Original subtitles

Alright, we got a ton of leftover Buzz Beer labels

from Christmas showing Santa and his elves making beer.

- What do we do with them? - Oh, look. That's easy.

We just paint Santa's beard black

make his red suit plaid

and now he's just a fat, happy drunk

talking to a bunch of midgets.

You know, Lewis, I don't use the word genius a lot

but I do use the words we got nothing better.

I'll get some bottles.

Wait a minute, we've been eating bean dip

and drinking Buzz Beer all night

which means we've combined beer, coffee and beans

after a big, chilly dinner.

Do you know what that means?

Yeah. Unplug everything with a pilot light.

Yeah.

[explosion]

Wow, I guess she left 'cause she didn't wanna do that

in the kitchen.

The brewery just blew up!

What?

Wait, Katie bear. Wait, wait, wait.

First we have to feel the door and see if it's hot

to avoid a backdraft. Watch this.

[thuds]

Oh, my God!

This is horrible!

I need a drink.

- What could've happened? - I know what happened.

We went against nature. That's what happened.

We tried to control beer, we took it

we locked it up in this, this thing!

Uh, it looks like the pipes froze.

Oh, wake up.

That's what the beer wants you to think.

Huh.

- Hey, guys. - Oh.

I was just shoveling the walk when I thought

boy, could I use a beer.

And then suddenly, 200 gallons of it

came flyin' at me! What the hell's going on?

- Is everyone alright? - Uh, look, we're really sorry.

And we promise you, there won't be anymore problems.

[sighs]

- 'Ah!' - After this.

[beer splashing]

After this.

Okay, ah, beginning to think

this is not a permanent solution.

Well, when Carey gets home, you tell him I got beer on my lawn

beer on my house and beer on my new jacket.

And unlike him, when I smell like beer, it's a problem.

We can't afford to get a new tank.

So no tank, no Buzz Beer.

Man, I never thought it would end like this.

Guys, if you don't mind, I'd

I'd like a moment alone with the tank.

[beer sloshing]

[grunts]

Beer shooting up your pants, isn't it, buddy?

Oh, yeah.

[theme song]

♪ All this energy calling me ♪

♪ Back where it comes from ♪

♪ It's such a crude attitude ♪

♪ It's back where it belongs ♪

♪ All the little chicks with their crimson lips go ♪

♪ Cleveland rocks Cleveland rocks ♪

♪ She's livin' in sin with a safety pin going ♪

♪ Cleveland rocks Cleveland rocks ♪

♪ Cleveland rocks ♪

[echoing] Ohio!

[instrumental music]

Uh, what's the little table for?

I didn't know your neighbors had kids.

They don't, but there's not enough room for everybody

to sit comfortably at the big table, so...

No. No, no, no.

Why do Oswald and I always have to sit at the kiddie table?

I hate it. I hate it!

Lewis!

The Clemens are our guests.

Get a grip

on your little plastic cup

at the kiddie table.

- 'Ha-ha..' - Look. Everybody behave.

And it'd be nice of the neighbors if they don't sue me

for drenchin' their house with beer.

By the way

no more sneaking over there for Beersicles.

- Well, we wouldn't do that. - Don't deny it.

'Cause I recognize the drunken snow angels.

Snow angels? We were just tryin' to get back up.

(Greg) 'Janet, do we have to go to dinner next door?'

'I don't wanna spend two hours in Carey's house.'

- 'He's creepy.' - 'He's not creepy.'

(Janet) 'His friends, they're creepy.'

'Did I tell you that you can see his bathroom'

'from our bedroom window?'

'Do you know what I caught him doing in the shower'

'the other night?'

'For 20 minutes, until his arms gave out?'

'Eating!'

(Greg) 'Alright, come on. Let's get this over with.'

Hey, the Clemens are comin'.

[knocking on door]

Hi! Sorry it took me so long to get to the door.

I was just gettin' out of the shower.

[laughing]

[door shuts]

Uh, hey, why don't we all sit down and chat before dinner?

Ah...

Well, isn't this an adventure?

What the hell are we gonna talk about?

Oh, Carey, uh, uh, what do you think of the new bond issue?

Well, I think it's gonna add about two cents of tax

on every dollar. Let me tell you something, buddy.

I'm not gonna pay it!

You know what I think?

What's wiggly and has ten eyes?

[screaming]

Do not put those back in the dish!

