Original subtitles

- Good Afternoon. - Good day. Psychologist, Dr. Fa'aluka.

Oh. Yes, um, would you like to sign in here, please?

Sure.

- You off, are you, darling? - Yes.

Could you, ah, pick up my dry cleaning again for me?

- Yep, will do. - Just drop it in

- to me in the morning. - Okay, see you.

Bye-bye. Jarred, ah, there's a Dr. Fa'aluka here.

He's just popping out.

Good day.

- Good day. - Jarred.

Dr. Fa'aluka.

Ah well, ah, talofa, Dr. Fa'a, Fala--

- Fa'aluka. - Fala lofa.

- Fa'aluka. - Oh, Robyn, pop over for here a sec.

I've got an appointment.

Be a darling, come and meet, ah, Dr. Faluka.

Fa'aluka.

Dr. Faluka.

Yes, Dr. Fa'aluka. Hi.

Hi. Rob-- sorry.

Ah, Robyn, we met at the, um, Epsom conference.

- At the... - At the drinks.

At the, oh, I don't, was that recently?

Yeah, you were the keynote speaker.

- Yes. - But we met at the drinks,

and there were the salmon with the cream cheese.

Oh, right. With the dill.

- Yeah. No, I spoke about the dill. - That's right!

- "Hello. I'm Robyn." - Yeah.

So I'm not sure...

- I'm here to, so-- - You're here to see,

um, one of our students, Dixon.

Ah, he's a real rat bag.

We've gotta really shut him down.

Well, I wouldn't say rat bag.

He's just got a few problems at home.

Now, it's really good if there's a support person.

Will you be available--

Um. Yes, yes. I will be.

- Yep. - I might also sit in.

Just, I feel like I've got a lot to learn from Dr. Fa'aluka.

Oh, really?

Weren't you gonna go? You looked like you were in a hurry.

I can, I can, I can, I can cancel that.

I think that would be good, especially if Dixon knows you and trusts you.

Oh, he knows me.

He probably doesn't trust me, but he does know me.

You know often, Dixon,

it's not necessarily a reflection of our internal chaos.

- So it's-- - Dr. Fa'aluka, I swear--

Yeah. I'm not gonna, it's the extended bikini.

- Ahh. - No, I'm not gonna make it.

Robyn, maybe this isn't the appropriate time for--

Sorry, this is the meeting I was going to. This is why if you want me here,

I'm gonna have to cancel this appointment.

Ah, no. I'll ring back next week. I'm just not sure of my schedule.

Yep. Okay. Thank you. Thank you.

Mm.

Thank you. He's been vaping.

- Vaping? - Mm-hmm.

- Is that right? - You can't vape.

All my mates smoke. I mean, if I don't smoke then I'm not cool.

Oh, so if all of your mates are gonna go and, ah, rob a bank,

what, you're gonna go and rob a bank?

If all your mates are gonna like--

Oh. I don't think we need to take it to the,

we don't need to make these assumptions about how,

how bad he could be.

"Oh, all my mates are in prison.

Oh, maybe I'll go to prison."

You know, it's my job as a teacher and headmaster

to prepare you for the world, and send you out there as young adults.

So, how does it feel to be an adult?

We're not adults, Sir.

Yeah, but in a way you are, let's face it.

You're adults, you know. You've all got pubic hair.

You know. You're old enough to have your hearts broken, aren't you?

And that whole thing of chemistry, of falling in love,

which you'll all experience at some point.

That's just gonna crash and burn, isn't it?

That's the brutal reality of being in a relationship,

is that that person becomes a mirror.

And you're looking into that mirror,

and you realize you're staring at yourself.

And you think, "Who the fuck am I?"

You know?

Are you, are you allowed to say the F word, Sir?

Probably not [scoffs].

And that's what you've got to realize is that,

a few years down the track,

it turns to shit, doesn't it?

Sorry. Sorry, Sir.

Are we allowed to say the S word?

Well, I think shit's okay.

Don't write that down.

- Don't write that down. - Okay.

Don't tell anyone I said that, okay?

Well, back to class.

- Oh! - Jarred.

- Can I- - Ah, we've, we've finished.

