Original subtitles

Hey, what's the car? Oh, hey. Hey, Jill.

Hey, you think that space heater has got it hot enough in here?

Uh, yeah, it looks fine.

It feels hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock.

Oh, my God.

It is. It's hot.

Turn your goddamn space heater off. All right.

Why do you have it so hot in here? It's like a fucking sauna.

It feels good. I don't know.

You like it hot?

Yeah.

I never understood that about you.

Keep this fucking house. Sometimes I come in and the thermostat's on like 98.

I get killed. I don't know. So what's cracking with you?

Um, I'm grounded for one.

What? Yeah.

Grounded? Yeah. Mom won't let me leave like at all. Not even go to volleyball

practice or school.

Wait a minute. Pump your brakes. What are you talking about?

She grounded me for two weeks.

Fuck. You gotta go to volleyball practice. What about all that shit we've

practicing? I don't know.

Let that cord up out back for you to miss volleyball practice. What, is she

of her fucking mind? I think so.

She's literally not letting me do anything. I have to stay in this room.

We might need to have her checked out. Something's wrong with her.

Who would keep their daughter from volleyball practice? It's fucking

I know, right?

And you learned... Dude.

That spot shot you learned? Man.

Ow. You're about to own some bitches with that.

We worked on it endlessly.

It's ridiculous.

Anyways, so she's been really fucking weird with me, too.

Why? What's going on? I don't know. I think she's cheating.

She's cheating? That's why she's being mean. I think she's self -projecting. I

think she's blocking you in your room and making you miss everything because

she's jealous that you're younger than her.

That actually makes a lot of sense.

She... It's like she has randomly started being rude to me for no reason.

Yeah, exactly, because you're developing. Look at you.

You think so?

You look really hot.

And I think that she resents me because she gets all her money from me. So she

resents me for the money, and she resents you because you're just super

But you didn't do anything.

No, I'm just your stepdad. I'm just a good dude.

Yeah, you've just made her life better.

I know.

It's ridiculous.

You don't deserve that. I'll just send her money and say, have a good time. But

you know what?

I haven't seen her in like two days.

Maybe she is cheating on you.

Did she ground you and leave?

Yeah.

How does she know that you're locked in your room then? You could just leave.

Fuck it.

Oh, the cameras.

The cameras?

Oh, outside. You didn't know about the cameras?

Outside.

You didn't know we had cameras in the house. Look at you.

In the house. I thought they were just outside.

Uh, nothing.

Oh, my God. She's so fucking crazy. She's weird. She's been watching us, you

know? She told me about it the other day. Is there a video camera in my room?

She told me about it the other day.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. What have you been doing in here? What are you worried about?

A boy sneaking in a window?

No.

No?

Yeah, this is the boy sneaking in a window era.

This is when they come in and they lick your butt.

Lick my butt?

No. So maybe I got an idea.

Let's pin her down.

Let's text her and tell her we're all going to church Sunday.

And then how can she argue with that?

Yeah, she has to let me go to church, right?

No, she can't argue with that.

Because then she's always trying to... She told me, she goes, you're going to

hell. I found those dirty magazines under your pillow.

Blah, blah, blah.

You're going to be locked up right next to the devil. Blah, blah, blah. I'm

like, what are you talking about? I'm just looking at girls.

What the fuck are you talking about?

I'm looking at dirty magazines. Every man does that. She told me I'm going to

hell for it.

So she's like, we're going to church.

Blah, blah, blah. Yada, yada, yada, yada.

You like those young girls, blah, blah, all this bullshit. And then she slammed

the fucking door and said, we're going to church Sunday. You better be ready.

never went because, you know, she's probably out blowing some fucking

or something.

Oh, my God.

But anyways.

You really think she's cheating on you like that?

Yeah, I do.

But you know what?

I got my thumb over her. You know why?

Because she gets all her money from me so I can meet up with her whenever I

fucking feel like it.

I can be like, I'm meeting up with you right now. And she's like, okay.

