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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,054 --> 00:00:04,188 Guys, guess what I found-- my set list 2 00:00:04,255 --> 00:00:05,389 from when I did stand-up in fifth grade. 3 00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:08,425 What is the deal 4 00:00:08,493 --> 00:00:10,627 with these moms who make lunch? 5 00:00:10,695 --> 00:00:12,696 Have you seen this? Have you heard about this, Kelvin? 6 00:00:12,763 --> 00:00:15,398 I mean, why are you writing me a note, you silly goose? 7 00:00:15,466 --> 00:00:18,601 I know you love me. You told me this morning! 8 00:00:18,668 --> 00:00:22,305 And what is the deal with these juice box straws? 9 00:00:22,373 --> 00:00:25,208 I mean, how hard does it have to be 10 00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,010 to get the facacta thing in the hole? 11 00:00:27,077 --> 00:00:29,078 It just spills all over ya! 12 00:00:29,146 --> 00:00:30,479 And then I have a bunch of stuff about, like, 13 00:00:30,546 --> 00:00:32,780 the difference between little girls and little boys. 14 00:00:32,848 --> 00:00:34,549 You know, little girls be sharin'. 15 00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:36,385 They be sharin', man. Little girls be sharin'. 16 00:00:36,452 --> 00:00:37,819 It's funny 'cause it's a list. 17 00:00:39,288 --> 00:00:41,423 Oh, boo. You're not laughing. What's wrong? 18 00:00:41,491 --> 00:00:43,225 You consto? 19 00:00:43,292 --> 00:00:45,994 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just bummed about work junk. 20 00:00:46,061 --> 00:00:48,062 The car czar and his cronies are this total boys club, 21 00:00:48,130 --> 00:00:49,230 and I can't get in. 22 00:00:49,297 --> 00:00:50,697 Whoa. 23 00:00:50,765 --> 00:00:51,899 Look at the sunny-side ups on that breakfast platter. 24 00:00:51,966 --> 00:00:53,067 Mm-hmm-hmm-hmm! 25 00:00:53,135 --> 00:00:54,502 Hey, boys. 26 00:00:54,569 --> 00:00:56,370 What are we doin'? Looking at some girly pics? 27 00:00:56,438 --> 00:00:58,572 I can get in with that. 28 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,409 Ahh, yeah, to think that she is somebody's daughter. 29 00:01:03,377 --> 00:01:04,877 She was once a baby... 30 00:01:04,945 --> 00:01:06,379 In a nursery. 31 00:01:06,447 --> 00:01:09,382 It is infuriating. 32 00:01:09,450 --> 00:01:10,650 Baby, calm down. 33 00:01:10,717 --> 00:01:13,319 You're forgetting your sexy secret weapon. 34 00:01:13,387 --> 00:01:15,055 My Jack Nicholson impression. 35 00:01:15,122 --> 00:01:16,289 Hmm? 36 00:01:16,357 --> 00:01:17,723 Lakers. 37 00:01:17,791 --> 00:01:19,658 No. Me! 38 00:01:19,725 --> 00:01:21,060 I'm amazing at guy talk. 39 00:01:21,127 --> 00:01:23,595 Just invite the guys over, and I'll help you get in. 40 00:01:23,663 --> 00:01:24,696 I'll be your guy guide. 41 00:01:24,764 --> 00:01:25,897 Your guyde. 42 00:01:25,965 --> 00:01:27,433 Yep, already a word. 43 00:01:27,500 --> 00:01:28,700 Realized it as soon as I said it. 44 00:01:28,768 --> 00:01:30,302 - Yeah. - Hey, guys. 45 00:01:30,370 --> 00:01:31,670 - Hey! - Whazzup! 46 00:01:31,737 --> 00:01:34,405 What-- question mark-- is-- question mark-- that? 47 00:01:34,473 --> 00:01:35,673 I just went to see Dr. Spratt 48 00:01:35,740 --> 00:01:37,808 about my little spill down the stairs, 49 00:01:37,876 --> 00:01:39,743 and apparently, I still have a mild concussion, 50 00:01:39,811 --> 00:01:43,081 and I have to wear this stupid helmet for a month. 51 00:01:43,148 --> 00:01:44,982 You look like a crayon a fat kid would eat. 52 00:01:45,050 --> 00:01:47,285 Did you valet your kayak or did you find street parking? 53 00:01:47,352 --> 00:01:48,419 Let's go around the horn! 54 00:01:48,487 --> 00:01:50,187 Yeah, did you, uh... oh... 55 00:01:50,254 --> 00:01:51,888 Helmet joke. I just wanted in. 56 00:01:51,956 --> 00:01:53,723 You know what? I think this is really good because... 57 00:01:53,791 --> 00:01:55,292 you do hit your head a lot. 58 00:01:55,359 --> 00:01:56,659 Aah! 59 00:01:56,727 --> 00:01:58,295 - I'm going down. Oh! - Ohh! 60 00:01:58,362 --> 00:01:59,762 Okay? Aah! 61 00:01:59,830 --> 00:02:01,998 Yeah, I don't remember any of that. 62 00:02:02,066 --> 00:02:04,801 Maybe because of the concussion. 63 00:02:04,868 --> 00:02:06,402 How did I get here? 64 00:02:06,470 --> 00:02:07,903 Penny. 65 00:02:07,971 --> 00:02:09,472 Penny. Penny. 66 00:02:09,539 --> 00:02:11,173 Pen. 67 00:02:11,241 --> 00:02:12,741 - Penny. - Stop. 68 00:02:12,809 --> 00:02:15,411 Stop. It's not funny. 69 00:02:15,479 --> 00:02:18,481 ♪ 70 00:02:18,548 --> 00:02:22,048 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 71 00:02:25,488 --> 00:02:29,557 Goal! 72 00:02:29,625 --> 00:02:30,858 - Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! - All right, 73 00:02:30,926 --> 00:02:32,860 enough with the showboating, ya tiny Hooligan. 