Original subtitles

♪A Netflix Original ♪

♪ I want y'all to meet my family ♪

♪ They're coming down south To stay with me ♪

- ♪ Big Moz ♪ - ♪ Do you love me? ♪

- ♪ Yep ♪ - ♪ I'm Cocoa! ♪

♪ Jade in the house, I got a lot to say ♪

♪ I'm a big sis, can't-miss renegade ♪

- ♪ Call me Shaka now ♪ - ♪ Hey! ♪

- ♪ I'm the, I'm the chief rocker now ♪ - ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi That's me ♪

- ♪ Little mommy, I'm Ami ♪ - ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Singing loud and having fun ♪

♪ It's Family Reunion ♪

Family Reunion was filmed in front of a live studio audience.

So there's ten seconds left on the clock. We're on our own 30.

- Whose number do they call? - Who?

- Your boy, Big Moz! - Ooh!

So I fake like I'm gonna do a curl route, but hit 'em with the post.

- No, you did not! - Yes, I did. Yes. Stand up, Jade.

The corner tried to jam me on the line. You know? Trying to keep me there.

He had no idea how light I was on my feet.

So I hit him with the old swim move!

Ooh!

By the time he tried to put his hands on me,

I was running right past him on a nine route,

straight into the ESPN Top Ten.

Say, word!

Word!

Oh, I'll get that for you, Mrs. McKellan.

Wait. Where you going, Deon? I have to show you my end zone dance. Ey!

Thank you, sweetie. Here. Just leave them by the door.

- Hey, Mom. - Hey.

I better get out of here.

I have a chemistry exam tomorrow.

- See you in the morning? - For sure.

I don't get it, Dad.

Whenever you don't like a guy, I never get to see him.

And when you do like a guy,

I never get to see him.

Sounds like a win-win situation for me.

I'm gonna miss you while you're in Atlanta, babe.

You're the last person I thought would be on a reality show.

Well, thanks to Cousin Kenya, it's just one episode of Trophy Wives.

I'm only there to promote my new jewelry line, and that's it.

If sales go well, this could get us out of debt.

- I'll be back tonight. - Okay.

- Aw! Mwah, mwah, mwah. - Mwah, mwah, mwah.

Oh, get a room!

Better yet, get a house.

What was Deon doing here?

He came by to see Jade. And shockingly, Moz approves.

Oh, Deon's a good kid.

He's had problems but he seems to be back on the straight and narrow.

And what was he doing when he was on the curvy and the wide?

He served six months in juvie

for selling marijuana to a couple of friends at a party.

They locked him up for something minor like that?

Uh, duh-duh-duh. Minor?

Breaking the law is serious.

He's a criminal.

You loved him two minutes ago.

Two minutes ago, I didn't know he was El Chapo.

Come on, honey. It's just marijuana. It's legal in over 30 states.

So is kissing your dog in the mouth, but that don't mean you should do it.

So, you guys didn't know?

Of course not.

I bet Jade has no idea that boy has a record.

- Jade! - Oh...

- Can you come down here, please? - Moz, Moz, he's a good kid.

You're making a mountain out of a molehill.

A molehill of smack.

What's up?

All right, I know this is hard to believe,

but we just learned that Deon is an ex-con.

Yeah, he told me.

He knows what he did was stupid, and he paid for that stupidity.

Mm-hmm. You better watch out.

This one's got a taste for the bad boys.

Look, one mistake shouldn't define him forever.

Well, your mom and I don't trust him.

Actually, I'm okay with it. This is a you thing.

Look... Deon has paid his debt to society.

Who in here hasn't felt the mercy of God's forgiveness?

Practice what I preach, son.

- Fine, you can keep going out with him. - Aw, thanks, Dad.

- That was the right decision, hon. - Mm-hmm.

Especially since I'm not gonna let her out of my sight when she's with him.

God said "forgive," not "trust."

Oh, my God. Thank you, Cocoa.

This is beautiful.

Well, it's the least I can do. This jewelry party is everything.

Thank you so much for inviting me on your show to promote "C by Cocoa."

Of course. I got you.

You're family, and family sticks together.

Aw!

So... When do we get started?

Oh, we got started the moment you walked in.

Everything you do is for the cameras.

Welcome to reality, honey.

Oh.

