Original subtitles

[upbeat techno music plays]

♪♪

[cheerful music plays]

[schwing!]

-Welcome back, my candy hearts and paper flowers!

[schwing!]

-[grunts]

-Well, that sure could have gone better.

But I'm sure the next adventure will be less...

uh, wet.

-[Kinger]: Hey, Ragatha?

Can you help me count my eggs before they hatch?

-Oh, yeah, of course.

Uh -- Wait, what?

-Looks like that oh-so-positive Ragatha charm

is starting to wear off, huh?

-[groans]

-Hmm.

Hmm...

-[Zooble]: Looks like this one was a home run, eh?

-Oh, Zooble, you mismatched cash-piano.

I'll tear YOU TO PIECE--

Constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.

-[Zooble]: But never acknowledged.

-[growls] That's it!

Everybody besides Zooble, get over here!

[mystical shimmering]

Everyone, I'm going to pitch to you some future adventure ideas,

and I'm going to ask you to give me your honest opinions on them.

-I was gonna sleep. -All right!

So, I've got an adventure where you all tour

my amazing magic chocolate factory

and get killed off one by one from OSHA violations,

one where a sentient cardiovascular system

goes to war against the United States military,

and one where you have to survive in a post-apocalyptic nuclear wasteland

with a telepathic talking dog who's mean to you the whole time!

What do you think?

-Uh, I don't know.

They all sound a little...

uh, dark?

-I can't tell a compelling story where nothing bad happens.

Where's the intrigue? The stakes?

-Not to mention the sssssex appeal.

-What are you talking about?

-[Zooble]: You know, you could always try the suggestion box again.

I honestly didn't hate the last one we did with it.

-You... didn't hate it?

-[Zooble]: It was kind of refreshing doing something grounded in reality.

-Yeah, I really didn't mind that one, either.

-Uh, what about the rest of you? [overlapping chatter]

-[Jax]: I very much did not enjoy that one in the slightest,

and if we ever do anything even close to that again,

I'm getting violent, and I'm going to kill Ragatha.

-Well, how am I gonna please everybody if you all like different things?

-[Zooble]: Maybe just keep your adventures open at all times

and let us do whatever we want, when we want.

-Are you hearing this, Bubble?

The toybox character wants us to leave the other intelligent AIs

to run for a prolonged period of time.

-Disgusting!

-[Zooble]: Am I not supposed to be hearing you?

-Zippy! [zip!]

-[Zooble]: What did you even zip up? I don't have a mouth.

-Okay, well, how about this?

We'll do a lightning round,

going through all the suggestions in the suggestion box

in rapid succession.

And if you don't like one, you can all vote to skip it.

-What? Like, now? -That's right!

So, grab your bones and pop your pansies,

'cause here we go!

-Wait, didn't we just finish an adventure? -I was gonna sleep!

[dramatic music plays]

Oh, wait, I know what this is!

-[Zooble]: Oh, I swear to God,

if this is one of your suggestions...

-Hi, everyone!

In today's episode of "Poach Everything,"

I'm going to be hunting the critically endangered

red ribbon rhinoceros.

Ahh, just like mom used to make.

[cheerful musical sting plays]

[growling]

-[Zooble]: Oh, my God.

-Ahh, delicious meat.

One down, four to go! -[Zooble]: All right, I'm calling a vote.

Let's skip this one --

and also make Jax a vegan for the rest of the day.

-You can't do that.

[high-pitched tones chiming]

[buzzer blats] [ding!]

What do you mean, you can do that?

-Sorry, Jax -- democracy has spoken.

-Democracy sucks.

[portal shimmering]

-[Pomni]: Wait, what? Why me?

-[Jax]: Eh, I thought a position of power suited you.

-[Zooble]: Oh, my God, are these all gonna be Jax's ideas?

[patriotic music plays]

-[Kinger]: Well, Ms. President,

it looks like there are some new developments

in the ongoing war between Australia and New Zealand.

We may need to take in some refugees.

What do you think? -Wh-- How do you know what to do?

What? -[Kinger]: Didn't you get the brief?

-I am...

just being here.

-You're doing great, Pomni! -[Kinger]: Come down here for a sec.

[whispering] We all got briefs on our characters.

I'm your assistant.

-I-Is that a baby-head lamp?

