Original subtitles

[whistling]

This milk is warm.

And this cheese is warm.

Oh, my God. You're warm all over. Nicki, help.

You poor baby. You're shaking.

Oh, no. That's me.

Wh-what, what, what, what? What's going on?

It's Bessy. Sh-she's sick.

What wait Bessy? Who's Bessy?

We gotta cool her down. We need ice. Lot's of ice.

Oh, sweet Mary and Joseph.

Drew, it's popsicle juice.

Sometimes the motor sticks. Stand back.

Clear!

Nothing.

Don't you quit on me, dammit.

Clear!

Drew... she's gone.

I never told her that I loved her.

Look, we can still save some of the food.

Leave the lettuce in the crisper.

She came in here with it. She'll go out with it.

Hey, Drew.

Havin' another expiration date eatathon?

I wish this was a joyous occasion, but it's not.

(Drew) 'I have some... bad news.'

Bessy's dead.

You couldn't lead up to any better?

You just had to blurt it out like that?

Maybe I should say a few words.

Uh, observation from the new guy in the group.

Isn't this just a little strange?

I mean, it's just a refrigerator.

Don't!

You don't... You don't understand, Nicki.

Ol' Bessy's been everything to us.

She's been our Town Square, our camp fire.

She gave me my first beer.

Of my last Shake-A-Pudd'n.

We're still gonna ...be friends, right?

I mean, we're still gonna hang out, right?

Yeah, sure we will, buddy. Listen here...

Let's have a toast, huh.

To Bessy.

Goodbye old friend.

(Bessy) 'Goodbye!'

- Let's get the hell outta here. - Right.

[theme song]

♪ All this energy callin' me ♪

♪ Back where it comes from ♪

♪ It's such a crude attitude ♪

♪ It's back where it belongs ♪

♪ All the little chicks with the crimson lips go ♪

♪ Cleveland rocks Cleveland rocks ♪

♪ Livin' in sin with a safety pin goin ♪

♪ Cleveland rocks Cleveland rocks ♪

♪ Cleveland rocks ♪

[echoing] Ohio!

[upbeat music]

Carey, Johnson and I have been having

some trouble communicating.

I thought perhaps as human resources director

you might be able to help us out.

Well, first...

Lemme say how wonderful I think it is that you're

reachin' out to an employee and takin' time out of your busy day

like that. That's really great.

You should consider yourself very fortunate there Johnson.

Yes, I think he'd appreciate it more if you stop kissing my butt

and actually make a suggestion.

Well, sometimes role reversal helps.

I mean, it always helps to put yourself

in the other person's shoes.

Hmm, role reversal, eh?

That just might work.

Johnson, you be me and I'll be you.

You start.

Okay.

Johnson, I'm very disappointed in your work.

Very well then, I quit.

Wait a minute. I don't wanna quit.

Very well then, you're fired.

Oh, what do you know, I'm Wick again.

Sir, you gotta little evil right here by the--

Oh, thank you very much.

Carey... do you know what time of year it is?

Oh. Of course, sir.

How could I forget such an important day.

Happy birthday, sir.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, it's-it's time for the Winfred-Louder employee games.

Oh, yeah.

Yesterday was the day I finally forgot that I lost last year.

So today it starts again.

Leaf blower hockey. Vacuum cleaner races. I can't wait.

But, as you know the employees best...

...what kind of grand prize do you think

would inflame their passion?

Wow, a forty cubic foot refrigerator

with ice maker and juicer.

Refrigerator, eh?

How odd you didn't choose the treadmill.

Hey, uh, do you mind if I, uh, keep this picture.

You know, to kinda, motivate the employees?

She is a beauty, isn't she?

I wouldn't mind having some of that around the house.

You have to win her first, sir.

You're not a doubled doors

brushed stainless steel type of man, Carey.

You're a bag of ice in the tub.

I may not be able to fill her with Truffles and Caviar

but I can make her happy, dammit.

Go ahead and snitch, you big baby.

Drew, I walk into the bathroom to fix my face... shut up.

