Original subtitles

♪ A Netflix Original ♪

♪ I want y'all to meet my family ♪

♪ They're coming down south To stay with me ♪

- ♪ Big Moz! ♪ - ♪ Do you love me? ♪

- ♪ Yep ♪ - ♪ I'm Cocoa! ♪

♪ Jade in the house, I've got a lot to say I'm a big sis, can't-miss renegade ♪

♪ Call me Shaka now I'm the, I'm the chief rocker now ♪

♪ Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi That's me ♪

♪ Little mommy, I'm Ami ♪

♪ Singing loud and having fun ♪

♪ It's Family Reunion ♪

♪ Hey, hey! ♪

We'll show these kids how to battle the old-fashioned way.

Those video-game-playing weaklings won't know what hit 'em.

You ready?

Here we go, baby. On my signal.

Go over there!

I'm hit!

Go on without me!

Okay.

Grace! My older baby sister! No!

Huh, huh?

Oh, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Here we go.

All right, all right. Easy.

I'm sorry it has to end like this.

I'm not.

Tell your mom I love her and she better not remarry!

- What the heck is going on in here? - Hey, hey, hey!

Yeah, yeah. Hey! What... what is going on?

- Uh, don't act like you weren't playing. - Yeah, Moz. Daniel.

You should be ashamed of yourselves. I tried to stop 'em, M'Dear.

Be calm, Melly. Be calm.

Whatever.

Clean this stuff up.

- He's talking to you. - To you.

M'Dear hasn't been acting like herself lately.

Yeah. I mean, she never passes on whupping some behind.

Me either.

It is a perfect day for a bike ride.

And for wearing fitted sweats afterwards to the supermarket

for all that unwanted attention.

Did it work?

No.

Man, I miss being active. Can't wait till my knee is 100 again.

It serves you right.

Your middle-aged, heavy behind had no business jumping in a bouncy house.

You know, Dad, you should come with me. It's really great exercise.

No, no. I get enough exercise walking to the bathroom three times a night.

Getting old is no fun.

That reminds me. Someone special has a birthday comin' up.

Boy, what did I tell you about using the "B" word?

M'Dear!

How old will you be?

How old do I look?

Uh...

Six... six...

Sixteen!

Close enough.

Grandpa, how old will she be really?

Well, she's confused me so much over the years, I really don't know.

You know, at one point,

I was worried that I might be arrested for marrying a minor.

You know, I really love birthdays. Are you excited about yours, M'Dear?

Well, I was, but a friend of mine passed yesterday. Phyllis.

Oh, no. I'm so sorry. I... I loved Ms. Phyllis.

Yeah. Me too.

You know, we met in the third grade, and I was in all six of her weddings.

She was much better at picking friends than husbands.

Now I understand why you've been out of sorts.

Yeah.

This year, I don't even want to celebrate my birthday.

Wow, M'Dear's really depressed.

Yeah, guys.

Maybe we should cancel her surprise party.

No. No, no, no. It'll be good for her.

Melly loves a party.

Well, you know her best.

Yeah, and I also know I can't return 100 pounds of shrimp.

Okay, spread out and look for any photos

or other memorabilia that could be used for the party.

But remember, only things M'Dear won't miss.

You mean like Mazzi?

There's a safe in the closet, but there isn't any money in it.

What I do in my spare time is my business.

- I wonder why it isn't locked. - Probably can't remember the combination.

Look, it's one of Uncle Daniel's report cards.

It has no grades in it. It just says, "Call me immediately."

Just a bunch of financial forms with Mom and Dad's name on it.

Whoa.

It's a bankruptcy filing.

In Monopoly, bankruptcy's bad.

Yeah, it's bad in real life too. It means Mom and Dad are broke.

- Aw, man, that means we're broke. - Why didn't they tell us?

Well, they probably didn't want us to get scared and freak out.

Well, it didn't work, 'cause now I'm scared and freaking out!

You know, this is all your fault, Jade.

Thanks to those acrylic nails, the rest of us don't have a college fund.

Don't blame me.

That robotics program you're in is ridiculously expensive.

At least I'm getting an education that will help this family out of poverty.

Okay, my musical talent will help if we have to sing for our supper.

No offense, we're gonna starve.

No, guys. Mom and Dad will find a way to support us.

We just need to help them.

- Does that mean what I think? - Don't say it!

I have to.

We're going to have to get...

...jobs!

♪ Hey, hey! ♪

Hey, Hot Dog Lady.

How'd the first day go?

They made me clean the public restroom. I saw things that I will never unsee!