-[Kinger]: Didn't you get one, too?

I figured we were all on the same page here.

But, if not, you're gonna have to tap into those golden improv skills.

-I'm sorry, what? -[Jax]: Oh, yeah!

I didn't give you one 'cause I wanted to see what you'd do!

-Thanks, Jax.

Appreciate it.

-[Kinger]: I'm not Jax.

-[Australian accent] Oy, mate!

I'm an Australian extremist,

and I've come to detonate this bomb

that'll release all the world's deadliest spiders into...

[normal voice] Did I pick a bad time?

[canned laughter plays]

[laughter continues over speakers] -His acting is phenomenal.

It's hard to believe he's vegan.

-Why wouldn't the president have a bomb squad?!

-Don't worry, President Pomni!

I believe you can do this.

-There's centipedes in there, too.

-Just be sure you know what you're doing.

-Okay, well, which wire do I cut?

-Follow your heart. -You stay out of this!

Shouldn't you be arrested, or something?

-Hey, I'm on your side here. -You're literally not.

-Come on, just pick your favorite color.

-Like the red one?

-[Kinger]: I'd personally go with blue.

Blue's my favorite color --

it being closest to black, and all.

-Wouldn't black be your favorite color, then?

-[Kinger]: Well, no. There's no black wire.

-Hi.

I'm a New Zealand extremist, and...

I... don't..

know what New Zealanders threaten people with.

[bomb ticking]

[mellow jazz music plays]

♪♪

-[distorted feedback blares]

[cheerful pop music plays] -[Singer]: [singing in Japanese]

♪♪

-What is this? I don't like this.

-[Zooble]: [sighs] Can it.

At least we finally have one that's by someone else.

-Yeah, there's nothing more fun than being back in school.

-Just give it a chance, Jax.

Jeez.

-[Zooble]: There's nothing wrong with your suggestion.

-Wh-- H-How did you know this was my suggestion?!

-Can you believe this, Pomni?

First she draws anime.

Now she drags us all into one. [scoffs]

She must be one of them, uh...

losers.

-You threw me out of a moving truck. -[Kinger]: All right, class.

Today, we're gonna learn the popular foreign language known as...

English? -This is boring.

I vote we skip it. -[Zooble]: Shut up, we're not skipping it.

-[scoffs] Slice-of-life animes are the worst ones.

It's embarrassing!

[chuckles] I mean, I guess it's not as embarrassing

as that time Gangle took an anime figure and --

-Actually, yeah! We can skip it, that's fine!

Let's skip this one!

[mellow celestial music plays]

[insects chirping softly]

♪♪

-Are we just chilling for this one?

Can I finally relax?

-Uh, I guess so.

But, uh, I prefer a little bite to my adventures.

-[Kinger]: [chomps] Then why don't you

help yourself to a sangwidge?

-[Zooble]: Here. -Thanks.

-Do you think Gangle is actually capable of being happy?

-What? -I dunno.

Like, her comedy mask still breaks every day.

Does she think hanging out with Zooble is gonna magically fix that?

-Maybe she just doesn't wanna hang out

with someone who's mean to her all the time.

-She likes when I'm mean to her, though.

-I didn't think you cared about what other people like.

-[scoffs] I just...

No, yeah, y-you're right -- I don't.

-Do you have any...

actual friends?

-Not anymore.

Oh -- Oh. Oh, wait, no.

Uh, I'm -- I'm sorry.

I-I wasn't talking about --

That --That wasn't meant to be --

Uh -- Uh...

Hey, Kinger! [laughs awkwardly]

Did you see the fireflies all the way over there?

-[Kinger]: [gasps] Where?!

-What was that about?

-It's nothing.

Who cares?

[sighs] Doesn't she get on your nerves sometimes?

-I mean, she's nice to everyone.

-[sighs] I don't know, I just --

I think she tries way too hard.

Like, we're stuck in --

Why are you always pretending everything's always fine?

Like, if you tell someone they're loved and appreciated every day,

it just kind of loses all meaning.

[inhales deeply] [sighs]

It just feels like she's trying to take advantage of you, you know?

I don't know.

Also, she's dumb, and she looks weird.

-Eh, I think we all look weird.

-[scoffs] Excuse you.

This is what peak male performance looks like.

My ears and tail are kind of the pinnacle of masculinity.

