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1
00:00:05,588 --> 00:00:08,507
I'm here to see the big cheese.
2
00:00:08,507 --> 00:00:11,553
You just missed it.
The big ham too.
3
00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:15,515
I'm here for
my job interview, s-s-stupid.
4
00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:17,517
I don't have
a job interview today.
5
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:19,268
Well, then I must be mistaken.
6
00:00:19,268 --> 00:00:20,687
Good day, sir.
7
00:00:21,687 --> 00:00:24,148
[phone ringing]
8
00:00:24,148 --> 00:00:25,316
- Hello?
- 'Hello.'
9
00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:26,775
(Daffy)
'Hey, listen Mister, um'
10
00:00:26,775 --> 00:00:29,195
'um, uh, hey, what's that
on the celling?'
11
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:30,363
Where?
12
00:00:33,407 --> 00:00:34,742
'Mister Carey.'
13
00:00:34,742 --> 00:00:36,494
'There's a guy
coming in for a job.'
14
00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:38,912
'He's small and has
an adorable lisp.'
15
00:00:38,912 --> 00:00:41,416
'But he's a genius,
I tell ya. A genius!'
16
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:43,209
'Hire him right away.'
17
00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:47,505
So?
18
00:00:47,505 --> 00:00:50,007
Do I have the job?
19
00:00:50,007 --> 00:00:51,592
Wait a second,
I can't hire you.
20
00:00:51,592 --> 00:00:53,261
You're a... you're a duck.
21
00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:54,429
What are you trying
to say here?
22
00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:55,763
You don't hire ducks?
23
00:00:55,763 --> 00:00:57,806
Well, if you were
a jackass, maybe.
24
00:00:57,806 --> 00:00:58,849
Then you could run the place.
25
00:00:58,849 --> 00:01:00,601
But, uh...
26
00:01:00,601 --> 00:01:03,229
...but a duck... no.
27
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:07,233
That's a blatant example
of discrimi-nimi-nation!
28
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,693
Whatever happened
to affirmative action?
29
00:01:09,693 --> 00:01:12,863
I don't s-s-see
any ducks around here.
30
00:01:12,863 --> 00:01:16,993
Uh, w-w-well, what are your,
uh, uh, uh, qua-qualifications?
31
00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:18,828
You want qualifications?
32
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:20,830
I got 'em coming out the wazoo!
33
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:23,749
I got an MBA.
34
00:01:23,749 --> 00:01:24,917
A Ph.D.
35
00:01:24,917 --> 00:01:26,001
An EKG.
36
00:01:26,001 --> 00:01:27,462
A BLT.
37
00:01:29,213 --> 00:01:30,715
A TNT.
38
00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:32,884
And a big old load of TLC.
39
00:01:35,553 --> 00:01:38,223
[instrumental music]
40
00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:45,897
[music continues]
41
00:01:48,774 --> 00:01:52,820
So, whaddaya say, ya big
pampered ball of fluff?
42
00:01:52,820 --> 00:01:54,697
I'd say, you better
get out of my L-A-P.
43
00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:56,157
You are one weird duck.
44
00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:59,744
You ain't just
whistling dixies, fat boy.
45
00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:01,121
Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo!
46
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,416
What do you want?
47
00:02:05,416 --> 00:02:06,709
[heartbeat]
48
00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:08,962
Finally, one of my people.
49
00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,842
Get off the desk, duck.
50
00:02:14,842 --> 00:02:16,302
I love you.
51
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,429
I wanna take you
away from all this.
52
00:02:18,429 --> 00:02:22,141
You're a veritable
kaleidoscope of colors.
53
00:02:22,141 --> 00:02:24,227
And I'm ready to claim
the pot of gold
54
00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:26,271
at the end of the rainbow.
55
00:02:26,937 --> 00:02:28,481
Mmmuuuaah!
56
00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:34,695
Wow! What a woman.
57
00:02:34,695 --> 00:02:37,574
Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo!
58
00:02:41,994 --> 00:02:45,080
You've gotta give me that job,
you've just gotta!
59
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:47,125
No can do, ducky.
60
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,085
You don't understand.
61
00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:51,087
You don't know
what it's like out there...
62
00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:52,630
...for a duck.
63
00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:54,924
♪ Nobody knows ♪
64
00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:56,968
♪ The trouble I've seen ♪
65
00:02:58,302 --> 00:03:01,264
♪ Nobody knows but me ♪
66
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:02,599
Yeah.
67
00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:07,603
Besides, we're getting close
to duck hunting season.
68
00:03:07,603 --> 00:03:08,688
Uh-huh, no it's not.