And what do I find

sprawled on the sofa like a walrus, but this.

I had a migraine. I needed to lay down.

How come there's no couch in the men's room?

If there was, would you wanna lay on it?

What are you gonna do about it? He was peekin' at me.

Oh, believe me, while you were in there

my eyes were closed so tight, they bled, sweetheart.

Don't call me sweetheart. It's demeaning.

You sweaty hunk of monkey toss.

Look... Larry, stay out of the ladies room and...

Mimi... stay out of the ladies room.

I ain't goin' nowhere till you put him on report.

Aww, your baby picture before you had hair and glasses.

Just so happens to be the grand prize

in this years Winfred-Louder employee games.

This refrigerator? They're givin' away this refrigerator?

Wow. I was gonna retire undefeated.

But if they're givin' away this puppy...

...it'd be my pleasure to come back and humiliate you again.

Things are gonna be a little different this year, Mimi.

Your old partner's been fired and I have Nicki on my side.

Like the doctor said the day you were born, it's gonna get ugly.

Wait a second, Mimi. Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?

You're thinkin' of kickin' you in the crotch too?

No. I could be your partner this year.

I could use one of those fridges too.

Why should I pick you?

'Cause I do what it takes, baby.

I'm sleeping with my 80 year old boss.

I run a scrap scam at my mom's nursing home.

I sold my sons comic book collection for lap dances.

Welcome to team Bobeck.

Wait a second, Mimi.

You can team up with whoever you want

but it's not gonna make any difference.

This year, it's my year.

No more nervous nosebleeds.

No more game day meat lovers' breakfast.

No more starter gun-induced incontinence.

This year if I lose

it's because I participated and I did poorly.

You can huff and can puff

but you still gotta pull the other pant leg on.

Can't scare me, Mimi.

Oh, yeah? Come Saturday, I'm gonna be doin' my victory dance.

Okay, you did it.

[instrumental music]

This is crazy, Nicki.

We're never gonna win that fridge.

Honey, I know things are tight.

Why don't you just let me buy you a refrigerator?

What am I? A gigolo?

Drew, you're good, but you're not pay for it good.

(Kate) 'Drew, we gotta surprise for ya.'

Wait a second, if you guys went out there and bought me

a new refrigerator, I'm gonna feel so awful.

Oh, and tell us how you feel about this!

Oh, my God. It's Frankenfridge.

Well, you know we don't have a lot of money.

So we went to the salvage yard. We got you the best we could.

- And we filled it with... - Baking soda! 'Cause...

'Cause it had a really bad smell.

Best I can tell. It's a combination of ham and feet.

You know, I've smelled ham and feet.

That ain't ham and feet.

But it-but it's almost like new. It's Drew-new.

You know that's my problem.

I'm always settlin' for stuff I can afford.

I'm never gonna have a Porsche. I'm never gonna have a Rolex.

That fridge is my one big chance

to have somethin' that's top of the line.

Except your fiancé, right, Drew?

Which I was about to say

before you jumped in and made me look small.

Listen, uh, I really appreciate what you guys did for me but...

...you know, I gotta win that other refrigerator

'cause if a guys big dream is to just a have a nice refrigerator

and he can't even do that.

Drew, are you cryin'?

Nah, it's that smell. It's killin' me.

You know, it's like, it's like wet cat and cheese.

- Oh, wet cat and cheese. - Oh, wet cat and cheese.

Get that stinkin' piece of crap outta here.

And hey, thanks again.

I'll tell you what we're gonna do, Drew.

We're gonna make that little dream come true.

We're gonna all enter that contest.

And if we win, you're gonna get the fridge.

Yeah.

You know I really appreciate you guys

doin' such a great thing for me.

And yet, here you are sittin' on your asses

while this refrigerator is actually drawin' flies

into my house in the middle of winter.

Okay, alright.

Suddenly Mr. Pull My Finger

is selective about smells.

I wasn't wrong to turn down that fridge, was I?

No. It was really creepy. It really smelled bad.

And none of its parts matched.

Wow, glad I didn't have the nerve to say no

the first time they bought Lewis over.