74 00:02:32,928 --> 00:02:34,462 It's bad enough we're getting beat by someone 75 00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:37,599 who's only slightly larger than the actual foosball players. 76 00:02:37,666 --> 00:02:39,266 I'm sorry. 77 00:02:39,334 --> 00:02:40,734 ♪ 78 00:02:44,139 --> 00:02:45,506 You had to take her to a soccer game? 79 00:02:45,573 --> 00:02:47,073 It will never catch on here. 80 00:02:47,142 --> 00:02:48,742 Oh, great. 81 00:02:48,809 --> 00:02:50,544 There's Brody. I hate that douche. 82 00:02:50,612 --> 00:02:52,146 Oh. Are you kidding me? 83 00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:54,347 This guy is a world-class dum-dum. 84 00:02:54,414 --> 00:02:56,649 I think you guys are being pretty hard on Brody. 85 00:02:56,716 --> 00:02:58,184 He seems like a funny, nice guy, 86 00:02:58,252 --> 00:03:00,719 plus his name has the word "bro" built right into it. 87 00:03:00,787 --> 00:03:04,223 Yo, D. Rose! What's up, gangsta? 88 00:03:04,291 --> 00:03:05,824 How's it going, Brody? 89 00:03:05,892 --> 00:03:08,027 - Just crushin' life, bro. - Congrats. 90 00:03:08,094 --> 00:03:09,695 Whoa! Still hanging out with the nutcracker, huh? 91 00:03:11,430 --> 00:03:12,430 The nutcracker! Classic Brody! 92 00:03:12,498 --> 00:03:14,266 Ohh! 93 00:03:14,333 --> 00:03:15,600 Your hand's a turkey, bro. 94 00:03:17,903 --> 00:03:19,204 Wild turkey. 95 00:03:19,272 --> 00:03:20,672 Ohh! 96 00:03:20,739 --> 00:03:23,341 What a sick jerk. 97 00:03:23,409 --> 00:03:24,909 I know. 98 00:03:24,977 --> 00:03:26,377 Why can't he understand that Alex and I have transcended-- 99 00:03:26,444 --> 00:03:28,712 - Not your crap! The fist bump! - What? 100 00:03:28,780 --> 00:03:31,715 A fist bump is a sacred contract between the fists of men. 101 00:03:31,783 --> 00:03:33,050 You don't go playing around, 102 00:03:33,117 --> 00:03:34,951 turning people's hands into turkeys. 103 00:03:35,019 --> 00:03:38,789 I don't like that guy, and I want it on record. 104 00:03:38,856 --> 00:03:40,658 We've been over this. There is no actual record. 105 00:03:40,725 --> 00:03:42,858 Then why are we doing any of this? 106 00:03:42,926 --> 00:03:45,161 Okay, babe, get ready to follow me into the boys club. 107 00:03:45,229 --> 00:03:47,096 All guys love college football, 108 00:03:47,164 --> 00:03:48,431 so I'm gonna bring it up, 109 00:03:48,499 --> 00:03:50,300 then you launch into your tirade about the BCS. 110 00:03:50,367 --> 00:03:52,134 We need a legitimate playoff system! 111 00:03:52,203 --> 00:03:53,403 - Mm! - Let's do it. 112 00:03:53,470 --> 00:03:55,405 - Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Unh! - Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Unh! 113 00:03:57,508 --> 00:03:59,841 Everybody having a good time? 114 00:03:59,909 --> 00:04:01,810 - Great party, Jane. - Mm-hmm. 115 00:04:01,877 --> 00:04:03,178 Oh, except for these veggie puff things. 116 00:04:03,246 --> 00:04:05,780 You got anything with some... animal in it? 117 00:04:05,848 --> 00:04:07,882 You know, something that used to have a mom? 118 00:04:07,950 --> 00:04:10,085 Speaking of moms... 119 00:04:10,152 --> 00:04:12,287 I see a lot of college football fans around here, huh? 120 00:04:12,355 --> 00:04:13,855 Man, do I approve of the BCS! 121 00:04:13,923 --> 00:04:17,592 No! We need a legitimate playoff system! Huh! 122 00:04:17,659 --> 00:04:20,628 I'm not a fan of college, uh, football. 123 00:04:23,599 --> 00:04:24,765 Hey! Oh! 124 00:04:24,833 --> 00:04:26,867 I love this candle, Jane! 125 00:04:26,935 --> 00:04:28,969 Oh! Where did you get this? 126 00:04:29,037 --> 00:04:32,805 Well, actually, I made it in my candle studio/our laundry room. 127 00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:34,173 Really? 128 00:04:34,242 --> 00:04:36,209 - Yeah. - Would you show me how you do it? 129 00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:38,278 Uh-oh! You did it now, Brad. 130 00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:39,579 You found her hobby... 131 00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:41,047 Making bad versions 132 00:04:41,115 --> 00:04:43,149 of things that you could just easily buy in a store. 133 00:04:44,619 --> 00:04:47,286 But, by all means, show her how you make that thing. 134 00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:49,255 Yeah. Show me how you make it. 135 00:04:49,322 --> 00:04:50,956 Show me. Show me, show me, show me! 136 00:04:51,023 --> 00:04:52,591 Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Don't leave me. 137 00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:54,727 Unh! 138 00:04:55,995 --> 00:04:58,597 So... 139 00:04:58,665 --> 00:05:01,233 you and the guys wanna go check out some porno? 140 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,401 Get some eyes on some thighs? 