Original subtitles

[coffee dripping]

[tapping]

[yawning]

(Drew) 'Hey, ha-ha.'

♪ Three four ♪

♪ Three four ♪

♪ Three four ♪

♪ Three four ♪

♪ Aah aah aah aah aah aah aah aah ♪

♪ Aah aah aah aah ♪

♪ All this energy callin' me ♪

♪ Back where it comes from ♪

♪ It's such a crude attitude ♪

♪ It's back where it belongs ♪

♪ All the little kids growing up on the Skids ♪

♪ Go Cleveland rocks Cleveland rocks ♪

♪ Jumpin' Jene Jene and movin' James Dean ♪

♪ Go Cleveland rocks Cleveland rocks ♪

♪ Cleveland rocks Cleveland rocks ♪

♪ Mama knows but she don't care ♪

♪ She's got her worries too ♪

♪ Seven kids and a phony affair ♪

♪ And the rent is due ♪

♪ All the little chicks with their crimson lips ♪

♪ Go Cleveland rocks Cleveland rocks ♪

♪ Livin' in sin with a safety pin ♪

♪ Go Cleveland rocks Cleveland rocks ♪

♪ Cleveland rocks Cleveland rocks ♪

♪ I've got some records from World War II ♪

♪ I play 'em just like me granddad do ♪

♪ He was a rocker and I am too ♪

♪ Go Cleveland rocks ♪

♪ Yeah Cleveland rocks ♪

♪ Cleveland rocks Cleveland rocks ♪

♪ Cleveland rocks ♪

[echoing] Ohio!

[instrumental music]

Game.

It's not fair. You were born in a pool hall.

No, Drew. I told you I was born

in the wagon of a travellin' show.

My mama used to dance for the money they'd throw.

[window opening]

Okay, my show's over.

You can come back in and watch hockey now.

How come he's always gotta be by himself

when he watches "Babylon 5?"

[snap]

You guys coming?

No, I wanna see if there's...

...any way in hell Kate can make that shot again.

Yeah, like you haven't been humiliated

by enough women in your lifetime.

Wait a second, is this the...

...beginning of a relationship or...

...was last night just a one time thing?

Well, if you can do that every night...

...it will be a relationship.

Well, what if I wanna talk every now and again?

Oh, great, I've got a talker.

You know, I never thought you'd wanna see another hockey game

after you got hit in the head by that puck.

I played hockey?

[doorbell ringing]

Yeah, don't you remember that summer

you learned to walk again?

Didn't that seem redundant?

- Mr. Carey? - Yeah.

Hi, I'm Nicki Fifer from Noreo Realtors.

I'm working for the couple buying the house next door.

Oh, I thought I spotted someone moving over there

with my binoculars.

- Come on in. - Thanks.

- Hi. - 'Hi there.'

Wow.

I love what you've done with this place.

It's so... retro.

I mean, you must know some great vintage stores.

Yeah, it's where I got my head.

Yeah! You don't see any of the old, square ones anymore.

So, listen, you're gonna be happy to know

your new neighbors are really fixing up the place.

They're putting in a pool

a brick barbecue, and a Japanese garden.

Hey, money's movin' in next door.

We're gonna be peein' in a Japanese garden.

Anyway, um

with all that work going on

they don't have anywhere to put the construction dumpster

and they were hoping

you'd let them put it in your yard.

I'll tell you, I'll make you a deal.

Uh, you could put the dumpster in my yard

if they don't start before 7:30 in the morning.

Oh, sorry, they're on a tight schedule

but we'll take you up on that dumpster offer.

Thank you, Mr. Carey.

- Nice to meet you. - 'Okay, bye.'

Bye, come back any time.

Walk all over me 'cause I've no spine.

Why didn't I say no? I'll have a stupid dumpster in my yard.

Why didn't you say no?

Uh, they would have found some other way to screw me.

I always get screwed by the system.

That's my place in the universe.

