I was kind of Hoping I could ask dean

Some advice.

Yes. I'm An open book.

You know what, charlie? That's not a good idea.

It's ok. It's about beth.

I saw on facebook that She's gonna be in chicago For the weekend,

And I'm freaking out.

I have no idea What to do.

All right. You're gonna Need some work.

What you need Is a wingman.

I could be Your wingman.

That's a Terrible idea.

Right. No. Me and you, I think, is--

And not me, Either.

See, what makes blair A fantastic wingman--

Cock. What?

He loves it, can't Get enough of it.

Man, no one Loves cock more Than blair.

Oh, ok. I--

Hmm. Yeah. I'm interested to see--

Is there more To it than that?

You know What, dean? You, shh.

Dean, this is Inappropriate.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm just getting Started.

What? No, no.

All I do is, I drop gems.

Enough. This is my brother.

You don't talk About this stuff--

Let's just at least Hear him out, I think.

Brother thing, No, no, no.

She's only gonna Make that fall off, All right?

Oh, uh-- Exactly.

So here. Stay with me. Yeah. Ok.

Dean, that's gross, And inappropriate.

Hey, you know what, guys? This Has been really informative.

Are you A virgin? I'm his sister.

Enjoy the coffees, But I got it. I got it.

Hey, char-- A wingman!

Preferably one That likes cock!

Hey. Yeah. Sorry. I know you're busy,

But is there any chance you Could meet me in the lobby In 10 minutes?

[door closes]

Megan: Hey, charlie. Charlie: hey.

Um...

Thanks for meeting me.

There's something I wanted to ask you,

But if this is weird, You can just forget That I was even here.

Ok. I'm interested. What's going on?

It's beth.

She's coming into town This weekend,

And I have no idea What to do.

I tried asking My sister and dean,

But they were Too busy bickering

To give me any Actual advice,

And I thought that--

You know what? This is weird. I'm sorry.

I just wanted To think of us as friends,

But this is obviously Way too much too soon.

I should Probably-- No, no, no.

It's cool. We're friends.

I like that.

If you can get her To sit down with you And have a drink,

I think I can help You get her back.

How?

[zip]

[giggles]

Right?

There's some really Good stuff in here.

It is.

How does it feel?

I can see your 4 brain cells Dancing around

Like they've come up With something clever.

Go ahead.

I was just wondering How you like the feeling Of being under me.

From what I hear, it's Pretty disappointing.

Do you really think There's a person On this planet

Who would think you Are more capable Than me at anything?

Uh, your brother.

Hey, guys.

Sit, sit, sit, Sit, sit, please.

So...I know that You're both waiting

About this big decision Today.

So I'm sorry about that.

We just want To make sure that we have The right approach in mind.

Of course. Perfect sense.

Yeah. So the board and I Are in unanimous agreement.

[cell phone chimes]

The new Account supervisor--

One second.

[sighs]

Ok. [chime]

The one who will Be promoted today,

You will find out Momentarily.

Can you believe that? Hold on. Check this out.

That's what I love. Ha ha!

Sorry, guys. It's like catnip.

The one who will be Promoted here today

Is going to be...

Both of you.

I'm sorry? What was that?

Brilliant. Yeah.

That's right, Because you two

Have a perfect Symbiotic relationship.

I mean, between Sam's creativity

And dean's client Relationship skills,

You guys Are an unstoppable team.

It's like dc and marvel...

[whoosh]

Just combined Into two people.

That's how Powerful you are.

You two are the future Of this company.

Make us proud.

Just think about that...

[chime] All the power That that entails.

Dean, is that for me?

Yep.

Be right back.

Looks like you're My new wingman.

How's it feel, Scottie?

What? Basketball?

Ok. That is not cool.

This is like being forced Into an arranged marriage.

Marriage Involves sex.

This, only nagging.

Oh, looks like someone Is alert today.

Did someone slip you Some ginkgo biloba

Into your Pomegranate tea?

You're stuck with me. Peace.

Lex land: ♪ all along, thought That we were going strong ♪

♪ oh, my ♪

♪ well, I know that we've hit Some bumpy roads ♪

♪ it's fine ♪

♪ poor communication ♪

Final bag.

You'd think that after Moving so many times,

I'd be better at this.

Just breathe. Relax.

You're freaking out.

Is it that obvious?