Oh. Oops. Sorry.

This thing is always on.

Um...

Hi. I'm Cocoa McKellan.

Um, three fun facts about me.

One, I'm married to future Hall of Famer, Moses McKellan.

Two, I'm a jewelry designer,

and each piece I handcraft is made with love.

And three, you can find my jewelry on Etsy.

Oh, and that's "C by Cocoa."

- Hi, Kenya. - Hi, Kenya.

I can't stand these heifers.

My girls!

Heidi!

Mwah! Mwah!

Sunita Chanel!

- Mwah! Mwah! - Mwah! Mwah!

- This is my cousin, Cocoa. - Hi.

Uh... Merci. No touching.

This is her jewelry line.

Isn't it beautiful?

Yes.

Look, I'm buying this piece for my daughter.

She just loves costume jewelry.

No, these are genuine stones.

I can see why you would think it was fake, Heidi.

We all know your wedding ring is as real as your can tan.

I keep the real one in a safety deposit box.

Or, as the rest of us call it,

the pawnshop.

I'm about to make a comeback.

I'm close to marrying the perfect man.

He's very rich, very handsome,

and in very poor health.

You have such a pretty name.

Sunita Chanel.

- Where did it come from? - My parents, you silly woman.

We're French.

But Sunita Chanel would love to know

what a wife of a retired football player does these days.

Well, um...

A better question is...

what does a retired baby mama do these days, Sunita Chanel?

Sunita Chanel could buy your whole life with just child support checks.

I grew up in Detroit, but I love confusing the basics.

And if anybody is basic, it's Kenya.

She's practically a textbook in a preschool, honey.

The bracelet that Kenya is wearing has jade stones.

It was inspired by my daughter.

Speaking of child support, I heard your ex was married, Kenya.

You dated a married man?

I didn't know he was married.

He told me he was divorced.

And I didn't find out until his wife showed up at my doorstep.

Perhaps you would have known

if you did a little more homework and a little less homewrecking.

It was all caught on camera.

I thought he was the one.

I felt like such a fool.

You looked like one, too.

Good one.

Hey!

Hey, back off!

Kenya's the victim here.

If you were so smart, Sunita Chanel,

you would know that blue contacts are so 2010.

We are loving ourselves this decade. Why don't you try it, boo?

Oh, and Heidi, do you know what looks good orange?

Oranges!

Look, I'm a very peaceful person, and I try to lead a Zen life,

but I can't just sit there and let you attack a member of my family.

And please know,

I have nothing against people with colored contacts or spray tans.

C by Cocoa is for everyone.

- Jeb. - Yeah?

I just read an article that says a spicier marriage

leads to longevity and a better quality of life.

Great.

Look, we need to do everything we can to make our golden years our best years.

Absolutely, Melly.

Well, are you ready for more spice?

I'm not sure.

What do I have to do?

Well... you could start...

by having a more positive attitude and an open mind.

Oh, okay.

Jeb, I am not in this marriage alone.

I need you to show some... enthusiasm, please!

Okay. I'm all in.

Let's get spicy.

Welcome... to the Cat Lady's lair!

Meow!

Jeb, why aren't you in your costume?

Well, I am.

Where's the mask?

I... I couldn't breathe in it.

Jeb, we are role-playing!

Batman was the Masked Crusader.

Actually, he was the Caped Crusader.

Mask, cape, whatever.

We...

...are in the catbird's...

seat.

Oh!

Are you okay?

Jesus! Jesus!

Whoo!

Lord, have mercy!

- Are you okay? - I hurt my paw.

Oh, and Heidi, do you know what looks good orange? Oranges!

Ooh! You read her, Mama.

Yeah, but I'm so embarrassed that I lost my cool.

Yeah. I didn't know you had all that shade in you.

Oh, don't let the smooth taste fool ya.

I can go there if I have to.

They knew they were hitting Kenya below the belt.

Okay. Don't you try it, boo.

Guys!

C by Cocoa just got 50 new orders in the last 20 minutes.

Being on this show is paying off.

Cocoa...

fabulous news.

"KenCo" is trending.

What's that?

It's us! Kenya and Cocoa.

We're a thing!

We are blowing up on social media.

- Really? - Yes.

And the producers want you to join the show

as a full-time Trophy Wife!

Wow! I... I... I'm shocked.