I'm the system's bitch.

You know, that's your problem, Drew.

You just roll over too quickly.

Like at work, with all your promotions.

They say no, and you just accept it.

Well, I'm sure they have their reasons.

What about the delivery guy

who bought your pizza without any onions?

And he wouldn't take it back, and you gave in

and took it the way it was.

Oh, my God.

I never thought of it that way.

- See? Now he get's it. - Yeah. Mm-hmm.

I ordered onions. Extra onions.

And what did I get? Nothin'.

Is it too much to ask to put a couple

of extra stinkin' onions on a pizza?

Hey, Drew. Look. There goes the point.

- 'Oh!' - 'Oh!'

Well, from now on, it's no more Mr. Nice Guy.

You know, from now on, I'm getting what I want.

I'm not taking no for an answer.

Lewis, you owe me $20.

I don't have that kind of money on me.

Give me the money.

[groaning]

Oh, oh, you hurt me, you hurt me, you hurt me, ow!

Oh, I'm sorry, man. I'm, don't even worry about the money, huh?

Oh, I won't, 'cause here it is.

Huh? You just rolled over, huh? Now, fetch.

Oh, it's above your head. It's behind your butt. There it is.

[mumbling]

(Drew on computer) And I hope you'll agree with my idea

to advertise on the internet.

In short, geeks have a shot.

I know it because I am one.

I also like to thank our parent company

back in Amsterdam for making this, uh

teleconference possible. How are you doin'?

I'm gonna go down to my office downstairs now.

[laughs] Okay, I'm just kiddin' around.

I gotta go now. Bye.

[humming]

Good morning, pig's friend.

(Mrs. Louder on computer) 'I'd like to take this opportunity..'

- What's going on? - Nothing.

Look, look, look. We don't want any trouble.

Drew just tapped into the teleconference

so I could watch his presentation

and help evaluate it.

- I'm telling. - Okay, okay, okay, wait!

What do you want?

Do you still work in Cosmetics?

Yeah.

Tomorrow, a crate of blush falls off the back of the truck.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

So what is that, like, a week's supply?

Yeah. What are you? My biographer?

Hey, so did you see me on the computer?

How did I look?

Like you ate one too many megabytes.

[laughs]

- How did she know? - Don't worry. I bought her off.

Wait, don't turn that off. That's the new Drew.

Remember fighting back and taking chances?

I wanna get to find out what they say about me

when I walk out the door.

Okay. Who am I?

Not only should we be on the internet

but I think we should have billboards on the moon.

'Cause I'm a geek and a loser.

It could have been worse, Drew, at least they didn't tape

some nasty sign on your back.

Like sand through the hour glass.

These are the stinkin' days of my life.

(Mrs. Louder) 'Lock the door, Larry.'

Do you know what day it is?

Wednesday?

(Mrs. Louder) 'That's right.'

Hump Day.

Fine, let's do it.

Oh, my God!

(Mrs. Louder) 'Today, I'm Jane of the jungle'

and you're the wild monkey boy.

'What's the matter, monkey boy?'

'You look sad.'

Why can't I have Mr. Wick's job?

He hasn't been to the last three meetings.

If I was store manager, you could bet I'd be here everyday.

You know what else?

I'm an American.

That jerk! He can't do that to Mr. Wick.

I'm gonna go right up there and tell...

(Mrs. Louder) 'It's time for the monkey dance.'

[Larry screeching]

Maybe tomorrow.

Dinner time!

You spoil me,mami. I mean, Mimi.

I can't thank you enough for taking me in

after that terrible storm.

Is the store still in ruins?

Nothing but rubble.

The defiant Carey's head yet?

Nope.

I think it's probably where it's always been.

Up his butt!

[laughs]

Ah, it's good to laugh again.

Okay, uh, to keep your mind sharp

let's try a few decision-making exercises.

Alright.

Let's say...

...Larry was sleeping with Mrs. Louder

and bad-mouthing you

what would you do?

