Original subtitles

[sighs]

Morning, lover.

Round two?

Heh. Oh.

I think it's 3, But who's counting?

Heh heh.

Sam: I am! It's 4, And ew!

Both of you, Get in here now!

Uh-oh.

[banging on wall]

[sirens]

Uh, don't worry. She's just clumsy.

Put some coffee on, Sammy.

You have 4 minutes!

4 minutes?

Better make This fast.

The cold and lovely: ♪ sins you do confide ♪

♪ it keeps you sleeping Through the night ♪

Ha ha ha!

♪ it gives you somewhere Safe to hide ♪

♪ you've been Breaking promises ♪

♪ like breaking bread ♪

♪ cutting down Your friends ♪

Yeah! Ha ha ha!

♪ so you can Get ahead ♪

Ha ha ha!

♪ away for free ♪

♪ ooh ♪

Oh, god.

♪ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

Ohh!

♪ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

Ahh. Ha ha ha!

Shh.

[both laughing]

Sam: This isn't funny!

When I said No words colliding, Were you confused?

Did you think there Was some kind

Of special Hot friend Exclusion?

You think I'm hot?

I do.

What makes you think You can screw around With my brother?

He's got that Fresh puppy smell. I love that.

Aw. He's just A little kid.

Trust me, sam. There's nothing Little about--

Stop!

Really? You Actually think that?

Huge.

What part Of "Stop" did you Not understand?

Oh. The stop part.

Charlie!

Sam, you go to Let it go.

I'm 24.

I mean, I've been Offered a threesome.

Were they hot?

Well, it was two guys At the gym,

But it's just nice To be wanted, you know?

The point is I'm not A little kid anymore, ok?

Go to your room!

This is my room. I sleep on your couch.

Go to your room!

Ok, ok.

Aah!

Charlie: oh. Ooh! If I can just Move here.

If I could just-- Sorry.

Kristin diable: ♪ listen close ♪

♪ it's time that I impart ♪

♪ these words of wisdom ♪

♪ on how playing is an art ♪

♪ you'll never ever lose ♪

♪ just follow my rules ♪

♪ you'll have any man You choose ♪

♪ when you follow the rules ♪

♪ just follow The rules ♪

I have to make a decision By friday morning.

All right. Have dean and sam come in

Thursday morning And present to me

Why it should be them Top get the accounts Supervising promotion, ok?

[video game explosions]

What are you doing?

Get the fuck out Of my chair.

Of course.

Here you are.

You won the battle, But you lost the war.

Do you know my eye Twitches convulsively

Every time I hear You speak?

See, you got your chair,

But you lost Your professionalism.

"Why does it matter?" You ask.

I didn't.

We make a great team,

But your flaws prevent You from being a leader.

You lose your cool, And you get emotional.

It's why you should step Aside for this promotion.

What a self-serving Bunch of bullcrap.

Ahh. Another woman Who blames all of mankind

For her own poor judgment.

Poor judgment? You and blair Are the ones

Tempting ben to fuck Half of chicago.

Hey. I sleep around, But I make no bones about it.

Ben showed you who he was, And you ignored him.

Fuck you!

Ok. All right.

Oh, my god. Is it pms time? I mean, really.

Excuse us Just one minute.

Please make out. Please make out.

I need you to Go out with dean Wednesday night.

Yeah. Add that To a list of things That aren't gonna happen.

Listen to me. Get him drunk, Keep hm out late,

Just wreck him.

I need him a mess Thursday morning.

I loathe him.

Of course you do.

Everybody does.

This is how We take him down.

I can check on that For a second.

So...

Drinks wednesday?

Bootleg at 8:00.

Ben: hey. Can you Do me a favor?

What?

I need you to look After jenna for me.

What, like, spy On her?

No, no. Just hang Out with her,

Make sure she's Not off fucking Somebody else.

While you're off Fucking someone else.

Ben, man, you can't Have it both ways.

Yeah, I know, And I am trying.

I really am Working on that,

But, dude, I need You to help me Out right now.

Please. I can't Lose her.

Fine. My price For clam damming

Is courtside Bulls tickets.

Shake it. Do it.

Oh, you are such A fucker.

That's perfect.

It works out great, too, Because for some reason,

She's already asked Me out for drinks On wednesday.

What?! What?

Hey. Where you headed?

I've got an 11:00.

Have a minute?

Yeah. What's up?

Merlin contract Negotiations--

Are they still Giving you The run-around?

Nope. I took Your advice.

When they threatened To bite,

I bit back.

Should be wrapped up In the next few days,

And, jack, those forms I asked you to fax,

They're still On my desk.

Listen. A client Gave me tickets

To a charity event On thursday.

Should be a bunch Of fat cats there

I think we Could land.

If you're free, I thought we might--

Absolutely. Let's go fat cat Hunting together.

Sounds good. I'll catch You later.

Great. And, jack, Can you remember--

[bell tolling]

[french siren]

Why are you being So ridiculous?

[french accent] Why are you being Such a dick?

[normal voice] Hi, sam. Fighting again.

What else is new? Hmm? Ha ha ha! One second.

Actually, I really Need--

If I have to go To one more brunch

With a group Of pseudointellectuals Spouting bullshit,

I will kill myself, And I will drag you Down with me.

Seriously, did any Of these people ever Have a job?

Sam, man, you are So lucky you are not In a relationship.

Actually, that's Part--

Are you saying you Don't respect What I do?

Hmm.

Maybe we should Just talk later.

No, no. Now is A good time.

Hmm. Yeah. Go.

Tell me everything I'm missing.

I found a guy I can't stand.

Hmm. Congratulations.

I bet the sex Is great.

It's awesome. It's hot.

I hate him.

My god, I miss Those days.

I think he's fucking Someone else.

So fuck back.

What?

Rule number 113-- When everything is fucked,

Fuck back.

[speaking french]

Huh?

[knock on door]

I have a question.

Oh. Ok.

Lambshark: ♪ I'm reaching out for you ♪

I don't know If it's right.

Yeah. I don't Know either.

I could help.

I know. I was Thinking that.

Cool.

♪ I do it Just for you ♪

Why are you here?

I think I'm about To lose this big Promotion at work.

The guy who's Gonna get it

Is a real asshole.

You're never gonna Be free while you're Working for somebody else.

I mean, take My kombucha business, You know?

You have A kombucha business?

Yeah. I was actually Thinking you could Come help this saturday

If you want.

Cool. It's a lot of fun.

You'll like it.

Do you want to Make out?

Ok. It's not like sex Doesn't mean anything, ok?

It just doesn't Mean everything.

Hey. Hmm?

How would you feel About some music?

I'm not In the mood.

Really?

Even for, like, Opera or something?

Yeah. I'm not In the mood.

Because I heard This really great song

In my italian class The other week, and--

Ok.

You're right. We need music.

Dude. Yo.

I slept with megan.

She's hot for a girl.

What's the problem?

I just feel guilty Because I still have

All these feelings for My ex-girlfriend beth,

And it's just been This total mindfuck.

Can you help me out?

Yeah. I can Do that.

I can give you Some great advice.

You know what You're gonna do?

You'll go, "Oh, that's Pretty good advice,"

And then You'll ignore it.

You'll do whatever You were gonna do In the first place,

And a lot of people Are gonna get hurt.

You're gonna feel Really guilty.

You're gonna cry, You're gonna call Your mom,

She's gonna cry,

And you're gonna Come back here,

Have a beer, And feel better.

Oh. That's Pretty good advice.

Hey.

I was going to text, But then I thought

I would know everything I needed to when I saw Your reaction.

So what can You tell?

You're excited And a little terrified.

Look. Let me Make this easy.

Should I stay, Or should I go?

Ooh. Clash Reference.

Stay.

For the night?

For starters.

Stop leering. It's creepy.

No moping. It's weak.

[sighs]

Definitely No sighing. It's pathetic.

What's wrong?

I took your advice, And it worked.

What's up?!

What's up is that now I feel terrible.

You got bumps On your ding-ding?

Did she have An adam's apple?

No.

Then what could Possibly be The problem?

I still have feelings For my ex-girlfriend beth,

Which is causing me-- Whoa. Bup, bup.

I can't. Not here.

You know who loves Emotional shit?

Tyler.

When you want to Start talking Like a guy again,

We can pick this Back up, promise.

Now if you'll Excuse me,

I have to go Cock block half Of chicago.

Practice that, too.

Like, me and beth Were planning A life together.

Then out of nowhere, She just breaks up With me,

So I don't know What to do with that,

And then I meet megan, And she's just, like, So cool,

You know what I'm saying?

Man, she's just Really great and funny,

But, like, why do I feel So bad about it then?

I mean, it's not Cheating if you're Broken up, right?

That's like a whole Different other Emotional thing

That I'm dealing With and--

I just feel really Conflicted, you know?

It's like where do I Go from where?

Thanks for talking to me About this.

I feel like you Understand where I'm coming from,

And it's Really helping me out.

Mina maudlin: ♪ but it's you Who held me tight ♪

♪ when I was scared ♪

♪ but it's you ♪

♪ it's just not right, It's just not fair ♪

You know this is Illegal?

Yeah?

So what are we Doing here exactly?

[woman singing puccini's "Un bel dì vedremo" in italian]

The song from My italian class.

You want to paint me?

What?

Oh.

Or you could, uh--

You could sculpt me.

Like...

Clay.

See?

No, thanks.

Can I ask you A question?

Sure.

Are you not Attracted to me?

Heh. What?

What are you Talking about?

Well...

The other night, You never called Me after,

And then I came over To your house,

And that blowtorch Girl was there,

And tonight, I thought we were Gonna make love,

But then we stopped Because I said The opera thing,

Which I know is Weird.

I guess I just don't Ask for weird things That often, and...

Maybe you should.

What?

You wanted music,

And we did break My boom box, so...

Here we are.

Jasmine ash: ♪ lay down ♪

♪ beside me ♪

♪ though you know... ♪

I'm sorry.

I can...

I can put Clothes on.

No. Wait.

♪ let them be Just out of grasp ♪

♪ will we find... ♪

When you said...

Sculpt you...

Did you mean Like this?

Yep. Something Like that.

Or like this?

Or like...

This?

I like that.

Huh. Doesn't seem To be holding its...

Ah! Now it is.

♪ press on ♪

♪ through the distance ♪

♪ though the hurt Is far too deep ♪

♪ be strong ♪

♪ on the outside ♪

♪ for there are things you Cannot change ♪

♪ will we find ♪

♪ to love is just to lie? ♪

♪ what if you're not ♪

♪ who I want? ♪

♪ will we find ♪

♪ to love is just to lie? ♪

♪ what if you're not ♪

♪ who I want? ♪

♪ and what if I'm not ♪

♪ who you thought? ♪

♪ oh, oh ♪

♪ what if I'm not ♪

♪ what if I'm not ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ what if I'm not ♪

♪ what if I'm not ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

Dean: well, would you Look at the time?

We should probably Call it a night.

Ah! We still have To take these shots.

Fuck!

All right.

Cheers! Cheers.

Have you ever played The 3-finger yes/no game?

What the fuck Is that?

Get 3 fingers, 3 questions,

All yes or no answers,

First thing that Comes to your mind. Go!

Do you have a heart?

Yes, but barely.

Do you masturbate?

Yes.

And I only think Of you.

Have you ever had Sex in your office?

No.

Want to get out Of here?

[elevator dings]

What's cool is that They gave me keys Last month.

♪ awesome ♪

Oh, my god.

Yeah. Here is it. Not too bad.