69
00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:11,482
It's uh... rabbit season.
70
00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:12,858
Duck season.
71
00:03:12,858 --> 00:03:14,819
- Rabbit season.
- Duck season.
72
00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:17,530
- Rabbit season!
- Ah, forget it.
73
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,115
I'll make it somehow.
74
00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:21,492
Maybe, I'll find
some nice family...
75
00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:23,202
...and I'll be their...
76
00:03:23,202 --> 00:03:24,328
[slurring heavily]
...S-S-Sunday s-s-supper.
77
00:03:24,328 --> 00:03:26,622
[crying]
78
00:03:26,622 --> 00:03:28,166
By the way, on my way in
79
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,334
Mr. Wick said
he wanted to see ya.
80
00:03:30,334 --> 00:03:31,961
Oh, thanks. Listen, I'm...
81
00:03:31,961 --> 00:03:33,921
I'm sorry we didn't have
anything for ya.
82
00:03:33,921 --> 00:03:35,340
Nah, it's okay.
83
00:03:41,595 --> 00:03:44,224
[explosion]
84
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,144
[coughing]
85
00:03:50,938 --> 00:03:53,274
S-S-So long... s-s-sucker!
86
00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:55,026
Ha ha ha! What a dope!
87
00:03:56,944 --> 00:03:59,780
And that's why
we don't hire ducks.
88
00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:01,616
[instrumental music]
89
00:04:10,249 --> 00:04:11,500
No kidding, so we actually shed
90
00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:13,002
one whole layer
of skin every month?
91
00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:14,420
Yep. We're just
pink snakes with feet.
92
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,047
Huh.
93
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:17,799
Hey, you told me this jerk
94
00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:19,217
wasn't gonna be here.
95
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:20,301
You swore to me
we were gonna have
96
00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:21,844
lunch alone.
97
00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:23,178
Oh, wait a minute, I think
98
00:04:23,178 --> 00:04:24,305
I've got something
in my pocket here
99
00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:25,556
that'll explain what's going on.
100
00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:30,812
Oh, gee, I only have
one finger in my pocket.
101
00:04:32,396 --> 00:04:34,106
Look, I got you both down here
102
00:04:34,106 --> 00:04:35,816
because you're gonna make up
one way or the other.
103
00:04:35,816 --> 00:04:37,610
- No.
- Yes. Yes, you are.
104
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,070
First of all, Oswald.
105
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,655
Getting all bent out of shape
106
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:43,324
just because he humiliated you
at your own wedding shower
107
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:44,367
in an attempt to destroy
108
00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:45,534
what may have well been
109
00:04:45,534 --> 00:04:47,370
your last chance at happiness.
110
00:04:48,329 --> 00:04:49,789
And you.
111
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,332
I can't believe you're upset
with Oswald
112
00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,083
just because he beat
the crap out of you
113
00:04:53,083 --> 00:04:54,960
in one of the worst displays
of public embarrassment
114
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,212
I've ever seen in my life.
115
00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:58,380
Well, it just makes me sick.
116
00:04:58,380 --> 00:05:01,008
Maybe Lewis has a point,
listen, I'm...
117
00:05:01,008 --> 00:05:02,093
...maybe I shouldn't
have bought Kate
118
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:04,053
that dress, and I'm...
119
00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:05,930
I went too far, I'm sorry.
120
00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:09,767
Maybe I was being
a little oversensitive.
121
00:05:14,521 --> 00:05:15,732
Come here, pudding belly.
122
00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:18,192
That's what I like to see.
123
00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:20,528
A couple guys
loving each other.
124
00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:23,072
I...I mean, a couple guys
not fighting over a dress.
125
00:05:24,990 --> 00:05:27,118
I mean, a couple guys not
letting it come to blows.
126
00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:31,831
Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean.
127
00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:36,335
Uh, hey, good news, Kate.
128
00:05:36,335 --> 00:05:37,753
Drew and I are friends again.
129
00:05:37,753 --> 00:05:39,922
That's great,
I knew you'd work it out.
130
00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:41,757
By the way, did you guys see
that truck outside
131
00:05:41,757 --> 00:05:43,217
giving away free ice-cream?
132
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:45,261
(both)
Free ice-cream?
133
00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:48,056
I think it's ice-cream,
it might be fat-free yogurt.
134
00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:54,604
There's no truck, Drew,
we need to talk about Oswald.
135
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,063
Hey.
136
00:05:56,063 --> 00:05:57,607
We talked about Oswald.
137
00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:59,150
You have to tell him
you're not in love with him.
138
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:01,027
An-and you have to do it fast,
the wedding's in a week.