141 00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:06,003 Some peepers on some creepers? 142 00:05:06,071 --> 00:05:08,806 Some rods and cones on some... 143 00:05:08,874 --> 00:05:11,876 bwras and thowngs? 144 00:05:13,779 --> 00:05:14,979 No. 145 00:05:15,046 --> 00:05:17,081 This helmet thing isn't that bad. 146 00:05:17,149 --> 00:05:19,583 I mean, we just need to cute it up, right? 147 00:05:19,651 --> 00:05:21,518 Here. Take that off. Try this one. 148 00:05:21,586 --> 00:05:23,253 Eh? Come on, it's pink. 149 00:05:23,321 --> 00:05:24,655 All right. 150 00:05:24,722 --> 00:05:26,623 This is so stupid. 151 00:05:26,691 --> 00:05:28,759 What? I think it's cute. 152 00:05:30,060 --> 00:05:31,595 Oh! So sorry. Sorry. Oh. 153 00:05:31,663 --> 00:05:33,029 Oh, no. Don't worry about it. 154 00:05:33,097 --> 00:05:34,897 Actually, I read somewhere that wearing a helmet 155 00:05:34,964 --> 00:05:37,366 reduces your peripheral vision by 40%. 156 00:05:37,434 --> 00:05:39,034 - Really? - No, I can't read. 157 00:05:40,671 --> 00:05:41,704 I'm, uh, I'm Pete. 158 00:05:41,772 --> 00:05:43,472 - Oh. Penny. Hello. - Penny. 159 00:05:43,540 --> 00:05:45,641 - Helmet shopping, I see. - Well... 160 00:05:45,709 --> 00:05:47,743 I'm, uh, I'm looking for a lock myself. 161 00:05:47,811 --> 00:05:49,077 There's a hobo in my neighborhood 162 00:05:49,145 --> 00:05:50,679 who keeps trying to steal my bike. 163 00:05:50,746 --> 00:05:52,246 Nice use of the word "hobo." 164 00:05:52,315 --> 00:05:53,715 Makes him seem more quaint, right? 165 00:05:53,783 --> 00:05:54,882 A "quaint"? 166 00:05:54,950 --> 00:05:56,117 Isn't that the space 167 00:05:56,185 --> 00:05:58,420 between a gal's goal and her penalty box? 168 00:05:58,487 --> 00:06:00,221 I'm sorry. 169 00:06:00,289 --> 00:06:02,089 I'm gonna be kinda forward here. 170 00:06:02,157 --> 00:06:04,793 Do you wanna get a coffee with me sometime? 171 00:06:04,860 --> 00:06:08,329 I would love to. I would love to. 172 00:06:08,396 --> 00:06:12,299 But you know what? I've got so much going on. So slammed. 173 00:06:12,367 --> 00:06:13,900 No, it's okay. It's totally okay. 174 00:06:13,968 --> 00:06:16,036 Can't, uh, can't blame a guy for trying. 175 00:06:17,305 --> 00:06:19,139 - All right. - Okay. 176 00:06:19,173 --> 00:06:21,375 - Are you crazy? He's beautiful. - I know. 177 00:06:21,443 --> 00:06:22,809 - He's soo cyah. - So cyah. 178 00:06:22,876 --> 00:06:25,712 So cyah. I can't go on a date wearing this. 179 00:06:25,779 --> 00:06:28,147 Come on. He could be your soul mate, your kindred spirit, 180 00:06:28,215 --> 00:06:29,615 your "One Tree Hill". 181 00:06:29,683 --> 00:06:31,317 That's not the saying, but you're right. 182 00:06:31,385 --> 00:06:33,986 I cannot let this thing hold me back. 183 00:06:34,054 --> 00:06:35,388 I have helmet. 184 00:06:35,456 --> 00:06:38,190 - Helmet doesn't have me. - That's right. 185 00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:41,560 - Hey, Pete? - Hmm? 186 00:06:41,627 --> 00:06:43,762 Um, I'm actually in for that coffee. 187 00:06:43,830 --> 00:06:45,397 Great! What changed your mind? 188 00:06:45,465 --> 00:06:47,699 Uh, just some advice from a friend. 189 00:06:47,767 --> 00:06:48,967 She's very wise. 190 00:06:50,903 --> 00:06:53,972 This one's top-notch. Barely felt that. 191 00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:55,473 Ah, she's a gem. 192 00:06:59,357 --> 00:07:00,890 Four sandos and counting. 193 00:07:00,958 --> 00:07:02,993 What's with the big appetite, hungry puppy? 194 00:07:03,060 --> 00:07:05,429 I'm carbo-fueling my rage for Brody. 195 00:07:05,497 --> 00:07:06,830 Come on, man. It was just a fist bump. 196 00:07:06,897 --> 00:07:09,333 It was... Not just a fist bump! 197 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:10,967 I'm sensitive, okay? 198 00:07:11,035 --> 00:07:13,504 This is not the first time I've been handshake-betrayed. 199 00:07:13,571 --> 00:07:15,238 It was the fifth damn grade. 200 00:07:15,305 --> 00:07:17,406 Jimmy Nichols offered me a high-fiver. 201 00:07:17,474 --> 00:07:19,242 I accepted. 202 00:07:19,309 --> 00:07:22,578 Why not? It would be rude not to. 203 00:07:22,646 --> 00:07:23,613 Then he offered me one down low. 204 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:24,747 Took that as well. 205 00:07:24,814 --> 00:07:26,482 Bam! 206 00:07:26,950 --> 00:07:29,384 Pulled that "too slow" crap 207 00:07:29,452 --> 00:07:31,285 just like the cheatin' half-Italian bastard 208 00:07:31,353 --> 00:07:32,520 that he was. 209 00:07:37,125 --> 00:07:38,259 School would no longer be 210 00:07:38,326 --> 00:07:40,528 a safe place for me to shake hands. 211 00:07:43,532 --> 00:07:44,732 Dave? 212 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,568 Down low, too slow. 213 00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:49,002 David? 