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1
00:00:06,208 --> 00:00:09,042
Sorry, babe.
I didn't mean to wake you.
2
00:00:09,042 --> 00:00:11,208
What?
Go back to sleep.
3
00:00:14,042 --> 00:00:16,083
Are you going
Running?
4
00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:18,583
No.
5
00:00:18,583 --> 00:00:21,625
Running is
Super bad for you.
6
00:00:21,625 --> 00:00:24,708
Primal man never ran
Long distances.
7
00:00:24,708 --> 00:00:26,042
If I leave now,
I should be able
8
00:00:26,042 --> 00:00:27,458
To make it to wrigley field
And back before work.
9
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:35,333
Do you want to come?
10
00:00:35,333 --> 00:00:37,708
It's the middle
Of the night.
11
00:00:37,708 --> 00:00:39,875
I know.
12
00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:43,417
No.
13
00:00:46,125 --> 00:00:47,958
Ok.
14
00:00:54,292 --> 00:00:57,917
♪ na na
Na na na na ♪
15
00:00:57,917 --> 00:01:03,000
♪ na na na na na na ♪
16
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,375
♪ I want to play all day ♪
17
00:01:05,375 --> 00:01:07,500
♪ come on and play this game ♪
18
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,708
♪ I want to play all day ♪
19
00:01:09,708 --> 00:01:13,083
♪ come on and love ♪
20
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:23,333
♪ listen closer ♪
21
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,208
♪ it's time that I impart ♪
22
00:01:25,208 --> 00:01:27,042
♪ these words of wisdom ♪
23
00:01:27,042 --> 00:01:29,333
♪ on how playing is an art ♪
24
00:01:29,333 --> 00:01:32,417
♪ you'll never ever lose ♪
25
00:01:32,417 --> 00:01:37,167
♪ just follow my rules ♪
26
00:01:37,167 --> 00:01:40,625
♪ you'll have any man
You choose ♪
27
00:01:40,625 --> 00:01:44,042
♪ when you follow the rules ♪
28
00:01:44,042 --> 00:01:49,417
♪ just follow
The rules ♪
29
00:01:53,208 --> 00:01:55,750
Well, then we can
Take it back to my place.
30
00:01:55,750 --> 00:01:58,708
We can cook up some
Scallops or cod,
31
00:01:58,708 --> 00:02:01,875
Maybe a little bit
Of peanut butter for dessert.
32
00:02:01,875 --> 00:02:04,958
Ha! Exactly.
All right.
33
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,250
Ok. I'll see you
At 6:00. Ok.
34
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,333
Oh, man.
35
00:02:11,333 --> 00:02:13,958
Are you cooking
For a girl?
36
00:02:13,958 --> 00:02:15,583
Yep.
37
00:02:15,583 --> 00:02:17,292
Really?
38
00:02:17,292 --> 00:02:18,750
Oh, yeah.
39
00:02:18,750 --> 00:02:19,833
I never really
Pictured you
40
00:02:19,833 --> 00:02:21,708
As the romantic type.
41
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:23,500
Hmm.
What's her name?
42
00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:26,083
Um, I don't know.
43
00:02:26,083 --> 00:02:26,875
I don't know because
I haven't been to the bar
44
00:02:26,875 --> 00:02:29,125
To pick her yet.
45
00:02:29,125 --> 00:02:32,708
What?
To pick her.
46
00:02:32,708 --> 00:02:34,167
But I thought
You were--
47
00:02:34,167 --> 00:02:36,208
Oh, no, no. That's--
That's my buddy blair.
48
00:02:36,208 --> 00:02:39,750
He's the most
Amazing wingman.
49
00:02:39,750 --> 00:02:41,042
He's like the pippen
To my jordan.
50
00:02:41,042 --> 00:02:43,792
I was already
On top of my game,
51
00:02:43,792 --> 00:02:45,667
And now I'm just
Winning championships.
52
00:02:45,667 --> 00:02:48,458
So you and blair
Are going to a bar,
53
00:02:48,458 --> 00:02:51,625
Where you will
Pick a girl
54
00:02:51,625 --> 00:02:54,417
And take her home
And cook for her?
55
00:02:54,417 --> 00:02:56,792
Yeah. Why am I gonna
Drop all this cash
56
00:02:56,792 --> 00:02:59,000
On these multiple dates
When I can just take her home,
57
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,667
Cook for her,
And be changing her oil
58
00:03:00,667 --> 00:03:02,292
Before I know
Her last name?
59
00:03:02,292 --> 00:03:03,750
Not all women
Are idiots.
60
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:06,167
All right.
61
00:03:06,167 --> 00:03:07,958
I bet I could
Cook for a girl,
62
00:03:07,958 --> 00:03:10,375
Any girl, and she'll
Not only sleep with me,
63
00:03:10,375 --> 00:03:12,542
But I'll have her
Doing the dishes, as well.
64
00:03:12,542 --> 00:03:14,000
You're on.
65
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,292
Oh...
66
00:03:17,292 --> 00:03:18,875
Oh, if I win,
67
00:03:18,875 --> 00:03:20,917
I get to tea-bag
Everything on your desk.
68
00:03:20,917 --> 00:03:24,917
Are you an idiot? No.
69
00:03:24,917 --> 00:03:26,750
All right. Fine.
70
00:03:26,750 --> 00:03:30,042
I get the lead on
The elle lingerie account.
71
00:03:30,042 --> 00:03:32,667
Deal.
72
00:03:32,667 --> 00:03:33,750
And if I win?
73
00:03:33,750 --> 00:03:36,375
Oh, god, anything
You want, princess.
74
00:03:36,375 --> 00:03:37,958
Heh.