And she'll be there in like two minutes.

Because what are you going to, what's she going to do without money? She's a

money grubbing. Well, why don't you tell her to unground me since you have a

wrapped around your finger?

I could do that.

Yeah. I need you to be in volleyball practice. Like, I don't.

Yeah, how am I going to get a scholarship if I have to play

realize I'll leave work early to come help you with that shit?

She doesn't care.

Apparently not.

Maybe she needs to see Jesus on Sunday.

I think so.

I'm going to text her right now.

Do what?

I'm going to text her and tell her we're going to talk to God on Sunday and

we're going to get her straightened out.

Text her right now and we're going to meet up and talk about ungrounding you.

Now we're going to go see and talk to Jesus, alright?

Sounds good.

So I just sent her a message. I said, we're going to church on Sunday, but

you're in jail since you tell me and Jill that we need to go to church all

time. And I told her I need to meet up with her in an hour at a very specific

spot that I'm not going to share with you.

But yeah, I told her we're going to need to meet up and talk and that we need to

go to church.

So how's she going to say no to church? Think about it.

Unless she's hiding something. Unless she's doing something on Sundays. I

she was in a rush when she left.

So, in an hour... Oh, she responded.

Did she say... Of

course. She said, okay, see you in an hour.

So, just like that, I got that motherfucking...

Diaries of a pimp. You see that?

Oh my god.

Am I old?

Yeah.

Do people not say that kind of stuff anymore? No, that was a total dad joke.

was trying to be cool.

Not cool, huh?

Anyways, yeah, so I'm meeting up with her in an hour to figure out why the

you're sitting in your room doing nothing because it's kind of weird.

It's got some weird sadistic culture to it. Is she like Mormon or some shit?

What the fuck is this?

She's like, go sit in your room and do nothing.

Yeah.

She wanted you to look in the corner, didn't she?

That's what she used to make me do.

That's kind of hot.

Standing in the corner?

Yeah.

I don't like it.

Yeah, well, whatever.

Yeah, but you really are filling out and developing.

Do you think so?

Yeah, I'm a little concerned about it. I don't know how I'm going to live under

this roof with you like this. This is not going to be...

It's an easy task.

Why?

You look really good, and I'll be perfectly honest with you, I'm getting a

Really? Mm -hmm.

Why don't you come over here?

No, I'm not coming over here. I was just joking.

You're just having teenage hormones.

She's cheating on you anyway.

You're having teenage hormones.

Calm down. I'm going to go talk to her. I'm going to get you out of trouble.

I'm going to give her some money so I keep my pimp hands strong.

You know what I mean?

I didn't think so.

All right, well, I guess. I don't know.

What about the cameras?

All right, there's a camera in the room. I'm not going to lie. I'm going to

unplug it. Where?

I'm going to unplug it.

That way she doesn't see us.

No, don't unplug it. I want her to see us. I'm going to unplug it. I'll just

cover it up. You want her to see it?

She probably won't look at it right away anyways.

And even if she does, it's kind of hot. Who cares?

Who cares?

Fuck her.

She's been a bitch. She's cheating on me. She's such a bitch. She's cheating

me and she's locking you in your room during volleyball practice. Think about

that. For real. Think about it for a second. You are literally missing an

extracurricular activity that you practice to get into college because

at you. She's jealous of me. She's got you locked up like some crazy ass sadist

bullshit. Dude, what the fuck is wrong with her? I know.

Anyways.

So.

I guess I'll get going.

Oh, come here.

Well, I'll sit down and talk to you a little bit more, but I'm not going to do

anything. But, no, I've been feeling really sad lately.

Sad? Mm -hmm. I feel like she's going to, like, leave me and I'm going to lose

everything. Why do you feel like that?

Why do you think?

That's all the shit we just talked about.

You look a little boring. What's wrong with you?

I don't know.

Huh? Nothing.

What do you want?

He thought I was developing.

You are developing. I don't know, I'm just excited.