Not bad at all. Not bad.

Looks good At nighttime.

So what I'm gonna do Is I just want to Check out

Some of the presentation Stuff for tomorrow,

Just get it out Of my mind.

It will be awesome.

Let's go over here.

Isn't this Sam's desk?

Yeah, it is, But we do, like, A sharing thing

Where I put some Of my stuff in her files,

And this--yeah. It's--

It's hot in here.

Hot in here. That's very--wow.

You look good in blue. That is crazy,

But what I'd love to do Is just check this out Real quick,

And if I could, I'm just gonna--

You can sit there. It's fine.

It's not a bad idea.

Um...It is hot.

You know what? I can get you some water.

I'm gonna do this. I'll get it.

It's right over there.

Oh, my god! That is a condom! Ha!

You had it Right inside there.

Always be prepared.

"Always be prepared." You're so safe.

I love that About you.

Oh, yeah. It's a neat thing.

Ok, ok. Let's do this.

I see you clearly have Stuff you need to do.

You might be here For a while.

There's keys in my desk,

There's doughnuts In the break room.

You could do-- It's fine.

Oh!

You're not going Anywhere.

Well...

So--oopsies.

Oopsies.

Yeah. This is A bad idea.

Oh, you're sweaty.

How about this? You're ben's girlfriend.

Not anymore.

You're not technically In relationship anymore,

But this could Get messy,

And I don't want it To get messy.

Ben, sam.

You know that Feels really good,

And we could just-- That's the thing.

No, no, no. Ok. Wait, wait. Stop.

Dean, I have known You for a very Long time,

And you're not Gonna be able to Resist this all night.

Yeah. You're right.

Samantha darnell: ♪ ba ba da ba da ♪

Ohh. Ha ha ha.

Yeah. Let's clear This off.

Yes. Hold on, hold on.

Oh, boy.

♪ I will build you up ♪

Yes. Yeah.

Oh, yes.

I've always wanted To fuck on somebody's desk.

Yes. Oh, yes!

Oh, my god. I wish I was A camera person.

Let's make some room, Make some room for this.

Make some room For this ass, yeah.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Locale change. Ohh!

Ok.

Oh, oh, yeah.

You feel amazing.

♪ I will build you up ♪

Oh, my god.

Oh, fuck! Oh, my god!

Yes. Keep this down.

This is what Ben's got.

Oh, my god! Ohh!

Oh...My...God. Yes.

Wait. Oh, no. Ohh!

Yep. This is it. I have to leave.

I'm gonna get going.

Yeah. Uh, don't-- Don't tell ben.

We can do this-- We'll catch up Another time.

I'll give you A call.

I'm gonna just-- Dean.

What?

I have a really nice Bottle of veuve

At my apartment,

And I'm still Really thirsty.

I'm a bit parched. Yeah.

I could do like a--

Come in and have One glass, right?

Heh heh heh. Ohh.

Dean: late night Last night?

You look A little tired.

Oh, this is my day.

Please. Come on. Tell me.

Ooh! God. You're such A fucking...

[cell phone ringing]

[moans]

I thought you said You fucked him up.

I did.

Up, down, sideways.

Shit. He looks Better than ever.

Yeah? Yeah, yeah.

Sounds good.

Give me a second.

[sighs]

Hell of an effort, kid.

Come on. The dipshits Want to see us inside.

I am not losing This.

You've already lost.

Linda good: ♪ oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ there are stars, There are stars ♪

♪ at the bottom of the sea ♪

♪ there is you, there is me ♪

♪ in an endless dream ♪

Sam: you really have No moral compass.

What happens now?

Game on.

Probably shouldn't Take your pants off. Uh-uh.

Who should I be?

Sam: you don't have To put on a show.

Follow your instincts.

Which instincts are Pulling you right now?

I don't know Anything about you.

We'll do this again, Though, right?

You always put her needs Before yours.

You're strong for her.

You're her knight.

Why can't any Of my men Act like that?