75
00:03:42,333 --> 00:03:44,417
It's ok because I've already
Tea-bagged everything
76
00:03:44,417 --> 00:03:46,917
On that desk, anyways.
77
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:56,292
Shit. Fuck.
78
00:03:56,292 --> 00:03:58,708
Tyler, you seem
Really stressed.
79
00:03:58,708 --> 00:04:01,000
Are you ok?
80
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,875
No. I'm definitely
Going through it.
81
00:04:02,875 --> 00:04:05,250
I need something
To calm my nerves.
82
00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:06,417
Sit down. Have a glass
Of wine with me.
83
00:04:06,417 --> 00:04:07,500
It's a fruit.
84
00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:08,292
No. Wine isn't
Gonna cut it.
85
00:04:08,292 --> 00:04:10,625
I need
Something illegal
86
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:13,250
Or a really big dick.
87
00:04:13,250 --> 00:04:15,250
Can't help you
With the dick,
88
00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:17,750
But I do know someone
Who can help you
89
00:04:17,750 --> 00:04:18,583
With all your
Pharmaceutical needs.
90
00:04:18,583 --> 00:04:22,833
Do it.
91
00:04:22,833 --> 00:04:25,792
Mm, fresh meat.
92
00:04:25,792 --> 00:04:28,583
Ah, game on.
93
00:04:28,583 --> 00:04:30,875
Ok.
Game on.
94
00:04:30,875 --> 00:04:33,542
That. Can you--
95
00:04:33,542 --> 00:04:35,250
Douche twat.
96
00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:37,167
Ah, not bad tonight.
97
00:04:37,167 --> 00:04:38,917
It's good.
All right.
98
00:04:38,917 --> 00:04:40,167
How about you
Scope the scene,
99
00:04:40,167 --> 00:04:41,917
And I will order
Us some beers?
100
00:04:41,917 --> 00:04:43,625
Got it.
101
00:04:43,625 --> 00:04:45,208
3 of whatever
You got on tap.
102
00:04:45,208 --> 00:04:47,083
Ok.
Thanks.
103
00:04:47,083 --> 00:04:49,042
I got you a hottie
At 3 o'clock.
104
00:04:49,042 --> 00:04:51,750
Ooh!
That's 9 o'clock.
105
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:54,125
Right.
106
00:04:54,125 --> 00:04:55,042
Ha ha! Yes!
107
00:04:55,042 --> 00:04:57,125
Little, drunk
Marisa tomei.
108
00:04:57,125 --> 00:04:58,625
I like.
What else you got?
109
00:04:58,625 --> 00:05:02,333
Plan "B"--5 o'clock,
Pretty, no self-esteem.
110
00:05:02,333 --> 00:05:04,292
Ooh...
111
00:05:04,292 --> 00:05:06,792
Oh, yes. I love
A good fallback score.
112
00:05:06,792 --> 00:05:08,333
Yeah.
Yes, boys.
113
00:05:08,333 --> 00:05:09,625
Oh!
Oh!
114
00:05:09,625 --> 00:05:10,208
What's happening?
115
00:05:10,208 --> 00:05:11,917
Getting wasted.
116
00:05:11,917 --> 00:05:13,250
Nice one.
117
00:05:13,250 --> 00:05:14,333
Do you have
The tickets?
118
00:05:14,333 --> 00:05:15,500
Certainly do.
119
00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:16,542
Behind the glass?
120
00:05:16,542 --> 00:05:17,875
Couple of nosebleeds
Just for you.
121
00:05:17,875 --> 00:05:19,417
Don't say I never
Do nothing for you.
122
00:05:19,417 --> 00:05:20,875
All right. Can we get
3 golden showers?
123
00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:22,292
I'll take a pass
On the golden shower,
124
00:05:22,292 --> 00:05:23,500
Thank you very much.
125
00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:25,042
Let me get the stick
Out of your ass.
126
00:05:25,042 --> 00:05:25,792
Well, you can, but I'm still
Gonna have to work late.
127
00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:27,875
Cheers, boys.
128
00:05:27,875 --> 00:05:30,125
Cheers.
Cheers.
129
00:05:32,667 --> 00:05:35,583
Whoa.
130
00:05:35,583 --> 00:05:37,875
Ahh. All right.
I'm out.
131
00:05:37,875 --> 00:05:40,500
By the way, secret squirrel
Over by the snooker table,
132
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:42,875
And there was a cheeky
Bit of scruff in the boys' loos
133
00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:44,542
Might be worth
A butcher's.
134
00:05:44,542 --> 00:05:46,250
Take it easy.
135
00:05:48,042 --> 00:05:50,958
I have no idea
What he just said.
136
00:05:50,958 --> 00:05:52,833
I never understand
That dude.
137
00:05:52,833 --> 00:05:54,375
Right. Let me canvass
The wine cellar for you.
138
00:05:54,375 --> 00:05:56,792
Eh.
139
00:05:56,792 --> 00:05:58,000
It is a bone yard
Tonight.
140
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,125
Dude, I got a turkey
141
00:06:00,125 --> 00:06:01,708
In the microwave
Right now.
142
00:06:01,708 --> 00:06:02,875
Let me ring this.
143
00:06:02,875 --> 00:06:04,375
Oh, as-salamu alaykum.
144
00:06:04,375 --> 00:06:05,583
Wa alaykum
Some shit.
145
00:06:05,583 --> 00:06:07,708
All right. I'm going
Straight to plan "B."
146
00:06:07,708 --> 00:06:10,083
Do it.
147
00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:16,750
Hey.
148
00:06:16,750 --> 00:06:20,458
Hey, there.
149
00:06:20,458 --> 00:06:24,292
This is the time of night
Where things get dangerous.
150
00:06:24,292 --> 00:06:26,583
It's 6:15.
