All language subtitles for Outnumbered s05e06 Spartacus the Musical

Sophie, find me the number for Eon
Power.

Do you want me to search Facebook for
Eon Power?

Search Eon.

Do you want me to search for Sea Urchin?

Sea Urchin?

You've only had that phone for five
minutes and already you're in a

dysfunctional relationship.

This phone is deaf.

Probably scared of you, cos it found out
you smashed your last one by jumping up

and down on it. Why did they let you
have another one after that?

That lied to them.

Not a lie, exactly. Just a white lie.

It was carried off by a raven.

OK, I panicked. I was aiming for
something where they think no -one could

made that up.

Hang on.

I was sitting there.

Yeah, well, I'm sitting here now, so
tough.

Oh!

Dad, can I use the computer to do my
cyberbullying homework?

What's a good old -fashioned bullying?

It's a lost art.

There's nobody on their head stuffed
down the toilet anymore.

All they do is actually, they get a
picture of someone with their head down

toilet, and they Photoshop your face,
they animate it, and then they upload it

to YouTube.

Hey, mind my teeth. You're going to
knock over your zimoprane.

The biggest muscles you have got are in
your hair.

The old silverback is ejected from the
family group.

I'll take you on next.

I could snap you in half like a twig.

Don't stop the mindless violence for me.

How's Grandad?

Oh, he's still very poorly, darling.

Did he recognise you?

Well, yeah.

But as someone who worked in a bar in
Korea.

Obviously, they were very close.

And this is still in danger.

Could still go either way, little.

I'll put the kettle on.

Thanks.

I was right to ring Angela, wasn't I?

You had to.

And we've got to have that big talk with
her anyway.

Oh, I'm looking forward to that.

Oh, God, Auntie Angela's coming.

I wonder what strange bloke she'll have
in tow this time.

Yeah, the psychotic psychiatrist.

The secretly gay Mexican lumberjack and
the delusional stone -balancing

accountant.

Oh, and there was that one who was
really weird.

She's got religion now.

I thought she did religion.

You know, in between being a Maoist and
a fruitarian. Yeah, but that was just

Buddhism. That doesn't count. She just
chanted and shot in monsoon.

Where's Ben?

Spartacus, the musical.

It's the dress rehearsal tonight.

He's been practising non -stop.

I just hope he hasn't wrecked his voice.

How? He sounds like a sea lion stuck
down a mine shaft.

Hi, Sue.

I'm sorry to hear about your dad.

Stacey, hello.

Yeah.

Stacey's come back for a couple of days
before she flies to Greece.

How lovely.

At least there's some good news.

So you chose Greece?

Yep. There's got to be some bargains
there since the economy tanked. Make an

offer on the Acropolis.

There's a hill with a temple on it.

In Athens.

Which is in Greece.

Oh, cool. Right, I'm just going to go
deflate.

Have you never heard of a hotel?

There's quite a lot of things you've
never heard of.

My favourites are the Vietnam War,
typewriters and Norway.

I'm sorry, Sue. She's my goddaughter. I
couldn't turn her away.

Yeah, and Ben will slip back into his
testosterone coma.

I'll get that tea. Oh, you made it
already?

Karen's been really nice to me.

Well, to everyone.

I think maybe the pennies dropped since
she had that talk with the headmistress.

And I don't see respect.

How long has it been since you've had
one of those?

Father Christmas?

Actually, didn't she call him Fatso in a
red dress when she got the wrong bear?

Yeah. It'd be a shame if she lost her
essential Karen -ness.

I know I shouldn't say this, but I think
we may have finally got to a point

where they're all, you know, OK.

Yeah.

You OK?

I'm all right.

I held Dad's hand and had a bit of a
blob.

Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's best if he
doesn't pull through.

I wouldn't want for him to get, like,
some of that lot in the home.

Oh, God.

One day it'll be our kids having a
conversation like this about us.