- Oh, okay. - But, um, all in all

it was a pretty positive assessment. It just paints a picture to me of a,

of a, of someone who's just trying to cope with their lot in life, so--

Well, that's exactly how I feel.

- Hmm. - I just think Robyn's

being a bit overzealous.

You should probably have a talk to her.

Okay. Well, actually,

I was wondering whether I could have a talk to you?

- Do you have any paper? - Yes, I do.

Oh, what's that?

Oh [laughs], that's, ah, ah, some students' bums.

Just, um... Actually I'll need those. So, I'll put them over there.

Okay, So what I want you to do,

is draw a picture of a person.

Okay.

Three o'clock baby!

- Coming for a frothy? - Nah.

No? Why not?

- Just a bit down. - Why? What's wrong?

You know the photocopied bums?

Yeah.

That was me and Judy.

You're fucking joking me.

Nah, it was crazy.

Are you kidding?

Yeah. It was so good.

Is that her ass?

- Yeah. - Oh, my God.

I know. I know.

- And mine. - Yours was shocking.

- Yeah. - And so what,

how did that happen?

Just, she hit on me.

- See? - Yeah.

- I know, I know. - See?

Yeah. Are you still banging her, or what's going on?

No. That's what I'm down about.

She just went

- Pulled a handy. - Yeah.

- No more. - I've tried texting her,

like Facebooking her, and Instagramming her-

Oh, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Slow that down. - Yeah.

Remember we did the space thing?

- Yeah. - That's like social space.

- Bad, bad social space. - Okay. Okay.

Quite the artist.

Is that a woman?

Yeah. That's, ah, Xing Xi-Ng.

- Who's that? - That's my wife.

Wow.

This is the expression that she pulls when I'm crying,

or I'm, you know, really happy.

- Like crying or happy? - Yeah.

- Quite contrasting emotions. - Yeah.

How often would you say you cried?

Oh, twice a day.

So I've got this, this sounds weird,

but there's this big black eel down my gullet,

and its head is in my stomach,

and its tail is wiggling.

And that makes me cry.

I can make her banana cake.

- No. - Women love banana cake.

Yeah, no. What about...

- Carrot cake? - Shut up.

- Okay. - What about, okay,

what about if you embrace your Māori side?

Why?

'Cause she loves that shit.

- She's always singing. - Yeah.

- In that language. - Yeah. Māori.

- Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Do that. - Yeah!

Let's put that aside. And now I've got some flash cards,

and I want you to tell me what this makes you feel.

Boredom.

Eating.

That's the expression I get when I park the car.

Okay. Hey, well, that was, that was really invaluable.

Um, I've got to shoot off now, but I might come back tomorrow.

Would that be alright?

- Ah, yes. That's okay, yes. - Great.

Okay. Thanks, Jarred, for your time.

Oh, thank you. Yeah.

Yeah. Very interesting. - Yes.

Thank you, Doctor.

I'd just like to let everybody know I'm letting go of John,

and I would like to be now known as Ra, Ko Ra ahau.

So you're changing your name?

Are you having an identity crisis?

No, no. I'm just realizing my Māori side.

I'm not sure why you're, sort of, directing it at me?

I was, I was, I wasn't, I was just, I was just saying,

I've really felt a connection with my Māori side.

Oh, please. I mean, you can't just choose to be Māori all of a sudden.

I am part Māori.

Yeah. But all of a sudden you're identifying with it.

- I don't understand. - What is going on, okay?

- Is this a mid-life crisis? - It's my name.

- Just my name. Ra. - Okay.

Let me get this straight.

You want to change your name from John to Ra,

which I'm assuming is short for Rawiri,

which means David.

Yeah. Yeah.

So you haven't even done any research have you?

So if you want to change your name from John to the Māori word for John,

- your name's gonna be... - Ra.

- Hone. - What's the big deal?

If he wants to change his name to Ra,

it sounds awesome too. - Yeah.

- It's a cool name. - It's a good name. Right.

Chicks are gonna fucking love it

Ko Ra ahau.

Who is it?

Ah, it's Dr. Fa'aluka.

Come in!

Good day, darling. Hey look, oh! Come in.

Okay, ah, a colleague's here. I've got to go.

Okay, I love you too.

I'll see you tonight.

Okay, bye-bye.

