Original subtitles

Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?

The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.

Their plan will be unfurled by the dawning of the sun.

They'll take over the world. They're Pinkie and the Brain.

Yes, Pinkie and the Brain. Their twilight campaign is easy to explain.

To prove their mouthy worth, they'll overthrow the Earth.

They're Pinkie, they're Pinkie and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,

Brain, Brain.

Is that enough?

Silence, Pinky.

These are the only garments I could obtain.

Besides, you are no Helen of Troy yourself.

Tonight we shall use the power of static electricity to conquer the world.

Observe.

See, Pinky?

Static will entrap the world in its own garments.

Lord Gibran, we look kind of groovy.

Don't use that word.

It sickens me.

To generate global static cling, we shall construct a massive clothes dryer.

Behold, the Titanocycle 4000, with three speeds and automatic wrinkle guard.

It will be huge, Pinky. The lint screen alone will be a half mile long.

A standing drain?

No. Unfortunately, a dryer of this magnitude will cost $14 billion and 59

cents.

I have it. We build a huge tooth and leave it under a pillow, a huge pillow,

then fairies will bring us lots of money.

I suggest you refrain from eating paint chips, Pinky. Now go busy yourself.

I must ponder a way to raise billions of dollars.

Right, Brain, I won't be a bother.

Brain, if I ate 100 jelly rolls, would I explode?

I must have peace, Pinky. Why don't you use this time to acquire a hobby?

You mean like restoring World War II aircraft?

Zoom! Bogey at three o 'clock!

Here, Pinky, try origami.

The Japanese art of paper folding.

It will provide you with countless hours of hope and fun.

Hey, Dad!

That's astounding, Brain!

Thank you, Pinky. Now quietly amuse yourself.

Good. Splendid.

Buddy, buddy, buddy!

Stop!

What is this?

A bird.

A round bird.

It's a mess.

The correct way to fold... That's it!

President signed $30 billion aid package to Chad.

Thank you.

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Well, I think so, Brain, but pantyhose are so uncomfortable in the summertime.

No, Pinky, the money.

We'll get it from the U .S. government.

Ooh. First, we establish a bogus nation.

Then, we dupe the State Department out of a huge foreign aid loan.

Genius, Brain. Oh, wait, no.

Won't they know we're not a real country? The average American's

geography is pitiful.

They'll think we're part of the former Soviet Union or Canada.

We'll create our own nation right here on Island X, strategically located

between Kwajalein and Lammeltrek. Its remote location will be perfect for the

giant clothes dryer.

Can we call the country Pinkyland?

Or maybe Eric?

Don't fix me, Pinky, or I shall turn on you. Now come.

A long sea voyage awaits us.

And at its end, we shall found a nation.

That nation shall be called Rainania.

I'm about to evacuate by lunch.

Luckily, this accursed ship will soon reach Island X.

A horrid rain?

We're almost out of spam, but there's a bunch of gelatin in here with bits of

spam stuck to it. Do you want any?

Right, I'll save you some, then. Zot!

No, Jocko. Away!

That was not my first choice.

We haven't seen anybody yet, Brain. I guess we're alone here.

Excellent, Pinky. It's time to flesh out the terrain.

That volcano will be Mount Brain.

Its clearing will be Brain Flat.

And that water over there... Oh, very well.

The Fjord of Pinky. Zod! Oh, thank you, Brain! The fjord of Pinkie!

I am stern but benevolent.

Fjord!

Fjord!

Let us salute our national colors.

I must

deliver my State of the Union address.

People of Brainania, the giant clothes dryer that I build here will mean jobs.

Jobs that will pay for schools.

Excuse me, Brain, but I... Quiet, Pinky.

Schools that will pay for more government waste.

What?

Ignited, Brain.

This is most unexpected.

I'll address them in the primitive Argo of the South Seas.

Me, number one fella. Other fella, number ten.

Catchy all same -same. You savvy?

G'day, mate.

Do you speak English? Me and the boys learned the lingo from an old island

trader. Later on, we ate him and shrank his blinkin' head. Wanna see?

Uh, perhaps later.

Anyway, you can call me Alan. Everyone does.

Hello, Alan. Um, I would be Pinky, and this is Prime Minister Brain, who is in

charge of this island and everything you see.

How'd you figure that, mate? This island belongs to our great volcano god,

Wanganui. What protects us from evil and harm and what all else?