They'd have packed us off to that place
in Switzerland long before that.

I've got my place back on the sofa,
sucker!

Jake? You got a text from Alex.

OK, don't look at it!

I think you're so funny.

Karen, why are you in bed?

Because I'm in the kitchen.

I think her Karen -ness is still intact.

Ben,

the front door is not your enemy.

How was the dress?

Terrible.

Well, that's probably... I've just let
Auntie Angela in, and a man, and I'm

going straight to bed.

Angela!

Hi. You're here. I landed three hours
ago and rushed straight to the care

which I had just come from, and where
Dad did fine.

Fine?

He's seriously ill.

He was watching the boxing.

He's watching the boxing? Are you sure?
Well, the boxing was on the television

and he was watching it.

Well, that's great.

Yes, it is great.

Though from your phone call, I wasn't
sure I'd even get here in time.

Still, that's a relief, isn't it?

Well, I was at the care home three or
four hours ago, and honestly, he was

seriously ill.

Could go either way, they said.

You've got a suitcase, is that it? I
rushed straight here, Pete.

I left halfway through an exorcism.

I didn't have time to book a hotel.

Hi. Hi.

Hi.

Hello,

Aunty Angela. How are you?

I'm fine.

Thank you, Karen.

This is Tommy.

Tommy? He came over to support me.
Because I expected a situation serious

to need support.

You've got a really cool home.

Thank you. I have a hamster called
Tommy, but he's stuck under the

and Dad won't take him up.

Karen? It's two and a half months since
you did a runner.

What would he have lived off since then?
The hamster food that I pushed through

the floorboards.

Well, that would explain the smell.

I thought that was Tommy.

Yeah.

No, not you.

Sorry, I didn't mean you. Look, I have
come 7 ,000 miles.

Perhaps we could stop disgusting
hamsters.

Right, so the antibiotics they've given
him have kicked in and he's taken a

sudden turn for the better.

Well, I know.

Because I've just come from there.

As I just informed you.

Well, here we are again.

Anyone like a cup of tea?

Auntie Angela?

You're offering me tea? Yes.

Thank you.

Biscuits?

Yes.

Okay.

What was all that about?

Sorry? She's being nice to me. It's
unnerving.

It's a phase she's going through.

It's a good phase. She's a great kid.

And your dad, Sue, must have been a
great guy.

He still is.

I don't know why he's in that hideous
home.

All those old people being old. With
their old, poor smell and...

Don't you think he knew who you were,
did he?

No, actually he did. Really?

He held my hand.

He'll hold anybody's hand.

Cleaners have complained.

He smiled and whispered, Ange.

Here we are.

Nice cup of tea.

Thank you.

Sure he said Ange.

Sure he didn't say... It was Ange.

Because he makes the... noise quite a
lot.

He said Ange, didn't he?

Yeah. Yeah, he did say...

What's she said?

Recognises me as well.

Totally. Did he say your name? Says my
name all the time. So he recognises

everyone. That's just splendid.

But there is something else that we do
need to talk about.

Hiya.

Um, this is my goddaughter, Stacey. This
is Angela and Tommy.

Stacey's staying with us until she heads
off to Greece.

Very soon.

Travelling the world, eh? Yeah.

Oh, God, Sue, do you remember just
before you went to uni and I took you

the Greek islands and we lived on
Retsina and slept on the beach under the

stars? Well, I slept on the beach under
the stars.

You slept in a taverna with that Greek
waiter you'd met.

Oh, Hercules!

The one who had the brother who liked
you?

Yeah.

The obese 50 -year -old one -legged
epileptic brother chasing you all over

island.

Well, he tried to.

Sisters, eh?

You can't beat them. No, but you can
kick them.

Probably we should just all head up to
bed.

OK, just for tonight, Stacey, you'll
have to go in with Karen. OK.

Jake can go in with Ben, and Angela and
Tommy, you can go in Jake's room.

