Original subtitles

Welcome to Cooking with Nate. To a fucking fun day.

Today I have two degenerates with me.

They're completely out of control.

This is them sober. We're crazy.

This will probably be more like a therapy session because they obviously,

two have a lot of problems. How many people are watching on Grud and Paige

now? Zero to one.

I have a few. One person. Cool. Yeah, we're going live.

Look at you go, Greta.

People are proud of me. My therapist says my mother loves me. People are

disappointed. Was it a choice today for you to dress like a schoolgirl who

joined a street gang?

No, bro, we're going to a Blink -182 show.

Yeah. Actually, no.

Nathan is going to take me to fucking light myself on fire.

And I was like, what? You know, if you ever want to, we can totally do that.

Cool. She wouldn't put herself out, though. She'd just keep going because

wants to die.

I would be like that dog you just talked about.

It's like, no, come into it. Like, you're trying to put it out and she just

keeps running. You're like, don't run. You can't get me, gay dogs.

He's like, stop, drop, and roll.

Ah, what?

He's just rolling gasoline.

Somebody throws vodka on me, and I'm like, free lap.

So it doesn't count if you accidentally relapse, right?

No, it's a joke, but what we say is free lap. Because you didn't do it on

purpose. For example, I have a friend who just had a free lap.

His son, long story short, his son left a bag that was not labeled of gummy

worms, but they were THC gummy worms. Oh, that's terrible.

He had 16 years clean and sober, so he hasn't had anything in his system for 16

years. He ate a couple handfuls of them. I would die.

He was fucked up for like 35 hours.

Dude, question. What did he say? Did he say it was great?

He said it was terrible.

There's no way that would have been good. No, he said it was terrible, and

he blacked out for almost 24 hours, and then he woke up. Why do they make

edibles delicious? He woke up. He withdrew a bunch of money, bought a

hookers. His phone was all broken.

Wait, this is a true story.

Yeah, he had hubcaps on two of his wheels, or missing hubcaps on two of his

wheels. He had a donut on one of the wheels.

Wait, were you one of the hookers he called?

No, unfortunately.

What, were you mad about him?

A little bit. I was like, if you're paying, how are you going to do this

for free? Right. God damn, how much did you pay them? Wait, so Gummy Bear fucked

him up enough that... Gummy Worm. Yeah, Gummy Bear. That's crazy, because I've

never smoked weed and was like, hookers.

Yeah, I've... Yeah.

I'm trying to, like, hide in my bed. Yeah, I'm like, I'm going to be in my

and if anybody wants to come cuddle with me... I hated it. Right.

No, I hated it, too. I hated weed. It made me so paranoid. I would always be

like... And then I'd be high and then I'm like, when is this going to end? I'd

be like wondering when I'm not going to be high anymore.

What a miserable high.

Let me tell you what, a high is not like that.

Good old meth.

Meth is a party.

Meth is a party. 90 % of the time, it's a good time every time. You ever seen

the movie Old School where it was like, we're going streaking. Running from the

quad to the gymnasium. That was me like.

So how does one start? I always assume, like, you think you're doing cocaine and

then you accidentally do meth. I did, actually. That's how it happened.

I bought... And it's so much cheaper?

Yeah, I got free meth.

I think it's such an annoying expensive drug for how shitty the high is. It

really is, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it was an accident.

Yeah. Yeah, you took meth. I like an accident for hours. Yeah, yeah.

If I put drugs in my body, I knew what drugs they were. Let's go hard.

Well, after I had the cocaine that was cut with meth and I was like, whoa, I

love this shit. I contacted the dealer and I was like, dude, where is this

And he's like, oh, shit.

He's like, I gave you the wrong baggie. Yeah, he's like, you're still high? I'm

like, fuck yeah. And he goes, oh, yeah, that one's cut with meth. And I was

like, oh, well, can I get some more?

And then, yeah, it just turned into like a shit show. Kind of like your entire

life. Yeah. This podcast is going downhill real quickly.

Yeah, exactly.

Well, you started off with a kitty cat mug like a serial killer wearing a pink

fucking suit. I don't think a serial killer would be this... Look at these

shoes.

I look good. Why are you so jealous? Who the hell paid for you to wear this

outfit? Just because you look like you flunked out of private school and tried

to join a street gang, you're both...

Your birthday, what are you, like 40 now?

40?

Yeah. I'm 33. Thank you very much.

Oh, it must have been a bad one.

How old are your boobs?

How old are they?

I think I got them redone in 2017.

November 2017.

He was waiting for me to say how old they were. They're 25 years old. Oh,

God. They look like a 40 -year -old boob, I would say.

40 -year -old? I need to hear that real fast.

Hey,

listen up, Greta. How old are you?

Greta, how old are you?

Greta's ignoring us. Greta's not ignoring us.

You always call me an old lesbian.

Because you are.

And yet you're kind of defined as a lesbian. Can I take my shoes off? Can I

these? Yeah. Sure, I guess.

Why do they smell like gasoline?

I'm already practicing. Oh, they're wet.

Why are they wet?

Why are they pretty? Because she's really into this whole thing.

Oh, yes.

Why does your pubic hair look like a toupee?

No, it looks like a Greek statue where they're all the hair was like perfectly

curly like Yeah, like too curly Did you give it a perm?

No, it's just curly.

Can you believe he said my bush looks like a toupee?

Doesn't my bush look like a toupee? We gotta get it closer. We can let the

audience. Do you know what a bush toupee is called?

What? A merkin.

Is it? Wait a second. People actually wear... Yeah, so I'll tell you the

behind it. Really?

Why do you know the history behind this? I'm pretty smart, obviously.

That's why I host the podcast.

Not smart.

Back in the day when crabs and venereal disease was much more rampant,

the prostitutes in the red light district would wear... They'd shave off

pubic hair to get rid of pubic light, and they'd wear merkins.

People thought that they had pubic hair. And it also helped, you know, hide some

of the... And they just passed around diseases.

Got it. Yeah. This is the 1700s. It was pretty common. I mean, this is also when

men were wearing, like, giant wigs. So I don't think, like, a woman wearing a

pussy wig was that crazy of a thing. Yeah, it's not... Don't have a merkin

okay? You're just jealous.

Woman pattern baldness, which is, like...

It bulbs in certain ways. You get hair down the sides, but not on the top.

You know what's funny? If I shampoo and condition it, it's not as curly.

It'll kind of be more straight.

Have you ever straightened it?

No, but I really want to.

You have to mess it up.

I'm afraid that I've burned my hair off, though.

His hair is straight. You have to go like that to rough it up a little.

Sorry. He's very good at eating pussy.

Is he? Yeah.

You want to know.

Maybe I can learn. What is it that he does?

Is he tongue punching?

Is that a good one?

Yeah, we need to learn. So he's sucking, but he's moving his tongue very, very

fastly while he's sucking.

But I've noticed he hasn't insulted you at all. And I feel like you get off on

that. On insulting?

Yeah. On being degraded. I mean, he's...

He's eating pussy right now, but I'm sure maybe once his mouth's free he'll

insult me.

Technically, my early one's an insult, but that was actually, like, a just cool

fact. This is terrible.

Are you having trouble, like, are you almost getting sucked in? Because I know

it's kind of like... Some guys have fallen in there.

Much like a black hole, it has its own gravitation. You know that movie Alien

vs. Predator? They named it after my badge because it's a... They're both

of there just battling?

Yes, they are.

I don't know if you can hear them right now. Is your asshole predator and your

pussy alien?

I can't. What's the noise they make? It's like a weird like... That one?

Yeah, do that on her pussy. She probably... I know what the lady's like.

came. I don't know about you guys. Yeah.

What are some other noises you can make in there?

Could you do a dolphin?

What? Dolphin? Yeah.

That's a horse. Can you play her like a bagpipe?

He's mowing his tongue while he's doing that. Why is there such an echo?

It's literally like you're yelling into the game. It's an endless hole. It's

like, la la la.

Has anybody ever driven their car off of your vagina into it like a ravine? No,

actually. But I always make a joke, but I swear I think I could really do it,

but I always joke about my asshole because I can literally take anything in

ass.

Really? If I'm prepped for it, so don't give me ideas.

I was like, yeah.

But I always joke around and I'm like, I think I could take like a semi like,

coming in. Like, that's my house.

Into your asshole. Yeah.

How did you discover your tummy? I'm trying to do a double, right? Yeah.

What? You're trying to do a double soon, right?

Yeah. A double anal, yes. You're prepping for double anal? Yes.

I'm working on it. How does one prepare mentally?

As an actress who takes your crap really seriously.

You know, some people go to, like, boot camp, you know, to train for a part

where they're playing an army person. You are playing somebody who can take

dicks in their ass.

How do you get in that headspace?

I mean, you're not playing that. You're actually taking it. You're actually

doing it. You're actually taking it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So there's no movie magic.

No, it's literally happening.

How do you do it? Just like this. Look at this.

Have you ever fucked a woman that...

Actually enjoyed it.

How could I know? How does one know? Good point. There's no way to tell.

good liars. Yeah.

Women are really good liars.

They may tell you.

Hey, at least he's honest, you know?

At least you're honest.

I feel like you're the same on this, Nathan. But after a scene when a woman's

like, I really came in that scene, I'm like, maybe you did. I hope you did. But

I don't know. Well, I'm not going to tell people.

If they did that to you, they definitely didn't.

Oh, that's the tell. Yeah. If it was with me. Yeah.

So that's just a good way to tell if you're a liar.

Pretty much.

Because otherwise they'd be like, I didn't come with you. I'd be like, you

you're an honest person.

This bandana's annoying me.

But I'm having a bad hair day. That's why I'm wearing it.

That's why I'm wearing it. Did you come to clean?

Did I what? Come to clean the house?

Is that why you're wearing a vagina? I did tell you I said it's very dusty in

that bathroom. Yeah. You are OCD. I just went to go pee and I started fucking

sneezing. What are you drinking in there? Some water. No.

I can put it in your mouth.

Hey,

look at this. Fields by Kenzie. Have you used this before?

Fields by Kenzie. I just want you to know this episode of a fucking podcast

been sponsored by Fields by Kenzie. They've agreed.

To pay for both the performers, and Kenzie actually agreed to do this scene

free.

Just for us promoting Feels by Kenzie. And tell us a little bit about the

genesis of Feels. So you are chronically dry.

Your pussy has just been known as like a sandpaper factory.

I love it. Yes.

That's why Nathan's so hard right now. It's a carrot and a sandstorm. I said...

So if we don't use feels.

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. So I was like, don't use feels. And it will just be

sandpaper. Yeah. And it feels very nice. Well, his dick is so calloused from

working in this job.

Thick calloused. So it kind of scrapes away those layers of gender. It's a skin

peel, guys. His dick is calloused because people actually want to have sex

him. You know? Yeah. God, I wish. He's doing it a lot.

Okay, so, chronically dry vagina, and you're like, man, I just wish that there

was something other than, like, gasoline I could pour in my vagina that would

work. Yeah. So you saw it. And all the truck stops.

Are you talking about this, Joe?

Yeah.

My voice just changes when I get excited.

Okay, what percentage of fit is in each bottle?

Zero.

Weed milk?

Yeah, I didn't add my own spit.

Why would you even... Because it's supposed to be a good product. It's by

Taylor. What is it? Yeah, because I tested like 80 different products to get

that. And you did test on animals, right? No, no.

That's why it says cruelty free. All the best products have been tested on

animals. That's a lie.

No, it's true.

Penicillin, animals.

All of the psychiatric drugs, animals. Penicillin, your favorite drug.

Fire? Animals. Animals.

Yeah. It was like giving all these animals boners. All these monkeys

around boners. Like, this is dangerous. We shouldn't do this.

So how did you test it out? You were like... I had a lab in San Diego.

I went to a lab in San Diego.

And by lab, you just mean like some sort of glory hole situation.

It was a trailer park.

Yeah, and you just said...

Open for business, come on in. Yeah, it was a trailer park and I was like, I

need to try these products and see what everyone likes the best.

So the whole trailer park tested out everything.

So much like cars, you know, every three months you're supposed to get an oil

change. Women are kind of the same way.

They lose their personal lubrication and you need to take a whole bottle of this

and you're good for three months. Is that how it works?

You can use that whenever you like.

You wouldn't know anything about it. So it's not like a three -month situation?

I went through a whole bottle before in one month.

What? But also I do know people that use a bottle in three months.

In one month, that was just one sexual encounter.

No.

It's weird with you smiling at me because I'm not used to all of this.

Shut up! You usually never smile at me.

It's weird because I feel like we're having this connection.

You know what I mean?

I think I should suck Nathan's cock and look at you.

Oh, like her.

Yeah, Nathan and I can buddy up.

I like to be over here because sometimes I'll get behind him and it'll be like

you're sucking my dick.

So we'll see how that works.

Buddy!

That's what it looked like.

What, your dick?

Nothing, just fucking balls.

So like her sucking your dick, does she look up at you sometimes?

And then she sees both of us.

I'm not looking at you, don't worry.

I'm actually looking at myself in these red glasses. Have you noticed I'm

getting harder with me here?

Yes, actually. It helps a lot.

Okay, Nathan.

So recently, you lit your dick on fire. I did.

Tell us a little bit about that.

Well, I lit it on fire.

How would you compare that, lighting your dick on fire, to having sex with

Kenzie Taylor?

Oh, two very different experiences.

Really? One's very cold, and the other one's...

What? Interesting. Which is which? I don't know.

You'll find out.

Tune in next week.

Which do you think is more fulfilling?

Let's see.

Over the long term or short term?

Well, let's be honest here.

Which of them, when you go to set, are you going to show people pictures of?

I'm never going to shoot with Kenzie.

Well, you're going to have pictures of me. Depending on how this thing goes, I

might be showing this a lot.

So this is going to go on your calendar.

This is going to go on my calendar.

Kenzie, you made the calendar.

We're at Valentine's Day with your stupid pink suit.

So you thought, like, okay, I lit my dick on fire.

What's, like, a step above that? What can I do that's worse than that?

Sex with Kenzie Taylor.

Oh, yeah.

That was the next obvious choice. Definitely an obvious choice. It's

more dangerous.

Is it?

I mean, her teeth, it's like razor blades in there.

I don't need more kinks, bro. Don't start that shit.

I don't need to be like, maybe a razor blade to my cock.

Maybe I'll try that out. I already had a girl chew on my balls the other day and

I was like, fuck it, damn it.

Did you like that? Yeah.

But she's like, I don't know. But you're true.

This is a pretty common trend with male performers.

Like, the longer you're in, the more you like your balls.

Damaged and destroyed.

It really is almost like a callus thing, right? Yeah, it is like a callus.

Are you biting down hard?

I'm like... Like it's corn on the cob? Pretty much.

Interesting.

Is it weird?

Do you have any issues with... I don't know why... I could never... I'm a bad

person. You could never bite Nathan's balls?

I could never do that. Have your balls bitten?

Is it actually on the balls or the skin?

Are you getting the ball in there?

How's that? Does that unlock anything for you?

I've had people chew on the balls and it's like, ah!

At first he cries and then he's like, ah!

So what's it like when someone goes to give you a blowjob?

I feel like we should ask you that because you've done it before.

Unwillingly. I was like, oh, this little thing. This little guy. Look at this

little guy.

It was adorable.

I was like, oh, hey.

Yeah. And then he was like, I'm fully hard. I was like, oh. It was like a

squirrel, like a little baby squirrel. I'm like, I just want to take this home

and hide it.

Says no one ever about you.

I'm not sure, Nathan.

People like it. They enjoy having sex with me.

I know. I know, sweet panda bear. Thank you.

Just because she's mean doesn't mean all women are like that. You are a special

snowflake and everybody loves you. Thank you. I appreciate that.

So Nathan, you can notice he's biting his tongue so he doesn't laugh too hard

after he says that.

Hear it, metal snowflake. Know what you need to hear? It's because our dynamic

gets him really hard and he doesn't want to come too early. Fuck yeah, Mark. He

wants to do a good thing.

Yeah. So you had a problem, Nathan, recently with a lot of women catching

feelings for you.

Allegedly. Why do you think that is?

Because he's so sweet.

I'm a bright and shiny star, in other words, dark and cruel world.

Do you think it's because they just... They don't know the real you?

They don't know how, like... Oh, no, I tell everyone the real me very, very

quick. They think it's the not to me. Yeah. Or maybe it's like they think they

can heal you in all your damage.

They're like, this pussy's gonna make him change his mind. He should stir your

water with his cock.

I don't know. Let me shove it in that kitty cat cup.

We'll do that later. Give me a kitty cat cup.

Sean doesn't want anything here in a kitty cat cup.

I'm telling you, serial killer shit.

A serial killer would not dress good.

A serial killer wants to blend in.

Right? Like, I'm going to go out and get attention.

I just want a serial killer.

You want to be passable.

Passable for what?

Not a serial killer. Oh, that, yeah.

If people think you're a serial killer, you're not a very good serial killer.

So, Sean, the reason why he's so fit is he eats one French fry a day or a little

piece of a hash brown. Hey, hey, hey.

That was kind of a compliment.

So he'll go to McDonald's. They're air fried.

He goes to McDonald's every morning to, you know, fellowship with the senior

citizens there.

He's like...

When do I get the Junior Citizen discount? They're like, Greta, you've

more years. You're almost there.

Malarkey!

Okay, so you clearly identify as a lesbian.

Pantexual. I like everything.

Okay. What do you think you like about me being an older lesbian so much? Like,

obviously, you like women.

It turns you on, because I have both. I think you have white pussy hair.

Oh, yeah. I'm going to love to see your pussy hair.

It's similar. Show me your pussy hair. I said your pussy hair.

That is it. It's that long.

Just show it. Just show it.

Unzip your pants. You don't have to show us the chapstick. You just want to see

my... It's your fuse.

My fuse?

Yeah. The chapstick. Oh.

A .K .A.

Her cock.

The chapstick grows. Greta's cock.

People... First of all, people love chapstick.

It keeps your lips...

Nice and moisturized. So moist.

They carry it with them in their pocket. It's an essential thing. A lot of

people, like, they can only have one thing in their pocket. It's ChapStick.

so, in that sense, yeah, people love my ChapStick.

Does Aquaphor work? Yeah, this episode is sponsored by Aquaphor.

Does Fields work with ChapStick?

It could.

Can you drink it?

Yeah. If we put a little bit on his, you can drink it off there? Yeah.

Interesting. Is there a flavor?

It's not meant to be drink. I'll say that. It does kind of taste like aloe

There's no... Is there aloe vera in it?

Whoa.

I guess there's aloe.

Okay. If you read the label, it says that. I don't know how to read. I don't

know what would make you think that. I don't know how to read, right?

Did I read?

I feel like I'm...

Why would they turn away like this? Like, why are you guys trying to have a

moment without me? You put me here. Here, move over.

Sorry. We're both.

Yeah, no problem.

We're in a serial killer couple.

So let's really get into your OCD problem.

Okay. Like, what do you think that stems from? Do you think it gives you a sense

of control?

Where, like, if you have everything clean and organized, then you have power

something? Does that come from your childhood where you felt like you didn't

have that? Maybe, I guess.

I don't know. I think it's more along the lines of I just like everything in a

certain place and I'm very neat.

Yeah. Yeah. But it satisfies something in you.

Are you like that in other areas of your life where you have to have control?

Not always, no.

When are you okay not having control?

I don't have control right now.

You kind of do. You're on top of him. Oh, that's true. That's true.

In sex, though, you kind of like dominating.

Yeah. I mean, I, I like to dominate when it's, when it's right. You know what I

mean? Like I would never try to dominate him.

When you were younger, did you feel powerless or do you think you always

had that dominant streak and it just, it evolved? I've always been dominant.

Okay. So you were the one getting your friends in trouble? Pretty much. Yeah.

But I was also getting in trouble too. Yeah, of course.

But I was the bad influence.

You're a bad case.

What other kind of mental problems do you have?

Well, I'm friends with you, so I think... Why are you friends with me? I

know, you know? What does that satisfy for you? I don't know.

Does it make you feel better about your life? It's like one of those charity

situations. Like you're going to the old folks home already?

Yeah, yeah.

Like, I think it's a charity situation where I just...

It's just so bad, you know? It must be tough being a geriatric.

But in a way, like, all emotions and everything is about contrast. So if you

hang out with somebody who isn't doing as well as you, then by contrast,

like, more appreciative of your own life.

Right?

I guess so.

Yeah?

So you should hang out more often, maybe.

We could even date or something, you know? I would rather... Where would you

like to go?

I would rather pick this old typewriter and bash myself in the head with it like

25 times. No, dude, it's expensive.

Look, thank you.

I think we would have a lovely time. Where would you want to go on our first

date?

Benihana. Fucking good choice.

I feel like you just talked to the person the whole time.

Benihana is so good.

I've been to Vinnie Hunter.

They beat you with other people.

Do other people ever complain about your smell?

Never. I don't have a smell.

I think you're smelling yourself actually.

It smells like if you got a bunch of dead raccoons and you put them in a

dumpster with a bunch of diapers and then you poured gasoline on that.

Crude gasoline.

And then lit it on fire.

And then you put it out with a bunch of cow manure.

Is what it smells like. I told you about doing this. You're smelling your upper

lip again.

Nathan, what barnyard animal would you compare Kenzie to?

The glorious of all.

The mighty bison.

I love it.

Is it because of the fur that matches in the hump?

I didn't think of that. I just kind of like eating a bison.

You could probably milk a bison, right?

Yeah. If we're looking at Meet the Parents.

Okay, she's kind of milking you. I was going to say, I feel like I could milk

him right now. If you were going to milk her, what would that look like?

With feels, you could milk anything.

It's true.

If you had to milk her tits, let's say she's in paralyzed and she

has full tits with milk and she's like, I've got to get the milk out of my tits.

How would you do it?

Let's see if I can remember how to milk.

You're supposed to start at the top and then squeeze down.

Show us. I just don't know how else I'll be like, I guess within a bit.

That noise, too.

Yeah, you'd have to make, sorry, we'll make a different noise.

And squeeze there, capture down at the tip of the nipple, and then press out.

she had, same way you would titty milk, would you be drinking it? I would 100 %

drink her fucking titty milk. Have you ever tasted titty milk? Once.

Oh, it's good. It tastes like rice milk to me. I've tasted tea milk. When you

were a baby?

No.

You're like, fuck no, not as a baby.

Fuck no.

When I was a baby, I drank whiskey. Yeah, I drank fucking tequila and

Colt 45.

Old English fucking sun.

PBR out of the keg.

Milwaukee's best all day.

Okay, Kinsey, you're really into gay porn. Yeah. What is it about gay porn?

I don't know. I think maybe how taboo it is turns me on, because it's just a

very taboo thing, seeing a man on man. And then also it's just

men are sexy.

I love gay porn on the women's side as well.

Seeing the same sex together, there's something about it that's really hot.

So when you say, like, you compare me to a lesbian, that's you imagining... I

can get his leg to shake. Watch this.

I don't think that's a good thing. I'm edging.

That might be palsy. Do you do this to yourself?

This might be palsy. You might have a medical condition.

Okay,

so a serious question. As a commentator of gay porn,

If Nathan and I were to start selling our assholes in gay porn, of the three

us, whose asshole do you think would sell for the most money?

Honestly, Nathan.

Because he has a huge fan base.

And he's never done any of that. So people would pay a lot of money.

But let's say, okay, over a five -year period, whose asshole would continue to

sell?

Well, yours is blown out, so it'll never happen to you.

Don't people like blown -out assholes?

I don't know. I mean, some.

Oh, like an asshole like a tube of circus penis?

Like a tube of circus penis.

But you also said that your asshole, you think, can fit a semi -truck. Would you

not describe that as blown -out? No, it's not.

Your asshole is like the Lincoln Tunnel. You're saying it's, like, structurally

sound, and semis can pass through it, but there's no fear of it imploding.

It's true, yeah.

Endless, you know? People can go in and out of it. We have our intestines and

all that stuff.

Nice. What I like about you and your story, Kennedy, is that... He's looking

my vagina like he's going to touch it.

Go ahead.

Go ahead. You want to touch it?

No, I'm worried about it. Go ahead.

It's frightening. Are you looking at my market again?

I'm talking to the microphone.

Hello?

I'm interviewing you now. Listen up.

I'm taking over the table. You hear that over there?

Mr. Cameraman.

Got it.

C -man.

Yeah.

I'm interviewing him now.

His dick? When you say him, who are you referring to? With his cock at the

microphone. Okay, yeah. What questions have you got?

How old are you?

What are you, like a kindergartner? Is this your podcast question? How old are

you? What's your favorite color? Are you going to ask me what my favorite shape

is? Tell everybody what kind of car you drive.

I drive a Honda Insight. It's a very practical car for L .A. It's a commuter

car. It's a hybrid.

Rub my foot.

Yeah, rub it.

You're obviously a terrible podcaster.

Okay, so Kinsey. A lot of people, they'll do feature dancing as a way to

out, do tours.

and meet their fan base. What I love is interesting about you is you do tours of

like truck stops as a good way to meet your fans.

I do tours of truck stops and feature dancing and then also like when I'm

feature dancing I will find the best truck stops in that area.

What do you like look for when you're looking for a good truck stop? Is it

parking space so the more similars can get in? Like your assholes?

Um, you know, I shared about this on my podcast The Sauce with Kenzie Taylor.

Um,

Cooking with Nathan.

Yeah, and cooking with Nathan. I just want to. Yeah, badass chef.

So I shared about this before, but I'll share it again. I love truck stops, not

just because of the sexy truckers. Oh, the food.

The food.

The food. That's truck stops in Texas, right? The drink.

I never actually been to one in Texas. What? You haven't been to Buc -ee's?

Yeah, Buc -ee's. I want to go to Buc -ee's. It's like a mall.

Okay, so that's what I heard.

There's a comedian that joked recently that said it's the only place where you

can buy home decor, a gun, chewing tobacco, and put gas in your car.

That's where I want to live.

So when you're going to these truck stops, do you just go from semi to semi

knock on the door?

Pretty much.

No, I say I'm showing off.

Oh, rad. Let's get this going.

That would explain a lot of my DMs. As soon as I say that, they're like, oh!

little lady, get on in.

I've been waiting to meet you.

You look a lot younger than your age. I'm much more popular than you.

No, I just don't want the bad reputation, you know? I'd rather give it

Why are you rubbing my foot?

God damn it! Do you want to rub mine?

Ew, no.

Come on, my dogs are barking.

Come on, rub these things. My biscuits are burning!

Ew!

Ew!

Come on. No, ew!

Get in there. No, I'm rubbing the top. Rub it with your boob. No.

I'm glad we all know how much I love to eat stuff.

Come on, man. Get in there.

You need a pedicure.

Yeah, they're not... I mean, they're gaiety. You need a pedicure.

So, guys, I shot a theme the other day.

I don't know.

Are we ready for him to come?

You got five minutes?

I'm hungry.

I'm starving!

Put these dogs in your mouth.

Ew! Get those dogs out of here!

Little puppy.

Little hound dog.

You should tell Nathan about our joke.

It doesn't make sense to anybody.

We have a lot of inside jokes which I've tried to keep out of this podcast

because they're absurd and make absolutely no sense to anybody else.

I'm surprised.

At how smooth your feet are for how often you go barefoot in parking lots.

I would have thought there would be glass.

There would be calluses. I never go barefoot in parking lots. You wear a

Only public bathrooms.

Well, I wear a croc. I assume something you can get off easily. Well, at the

shop stops, they give you shower sandals. So that's what I normally will

Yeah. Yeah.

Do you go into the men's shower stalls and just wait?

No, I wait to hear.

Number 85, shower three, go in. That's your cue? And that's my cue because I

like to pick up my victims very widely based on their number, you know? And I

also will ask, like, how long has it been since they've showered?

You don't want them to shower. If they showered within 24 hours, I don't want

any part of it, you know?

Yeah. You like the dirt.

Oh, sorry.

We're busy talking. I'm just letting you go, girl.

Just be two bros hanging out here.

Okay.

I still remember the first time we met. Oh, look, there's two people on your

live. Look at, oh, hey.

Oh.

That's more than there's ever been.

Wait, somebody just commented.

Yeah, what did they say? I am popular. Wait, where's the field, Lou?

You want to taste them? Oh, I was going to put them in my hand.

Where are you going to put it? Don't put it in her asshole unless we can see it.

Don't tell me to do it with my life, Dad.

Do you want to just murk it in your face?

I don't want the glue to stick to me.

The glue?

How did we end up here? You know what I mean? I don't know.

Our lives are still... Oh, wait. What were we talking about? The first time we

met. Do you remember?

I actually don't. Do you?

Oh, you do? It was a really special moment for me. You came down to Orange

County to shoot for the producer's film. Oh, yes.

Yes.

And that's when I was making the dolphin noises. Yeah, she made dolphin noises

during sex.

Oh, good.

Can you do one now?

That's actually really good.

You've improved since the last time. I have, yeah.

Last time, I don't know what the hell I was doing.

And then I also did a video where I flopped on the bed like a dolphin.

That was a different time. That was for the Zillow Zero.

Zillow Zero!

Well, I don't remember with the Zero to Hero theme, they were like, okay, get

somebody that you have really bad chemistry with.

Really? Yeah.

You really need to take a lesson. Okay, Nathan, do what you're doing to her

pussy, but do it to my mouth so I know.

All right.

Actually, that would probably put Kenzie on way too much. Yeah, it really would.

Honestly, I would just pretend like you're... Yeah, all that cock is going

out the window.

I would pretend like you're a boy. Have you ever had an experience where, let's

say, you're hooking up with a dude and you didn't realize that he also maybe

stuff with other guys or, like, you put them together and they have their first

guy -on -guy experience? No, I want that to happen, though.

Yeah. I have hooked up with a dude, though, that was, like, super into trans

women and then told me, like, after we fucked. And I was like, oh, okay. And

then I ended up getting, like, one of my trans uh girlfriends to like come over

and we fucked them together and it was really hot with those guys do you want

what like do you want to peg them or do you want them to fuck you do you want

them to get fucked while fucking you like what is the um so he didn't want to

get fucked he wanted to fuck uh me and my trans girlfriend yeah he didn't want

to get fucked he didn't like to be rimmed but that was it would it be

he liked to be fucked

I think it would be just as equally hot.

Interesting.

It's good to know.

Yeah, Nathan, you can come anytime.

Nathan's fucking eating me like the Last Supper.

Don't even dare stop.

Do you think it's a combination of keep going down on you. He is hungry.

And I'm like, do you?

No, you're like Mary.

Mary Magdalene. And everybody's like, she's a hoe.

Everyone feels sorry for Mary.