Exactly.
151
00:06:26,583 --> 00:06:28,208
You're in big trouble.
152
00:06:28,208 --> 00:06:30,000
Maybe you
Should sit down
153
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:30,958
Before you
Fall down.
154
00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:34,125
Ok. So...
Where were we?
155
00:06:34,125 --> 00:06:36,292
Things were
Getting dangerous.
156
00:06:36,292 --> 00:06:36,833
Have we met before?
157
00:06:36,833 --> 00:06:38,250
I'm jennifer.
158
00:06:38,250 --> 00:06:40,833
Last week, I tried
To hit on you,
159
00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:42,583
And you told me
You were gay.
160
00:06:42,583 --> 00:06:43,542
You sure it was me?
161
00:06:43,542 --> 00:06:46,250
Yes, and now you're
Making eyes
162
00:06:46,250 --> 00:06:48,083
With every woman
In this bar,
163
00:06:48,083 --> 00:06:49,792
And it's driving
Me crazy.
164
00:06:49,792 --> 00:06:51,875
I ain't making those
Eyes for me, girl.
165
00:06:51,875 --> 00:06:54,417
You're not?
Nope.
166
00:06:54,417 --> 00:06:56,958
Bullshit.
It's for my friend.
167
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,042
That's him
Right over there.
168
00:06:59,042 --> 00:07:01,000
He has a little
Trouble opening up.
169
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:04,208
You should see me
Open up.
170
00:07:04,208 --> 00:07:07,000
I don't know
Where you're from,
171
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,167
Jennifer, but
I'm from detroit,
172
00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:13,250
Factory town,
Born and raised.
173
00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:16,542
My father taught me
How to handle a woman.
174
00:07:16,542 --> 00:07:18,792
"Women are like
Steel," he said.
175
00:07:18,792 --> 00:07:21,375
"They're tough
176
00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:22,708
Until they get to
A certain temperature."
177
00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:23,875
Ooh.
178
00:07:23,875 --> 00:07:26,958
"Get them hot enough,
And they will bend.
179
00:07:26,958 --> 00:07:29,208
Oh...
"Then...
180
00:07:29,208 --> 00:07:31,583
"Cool them off.
Oh...
181
00:07:31,583 --> 00:07:34,458
"Then you get them
Hot again.
182
00:07:34,458 --> 00:07:36,458
"You do this all night,
183
00:07:36,458 --> 00:07:38,500
"And they
Will get so hot,
184
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:41,917
They will melt
In your hands."
185
00:07:41,917 --> 00:07:43,458
I want to melt
In your hands.
186
00:07:43,458 --> 00:07:44,042
Do you?
Yes.
187
00:07:44,042 --> 00:07:45,792
Do you?
Yes.
188
00:07:45,792 --> 00:07:47,833
But I'm gay.
189
00:07:47,833 --> 00:07:49,500
Would you like
To meet my friend?
190
00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:51,333
Come on.
191
00:07:51,333 --> 00:07:53,792
Hey, give me a minute.
I'll be right back.
192
00:07:54,958 --> 00:07:57,250
Hello.
Ha!
193
00:07:57,250 --> 00:07:59,292
I'm dean.
Hi.
194
00:07:59,292 --> 00:08:01,083
Looks like someone
Can use a drink.
195
00:08:01,083 --> 00:08:05,583
Mm, I'm dusty.
Ok. Ha ha!
196
00:08:05,583 --> 00:08:07,458
Ha ha ha!
197
00:08:07,458 --> 00:08:09,167
- hi.
- hey.
198
00:08:09,167 --> 00:08:12,250
Just so you know,
199
00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:13,625
You had me
At "Detroit."
200
00:08:13,625 --> 00:08:14,500
What's your drink?
201
00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:17,208
Um, orgasms,
Straight up.
202
00:08:17,208 --> 00:08:18,792
Whoa, ok.
203
00:08:18,792 --> 00:08:20,792
We'll get an orgasm,
Straight up.
204
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,375
Nobody is there.
205
00:08:22,375 --> 00:08:25,792
Ooh, shh shh shh.
Now, here's the question.
206
00:08:25,792 --> 00:08:28,000
Do you like...
Mm-hmm?
207
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,208
A nice,
Home-cooked meal?
208
00:08:30,208 --> 00:08:32,833
Oh! Ha! Yeah.
209
00:08:32,833 --> 00:08:35,375
Yeah? What do you think--
Scallops or cod?
210
00:08:35,375 --> 00:08:38,083
Mm, anything as long
As it's not crabs.
211
00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:39,667
Well, I can't
Promise you that.
212
00:08:39,667 --> 00:08:41,042
What? Ha ha!
213
00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:43,708
Why are women so stupid?
214
00:08:43,708 --> 00:08:46,417
Ach, they're not.
215
00:08:46,417 --> 00:08:47,708
They just act that way
Because they think
216
00:08:47,708 --> 00:08:48,875
That's what
Guys like.
217
00:08:48,875 --> 00:08:50,708
Ok. Yes.
Yeah.
218
00:08:50,708 --> 00:08:53,542
I can't believe
You're drinking wine now.
219
00:08:53,542 --> 00:08:54,458
Primal man
Did not have a way
220
00:08:54,458 --> 00:08:55,750
To derive alcohols
From grains.
221
00:08:55,750 --> 00:08:59,125
Yeah? What does jason
Think of your primal ways?
222
00:08:59,125 --> 00:09:01,292
He's supportive.
223
00:09:01,292 --> 00:09:05,167
It doesn't matter.
This is about me.
224
00:09:05,167 --> 00:09:07,500
Ok. So this is probably
Not the best time
225
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:09,750
To ask for a favor
For me, then, huh?