Sorry about that. Just making dinner plans with Xing Xi-ng, my wife.

Oh. Nice.

- I got you some teas. - Aww.

Um, I'll have mine later.

Oh. Would you like yours?

No. I'm fine. Thank you.

- Oh, coffee? - I'm good.

- Something harder? - No, honestly.

Oh, okay.

- Oh, whoa. - That was a full.

- Whoa. - No, it wasn't.

- Yeah, that was a full. - That was a full, brother.

- No fucking way. - It has to bounce in your square first.

- Robbie. - It didn't bounce in my square.

Nobody told me I couldn't do that on the full.

It's a full, brother.

- It sucks. - It wasn't in the full.

- It's just a game, brother. - No, no, man.

She's fucking cheating.

How are things with your wife?

- Good. - Yeah?

Yeah. They're not, they're not good.

Not good?

- No. - Are you still together?

- No. - How long has it been?

Six, six months, we've been...

So that phone call before that,

- that wasn't your wife? - No.

Who was that?

I was just pretending.

- Here's your tea. - Oh, oh, thank you, dear.

sorry.

Well, that's cold. Is that the same tea as before?

You asked me to save it for you.

Okay. Okay, thank you.

She's very generous.

Christ. It's bloody awful.

Jarred, I noticed that you present one picture on the surface,

but actually, what's happening internally

is like the opposite of what you're presenting.

Yeah.

And that's normal for you?

- Yeah. - Okay.

I'm starting to think that the person

who could most benefit from my help here is you.

- Absolutely, yes. - Because you need,

- you need to move on-- - Absolutely, yes.

You need to make some changes.

But you can't get to those changes that you need to make,

until you've acknowledged your emotional vulnerability.

- I totally agree. - So, 16 to 24 weeks,

and I think we'll be there.

- Does that sound good? - Yeah. Yeah.

- Yeah? - I've got to say,

this is a massive relief.

What do you all eat these days, eh?

- Oh, do you mind? - Oh, yeah.

Thanks. Thank you.

... Good day, love.

Ah, Maia. [chuckles].

What have you got for lunch there, Maia?

Sweetheart, what are you eating?

- Just some grapes. - Don't talk to him!

That's alright. She can talk to me. It's okay. I'm one of you guys now.

- You're not one of us. - How is your mother?

Is she making sure you've got plenty--

- Yes. - Plenty of

- money and everything? - Yeah.

Could I have some? Could I borrow some money?

- How much have you got? - I've only got ten dollars.

That's enough. I just need, I just need a couple of bucks

- to go to the tire shop. - No.

I think for you,

the important thing is, just to let your truth out.

- Yeah. - And don't bury it.

You know? Be honest.

Even writing stuff down helps.

Can I write some poetry?

- That would be amazing. - I'm quite good at writing poetry.

Yeah. That's you, then.

Okay. Hey, can I give you a hug?

Yeah, sure. Why not?

Thanks. I owe you quite a lot.

It's different from hugging Xing Xi-Ng, but...

Yeah.

She's quite a lot smaller.

Yes.

Yeah, anyway.

- Thanks. Okay. - Yeah.

- Okay. - All right.

- Oh. Good day, Robyn. - Oh. Hi, Robert.

Hey, ah, I just wanted to say,

ah, thanks for everything again, for the opportunity.

- No problem. - Oh, can I come and eat

my lunch with the teachers in the staff room?

Ah, no. You're a student.

Yeah, but I just, I don't, I feel a bit weird eating with the kids and stuff,

and ah, I'm an adult.

Yeah, but you're an adult student, you see?

And the staff room's for staff. So, nope

Okay. It's National Poetry Week.

So I thought we could all read our poems.

Um, if you don't mind, I thought I might start.

Have you got a poem?

My one's called, "Loving You Is Like"

Loving you is to float in space,

and yet somehow I can't breathe.

Loving you is screaming for help,

while the police wave goodbye.

Loving you is drowning while the lifeguard has a beer.

Loving you is like asking how you feel, and being stabbed in the chest

with a knife labeled, "Fine."

Loving you is like spending all my savings to visit you in your paradise home,

and then reading the boarding pass,

and it says seat 42C,

that's an aisle seat in hell.

- Sorry. - Has the wife read this?