Well, the old Wick would have blackmailed Louder

and then crushed Larry like a bug.

Interesting.

But the new Wick that's danced with death

would settle it with a pillow fight

followed by Jell-O for everyone.

Okay, well, you made sense for a minute there.

So you get that big bowl of Jell-O.

Oh, you spoil me.

Is there nothing I can do for you?

Oh, well...

I'll wait till you get your full strength back...

...'cause you're gonna need it.

Here are those files you asked for, Drew.

- Hi, Oswald. - Hey, Kate.

What are you doing here?

I don't know. What are you doing here?

Hey, as long as we're all here, let's go to lunch.

Uh, actually, we have, well, I have plans...

But I don't know about Kate, if Kate--

No, I have plans. Ha.

What are you doing?

Me?

I'm... feeling faint.

Oswald, you tell him what your plans are

and then when I come to, I'll tell him what my plans are.

[thud]

Hmm...

My plans...

Uh, I'm working through lunch.

Errands.

I was gonna run errands.

Alright, what's goin' on here?

(Kate and Oswald) 'Larry'!

Well, I wanna thank you, Carey.

You and your Peeping Tom computer here

just got me fired.

What?

You let Mimi watch me make monkey love

to Mrs. Louder.

So, Mimi can't fire you.

No, but Wick can.

She told him, and he sent the memo to Louder.

Said he'd blow the whistle on our affair unless I got canned.

That's freakin' blackmail.

You know, Drew, this sounds private.

Sad and private.

But I'll tell you what, we will have lunch with you.

We'll see you at the restaurant.

- Yeah. - Alright. Which one?

[mumbling]

What?

[gibberish]

- Yeah. - What? Where?

[gibberish]

What were you thinking, Carey?

What kind of sick pleasure you get out of watching me

and the boss at it? I mean, me, I gotta be there.

(female #1) 'Larry!'

Great, it's my wife. She doesn't know about me and Louder.

Shut up.

I came down as soon as I got your message.

Don't worry, you'll get through this.

Yes, we will, baby. Yes, we will.

No, you will.

And I ain't your baby, ya fat, loser bastard.

I'm keeping the kids and kicking you out of my house.

What are you looking at?

Probably my life if I got married

right out of high school.

T-t-this-this is crazy. W-w-what are you saying?

If things work out...

I know about you and old lady Louder.

By the way, I never thought bald was cute.

Let me buy you lunch, Larry.

Oh, hey, Almada, I got your severance pay.

[laughs]

Well, I hope you're both happy.

Well, we're laughing, ain't we?

[laughs]

I'm sorry it didn't work out, Larry.

Yeah, take it easy, tuts.

Well, I suppose you're proud of yourself, Carey.

Look, I had no idea Mimi was gonna see that

and tell Mr. Wick. I-I'm really sorry.

Oh, really?

You know damn well you were next in line

for Larry's position on the board.

I was?

Yes.

Well, anyway, here's your pass to the executive dining room

and your key to the company gym.

You can use it for a paperweight or something.

I can't believe I finally got on the board.

Yes! Ow!

I...pulled a muscle.

I'm used to going, "Damn." I'm not used to going, "Yes!"

Ow! Damn!

Anyway, finally I got on the board. Wooh!

Oh, come on!

Would you two get some table manners here?

Between you and the popcorn, and kickin' the popsicles

you're grossing me out.

Be right back with the corn dogs and the tacos.

Hey, Drew.

Did you see the front yard?

See all the crap the construction workers

left out there, you know I'm yelling

but I got this big smile on my face?

'Cause I'm the new employee rep on the board of directors.

- Woohoo! Alright! - That's great news, Drew.

But wouldn't you rather earn the job

than have it fall into your hands

'cause some poor co-worker got screwed over?

[laughs]

That's a good one, Kate, why don't you tell me the one

about how I turned down a date with Uma Thurman

'cause she was too drunk?