Mary his mother or Mary the hooker? Mary her ugly ass fucking outfit. The

hooker.

Mary the hooker. Oh, fuck.

Are you okay?

I'm fine. You know what I think is great about you? I know you don't talk about

it a lot, but you struggle with some health issues. You are one of the

performers who has IBS.

And can you talk a little bit about the struggle of having that and being a

performer? Oh my God, I don't have ideas.

What are you talking about? I don't have ideas. I've been on set with you and

I've walked into the bathroom after you've used it before.

And I can tell you that you have something wrong with you.

It needs to be treated. The only time I have ever maybe done anything in the

bathroom that was like more than a pee was like on an anal day and that was...

I'm very pristinely clean, so it's just maybe a little, like, liquid,

you know, when you're, like, doing your enema, making sure you're all clean. You

know what I'm talking about.

I am always clean. I'm always ready to go. You get fucked in the ass 24 -7.

You're like, what day is it? Oh, time to get fucked in the ass. I think I taught

you your anal routine, didn't I?

Um, no.

Okay, so, real talk. Real talk.

when you're waiting to get cum on your face, what are some of the thoughts that

go through your head? Like, what am I going to eat after this?

Or... Oh,

that's funny. You told me. You told me.

Guys,

those are not my thoughts.

You were like... I don't think you got on my suit.

Thank God.

This is a classy suit.

One tear for Jesus.

Okay, I do remember this about you. The first time I met you, you said you like

to get cum in your eyes.

I do, actually.

Because I think you're like a mathicist, right? You like pain?

I don't think that that's it. I just, I don't know what, I think it goes back to

the whole taboo thing. So a lot of, a lot of girls are like.

on their no list or on their consent sheet. They'll put like, do not come

my eyes. Don't come into my eyelashes.

I actually did a tweet about this like yesterday and it said, where do you want

this load? And then it was like me and then I was holding my eyes open and

Donnie rock was jizzing in my eyes.

But yeah, I, I like coming back.

Yeah, it does burn. Yeah. I think the funniest thing ever was one time I was

doing a shoot in Vegas.

And, um, it was a 15 guy blow bang and I went to the airport and I, I held my

eyes open and almost all of them came to my eyes and I went to the airport and I

did eye drops and everything, but still like it was gnarly. Like I was like

this, like, and the TSA guy was like,

are you okay? I was like, oh yeah, just.

I'm having some allergy issues. He's like, oh, okay. Have a good night.

Allergies. One of the dudes came my eye. It might be allergic to cum in your

eyes. It was crazy, though, because literally for like 24 hours it was hard

see. Did you get pink eye after that?

No.

After 24 hours it was fine, though. It was great.

Does it feel like... I want to add it to your cup.

Come on. You said after we're done.

No, I don't want it. I don't want it.

Get away.

Come here.

Come on.

Come here. Come here, you little guy.

This is you constantly trying to get people to cross their boundaries.

Never. Do you think getting cum in your eye is the equivalent to, you know,

wanting somebody to chew on your balls really hard? Like, the longer you're in

porn, the more you want to, like, get these painful experiences.

Tupac's not dead yet.

If Tupac was to shoot some questionable porn.

Oh, Tupac. Me and Tupac. Fuck you, baby.

I don't think that's the same because burning your eye hurts a lot longer than

your dick being chewed on.

I mean, maybe.

That'd be the same as chewing on our pussy lips.

But it does go back to the conversation of, like, not everyone likes that, you

know? Yeah. So it's sexy.

Everyone hurts. Also, we've been doing this a long time, so.

I mean, obviously, it's pretty blown out down there. Allegedly.

Sean, I think you're just fucking. You got some miles on you.

Hey, Greta.

It's like, but again, you don't. Fuck off, lady.

Fuck off, lady.

And with that. Drive your Honda and get to LA.

Thank you for joining us for another exciting episode of the fucking podcast.

This is Kim D. Taylor. Why didn't you go with your pubes, though?

You want to think my pubes? Yeah. I don't know how full they are.

I'm fully hard. I think she's hard.

Fully hard. It's weird that she's hard.

I don't think you can really do there.

Look at that. A window into my pubes. You're going into your peach bud.

Do you want to touch it?

Oh, sure.

Ooh. Yeah, they're blonde,

kind of. Feels nice.

I'm going to get fucking gay bees.

All right. Well, that's the fucking podcast.

Until next time.

Keep beating your meat, maybe.

Or not.

I don't know what the fuck is going on.

Nobody does, and we've done it.

That's the whole premise.