All for what? Maybe $70?

Forty-five after taxes.

All done, sir.

Thank you.

All right.

Who's next?

You know you're cutting hair, not mowing a lawn?

Focus on what we talked about, and I'll see you next week.

The next time you have a book report, don't be nervous. Just breathe.

Life coaching is my calling.

Seriously, with my help, Jade, you can still graduate high school on time.

Wha...

Um, I will have you know that my counselor said

that I could get into Tippano Technical Institute.

It's the Harvard of community colleges!

All right. So how did you guys do?

Uh, between the three of us, we made...

eight-fifty.

That's not even enough for a corn dog combo.

We have to work harder, guys. They can't afford to keep us all.

You're right. They'll probably get rid of the weakest link.

Give me that.

Sorry, little bro, but we'll keep in touch.

I'm sure you'll find a great forever home.

Oh, I heard the Gonzalezes have always wanted a son.

Well, they do have a pool.

Melly, why are you in here pretending to be asleep?

- Your birthday dinner's getting cold. - Leave me alone, Jeb.

I don't want to have a birthday dinner.

Your kids went to a lot of trouble for you.

Even Daniel helped.

Now I know you're lyin'.

It was worth a try.

Look,

I know you're upset about Phyllis.

Jeb,

I'm tired.

At this age, every day I wake up, I never know who else I'm gonna lose.

Which means you've got to live.

For what?

I have more yesterdays behind me than tomorrows ahead,

and this milestone birthday, well, it just highlights that.

Hey. What's taking so long?

Talk to the birthday girl. Maybe you can talk some sense into her.

Come on, M'Dear, you got a whole lot of...

just family waiting for you.

If it'll get you two off my back,

- I'll go. - Okay. Oh, but wait.

Don't you want to change first?

Put on that pretty dress I picked out for you?

No. Not tonight.

I just want to get this over with so I can come back and get in that bed.

Uh...

Oh, boy. This cannot end well.

You're right.

You go.

I'll wait here and pack my bags.

Come on.

♪ Yeah, yeah, uh ♪

Where is every...

- Surprise! - Oh, hell!

- Somebody's gonna pay for that. - Yeah.

Let's get ahead of it and blame Shaka.

- Good idea. - I know.

I'm here. Let the party begin.

I said, "Let the party begin!"

Surprise!

Oh my goodness!

Mercy! You all got me. Aha!

I had no idea. It's so unexpected.

Oh Susie, you came all this way.

Mays, looking good!

Party, party!

Hey. Do me a favor. Dance with my buddy Jordan?

- Ugh. Moz, I don't feel like dancing. - He's single.

Jordan, let's get down!

Great.

Um...

Thanks to you all for coming.

Um, you know, we wanted to roast M'Dear,

but we figured it would be safer to have the kids do it.

So silly.

They'd better not embarrass me.

Relax, M'Dear. It's all in good fun.

All right, baby. Come on.

Amelia Louise Williams was born June 13, 1976.

That's right, 1976.

And we have the birth certificate to prove it.

Where did they get that official document from?

Puttin' my business in the street.

Did you know my name, Ami, is short for Amelia?

My mom thought if she named me after M'Dear, M'Dear would love her.

Didn't work.

Oh, Cocoa's so crazy.

And now Shaka and Mazzi will do a short skit

based on a day in our lives of living with M'Dear.

You need a butt-whupping!

Why? What did I do, M'Dear?

I'm sure I'll think of something when I'm whupping you!

Whoo! Got me sweatin'.

♪ Jesus ♪

♪ Jesus ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

Now get up! It's time to go to church!

Oh, those boys!

Oh, that was a bit much.

They know darn well I don't perspire when I spank!

Now please welcome M'Dear's oldest and least attractive grandchild, Jade.

- My brother is so funny. - Ow!

- Okay. Stop! - Honey! Jade!

Oh, and he forgot to mention, the strongest grandchild.

Now, everyone thinks

that M'Dear is the very proper First Lady of Heaven's Way Baptist Church.

I am.

Well, I have some flashback footage

that proves that Cardi B has some competition.

What? Oh, those durn cell phone cameras.

Just forget about Big Brother. Your own grandkids are spying on ya.

♪ Judy Big booty Judy ♪

♪ Judy Big booty Judy ♪

♪ Judy Big booty Judy ♪

♪ Judy, Judy ♪

♪ Judy Big booty Judy ♪

♪ Judy Big booty Judy ♪

♪ Judy Big booty Judy ♪

♪ Judy Big booty ♪

♪ Judy Big booty Judy ♪

♪ Judy Big booty, booty ♪

Oh my goodness!