Well, the rigor mortis In your lips is a hint.

Ha ha! It doesn't sound Like such a bad thing.

Maybe they're right.

Maybe you guys Will be great together.

Like itchy and scratchy Are great together.

I'll just have To hope he gets Kidnapped by aliens

Ok. With rectal Thermometers.

Anyway, the whole thing With that guy peter

Didn't really Work out.

What about it?

I was gonna tell you At the bar,

But I think you Steered me the wrong way.

What do you mean?

You vag-blocked me With charlie,

Who's sweet and nice, And I only think

Of you when we have sex.

You gave me the rules,

You set up the plan With peter,

And somehow none of it Seemed to work.

The one common Thread is you.

Megan, first of all, I didn't give you The rules.

You took them, even When I told you

They were stupid And dangerous.

Second of all, I think you're Missing the point.

What is the point?

The common thread Is you.

I'm just Giving you advice.

You take it, Or you leave it.

But the rules Work for you.

Do I look like I have My shit together?

It's a work In progress.

We'll figure it out.

Matthew mayfield: ♪ pretty, young thing ♪

♪ how you feel? ♪

♪ can't get a little... ♪

So where's The baby mama-to-be?

Sam: how'd you get to be A sex addict

If you're afraid To walk into bars?

Yeah. I have Better luck

Picking up guys coming Out of strip clubs.

Gloria, meet my friends Megan and jenna.

This is gloria. We're gonna Make her a baby tonight.

Yeah.

Whoa, easy.

We don't want you passing out On your big night.

I know. I'm so sorry.

I'm just a Little nervous.

So has he Already agreed To this?

No, but it's ok. He owes me.

Oh.

Megan: so what kind of guy Were you looking for?

Hmm, let's see.

Well, maybe A little nerdy But confident,

Handsome, rugged

But with Sensitive eyes.

Forget all that. There's your guy.

Are you sure You're ok with this?

Yeah. Yeah, of course.

There's nothing Between us.

I have ben.

Hi. I'm gloria.

And I'm gay. Hey, ladies.

Hey, partner.

Hey, partner.

Gloria, This is dean.

He's got love 'em And leave 'em in his dna.

Mm.

So you said you wanted To cash in on this bet.

What's my big Punishment?

What's this?

It's gloria. You're gonna fuck. Mm-hmm.

What is this,

Some kind Of a revenge fuck,

Numbers game,

Throwback From gay to straight?

What's the catch?

She's a sex addict, Can go for days.

Hell yeah.

And that's My punishment?

We should bet all the time. Give me a high five.

Nope? Nope.

Ok. Let's go.

You want To get dinner?

Let's do it.

Annmarie cullen: ♪ do I have your attention? ♪

♪ do I have Your attention? ♪

Just so you know, This is gonna take a while.

Ok. Sweet.

Come on. All right.

You got Somewhere to go? Because--

Let go of Your pants.

Your are A fast mover.

Mm.

All right. Shoes off. Yeah.

Ooh, no underwear. Cool.

I'm gonna keep My socks on.

Yeah? Mm-hmm. Uh!

Most guys don't Have the stamina for What's about to happen.

Well, I'm not--

I'm not most guys.

Well, then We shall see.

Hold on one second. Oh, yeah.

Aah! Ha ha!

Get over here. Here we go. Yeah.

Just gonna wrap it up Real quick.

No. We don't Need this.

Uh...

I mean, if you're going--

Ok.

Ohh...Ooh...

Ha ha!

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh...

Oh...Oh...Oh...

Ohh...

Ohh...Ahh...Yeah.

Ooh...Yeah.

You're done already? Yeah.

I mean, it's a marathon. It's not a sprint.

Ah, that's good.

So are you ready For round two?

Yeah. Sure.

Ok. Hold on.

Maybe we need A second or two.

Ok. I'll give you A second.

Maybe just let me Get a--

Ah. Ohh...

Ok. Yeah. Here we go.

Come on. Put a baby in me.

What?

Oh, nothing.

Ok.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Holy--

Yeah. Yeah.

Go. Come on. Oh, yeah. Oh!

Oh...Ooh...

Yeah.

Told you I'm not Most guys.

That's good. Yeah.

How about we take 5?

[panting]

Ah, ok. That was nice.

Here. Give me This pillow.

Yeah. Take a pillow.

Oh, yeah. Do what you got To do.

