Original subtitles

WOMAN: Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome

to Lenny Bray!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's an extraordinary feeling, to think of something...

..off the top of your head that makes people laugh.

It's a gift.

The perfect version of a modern man. Attractive.

Very funny, which I think is very important.

"PS, my mum, brackets Jackie, loves you."

MAN: And the winner is...

Lenny Bray for Glass Houses.

CHEERING

DOOR CLOSES

Maggie. Maggie! Please!

I don't want to go to bed on an argument,

especially not about something so stupid as this.

SLIDING DOOR CLOSES

Could we just...? MAGGIE: What, sleep?

Yes! How am I supposed to go to sleep

when this will probably be all over the sodding papers tomorrow?

You can sleep fine because you know it's all lies.

Nothing happened. EMPHATICALLY: Nothing happened.

The neighbours don't know that, do they?

I've never even met this woman. Well, I know that.

Nobody else does.

HE SIGHS, WATER RUNNING

Are we gonna do this every time there's a bogus allegation?

ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH WHIRRS

God. Bloody ridiculous. CABINET DOOR SLAMS

And the cleaner doesn't know it's a lie.

Oh. If we're worried about what the cleaner thinks of us,

maybe we shouldn't employ her to clean the house.

What I'm saying is, it's humiliating.

I don't even know who this woman is!

She could be made up, for all I know.

I can still hate it.

I can still hate how attritional it is.

Th-This is like being accused of having an affair

with the tooth fairy.

TEARFULLY: It can still make me feel rubbish.

Look... she's crazy, just like the rest of them.

It's just endless crap, years of bullshit.

Every single one of them disappears

the moment they get a stern letter just pointing out

there's no basis for any of it.

There's no evidence - nothing.

Nothing happened. It's all made up.

But the papers still go with it cos I'm me.

Look, these sheets, yeah?

They're Egyptian cotton, and they've barely seen our bum cheeks

cos we've been in the Maldives.

That's the life we have.

And the price we pay for it is these... liars and maniacs.

But why am I telling you this? You know this.

Hmm.

You're a psychotherapist, for God's sake.

I'm sorry.

Just let them write it.

Let them write whatever they want.

"TV funnyman shags burrito" - whatever.

SHE CHUCKLES

There's never been anyone else.

I tell you every day.

I love you. Yeah?

Past the edges of time.

BANGING

What was that?

PHONE CHIMES, BANGING CONTINUES

DOORBELL RINGS

Should we press the buzzer? It's in the kitchen.

Well, he might need something. He... He could be dangerous.

He might need help. So we should call the police.

What, because he rang the doorbell? Yes.

DOORBELL RINGS INSISTENTLY

Oh, my God. Shit.

Shit.

WHISPERS: Quick! Yeah, yeah.

Oh, Jesus.

Please. They attacked me. Who attacked you?

GRUNTS: They took my bike and my phone.

Who? I don't know.

Oh. My phone's upstairs.

I'll call you an ambulance. No. Please.

What do you need?

You're the only one that answered.

Do you want to come in, or...?

Can you stand?

I, er... HE GRUNTS

OK. Come on.

STRAINS: Let's just... Up we get.

OK, let's get you sorted out.

You should just... Here, sit here, sit here.

Here. Here, sit here. OK?

Sorry. No, don't be ridiculous.

I know it's late. Erm...

Did you hit your head? Are you bleeding?

I really think we ought to call you an ambulance, you know?

It's OK. You collapsed.

I think it was just the shock. I don't know.

You might be concussed. It's just my shoulder.

You sure about that?

I just need, er... some water. Right. Of course. Yeah.

It was, what? Was it randoms or...?

Er, I was... I was delivering pizza.

I was going to number 20, I got the money, and they...

they just come out of nowhere.

We should definitely call the police.

Wouldn't have thought they'd be able to do anything.

You've been robbed. They'll be long gone.

Well, probably, but... When my flat got broken into,

the police, they didn't even turn up.

Oh, yeah, but they're a bit quicker round here, mate.

No.

No, please. Er... but thank you.

I'll... I'll go to the station. I just need to get my shit together.

No problem. No, please.

I don't have my licence. Oh.

It's only part-time, to help me pay my way through uni.

I can't afford to lose this job.

Well, you should definitely report it.

I will, I promise.

And learn to drive. Yeah.

They can't be allowed to get away with it.

It's fucking feral. What were they, kids?

17, 18 maybe. But they were big.

Hopped up on Minecraft and balloons?

And they were fast. Don't usually get that round here.

If there's trouble round here, it's all planning consent

for basement pools.

People who can afford a basement pool

don't usually kick your head in.

HE CHUCKLES

Could've done without them stealing my shoes.

Yeah, why would they do that?

Dunno. They're old as well. All the leather's coming off.

Maybe they're mending them. Maybe they're feral cobblers.

There you go.

Can I get you a shirt or...? Mm.

Yeah, please. If you don't mind.

Yeah, I could stretch to a shirt.

I've got some old trainers here somewhere, if I can find them.

I don't know where anything is.

The cleaner moves things around like a mouse.

Though without the incontinence. MAN CHUCKLES

Oh. Oh.

Oh, my God, I'm sorry.

Er, are you OK?

Hi. DOOR CLOSES

LENNY: Found one.

Jumped by some kids out delivering pizza.

God, who was it? Teenage mutant ninja wankers.

MAN GRUNTS

Jesus. Are you hurt?

It's OK.

What do you need? I'm fine, honestly.

You don't look great. Huh.

They came for your money, she's just coming for your self-esteem.

I didn't mean that. I mean, we should call an ambulance.

It's just my shoulder.

You collapsed.