Now, will everyone please help me welcome to the stage

my beautiful, talented, 45-year-old grandmother, Amelia McKellan!

Oh...

Oh my goodness. Everyone, sit down. Just sit down!

Oh, thank you so much for coming out and celebrating me.

What about my grandbabies, huh?

Ain't they somethin'?

Ooh...

I've never been roasted before.

Oh, but my goodness...

...let's keep the fun goin'!

Oh Lord. Here we go.

Now, I... I have a beautiful family.

My oldest,

Moz, and his wife, Cocoa.

The two of you, just stand up, stand up.

Ooh...

Cocoa is the worst gold digger I have ever seen.

She married a professional athlete

and livin' in his mama's house!

- That's not funny, is it? - No, it's not.

Hey, just relax, Moz. All in good fun, remember?

- Daniel? - Huh?

Are you talkin' while I'm talkin'?

That's probably why your behind is always unemployed.

Who gets fired on a day off?

No!

It's because I don't have any skills.

True that.

- You sure told her. - I did.

Like she's the Terminator. How do we go back in time and turn her off?

Listen, I've been trying to do it for years.

Uh, Grace? Where you goin'?

Come on back here and get some of this smoke.

I love you, M'Dear.

Oh, I love you too, but, uh... explain somethin' to me.

How can you create a dating app for Christian singles

when you are still single?

Huh?

Baby, you need to stop bein' so picky

and swipe left for yourself!

Actually, it's up.

She's just exaggerating. I'm really not that picky.

Oh God, is that dandruff?

Oh, shoot! I'm in her sights.

What took you so long?

All right, Melly.

- What are you gonna say about me? - Oh...

Jeb and I have been married for a lifetime.

Yes.

He moves a little slower,

and he's kind of forgetful sometimes,

but he is still the most handsome man I've ever met.

Well, this party sure has cheered you up.

I guess so.

Um...

I lost a good friend...

and I... I've been a little down.

But all of you tonight have made me realize how blessed I am to be alive.

And so, from now on,

I am going to live in my truth

and celebrate all of my 45 years on this Earth.

- Amen! - Amen!

Let's dance!

Soul Train line!

Hey, Mazzi, what's the name of that fancy synthesizer you wanted?

Oh, um...

I don't want it anymore. Thanks, Mom.

Uh, hold on! There's some more noodle in there.

Oh...

Got it.

Okay. What is goin' on?

Yeah, you kids have been acting really odd for the last couple of days.

- We... - Odd how?

Jade?

Okay.

Okay.

We know you filed for bankruptcy,

and we've been doing what we can to help you guys out with money.

- What's this? - It's the money we've earned so far.

We wanted to let you know we'll be all right.

And this is our combined savings.

We're here for you the way you've always been here for us.

Mm-hmm.

Wow.

We have the greatest kids.

Yeah, we really do.

But you guys have nothing to worry about. I will...

We will always take care of you.

And, yes, money has been tight for a while,

but C by Cocoa is turning a good profit, and your father has some exciting news.

Uh, well, I've been entertaining several job offers,

and I've just signed a deal to be the new commentator for What's Up Football?

Congratulations!

Look, you guys can leave the worrying to us, okay? We got you.

This family is thriving.

- And more great things are coming our way. - Yes, they are.

I am so happy to hear that.

I will, uh,

just be taking that back.

Oh...

And this.

Thank you.

Sorry. They're so rude.

Now, about that synthesizer...

Man, don't be greedy, D!

Well, all the guests are gone.

Well, we haven't partied this late since 1999.

- I hope you like it. It's from us kids. - Okay.

- Oh... - Wow.

It's absolutely beautiful.

Isn't it?

Oh, thank you, kids.

You know,

I'm exhausted, and I thank you for a wonderful birthday,

but this old 40-year-old woman needs to get up and go to bed.

Wow, M'Dear. You're getting younger.

Well, parties do that for me, baby.

M'Dear, I have something for you. Well, actually, it's from me and Moz.

Well, just let me do this again.

Okay, baby, let's see here.

It's a...

Ohh!

Is this what I think it is?

What is it, M'Dear?

Oh my goodness!

What kind of gift is that? It's not even in color.

Is that a picture of a lima bean?

Whoa.

Mom, are you pregnant?

Yes, I am!

- Surprise! - Surprise!

Well, I'll be! Another grandchild!

This is the best present ever!

And it explains all those pounds you've been packing on.

Diva out.