Drew, I'm telling you, it doesn't matter.

We're going to win that refrigerator.

I don't know. I talk big but that Mimi.

Forget about Mimi. Picture this.

You've already won...

...and the Aurora 6000 is right in front of you.

Can you see it, Drew?

I can't see it.

Ah. Look harder. It's here.

Can you see it?

Wait... I do see it.

It's beautiful.

And it's ours.

[Broadway music]

♪ Cool your treats and cheese and meats ♪

♪ How I'd love to find my meals inside of forty cubic feet ♪

♪ Motor whispers real big crispers free of CFCs ♪

♪ Overfill it you can't kill it it's got warranties ♪

♪ It's big and wide it's huge inside ♪

♪ I could take a seat and eat and eat in forty cubic feet ♪

Okay, here's our entry form.

Great. Now all you've gotta do is sign this waiver here.

Uh, initial here for loss of limb.

Here for loss of life.

Oh, you better put down who to call

in case of medical emergency.

Hey, why do I have... Yeah, alright.

Drew, I can't wait to check out that fridge.

I hear it can hold three turkeys and it's got a pie bin.

That's right. And, ma'am.

To avoid any injury you should know

that all the food in the display fridge, is fake.

Hey, why do I... Yeah, alright.

Guys, guys. Alright.

Here's a trick I picked up in little league.

Everyone around here is our enemy.

And if we screw up, daddy won't love us anymore.

Hey, Drew. That fridge is as good as yours.

Pinky signed up at DrugCo to test a drug

that stimulates a competitive part of your brain.

Yeah. Okay. We've got spirit, yes we do.

We've got spirit how 'bout I rip your head off

and shove it down your throat.

[screaming]

You go, girl. Whoo.

Guys, here comes Mimi and Larry.

Don't let 'em psych you out.

Sorry, I'm late, everybody.

I had to stop by the hospital

and see the guy that I beat for the prize, last year.

(Mimi) 'He had a message.'

He said blink blink, then he screamed and took a nap.

It won't work, Mimi. We're ready for you.

What're you doin' here? You don't even work at the store.

Yes I do. At Christmas, I work as an elf.

For the record, we'd like to be called little people.

Better leave now, 'cause you're gonna lose.

I've been poppin' steroids like PEDs for the last three days.

Bad liver, shrunken testicles, you betcha.

Small potatoes make the stake look bigger.

We're not afraid of you or your shrunken testicles.

I'm talkin' to you, Mimi.

Hey, if you're such a tough guy, how come you wearing kneepads?

I always wear kneepads.

And elbow pads?

In case somebody pushes me down while I'm on my knees.

And how come you're wearin' a cup?

'Cause people keep tappin' me there.

Hello everyone.

This is my partner, Tia.

She has the strength of two men

and is six times stronger than me.

We met at the gym.

He's given me $300. And I get to keep the fridge.

What do you get out of it?

We get to, uh, workout together.

Don't make it sound like sex. We're just gonna workout.

That's right. We're just going to... workout.

You think I'm scared of you?

You're the one who should be scared.

Scared of my cold dead hand grabbin' under your leg

as you cross the finish line.

Deal with that.

[whistling]

Our first event is leaf blower hockey.

First couple to score a goal wins.

[whistles]

[crowd cheering]

Ah! Too rough. Too rough.

(in unison) Wussy! Wussy! Wussy!

Listen to them. Are you gonna take that?

Maybe.

- 'Give me a wuss.' - 'Wuss.'

- 'Give me an E.' - 'E.'

- What's that spell? - Wussy!

[screaming]

[crowd cheering]

[crowd applause]

Come on, let's start this race.

Yo, we gotta win that fridge for Drew.

You're goin' down, Donny and Marie.

Donny and Marie are very good looking and solid entertainers.

I take that as a compliment.

Take that anyway you want, 'cause you're gonna lose.

You don't want this bad enough.

Look who I've got as a partner. I've got the devil's babysitter.

Get ready. Go!

[whistling]

Come on, you lintbags, go!