214 00:07:49,070 --> 00:07:50,804 All that pain... 215 00:07:50,872 --> 00:07:52,105 What's happening? 216 00:07:52,173 --> 00:07:53,674 It's my fault. 217 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:58,344 I invented "down low, too slow." 218 00:07:58,412 --> 00:07:59,646 What? 219 00:07:59,714 --> 00:08:01,682 I did this to you. 220 00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:02,782 What are you talking about? 221 00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:04,784 I'm sorry. I'm sorry! 222 00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,118 - Dave! - I'm sorry! 223 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:08,420 What are you talk-- what about your truck?! 224 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,622 What are you talking about, Candice? 225 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,423 You'd look great with bangs. 226 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,025 May I? Watch. 227 00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:16,361 - Look at that. See? - All right. 228 00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:18,830 So then Denise comes back from the garden center 229 00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:19,931 - with another fountain. - Ohh! 230 00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:21,365 That makes three. 231 00:08:21,433 --> 00:08:23,969 Oh! Hey, hey, hey! I'm feeling you, guy. 232 00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:25,937 If shopping were an olympic sport, 233 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,372 my wife would be... 234 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:29,708 a fat bitch. 235 00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,511 Ohh! 236 00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:34,645 How you doin'? 237 00:08:37,916 --> 00:08:39,316 You guys think your wives are bad? 238 00:08:39,383 --> 00:08:41,085 Brad is so spoiled, 239 00:08:41,152 --> 00:08:43,353 he can't sing "Louie, Louie" 240 00:08:43,421 --> 00:08:46,223 without adding the words "Vuitton, Vuitton." 241 00:08:54,064 --> 00:08:56,966 Who knew?! Ha ha! Kerkovich! 242 00:08:57,034 --> 00:08:59,502 Gettin' loose with the spousal abuse! 243 00:08:59,569 --> 00:09:00,637 - Mm. - Wow! 244 00:09:00,704 --> 00:09:01,838 Hey, let me ask you something. 245 00:09:01,905 --> 00:09:03,873 Is there a 10-inch whore here? 246 00:09:03,941 --> 00:09:05,341 'Cause that was a low blow! 247 00:09:05,408 --> 00:09:06,475 Ohh! 248 00:09:06,543 --> 00:09:07,643 Give me that, dum-dum. 249 00:09:07,710 --> 00:09:09,344 That's for you. 250 00:09:09,411 --> 00:09:10,478 Oh. 251 00:09:13,983 --> 00:09:15,583 Hi! 252 00:09:15,652 --> 00:09:17,619 Wow! Well. 253 00:09:17,687 --> 00:09:19,187 Listen, I know we talked about coffee, 254 00:09:19,255 --> 00:09:21,322 but I thought we could do something a little different, 255 00:09:21,390 --> 00:09:24,391 so I booked us on a segway tour. 256 00:09:24,459 --> 00:09:25,926 What? 257 00:09:25,994 --> 00:09:27,161 Wow. Um... 258 00:09:27,228 --> 00:09:29,429 Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? 259 00:09:29,497 --> 00:09:30,931 Uh, okay. We could do that. 260 00:09:30,999 --> 00:09:32,133 - Yeah? - Yeah. 261 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:33,801 I mean, it's gonna be awesome. 262 00:09:33,869 --> 00:09:35,136 I know it's lame that they make us wear these stupid helmets. 263 00:09:35,203 --> 00:09:37,304 I was all, "um, I think we're cool. 264 00:09:37,372 --> 00:09:38,605 We're not gonna, like, 265 00:09:38,673 --> 00:09:40,439 accidentally bang our heads on stuff." 266 00:09:40,507 --> 00:09:42,575 And the segway guy was all, "the president of our company 267 00:09:42,643 --> 00:09:43,977 actually died tragically on one of these." 268 00:09:44,045 --> 00:09:46,813 And I was all, "I'm sorry for your loss." 269 00:09:46,881 --> 00:09:48,682 Okay, well, uh, let's segway. 270 00:09:48,749 --> 00:09:50,316 - Let's segway! - Let's segway. 271 00:09:50,384 --> 00:09:51,551 - Okay, the tour company is around the corner. - Okay. 272 00:09:51,618 --> 00:09:52,652 - Follow me, sir. - Yeah. 273 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:54,054 But it's very intuitive. 274 00:09:54,121 --> 00:09:55,120 It's kind of an art, is what I'm... 275 00:09:55,188 --> 00:09:56,254 Oh. Look out. Jeez. 276 00:09:56,322 --> 00:09:57,890 - Penny, you okay? - Yeah, I'm good. 277 00:09:57,957 --> 00:09:59,792 Honestly, this could not be easier to do, in a weird way. 278 00:10:01,061 --> 00:10:03,796 That's it, Penny. Try leaning another way. 279 00:10:03,863 --> 00:10:05,798 Okay. 280 00:10:05,865 --> 00:10:07,632 Then try... 281 00:10:07,701 --> 00:10:09,134 - You're dragging a chair. - I think-- I know. 282 00:10:09,202 --> 00:10:10,468 - Just-- just... - Yeah, no, I'm... 283 00:10:12,337 --> 00:10:13,571 - Hiya! - That's it. You got that. 284 00:10:13,638 --> 00:10:14,839 Yeah! 285 00:10:14,907 --> 00:10:17,942 Ohh. Great party, Jane. 286 00:10:18,010 --> 00:10:20,144 And thanks for the scotch. 