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1
00:00:01,208 --> 00:00:02,418
(Lewis)
So, uh, if this all works out...
2
00:00:02,418 --> 00:00:04,003
- That'd be your bedroom.
- Yeah.
3
00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:05,463
You know, we're not just
talking about roommates here.
4
00:00:05,463 --> 00:00:06,756
We're talking about
a partnership.
5
00:00:06,756 --> 00:00:08,341
Are you ready for
that kind of commitment?
6
00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:10,176
[chuckles]
Who's he?
7
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:11,928
- Uh, he-he's my ex.
- Huh?
8
00:00:11,928 --> 00:00:13,054
- Roommate, roommate.
- Oh.
9
00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:14,847
He's, uh, he's moved on
10
00:00:14,847 --> 00:00:16,515
but we're still social.
11
00:00:16,515 --> 00:00:18,351
Well, I'm just looking
for place to, you know
12
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:20,895
drink beer,
shoot pool, hang out.
13
00:00:20,895 --> 00:00:22,396
Oh, if you like to drink beer
14
00:00:22,396 --> 00:00:24,441
you've come to
the right place, my friend. Heh.
15
00:00:25,941 --> 00:00:26,901
[mumbles]
Come on.
16
00:00:29,695 --> 00:00:32,032
Tim! Let there be beer!
17
00:00:34,491 --> 00:00:35,701
And it was good.
18
00:00:35,701 --> 00:00:38,329
Wow! You're right over a bar!
19
00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:40,831
He's gonna raid over a blonde.
20
00:00:40,831 --> 00:00:43,209
Uh, scatter frosty mug.
21
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:46,087
I'll bet she could
make my sloe gin fizz.
22
00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:47,463
[laughs]
23
00:00:47,463 --> 00:00:48,965
You got that right.
24
00:00:48,965 --> 00:00:50,008
(Lewis)
'Oh.'
25
00:00:52,468 --> 00:00:54,095
Well, thanks for coming.
26
00:00:55,012 --> 00:00:55,972
We'll let you know.
27
00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:00,143
Thank you. Thank you.
28
00:01:01,977 --> 00:01:03,813
That's the fifth guy
you've turned away.
29
00:01:03,813 --> 00:01:06,190
Uh, he didn't have
a brain in his head.
30
00:01:06,190 --> 00:01:07,776
How long do you think
you can live with that?
31
00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:13,322
- You're right. Heh-he.
- Ha-ha.
32
00:01:13,322 --> 00:01:15,616
Him and his stupid jokes.
33
00:01:15,616 --> 00:01:18,619
"Sloe gin fizz." I'd like to
twist his top off, pour him out.
34
00:01:18,619 --> 00:01:20,205
[laughing]
35
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:21,873
If you can bottle that and get
another guy to drink it...
36
00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:23,457
- I'd have a new roommate.
- Ha-ha.
37
00:01:23,457 --> 00:01:24,500
[knock on door]
38
00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:25,543
- Door.
- Door.
39
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:32,967
♪ Oh Danny boy ♪
40
00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:34,761
♪ The pipes ♪
41
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,138
[groans]
42
00:01:38,138 --> 00:01:39,849
Hey, Lewis. Did you
order a drunken idiot?
43
00:01:40,933 --> 00:01:43,561
Out of my way, Hardly Boys.
44
00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:45,229
This is an emergency.
45
00:01:45,229 --> 00:01:48,274
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't leave your empties here.
46
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:49,817
Yeah, take him back
to your house.
47
00:01:49,817 --> 00:01:51,736
Yeah, can't you, uh,
scratch out an extra room
48
00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:52,903
with your hind claws?
49
00:01:52,903 --> 00:01:54,322
[laughing]
50
00:01:56,073 --> 00:01:57,283
The spin is rooming.
51
00:01:59,702 --> 00:02:01,746
Well, I'm out of here.
I'm gonna go back downstairs
52
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:03,164
and find Mr. Right.
53
00:02:09,211 --> 00:02:11,339
Anyone named Mr. Right, run!
54
00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:18,220
Hi, you mind if I, uh, sit here?
55
00:02:18,220 --> 00:02:19,764
No, sit.
56
00:02:19,764 --> 00:02:21,349
My lucky chair.
57
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:22,725
One night I sat in here
all night drinking
58
00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:23,809
and I didn't fall out of it.
59
00:02:23,809 --> 00:02:25,520
[laughs]
60
00:02:27,229 --> 00:02:30,065
Yeah, I'm kind of a regular
here. It's my second home.