On, Hoover. On, Eureka. On, North...

Hey doofus twins. Look over there. It's a rainbow.

Where? I love rainbows.

(Oswald) 'Hey, don't distract me.'

We're slowin' down.

Oh, we got bigger problems than that. Look up ahead.

Oh, my god, pennies!

[clattering]

Okay, so we're trying to win me this fridge, right.

So, all you gotta do is step aside, let me score a goal and...

...hey, dinner's on me tonight.

First I'm gonna beat ya. Then I'm gonna humiliate ya.

Then I'm gonna rub it in.

Hey, Lewis, we gotta problem here man.

I'm the meanest, angriest, toughest woman named Pinky

you're ever gonna cross paths with.

H-hey, Lewis, she's stuck on high.

Who's gonna beat ya? Pinky!

Say it. Say it. Say it.

Pinky honey, Drew's our friend.

Remember how we treat our friends?

Ah-ha.

[groans]

(Nicki) 'Honey, are you okay?'

Oh, I think I broke somethin'.

Oh, my God. Don't move. Don't move.

- Drew, can you hear me? - Yes.

♪ Your out you lose ♪

♪ We're great you suck ♪

♪ Don't pout don't cry ♪

♪ Kiss this goodbye ♪

(male #1) 'Alright, we're down to our last two couples.'

The winner gets the beautiful Aurora 6000 refrigerator.

Contestants, are you ready?

Unbalance your loads.

I'm unbalanced, Chip.

This washer's ready to creep, Chip.

[whistling] Go!

Hey, Ichabod, is it the best you got?

I could beat you with one hand behind my back.

Oh, yeah? Prove it.

Okay, put the other hand back on. This is embarrassing.

Come on, Lewis. Get your spindly bony body into it.

Do something Mimi. I'm running out of clothes.

Oops. I lost my grip.

No... my foot.

Ah... yeah.

We won. Alright, that's it. There's nobody left to beat.

- We get the refrigerator. - The winner is--

(Drew) 'Hold it!'

You didn't beat me, Mimi.

Isn't that why you came here? To beat me?

No. I came for the other big thing that holds a lot of food.

Come on. What are you scared? Hey everybody. Mimi's scared.

Of a guy with sprained wrist and a crutch.

I ain't scared.

Oh, yeah? What's that new mascara you're wearing?

What's that color? I think it's yeller.

Alright. That's it. You and me.

Winner takes the fridge. Loser goes home to Drew's life.

Yeah. Will it scare ya if I told I didn't need this crutch?

No.

Give me the crutch back. Ow, ow, ow.

Alright, Chip. Call it.

Pull.

I'm not gonna make it.

Drew, Drew, just imagine what's pullin' on the other end

of that rope is every boss who never gave you a raise.

Every teacher who said you'd never amount to nothing.

Every blind date who went to the bathroom and never came back.

That's a lot of people.

Yes!

Didn't think you could dent a refrigerator.

Uh, since it's dented, would you sell it to us cheap, Chip?

Yeah, yeah, look. Here's 50 bucks.

Think you could report it stolen?

Can't steal a refrigerator that's never been here.

Hey, Drew's got a fridge.

Let's tell him before he loses consciousness.

You know, that other refrigerator was kinda vulgar.

This is all I really need.

Yeah, it has a kind of ...quiet sophistication.

Yeah.

Too bad those delivery guys dented it

when they were movin' it in the door.

Yeah.

Hey, did I really win the consolation prize

for bravest little soldier?

That's the story.

Now... how 'bout some TV?

Hey, great.

You know, the Cavs are playing tonight.

It should be a pretty good game.

Yeah.

Got it.

Timmy!

Man I hate bein' in Drew's dreams.

I got a real bad feelin' about this one.

Is the gorilla here this time?

No, no, but I saw Kristy McNichol back there.

He's still hangin' onto that one.

Yeah, I really don't feel good about this one.

Hold the phone. This dream's startin' to look up.

(Drew) Hey guys, wanna play some touch football?

[screaming]

Drew, wake up. Drew, get up. Wake up.