226
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:10,667
Anything you want.
227
00:09:10,667 --> 00:09:13,000
Will you marry me?
Except that.
228
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:17,542
Seriously.
I need a green card.
229
00:09:17,542 --> 00:09:21,250
I'm...Canadian,
And if I don't get
230
00:09:21,250 --> 00:09:23,750
A government-issued
Piece of paper,
231
00:09:23,750 --> 00:09:26,125
I got to get
The fuck out.
232
00:09:26,125 --> 00:09:29,625
Oh, civilization
Really does suck.
233
00:09:29,625 --> 00:09:33,542
Speaking of uncivilized,
Look at that outfit.
234
00:09:33,542 --> 00:09:35,958
That must be her.
235
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,083
Don't look
So excited.
236
00:09:39,083 --> 00:09:40,208
Candy.
237
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:46,042
Uh... Uh...
No... No...
238
00:09:46,042 --> 00:09:47,083
Just lick it.
Just lick it.
239
00:09:47,083 --> 00:09:48,167
I'm trying.
Ok.
240
00:09:51,542 --> 00:09:52,958
Yeah.
241
00:09:55,625 --> 00:09:56,458
You like what
I made for you?
242
00:09:56,458 --> 00:10:00,042
Um, yeah.
It was so good.
243
00:10:05,125 --> 00:10:08,542
Yes.
244
00:10:08,542 --> 00:10:10,208
So...
Yeah?
245
00:10:10,208 --> 00:10:11,875
Do you like
How I poached
246
00:10:11,875 --> 00:10:15,292
Those japanese
Purple potatoes?
247
00:10:15,292 --> 00:10:18,125
Um, whatever.
Yeah?
248
00:10:21,167 --> 00:10:23,792
Rrrr! Hee hee!
249
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,333
Yeah. Yeah.
250
00:10:28,333 --> 00:10:31,125
Do you like how I braised
Those sea scallops?
251
00:10:31,125 --> 00:10:32,000
Whatever.
Yeah?
252
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,958
Yeah. Let's switch it.
Aah!
253
00:10:37,083 --> 00:10:40,125
Oh, yeah.
254
00:10:40,125 --> 00:10:42,083
Nasty. Oh, my god.
255
00:10:42,083 --> 00:10:44,750
Oh, kiss me.
256
00:10:45,917 --> 00:10:50,208
Holy god. Oh, yeah.
257
00:10:50,208 --> 00:10:51,875
Cost me a lot of--
Shut up.
258
00:10:51,875 --> 00:10:54,167
Ok.
Ha ha!
259
00:10:57,833 --> 00:11:01,000
Shh. No more talking.
Ok.
260
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,583
No more talking!
Mm-hmm.
261
00:11:02,583 --> 00:11:03,292
Aah!
262
00:11:04,833 --> 00:11:09,458
Aah! Oh! Yes!
263
00:11:09,458 --> 00:11:10,708
Ha ha! Yes.
264
00:11:10,708 --> 00:11:12,875
Yeah. Yeah.
265
00:11:12,875 --> 00:11:13,292
Yeah?
Yeah.
266
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:17,958
Ha ha!
Ooh...
267
00:11:17,958 --> 00:11:19,750
Do one thing for me.
268
00:11:19,750 --> 00:11:22,167
Anything.
269
00:11:22,167 --> 00:11:23,708
Yeah?
Yeah.
270
00:11:23,708 --> 00:11:27,125
Do my dishes.
271
00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:29,250
What?
Yeah.
272
00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:30,250
When we're all done,
I want you to do
273
00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:32,750
All my dishes
Completely naked.
274
00:11:32,750 --> 00:11:35,708
It's a huge fantasy.
275
00:11:35,708 --> 00:11:39,292
That's so weird.
Really?
276
00:11:39,292 --> 00:11:42,167
Yeah. That's
So fucked up.
277
00:11:42,167 --> 00:11:43,500
Come on.
278
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:46,125
That's like some fifties
Misogynistic porn shit.
279
00:11:46,125 --> 00:11:47,458
Oh, come on.
280
00:11:47,458 --> 00:11:50,042
No fucking way.
What a turnoff.
281
00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:52,042
I was just kidding.
282
00:11:52,042 --> 00:11:53,917
Is it too much to ask
For a simple
283
00:11:53,917 --> 00:11:56,333
Pick up a guy at a bar
And have a no-strings-attached
284
00:11:56,333 --> 00:11:57,542
Fuck on a wednesday night?
285
00:11:57,542 --> 00:12:00,250
But then you have to go
And start cooking me
286
00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:01,833
Some weird food crap?
287
00:12:01,833 --> 00:12:03,167
I'm not even hungry.
288
00:12:03,167 --> 00:12:04,542
Ok. Come on.
289
00:12:04,542 --> 00:12:06,167
I didn't even buy
That crap for you.
290
00:12:06,167 --> 00:12:07,500
I bought it for
A date I have tomorrow.
291
00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:09,833
Oh, dude, grow up.
Wha--
292
00:12:11,583 --> 00:12:13,958
Guess I'm doing
The dishes myself.
293
00:12:21,042 --> 00:12:23,125
Hmm...Hi.
294
00:12:23,125 --> 00:12:25,917
Hey.
295
00:12:25,917 --> 00:12:29,625
I was waiting.
Where have you been?
296
00:12:29,625 --> 00:12:32,333
I texted you.
At bootleg.
297
00:12:34,083 --> 00:12:37,250
Primal man
Had booze?
298
00:12:37,250 --> 00:12:39,208
Wine is a fruit.
299
00:12:39,208 --> 00:12:41,583
Oh.
300
00:12:41,583 --> 00:12:44,042
Tyler is canadian.
Did you know that?