Assuming, that is, you'd like to share a
room.

Why wouldn't we?

Well, I don't know the nature of your
relationship.

Is this to do with our difference in
age?

No, not at all. So I shall put you in
the same room.

Tommy's born again like me.

We met at Sunday school.

Was he still at Sunday school? Probably
an adult at Sunday school.

Yeah.

We'll head up to your upstairs, which
I'm sure is as great as your downstairs.

Well, that could have gone worse.

She doesn't appear to be wanted by
Interpol.

There hasn't been any physical violence
yet.

Do you think she came over purely to
show off her step for Toyboy?

I don't know.

So, how long do you think this
relationship will last? I do not

question. Hang on, I haven't got the
hang of this yet.

I can hear a hamstery noise in the wall.

There's no such thing as a hamstery
noise.

You should check it out. Thank you.
We'll just rip out the filly kitchen,

I, in the search for...

Dead, domesticated vermin. You shouldn't
talk to her like that.

It's OK, it's what he does.

Look, Karen, I'm sorry, but he's gone.

Hiya! Hi.

How was your dad this morning?

Yeah, yeah, a lot better. Sitting up,
eating.

As you mentioned to the staff about the
Britain's Got Talent thing. Britain's

Got Talent? Why he confuses Amanda
Holden with Ava Braun, I've absolutely

idea, but it is safer to keep him out of
the TV room on a Saturday night.

Is everyone else?

We're still asleep.

Teenagers, eh?

I wasn't including Tommy in that, by the
way. Just Ben, Jake and Stacey.

Tommy's obviously not even close to
being a teenage.

You can't help yourself, can you?

For the sake of your dad, it

is very important that you don't get
into a confrontation. You were worse

me last time. The time before?

Oh, not that.

Honestly, you kick your sister up the
arse at a wedding once and no one lets

forget it.

What?

Oh, I thought I heard scratching above
the oven. That's all to his suggestion.

He's not there.

Hello, Star.

I'm not playing Spartacus tonight.

What? The dresser hassle was awful.

Well, it can't have been that bad. I
walked across the sea, I poked the

in the eye with the trident, and I fell
off the cross.

I'm not doing it.

Ben?

Ben.

And look, it is perfectly natural to be
nervous before a big show like this. But

you know what they say, once you've
fallen off the horse, you have to get

straight back on.

How do you know I fell off a horse? You
fell off a horse?

Yeah, Zach and Ibrahim, they were having
a fight inside the costume.

Well, look, anyway... The dresser has to
go then.

Yeah, great.

Fantastic. You're going to be fab.

Right, I need to go and Google Greece
some more. Did you know they invented

civilisation?

Heads off to the creeks, eh?

Listen, you are the lead. I'm not doing
it.

In my phone. No.

Angela, listen.

There is a serious problem with Dad and
the home.

All his savings have run out. All of
them?

Hey, guys.

And as we're quite stretched, what we'd
like to suggest is that we go half and

half.

Oh.

Now I see.

That's why you tricked me into coming
over.

No, we didn't.

Surely, if his money's run out, the
government will pay. They've got to do

Well, possibly, but then we'd have to
move him out of the place he's been in

into a cheaper home, and that would...
Look, I care about him such a few.

But what difference does it make where
he lives if he doesn't know who anybody

is? Well, he does, because he called you
Ange.

Yeah. See, that's not very helpful at
the moment. The point is... I don't know

why you put him in there in the first
place.

It's depressing.

Full of all those...

Old people. It's an old people's home.
You can't have an old people's home

without old people. It's creepy.

It was kind of creepy.

Look, the point is... Pete, I think
we're just going to have to trap it in

mercy of the Lord on this one.

I don't think the home will accept that
as collateral.

You know what's great? Is that you guys
are all talking.

Now she's gone out.

No, that was Ben. He's having a
meltdown.

He's gone for a walk.

He's probably exaggerating. He couldn't
have been that bad.