[laughing]

[knock on door]

And I found the perfect way to get rid

of that stuff in my front yard.

Why, hello, Nicki.

- Come on in. - Thanks.

Listen, I'm sorry to bother you, Drew, but, uh...

...you have a dog?

Yes.

Does he ever go to the bathroom in other people's yards?

He doesn't ask me. I don't ask him.

Does he usually put it in a paper bag

and write, "Take this"on it?

Look, I'm not saying who did what.

All I'm sayin' is you get that porta-potty

out of my front lawn, it will stop happening.

I'm sorry, Drew, but that's the only place they can put it.

Look, I'm not takin' no for an answer.

One other thing...

[clears throat]

...I want you to go out with me on Saturday night.

I'm sorry. I can't.

Oh, I-I didn't even think to ask.

You're probably seeing somebody.

- No. - 'Drew!'

Look what's on TV tonight.

"Shut Up Now And Save Your Pride."

It's a repeat.

Look, uh...

Look, Drew, it has nothing to do with you.

Really, it's just...

I really don't wanna go into it right now

but I'll take care of everything else you ask for.

And, uh, thanks again.

I...screwed up again.

I gave in too easy.

[knock on door]

Hey, looks like she likes guys who give in too easy.

Just to let you know, I'm free on Friday night too.

(Larry) 'You're free every night, Carey.'

'Now open up the door, or I'll kick it in.'

Larry, what are you doing here?

Got no money, no home, no family

and you're livin' all alone in this big house.

'All alone..'

Oh...

- You wear Jockey's or boxers? - Boxers.

Come on in.

[banging on door]

(Drew) 'I'm coming. I can hear you.'

Hello, Carey. Where is Larry?

Mrs. Louder, have you been drinking?

Have you been eating?

[laughs]

Larry!

Well, uh...

Hello, Fran.

What brings you by?

What I came by for, Larry, was to give you this.

Don't ever tell anyone about us.

Larry Almada's not for sale. I'm kidding.

By the way, since we're being so bluntly honest

Drew took your job on the board.

Have a nice night, boys.

I didn't plan it. It just happened. I swear to God.

You may have won a little victory, Carey

but you're gonna regret it.

You're not cut-throat enough.

Me?

I could cut off your head

put it on my bed post

take my hat off to you every morning and say, "Hello."

But you, deep down, you're a nice guy.

The guilt's gonna eat you alive.

Oh, yeah? You don't scare me, Almada.

The new Drew is ruthless. I'm pure evil.

I'm gonna keep this job, no matter what.

By the way, if it gets cold down there

there's an extra blanket in the hope chest.

But it's real scratchy!

Hello, Carey.

Do you know what day it is?

I know it's not Hump Day.

No.

It's Fire Mimi Day.

What's that?

Listen.

Do you hear church bells ringing?

And look over there, it's a rainbow.

So when are you firing her?

No, you are firing her.

Oh, I didn't even get you anything.

Put these jewelry into her purse.

I'll alert security.

When they catch her, you can fire her.

Oh, uh, do we have to set her up like that?

I mean, there's gotta be a million reasons to fire her.

Besides, I don't wanna stick my hand in her purse.

I need a henchman on the board, Carey.

That was Larry's job and you took it so coldly

I just assumed you could handle something like this.

Okay, give me the jewelry.

Now this isn't gonna happen.

I resign from the board. I feel bad enough.

I'm not gonna sell my soul...

...just for a better parking space and...

...and a lousy fillet with...

...madeira sauce and broccoli florets

and new red potatoes with just a hint of basil and...

...for desert, your choice of chocolate mousse

or cherry cheese cake.

It's just not worth it.

What a boob.

Drew's got the stolen jewelry!

Security!

'Security!'

Try to be nice.

♪ Aah aah aah aah aah aah aah aah ♪

♪ All this energy callin' me ♪

♪ Back where it comes from ♪