287 00:10:20,212 --> 00:10:22,714 That was the second-best 18-year-old I've had all week. 288 00:10:22,781 --> 00:10:24,949 Ohh! 289 00:10:25,017 --> 00:10:26,317 He's just playing. 290 00:10:26,384 --> 00:10:28,085 - Yes, he is. - Y-yeah. Yeah. 291 00:10:28,152 --> 00:10:31,121 Playing with breasts that aren't attached to someone I hate. 292 00:10:31,189 --> 00:10:32,288 What?! 293 00:10:32,356 --> 00:10:33,690 - Ohh! - Ohh! 294 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,625 - Unh! - Aah! 295 00:10:35,693 --> 00:10:36,927 Aah! 296 00:10:36,994 --> 00:10:38,628 His humor makes me uncomfortable. 297 00:10:38,696 --> 00:10:40,163 They're fine. 298 00:10:40,231 --> 00:10:42,998 Baby, I am so sorry I left you hanging with the guys. 299 00:10:43,066 --> 00:10:45,467 I got caught up with the wives, and they would not let me go. 300 00:10:45,535 --> 00:10:47,069 It all worked out. 301 00:10:47,137 --> 00:10:49,271 I got to shoot the bull with the boys club all night. 302 00:10:49,339 --> 00:10:51,874 And they invited me 303 00:10:51,942 --> 00:10:54,744 to watch a game with them after work! 304 00:10:54,811 --> 00:10:55,978 Oh, that's great! I got invited out, too. 305 00:10:56,046 --> 00:10:57,546 The gals want me to go to their spinning class 306 00:10:57,614 --> 00:10:58,780 and then have salads afterwards. 307 00:10:58,848 --> 00:10:59,948 Look at us-- 308 00:11:00,015 --> 00:11:02,150 me in the boys club, 309 00:11:02,218 --> 00:11:03,952 you hangin' with the trophy wives. 310 00:11:04,019 --> 00:11:05,186 Yeah! 311 00:11:05,254 --> 00:11:07,055 Hold up. 312 00:11:07,123 --> 00:11:08,556 Are you calling me a trophy wife? 313 00:11:08,624 --> 00:11:09,690 W-- 314 00:11:09,759 --> 00:11:10,959 'Cause that's awesome! 315 00:11:11,026 --> 00:11:12,560 Yeah! Unh! 316 00:11:12,628 --> 00:11:13,928 - Mmm! Mmm! - Mmm! Mmm! 317 00:11:13,996 --> 00:11:15,262 Oh, you did it. 318 00:11:15,329 --> 00:11:17,497 - Uhh! Uhh! Uhh! Unh! - You did it. Unh! 319 00:11:17,565 --> 00:11:18,632 Yes! Yes! 320 00:11:18,699 --> 00:11:20,200 How are we doing, Brad? 321 00:11:20,268 --> 00:11:21,835 Great! Yeah! 322 00:11:21,903 --> 00:11:23,937 Ha ha! Aah! 323 00:11:24,005 --> 00:11:25,605 - Yeah! - Yeah! 324 00:11:25,673 --> 00:11:26,774 Yeah! 325 00:11:26,841 --> 00:11:27,908 - Hey! - Yeah! 326 00:11:30,378 --> 00:11:31,844 - Aah! Oh! - Aah! 327 00:11:34,749 --> 00:11:37,049 You just got car czared! 328 00:11:37,117 --> 00:11:38,818 Ohh! That was the best ever! 329 00:11:38,886 --> 00:11:41,554 So... how are things going with Pete? 330 00:11:41,622 --> 00:11:42,789 Not great. 331 00:11:42,856 --> 00:11:44,123 I mean, I really like him 332 00:11:44,191 --> 00:11:46,393 and I even gave us our own couple name. 333 00:11:46,460 --> 00:11:48,527 P&P Romance Factory. 334 00:11:50,062 --> 00:11:51,930 But I do think he's getting a little weirded out 335 00:11:51,998 --> 00:11:54,466 that I only wanna go on dates where we wear helmets. 336 00:11:54,534 --> 00:11:57,269 Yesterday, we took a moped safety course. 337 00:11:57,337 --> 00:11:58,504 Well, I'm glad you came to me 338 00:11:58,571 --> 00:11:59,705 because I-- you're welcome-- 339 00:11:59,773 --> 00:12:02,441 took it upon myself to fix your problem. 340 00:12:02,509 --> 00:12:04,409 Hey, guys. 341 00:12:04,476 --> 00:12:06,377 Have you seen Dave? 342 00:12:06,445 --> 00:12:08,012 He ran out of the truck yesterday, acting really weird, 343 00:12:08,079 --> 00:12:09,447 and he's been... 344 00:12:11,517 --> 00:12:13,618 You can still tell I'm wearing a helmet, can't you? 345 00:12:13,686 --> 00:12:16,821 Al, I don't think this is gonna work. 346 00:12:16,888 --> 00:12:18,823 Really? I think they're great. 347 00:12:18,890 --> 00:12:20,490 I don't know what the two of you are up to. 348 00:12:20,558 --> 00:12:22,592 I think it's amazing. I want no part of it. 349 00:12:22,660 --> 00:12:25,228 I need to go find Dave. So make yourself useful and help me! 350 00:12:28,199 --> 00:12:31,100 Oh, no. This is bad. He's into the sangria. 351 00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:32,268 What do you want? 352 00:12:32,337 --> 00:12:34,371 Good God, man! 353 00:12:34,439 --> 00:12:36,071 That is the worst sangria mouth I've ever seen 354 00:12:36,139 --> 00:12:37,740 on a non-spaniard. 355 00:12:37,808 --> 00:12:40,209 All the pain you suffered from "down low, too slow"... 356 00:12:40,276 --> 00:12:41,610 it's my fault. 357 00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:42,812 - Oh. - Dave... 358 00:12:42,879 --> 00:12:44,480 I don't think that you created-- 359 00:12:44,548 --> 00:12:48,751 I was 10 years old. I high-fived Becky Lutz. 360 00:12:48,819 --> 00:12:50,219 Then I offered her one lower down. 361 00:12:50,286 --> 00:12:51,653 "Down low," we called it. 362 00:12:51,721 --> 00:12:54,055 She swung for my hand, and I pulled it away, 363 00:12:54,122 --> 00:12:56,624 and then the rhyme spilled from my lips... 364 00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:58,626 like poison. 