No, he was. I've been on Facebook.

But people like these little mistakes in
a school production.

Mum, when the Romans asked which one of
you is Spartacus, all the other

gladiators just pointed at him.

Can you change the channel, please? The
guy with the vegetable nose is freaking

me out.

That's Bob the Builder. And Spud's
supposed to have a carrot nose because

scarecrow. Bob.

I don't know why they even show people
with vegetable noses on TV. I know this

is not natural. Can you change the
channel, please?

Bob.

Angela,

I know you're hiding in there. I have
very little, Sue.

I'm like a gypsy just wandering from
place to place.

But you've got all this stuff.

A big house. A big second mortgage.

Come on, Angela.

Tifty -fifty.

You know you were always his favourite.

Look, Sue.

Ah!

Oh, Jesus, Sue.

There's a rat in your bathroom. He came
up with a hole behind the toilet.

He sure wasn't a hamster.

Well, he didn't have his bloody wheel.

I've got my keys.

You OK?

Thanks.

I have heard you rehearse all the songs,
and you are really good.

Mr Wilson, four doors down.

You said you have a very distinctive
voice.

I know all the lines, and it's just when
I try and say them, my brain stops.

Like a frozen laptop.

And I can't just turn myself off and on
again.

Everyone I know is going to be there.

You, Stacey.

Google magazine's going to write a
review on it.

You mustn't worry about the critic.

Every interview you read with an actor
before a brilliant performance, they're

always worried that they're going to get
crucified.

Well, I am going to get crucified.

If I don't fall to the cross again.

I'm not going to do this.

Well, that's a big decision. And it's
your decision.

But you need to tell Mr Farthingwell.

Can you ring him for me?

No.

You have to ring him.

You all right, Auntie?

I've got to get out of this rat
-infested house.

Your mum and dad keep having a go at me.

I think they're right about Grandad and
the money for the home.

Oh, Jake, you're turning into them.

God, you really do need to get away.

Travel the world.

Work as a cowboy.

Swim the Bosphorus.

Have your heart broken by a nitro
-resistant.

Yeah, but...

Does all sound quite dangerous.

Where are you going on your gap year?

Um, well, I'm not.

Is this them stopping you? No, only
because Mum thought I shouldn't.

I'm sorry,

I just can't.

She's just going to keep running away.

What in God's name are we going to do
now?

You are a menace with that thing. I've
got to let Jake go on a gap year.

What? Why are we suddenly talking about
this?

Let him live.

I never said that you'd stop me going.
Travel is the best degree you can get.

Well, to employers, it's the equivalent
of sociology at Bolton. Oh, your world

is so tiny.

Everyone should have a gap year. Your
whole life is a gap year.

You see, Jake, you've got to escape
these mediocrities.

They're not mediocre.

They're... ordinary.

Thank you.

I think.

I spoke to Mr. Filingwell.

Yeah? I said I'd do it as long as I
don't have to be watched by the

Oh, that is brilliant. Well done, Ben.
You will be brilliant tonight.

I've been sick.

Oh, that's perfectly normal. Loads of
performers do that before a show.

In the fireplace.

All right, well, don't worry. I'll clear
that up.

Out of the bottom of the stairs.

OK, that's fine.

Look, we have to sort out about her.

I simply don't have the money.

You do have the money. You blew it up
class.

Jake found the ticket stops.

We were upgraded from the premium
economy.

And now we have to be on our way.
Angela, you can't keep running away. You

a responsibility to your family.

Why? Why do we have responsibilities to
our families?

Because they're... there.

Families are just like strangers you get
fucking a lift with.

Dad, it might be Tommy.

Scratchy. Hey, guys.

We need to pack. We're going to the
airport.

Oh, you know what, Angie?

I might stay in Europe. Do a bit of
traveling.

Traveling? Yeah.

You cool with that?

Well, yes.