(Drew) A toast.

To our neighbors.

May you always be friends

and never be plaintiffs.

[chuckles]

Don't worry, Drew. We're not gonna sue.

Oh, thank God, now I don't have to worry about

eating out of fear against

eat out of depression over losing my business.

[clears throat]

Didn't you have insurance?

Well, we thought we mailed in the premium.

- Didn't we, Oswald? - Yes, we did.

- Didn't we, Lewis? - Yes, we did.

- Didn't we, Kate? - Yes, we did.

Didn't we, Drew?

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

[sighs]

Hey, you know what? This is pretty good.

It tasted different coming at my face at 35 miles an hour.

Everything does.

Yeah, this is good.

If I were you, I would try to find

some way to save the business.

Oh, there's no way, a new tank costs 10 to $15,000.

And you know what the worst part is, we were

actually starting to turn a profit.

If I may interject, I was just reading

an article in "The Wall Street Journal" that said

that microbreweries are going through the roof.

In fact, it's the second-fastest growing industry.

The first is butt-fors.

- What's a butt-for? - Well...

If you don't know what a butt's for

you better stop eating.

[laughing]

We're sorry, they're, they're really good kids.

They just get excited when we have company.

Too bad about the business, Carey, I wish

there was something we could do to help.

Yeah, but we could help, honey.

We've got that extra money to invest.

I didn't mean it. That's just what you say.

Hey, if you're lookin' for a place to invest your money

you could do worse than Buzz Beer.

Maybe you didn't hear me when I whispered to her.

But I didn't mean it. That's just what you say.

Yeah. Well, remember the last investment you talked me out of?

Uh, what was it called again? Oh, yeah.

- Starbucks! - Oh. Oh! Oh!

Okay, somebody drop the balloons

'cause it's the millionth time she's brought that up.

Mom, dad, stop fighting. You're ruining my birthday party.

[imitates sobbing]

Oh.

How about taking a chance once in a while?

You know, we don't always have to play everything so safe.

You're right. Alright. Let's take a chance.

- Go get the check book. - On my way.

(Janet) You know, isn't it funny how things change?

Yesterday you thought these people were a bunch of

drunken idiots, and now they're your business partners.

You were right, honey. Yeah. What can I say?

[laughs]

- Okay, I can say this. - Oh.

Now, I'm only doing this under one condition.

You make me the boss.

Unless you got a bigger investor.

Like the guy with the olives on his fingers.

Hey, look, uh, I need your help and everything

but what do you know about running a beer business?

I got a business degree from Kent State

and MBA from Northwestern, and I'm a junior partner

in one of the top investment firms in Ohio.

Oh, yeah, well, if you're so smart

how come you're living next door to me?

- Yeah. - Yeah. So smart.

[indistinct chatter]

Okay, okay.

How about this?

You make me the boss, and I guarantee you

I'll double your profits inside of two months.

Oh-ooh!

Okay, boss, but if you do something

we don't agree with it, we get the power to outvote you.

No, if you wanna double your money

you'll work hard and do whatever I say.

- Ooh. - Oh.

Alright, but every once in a while, you gotta let me win

a meaningless but symbolic victory.

- Okay. - Yes!

Yes! Yes!

[instrumental music]

Don't say it. I know I'm late.

Tell Mr. Wick I'll have the benefit performance package

on his desk today.

You told him that yesterday.

Well, since I'm wearing the same suit

maybe he'll think it's the same day.

Another, uh, hot date, huh?

Gee, I'd like to meet her.

Hi, I'm Mimi.

You could do a lot better than a loser like this.

[chuckles]

Good one.

[laughs]

[sobbing]

Oh, jeez, he's losin' it.

I'm sorry, Mimi, I'm just so tired. I just...

I got a new investor at Buzz Beer

and he's working me day and night.

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were under so much pressure.

Thanks, Mimi.

I was talking to your belt.

[laughs]

- Carey. - What are you doing here?

Clemens, I-I told you, you can't come down here.

Oh, I can't stop thinking about last night.

Your inventory disk, I've gotta have it right now.

Keep it down. My other boss will hear ya.

(Wick) Carey.

Well, well, well...

Who is this giving you orders?

This is my other boss.

Uh-huh. So you're the other boss.

Younger, too. What a surprise!

You've got some nerve coming in here.

Look, I guess this was gonna come up sooner or later.