Goodness.

May I feel the texture of your skirt?

Is that okay for the skirt?

Yeah.

You're still bad.

I'm sure you still do.

What the hell are you doing with my panties?

What the hell?

You're out of control.

It's like he knew I was coming in here.

Do you like him?

I do.

What to do here?

You got me in a real situation.

So, you're telling me that... Telling you what?

You're blowing me.

If I tell your mother to let you out of this fucking room, you'll give me a

blowjob. That's what you're saying?

Well, say it. That way I'm not gonna get blackmailed with this fucking camera.

Oh, my God.

If you tell my mom and convince her to let me out of this room, I'll give you a

blowjob. You sure?

Yes. All right.

Well, let's make this quick, huh?

Get comfortable, though. I'm not gonna just, like, hang off the edge of the

That's not comfortable. Oh, my God.

That's not comfortable, hanging off the edge of the bed.

Are you sure about this?

I'm sure.

You're running for the kill fast there.

What do you think about it? Are you surprised? What's going on in your head

right now?

I'm excited.

I'm thinking about how pissed off my stupid mom would be if she walked in.

Just like when I picked a pisser up.

Mm -hmm.

Do you

like

that, Daddy?

Do you like it?

Mm -hmm.

I want you to have it right there.

It's my first time actually

Hmm.

What do you think of this?

Thank you.

How was that?

Good.

You got a belly full?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Don't tell mom.

I'm not going to tell mom. She's fucking out of her mind.

You know what I'm going to do?

Get me ungrounded?

Yep. I'm going to get you out of this fucking room and I'm going to go get her

some money so I can keep her under my thumb. Thank you.

Yeah, there's no need for you to sit in here. This is fucking ridiculous.

There's nothing to do in here. I agree.

Here.

Go tell her.

Suddenly reality sunk in. You're like, I don't know if I like this or not.

What?

Go tell her to unground me.

Reality sunk in.

What? You want me out of here.

I want to be out of here. Me.

I need to get out of here.

I'll hear you. I'll hear you. All right. I'll go talk to her, okay?

Okay. All right. Thank you. That never happened.

You're the best, Dad.

It never happened.

I'm already thinking about it. It's fucking with me.

All right. I'll go talk to her.

Hey, what's up, Jill?

Hey,

I wanted to talk to you about something.

Sure. What's up?

Just what?

Remember what we were talking about the other day? Yeah.

About how I thought, you know, you know, he was cheating on me?

Yeah. Well, I guess he got a private investigator and found out that she was

cheating on me.

Oh, my God. Are you serious?

Yeah, she's been cheating on me. And he said he thinks it's been going on for a

long time.

I'm so sorry.

Now I'm crushed.

I'm going to go out with my friends tonight, and we're going to drink

to death.

No, I don't think you should do that. That's not a good idea.

I think it's the smartest thing I could possibly do.

No. Oh, yes.

I could have some Advil. They hydrate. We'll be fine. We're pros. You know

We're just going to go out. We're going to have a good time.

We're going to drink our problems away tonight. My boys got my bag. They

told me. I don't think that's a good idea.

They're worried about me.

They don't want me sitting up all night crying, listening to country music,

getting drunk.

Well, I think you should stay in. You don't want to get drunk by yourself, you

know? Yeah. It's just not healthy.

You gotta get drunk with a group of people.

But don't get drunk while you're this upset.

Well... You need to stay in and just relax.

How about all that? Is there anything... What is that? Is that a hint?

What? You know what happened, right?

What? I told her I said I'd pay for everything, and...

There's no prenup. And I told her that, like, she can get the fuck out of here.

So she's going for the night. So I don't have to worry about her crazy ass.

That's good.

It is.

That's good for me, too.

Why is it good?

She's a bitch.

Why get a divorce?

Bitch's been cheating on me. Guess how old he is.

How old? 20 fucking years old. She's been fucking a 20 -year -old.

Can you believe this?

Well, I know how to... It's kind of ironic.