365 00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:01,730 "Too slow." 366 00:13:01,797 --> 00:13:04,065 Becky died that summer... 367 00:13:04,132 --> 00:13:05,500 Whoa! Unexpected turn. 368 00:13:05,568 --> 00:13:07,768 "My Girl"-style. 369 00:13:07,836 --> 00:13:08,902 Bees. 370 00:13:08,970 --> 00:13:10,136 You know when you're young 371 00:13:10,204 --> 00:13:11,438 and you get something in your head 372 00:13:11,506 --> 00:13:12,740 and no one corrects you, but you keep believing it 373 00:13:12,807 --> 00:13:14,475 - even though it's crazy? - Yeah. 374 00:13:14,542 --> 00:13:17,077 Till I was 13, I used to think "L-M-N-O" was one letter. 375 00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:18,512 You're an idiot. 376 00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:19,613 I'm an idiot? 377 00:13:19,681 --> 00:13:20,814 What comes after Tuesday? 378 00:13:20,882 --> 00:13:22,048 Wed-nes-day. 379 00:13:22,116 --> 00:13:23,449 - I'm sorry. I didn't... - Wed-nes-day. 380 00:13:23,517 --> 00:13:24,917 Who knows how many lives I've ruined, 381 00:13:24,985 --> 00:13:27,653 how many dreams I've burgled?! 382 00:13:27,721 --> 00:13:28,788 Maybe we should just tell him. - I know. 383 00:13:28,856 --> 00:13:31,557 I gotta make this right. 384 00:13:31,625 --> 00:13:34,827 I'm gonna use my knowledge of handshake trickery 385 00:13:34,895 --> 00:13:38,898 and teach you a countermove to the turkey fist bump. 386 00:13:38,965 --> 00:13:41,500 You can take Brody down. 387 00:13:41,567 --> 00:13:44,068 This may be 388 00:13:44,136 --> 00:13:46,772 the single dumbest thing 389 00:13:46,839 --> 00:13:49,808 that have I ever been associated with, 390 00:13:49,876 --> 00:13:52,176 and I love it and I'm in. 391 00:13:52,244 --> 00:13:54,413 Mmm, mmm. 392 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:55,514 Ahh. 393 00:13:55,581 --> 00:13:57,215 Ugh. Good God. 394 00:14:00,910 --> 00:14:01,943 I like that. Yeah. 395 00:14:02,010 --> 00:14:03,210 Hey, boo! 396 00:14:03,278 --> 00:14:05,046 Hey, babe. I made that salad you like. 397 00:14:05,113 --> 00:14:06,448 Burrata, tomatoes, 398 00:14:06,515 --> 00:14:08,282 and balsamic so old it's a burden on its children. 399 00:14:08,350 --> 00:14:09,584 Aw! 400 00:14:09,652 --> 00:14:10,919 You're sweet. 401 00:14:10,986 --> 00:14:12,787 Hey, you got yours trained well, huh? 402 00:14:12,855 --> 00:14:14,322 If only I could train him 403 00:14:14,389 --> 00:14:17,124 to not spend so much money on gossip magazines. Am I right? 404 00:14:19,127 --> 00:14:20,761 Yeah, these guys... 405 00:14:20,829 --> 00:14:22,596 - Oh, boy. - What was that? 406 00:14:22,664 --> 00:14:24,065 What? 407 00:14:24,132 --> 00:14:25,632 Uh, you junk-talking me in front of your coworkers. 408 00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:27,134 No. We always talk about our wives. 409 00:14:27,202 --> 00:14:29,103 That's how I bonded with these guys. 410 00:14:29,171 --> 00:14:31,571 Ted always talks about how dumb Sheila is. 411 00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:33,706 Keith talks about Wanda's surgery addiction. 412 00:14:33,774 --> 00:14:35,708 She looks like a Tom Petty Halloween mask. 413 00:14:35,776 --> 00:14:38,911 Hey! Wanda is a lovely, inspiring person. 414 00:14:39,981 --> 00:14:42,282 Whoa, babe! You seem crabby. 415 00:14:42,350 --> 00:14:44,917 Why don't you... 416 00:14:44,986 --> 00:14:47,987 go run along to the store, 417 00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,221 get yourself something nice? 418 00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:54,726 Oh, you did not just say that to me! 419 00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:04,802 Well... Pete and I are done. 420 00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:06,904 What happened? 421 00:15:06,972 --> 00:15:08,406 Well, I planned us this impromptu picnic. 422 00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:11,675 I couldn't do a normal picnic because of... 423 00:15:11,743 --> 00:15:14,845 Needless to say, it did-a not-a go-a well-a. 424 00:15:16,748 --> 00:15:18,416 Okay. 425 00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:20,617 Careful. 426 00:15:20,684 --> 00:15:22,352 You know what's crazy? 427 00:15:22,420 --> 00:15:24,388 Because of the helmet, we never had sex. 428 00:15:24,455 --> 00:15:28,992 So instead, we just got to know each other, and it was so great. 429 00:15:29,060 --> 00:15:31,694 This helmet wasn't just protecting my head. 430 00:15:31,762 --> 00:15:33,497 It was protecting my heart. 431 00:15:33,564 --> 00:15:35,131 Is that a quote from "Iron Man 2"? 