139
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,111
I know.
I got it covered.
140
00:06:03,111 --> 00:06:05,614
I'm gonna give him this first,
to soften the blow.
141
00:06:05,614 --> 00:06:07,492
"When Bad Things Happen
To Good People."
142
00:06:09,493 --> 00:06:11,036
This is great, a little
something to read, while he's
143
00:06:11,036 --> 00:06:13,998
on the roof, waiting for
the SWAT team to show up.
144
00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:15,082
(Kate)
'Alright, alright.'
145
00:06:15,082 --> 00:06:16,500
That's why I got him
one of these
146
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:19,837
special talking
greeting cards as a back up.
147
00:06:19,837 --> 00:06:22,423
"On this our wedding day,
until we're old and gray.
148
00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:24,717
I just wanna say.."
149
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:26,051
(Kate over recording)
'I'm sorry, Oswald, um'
150
00:06:26,051 --> 00:06:27,803
'I don't wanna marry you.'
151
00:06:27,803 --> 00:06:30,848
'Pff, um, hey, can I record it
again? I wanna add some stuff.'
152
00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:32,307
(man over recording)
'Sorry, lady,
you just get one chance.'
153
00:06:32,307 --> 00:06:33,601
- 'Hey, but..'
- 'That'll be eight bucks.'
154
00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:34,769
(Kate over recording)
'Oh, crap!'
155
00:06:36,603 --> 00:06:38,356
Just... give me a minute.
156
00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:41,692
Drew, I can't tell him
to his face.
157
00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:43,318
This is the hardest thing
this poor guy's
158
00:06:43,318 --> 00:06:45,071
ever gonna go through,
and it's all because of me.
159
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:46,447
Hey, listen,
if you really love him
160
00:06:46,447 --> 00:06:48,532
you'll rip his heart out
in person.
161
00:06:48,532 --> 00:06:51,619
You know, when a woman dumps me,
I expect it to be prompt.
162
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:53,787
I expect her
to be uncomfortable.
163
00:06:53,787 --> 00:06:55,873
And I expect her to contain
her excitement, until it's over.
164
00:06:56,832 --> 00:06:58,751
Anyway.
165
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,961
I'm gonna leave him a note
telling him to meet me at home.
166
00:07:00,961 --> 00:07:02,755
When we're alone,
I'll sit him down...
167
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,631
...I'll pour my heart
out to him...
168
00:07:04,631 --> 00:07:05,967
Then it'll all be over.
169
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:09,470
Let's go.
170
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:19,230
"Oswald, bad news,
ask Drew."
171
00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:22,316
You know what?
172
00:07:22,316 --> 00:07:23,317
I'm gonna go there with you
just to make sure
173
00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:24,443
you go through with this.
174
00:07:24,443 --> 00:07:25,694
You don't trust me?
175
00:07:25,694 --> 00:07:27,362
That's it,
now I'm not gonna help
176
00:07:27,362 --> 00:07:29,114
you tell Oswald
I'm breaking up with him.
177
00:07:29,114 --> 00:07:30,825
Fine, I don't need your help,
I'll tell him myself.
178
00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:34,662
Ooh!
179
00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:36,330
[instrumental music]
180
00:07:38,415 --> 00:07:40,626
I'm a wreck.
How do I look?
181
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,294
You know,
you look-you look too good.
182
00:07:42,294 --> 00:07:43,504
You should look bad when you
break up with somebody.
183
00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:44,505
Make 'em glad to get rid of you.
184
00:07:46,089 --> 00:07:47,216
How's this?
185
00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:49,719
Now you just look sultry.
186
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,181
What do you want me to do?
Pull a tooth?
187
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,726
Hi, Katie Bear.
Hi, Drew.
188
00:07:57,726 --> 00:08:00,229
Hey, Oswald. What's the...
What's the matter?
189
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:01,814
Well, first we had
to walk about three miles
190
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:03,524
before we found
that ice-cream truck.
191
00:08:06,401 --> 00:08:07,820
And then it took
some convincing for him
192
00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:10,864
to give it to us for free.
193
00:08:10,864 --> 00:08:14,118
Besides, I guess, I'm a little
jittery about the wedding.
194
00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:15,453
Why don't we sit down
and talk about it.
195
00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:20,415
Hey, you know what
I just realized?
196
00:08:20,415 --> 00:08:21,876
I'm not in
the other room. Hey!
197
00:08:23,126 --> 00:08:24,670
Who wants some
hot chocolate, huh?
198
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,505
You know, no matter
what's going on in your life
199
00:08:26,505 --> 00:08:28,716
hot chocolate always
makes it feel better.