But we're both adults. This is the '90s.

There's no reason we can't share him.

Is this what you want, Carey?

I don't know anymore!

Alright, let's be civilized.

I'll take the days, you take the nights, I'll throw in

the weekends if you give me every other lunch hour.

Fine, if I can have his vacations.

- Deal. - Wait a second.

You're dividing up my entire life. What if I wanna...

What if I get invited to... What if I get tickets for...

Hey, how come you people never invite me anywhere

or give me tickets to anything?

Oh, what are you complaining about, Carey?

I'm giving you a successful beer business.

Yes, and I'm giving you blah, blah

promises, promotion, blah, blah, blah.

This has all worked out terribly well, Clemens.

You're a heck of a boss, you know?

In fact...

Go on, give it a go.

- No, I couldn't. - Please, I insist.

Well, uh...

Johnson. Get a load of this.

What's black and white and can fire you?

Us! Heh! You're fired!

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

[laughing]

♪ Bum pum bum pum bum pum ♪

♪ Oh ah oh ah oh ah ♪

Come on, you guys. Work faster. I gotta be out of here by 7:00.

- I got a date. - Huh! A date?

Does this involve cruising the Internet?

No, I broke up with Zelda.com.

I met Pinky at DrugCo. She's a guinea pig.

Oh, good, I thought it was gonna be something weird.

No, no, she's not a realguinea pig.

She's a person who gets paid to test dangerous side effects

of experimental drugs.

- What does she look like? - 'Uh, right now..'

She's, uh, testing this pupil-dilating drug.

So she's got these big blue eyes.

And the patch of hair she has left is blond.

She sounds, uh...

- Where are you taking her? - Ah.

To Mario's. I mentioned Italian and her tail started wagging.

- Ah. - Ha-ha...

Two thousand and eight.

Two thousand and nine.

Two thousand and ten.

- Hey, Drew. - Ah!

[door shuts]

One, two.

Take it easy, Drew.

You've been up for two days straight.

I don't know how you're doing it.

Drew's little helpers.

Red, yellow, green. Plain peanut.

Hey, hey! Ha-ha-ha... How's team Buzz Beer?

(all) We'll have fun when the work is done

as soon as we are number one.

Somebody please give me a gun.

Drew, I bought you something that's gonna

make your life way easier.

What, are you gonna use that board to beat me

unconscious?

Lewis, Oswald, would you go out and

roll in the other two boards?

Yeah, if you tape a broom to our ass

we could sweep the floor, too.

What was that? What? What was that?

Well, I was just suggesting, if you tape a broom to our ass

we could sweep the floor, too!

- I'll think about it. - Great going, Oswald.

Now we're gonna have brooms taped to our asses.

- Excuse me? - I said, "Great going, Oswald."

"Now we're gonna have brooms taped to our asses!"

Hi-didlee-dee!

Lewis, you're getting giddy and weird.

- Go home. - Yes, sir.

Oh, boy. I hope the guinea-pig girl is still free for dinner.

I still got three hours before the night sweats set in.

[door shuts]

Hey, hey there, uh, Mr., Mr. Clemens.

Didlee-didlee-doo!

Nice try. You and O'Brien go get the other two boards.

Carey, now this is a map of our sales territory.

Now the blue pins represent bars that already sell Buzz Beer.

The red pins represent potential sales clients.

Now we don't rest until every red pin is blue!

What do you say, Carey?

Doodlie-doodlie-hoodle!

[rattling]

Harvey, Kate, would you put the other board over there?

Thank you.

All of these are gonna be a big help, Carey.

Now, one's our profit projections and the other's

and the other's a flowchart of our supply and demand

updated daily, and the best part is, it'll all be here

for easy reference.

Oh, does seem more efficient.

Strangely, cozy and familiar.

I feel right at home for some reason.

[telephone ringing]

Hello, Winfred-Louder. Oh, my God, I'm in a cubicle!

Hey, uh, call me at work tomorrow when I'm not so busy.

Alright, I want this stuff out of here right now.

Yeah, and I'm not taping a broom to my butt, either.

[door opens]

Greg, what are you doing over here? We're late for the party.

What are you trying to do to these people?

It's Saturday night.

I can't go, honey, I gotta stay here

and protect our investment.

Fine. I'm going without you.

Don't worry, Greg. We'll go after her.

Door's open. Run.