-You don't have a tail. -[scoffs]

What are you talking about? Yes, I do.

It's -- It -- What the --

Where's my tail?

How long have I not had my tail?

-I have never seen you with a tail.

-When would that have even... [stammers]

♪♪

-They look happy.

-They do, don't they?

-You think after this, maybe we could --

-Wait a minute! That's a bad thing!

-Explain to daddy Bubble how bad thing?

-I-I think that -- Don't say that.

I-I think they're enjoying the suggestion box adventures

more than the me adventures!

What should I do? -You should die --

You should throw a [BLEEP!] beach party!

-Why do you swear now?

Ugh, forget it. Let's go to an intermission.

[rewound audio warbles]

-[deep sultry voice]: Intermission time.

[record scratches] [trippy music plays]

[remixed vocals play]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Zooble]: Caine, what are we doing right now?

-We're intermissioning!

-[Zooble]: Why?

Uh...

Hello?

-And now, back to the show!

[moody jazz music plays]

[bell jingles]

♪♪

-Gimme a whiskey sour.

But hold the egg white, since I'm a vegan.

Wha-- I hate this!

How is this even possible?

I thought Caine couldn't --

-[Zooble]: I could have made it way worse for you.

-Well, I'm calling a vote to turn Zooble into a slug.

[warbling tones play] [low tones play]

-Everyone voted against that.

-UUUUGGHH!!

No hate it...

[bell jingles]

-[Kinger]: Phew! It's raining like the dickens out there.

-Hey, guys.

♪♪

I'll have a cosmopolitan.

-[Kinger]: Gimme a corncob blitz.

-[Zooble]: I'll throw something together.

-You know your way around alcohol, huh?

-[Zooble]: Yeah. This was one of my suggestions.

I worked at a bar briefly.

I like making drinks.

-[scoffs] That sounds fitting for you.

-[Zooble]: I know there's an implication there,

but I can't be [BOINK!] to figure it out.

-So, Pomni, you ever have any jobs?

Or are you too young for that?

-I'm 25 years old.

And, yeah.

I was an accountant for a -- a supermarket chain.

-A supermarket?

How'd you end up here?

-Well, I...

sometimes got bored of things...

and I would seek out mild thrills.

Like exploring abandoned buildings, you know?

And posting videos of it online.

-Ah, a YouTuber.

-Not really.

Nobody watched them.

It was just something I did for me.

-[Zooble]: I sometimes did that.

I wouldn't record it, though.

Here's your cosmo. -Thanks.

-Hiding something.

-[Zooble]: You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?

What's your story, then?

-Ah, I thought you'd never ask.

Well, after my lung cancer diagnosis,

me and my junkie associate from a chemistry class I used to teach --

-[Zooble]: I figured. How about you, Gangle?

-Hey, I wasn't done. -[Zooble]: If you're gonna

make [BOINK!] up, at least be creative about it.

I know what you're referencing.

-Was that a reference to something?

-Uh...

I worked in fast food.

-[Zooble]: You've done more than that. What about your art?

-I was in community college for graphic design,

but I dropped out.

I didn't really pursue art much after that.

-[Zooble]: Hey, I'm always down to make art together, if you want.

-Oh, I didn't know you were an artist, too, Zooble.

-[Zooble]: Uh, yeah, I was a tattoo artist for a couple years.

-A bartender AND a tattoo artist?

[laughs] You're killin' me here, Zoobie.

-[Zooble]: What do you mean when you say that?

Do you have, like, an actual point?

Or are you just talking?

-I'm just havin' fun.

I forgot you hate fun.

-[Zooble]: Fun isn't the thing I hate.

-I guess I'll go now.

Oh, jeez, where to start. [laughs nervously]

Um, I was born into a fairly wealthy family.

We had a large property with horses and chickens.

And my mother...

Uh, well...

my mother was...

a lot.

Uh, I worked in real estate for a bit

until I ended up...

here.

[sighs] I'm sure she doesn't miss me.

I certainly don't miss the yelling...

and the berating...

and guilt-tripping... [laughs nervously]

And the...

Yeah. [laughs] Just kind of a farm girl.

Nothing too out of the ordinary.

♪♪

-And no point in asking Kinger,

'cause there's no way he remembers anything.

-[Kinger]: Never better!