200
00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:30,218
It's like a big brown hug.
201
00:08:34,513 --> 00:08:35,640
Bye.
202
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:39,935
I'm glad we're
talking about this
203
00:08:39,935 --> 00:08:41,562
'cause, I was listening
to the radio
204
00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:43,230
and they said, that half
of all marriages
205
00:08:43,230 --> 00:08:44,231
end in divorce.
206
00:08:44,231 --> 00:08:45,483
It'd be better for everybody
207
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:46,484
if those people
never got married.
208
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:48,527
- Hmm.
- 'Hey.'
209
00:08:48,527 --> 00:08:50,821
(Drew)
'Speaking of comfort food, huh,
who wants macaroni and cheese'
210
00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:52,156
'to go with that hot chocolate?'
211
00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:56,410
Boy, I feel sorry
for the poor bastard
212
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:57,619
who needs all that
comfort food.
213
00:08:57,619 --> 00:08:58,829
Anyway...
214
00:09:01,665 --> 00:09:03,417
The people on
the radio said that
215
00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:05,752
if somebody had given them
a last minute chance to...
216
00:09:05,752 --> 00:09:07,004
...to back outta the wedding
217
00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:08,964
then, they would have taken it.
218
00:09:08,964 --> 00:09:11,216
- Katie Bear?
- Yeah?
219
00:09:11,216 --> 00:09:13,010
I can give you more love
than any man alive.
220
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:14,303
Still...
221
00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:16,263
...if you wanna back out
of the marriage...
222
00:09:16,263 --> 00:09:18,015
...you tell me now.
223
00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:19,475
I'll understand.
224
00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:22,144
Oh, thank God.
225
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:23,603
Woo!
226
00:09:23,603 --> 00:09:25,689
Ha ha ha.
227
00:09:25,689 --> 00:09:26,982
Wow, I don't know what
I would have done
228
00:09:26,982 --> 00:09:29,109
if you had said yes, but...
229
00:09:29,109 --> 00:09:31,195
Now, now that we're past
that horrible moment.
230
00:09:31,195 --> 00:09:33,406
They say our marriage
will last forever.
231
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,366
All done?
232
00:09:36,366 --> 00:09:38,577
Okay, hot chocolate coming in.
233
00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:40,913
Oswald, ther-there's something
I've been meaning to tell you.
234
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:42,539
And going out.
235
00:09:42,539 --> 00:09:45,167
[knocking]
236
00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:46,252
Hold on, one minute.
237
00:09:48,295 --> 00:09:50,631
- 'Hey, momma.'
- Hi, honey.
238
00:09:56,428 --> 00:09:58,806
- Hey.
- Hey.
239
00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:00,474
This is a surprise,
you're a week early.
240
00:10:00,474 --> 00:10:02,059
Well, you know...
241
00:10:02,059 --> 00:10:04,520
All those frequent bus miles
were gonna expire next week.
242
00:10:06,354 --> 00:10:08,273
Hey, look who... who it is.
243
00:10:08,273 --> 00:10:09,942
(Drew)
'Hi, Mrs..'
244
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:11,068
Hi, Mrs. Harvey.
245
00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:15,363
You're all grown up now, Drew.
246
00:10:15,363 --> 00:10:17,199
You can call me Kim.
247
00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:18,743
I can't,
it ruins the fantasy.
248
00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:23,413
Uh, hey, why don't
you two catch up.
249
00:10:23,413 --> 00:10:26,167
And Drew and I will take
Kim's bags into the bedroom.
250
00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:30,128
See you later, Mrs. Harvey.
251
00:10:30,128 --> 00:10:32,380
I can't believe you still
got a crush on me.
252
00:10:32,380 --> 00:10:33,840
You know?
253
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:37,470
When you were a kid...
you looked too young for me.
254
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,096
Now, you look too old.
255
00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:41,723
Sorry, Drewy.
256
00:10:41,723 --> 00:10:42,975
Oh, man, I lapped her.
257
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,690
What am I gonna do? His mother's
here, I gotta leave.
258
00:10:50,690 --> 00:10:51,817
What are you talking about?
You can't leave.
259
00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:53,318
You have to tell Oswald.
260
00:10:53,318 --> 00:10:54,653
What, and spend
the rest of the week here
261
00:10:54,653 --> 00:10:55,654
with him and his mother?
262
00:10:55,654 --> 00:10:59,074
She's tough, she takes the bus.
263
00:10:59,074 --> 00:11:01,034
You know what?
I bet you could take her.