301
00:12:44,042 --> 00:12:45,250
He needs
A green card asap,
302
00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:47,208
Or he's gonna have
To leave the country.
303
00:12:47,208 --> 00:12:49,750
Hmm, really?
Tyler is being dramatic.
304
00:12:49,750 --> 00:12:52,083
What a surprise.
305
00:12:52,083 --> 00:12:54,875
No. It's serious.
He'll get deported.
306
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,167
Ok. I'll talk to him.
307
00:12:56,167 --> 00:13:01,167
I'm sure there's
A legal loophole.
308
00:13:01,167 --> 00:13:01,875
Think I'm gonna
Hit the sack.
309
00:13:01,875 --> 00:13:04,208
You want to join me?
310
00:13:04,208 --> 00:13:06,667
I don't know why
I feel so bloated
311
00:13:06,667 --> 00:13:08,750
And exhausted
Tonight.
312
00:13:08,750 --> 00:13:10,417
I can't.
313
00:13:10,417 --> 00:13:14,375
I have to do my new
Meditative breathing thing.
314
00:13:14,375 --> 00:13:15,167
Ok.
315
00:13:51,833 --> 00:13:54,000
Do you have
Any ice cream?
316
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,625
Sex, romance, love--
317
00:13:56,625 --> 00:14:00,000
I would choose ice cream
Over all of it.
318
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,333
I know.
319
00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:03,417
I was just thinking
The same thing.
320
00:14:05,167 --> 00:14:07,167
Just kidding.
321
00:14:07,167 --> 00:14:07,542
I don't think I was
Actually thinking that.
322
00:14:30,375 --> 00:14:34,625
♪ I'm singing
In the-- ♪
323
00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:36,833
♪ just swinging
For you ♪
324
00:14:36,833 --> 00:14:40,292
♪ I want to... ♪
325
00:14:40,292 --> 00:14:45,708
Let me get--
Oh, yeah.
326
00:14:45,708 --> 00:14:48,333
Let me just get a little
Focus on those tits, then.
327
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,417
Oh, god, this
Is fucking amazing.
328
00:14:56,917 --> 00:14:59,333
Oh, that's it.
329
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:02,167
Oh, I have to
Remember this for later.
330
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:04,958
I could fuck you
Back to back.
331
00:15:08,833 --> 00:15:11,333
Stupid,
Fucking asshole.
332
00:15:22,333 --> 00:15:23,625
Fuck you.
333
00:15:29,125 --> 00:15:31,000
You fucking asshole,
334
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,458
I hope you go
To fucking hell.
335
00:15:33,458 --> 00:15:35,667
You all right, love?
336
00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:58,083
Who is it?
337
00:15:58,083 --> 00:16:00,500
Oh, it's my friend
Jenna.
338
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:05,333
She's really cool.
339
00:16:05,333 --> 00:16:08,083
Should I answer?
340
00:16:08,083 --> 00:16:11,042
We're cool.
341
00:16:11,042 --> 00:16:14,917
Yeah. We are.
Mm.
342
00:16:16,833 --> 00:16:18,667
Hey, jenna.
343
00:16:18,667 --> 00:16:21,333
Hey, sam, what are you
Doing right now?
344
00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:25,125
Oh, I'm just hanging out
With my friend megan
345
00:16:25,125 --> 00:16:26,000
Here on
The fire escape.
346
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,125
Can I come over?
347
00:16:28,125 --> 00:16:31,750
Oh. Well, yeah.
You could come over.
348
00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:33,875
Like now?
349
00:16:33,875 --> 00:16:34,500
Oh, sure.
350
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:37,958
Ok.
351
00:16:37,958 --> 00:16:39,167
That's ok, right?
352
00:16:39,167 --> 00:16:40,542
That would be
Awesome.
353
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:42,917
Ok. Cool.
354
00:16:42,917 --> 00:16:43,708
I don't really
Have any friends.
355
00:16:43,708 --> 00:16:47,042
Me, neither.
356
00:16:47,042 --> 00:16:49,875
I had one friend,
But she moved.
357
00:16:51,792 --> 00:16:54,500
I found a sex tape.
358
00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:56,167
Oh, honey.
359
00:16:56,167 --> 00:16:57,750
Megan,
Vodka tonic.
360
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:58,292
Coming right up.
361
00:17:02,833 --> 00:17:04,625
What happened?
362
00:17:04,625 --> 00:17:06,000
I literally
Just forgave him,
363
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,667
And then this skank
Texts him
364
00:17:07,667 --> 00:17:09,167
With this video.
365
00:17:09,167 --> 00:17:12,458
You checked
His text messages?
366
00:17:12,458 --> 00:17:14,417
You always check
Their text messages.
367
00:17:14,417 --> 00:17:15,333
This happened to lizzie
All the time
368
00:17:15,333 --> 00:17:17,417
Before she mastered
The rules.
369
00:17:17,417 --> 00:17:18,875
What?
370
00:17:18,875 --> 00:17:20,000
Oh, these rules I used to
Follow with my friend lizzie.
371
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,417
They're stupid.
What rules?
372
00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:23,958
It's like a handbook--
373
00:17:23,958 --> 00:17:25,333
"How to get laid
Without getting screwed."
374
00:17:25,333 --> 00:17:26,500
It's stupid.
375
00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:29,083
Oh, my god,
I love handbooks.
376
00:17:31,667 --> 00:17:34,625
Wow.
377
00:17:34,625 --> 00:17:37,667
They haven't really
Been working for me,
378
00:17:37,667 --> 00:17:38,792
But your rules
Work for you.
379
00:17:38,792 --> 00:17:40,750
You have
A boyfriend.
380
00:17:40,750 --> 00:17:42,958
Yeah, but I had to break
The rules to get him.