-Do you guys know about his wife?

-Huh? -[Kinger]: MY WHAT?!

Oh. -[scoffs]

[door opens] [bell dings]

-[NPC]: He--

-What? -[Zooble]: That's disappearing guy.

That's just what he does.

-I see.

From a previous adventure?

-Yeah. God, Pomni.

You didn't know that?

-[Zooble]: I'm ignoring you.

-By the way, Pomni,

sorry about the whole president thing.

I just thought it'd be funny.

-Uh, are -- are --

are you apologizing?

What's happening? -[Zooble]: Just ignore him.

-Uh...

Apology accepted.

I guess.

-Wow, the first steps of a budding friendship.

Right, Ragatha?

-Uh, hey, Pomni.

Remember when Kaufmo smashed me against the walls

and I got all jumbled up?

Ah, all things considered, that was pretty funny, right?

-Noooo?

Not really.

-Oh, yeah, yeah. No, sorry.

That was probably pretty traumatic for you.

-Ooh, remember when you got high at McDonald's

and told Gangle to kill herself?

[chuckles] Now that was funny.

-What? I-I did not say that!

I-I think.

No. No, of course I didn't.

I -- And I am still so, so sorry about that, Gangle.

I would never have said anything like that

if I didn't get that stupid sauce in my eye!

-Jeez, Raggy, just let yourself be mean sometimes.

It's funny. -[Zooble]: Yeah.

Constantly tormenting Gangle's really funny, Jax.

-You guys all take this place way too seriously.

Wh-- What is this?

Why'd you do that?

Can you get that thing away from me?

-[Zooble]: Are you afraid of corn?

-No.

Who's afraid of corn?

[exclaims] -I'm bored!

Let's go to the next adventure! -[Zooble]: You're not even a part of --

[crowd cheering]

-[Caine]: [through microphone] It's softball, ladies and gentlemen!

-[Ragatha]: O-Oh. We're doing this now?

-Beautiful night for a game, right, Bubble?

-BLEEEH!!

-We've got the Big Tops

playing against the Evil Big Tops!

-'Sup, [BLEEP!]?

I'm Evil Pomni.

-[cackling] I'm Evil Ragatha!

-[Evil Kinger]: Coach Dictatorer, here!

-[nervously] Uh, hi, guys.

I-I'm Evil Jax.

-[Evil Orbsman]: Evil Orbsman, reporting for duty!

-[Evil Zooble]: [goofy voice] I'm Bazooble! [babbles]

-Well, that wasn't in my suggestion.

-Why don't I get an evil clone?

-But first, let's welcome our special guest,

here to sing the American national anthem.

[crowd cheering]

[microphone feedback squeals]

-[Disappearing Guy]: ♪ Oh, sa-- ♪

[applause]

-[screams]

-[Kinger]: All right, team!

I may not know what's going on

or who is going on,

or when is going on,

or why is going on,

but I do know where is going on,

and it's out on that field.

So, let's go break some tailbones, team.

-H-Hey, guys.

-I-I hope we all have a fun game,

no matter who ends up winning.

-I wanna kill that guy.

-Well, hello, Stupidgatha!

I hope you're ready to get completely annihilated!

[cackles]

Nobody loves you, and you're going to die someday!

[cackles]

-We can't exactly die.

That's like the whole thing here.

-[Evil Orbsman]: What the frick?

-Huh? Oh, check this [BLEEP!] out.

You're out, dumb-[BLEEP!]

-[BOINK!] it!

-Hah! Get owned!

-[BLEEP!] yeah, that's what I'm sayin'.

-Ah, she's cool.

Wait, w-what's that?

[chime rings]

What the heck?!

Who did this?! -[giggles]

-YOU!

-[screaming] -[Zooble]: Hey!

-[wailing]

-[Kinger]: Jax, you're up to bat! -I cant -- Don't wanna --

[stammers] I look like this, though!

-[Zooble]: Seems fitting for you, though.

I figured you'd be into this. -What does that mean?

What's that supposed to mean? -[Zooble]: I'm just havin' fun.

I forgot you hate fun.

-I don't want to wear this! [breathing heavily]

-[Zooble]: I have never seen you this upset about something.

-[Kinger]: Jax! Bat!

-I'm gonna kill you when this is over.