No, I wouldn't, no, I don't think.

- Are you gonna let her read it? - It's just for today.

It feels very specific, you know?

Like it's that you're writing it to somebody, to-

- Yeah. - Yeah.

No, I don't think, I don't see it like that.

Poems can be about anything or anyone.

This might not even be about me.

Ah, so anyway, that's all I've got on the agenda.

Has anyone else got anything?

I, um, just wanted to put in a reminder,

um, that after school today

we've got the colleagues and partners pot luck for everyone.

- Ah. - With the Lebanese food,

because you've all brought Lebanese food.

- Oh, Vinnie. - Yo.

I just wondered, ah, what you wanted to bring

to the Friendly Colleagues and Partners Feast tonight?

Ah fuck. Um... what is it again?

It's food from the time of Jesus.

I'll bring a fish.

Could you bring more than one?

I'll bring a massive fish.

Okay.

- Oh, good day. - Hey. Um, [clears Throat].

I was just wondering if your lovely wife

would like to bring something.

We've already got bread, and wine, and olives and fish.

So maybe some cheese or feta or something?

- Or tabbouleh? - Well, I don't know if she'd bring...

Tabbouleh?

If she can chop, she could probably.

Okay. That sounds good.

You're living in a fantasy land.

Okay. Can I ask you a question Ms Duffy?

Oh, okay.

What are you yearning for?

I yearn for a cold chardonnay.

But as it's eleven o'clock in the morning,

I can't have one, okay?

Well I can't certainly have one if anyone sees me having one, all right?

Because when I come into your office, I feel like you just seem really sad.

And like, tampons, eggs, wine,

cheese, toilet paper on your board.

- Like- - Yeah.

Are you okay?

Yes, I may live in a one-bedroom apartment by myself.

And yes, I may write my personal

shopping lists on my whiteboard.

- Okay? I have got goals. - That's good.

My goal is to get to work every day,

do as good a job as I can, and then leave.

It's good enough.

You need to choose something you can achieve

- that's good enough. - Good enough.

And that's what brings me back to the meat industry.

- I'm a vegan. - Okay.

Well, you know what I'd suggest, Maria?

Start eating meat.

Sheree? Sheree?

I'm in the sick bay.

What's up with you?

Well, it's the, the dinner's tonight, and--

Yes, I know.

Well, Rachel asked, came in and asked me if, if Xing Xi-Ng was gonna bring

- a Lebanese meal to the dinner. - Well, she doesn't have to.

She can bring some rice or something more for dinner.

- Yeah, well that's just the thing. - She doesn't have to bring anything.

Just bring some hors d'oeuvre or something.

Okay. I'm trying to tell you something!

She left me about six months ago.

I'm living on Garry's couch.

Jarred, I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me?

- Well, I didn't want anyone to know! - But you can tell me.

Well I didn't want to tell you.

And now, everyone wants her to come

to the dinner tonight and I can't invite her.

I can't call her and say,

"Oh, come to dinner tonight, and just do me a favor and bring some feta."

- No, she probably won't. - No.

We'll have to give her-

We need to trick her to come along is what we need to do.

All right. We'll invent some kind of award for her like um...

Well, like what?

Um... Chinese women's services to the community or something.

Well she wouldn't win that award.

Well it doesn't matter. We'll just give her something.

Maia? I'll see you later, Love.

I'll see you next term, eh, my brother?

Robbie, you all right?

Yeah. I'm all right.

No, you're not, mate. Look at you. What's happening?

- What's wrong? - Oh, you know.

Things aren't working out, mate.

With what? Your grades, or is it Maia? What? With what?

- Is it your wife? What? - Everything.

- Um, this is my fiancé, David. - Hello, Rachel.

- Oh, hello, David. - Oh, your fiancé?

He actually proposed to me, um,

with a flash mob of 50 friends and family,

just out on this beautiful open beach.

- Oh. - So that sounds a bit intimidating.

It was. I can't really swim.

Let's click it out.

Hey, guys. This is my fiancé.

- Hi. - This is Vinnie.

- Ooh. - Hi, Vinnie.

- Nice to meet you. - Good day. Finally meet ya.

She talks about you all the time.

Really? What is she saying?