381
00:17:42,958 --> 00:17:44,208
Oh? Like what?
382
00:17:44,208 --> 00:17:45,917
Like rule number 43--
Never fall in love
383
00:17:45,917 --> 00:17:47,042
With a guy you meet
At a bar.
384
00:17:47,042 --> 00:17:48,750
You're in love?
No.
385
00:17:48,750 --> 00:17:49,417
I'm not in love.
I just--
386
00:17:49,417 --> 00:17:51,750
You're not
In love?
387
00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:53,792
No. I mean,
I might be maybe.
388
00:17:53,792 --> 00:17:56,667
Do you still
Have it?
389
00:17:56,667 --> 00:17:58,292
Yeah, but these rules
Are stupid.
390
00:17:58,292 --> 00:18:00,167
They're a waste
Of time.
391
00:18:00,167 --> 00:18:02,375
Can we see it?
392
00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:07,417
"The best way
To get over a guy
393
00:18:07,417 --> 00:18:09,208
Is to get under
Another guy."
394
00:18:09,833 --> 00:18:12,708
"Rule number 67--
395
00:18:12,708 --> 00:18:14,583
Douches are bad
For your vagina."
396
00:18:14,583 --> 00:18:17,500
Vodka?
397
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:19,000
"Rule number 17--
398
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:22,208
Don't cry.
Make him cry."
399
00:18:24,167 --> 00:18:26,708
"Rule number one--
400
00:18:26,708 --> 00:18:29,500
There's more than one
Way to fuck a man."
401
00:18:30,833 --> 00:18:33,583
Truer words have
Never been spoken.
402
00:18:33,583 --> 00:18:36,500
Sam, these
Are amazing.
403
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:38,375
I'm in.
When can we start?
404
00:18:38,375 --> 00:18:41,333
I'm telling you,
These rules are dangerous.
405
00:18:41,333 --> 00:18:44,042
They make you feel invincible,
But you're not.
406
00:18:44,042 --> 00:18:46,583
They would be
Dangerous
407
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:48,958
If we didn't have
Someone to lead us.
408
00:18:48,958 --> 00:18:51,500
Well...
409
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:53,292
I'm not gonna lead you
Down a path
410
00:18:53,292 --> 00:18:55,833
Of depravity
And destruction.
411
00:18:55,833 --> 00:18:57,458
You are much too young,
And you--
412
00:18:57,458 --> 00:18:58,708
Come on, sam!
Just let me try it.
413
00:18:58,708 --> 00:19:02,500
I mean--
Shh!
414
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:04,875
You did,
And you're awesome.
415
00:19:06,375 --> 00:19:09,333
I can't stop you.
416
00:19:09,333 --> 00:19:12,542
When shit hits the fan,
Don't say I didn't warn you.
417
00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:13,458
How about this?
418
00:19:13,458 --> 00:19:14,625
Whenever I need
To talk to you
419
00:19:14,625 --> 00:19:16,917
Or you need to talk to me,
We'll just yell,
420
00:19:16,917 --> 00:19:18,333
"Fire escape," and
We'll meet out there.
421
00:19:18,333 --> 00:19:19,833
How are you gonna
Hear each other?
422
00:19:19,833 --> 00:19:21,375
Thin walls.
Thin walls.
423
00:19:21,375 --> 00:19:23,167
Well, what
About me?
424
00:19:23,167 --> 00:19:24,958
Cell phones.
425
00:19:24,958 --> 00:19:27,000
Ok.
426
00:19:38,125 --> 00:19:42,917
You sent the sex tape
To my mum.
427
00:19:42,917 --> 00:19:45,000
You made the
Fucking sex tape.
428
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,417
I told you about this.
We talked about it.
429
00:19:46,417 --> 00:19:47,958
I confessed,
And you forgave me.
430
00:19:47,958 --> 00:19:49,708
I saw your phone
Earlier--
431
00:19:49,708 --> 00:19:51,083
"What are you
Doing later?"
432
00:19:51,083 --> 00:19:52,167
I'm such a fucking asshole
To think that you
433
00:19:52,167 --> 00:19:54,583
Were actually
Working late.
434
00:19:54,583 --> 00:19:56,833
I was fucking
Working late.
435
00:19:56,833 --> 00:19:58,167
What?
436
00:19:58,167 --> 00:20:00,208
I was working late.
We were all there.
437
00:20:00,208 --> 00:20:01,458
You can ask anyone
At the office.
438
00:20:01,458 --> 00:20:02,583
Call them.
439
00:20:02,583 --> 00:20:03,958
But you said you needed
To take a shower
440
00:20:03,958 --> 00:20:05,875
When you got home because
You needed to smell nice.
441
00:20:05,875 --> 00:20:07,625
I wanted to take a
Shower because I wanted
442
00:20:07,625 --> 00:20:09,042
To have sex
With you tonight
443
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,125
Without
Smelling like some
444
00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:11,250
Sweaty office worker
Who spent
445
00:20:11,250 --> 00:20:12,958
All fucking day
In the bloody office.
446
00:20:12,958 --> 00:20:14,125
How do you think
I'm gonna know--
447
00:20:14,125 --> 00:20:16,458
Jenna, if I could take
Back the 15 minutes
448
00:20:16,458 --> 00:20:18,208
Of my life that I spent
Fucking that girl--
449
00:20:18,208 --> 00:20:20,042
Who, by the way,
Was only doing it
450
00:20:20,042 --> 00:20:21,000
To get back at
Someone else--
451
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,167
I would,
But I can't.
452
00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:25,750
You ever think I'm gonna get
That image out of my head?
453
00:20:25,750 --> 00:20:29,333
I am sorry.
454
00:20:29,333 --> 00:20:31,958
I am honestly,
Truly sorry,
455
00:20:31,958 --> 00:20:34,625
But I don't know what
Else I'm supposed to do.
456
00:20:34,625 --> 00:20:36,000
I know
What you can do.
457
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,875
What?
Let me hit you.
458
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,083
Hit me.
459
00:20:46,708 --> 00:20:49,458
Ah! What the hell?
460
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:10,333
Oh...
461
00:21:21,750 --> 00:21:24,500
Mm...
462
00:21:46,542 --> 00:21:48,333
Can you tell me
What fabric this is?
463
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,250
This is satin,
Really cheap satin.
464
00:21:52,250 --> 00:21:56,042
Exactly. I ordered
Top-quality silk.
465
00:21:56,042 --> 00:21:57,042
Oh, no.
466
00:21:57,042 --> 00:21:59,375
Camilla will be back
Any minute.
467
00:21:59,375 --> 00:21:59,917
Will you
Have a seat?
468
00:21:59,917 --> 00:22:01,917
Don't worry.
469
00:22:01,917 --> 00:22:03,250
She'll take care
Of this.
470
00:22:03,250 --> 00:22:04,250
Oh...
471
00:22:14,792 --> 00:22:17,375
Is that
"Electric holiday"?
472
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,417
Hello?
473
00:22:23,833 --> 00:22:24,750
Hi.
474
00:22:24,750 --> 00:22:26,292
I'm sorry.
475
00:22:26,292 --> 00:22:28,750
I was literally just
Singing that song
476
00:22:28,750 --> 00:22:30,750
Before you came in.
477
00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:32,083
It's the
Greatest remix.
478
00:22:32,083 --> 00:22:33,958
They're geniuses.
479
00:22:33,958 --> 00:22:35,375
Total geniuses.
480
00:22:35,375 --> 00:22:36,000
I'm going
To their concert
481
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,792
Tonight, actually.
482
00:22:37,792 --> 00:22:39,958
No way. I had no idea
They were in town.
483
00:23:05,250 --> 00:23:07,458
Would you like
To go with me?
484
00:23:07,458 --> 00:23:10,792
Sure.
485
00:23:10,792 --> 00:23:13,542
Megan,
486
00:23:13,542 --> 00:23:15,750
I'm sorry to interrupt
Your social calendar,
487
00:23:15,750 --> 00:23:17,750
But apparently, shawn and I
Have business to attend to.
488
00:23:22,083 --> 00:23:25,833
Just give me a call.
Great.
489
00:23:27,542 --> 00:23:29,333
Mm! Mm!
490
00:23:31,500 --> 00:23:34,583
Mm-hmm. Mm.
491
00:23:34,583 --> 00:23:36,167
I can't wait
To have sex with you.
492
00:23:36,167 --> 00:23:37,250
Me, too.
493
00:23:37,250 --> 00:23:40,917
Ha ha ha! Oh...
494
00:23:40,917 --> 00:23:42,417
Hey, do you have
A stereo in here?
495
00:23:42,417 --> 00:23:44,583
I think so. I'm still
Kind of unpacking.
496
00:23:44,583 --> 00:23:46,250
Uh...Oh.
Right there.
497
00:23:46,250 --> 00:23:48,708
I want to fuck to
"Electric holiday."
498
00:23:48,708 --> 00:23:50,583
That's my fantasy.
499
00:23:50,583 --> 00:23:53,417
Mine, too.
500
00:23:57,083 --> 00:23:59,417
Ha ha!
501
00:23:59,417 --> 00:24:01,708
♪ oh, oh ♪
502
00:24:01,708 --> 00:24:05,833
♪ oh, oh ♪
503
00:24:05,833 --> 00:24:07,250
Ha!
Ha ha ha!
504
00:24:07,250 --> 00:24:10,167
♪ oh, oh,
Is the feelings real? ♪
505
00:24:10,167 --> 00:24:13,667
Ha ha ha!
506
00:24:13,667 --> 00:24:17,917
♪ decided to take a ride ♪
507
00:24:17,917 --> 00:24:21,583
♪ on the train
Through the night ♪
508
00:24:21,583 --> 00:24:24,375
♪ leaving work behind ♪
509
00:24:24,375 --> 00:24:29,333
♪ it's hard,
But it feels so right, baby ♪
510
00:24:29,333 --> 00:24:32,500
♪ trucking through the night ♪
511
00:24:32,500 --> 00:24:36,542
♪ got my drink,
And it feels so right ♪
512
00:24:36,542 --> 00:24:39,208
Ha ha ha!
513
00:24:39,208 --> 00:24:41,667
Hee hee hee!
514
00:24:41,667 --> 00:24:44,667
Whoo!
515
00:24:44,667 --> 00:24:47,250
Ha ha ha!
516
00:24:47,250 --> 00:24:50,042
Mm...
517
00:24:50,042 --> 00:24:51,833
Mm...
518
00:24:51,833 --> 00:24:55,458
Ha ha! Hee hee!
519
00:24:55,458 --> 00:24:57,417
Ha ha ha!
520
00:25:01,042 --> 00:25:02,792
♪ the electric train ♪
521
00:25:02,792 --> 00:25:05,750
♪ my holiday ♪
522
00:25:05,750 --> 00:25:09,042
♪ goes chugga chugga chugga
Chugging thataway ♪
523
00:25:09,042 --> 00:25:12,542
♪ like water skis,
My batman knees ♪
524
00:25:12,542 --> 00:25:16,042
♪ over, over, over
To infinity ♪
525
00:25:16,042 --> 00:25:17,708
Ha ha ha!
526
00:25:17,708 --> 00:25:19,917
Ahh...
527
00:25:19,917 --> 00:25:21,917
Ha ha ha!