61
00:02:30,065 --> 00:02:31,776
So, I guess you drink a lot.
62
00:02:32,901 --> 00:02:34,403
Only enough to kill the pain.
63
00:02:34,403 --> 00:02:36,197
[laughing]
64
00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:38,449
See, uh, normally I play
this out a little longer
65
00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:40,284
but I better
stop you right now.
66
00:02:40,284 --> 00:02:41,410
Oh, you got a boyfriend, huh?
67
00:02:41,410 --> 00:02:43,203
No, I'm a professional.
68
00:02:43,203 --> 00:02:44,997
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm probably
scaring away business.
69
00:02:44,997 --> 00:02:46,040
Uh--
70
00:02:47,291 --> 00:02:49,168
I'm a dating consultant.
71
00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:50,795
Yeah, yeah. I hear ya.
Everybody wants a title.
72
00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:52,880
[stutters]
No.
73
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:56,467
What I do is, watch your social
intercourse and evaluate it.
74
00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:58,344
Let me ask you straight out.
Are you a hooker or not?
75
00:02:58,344 --> 00:03:00,430
[laughing]
76
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,098
It's a-it's a shame
for you I'm not.
77
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:04,601
Because your approach with women
would work well on hookers.
78
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:08,062
What's a "Evaludate?"
79
00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:09,938
Wow, you really are
like a dating consultant.
80
00:03:09,938 --> 00:03:12,691
Hmm-mm. It's only $250
for a six week course.
81
00:03:12,691 --> 00:03:14,943
If you're interested,
give us a call.
82
00:03:14,943 --> 00:03:19,281
Listen, Drew Carey does not pay
$250 to learn how to meet women.
83
00:03:19,281 --> 00:03:20,825
Drew Carey meets one woman
84
00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:22,952
spends a $1000 on
an engagement ring for her.
85
00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:25,788
She dumps him and he comes here.
That's what Drew Carey does.
86
00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:27,456
[Nigel screaming]
87
00:03:27,456 --> 00:03:28,499
[crashing]
88
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:30,418
What the...
89
00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:43,473
Lewis, there's something
terribly wrong with your toilet.
90
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:49,478
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
91
00:03:49,478 --> 00:03:51,481
♪ Ah ♪
92
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:54,609
♪ All this energy callin' me ♪
93
00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:56,402
♪ Back where it comes from ♪
94
00:03:57,903 --> 00:04:00,949
♪ It's such a crude attitude ♪
95
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,868
♪ It's back where it belongs ♪
96
00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:06,704
♪ All the little chicks
with their crimson lips ♪
97
00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:10,333
♪ Go Cleveland rocks
Cleveland rocks ♪
98
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:13,168
♪ Livin' in sin
with a safety pin ♪
99
00:04:13,168 --> 00:04:16,797
♪ Go Cleveland rocks
Cleveland rocks ♪
100
00:04:16,797 --> 00:04:23,387
♪ Cleveland rocks
Cleveland rocks ♪
101
00:04:23,387 --> 00:04:26,598
♪ Cleveland rocks ♪
102
00:04:26,598 --> 00:04:28,434
[echoing]
Ohio!
103
00:04:31,061 --> 00:04:33,106
[instrumental music]
104
00:04:35,232 --> 00:04:38,986
I can't believe, it's 8 o'clock
on a Saturday night...
105
00:04:38,986 --> 00:04:41,072
...and I'm already done
with my ironing.
106
00:04:43,991 --> 00:04:46,202
Oh, what am I saying?
I'm not done.
107
00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:51,791
[knocking on door]
108
00:04:53,417 --> 00:04:55,085
Hey, Drew.
109
00:04:55,085 --> 00:04:56,462
Whatcha doing?
110
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:58,964
Oh, you know, guy stuff.
Watching a war movie.
111
00:04:58,964 --> 00:05:00,300
Is that "Shirley Temple?"
112
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:02,885
Uh-huh.
113
00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:04,887
Her dad's a confederate officer
114
00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:06,805
and that guy is a union soldier.
115
00:05:06,805 --> 00:05:09,225
And Shirley is the spunky
little ragamuffin
116
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:10,518
who just might
bring 'em together.
117
00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:14,772
Wow! Look at her little legs go.
118
00:05:14,772 --> 00:05:16,107
[inaudible clapping]
119
00:05:18,442 --> 00:05:21,154
It's Saturday night and you're
watching "Shirley Temple."
120
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,321
That must mean, it's...
121
00:05:22,321 --> 00:05:23,740
Yeah, it's quarter to sad.
122
00:05:26,742 --> 00:05:29,370
Hey, believe me, if I had
something better to do...
123
00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:32,999
Hey, did you ever hear this
place, uh, "Evaludate?"
124
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,584
I'm thinking of
checking them out.
125
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,752
Two hundred and fifty bucks?
126
00:05:36,752 --> 00:05:38,921
Geez, I would tell my bad
dates what was wrong with them
127
00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:41,591
just for a dinner and a movie.
128
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,760
Well, there's dinner,
there's a movie. Let's go.
129
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:47,180
Okay. Let's pretend...
130
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,181
...we're on a first date.
131
00:05:49,181 --> 00:05:51,392
It's that awkward time
before they bring the menus
132
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:52,560
where we have
to make small talk.
133
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,062
[plastic crackling]
Okay.
134
00:05:55,187 --> 00:05:56,814
What do you say?
135
00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:58,983
If you don't have sex with me,
then I'm gonna blow my head off.
136
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,240
See, I wouldn't call
attention to your head.
137
00:06:08,242 --> 00:06:10,078
Right. Got it. Okay, uh...
138
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:12,997
Gee, you look lovely.
139
00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:14,873
And I really like your
haircut that way.
140
00:06:14,873 --> 00:06:16,500
- Thank you.
- 'Yeah.'
141
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:18,877
You can see a lot
more of your face now.
142
00:06:18,877 --> 00:06:20,838
[stammering]
Excuse me?
143
00:06:20,838 --> 00:06:24,133
Are you saying I got
a lot of face?
144
00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:27,178
No, I'm just saying it stands
out more now with the hair.
145
00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:28,971
Are you saying
I got a big a face
146
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:30,681
and it's like bursting
out of my hair?
147
00:06:32,391 --> 00:06:34,268
No, your face is
in perfect proportion
148
00:06:34,268 --> 00:06:36,020
to the rest of your body.
149
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:38,272
So, now you're saying
I got a big ass?
150
00:06:41,650 --> 00:06:45,112
'Cause we know
I got the big face.
151
00:06:45,112 --> 00:06:47,907
Listen, you got a perfect
face, a beautiful body. Just...
152
00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:51,244
Come on, let me see that big old
Jack-o'lantern smile of yours.
153
00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:54,497
I can't believe in 30 seconds
154
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,165
you made me crazy
about the way I look.
155
00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:58,167
Is this what you've
been doing to women?
156
00:06:58,167 --> 00:07:01,212
You need professional help.
You should go to Evaludate.
157
00:07:02,838 --> 00:07:03,964
Good thing I didn't
say anything about those
158
00:07:03,964 --> 00:07:05,466
toboggans she calls feet.
159
00:07:08,343 --> 00:07:09,762
As big as my foot might be
160
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:11,472
I might loose it
where I'm about to bury it.
161
00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:16,102
[instrumental music]
162
00:07:18,228 --> 00:07:19,730
- Hey, doofus.
- Hey, freakshow.
163
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,276
You know, I've been
meaning to talk to you
164
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,152
about you marrying O'Brien.
165
00:07:25,152 --> 00:07:26,653
I think she's in love with Drew.
166
00:07:26,653 --> 00:07:29,031
What? What makes you say that?
167
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:32,535
Well, I saw them going at it
in the copy room, stark naked.
168
00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:35,495
I think it was Kate under there.
169
00:07:35,495 --> 00:07:37,039
All I saw were
two hands sticking out
170
00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:38,124
from underneath him going...
171
00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:42,545
Well, that's what
my Katey Bear does.
172
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,130
Oh. Oh.
173
00:07:45,130 --> 00:07:47,049
Oh, well, there's
my date. Gotta go.
174
00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:48,383
Wait.
175
00:07:48,383 --> 00:07:50,260
You can't just walk
away after saying that.
176
00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:53,431
Yes, I can. It was just stuff
I made up to screw with you.
177
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,349
Now that I know what
O'Brien does in bed
178
00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:56,976
I'm gonna use it
against her at work.
179
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,019
Thanks, doofus.
180
00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:02,648
Drew. Relax. Relax.
181
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:04,942
Joining Evaludate is gonna be
the best money you ever spent.
182
00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:06,902
I hope so, because my
date's right over there.
183
00:08:06,902 --> 00:08:08,654
Now, listen. How do you
actually observe the date?
184
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:10,114
I mean, do you have
to sit at the table with me
185
00:08:10,114 --> 00:08:11,156
or do I have to
strike out so loud
186
00:08:11,156 --> 00:08:12,366
you can hear me in the back?
187
00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:13,534
[chuckles]
No.
188
00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:14,952
Just tell her that we're...
189
00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:16,370
...we're out of town
business associates
190
00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:17,955
and you don't know us that well.
191
00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:19,623
Okay, huh.
192
00:08:19,623 --> 00:08:21,625
- Hi, Robin. How are you?
- Hey. Good to see you.
193
00:08:21,625 --> 00:08:23,335
This is Sue and Bill. They're...
194
00:08:23,335 --> 00:08:24,462
...my out of town
business associates.
195
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:25,588
I don't know them that well.
196
00:08:28,965 --> 00:08:31,176
You look lovely.
197
00:08:31,176 --> 00:08:33,137
I compare you to
the other women in the room
198
00:08:33,137 --> 00:08:34,388
but I can't even see them.
199
00:08:34,388 --> 00:08:36,473
[chuckles]
Drew. That's so sweet.
200
00:08:36,473 --> 00:08:38,017
(Drew)
'How about we
order us some drinks?'
201
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:40,686
Oh. Uh, I don't drink.
202
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:42,437
Oh, I guess I got my
work cut out for me, huh?
203
00:08:42,437 --> 00:08:43,564
[laughs]
204
00:08:47,859 --> 00:08:50,988
♪ I can go the bath
with the door open ♪
205
00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:53,282
♪ I live all alone ♪
206
00:08:53,282 --> 00:08:54,700
[toilet flushing]
207
00:08:57,411 --> 00:09:00,205
♪ I can walk on the couch ♪
208
00:09:00,205 --> 00:09:01,541
♪ And no one yells at me ♪
209
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,251
♪ No one no one
no one no one ♪
210
00:09:05,461 --> 00:09:07,421
♪ I can drink milk
from the carton ♪
211
00:09:07,421 --> 00:09:09,257
♪ 'Cause no one's here to care ♪
212
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,259
Oh.
213
00:09:12,259 --> 00:09:13,302
[spitting]
214
00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:15,930
"Expired in March."
215
00:09:17,180 --> 00:09:18,640
♪ Never drink milk ♪
216
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:19,850
♪ Always stick to beer ♪
217
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,351
[knock on door]
218
00:09:21,351 --> 00:09:22,686
♪ Who's that? Who's that?
Who's that? ♪
219
00:09:22,686 --> 00:09:23,729
♪ Who's that? Who's that? ♪
220
00:09:28,650 --> 00:09:29,860
Lewis, old boy.
221
00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:32,780
This is my friend, Burbary.
222
00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:34,907
Would you mind sitting over
here for a moment my dear
223
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,617
while I talk
to my friend, Lewis?
224
00:09:39,369 --> 00:09:40,662
What are you doing here?
225
00:09:40,662 --> 00:09:42,331
Uh, do you mind if I crash
at your place again?
226
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,875
I believe I'm too
inebriated to drive.
227
00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:46,293
Oh, no, you just
wanna use my bedroom
228
00:09:46,293 --> 00:09:48,378
to have a one night stand. No.
229
00:09:48,378 --> 00:09:50,005
One night? That's
quite a commitment.
230
00:09:50,005 --> 00:09:52,133
I was thinking just
maybe an hour or two.
231
00:09:53,425 --> 00:09:54,843
No, I don't want
strangers having sex
232
00:09:54,843 --> 00:09:56,470
in my bed unless
I'm one of them.
233
00:10:03,602 --> 00:10:05,020
Would, uh...
234
00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:07,606
...fifty dollars
change your mind?
235
00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:08,899
Twenty bucks would
change my mind.
236
00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:10,443
Fifty gets you a photographer.
237
00:10:13,237 --> 00:10:14,780
A hundred gets you
no photography.
238
00:10:17,324 --> 00:10:19,410
[instrumental music]
239
00:10:25,540 --> 00:10:27,626
[door opens]
240
00:10:27,626 --> 00:10:30,421
Oh, man. Listen, this
is probably not Evaludate.
241
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,381
- I-I-I wanna go home.
- No.
242
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:33,758
Drew, you are home.
243
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,177
Oh.
244
00:10:37,177 --> 00:10:38,554
Excuse me.
245
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,264
But I think you're
as beautiful as Emissary Dax
246
00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:41,348
on "Deep Space Nine."
247
00:10:41,348 --> 00:10:42,766
Thank you.
248
00:10:42,766 --> 00:10:44,894
Don't be such a spod,
Dax is a hot chick
249
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:47,020
with an old man
worming her head. Okay.
250
00:10:47,020 --> 00:10:50,065
All I'm saying, Twink,
that she's in 7-of-9's league.
251
00:10:50,065 --> 00:10:53,068
Yeah, well, 7-of-9 couldn't
carry your cybernetic implant.
252
00:10:53,068 --> 00:10:55,237
Okay. Well, I can listen to this
253
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:56,655
for about, oh, two minutes.
254
00:10:56,655 --> 00:10:58,324
And I just did. So, goodbye.
255
00:10:58,324 --> 00:10:59,367
- Uh--
- No.
256
00:11:02,786 --> 00:11:03,954
So, uh, what's a guy
like you need to take
257
00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:05,705
a dating class for, huh?
258
00:11:05,705 --> 00:11:07,875
Oh, who me? I'm-I'm one of
those guys who doesn't realize
259
00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:09,543
how... attractive they are.
260
00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:11,003
- Oh.
- Yeah.
261
00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:12,838
That's what
my mom says about me. Heh.
262
00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,507
Wouldn't it be great
if you could marry your mom?
263
00:11:17,258 --> 00:11:19,261
I'm sorry. I can't hear you
in my force field.
264
00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:20,304
Huh?
265
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,558
Oh. Uh, hello. Hi.
266
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:28,228
(Sue)
Class, I would like to welcome
267
00:11:28,228 --> 00:11:30,564
all of our returning members
back to Evaludate.
268
00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:32,524
Um, tonight we have
a new member, Drew.
269
00:11:32,524 --> 00:11:34,735
Would you like to stand up and
introduce yourself to the group?
270
00:11:36,236 --> 00:11:37,780
Not for all
the money on the world.
271
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,200
Okay, let's start
with the progress report
272
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,869
from one of our
returning students.
273
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:46,747
Who would like to tell us
about a date they've had?
274
00:11:46,747 --> 00:11:48,624
- 'Theodore.'
- Yeah. Ahem.
275
00:11:50,208 --> 00:11:52,252
Um, I, uh...
276
00:11:52,252 --> 00:11:54,463
I-I asked out this
girl who I work with.
277
00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:56,173
Um, took her to an IMAX movie.
278
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:57,967
Um, "History of Flights."
279
00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,843
- Hey, I've taken dates there.
- 'Yeah.'
280
00:11:59,843 --> 00:12:00,886
Oh, man.
281
00:12:03,722 --> 00:12:06,057
Then I brought her to dinner
and I did this staring thing
282
00:12:06,057 --> 00:12:09,144
that you taught us
but I don't think she liked it.
283
00:12:09,144 --> 00:12:12,355
I-t's not staring. It's making
eye contact for five seconds.
284
00:12:12,355 --> 00:12:13,774
It establishes a connection.
285
00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:15,400
Oh, well, I-I thought if, um...
286
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,360
...yeah I-I thought if uh,
for five seconds was good
287
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:19,488
then five minutes,
she'll be all over me, mm?
288
00:12:21,114 --> 00:12:22,283
Uh-huh. Okay.
289
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,701
Well, thanks. Thanks.
290
00:12:24,701 --> 00:12:28,872
Uh, who can tell me what
mistake Theodore made? Drew.
291
00:12:28,872 --> 00:12:30,540
You don't stare at
anything for five minutes
292
00:12:30,540 --> 00:12:32,835
unless it's a rattlesnake
or a pie waiting to cool.
293
00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:37,256
Would you mind if we went
over the date I observed
294
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:39,007
to teach the class a few things?
295
00:12:39,007 --> 00:12:40,634
Oh, you wanna use
me as an example?
296
00:12:40,634 --> 00:12:42,511
- Yeah.
- Oh.
297
00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:44,555
[chuckles]
I can see why, I mean...
298
00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:47,807
Kinda like a magician showing
the audiences tricks, but, uh...
299
00:12:47,807 --> 00:12:50,060
Yeah, what the heck? Alright.
300
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:53,355
Good. Because we had a hidden
camera and I videotaped it.
301
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:54,398
What?
302
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:58,694
Past 11 years at
the same crappy job
303
00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:00,446
and I still
haven't saved a dime.
304
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:05,200
Don't stop it there.
I mean, rewind it a little bit.
305
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,036
You'll see that she asks me
306
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,537
how come my suit looks so cheap.
307
00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:10,789
And I was just
explaining to her.
308
00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:13,167
Well, but you could have
put a better spin on it.
309
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,835
Yeah, yeah. Spin, spin.
310
00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:16,294
I mean, that's like the first
thing that we learnt.
311
00:13:16,294 --> 00:13:19,005
Example, I am not
a video store clerk.
312
00:13:19,005 --> 00:13:20,257
I'm a film-brarian.
313
00:13:22,884 --> 00:13:25,012
So, let's see how
the rest of Drew's date went.
314
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,432
[tape forwarding]
315
00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:30,643
(Drew on TV)
Do you see anything?
I think I sat on something wet.
316
00:13:36,731 --> 00:13:38,275
I sat on some beer!
317
00:13:38,275 --> 00:13:40,694
I was just trying to
make sure that's what it was.
318
00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:42,821
You don't smell your pants
on a date, you Dortmunder.
319
00:13:42,821 --> 00:13:45,282
[snickers]
320
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:47,493
You call your mom and have
her bring you a fresh pair.
321
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:48,785
Do you believe this guy?
322
00:13:48,785 --> 00:13:50,746
[laughing]
323
00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:52,706
Class, class, Drew was nice
enough to let us use this
324
00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:54,165
as a teaching exercise.
325
00:13:54,165 --> 00:13:56,251
So, uh, there's
no need for name calling.
326
00:13:56,251 --> 00:13:58,628
Let's see how dinner went.
327
00:13:58,628 --> 00:14:00,380
Hey, uh, you know before
our salad's get here
328
00:14:00,380 --> 00:14:01,923
I was wondering, maybe,
uh, do you wanna
329
00:14:01,923 --> 00:14:03,508
go on another date,
tomorrow night?
330
00:14:03,508 --> 00:14:04,844
[scoffs]
Probably not.
331
00:14:09,973 --> 00:14:10,933
[fork thuds]
332
00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:21,026
Let's fast forward to dessert.
333
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:22,736
[tape forwarding]
334
00:14:29,993 --> 00:14:31,411
Okay.
335
00:14:31,411 --> 00:14:33,163
Anyone?
336
00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:36,083
You don't ask for another date
before the salad arrives.
337
00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:37,668
His head's too big.
338
00:14:39,711 --> 00:14:42,672
He looks like my dad.
339
00:14:42,672 --> 00:14:44,758
And-and now for
the goodnight kiss.
340
00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:49,053
You know damn well there was
no goodnight kiss, you bastards.
341
00:14:49,053 --> 00:14:51,348
I can't believe I'm paying good
money and if you might recall...
342
00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:54,142
...I haven't saved a dime, to
come here and get humiliated.
343
00:14:54,142 --> 00:14:56,061
Oh, man. My payday melted.
344
00:14:58,188 --> 00:15:01,108
[laughing]
345
00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:06,155
[laughing]
346
00:15:08,156 --> 00:15:09,324
Fine. Go ahead and laugh.
347
00:15:09,324 --> 00:15:10,993
But, you know,
I've been engaged.
348
00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:13,078
So if you've been engaged,
just keep on laughing.
349
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:14,454
[laughing continues]
350
00:15:14,454 --> 00:15:16,623
And we had sex!
351
00:15:16,623 --> 00:15:18,083
And it wasn't in a chatroom!
352
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,376
[laughter stops]
353
00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:26,675
I thought so.
354
00:15:31,554 --> 00:15:33,140
[instrumental music]
355
00:15:35,099 --> 00:15:38,062
Well, somebody's looking a
little down in the snout.
356
00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:40,855
What's the matter?
Did you just realize
357
00:15:40,855 --> 00:15:42,857
that BLT's are
made out of you?
358
00:15:42,857 --> 00:15:44,276
[laughs]
359
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:45,861
Look, I don't wanna argue, Mimi.
360
00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:48,280
I just got ripped off
by a dating place and...
361
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,448
...so just take your shots
and get out of your face.
362
00:15:50,448 --> 00:15:52,075
You mean get out of your face.
363
00:15:52,075 --> 00:15:53,118
No.
364
00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:58,123
You know, I never could relate
to those dating service things.
365
00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,832
I mean, every time
I break up with a guy
366
00:15:59,832 --> 00:16:02,169
I know there would be
ten more banging on my door.
367
00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:07,674
Gee, I wish I had a self esteem
as out of whack as yours.
368
00:16:07,674 --> 00:16:09,760
Fine. If you don't wanna
talk about it, okay.
369
00:16:11,177 --> 00:16:13,430
I'm s-I'm sorry. I just...
370
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:15,265
I'm beginning to doubt
everything about myself.
371
00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:17,267
I mean, first,
my engagement breaks off.
372
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:18,727
Then I get laughed out of
a dating class
373
00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:20,103
by a bunch of geeks.
I mean, I don't know
374
00:16:20,103 --> 00:16:21,855
what the hell is
wrong with me anymore.
375
00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:24,400
You're just having a tough
month, Drew. Stay strong.
376
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:28,570
Oh, thanks Mimi.
That's really...
377
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,322
Wait a second.
378
00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:33,283
You're being nice to me.
I can't have sunk that low.
379
00:16:33,283 --> 00:16:34,993
Come on, take a shot.
380
00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:36,787
Keep your chin up, Drew.
381
00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:38,706
You mean chins,
don't you? Chins up!
382
00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:40,833
Take care, buddy.
383
00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:46,130
Oh, yeah? I-I don't need you.
384
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:48,131
I-I don't need you to
call me fat-ass or stupid
385
00:16:48,131 --> 00:16:49,758
or impotent to feel
good about myself.
386
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:51,552
I can get a date
anytime I want to.
387
00:16:53,011 --> 00:16:54,138
Hi. How much
of that did you hear?
388
00:16:55,346 --> 00:16:57,266
[instrumental music]
389
00:16:59,726 --> 00:17:01,061
Look, I came to
the Better Business Bureau
390
00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:02,896
to put these people
out of business.
391
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:06,191
Look at this-this
so called home hair cutter.
392
00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:08,735
Look what it did to me.
393
00:17:08,735 --> 00:17:11,572
We'll contact the business
and if they don't respond
394
00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:13,364
we'll put them
on our warning list.
395
00:17:13,364 --> 00:17:14,408
Thank you.
396
00:17:20,288 --> 00:17:21,373
Don't worry, brother.
397
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:22,666
We're gonna get those bastards.
398
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:30,882
- Can I help you?
- Yeah, hi.
399
00:17:30,882 --> 00:17:32,634
My name is, uh, Drew and, uh...
400
00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:34,594
...it's this business
that made me a lot of promises
401
00:17:34,594 --> 00:17:37,055
they couldn't deliver and I-I
wanna get my money back. Ahem.
402
00:17:37,055 --> 00:17:38,640
What kind of business was this?
403
00:17:40,183 --> 00:17:41,643
Uh, hey. Can I...
404
00:17:41,643 --> 00:17:43,020
...maybe talk
to a guy about this?
405
00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:46,231
Oh...
406
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:49,568
Um, if this is about
the men's enhancement device...
407
00:17:51,277 --> 00:17:53,155
...we can refer you
to a team of doctors
408
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:55,491
who are working on
a special sling.
409
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:02,455
What? Oh, no. No.
410
00:18:02,455 --> 00:18:04,540
[sighs]
It was a... uh...
411
00:18:04,540 --> 00:18:06,126
It was this
dating consultant place.
412
00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:07,877
Uh, Evaludate.
413
00:18:07,877 --> 00:18:10,339
And it costs me 250 bucks.
I didn't learn a thing.
414
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:13,216
And it was just a lousy,
humiliating experience.
415
00:18:13,216 --> 00:18:15,093
Oh, you poor guy.
416
00:18:15,093 --> 00:18:16,761
You have no idea how poor.
417
00:18:16,761 --> 00:18:18,972
Been with the same crappy
job for 11 years, I s...
418
00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:20,598
...still haven't saved a dime.
419
00:18:20,598 --> 00:18:23,184
Psst. You're doing it again,
you idiot. She's cute.
420
00:18:23,184 --> 00:18:26,187
Don't put yourself
down. Spin. Spin.
421
00:18:26,187 --> 00:18:27,689
Uh, when I say
I haven't saved a dime
422
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:29,483
I meant, it's because
I poured all my money
423
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:32,277
into my business and
a very expensive operation
424
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:34,363
for my handicapped dog...
425
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:37,657
...who I-I love... very much.
426
00:18:37,657 --> 00:18:39,450
Aw!
427
00:18:39,450 --> 00:18:40,576
It worked.
428
00:18:40,576 --> 00:18:42,830
Chicks love dogs. Jump on her.
429
00:18:44,539 --> 00:18:45,790
Uh, I don't know
why I'm spending
430
00:18:45,790 --> 00:18:47,500
all this time
talking about myself.
431
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,419
[coughs]
432
00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:51,630
Ah, ah, ah! Don't look at it.
433
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:53,423
Just cross your legs
and wipe it on your sock.
434
00:18:58,345 --> 00:19:00,889
Uh, maybe we should
get back to your complaint.
435
00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:02,349
You're losing her.
436
00:19:02,349 --> 00:19:03,684
Do something from class.
437
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,394
Stare at her. Stare at her.
438
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:07,396
Uh, I'll tell you one thing
I have no complaints about
439
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:10,148
is those... blue eyes
of yours, um...
440
00:19:10,148 --> 00:19:11,900
[Drew chuckles]
'I'm sorry, it was just..'
441
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:14,277
...so pretty, it's distracting.
442
00:19:14,277 --> 00:19:16,112
(Drew)
One Mississippi.
443
00:19:16,112 --> 00:19:19,032
Two Mississippi.
444
00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:21,534
You know, from any other guy
that'd sound like a line
445
00:19:21,534 --> 00:19:24,120
but, from you, I think
you really mean it.
446
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:25,622
Thank you.
447
00:19:25,622 --> 00:19:28,250
(Drew)
Andfive Mississippi.
448
00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:34,172
Hey, uh, you know
I was just thinking, uh...
449
00:19:34,172 --> 00:19:36,132
...I haven't eaten yet. Maybe
you'd like to go to lunch.
450
00:19:36,132 --> 00:19:39,219
Actually, I-I brought
my lunch today.
451
00:19:39,219 --> 00:19:41,054
Oh, well. That's cool.
452
00:19:41,054 --> 00:19:42,722
Listen, just uh, here's my card.
453
00:19:42,722 --> 00:19:44,600
Just give me a call when
you hear from the company.
454
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:47,686
Uh, wait a minute.
455
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:50,689
It would be kind of nice
to get out. Do you mind?
456
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,065
No. Let's go.
457
00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:53,816
Should I bring these forms?
458
00:19:53,816 --> 00:19:55,151
[scoffs]
You know what?
459
00:19:55,151 --> 00:19:56,361
Life's too short
for that kind of stuff.
460
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:58,488
How about we just forget it?
461
00:19:58,488 --> 00:20:00,490
Man, I'm... really glad
this is working out.
462
00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:01,866
I was kind of worried
there for a second.
463
00:20:01,866 --> 00:20:03,159
I mean, I-I really
think we should make
464
00:20:03,159 --> 00:20:04,661
definite plans
for this weekend.
465
00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:06,663
We can go the Imax
and see "History of Flight."
466
00:20:06,663 --> 00:20:08,164
They have everything there
from the Wright Brothers
467
00:20:08,164 --> 00:20:10,250
all the way up
to the space shuttle.
468
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:11,668
I like to sit in the front row.
469
00:20:14,795 --> 00:20:17,841
You know I'm just
remembering an office rule.
470
00:20:17,841 --> 00:20:19,134
Employees can't date...
471
00:20:20,426 --> 00:20:22,095
- ...you!
- Sorry.
472
00:20:24,472 --> 00:20:27,392
[instrumental music]
473
00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:43,784
He... he's grinding me again.
474
00:20:46,077 --> 00:20:48,288
Theodore, don't
hold Drew so close.
475
00:20:56,379 --> 00:20:57,422
♪ I live all alone ♪
476
00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:59,757
♪ I can do whatever I want ♪
477
00:20:59,757 --> 00:21:01,342
[thudding]
478
00:21:01,342 --> 00:21:03,219
♪ I'm clearly five years old ♪
479
00:21:03,219 --> 00:21:04,929
♪ And pretending I'm a robot ♪
480
00:21:04,929 --> 00:21:06,555
[thuds]
481
00:21:06,555 --> 00:21:08,224
♪ And no one yells at me ♪
482
00:21:08,224 --> 00:21:09,767
[Lewis screams]
483
00:21:09,767 --> 00:21:12,020
[crashes]
484
00:21:13,104 --> 00:21:14,856
[clattering]
485
00:21:16,315 --> 00:21:17,567
- Hi, there.
- Hey.
486
00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:19,652
Hey. How's the roommate
hunt going, buddy?
487
00:21:19,652 --> 00:21:22,530
Oh, not too good. There's a
lot of real nut jobs out there.
488
00:21:22,530 --> 00:21:23,573
Yeah.
33371
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