264
00:11:01,034 --> 00:11:02,787
I've had dreams where you did.
265
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:06,082
Just shut up and help me.
266
00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:08,542
Hey, guys, okay,
so I'm thinking
267
00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:09,876
Mom's shopping for a dress
268
00:11:09,876 --> 00:11:11,045
'and then we'll
all meet at Drew's'
269
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:13,255
at 6:00 for dinner.
270
00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:14,798
(Oswald)
'Drew..'
271
00:11:14,798 --> 00:11:17,092
What are you doing
with Kate's underwear?
272
00:11:17,092 --> 00:11:18,593
I'm in the middle
of a demonstration
273
00:11:18,593 --> 00:11:20,262
for your honeymoon night,
if you don't mind.
274
00:11:21,846 --> 00:11:23,683
Oh... shh, sorry.
275
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,564
(Kate)
'Okay, here's the plan.'
276
00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:33,066
You keep his mom busy and I'll
break the news to Oswald.
277
00:11:33,066 --> 00:11:34,526
Okay, sounds good.
278
00:11:34,526 --> 00:11:36,028
First let's find out
why there's a balloon
279
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,613
in the middle
of my living room.
280
00:11:37,613 --> 00:11:39,281
"Pop me?"
281
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:41,366
Well...
282
00:11:41,366 --> 00:11:43,369
I always do what
a balloon tells me to, so...
283
00:11:46,663 --> 00:11:47,581
It's for you.
284
00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:49,417
"Kate, look under the couch.
285
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:54,088
"First, tell Drew to stop
looking at your butt.
286
00:11:57,591 --> 00:11:59,677
Second, turn on TV
and play tape and VCR."
287
00:12:02,095 --> 00:12:03,556
Now who's looking
at whose butt, huh?
288
00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:07,059
What?
289
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,352
Nothing.
290
00:12:11,438 --> 00:12:14,900
(Lewis over TV)
'You do not know who I am.'
291
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,194
[German accent]
'Now open the fridge'
292
00:12:17,194 --> 00:12:19,864
'and look in the Spam.'
293
00:12:27,829 --> 00:12:30,290
"Now that you've seen my Spam
294
00:12:30,290 --> 00:12:32,293
go down the shelf
and look at my ham."
295
00:12:33,835 --> 00:12:36,464
What kind of monster
is wasting my food?
296
00:12:39,549 --> 00:12:40,926
"I try to rhyme with yard
297
00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:43,553
"but I gave up
'cause it's too hard.
298
00:12:43,553 --> 00:12:45,055
So just go outside."
299
00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:48,434
So far, they've wasted food
300
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:49,434
and a balloon.
301
00:12:49,434 --> 00:12:50,728
This better be good.
302
00:12:52,479 --> 00:12:53,647
(All)
Surprise!
303
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:58,235
Oh, no, Oswald.
What did you do?
304
00:12:58,235 --> 00:13:00,029
Well, we were getting so
stressed out about the wedding
305
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:02,948
I thought let's just do it,
no planning, no pressure.
306
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:04,992
You're throwing me
a surprise wedding?
307
00:13:04,992 --> 00:13:07,828
[applause and cheering]
308
00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:12,791
Wow, what a great idea.
309
00:13:12,791 --> 00:13:14,668
Wonder why you
don't see more of these.
310
00:13:19,631 --> 00:13:20,757
Why didn't you
tell me about this?
311
00:13:20,757 --> 00:13:22,051
I didn't know.
Why didn't you tell me?
312
00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:24,094
Oh, well, you know
you can't keep a secret.
313
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:25,679
I can't keep a secret?
314
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:29,224
I'm keeping a secret that
can blow this party wide open.
315
00:13:29,224 --> 00:13:30,350
Quiet, everybody.
316
00:13:30,350 --> 00:13:31,936
I think Drew's coming out.
317
00:13:36,189 --> 00:13:37,107
Yeah, that's right, Mimi.
318
00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:38,609
I'm gay.
319
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:40,861
As far as you're
concerned, I'm gay.
320
00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:43,822
Now, I guess all
that's left is to...
321
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:44,823
Get Kate in that dress
322
00:13:44,823 --> 00:13:46,116
and we're right back.
323
00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:47,117
Well, why are
you going with her?
324
00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:48,535
Uh, I've to change too and, uh...
325
00:13:48,535 --> 00:13:49,912
I gotta make sure
that she doesn't, uh
326
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:51,413
jump out of her bathroom window.
327
00:13:54,249 --> 00:13:55,334
Quick, jump out
the bathroom window.
328
00:13:57,669 --> 00:13:59,004
What am I gonna do?