You're claiming to be greater than our volcano god, and that don't set well

us.

My friend and I have been sent by your volcano god.

You've given us magical powers.

Behold, I can create fire from a little box.

So what? Big deal. Let's eat them.

I can steal your souls and put them in this glass.

So what? Big deal. Let's eat them. I can make bubbles with my spit.

Now do you believe we were sent by your god?

No, that's just really cool.

I'm sure Wonganui... Won't protect us from evil and... Not now.

Would approve of you.

We're your followers, mate.

Excellent.

Stop that, Pinky. You can aid us in building our country's most important

institutions. An airport, a chino parlor, and an overpriced gift shop.

We're gonna build brainania. We're gonna build brainania.

Pretty plain.

Save your adorational musings, Pinky.

Washington and the world await.

Oh, thank you, Marty.

Later.

Now listen carefully, Pinky. From now on, I am the most exalted Ned Limpopo,

Prime Minister of Brainania.

You are Hassan Lembeck, the Minister of Finance.

Do you understand?

Um, no, Brain. I don't think I'll do.

George!

I'll handle all matters of protocol.

You carry the diplomatic pouch.

Remember, it's genuine leather, so keep it dry.

Oh, right, Brain. I got it.

We'll obtain the loan and be gone before anyone is the wiser.

This should be like misappropriating milk duds from an infant.

Well, aren't you the tiniest foreigners I've had in here all morning? I'm Mrs.

Appleby. Can I help you?

Yes. We would like to have relations with you and steal some milk duds.

We wish to establish diplomatic relations with the U .S.

I am the Prime Minister of Brainania, and this is my Minister of Finance.

Brainania?

Oh, yes. I remember. You used to be a suburb of Prague.

Can you prove you're a nation?

Yes. We have postcards.

That's the fjord of Pinky. Fjord!

You foreign folks sure have your own queer little ways. This gives you

with the U .S. and a complimentary football phone. Congrats.

Thank you.

Now, we'd also like some big, fat foreign aid.

Oh, well, that'd be Mr.

Fontaine Bisque. You'll find him down that hall.

He's nasty.

Mr. Bisque, the Prime Minister of Brainania is here to see you.

Oh, great!

More moochers! Send him in.

Brainania, Brainania... Mr. Bisque, I am the most exalted Ned Limpopo, Prime

Minister and ruler of Brainania. This is Hassan Lembeck, my Minister of Finance.

We would like a great big sack of money, please.

Brenania? Oh, yes, you used to be a Dutch colony in South America.

What do you want a loan for?

I intend to build a Titanic clothes dryer and conquer the world.

No, please, stop. Next you'll be saying, what a country.

How much money do you want?

$14 billion and 59 cents.

And we'd prefer it in U .S. currency.

You see, our only money is the quib, an asphalt coin weighing over 30 pounds.

All Brainania has ripped pockets.

Sorry, no loan. There's nothing here to indicate financial trouble. In fact, you

have no credit rating at all. Now go away.

He can no doubt be pressured by a subtle threat.

In refusing our loan, you could harm delicate negotiations between Brainania

the U .S.

Oh, right, right, right.

We're going to invade your land, go boom, boom, boom, and make you our

slaves.

Invade? Help!

Brainania has declared war! Everyone to arms!

Pinky, you've just created an international incident.

Thank you, Clyde.

Quickly, let us... In the words of the immortal Yogi Berra, it's deja vu all

over again.

This is Punchline.

Good evening, I'm Fred Flopple.

The crisis continues between the U .S. and Brainania.

Is there an 11th hour chance for peace?

To find out, we have the Brainanian Minister of Finance, Hassan Lembak.

Not... And the most exalted Ned Limpopo, Prime Minister and ruler of Brainania.

Thank you, Fred. Good evening.

Perhaps you gentlemen would care to climb up on the desk.

Mr. Prime Minister, you claim that the State Department insulted your country

refusing foreign aid.

Is this worth a conflict?

Quite frankly, Fred, we've gone to war over a lot less.

Still, no one wants peace more than Brainania.

We are lovers of peace.

Oh, yes, I love peace very much. It's gooey in a good way.

Nevertheless, we will not be bullied.

Let the U .S. beware.

Ninety -one years ago, we fought the island of Yap to a savage draw.