Ah, yoga. That's a first.

Look. You're Clearly busy.

I'm gonna go get Some water.

No, no, no, no, No, no, no, no. Mm!

We're just Getting started.

Curry: ♪ I walked into a smoky joint ♪

♪ saw you standing there ♪

♪ a whiskey grin Upon your face ♪

♪ makes me want to stare ♪

♪ I've seen your kind A hundred times ♪

♪ you play the ladies well ♪

♪ but I'm a different Kind of dame ♪

♪ I want you for myself ♪

[doorbell rings]

♪ I don't hesitate To get what I want ♪

♪ when I want it, baby ♪

♪ and the music's calling me ♪

Rachel: I cannot believe You threatened to walk

If they didn't Agree to the terms.

We had no leverage.

Well, I'm Learning from you.

Oh, no, not me.

I wouldn't have tried That maneuver.

Salud.

You say that now, But I've seen you

When your back is Against the wall.

Oh, you haven't seen me With my back against the wall.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

So what Are you after--

Home on lake shore, Hot soccer mom wife

With big tits who plays Tennis at the club,

2.3 kids, and a volvo?

Yeah. That doesn't Sound so bad.

But it's not Quite you, is it?

No, not really.

What about you-- Attractive bond trader

Descended from A minor english lord,

Drives a porsche,

Takes you to the caymans Whenever the mood Strikes.

I've had that.

It gets tiresome.

I'm just going To hit the head.

Ok.

I'll be back In a flash.

Hey, I'm rachel. I work with jason.

Yeah. I remember.

You work at lizzie's Desk, right?

Mm-hmm.

You should be Proud of him.

He's on fire these days, Like a man possessed.

Wow, that's great.

It is.

He's not your toy, You know.

Can't just come And take him back

Whenever you Change your mind.

Excuse me? You heard me.

He's not a toy?

Wow, hadn't Realized that.

Fact that You think that

Tells me everything I need to know about you.

Well, whatever you need To tell yourself.

Oh, and another thing,

Fact that you're Hanging out

In toy stores, Little creepy.

You know why? Because you're old.

You know what else? Screw you.

Someone needs To get laid.

Fuck you. Hmm.

Curry: ♪ fickle feet, You don't want me ♪

♪ you start to leave, Then you finally see ♪

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I'll take care Of that.

Curry: ♪ you want me, I don't want you ♪

How come you never Ask me what's wrong?

I figure if you want To tell me, you will,

And if you won't, You won't.

You never complain About anything.

There's nothing to Complain about right now.

But if there were?

If I had something I wanted to say, I'd say it.

What if you thought It would bother me?

Jeez, you are really Ducking it.

Speak.

I saw jason tonight.

He seemed confident, Happy.

He was laughing, Maybe even flirting.

It was like he-- Like he moved on?

Have you?

[slurps]

Curry ♪ what's this game We play? ♪

Do I taste snails?

Fuck her.

I don't know If I've moved on.

Yeah, you do.

[martini shaker rattles]

Would you fuck her?

Yeah. No.

Maybe, but it's not Gonna happen.

Repetition Creates habit,

Creates a new way Of being,

Creates a new life.

The dalai lama Said that.

You are so sexy when you Quote the dalai lama.

Oh, you're Gonna like this.

Excuse me.

If everyone could just Indulge me for a moment--

Thank you. Cheers.

Will you marry me?

I don't know What to say.

Yes! Say yeah.

Say yes! Say yeah.

Can you promise me--

Never again.

I accept...

[cheering and applause]

Under one condition. Anything.

You get cured, And I'm gonna

Wear this on my Right hand for now.

Allow me.

It's so beautiful.

Oh!

Courtesy of The house.

Congrats to the Happy couple.

Thank you.

What the fuck?

Ha! What the fuck?

What's going on?

It's Celebration Night.

[cheering and applause]

What the fuck?

Bryan steele: ♪ oh, look close ♪

♪ inside the frame ♪

♪ so close, so close ♪

♪ not quite the same ♪

Do you have a good Relationship with your exes?

Dana tried To stab me.

So no break-up sex With her, huh?

She tried to stab me During break-up sex.

By the way, I spoke to your ex.

I think she's in need Of a little closure.

You want to be homeless? Go right ahead.

The door is open.

I like it Angry.

And you taste Like sidewalk.