That's a lot to process.

Are you in?

Of course I'm in!

I... I guess I'll need to apologize to Heidi and Sunita Chanel.

Oh, girl, no.

People love to watch fireworks.

And if you can get their attention, you can get into their pockets.

And if I can get into their pockets,

I can sell more C by Cocoa.

And if you can sell more C by Cocoa,

you could buy me a new pearl Fiat for my 16th birthday.

And I could finally get a pet giraffe!

A giraffe?

I'll see if NeNe's available.

That's right... Hands to yourself.

If you try anything, this pretzel won't be the only thing that gets twisted.

You got that right.

M'Dear? What are you doing here?

- And what are you wearing? - A better disguise than you.

I already got invited to rush two sororities.

Skee-Wee!

Can you tell what Jade and Deon are up to?

Purse-snatching! I knew he was still a criminal.

Well, it looks like the criminal just gave that woman the purse he snatched back.

It's just a matter of time.

Guys like him can only go so long before they slip up.

Oh.

Oh, oh, uh... Bingo!

Looks like our little friend brought some drugs into the theater.

That's just nacho cheese. There's nothing to see here.

Sneaking outside food into the theater is a major rule to break.

Well, then I guess you don't want none of these brownies I brought.

M'Dear. For shame.

I'll have two.

Okay, maybe I was wrong about him.

But I still got a bad feeling about this.

How about you?

Whoa.

Pfft. She is good.

And so are these!

What?

So, where's your girl, "Cocoa"?

Here I am, sweetie.

Yes! Come through, Cocoa!

- ♪ And walk it ♪ - ♪ And walk it ♪

- ♪ And roll ♪ - ♪ And roll ♪

- ♪ Wave it away ♪ - ♪ Wave it away ♪

- ♪ And pose♪ - ♪ And pose♪

- KenCo in the house! - KenCo in the house!

Cocoa, I heard you live in your baby daddy's mama's house.

I sure do. But who gonna check me, boo?

Not you two homely heifers.

Ugh! Sunita Chanel is so over this whole "KenCo" bit already.

Really?

Well, you know who's not over it?

My customers, Boonita Chanel.

Three hundred orders just today,

so don't come for me unless I send for you.

Oh... Okurrr!

The shade is real!

Have you ever wondered what your dog wanted for Christmas,

or what your cat wanted for his bar mitzvah?

Well, wonder no more.

Your fur baby is gonna fall in love with my new line, C by Cocoa for Pets.

Coming soon to a website near you.

Ruff.

So, what do you think?

You feeling spicy?

I'm feeling somebody should be reading me my rights.

You're right.

I just don't know where I put the darn key.

Maybe...

There they are.

- Ow! - Jeb!

You got to move when I move.

- Oh! - Oh, no.

Oh, okay.

Move! You come on over here with me!

Where...

I hold in my hand the key to all of our problems.

I put an app on Jade's phone

that allows me to track wherever she is at all times.

Now, I can spy on her from the comfort of our family room. Check it out.

Well... won't Jade be able to find that app on her phone?

No, it's hidden.

She told me Deon was taking her to the skating rink,

which is nice and public.

- Ah. - See, I'll show you on the map.

Oh, well, that map says that they're somewhere near...

Mill Grove Road.

That's nowhere near the skating rink.

What is she doing in that area? There's nothing there but woods.

Dark, private woods.

- I can't believe she lied to me. - You can't?

I'll be back.

What's this for?

Mind your business.

Minding my business.

I am never doing this again.

Oh, I should have minded my business!

Nice day.

I know how it could be nicer.

How?

Mr. McKellan?

Dad?

- What are you doing here? - I should be asking you the same thing.

You told me you were going skating.

We stopped at the park for Deon's cousin's birthday party,

and he wanted to wish her happy birthday.

Target acquired.

What was that?

Sounds like the Teen Finder app.

My parents have it, too, for the obvious reasons.

You put spyware on my phone to see what I was doing with Deon?

- How could you? - Remember who you're talking to.

Uh, I'm... I'm gonna go talk to my cousin.

Mm-hmm.

Dad... why are you spying on me? Deon's a good guy.

After following you for a couple of days, I agree.

Then I realized, it's actually you I don't trust.

- Me? - Yeah, you.