I'm like two years off.

Lord.

I don't know what to do. I'm depressed.

I know what to do.

You do?

Yeah.

Do you want to go to the concert?

No. Do you want to go to the football game?

No. You want to go get... I mean, you can't drink. You're not old enough.

You want to go hang out with all my friends?

No? No.

One of them's cute. You might like them.

I don't care.

Cute boys, aren't they? Isn't that all that matters?

I think you should come here.

What are you doing? Fuck me.

What? Are you sure?

Yeah, right here. Fuck you. Let's do it. Fuck that bitch.

She fucking disrespected the fuck out of me, didn't she?

Yeah. Fuck her.

Fuck her.

Oh, and by the way, you didn't thank me.

You didn't thank me.

I got you out of that goddamn room.

Well, this is your thank you.

I guess this will suffice.

Maybe this will work. I don't know. We'll see. So you're sure about this?

Yeah. Huh?

Yeah, I want you to fuck me, daddy.

I hope it's on camera.

Fucking crazy bitch.

Sure you're cool with this? Mm -hmm.

It feels so good.

to get back to cooking dinner?

Tell me a little bit more about what you did.

Huh? Sure.

Go ahead and cook dinner like that. I want to see. Okay. Mom's like, I don't

have kids or shit.

Oh, well, yeah.

Who cares? Interesting point, right?

Yeah, give me help. Yeah, I know you're not trying to throw one.

It's good.

It's good? Thank you.

It's been going well for you?

Yeah. Did you get promoted or anything like that?

No.

Well, I've got to talk to you about something.

I've got to talk to you about something that's kind of important.

Why?

Well, your mother's moving out.

Yes, that's awesome.

I thought you were going to be a fit.

Why? Why are you getting all prepared?

Well... You have to decide whether you want to live with me or live with her.

Isn't it obvious? I want to live with you.

You want to live with your stepfather or your own mother?

Of course.

You treat me way better than her. Fuck her.

Jesus. I thought you were going to say her.

No, I want to be around her.

You know it's going to be easy for me to be able to get you to live here, right?

Um, the fact that she's such a whore and she fucks all these guys.

Yeah, she got caught cheating.

I avoided the marriage, basically, and she shows that she's not responsible

enough to take care of the family, so... So you've already thought about this,

and you want me to stay, too?

And I'm a lawyer, there's that.

So, yeah.

Yeah,

you can stay. I don't give a shit. Let's call her on speakerphone and tell her

together. Yeah.

That you're staying here.

She's going to try to fight it. You know that, right?

Oh, well.

You want to call her?

What does she have? She can't do anything.

Call her.

No, fuck that. I'm not calling her. Whatever. She'll find out soon enough.

But I guess, you know, what do you got going on today?

Oh, nothing. I was just coming home to relax.

But now that we have the whole place to do ourselves, we could do whatever we

want. Remember when we had the rush the other day?

Yeah. I have a feeling we wouldn't have to do that right now.

I have a feeling, too.

That we wouldn't have to rush?

No. She's not coming near this house. I know she's not.

Perfect. Because I told her I was having a talk with you. She thought you were

going to be upset about it.

She thought you were going to be upset.

Okay.

Hi.

This is wonderful.

You're going to end up being my new... My stepdaughter is going to end up being

my new wife.

I don't know why she would cheat on you. She's so fucking stupid.

I was hanging out with this boy from my school and he was so

stupid.

He didn't know how to do anything.

I'm recording, anyway.

Uh -huh.

I don't want to fuck my daddy.

Yeah.

I'm a boy.

Yeah. Yeah.

Another trick.

Another trick up your sleeve.

We're excited to live with you. It's funny. You can actually just watch a

with a comb all over your face because you don't have to worry about your mom

coming home.

Sounds good.

I'm going to go get in the shower.

I'm fucking with you.

You look really pretty like that.

I think I'm going to keep up.

All right. Later.

Have fun.

You too.

I still thought it was my new watch. This is awesome.