Man, you know, if I was you, I'd go after her right now

before I even gave one more order.

Man, I would just fly out of here, man, just go.

I wouldn't be here. I'd be there.

Fly, fly like the wind!

Whoosh, whoosh!

Whoosh!

- Whoosh... - Nah, nah, nah.

The best thing to do is just bury ourselves in work.

Man, come on. Let's hit the books.

Ah, so you're out of work again, huh?

I know something we could do, but it's, uh

long hours and hard labor.

What?

Quality control.

I hereby declare this tank is good!

[laughing]

Hey, Drew, you think I'm a tight-ass?

Hey, told you that a half hour ago.

Now yours is a tight-ass that doesn't listen. Ha.

You know, Janet used to love

that I was a take-charge kind of guy.

Oh, you know, the problem is, Clemens, is you plan too much.

You know, before you came along, Buzz Beer was making

half the money, we were having twice as much fun.

Hey, I can be as fun and crazy as anybody. Okay? Even you!

Hey! You're talking to Mr. Fun, pal!

Fun built this body!

I bet you wouldn't even dream of

doing some of the things I wanna do.

You know, your neighbor, Robinson, on the other side

who, even though Christmas is gone

still has his Christmas lights up?

[chuckles] I thought I'd go on over there, man

and pull all those lights and decorations down!

That's about it, that's pretty crazy, huh?

You know, there's rules about this kind of thing.

January first the lights come down

you're hungover or not!

You thinking what I'm thinking?

I'll show you how spontaneous I can be, Carey.

I'm gonna go home, change into some clothes

I don't mind getting dirty, grab my messages, get a flashlight

and then we're gonna come back and draw up a plan

and go do this!

You're out of control, Clemens!

Come on, let's take you on a walk on the wild side.

Am I walking yet?

Help me up.

[instrumental music]

[dog barking]

- Uh... - Ah! That dog's following us!

- He's got our scent! - No, he's following the cord!

- We're still plugged in! - Ah...

[panting] We gotta cut this cord!

I'm not going back to the chain gang, man!

- What are you talking about? - Uh, it just felt right.

Let's hide in here!

[door creaking]

[panting]

[laughing]

See how great it feels to cut loose, huh?

Uh, I...

I'll never forget you rolling down that roof.

[chuckles] I mean, I forgot just a minute ago

but it just came back to me!

[rumbling]

What's that? It sounds, sounds like thunder.

[rumbling]

It's the tank! Oh!

It's gonna blow!

[indistinct yelling]

[rumbling]

Oh!

[screaming]

[beer tank explodes]

[bottles clinking]

I knew it, I let down my guard

for one minute, and look what happens!

Think this makes me look good?

You know, your garage blows up enough times

people start to talk.

Is everybody alright? What happened?

Oh, we're fine, your husband

forgot to connect the heater to the pipes

and the tank blew up.

- He plied me with liquor! - Hey, you bet I did.

I was trying to talk some sense into you

loosen you up a little bit.

You know what I shouted out when my garage blew up?

Yay!

That's not right.

What are you guys arguing about?

We just lost everything, we're out of business.

Nope, Mr. Plans-Too-Much insured the tank.

Yeah, maybe we're still out of business

'cause we're not gonna come back to work for you.

You know why? 'Cause you're mean.

And it really hurts me to say that 'cause I really like you.

Y-you like me?

Yeah, I do.

Heh, it's funny

'cause I don't like you.

Can't believe you didn't pick up on that.

But you're right, since no one else is gonna come work for free

and I don't wanna lose my money

I guess I'll try being nicer to you.

What do you say?

You're not gonna kiss me, are you?

No, he's gonna kiss me.

[chuckles] Now come on home.

I wanna take advantage of you in this condition.

[chuckling]

Whoo, whoo.

- Oh. Hey, how's it going? - Oh! Hey, hi. How are you?

[door shuts]

- Garage blew up again, huh? - Yeah, it was really bad.

There was beer and foam and crap just shooting everywhere.

How'd your date with guinea-pig girl go?

Hm, except for the foam, pretty much the same thing.

[instrumental music]

You know, you don't have to settle for someone like him.

With a little makeup, you know, you could be a real knockout.

Little lipstick.

A little blush.

Why don't you give him a nice little smack on the lips?

Uh.. What's going on here?

A first for you. Waking up with a girlfriend.

[laughs]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]