329
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:00,589
I-I can't hurt him
in front of all these people.
330
00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:01,632
I'm just gonna
go through with it.
331
00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:02,966
What?
332
00:14:02,966 --> 00:14:04,259
Yeah. We'll get married.
333
00:14:04,259 --> 00:14:06,303
I'll learn to love him.
334
00:14:06,303 --> 00:14:07,637
Oh wait, yeah,
just like you learned to...
335
00:14:07,637 --> 00:14:08,930
...play guitar, speak Spanish
336
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:10,099
and be a ventriloquist.
337
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,101
Did you ever do
any of those things?
338
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:13,602
Si, senor.
339
00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:16,981
See, I didn't even
see your lips move
340
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:19,607
'cause I'm blinded by the
insanity of this whole thing.
341
00:14:19,607 --> 00:14:20,984
Why, if the shoe's
on the other foot
342
00:14:20,984 --> 00:14:22,486
I'd plaster a smile on my face
343
00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:24,237
and walk your
sorry ass down the aisle.
344
00:14:24,237 --> 00:14:26,364
Oh, fine, I'll just stand by
345
00:14:26,364 --> 00:14:27,449
while you go out there
and make the biggest
346
00:14:27,449 --> 00:14:28,950
mistake of your life.
347
00:14:28,950 --> 00:14:30,536
Oh, thank you.
348
00:14:32,245 --> 00:14:33,622
(Lewis)
'So, when you think about it..'
349
00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,582
Kissing is just
pressing your lips
350
00:14:35,582 --> 00:14:38,210
to the sweet end
of 66 feet of intestines.
351
00:14:41,588 --> 00:14:42,631
[indistinct mumbling]
352
00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:46,426
Lewis...
353
00:14:46,426 --> 00:14:47,719
...we gotta stop the wedding.
354
00:14:47,719 --> 00:14:49,263
Alright.
355
00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:51,681
Don't you wanna know why?
356
00:14:51,681 --> 00:14:54,309
Look, Drew, this maybe
way off base, but...
357
00:14:54,309 --> 00:14:55,603
Does it have anything
to do with the fact
358
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:57,854
that Oswald is a man-child
359
00:14:57,854 --> 00:15:00,648
stuck in a kind
of prolonged adolescence
360
00:15:00,648 --> 00:15:02,943
and while that may have
appealed to Kate at first
361
00:15:02,943 --> 00:15:05,571
ultimately, she realized she
needed someone more challenging
362
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:08,949
to what she perceives
as her intellect.
363
00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:11,534
Wow.
364
00:15:11,534 --> 00:15:13,495
When did ya
come up with that.
365
00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:15,581
Do you believe
in magic cheese, Drew?
366
00:15:30,678 --> 00:15:32,222
Kate...
367
00:15:32,222 --> 00:15:35,725
Oh, it's just one beer.
I'm a little nervous.
368
00:15:35,725 --> 00:15:37,227
Honey...
369
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:39,771
...I love my kid.
370
00:15:39,771 --> 00:15:41,356
But when you're
marrying a Harvey
371
00:15:41,356 --> 00:15:42,942
it doesn't hurt to have
a couple of drinks in ya.
372
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:46,277
Thanks for understanding.
373
00:15:46,277 --> 00:15:47,529
Here's to moms.
374
00:15:49,906 --> 00:15:51,366
Think about this...
375
00:15:51,366 --> 00:15:54,494
You'll never be alone again.
376
00:15:54,494 --> 00:15:56,914
He'll be there when
you wake up in the morning
377
00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:59,833
and when you go to bed at night.
378
00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:02,086
For the rest of your life.
379
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:04,922
Yeah, I need more beer.
380
00:16:08,883 --> 00:16:13,388
Oh, look at you
blubberin' like a baby.
381
00:16:13,388 --> 00:16:15,473
As much as I like sitting
out there making monkey chat
382
00:16:15,473 --> 00:16:16,933
with your loser
friends and relatives
383
00:16:16,933 --> 00:16:18,852
let's get this show on a roll.
384
00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:22,940
Just a second.
385
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:27,194
Geez, now you
smudged your make-up.
386
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,946
Come here, princess.
387
00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,197
I'll take care of it.
388
00:16:33,366 --> 00:16:35,368
Couple of blasts of this sealer
389
00:16:35,368 --> 00:16:37,371
and you'll be gorgeous again.
390
00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:39,580
Look, I'll take
care of her make-up.
391
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:41,374
You just go back
to making balloon animals
392
00:16:41,374 --> 00:16:43,127
and entertaining the kids.