432 00:15:35,198 --> 00:15:37,333 This sooks, though. I really liked him, Al. 433 00:15:37,401 --> 00:15:40,202 So tell him the truth, okay? Honesty is the best policy. 434 00:15:40,270 --> 00:15:42,771 You know what? You're right. I am gonna call Pete. 435 00:15:42,839 --> 00:15:44,206 I'm gonna invite him over, 436 00:15:44,274 --> 00:15:46,108 and I'm gonna answer the door proudly 437 00:15:46,176 --> 00:15:48,744 in my flesh-colored prescription helmet. 438 00:15:48,811 --> 00:15:50,779 Hi. 439 00:15:50,847 --> 00:15:51,946 Thanks for coming. 440 00:15:52,014 --> 00:15:53,781 Thanks for inviting me. 441 00:15:53,849 --> 00:15:55,550 Aw. Oh. 442 00:15:55,617 --> 00:15:56,918 Ooh. 443 00:15:56,985 --> 00:15:59,354 Aah! Oh! 444 00:16:03,325 --> 00:16:04,692 Welcome to my home. 445 00:16:06,195 --> 00:16:08,662 And this comes with the rainbow package, so-- 446 00:16:08,729 --> 00:16:09,763 Aah! 447 00:16:09,830 --> 00:16:11,031 You would not believe! 448 00:16:11,099 --> 00:16:12,499 Zero parking at the country club! 449 00:16:12,567 --> 00:16:14,435 And she was all, "that's not your ottoman!" 450 00:16:14,502 --> 00:16:16,537 And I was all, "dressing on the side, bitch!" 451 00:16:16,604 --> 00:16:19,173 And Dante has a boat. You need to fix this right now. 452 00:16:20,375 --> 00:16:21,875 What? 453 00:16:21,943 --> 00:16:23,943 One second. Just one... 454 00:16:24,010 --> 00:16:25,445 What? 455 00:16:25,512 --> 00:16:27,313 What the hell are you doing? 456 00:16:27,381 --> 00:16:29,882 You want a trophy wife? You got one. 457 00:16:31,118 --> 00:16:33,119 Aah! And I crashed my car! 458 00:16:33,187 --> 00:16:34,720 So I need a new one. I want this one. 459 00:16:34,788 --> 00:16:36,855 But it has to have a special little piggy airbag 460 00:16:36,923 --> 00:16:38,224 for my new BFF... 461 00:16:39,758 --> 00:16:41,159 Carnitas. 462 00:16:43,529 --> 00:16:44,662 What?! 463 00:16:44,730 --> 00:16:45,730 What? 464 00:16:45,798 --> 00:16:47,699 What?! 465 00:16:51,947 --> 00:16:53,347 There he is. 466 00:16:53,414 --> 00:16:56,416 Now remember, let him make the first move, then react. 467 00:16:56,484 --> 00:16:59,353 Fist bumps are a dance, man. A dance! 468 00:16:59,420 --> 00:17:01,688 Hey, Maximils! How's it goin'? 469 00:17:01,757 --> 00:17:03,224 How's it goin', D. Rose? 470 00:17:03,291 --> 00:17:05,226 What's up, almost Mrs. D. Rose? 471 00:17:05,293 --> 00:17:06,627 Ha ha ha. 472 00:17:06,694 --> 00:17:08,661 Good one, Brody. 473 00:17:08,729 --> 00:17:10,163 Ohh! 474 00:17:10,231 --> 00:17:13,633 Your hand's a turkey. 475 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,701 Well, too bad it's Thanksgiving! 476 00:17:15,770 --> 00:17:17,137 Mm! 477 00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:18,738 Thanksgiving, huh? 478 00:17:18,806 --> 00:17:20,907 What's Thanksgiving without the mashed potatoes? 479 00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:31,383 Yeah. 480 00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:32,350 - I'll kill you! - No! 481 00:17:32,418 --> 00:17:33,385 Whoa! 482 00:17:33,452 --> 00:17:35,687 No. Max! Max! 483 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:37,156 Sorry, Brody. 484 00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:40,324 Max is just a little sensitive about handshake stuff because 485 00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:42,359 someone did the whole "down low, too slow" thing to him 486 00:17:42,427 --> 00:17:43,560 when he was a kid. 487 00:17:43,628 --> 00:17:46,931 I had no idea. Sorry, broseph. 488 00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:48,399 No hard feelings, right? 489 00:17:48,466 --> 00:17:50,768 All right. 490 00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:51,903 Squid away. 491 00:17:51,970 --> 00:17:54,906 Squid away. 492 00:17:54,973 --> 00:17:56,840 Oh, yeah. 493 00:17:56,941 --> 00:17:58,741 - I'll kill you! - No! Aah! 494 00:17:58,810 --> 00:18:01,878 Thank you for inviting me over. 495 00:18:01,946 --> 00:18:03,079 It's a lot easier to talk to you 496 00:18:03,147 --> 00:18:04,147 when I'm not trying to rollerblade 497 00:18:04,215 --> 00:18:05,615 or play the jai alai. 498 00:18:05,683 --> 00:18:07,984 I'm glad you're here, too. 499 00:18:09,187 --> 00:18:11,121 Ooh. Okay. 500 00:18:11,189 --> 00:18:13,222 Oh. 501 00:18:18,494 --> 00:18:20,395 Ooh. 502 00:18:20,463 --> 00:18:21,864 Quilted. 503 00:18:21,932 --> 00:18:23,732 Boink, boink. 504 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:26,101 Ooh. Soft, huh? Yeah. 505 00:18:26,169 --> 00:18:28,069 - Okay. - That's nice. Mm-hmm. 506 00:18:28,137 --> 00:18:29,437 - Mmm. Mmm. - Mnh. 507 00:18:29,504 --> 00:18:31,072 - Mmmm. Mm. Ooh. Ooh. - Yeah. 508 00:18:32,274 --> 00:18:33,541 - What? - Ooh! 509 00:18:33,608 --> 00:18:35,743 Ooh! That is the stuff. 