You're the one who snuck Royale into your party,

and you ran off with him to another city.

Okay, that was months ago. I have rights, you know.

Rights? Jade, your rights went out the window when you did.

I can't trust that you're gonna be where you say you are.

But you can.

Well, this is not the skating rink.

Okay.

Why are you being so strict? I'm not even doing anything wrong.

You don't get it.

Say goodbye to Deon. I'll be waiting in the car.

- You got five minutes. - Da...

I'm sorry. My dad is so extra.

Actually, I get why he reacted that way.

Let's keep it 100.

When you mess up, it doesn't go away because you're tired of people saying it.

I was grounded for three months.

I did my time.

Well, your dad's doing this because he cares.

Well... he cares too much.

I don't know, Jade.

I was in juvie with kids who hadn't seen their parents in years.

They wish they had a dad like yours.

Thirty seconds left! Don't make me embarrass you!

Too late!

What a catch by Reardon! I don't know how he held on to that one.

The ball was thrown behind him.

Reardon had to stop and then come back to his right.

All right, Jeb, I give up.

On what?

I have been trying so hard to liven up things in our relationship,

but...

we failed at every turn.

We failed?

Melly...

We don't need a magazine to tell us how to love each other.

I think we've been doing pretty good over the last 43 years.

Forty-four.

But you're probably right.

You hear that?

I don't hear anything.

Exactly.

That's the sound

of an empty house...

and I don't think there's anything more spicy than that.

Oh, Jebediah.

- Hey. - Hey.

Um, I thought you might want one of these.

You made too much?

No.

I made it for you.

Thanks.

- You wanna sit? - Mm-hmm.

Dad...

I want you to know that I heard you.

And I'm gonna earn your trust back.

Promise.

Okay, Ami, meet Princess Rich, Skylar,

and Cousin Kenya's niece, Jersey.

Charmed to meet you all.

Don't let anyone block your light.

I guess she's okay with all of the cameras?

Oh, she's fine.

You'll really be expanding your brand by having Ami on the show.

Everybody loves a mini-me.

Hmm, I guess you're right.

And what better way to promote my tiara line.

Uh, Princess Rich only eats dolphin-safe tuna.

Yuck! Sugar?

I only do agave nectar.

I'd like to live past 12.

This is your last day.

What is this?

Cut the crusts... off my bread, fool.

Oh! Ami!

I read what you said about me on Twitter, Cocoa.

Let's see if you're bold enough to say it to my face.

Girl, nobody was talking about you.

But since you're so thirsty for attention...

Ooh.

Now what?

Twirl on your haters, Cocoa!

Oh!

Oh, no, you didn't!

Oh, yes, I did!

And Sunita Chanel wants to know what you're going to do about it, Cocoa.

Oh, man.

- Woo! - No!

You're lucky I'm wearing Dior!

You're lucky I'm all the way over here,

you and that tacky jewelry.

It should be called "Cheap by Cocoa."

Oh, you coming for my mama?

Wrong road.

Wrong... road.

Ami, stay out of this.

Little girl, this has nothing to do with you. Go back.

Oh, I got your "little girl," boo.

Get off me!

- Wha... Ami! - Get off of her!

Cocoa, get your child!

Ami beat the French out that girl!

Bye, wig!

Ami, what are you doing?

I'm doing you, boo.

As much fun as I've had on the show... I'm gonna be leaving.

I wish I could be around to have Cousin Kenya's back, but...

right now...

I've gotta get my youngest daughter's back.

And the best way I know how to do that is to be the best me I can be,

and I cannot do that on a reality show.

So...

I just wanted to say thank you so much for your love

and your support.

Cocoa out.

Well,... that was fun while it lasted.

Looks like I'm gonna have to find another way to sell my jewelry.

Not so fast, Mom.

People love the new you.

"KenCo" might not be trending,

but "Hot Cocoa" is.

Oh, my gosh.

And they're even buying more of my jewelry.

Mm-hmm.

They loved my honesty.

Just goes to show, if you do the right thing,

God will be on your side.

I'm gonna miss being on TV.

Ami, as beautiful as you are, sweetie,

I'm sure you'll have other opportunities to be on TV.

We should do a show about us, about our family.

Who would watch a show with an ex-NFL player

who moves his family from a big city to live with his parents in a small town?

Diva out.