393
00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:49,299
I ain't a clown, truck-stop.
394
00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:53,887
Good luck. Best wishes.
395
00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:55,055
Let's get out there
and pledge your life
396
00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:57,182
to dead-brain walking.
397
00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:58,851
Hey.
398
00:17:00,268 --> 00:17:02,353
I'm his mother.
399
00:17:02,353 --> 00:17:04,106
Well, then you know.
400
00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:11,446
(All)
Aw.
401
00:17:11,446 --> 00:17:13,072
Kate, you're...
402
00:17:13,072 --> 00:17:14,408
...about to walk down the
aisle with an empty beer bottle.
403
00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:16,660
What does that tell you?
404
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:18,578
Look at her,
she's so beautiful.
405
00:17:18,578 --> 00:17:20,289
I can't help myself.
406
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,999
Kate, I want to ask you
in front of all these people.
407
00:17:22,999 --> 00:17:24,710
Will you marry me?
408
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:27,170
Oh, no, a drunken
English guy crossed your path
409
00:17:27,170 --> 00:17:29,589
you can't get married
today, that's bad luck.
410
00:17:29,589 --> 00:17:31,299
Please.
411
00:17:31,299 --> 00:17:32,884
You can't just grab something
412
00:17:32,884 --> 00:17:34,469
and force it to love you.
413
00:17:34,469 --> 00:17:36,221
Now get over here,
'cause you're with me.
414
00:17:44,145 --> 00:17:45,189
Are we ready to begin?
415
00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:48,859
Catherine and Oswald
have asked that the ceremony
416
00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:51,612
be brief and,
in their own words
417
00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:54,406
"Let's do the vows
and grill us some cows."
418
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:57,867
My only concern is that
419
00:17:57,867 --> 00:17:59,953
the marriage is long,
not the ceremony
420
00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:03,623
and so I'll ask them now
to recite their own vows.
421
00:18:03,623 --> 00:18:05,292
- Oswald?
- Well, Katie bear, I...
422
00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:07,710
I found a note that I wrote
to Lewis in the sixth grade
423
00:18:07,710 --> 00:18:09,588
and I-I think
it still applies today.
424
00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:13,633
"Hey, dude.
Missed you last night.
425
00:18:13,633 --> 00:18:15,885
"Mom taught us
how to do the hustle.
426
00:18:15,885 --> 00:18:18,138
"Weirdest thing is, after
everybody else went to bed
427
00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:21,016
"I slow danced with Kate
and it, and it just felt right.
428
00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:23,059
"Someday I'd like to marry her.
429
00:18:23,059 --> 00:18:25,020
"Or that chick from
Poseidon Adventure."
430
00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:28,774
Oswald.
P.S. Foghat forever."
431
00:18:30,358 --> 00:18:32,402
And Kate, do you
have anything to say?
432
00:18:32,402 --> 00:18:34,779
Wait.
433
00:18:34,779 --> 00:18:37,490
I can't hold back any longer.
434
00:18:37,490 --> 00:18:38,825
Drew and I have
an important announcement
435
00:18:38,825 --> 00:18:40,369
that we must reveal this time.
436
00:18:42,328 --> 00:18:43,622
Take it, Drew.
437
00:18:46,958 --> 00:18:49,752
Someone in this
backyard is a murderer.
438
00:18:49,752 --> 00:18:51,171
[gasping]
439
00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:53,840
Touch nothing.
440
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,467
Okay, now.
441
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:58,428
I'm going to shut
the lights off for 30 seconds
442
00:18:58,428 --> 00:18:59,721
and in that time...
443
00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:01,347
I expect the murderer
444
00:19:01,347 --> 00:19:05,560
or murderess... to get
the hell out of here.
445
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,521
I'm saying
my vows now, Drew.
446
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:14,569
Oswald, you're my best friend
447
00:19:14,569 --> 00:19:16,154
and I hope you'll
always be my best friend
448
00:19:16,154 --> 00:19:17,822
no matter what.
449
00:19:17,822 --> 00:19:19,575
Oswald, do you have the ring?
450
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:24,454
- You want the ring?
- Yeah.
451
00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:25,705
Well, here's the ring. Whoa.
452
00:19:25,705 --> 00:19:26,706
- There's the ring.
- Hey, hey.
453
00:19:26,706 --> 00:19:28,083
There's the ring.
454
00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:29,459
Lewis, go long...
455
00:19:29,459 --> 00:19:30,501
- And then run to a pawn shop.
- Right.
456
00:19:30,501 --> 00:19:32,128
Hey, guys.
457
00:19:32,128 --> 00:19:35,548
We're right in the middle
of my wedding ceremony!