My mother was there. Oh, yeah, she got hit on the head by a canoe paddle.

My people still sing of this around their little campfires.

Really? Would you sing a little of it for us now?

Uh, yes.

Beards in hand, we sail for Yap.

We will wipe them off the...

We will fight and never quit.

Find me a rooftop and I will spit enough.

And so the Braynani and David spat defiance at the Goliath United State.

Well, there you have it, gentlemen.

They won't back down, and neither will we.

As you see, all units are deployed and ready to go.

General Oden, where is Braynani?

It's up here on the big board.

Ah, where exactly, sir?

We're ready to go at a moment's notice.

Yes,

Mr. Secretary?

For the last time, General.

Where is Brainania?

Well, it's, uh, on the big board.

We're way down in the poles. We need a fast, easy war.

Sir, Brainania isn't on the map.

Our satellites can't find it, and it's not listed in any back issues of

Geographic. Sadly, we can't go to war with a country we can't find.

Whoosh.

Edward Burrow here, live as the Brainania motorcade heads for the White

sign an historic peace and friendship treaty.

Last second diplomacy has averted a war, and a grateful America turns out to

thank Brainania for... Our bluff was successful, Pinky. In a few short hours,

shall have our foreign aid loan, and then the world.

Buddy, buddy, buddy!

I sense that much of this historic moment is escaping you.

Mr. President, may I present the most exalted Ned Limpopo, a prime minister

ruler of Brainania, and his minister of finance, Hassan Lembeck.

Me, number one fella. Other fellas, number ten.

Catchy all the same, Sam, you savvy?

I speak fluent English.

Hey, sure you do.

All Brainania ever wanted from the U .S. was friendship.

Friendship and $14 billion.

and 59 cents.

The friendship I will treasure.

The money I will spend on polo ponies and cruise missiles.

Thank you.

Not to sound ungracious, but pressing state business awaits me in Brainania.

Certainly, Mr. Prime Minister.

However, before we grant you the loan, there's a small favor we'd like to ask.

Perhaps your Minister of Finance will want to hear this.

He's praying.

Of course.

Now then, we were wondering if Renania would mind storing nine and a half tons

of our nuclear waste.

Yeah, we're kind of out of room right now.

Reactor core control rods or resins and filters?

Actually, it's core fuel.

Strontium -90 or uranium -238?

Uranium -238. We use it because it splinters easily when struck by a free

neutron. Hmm.

We'll take four tons, provided you supply Berloian -line Metzger tanks.

Seven. Five. Done.

I don't know what you're all talking about, but it sure sounds smart.

Here. And you better not lose it, buster. I just erased your record.

You won't get another check from me.

One should be enough.

Thanks and farewell, you niggling bureaucrat. What'd you call me? The

fool. We'll see how he rages after he's been in our clothes dryer and his very

garments imprison him like a mummy.

Then we can put tickly things in his nose.

Zot! Let's not be vindictive, Pinky.

I don't understand it, Pinky. We've looked everywhere. The entire island is

deserted. Maybe Alan went to the store.

Probably to eat a clerk.

G'day, mate. Me and the boys are bugged out because Wonganui... Won't protect us

from evil. Not now.

He's blinking mad.

Best of luck and all that, Alan.

Now I get it!

To eat a clerk!

Fjord! Quiet, Pinky.

Without Alan and the others, we must clear the jungle ourselves.

Buy the parts, build the dryer.

Draft! We've lost our workforce.

Well, at least we've still got Drainania.

I sense life has taken another sardonic twist.

To sea, Pinky. We're almost to safety.

We must get away from the coastline in the event of a... tidal wave, Bane.

A seismic wave or a tsunami, either would be correct.

Fjord! They are a curse of the mice.

Woo -hoo -hoo!

Oh, that was fun, I tried!

Kabloosh!

Don't you have a... hobby.

Oh, right. Yes, I do.

Mother Nature has flammed her unmerciful fist on our fair isle, Tinky.

Do you know what this means?

Buddy, buddy, buddy!

Blast it, Tinky. I said, do you know what this means?

Um, it means you just tore up our foreign aid check.

I feel weak and sheepish.

Start paddling, Pinky. We must reach the lab before tomorrow night.

Why? What are we going to do tomorrow night, Brain?

Same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world.

There's Pinky, there's Pinky on the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain.