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1
00:00:00,666 --> 00:00:02,126
Ninety seven...
2
00:00:02,126 --> 00:00:04,379
Ninety eight...
3
00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:05,421
Ninety nine...
4
00:00:05,421 --> 00:00:06,548
[knocking on door]
5
00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:09,217
Who is it?
6
00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:10,468
(female #1)
'Electrician.'
7
00:00:17,308 --> 00:00:19,728
The door was unlocked.
So I came right up.
8
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:22,980
Sorry I'm late, sir.
9
00:00:22,980 --> 00:00:24,983
You're my first job
since I got out
10
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:27,402
of an all women's prison.
11
00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:32,365
Boy, uh...
12
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:34,534
...is it hot in here.
13
00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:38,663
It's my gooseneck.
14
00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:39,956
It doesn't work anymore.
15
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,042
Maybe it needs a...
16
00:00:43,042 --> 00:00:44,377
...woman's touch.
17
00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:53,386
Have you tried
jiggling it a little?
18
00:00:55,888 --> 00:00:56,848
Constantly.
19
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,436
I hope all my jiggling
hasn't damaged it.
20
00:01:05,230 --> 00:01:06,983
Well, let's flip the switch...
21
00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:09,235
...and find out.
22
00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:12,029
[moaning]
23
00:01:12,029 --> 00:01:14,114
[soft music]
24
00:01:14,114 --> 00:01:15,700
Well, at least you know
it's not a short.
25
00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:18,328
[both laughing]
26
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:20,496
[laughing]
I'm sorry.
27
00:01:20,496 --> 00:01:23,374
This is my first time
in front of a camera.
28
00:01:23,374 --> 00:01:25,376
Alright, look, I promise
29
00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:27,461
I won't start laughing...
30
00:01:27,461 --> 00:01:29,004
...until we start having sex.
31
00:01:29,004 --> 00:01:30,256
You know, like usual.
32
00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:31,757
[laughing]
33
00:01:31,757 --> 00:01:33,342
Yeah, I'm just happy
to have a co-star.
34
00:01:33,342 --> 00:01:34,844
[Nicki laughing]
35
00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:39,640
We'll just uh, pick it up
from where we left off.
36
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:41,017
Well, uh, look,
I'm still worried
37
00:01:41,017 --> 00:01:43,394
that somebody's
gonna find this tape. I mean...
38
00:01:43,394 --> 00:01:45,313
We've got to make sure when
we're finished that we label it
39
00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:47,899
something no one
would ever want to see.
40
00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:50,443
How about we call it,
"Drew having sex?"
41
00:01:52,736 --> 00:01:54,613
Look, how about
this for boring?
42
00:01:54,613 --> 00:01:59,160
"Fifty Misconceptions
About Human Resources."
43
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,079
Hey, there's nothing
boring about my job.
44
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,705
A lot of good thing-
oh, yeah. That's a good one.
45
00:02:04,832 --> 00:02:05,792
[giggles]
46
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:06,834
[Drew grunts]
47
00:02:06,834 --> 00:02:09,838
[instrumental music]
48
00:02:15,843 --> 00:02:17,470
Okay, I'm ready.
49
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:18,971
And now, let's try
to get it right the first time
50
00:02:18,971 --> 00:02:20,264
[clears throat]
'cause as, you know...
51
00:02:20,264 --> 00:02:21,474
...I don't do second takes.
52
00:02:23,142 --> 00:02:25,186
[phone ringing]
53
00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:26,646
Just get it here.
I'll turn off the ringer.
54
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:28,481
[ringing continues]
55
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,984
(Beulah)
'Drew, it's ma.'
56
00:02:31,984 --> 00:02:33,527
'Are you-are you there?'
57
00:02:33,527 --> 00:02:35,946
- It's my mom.
- Just hang up.
58
00:02:35,946 --> 00:02:37,782
Oh, hang up on my mom
to make a sex tape?
59
00:02:39,533 --> 00:02:40,868
Why don't you just
conjure up the devil
60
00:02:40,868 --> 00:02:42,120
and we'll smoke crack with him
61
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,205
and dance around the Bible fire?
62
00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:45,248
[Nicki laughs]
63
00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:49,585
Hey, mom. Yeah!
64
00:02:49,585 --> 00:02:51,921
I'm looking forward to seeing
you in a couple of days.
65
00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:54,673
Tomorrow morning? Yeah.
66
00:02:54,673 --> 00:02:57,010
Well, Nicki's looking forward
to seeing you, too.
67
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,679
[laughs]
Yeah, it's gonna be great.
68
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:01,514
Hey, listen, uh,
why don't you save that story
69
00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:03,557
about Aunt Mildred's infected
eye for some other time?
70
00:03:03,557 --> 00:03:06,394
We can... talk about it
tomorrow at dinner.
71
00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:07,895
[both chuckling]
72
00:03:07,895 --> 00:03:09,522
Yeah, love you too. Bye.
73
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:12,608
[sighs]
Okay, urgh.
74
00:03:12,608 --> 00:03:14,444
Dirty thoughts,
dirty thoughts, dirty thoughts.
75
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,737
Okay, I'm back. Ahem.
76
00:03:16,737 --> 00:03:19,407
Okay, first, uh,
I want to dedicate this
77
00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:22,368
to our children who might find
this tape someday.
78
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:25,205
Uh, kids, this is your mom
and dad on their first date.
79
00:03:27,164 --> 00:03:28,124
[Nicki laughs]
80
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:29,375
What was your name again, honey?
81
00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:32,086
[laughs]
82
00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:34,380
Don't worry, kids.
That's a good kind of owie.
83
00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:42,931
♪ Aah ♪
84
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:46,142
♪ All this energy callin' me ♪
85
00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:47,852
♪ Back where it comes from ♪
86
00:03:49,353 --> 00:03:52,398
♪ It's such a crude attitude ♪
87
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:55,401
♪ It's back where it belongs ♪
88
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:58,195
♪ All the little chicks
with their crimson lips ♪
89
00:03:58,195 --> 00:04:01,866
♪ Go Cleveland rocks
Cleveland rocks ♪
90
00:04:01,866 --> 00:04:04,660
♪ Livin' in sin
with a safety pin ♪
91
00:04:04,660 --> 00:04:08,247
♪ Go Cleveland rocks
Cleveland rocks ♪
92
00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:10,041
♪ Cleveland rocks ♪
93
00:04:11,375 --> 00:04:13,878
[echoing]
Ohio!
94
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:18,090
- Hi, mom. How are you doing?
- There's my boy.
95
00:04:18,090 --> 00:04:19,467
Oh, good morning, Drew.
96
00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:21,177
Breakfast will be ready
in a minute.
97
00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:23,512
We've been waiting for you
for half the morning.
98
00:04:23,512 --> 00:04:26,849
Still keepin' a rock star's
hours, huh, kid?
99
00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:28,017
Dad, it's quarter to seven.
100
00:04:29,810 --> 00:04:32,938
So, when do we
get to meet Nicki?
101
00:04:32,938 --> 00:04:34,815
Oh, sh-sh-she'll be down
in a minute.
102
00:04:34,815 --> 00:04:36,442
What?
103
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:38,485
You slept with a woman
before you're married?
104
00:04:38,485 --> 00:04:40,780
Is this the way your
father and I raised you?
105
00:04:42,072 --> 00:04:44,242
[both laughing]
106
00:04:45,659 --> 00:04:48,162
We're just pulling
your leg, Drew.
107
00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:50,247
If we really thought
you hadn't had sex by now
108
00:04:50,247 --> 00:04:51,457
we'd kill ourselves.
109
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:57,547
Oh, hey, you're here already.
110
00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:59,215
Oh, is this the angel
111
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:02,009
who saved my son
from dying alone?
112
00:05:02,009 --> 00:05:03,428
Oh...
113
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:06,514
Give me a hug. Ha-ha.
114
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:10,059
What a sweetheart.
115
00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:14,438
Thank you for marrying
my son Drew, and...
116
00:05:14,438 --> 00:05:17,650
...you know, stopping the rumor
mill at the family reunions.
117
00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:20,278
So sorry, I've got to run.
118
00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:22,155
Uh, I just-my office just called
119
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,240
and I gotta be at
the airport in an hour.
120
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,158
- Okay.
- Well, we'll catch up later.
121
00:05:26,158 --> 00:05:28,619
Okay. Bye, Drew.
122
00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:29,662
[clears throat]
123
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:34,834
- Bye.
- Bye bye.
124
00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:40,047
Well, that is one
125
00:05:40,047 --> 00:05:42,925
big beautiful girl
you've got there.
126
00:05:44,718 --> 00:05:47,055
And now, if you will excuse me
it's been a long drive.
127
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:48,473
I'm back on my home turf.
128
00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:49,974
Now it's time for a little
129
00:05:49,974 --> 00:05:51,601
rumble in the jungle.
130
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:57,690
Hey, mom, uh,
can you sit down for a second?
131
00:05:57,690 --> 00:05:59,191
I have to talk to you
about something.
132
00:05:59,191 --> 00:06:00,651
Yes, of course, dear.
133
00:06:03,779 --> 00:06:06,031
Uh, something happened
last night.
134
00:06:06,031 --> 00:06:07,491
(Oswald)
'Hey, anybody home?'
135
00:06:07,491 --> 00:06:08,993
It's the kids you wish you had!
136
00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:14,289
Hold that thought.
I've got to give out some hugs.
137
00:06:14,289 --> 00:06:17,959
- Oh! Congratulations, Oswald.
- Thank you.
138
00:06:17,959 --> 00:06:20,380
- I'm so happy for you, Katey!
- Thank you.
139
00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:23,216
And Lewis.
140
00:06:28,345 --> 00:06:29,805
- Hey!
- Hey.
141
00:06:29,805 --> 00:06:31,974
There's an Oswald
and the old ball and chain.
142
00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:33,142
And the old ball and chain.
143
00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:34,227
[chuckling]
144
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,770
What's that all about?
145
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,980
I put it on them for the
bachelor party tonight.
146
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,940
Hey, wait a minute.
Drew's getting married too.
147
00:06:39,940 --> 00:06:42,234
How come he's not lugging around
an extra 30 pounds?
148
00:06:42,234 --> 00:06:43,277
[clears throat]
149
00:06:47,114 --> 00:06:48,365
Oh, yeah.
150
00:06:48,365 --> 00:06:50,493
(George)
'Beulah, is that Katey, Oswald'
151
00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:52,536
'and Lewis down there?'
152
00:06:52,536 --> 00:06:54,205
- Hey, Mr. Carey!
- Hey!
153
00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:57,416
- Up in your office, Mr. Carey?
- 'Yeah!'
154
00:06:57,416 --> 00:07:00,419
[laughing]
'Just catching up
on a little paperwork!'
155
00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:01,837
[laughing]
156
00:07:01,837 --> 00:07:03,255
Well, you can't
call him uptight.
157
00:07:03,255 --> 00:07:04,882
- No.
- No.
158
00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:06,300
Hey, I already, uh...
159
00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,511
...got the nature
documentaries lined up
160
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:11,930
for the party tonight and, uh,
we're also gonna hire a juggler.
161
00:07:11,930 --> 00:07:13,557
Yeah, you want
a blonde juggler
162
00:07:13,557 --> 00:07:15,726
brunette juggler
or redhead juggler?
163
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,186
Oh, please, boys.
164
00:07:18,186 --> 00:07:20,898
I know all about
stag films and strippers.
165
00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:22,942
No, we're really hiring
jugglers, Mrs. Carey.
166
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:25,319
Naked jugglers.
167
00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:29,532
Well, we've gotta get some more
Buzz beers before the party.
168
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:32,326
Come on, Katey ball.
You too, Kate.
169
00:07:32,326 --> 00:07:35,538
- Hey, you guys going now?
- Yeah, bye, Mr. Carey!
170
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:36,581
Don't get up!
171
00:07:39,249 --> 00:07:40,918
Oh, it's so sad.
172
00:07:40,918 --> 00:07:43,838
Everybody's getting
married but Lewis.
173
00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:46,924
Heart of gold,
body of a hat rack.
174
00:07:47,925 --> 00:07:50,677
What are you gonna do?
175
00:07:50,677 --> 00:07:53,014
[sighs]
Mom, I've decided I'm not
gonna get married to Nicki.
176
00:07:55,224 --> 00:07:56,559
Have you got any tomato paste?
177
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,603
'Cause I want to make
some pasta sauce.
178
00:08:00,979 --> 00:08:02,981
[scoffs]
Mom, did you even hear me?
179
00:08:02,981 --> 00:08:06,360
No, I-I couldn't hear because of
the sound of my heart breaking.
180
00:08:08,570 --> 00:08:11,490
Look, uh,
something happened last night.
181
00:08:11,490 --> 00:08:13,451
Uh, between me and Nicki
and I just decided
182
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:14,952
she's not the woman for me.
183
00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:16,620
Oh, honey...
184
00:08:16,620 --> 00:08:18,080
Nicki is wonderful!
185
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,666
And even if she wasn't,
nobody is perfect.
186
00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:23,251
On some things,
you have to settle a little.
187
00:08:23,251 --> 00:08:24,920
I know all
about settling, mom.
188
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,131
I'm the one that asked Widow
Henderson to the prom. Remember?
189
00:08:28,465 --> 00:08:30,384
Bingo night, my ass.
190
00:08:31,843 --> 00:08:34,305
Drew, you know, dear,
I've seen pictures
191
00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:36,056
of when you started
dating Nicki.
192
00:08:36,056 --> 00:08:38,434
And she has put on
a lot of weight.
193
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:40,352
Now, is that
what this is about?
194
00:08:40,352 --> 00:08:41,854
Look, I told you.
195
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:43,606
I'm not gonna get
into the details, alright?
196
00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:46,108
I just made up my mind to call
it off, and that's that.
197
00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:48,235
Well, you're not
gonna tell your father.
198
00:08:48,235 --> 00:08:49,737
Well, eventually he's gonna come
out of the bathroom.
199
00:08:49,737 --> 00:08:50,780
Somebody's gotta tell him.
200
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,324
Now, I didn't want
to worry you.
201
00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:54,783
But your father's
been going through
202
00:08:54,783 --> 00:08:57,161
a serious depression
for almost a year.
203
00:08:57,161 --> 00:09:00,414
What he doesn't need
right now is bad news.
204
00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:01,456
Hey, bro.
205
00:09:01,456 --> 00:09:03,917
Mom!
206
00:09:03,917 --> 00:09:06,420
Boy, oh, boy.
It's good to see you.
207
00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:15,012
Hello, Steve,
you look beautiful.
208
00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:17,556
Well, I'm my mother's son.
209
00:09:17,556 --> 00:09:19,058
Hey, where's dad?
210
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:20,725
I've decided
it's time to finally
211
00:09:20,725 --> 00:09:21,811
tell him I'm a cross dresser.
212
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,687
- You can't go--
- No!
213
00:09:23,687 --> 00:09:26,941
(George)
'Do I hear my oldest son
down there?'
214
00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:28,734
As big as life, dad.
215
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:31,112
(George)
'How are you doing?'
216
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:33,322
'You're still a ladies man?'
217
00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:34,615
Well, you could say that.
218
00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:35,866
[indistinct]
219
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,284
Now is not the time.
220
00:09:37,284 --> 00:09:38,953
You've got to leave
before he sees you.
221
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:41,121
- Get out of here.
- Just don't push me!
222
00:09:41,121 --> 00:09:42,873
Just because I'm in
a dress doesn't mean
223
00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:44,834
I can't kick your butt
all over the house.
224
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,794
- What? Ow.
- Who's your maid of honor?
225
00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:47,878
Who's your maid of honor?
226
00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:51,173
Drew is backing
out of the wedding.
227
00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:52,257
Yeah, now I definitely am.
228
00:09:52,257 --> 00:09:56,011
♪ Goodnight ladies ♪
229
00:09:56,011 --> 00:09:57,554
♪ Goodnight ladi-ies ♪
230
00:09:57,554 --> 00:09:59,139
He's almost done.
231
00:09:59,139 --> 00:10:02,768
Now, your father is-is
not himself lately
232
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:05,730
and doesn't need to see this!
Now leave!
233
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,773
But the-is the
bachelor party off?
234
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:10,651
- Oh. Yeah, I guess.
- No.
235
00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:12,403
You can't hurt your father
and you're not gonna
236
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:13,654
spoil Oswald's big night.
237
00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:15,364
- Mom, this is crazy.
- No.
238
00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:17,074
You're gonna go to that party
like everything is fine.
239
00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:18,825
At least give your father that.
240
00:10:18,825 --> 00:10:21,912
And later, when the time is
right, I'll break it to him.
241
00:10:21,912 --> 00:10:24,915
And you're gonna go to the party
too and you wear a suit.
242
00:10:24,915 --> 00:10:28,377
- A pantsuit's a suit, right?
- No! No!
243
00:10:28,377 --> 00:10:30,754
Oh, Lord!
244
00:10:30,754 --> 00:10:33,131
Where did I go wrong
with you boys?
245
00:10:33,131 --> 00:10:34,216
Told you if you
didn't get us that red bike
246
00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:36,509
there'd be trouble.
247
00:10:36,509 --> 00:10:39,388
No, you're not getting the bike
and that's final.
248
00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:41,974
Oh, look, what I found
snooping around.
249
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:45,853
"Fifty Misconceptions
About Human Resources."
250
00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:49,398
I never did understand
Drew's job.
251
00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:51,900
Let's pop it in the old VCR.
252
00:10:51,900 --> 00:10:54,778
Dad, you're gonna
love this tape.
253
00:10:54,778 --> 00:10:56,321
The first 20 minutes
is real exciting.
254
00:10:56,321 --> 00:10:58,741
It's about preferred
provider health insurance.
255
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:00,867
Then the next
20 minutes kinda dragged.
256
00:11:00,867 --> 00:11:03,621
But then it picks up at the end.
It's all about uh...
257
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:05,413
...human resource
ergonomics, you know...
258
00:11:05,413 --> 00:11:07,208
...how dividers work, how tall
they are, stuff like that.
259
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,001
You know what?
260
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,712
I think we, uh, already
rented this in Florida.
261
00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:13,380
Didn't we, Beulah?
262
00:11:13,380 --> 00:11:16,133
- Yeah, it sounds familiar.
- Let's have breakfast.
263
00:11:16,133 --> 00:11:17,968
- I even got the workbook to--
- I said we saw it.
264
00:11:24,099 --> 00:11:25,934
(Beulah)
Hello, Mimi.
265
00:11:25,934 --> 00:11:27,477
Have you seen Drew?
I thought I would
266
00:11:27,477 --> 00:11:28,812
surprise him with a new shirt
267
00:11:28,812 --> 00:11:30,647
for the bachelor party.
268
00:11:30,647 --> 00:11:32,691
Oh, he left already.
269
00:11:32,691 --> 00:11:35,194
I was sorry to hear about your
future daughter-in-law.
270
00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:37,363
Why? What have you heard?
271
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:38,781
She's marrying your son.
272
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:44,369
Oh, you are full
of the Dickens.
273
00:11:44,369 --> 00:11:45,538
[Beulah laughs]
274
00:11:47,205 --> 00:11:49,166
Now, what about you, Mimi?
275
00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:51,419
When are you
gonna settle down?
276
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:53,503
Well, now that Drew's
off the market
277
00:11:53,503 --> 00:11:54,964
all the good ones are taken.
278
00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:57,258
[snorts]
279
00:11:59,134 --> 00:12:00,511
But, seriously.
280
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:01,637
I look at wedding rings
281
00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:03,930
as the world's
smallest handcuffs.
282
00:12:03,930 --> 00:12:07,142
Now, Mimi, I know you're
popular with the boys now
283
00:12:07,142 --> 00:12:10,604
but, even...
the brightest colors fade.
284
00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:14,483
Cripes, you're
a dark old broad.
285
00:12:14,483 --> 00:12:16,443
No, I just mean
that sometimes
286
00:12:16,443 --> 00:12:19,446
some things happen
that you don't expect.
287
00:12:19,446 --> 00:12:20,698
It's the wedding, isn't it?
288
00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:22,323
- Something's wrong.
- Shh.
289
00:12:22,323 --> 00:12:24,368
Oh, I'm right. What happened?
Is the wedding off?
290
00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:25,619
- Shh!
- Oh, my God!
291
00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:27,413
- It's off! It's off!
- Mimi!
292
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,707
Oh, Mimi, we've gotta talk.
293
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,792
Drew doesn't want
to marry Nicki.
294
00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:35,337
Wha-why is that things don't
work out with him and women?
295
00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:38,257
Well, he goes
for the wrong type.
296
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:41,551
I mean, he falls for these
soft, spineless, baby dolls.
297
00:12:41,551 --> 00:12:44,764
Yuck! I just wanna knock 'em
down and make 'em cry!
298
00:12:47,557 --> 00:12:51,103
[sighs]
What kind of a woman
would be right for him?
299
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,063
Well, he needs someone strong
300
00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:55,357
confident, who speaks her mind
301
00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:58,485
and can still
knock your socks off in bed.
302
00:12:58,485 --> 00:13:01,572
In other words, the perfect
woman for Drew is you.
303
00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,618
Hey, when did this conversation
turn against me?
304
00:13:06,993 --> 00:13:09,330
[instrumental music]
305
00:13:11,039 --> 00:13:17,003
(all)
Aaah!
306
00:13:17,003 --> 00:13:19,506
[gurgling]
307
00:13:19,506 --> 00:13:20,549
Limes.
308
00:13:21,508 --> 00:13:22,635
Now, mix.
309
00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:27,890
[all hoot]
310
00:13:29,474 --> 00:13:31,893
Gentlemen,
I've got pornography.
311
00:13:31,893 --> 00:13:33,645
[all cheer]
312
00:13:33,645 --> 00:13:35,814
- Having fun, dad?
- The best.
313
00:13:35,814 --> 00:13:37,399
Yeah, what a great
bachelor party, huh?
314
00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,067
- Yeah.
- Boy.
315
00:13:39,067 --> 00:13:40,527
Can't imagine the wedding
being more fun than this.
316
00:13:40,527 --> 00:13:42,195
[laughs]
317
00:13:42,195 --> 00:13:43,614
Shouldn't we just stop
at the last place we had fun?
318
00:13:44,865 --> 00:13:45,991
Son, you're confusing me.
319
00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:48,660
Either drink more,
or drink less.
320
00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:50,787
Uh, considering I'm just about
to watch porn with my dad
321
00:13:50,787 --> 00:13:51,830
I think I'll drink more.
322
00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:53,331
[laughs]
323
00:13:53,331 --> 00:13:56,126
Gather round, kiddies.
It's story time.
324
00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:58,170
Oh, what's this one
about, Uncle Larry?
325
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,921
It's about actors who
couldn't get on the subs
326
00:13:59,921 --> 00:14:01,131
going at it like animals.
327
00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:03,175
[laughing]
328
00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:05,135
My cousin Joey has a box
full of these things.
329
00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:06,553
I just skimmed a couple
off the top.
330
00:14:06,553 --> 00:14:08,555
- He-he-he.
- Loosen your collars, boys.
331
00:14:08,555 --> 00:14:10,266
It's about to get
mighty steamy in here.
332
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:11,308
[all chuckling]
Yeah.
333
00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:13,435
[music on TV]
334
00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:15,478
Oh, man, a beach house.
335
00:14:15,478 --> 00:14:17,231
You know, somebody's
gotta be getting some.
336
00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:19,316
[all laughing]
337
00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:20,609
Oh, oh, I bet it's this guy.
338
00:14:20,609 --> 00:14:22,027
The tall guys always
get it first.
339
00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:23,070
That's true, true.
340
00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:24,737
[all laughing]
341
00:14:24,737 --> 00:14:26,782
Hey, here comes
some more guys, and man...
342
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:28,325
Look at the skimpy outfits
they're wearing.
343
00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:29,618
I wonder what the women are
gonna be wearing.
344
00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:31,912
[all laughing]
345
00:14:32,871 --> 00:14:35,291
[music on TV continues]
346
00:14:45,425 --> 00:14:47,303
Oh, my God, they've started
without the women.
347
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,641
Ma-maybe he's just...
348
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:54,602
...warming them up,
until the girls get there.
349
00:15:01,941 --> 00:15:02,902
(Drew)
'No.'
350
00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:08,115
What the heck is this stuff?
351
00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:10,242
"The Buns Of Navarone?"
352
00:15:11,868 --> 00:15:13,078
"Men In Back."
353
00:15:16,873 --> 00:15:18,584
"Three Men And A Maybe."
354
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:24,006
Don't worry, guys.
I've got back up!
355
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:25,340
(all)
Yeah!
356
00:15:25,340 --> 00:15:26,716
What is it?
357
00:15:26,716 --> 00:15:30,137
"Fifty Misconceptions
About Human Resources."
358
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,348
I know it's-I know it's
got a weird title.
359
00:15:33,348 --> 00:15:35,017
But, I got it from
Drew's secret drawer.
360
00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:37,352
So I know it's h-o-t, hot, baby.
361
00:15:37,352 --> 00:15:40,230
[all cheering]
362
00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:42,691
Yeah, my dad already saw it.
Tell 'em how good it is, dad.
363
00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:43,859
I told you, I saw it!
364
00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:46,946
I'll get the cake.
365
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:50,782
Hold up, before
we get to that...
366
00:15:50,782 --> 00:15:52,534
...you guys gotta know
how we feel about you.
367
00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:55,495
And well, we know things are
a little tight right now.
368
00:15:55,495 --> 00:15:57,790
So, the whole
neighborhood chipped in
369
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,916
to help you get
started up your new lives.
370
00:15:59,916 --> 00:16:01,168
- What?
- Happy marriage, buddy.
371
00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:02,544
Oh, my God, for me?
372
00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:05,047
Yay.
373
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:06,882
And Drew, uh, we actually
started saving
374
00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,592
this money
to buy you a wife.
375
00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:10,844
But, uh...
376
00:16:10,844 --> 00:16:12,888
...after we passed your picture
around the village, uh
377
00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:15,265
all the single women threw
themselves into the volcano.
378
00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:16,308
So...
379
00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:20,812
Hey, thanks, guys,
really, I just...
380
00:16:20,812 --> 00:16:22,439
You have to give
this money back to everybody.
381
00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:24,233
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
382
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:26,151
Oh, look at all this money.
383
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,987
Anybody tells Kate about this,
I'll kill you!
384
00:16:29,696 --> 00:16:31,406
Oh, my God,
what's happening to me?
385
00:16:31,406 --> 00:16:32,741
- What are you looking at?
- Whoa!
386
00:16:35,118 --> 00:16:37,204
Come here, son.
387
00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:39,623
What the hell
is the matter with you?
388
00:16:39,623 --> 00:16:42,167
The guys do something nice,
you throw it in their faces?
389
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,044
Hey, I, uh, I appreciate it, I
just don't want it, that's all.
390
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:46,922
Well, I hate to be the one to
break this news to you, big shot
391
00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:48,423
but you need this money.
392
00:16:48,423 --> 00:16:49,799
- Dad, no.
- No. I mean.
393
00:16:49,799 --> 00:16:51,926
If you're too stupid
to see that you and Nicki
394
00:16:51,926 --> 00:16:54,053
need a nest egg,
I'm gonna make you take it.
395
00:16:54,053 --> 00:16:55,555
Stop it! Just stop--
396
00:16:55,555 --> 00:16:56,724
Nicki and I
aren't getting married.
397
00:16:59,059 --> 00:17:02,229
Okay. Mom didn't want me
to tell you, you know...
398
00:17:02,229 --> 00:17:03,939
She told me what you were going
through with your depression
399
00:17:03,939 --> 00:17:05,274
and your therapy
and everything.
400
00:17:06,441 --> 00:17:07,734
[exhales]
401
00:17:07,734 --> 00:17:09,068
What happened, son?
402
00:17:09,068 --> 00:17:10,779
You don't love her anymore?
403
00:17:11,696 --> 00:17:13,406
Uh, no.
404
00:17:13,406 --> 00:17:15,450
I-I just don't
love her anymore.
405
00:17:15,450 --> 00:17:16,785
[exhales]
406
00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:19,621
Will you be okay?
407
00:17:19,621 --> 00:17:22,833
Well, I'm not...
dancing in the aisle.
408
00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:25,461
But, thank God, you didn't
marry someone you don't love.
409
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:27,921
Oh, man.
410
00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:29,882
Mom's gonna be really happy,
you're fine with it.
411
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,966
I mean, she's so
worried about you.
412
00:17:31,966 --> 00:17:34,594
Oh, let me tell you
a little secret.
413
00:17:34,594 --> 00:17:38,056
I did go through
a really heavy depression...
414
00:17:38,056 --> 00:17:39,849
...for a month.
415
00:17:39,849 --> 00:17:41,810
The last few months,
I've just been milking it
416
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:43,145
to get outta yard work.
417
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:47,065
Alright.
418
00:17:47,065 --> 00:17:49,276
Yow! Woo-hoo-hoo!
419
00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:50,986
Alright, it's cake time.
420
00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:53,197
We all know what's in there, so,
come on out, sweetheart.
421
00:17:54,155 --> 00:17:56,950
[all cheer]
422
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:58,285
Surprise!
423
00:18:03,790 --> 00:18:05,334
Dad, it's me!
424
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,753
I'm a cross dresser and I wanted
the whole world to know.
425
00:18:11,172 --> 00:18:12,840
Uh, look at
the bright side, dad.
426
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:14,676
You just got out of yard work
for the rest of your life.
427
00:18:16,469 --> 00:18:19,389
[instrumental music]
428
00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:25,771
[music continues]
429
00:18:33,653 --> 00:18:34,905
(Beulah on voice mail recorder)
'Hi, Drew, it's mom.'
430
00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:37,324
'We're back in Florida,
safe and sound.'
431
00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:39,117
'I think your father's
starting to deal'
432
00:18:39,117 --> 00:18:40,910
'with your brother's change.'
433
00:18:40,910 --> 00:18:42,412
'He stopped in Savannah
and got him'
434
00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:44,331
'the cutest little one piece.'
435
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:48,167
'Anyway, I hope that you let
Nicki down easy, honey.'
436
00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:50,462
'From what you've told us,
she must have loved you a lot.'
437
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:52,047
'Well, bye-bye.'
438
00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:53,340
(George on voice mail recorder)
'Hey, Beulah.'
439
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:55,801
'The grass ain't
gonna cut itself.'
440
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,387
(Beulah)
'I know you're not depressed.
Knock it off.'
441
00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:26,373
(Drew's voice on TV)
'What's your name again, honey?'
442
00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:28,041
- Ow!
- Ha-ha-heh.
443
00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:29,918
Don't worry, kids.
That's a good kinda owie.
444
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,297
Mmm.
445
00:19:34,297 --> 00:19:35,757
I almost forgot.
446
00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:37,842
I got flavored oils.
447
00:19:37,842 --> 00:19:39,469
Ooh.
448
00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:41,012
(Nicki)
'I can't believe
we're doing this.'
449
00:19:41,012 --> 00:19:42,055
I know.
450
00:19:42,055 --> 00:19:43,098
[laughing]
451
00:19:45,975 --> 00:19:48,436
(Nicki)
'Why, hey, it's like a monitor.'
452
00:19:48,436 --> 00:19:51,231
Hoo! I can see my face.
453
00:19:51,231 --> 00:19:53,150
How do people ever have sex
454
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:55,235
before video cameras?
455
00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:56,736
You know, we're lucky.
456
00:19:56,736 --> 00:19:58,154
My grandmother had
to walk six miles
457
00:19:58,154 --> 00:19:59,364
in the snow to have sex.
458
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:00,407
[Nicki laughs]
459
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:05,787
(Nicki)
'Oh, my God.'
460
00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:06,830
(Drew)
'What?'
461
00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:10,249
(Nicki)
'I'm going home.'
462
00:20:10,249 --> 00:20:12,376
(Drew)
Hey, listen, I'm sorry, this...
463
00:20:12,376 --> 00:20:14,045
Look, this was a stupid idea.
464
00:20:14,045 --> 00:20:15,338
If it makes you uncomfortable
I'll just shut it off.
465
00:20:15,338 --> 00:20:17,132
(Nicki)
'No, it's not that!'
466
00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:18,300
'Look at me.'
467
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,468
'I'm a pig, I'm disgusting.'
468
00:20:20,468 --> 00:20:22,094
'How can you even look at me?'
469
00:20:22,094 --> 00:20:24,514
(Drew)
I love... looking at you.
You look great.
470
00:20:24,514 --> 00:20:25,807
(Nicki)
'Quit saying that.'
471
00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:28,434
You know I don't look great.
472
00:20:28,434 --> 00:20:32,564
You just saw my big...
fat ass on TV!
473
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:35,608
'I knew this was gonna happen.'
474
00:20:35,608 --> 00:20:37,903
This is why I didn't
wanna start dating you
475
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,697
in the first place.
476
00:20:40,697 --> 00:20:44,493
I can't handle being around
someone who loves to eat.
477
00:20:46,035 --> 00:20:48,246
[Drew scoffs]
You picked a hell of a guy
478
00:20:48,246 --> 00:20:49,957
to get engaged to, you know?
479
00:20:56,337 --> 00:20:57,631
[whispers]
Please don't do this.
480
00:20:58,632 --> 00:21:01,259
Look, I love you.
481
00:21:01,259 --> 00:21:02,886
I-I'll work, I'll help you.
482
00:21:02,886 --> 00:21:04,387
(Nicki)
You can't help me!
483
00:21:04,387 --> 00:21:05,639
You're the problem!
484
00:21:07,807 --> 00:21:08,767
Here.
485
00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:13,021
You should probably
have your ring back.
486
00:21:15,065 --> 00:21:18,234
Crap! I can't even get
the damn thing off!
487
00:21:18,234 --> 00:21:21,196
Would you turn
that video camera off?
488
00:21:21,196 --> 00:21:24,449
Last thing we need is a video
tape of our last night together.
489
00:21:32,916 --> 00:21:33,834
I'll show them,
I'll show them all!
490
00:21:35,167 --> 00:21:36,294
[evil laugh]
491
00:21:36,294 --> 00:21:37,421
Oh, okay.
492
00:21:38,588 --> 00:21:40,507
You-you'll be safe there.
493
00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:41,966
What?
494
00:21:41,966 --> 00:21:43,010
I love you too.
495
00:21:56,898 --> 00:21:57,858
Idiot.
33150
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