528
00:25:21,917 --> 00:25:24,000
♪ goes chugga chugga
Chugga chugging thataway ♪
529
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:27,792
♪ like water skis,
My batman knees ♪
530
00:25:27,792 --> 00:25:35,042
♪ over, over, over
To infinity ♪
531
00:25:35,042 --> 00:25:37,833
♪ over, over, over ♪
532
00:25:37,833 --> 00:25:42,542
♪ over, over, over ♪
533
00:25:42,542 --> 00:25:46,042
♪ over, over, over ♪
534
00:25:46,042 --> 00:25:49,083
♪ over, over, over ♪
535
00:25:49,083 --> 00:25:54,958
♪ over, over, over
To infinity ♪
536
00:26:00,250 --> 00:26:03,458
♪ the electric train,
My holiday ♪
537
00:26:03,458 --> 00:26:08,042
♪ goes chugga chugga chugga
Chugging thataway ♪
538
00:26:08,042 --> 00:26:11,250
♪ like water skis,
My batman knees ♪
539
00:26:11,250 --> 00:26:15,917
♪ over, over, over
To infinity ♪
540
00:26:15,917 --> 00:26:19,208
♪ the electric train,
My holiday ♪
541
00:26:19,208 --> 00:26:22,750
♪ goes chugga chugga chugga
Chugging thataway ♪
542
00:26:22,750 --> 00:26:26,875
♪ like water skis,
My batman knees ♪
543
00:26:26,875 --> 00:26:32,167
♪ over, over, over
To infinity ♪
544
00:26:37,125 --> 00:26:38,833
So how was your day?
545
00:26:38,833 --> 00:26:40,917
Mm, today was great.
546
00:26:40,917 --> 00:26:42,500
Tried a west african
Dance class.
547
00:26:42,500 --> 00:26:43,417
It was really fun.
548
00:26:43,417 --> 00:26:45,625
Do you want
To come next week?
549
00:26:45,625 --> 00:26:47,167
Not really.
550
00:26:51,917 --> 00:26:53,208
So how was your day?
551
00:26:55,750 --> 00:26:58,042
My day was good.
552
00:26:58,042 --> 00:27:02,125
Just a lot
Of boring work stuff.
553
00:27:02,125 --> 00:27:04,458
Hmm.
554
00:27:04,458 --> 00:27:05,292
How are your
New friends?
555
00:27:05,292 --> 00:27:08,958
Oh, they're good,
I think.
556
00:27:08,958 --> 00:27:10,208
They have
Their phones off,
557
00:27:10,208 --> 00:27:12,750
So they're probably
Getting laid.
558
00:27:12,750 --> 00:27:14,958
Really? That's the first
Thing you think of
559
00:27:14,958 --> 00:27:17,042
When you can't
Reach someone?
560
00:27:18,917 --> 00:27:24,375
Old habits, I guess.
561
00:27:24,375 --> 00:27:26,292
Sam, can we talk?
562
00:27:30,500 --> 00:27:32,167
Sure.
563
00:27:32,167 --> 00:27:34,958
I'm just worried
That you're coping
564
00:27:34,958 --> 00:27:37,792
With lizzie being gone by
Doing all this weird stuff,
565
00:27:37,792 --> 00:27:39,792
And I don't think
It's healthy.
566
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,792
Weird stuff?
567
00:27:45,792 --> 00:27:48,292
You think the stuff
That I do is weird?
568
00:27:48,292 --> 00:27:50,542
Well, it's not normal
To wake up at 3:30
569
00:27:50,542 --> 00:27:52,292
In the morning
And go slow walking
570
00:27:52,292 --> 00:27:55,125
To wrigley field
And back.
571
00:27:55,125 --> 00:27:56,833
It's not normal
To deprive yourself
572
00:27:56,833 --> 00:27:58,125
Of conventional
Forms of nutrition.
573
00:28:02,875 --> 00:28:04,708
It's normal for me.
574
00:28:04,708 --> 00:28:07,167
No, it's not.
575
00:28:07,167 --> 00:28:10,333
You're a totally
Different person
576
00:28:10,333 --> 00:28:13,458
That I can't recognize.
577
00:28:17,250 --> 00:28:19,875
Well, this is me.
578
00:28:19,875 --> 00:28:23,833
This is me now.
579
00:28:29,167 --> 00:28:32,750
I think we have
To break up.
580
00:28:36,792 --> 00:28:38,000
What?
581
00:29:08,833 --> 00:29:11,125
Next on "Girl's guide
To depravity"...
582
00:29:11,125 --> 00:29:12,250
So does this mean
You're gonna be extra bitchy
583
00:29:12,250 --> 00:29:14,333
Because you're not
Getting laid?
584
00:29:14,333 --> 00:29:15,333
Did the andrews
Contract come in?
585
00:29:15,333 --> 00:29:17,417
I was just about
To bring it in.
586
00:29:17,417 --> 00:29:21,000
But instead, you wrote
Yourself some moronic notes.
587
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:21,625
Ben?
588
00:29:21,625 --> 00:29:22,875
Hey, you.
589
00:29:22,875 --> 00:29:26,375
You're terrible.
590
00:29:26,375 --> 00:29:28,083
Ah, this is so much
More fun than the gym.
591
00:29:28,083 --> 00:29:29,125
Aah!
592
00:29:29,125 --> 00:29:31,167
That's just charlie.
It's my brother.
593
00:29:31,167 --> 00:29:33,042
You guys just
Hang out here?
594
00:29:33,042 --> 00:29:36,250
Ok, kids.
Not gonna happen.
595
00:29:36,250 --> 00:29:38,000
You're about
To get lucky.
596
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:39,000
Whoa, what
Are you doing?
39009
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