458
00:19:35,548 --> 00:19:37,175
Well, okay. For a minute.
459
00:19:37,175 --> 00:19:39,344
Knock it off.
460
00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:40,679
Drew Allison Carey
461
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:42,930
you give Oswald
that ring back right now.
462
00:19:42,930 --> 00:19:44,766
Drew Allison Carey?
463
00:19:44,766 --> 00:19:46,643
Jeez, all three
of his names are girl names.
464
00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:52,982
It's okay, mom.
We're just foolin' around.
465
00:19:52,982 --> 00:19:55,193
It's like when they
Keep Away with my report card
466
00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:57,112
'cause they know
I wasn't gonna graduate.
467
00:19:57,112 --> 00:19:58,571
This is our way
of protecting each other
468
00:19:58,571 --> 00:20:00,240
when we know
something bad is gonna happen.
469
00:20:02,992 --> 00:20:05,411
Uh-oh.
470
00:20:05,411 --> 00:20:07,623
I'm sorry, Oswald,
I can't marry you.
471
00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:09,666
Louder!
472
00:20:12,669 --> 00:20:13,795
If you threw
your make-up down
473
00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:15,297
you could've heard
her the first time.
474
00:20:21,344 --> 00:20:23,429
Uh, obviously...
475
00:20:23,429 --> 00:20:26,557
I can say there isn't gonna
be a wedding here today, so...
476
00:20:26,557 --> 00:20:28,268
But, I'd like you
all to stay, and...
477
00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:30,353
And celebrate
what I hope would be
478
00:20:30,353 --> 00:20:31,688
Kate and my...
479
00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:34,023
...continued friendship.
480
00:20:34,023 --> 00:20:35,525
I'd like to...
481
00:20:35,525 --> 00:20:37,819
...thank all of you
for your affection and support.
482
00:20:38,903 --> 00:20:40,863
Thanks for understanding.
483
00:20:40,863 --> 00:20:43,658
I can afford to be dignified,
because in about 30 seconds
484
00:20:43,658 --> 00:20:45,285
my mom's gonna kick your ass.
485
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:49,372
Katie...
486
00:20:49,372 --> 00:20:50,791
...can I talk to ya?
487
00:20:52,625 --> 00:20:54,628
Hey, a fight's
as good as a wedding.
488
00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:56,129
(All)
Fight, fight, fight, fight...
489
00:20:59,924 --> 00:21:01,676
Don't go beating
yourself up, Katie.
490
00:21:01,676 --> 00:21:04,387
There's no good way
to get out of a wedding.
491
00:21:04,387 --> 00:21:06,389
I just hope he's
having fun on the honeymoon.
492
00:21:06,389 --> 00:21:08,557
Well...
493
00:21:08,557 --> 00:21:10,059
...he's got Lewis
and Drew with him.
494
00:21:10,059 --> 00:21:11,394
(McNabb)
'Kate..'
495
00:21:11,394 --> 00:21:13,730
Did you say the boys
were going to Tamarindo?
496
00:21:13,730 --> 00:21:15,273
'According to the news here'
497
00:21:15,273 --> 00:21:17,067
there's some kinda
problem going on down there.
498
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,321
[gunfire and explosions]
499
00:21:22,905 --> 00:21:24,533
Did someone just say,
"Pass the lotion?"
500
00:21:27,118 --> 00:21:29,162
Hey, they're
announcing the winner
501
00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:30,663
of the Drew Carey
Show April Fools contest.
502
00:21:30,663 --> 00:21:32,123
(man on radio)
'And the grand prize winner'
503
00:21:32,123 --> 00:21:34,959
'of the $25,000,
and a trip to Los Angeles'
504
00:21:34,959 --> 00:21:36,794
'to be on the Drew Carey Show'
505
00:21:36,794 --> 00:21:39,672
'is Dan Dobner,
from Seville, Ohio.'
506
00:21:39,672 --> 00:21:42,675
'And the first prize, all
expenses paid trip to Cleveland'
507
00:21:42,675 --> 00:21:45,804
'goes to Mary Teresa Herren,
from Louisville, Ohio.'
508
00:21:45,804 --> 00:21:47,389
'Congratulations to them'
509
00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:48,723
'and to the other 400'
510
00:21:48,723 --> 00:21:51,809
'Drew Carey
special prize winners.'
511
00:21:51,809 --> 00:21:53,394
So, we didn't win.
512
00:21:53,394 --> 00:21:55,229
We're in paradise.
513
00:21:55,229 --> 00:21:56,857
[gunfire]
34017
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