510 00:18:35,811 --> 00:18:38,479 Yeah, mama likes that. Mmm. 511 00:18:38,547 --> 00:18:39,547 Okay. Okay. 512 00:18:39,614 --> 00:18:41,482 Um... 513 00:18:41,550 --> 00:18:42,650 I don't know what's going on. 514 00:18:42,718 --> 00:18:44,651 You're acting like a weirdo, 515 00:18:44,719 --> 00:18:47,620 so I'm gonna... I'm gonna go. 516 00:18:47,688 --> 00:18:50,523 Look, it's because I am a weirdo. 517 00:18:50,591 --> 00:18:53,126 I hit my head a lot-- 518 00:18:53,194 --> 00:18:54,995 like a cartoon coyote a lot-- 519 00:18:55,063 --> 00:18:57,430 and that's why I have to wear a helmet for a month. 520 00:18:57,498 --> 00:19:00,699 And I've been covering it up because I... 521 00:19:00,767 --> 00:19:02,568 I really like you. 522 00:19:02,635 --> 00:19:05,637 But... if you wanna go, I understand. 523 00:19:14,248 --> 00:19:16,547 Every queen... 524 00:19:16,615 --> 00:19:18,449 needs her crown. 525 00:19:18,517 --> 00:19:22,587 Aw! 526 00:19:22,654 --> 00:19:23,721 Calm down, was all that was. 527 00:19:23,789 --> 00:19:25,090 Yeah. Calm down. 528 00:19:25,157 --> 00:19:26,758 Yeah. Aw. 529 00:19:26,825 --> 00:19:27,993 What?! 530 00:19:28,060 --> 00:19:30,561 Oh, you know I will, girl! 531 00:19:30,629 --> 00:19:32,729 Girl, I will cut your face off! 532 00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:33,898 But not really. 533 00:19:38,069 --> 00:19:39,770 I cannot believe you would embarrass me like that 534 00:19:39,837 --> 00:19:41,138 in front of my coworkers. 535 00:19:41,206 --> 00:19:42,206 Why not? You did it to me. 536 00:19:42,274 --> 00:19:43,807 Oh, come on. 537 00:19:43,875 --> 00:19:45,042 Like you never talked smack about me 538 00:19:45,110 --> 00:19:46,443 to your i-banking buddies? 539 00:19:46,511 --> 00:19:48,244 No. Never. 540 00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:50,413 'Cause we're a team, and you don't do that to your partner. 541 00:19:52,383 --> 00:19:53,682 We are a team, aren't we? 542 00:19:53,750 --> 00:19:54,918 Yes. 543 00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:56,585 I'm so sorry. 544 00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:58,421 I just-- I wanted to be part of the boys club so bad 545 00:19:58,488 --> 00:20:01,324 that I-I got carried away, and I... 546 00:20:01,392 --> 00:20:02,825 I messed up. 547 00:20:05,661 --> 00:20:06,795 It's okay. 548 00:20:06,862 --> 00:20:09,664 Aw, boo bear. 549 00:20:11,267 --> 00:20:13,035 Brad, you're still here, huh? 550 00:20:13,102 --> 00:20:15,770 Figured you'd be at a, uh, hotel patio bar by now, 551 00:20:15,838 --> 00:20:18,106 boobs-deep in a red velvet Margarita, 552 00:20:18,174 --> 00:20:19,574 talking to your girlfriends about 553 00:20:19,642 --> 00:20:22,176 Cartier friendship bracelets and panty lines. 554 00:20:22,244 --> 00:20:24,278 - Nah, you crossed the line! It's about to-- - No. Okay. 555 00:20:24,346 --> 00:20:26,512 I got this. 556 00:20:26,580 --> 00:20:30,250 I'm done talking smack about my partner. 557 00:20:30,318 --> 00:20:32,718 Okay? And I don't need your stupid boys club. 558 00:20:32,786 --> 00:20:34,321 So if you have a problem with that, 559 00:20:34,388 --> 00:20:36,856 I suggest you take that hood ornament 560 00:20:36,924 --> 00:20:39,392 and do something really painful 561 00:20:39,460 --> 00:20:40,660 with it. 562 00:20:40,727 --> 00:20:43,495 No one ever speaks to the car czar like that. 563 00:20:43,563 --> 00:20:44,496 Ever. 564 00:20:45,932 --> 00:20:48,700 But I like it. 565 00:20:48,768 --> 00:20:49,969 Wait. No, I don't. 566 00:20:50,036 --> 00:20:53,072 Why would I like that? No boss would like that. 567 00:20:53,139 --> 00:20:55,107 But you are my top salesperson, 568 00:20:55,175 --> 00:20:56,976 so, uh, what am I gonna do? 569 00:20:57,043 --> 00:20:59,543 Later, Brad. 570 00:20:59,611 --> 00:21:02,546 So... it worked out. 571 00:21:02,614 --> 00:21:03,614 Yeah. 572 00:21:03,682 --> 00:21:06,284 Well, except, uh, real talk? 573 00:21:06,352 --> 00:21:08,586 This little piggy is gonna be 60 pounds in, like, 3 weeks. 574 00:21:08,653 --> 00:21:09,787 Yeah. 575 00:21:09,855 --> 00:21:10,989 - I bought him in anger. - Mm-hmm. 576 00:21:11,056 --> 00:21:12,323 - Yeah, I was rash. - Yeah. 577 00:21:12,391 --> 00:21:14,157 - I don't know what to do. - I know. 578 00:21:14,225 --> 00:21:15,825 I mean, we could give him away, but here's another wrinkle-- 579 00:21:15,893 --> 00:21:17,660 - I've grown to love him. Mmm! - Ohh! 580 00:21:17,728 --> 00:21:20,197 Mmm! 581 00:21:20,264 --> 00:21:21,764 You love him, I love him. 582 00:21:21,832 --> 00:21:23,166 I can't hear you. 583 00:21:23,234 --> 00:21:25,335 No, I know. It's 'cause... 584 00:21:25,403 --> 00:21:26,803 Sing, baby! 585 00:21:26,871 --> 00:21:28,138 ♪ Ahh ♪ 586 00:21:28,206 --> 00:21:29,706 Sing! 587 00:21:30,805 --> 00:21:36,149 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 40455

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