- Oh, she just... - Well, you know,

- "We're getting married..." - We haven't kissed yet.

And, and we don't plan on,

on it until after the wedding.

- It's to build the tension. - Oh, no!

- Yeah, I know about that. - You gotta kiss.

- I didn't tell you. - What if it's shocking?

Well, that's something that I guess we can work on through the marriage.

Yeah. We've got people that can help us with that.

- My mom's really involved. - Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

Okay. I'll get you a drink.

I don't want a drink. Tell me what's going on.

- Hi guys. Hi love birds. - Hi. Hello.

Would you all just like to, um...

Charge your glasses and, ah, what have you?

Sheree and I were just thinking,

and, you all know my, ah, lovely beautiful wife.

You know that she's been, ah,

part of the community for a number of years now,

and we were thinking, you know,

it'd be great to give her an award.

So thank you, John, for making the award.

So, Xing Xi-Ng, um... this is an award, to you...

Ah, for services to the Chinese community,

because you're a beautiful, loving wife, and my best friend.

Oh yes, and there's this as well.

So there it is.

So, thank you very much.

Obviously, he hasn't told you that we've been separated for six months.

Can you just accept the fact that I'm moving on with my life now,

and you're not gonna be part of that?

First it was one pump class, and then, and then it was a second,

and then she was at pump class every day of the week.

And it turns out she's fallen in love with this woman from pump class.

That's rough, brother.

Yeah. I'm, kind of, of no fixed abode at the moment.

If you know what that means.

Not a clue.

I'm sleeping in my station wagon.

- Yeah. - Should we go for a walk?

Okay.

Where are we going?

Everyone, um, I've lied too.

What are you doing?

This isn't David, my fiancé, this is David, my brother.

Oh! Fuck that!

- What? - Oh, God.

- What? - That's, fuck, you can't fuck each other.

No, no, no, we don't.

- No, he's just my-- - I'm a virgin.

He's not my fiancé.

I was just getting him to pretend to be my fiancé,

but I don't know that many men,

- so I just got my brother. - Oh. Thank fuck for that.

I just did it for ten dollars.

Actually, thank you for opening up,

because I'd actually like to say something.

Can you hold that?

So, the two bums, photocopied bums?

Yeah? One was my bum, and one was John's bum.

No more sushi for me.

No more cheese, no more eggs.

- I'm pregnant. - You're pregnant?

- Yeah. - Congratulations, mate!

- Yeah. - You're gonna be a father.

- Ra ra, ra, ra, ra. - Can I...?

Ah, yeah. You go, yep.

Um...

So the real, um,

Rudeman Beard, lived in the same block of units as me,

and he died two years ago.

And I, not only took his identity, but I also took his personality.

And he was a teacher.

But I've never been a teacher.

- What? - Until you guys embraced me.

Um, well, who are you then?

That's a really good question.

I'm still discovering that.

Well, what's your name?

What is your name, your born name?

Oh, Pete.

- Pete. - Yeah.

Pete who? What's your last name?

Pete Cheese.

Pete Cheese?

- Mister Cheese. - What's your real name, mate?

I'm Pete Cheese.

Is that so hard to understand?

- Ah, yes. - Yes.

- Yeah. - Yeah, it's really hard.

What, what kind of wolf did she say you were?

She said I was a gray wolf.

Just a household wolf.

- Yeah. - Fuck, I want to be a wolf, bro.

Yeah. Fuck, man.

You are a wolf, look at your eyes.

You've got the eyes of a wolf.

You've got wolf eyes.

Been a tough day for you,

but...

...we're proud of you, Jarred, and we love you.

- Cheers. - Yeah!

- Cheers! - I'll tell you what,

here's an award for services to the community.

I'll take that off.

Oh, Jarred.

Oh. Gosh, this means the world to me!

What do you reckon?

Hip hip.

- Hip, hip! Hooray! - Hooray!

- Oh! - Hip, hip!

Hooray!

Hip hip.

Hooray!

♪ Educators, are you ready ♪

♪ We are the teachers ♪

♪ And we're proud to shout it ♪

♪ We're rough, we're tough We're powder puffs ♪

♪ So come on, educators, do your stuff ♪

Then you spell it.

E-D-U-C, and then you spell it out.