-[Evil Zooble]: Let's see what you're made of!

-Sh-- Shut up!

-D-Don't worry! I think you look good!

-I don't want to hear that!

I want you dead!

-[chomps]

-Huh, I guess there's no more ball.

We're done. -[Kinger]: Wait!

I got this!

Hmm.

-[Zooble]: Wh-- Hey! -[Kinger]: Sorry, Zooble.

It's just the perfect regulation softball size.

We're not playin' baseball, here.

-[sighs] I'm not doing this anymore.

-[Kinger]: Wait, Jax!

Wh-- What about where is going on?

-[sighs] I can't believe I hit it right to her.

I'm supposed to be better than that.

[sighs] Sorry.

I should be a better sport.

-Not to, like, agree with Jax, or anything,

but there's nothing wrong with showing your negative emotions.

That's... pretty normal.

-[sighs] I don't know.

I don't want to be a jerk, or anything.

-I think we all need to be a jerk sometimes.

-[mumbles] Maybe.

Who knows?

-[Zooble]: Caine! We need a ball here!

-[snores] [stammers] Wha--

Oh! [schwing!]

-[Zooble]: Jax, we have a ball now!

What are you doing?

-Ugh, see ya.

Whoops, I missed.

Oh, darn, I'm out.

-Having fun?

-Oh, you know it.

Oh, look, Gangle's up to bat.

How do you think this is gonna go?

-Would you stop trying to force her to act like you?

-Oh, yeah, I should force her to be happy

all the time instead -- right.

-Well, it's better than turning her into some insensitive jerk

who deflects everything.

-I can think for myself, guys.

-Hey, I ain't forcin' anything on ya.

-And then you just act like you never do anything wrong

and everybody loves you, when, in reality,

you just [BONK!] everything up for everyone else!

-Okay, let's, like, calm down a bit.

-What?! You're the one who said

it's fine to be a jerk sometimes!

Ugh!

I'm sorry, Pomni. [sighs]

That wasn't very cool of me.

-I-It's fine.

-No apologies for me?

This is so sad.

-[sighs]

I'm sorry, Jax...

for...

for bringing up that thing earlier.

-So...

You wanna...

talk about that?

-I'm in a maid outfit. What do you think?

[yelps] -[sighs]

So, how's the game going? -[Kinger]: Great!

Gangle hit a home run!

-Really? -Yeah.

Your instructions helped me a lot.

-Huh. [laughs softly]

-[Zooble]: Can you give me my eye back?

-[Evil Zooble]: Jokes on you -- I've already forgotten

what you're talkin' about!

[grunts] -Wowie!

Another home run!

-[Evil Kinger]: God [BLEEP!]

-[Zooble]: What, uh -- Okay.

-[Kinger]: Nice going, Zooble!

All right, Pomni, you're up.

-Hey, Ragatha?

You wanna bat for me instead?

-O-O-Oh, uh...

I guess I could, if you really don't want to.

-Think of it as a -- a second chance

to show 'em who's boss.

-[chuckles] Yeah.

Uh... -Bazowieezooweewa!

Another home run!

And that makes three home runs in a row!

The Big Tops win!

-Uh, that's...

not how softball works.

-Well, that's how my softball works.

We're done! Hooray!

-No! [shrieking]

-Ugh. [BLEEP!], man.

We didn't even get to bat.

-[Kinger]: You did it, Ragatha! -Whoa!

-[Kinger]: We won!

-Uh, I mean, I guess. [laughs]

-Good job -- whatever you did.

-[Zooble]: Huh? Uh, oh, yeah.

Good job, team.

-Huh? Oh, cool.

I'm not a vegan anymore.

-Oh, hey! W-Wait, what are you --

-[growling] -[screaming]

-[Kinger]: Why is going on?!

[screaming and growling continue]

[portal shimmering]

-Well, I hope we all learned

that suggestion box ideas are actually not fun at all,

and Caine's ideas are much better!

-[Zooble]: Well, some of them were pretty okay.

-I kind of liked the low-stakes ones.

-I thought the first two were awesome.

The rest, eh.

Oh, yeah, Pomni -- I can show you that thing in the hall I was talking about.

-Uh, oh, yeah, sure.

-[sighs]

[sinister music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

[upbeat jazzy music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Captioned by Foulweather Studios]

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