Obviously. Travel is the best degree you
can get.

That's so true.

Where were you thinking of going
traveling?

Oh, around Greece, maybe.

Same day.

Yeah, yeah, I'm just going to take a
look around Europe. You know, see the

Parthenon, the pyramids. The pyramids
aren't in Europe.

They're in Africa.

Oh, Stacey said they were.

You sure you're cool with this?

Absolutely.

Very cool indeed.

Totally chilled.

Perhaps we could discount this upstairs
while I pack.

I'm good here.

Well, I'll be.

Call me.

It is, right?

Tell me. Yeah?

It really doesn't matter.

Angela, you can't just... It's not fair
you ambushing me like this. It's not

fair Dad's in a home. It's not fair he
doesn't know who I am. It's not fair he

stopped being him. What is fair about
any of it?

Do you want me to look up Pharaoh
Boatwitch? Could you stop leaning on

effing button?

Listen, I am not wired for all these
petty practicalities. If he's ill again,

don't call me. It doesn't help him. Just
let me know when it's... when it's all

over.

Tommy, I could always take you to see
the paralytic.

Yeah, thanks, but I kind of need to do
some stuff on my own.

Yes, of course.

No problem.

Get him. No.

We caught Tommy.

We can do nothing about my dad.

But we do have a hamster.

Way to go, team.

Have you caught him?

Oh, you've caught him!

Oh, hi!

Oh, thank you so much, Dad.

Oh, thanks, Jake.

OK.

Oh, so are you feeling left out? Do you
want a hug?

No, you don't, do you?

Front row?

Yeah.

Otherwise we won't be able to see
anything when they all start holding

bloody phones up in the air.

Sorry about earlier, by the way.

Stacey's Australian.

She's used to swearing.

And the threat you made wasn't really a
threat.

Because you posed it as a question.

A rhetorical question, in fact, because
she wouldn't have wanted you to do what

you said.

Just a lot of them. Do you know what?
I'm just going to sit here and I'm going

to enjoy watching my son... Um... What?

Well, where are these things chickened
out again?

Oh, but he spoke to Mr Farthingwell.

Apparently, some kid's going to play
Spartacus holding a script.

Oh, God, no.

Where's Karen?

Oh, there you are.

I'm scared.

But you like being scared.

You're the boy who eats cheese just
before bed to give himself nightmares.

Yeah, but those nightmares are in my
head, not in front of 300 people and a

Mary. Is she the one with the bling?

Yeah. Well, you can't without.

You know I just keep bringing it up in
arguments. You're making it too easy for

me.

Well, Spartacus, I think you should do
it.

Why? Because you'll be good.

Have you ever said anything nice to me
before?

No, I don't think I have.

Better try and find Ben.

What next? A plague of locusts?

Frogs? Raining?

What's this?

Auntie Angela said to give it to you.

Once she was airborne.

It's a check.

Bloody hell.

God, that's going to keep Dad going for
ages.

I had a word with her. I've set her
straight. Why's she done this? Well,

paying this off so she doesn't have to
see him again and be reminded that she's

next in line.

Did she say that?

No, but I am doing A -level psychology.

Ladies and gentlemen, I just need to
make an announcement about a late

This is it.

The sea battle now involves strobe
lighting, so...

Please be aware if you're prone to the
fifth.

Also, anyone with a fear of crocodiles
should probably miss the start of part

two. Enjoy the show.

Who

will

pay to see me fight?

I told him Stacey would be horribly
disappointed if he didn't go on.

She's not coming now.

He doesn't know that.

Sorry. Well, that's the answer to our
problems.

Just let the kids sort everything out.

What about now, Lavinia? Will you kiss
me now?

No, I'm not a liar.

We'll beat you like Hannibal. Your
legions are tired and your warships are

ramable. We're not for hire and we're
just not bannable. Our hearts are on

and your houses are flammable.

No, I'm Spartacus. Wait, sorry.