It's just shock. I'm... I'm feeling...

OK, did you call the police? No.

I can do that for you.

KEYPAD TONES

Wait. He's gonna go to the station when he's got his breath back.

Right.

GRUNTS

Well, erm, did he give you food? Would you like a sandwich?

How quickly do you think I can make a sandwich?

Oh, wait. Cream. In a sandwich?

Antiseptic for the... the cuts. Please.

You don't have to do anything. Nonsense.

Let me make you a sandwich.

OK, if it's not too much trouble. Erm...

What do we have? Do you like kimchi?

He's a victim of violence, he's not a mystery diner.

SHE CHUCKLES

Just ignore his bad jokes.

I do - daily.

Don't slice that too thick - you'll ruin his sandwich.

For a minute, we thought you were, erm, a crazy fan or something.

Like New York. Yeah. He was intense.

He showed up at, like, one in the morning.

More like three. Wouldn't leave.

Made me sign his arse.

Oh, my God, you're Lenny Bray.

Oh, I'm sorry. Nuh-uh. That's all right, honestly.

LENNY CHUCKLES SOFTLY

I didn't realise that you were... you.

Oh, well... My head's... My head's all...

In your defence, I wasn't this fat 25 years ago, though.

Erm, I like your show.

I mean, I've only seen a few episodes.

You're forgiven on the grounds that you were a child when I made them.

That's true.

Oh, I like to be reminded of my own mortality.

MAGGIE CHUCKLES

I mean, you are probably tired of hearing this all the time,

but they were really funny.

You're joking?

If he doesn't hear it three times a day, he gets IBS.

LAUGHS

I like the American version, too.

Oh, yeah... Cos it was funnier?

Yeah, well, it paid for this house.

And your bee venom facials.

Why don't you show him the wall?

Oh, no. People like it.

It has all his, erm, memorabilia and silly trophies.

Come on.

He's had a dreadful evening.

It would be cool.

What, to be reminded of how fantastic I was?

Ah, OK. Quickly, though.

Oh-ho, wow.

Nice to have.

Are these all the people you made that show with?

Final ep. Last day, I think.

That's amazing. Good memories.

People really loved that show, huh? I've been "lucky".

CHUCKLES

Lenny, is it true that you wrote that first one by hand?

What? The script for the first episode.

Yeah.

Your sandwich'll be... Can I get an autograph?

Is that still a thing? It's like getting smallpox, innit?

Well, I don't have a phone.

People won't believe that I met you otherwise.

OK.

Will you write me a message?

Sure, yeah. Who to?

Ben.

So, "Sorry you got beaten up on my road, Ben.

"They probably lack strong father figures"?

Or like... "I could never forget a day like this."

Or, you know, something.

Erm...

We could do a photo on Maggie's phone.

And then send it on, and...

And then you can get going.

I found the good cheese.

The cheddar had a full head of hair on it.

Great. Erm... maybe you could put that in a Tupperware.

Erm, he, er... Ben would like a quick photograph,

and we could send that on.

Right.

Ready?

Oh, that's lovely. OK.

Er, could we get one more for safety?

No, I think we've got it. I blinked.

Sure.

One, two, three.

Yes.

Perfect. Can I see it?

Erm, sure. And, erm, you can also just put your email in there...

Yeah. And I'll... I'll get you those trainers now, yeah?

So, what are you? A 9 or a 10, or...?

What... What if they come back? Who? The, erm...

The people that attacked me.

Well, then, we should call the police.

They can't help. Well, they might. They can't.

Then we should, erm, call the delivery people

and see if they can send somebody.

It's... It's an Indian restaurant. They'll be closed by now.

Not pizza?

Hey.

Listen, mate, I'm just gonna grab some trainers now,

and then we can be done.

OK? Hey?

And it's been really great to meet you,

and I'd love to talk some more, but it is late now,

and, you know, I need my funny sleep.

Whoa. OK. All right.

Listen, I'm really honoured that you love the show, OK?

I really... I mean that. I really mean that. It means a lot.

BEN EXHALES SHAKILY

But... when people are on TV, you know,

sometimes it's easy to forget that they're...

behind it all, you know, they're just ordinary

and they can get scared.

Yeah? And I don't want anyone to be scared.

Now. No!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. OK.

OK. We can... We can do some more photos, yeah?

You could take... take some stuff.

THEY GRUNT

Oh, Lenny! LENNY GROANS

No, don't you hurt him! Don't hurt him, please!

Listen, don't hurt him, please!

Your phone. What? Where?

Huh? In the bedroom.

You don't need to do this.

Please. I choose what happens.

OK, OK.

SOFTLY: Please. Please.

I choose what happens! OK. OK.

I choose what happens now. OK. OK.

Go! OK.

Get down.

Oh! Ah! Hey, Ben. Ben?

I know it might not feel like it, but things can still go well.

And maybe y-you don't believe me, but you should.

You should.

I'm sorry. No, you're not.

Why wouldn't I be sorry? Because I just tied you up.

Ben? Ben. Please talk to me.

Why did you come here?

Hey. Hey. I'm listening, OK?

No-one ever listens to me.

Who doesn't listen to you?

Ben, please talk to me. No!

Hey. Hey, I'm just... I'm just asking a question, OK?

You don't get to ask me questions. Right, OK. OK. But...

let's not rush things here, all right?

All my life... no-one's ever listened to me.

I'm listening to you. I'm listening to you right now.

When I was four, I got my first new family.

When I cried cos I was scared because I wanted my mum...

..you know what they did?

They put me in the furthest room.

The one with the heavy door.

They couldn't hear me from there.

That sounds like an awful experience.

And not one of them cared

about a single thing that ever came out of my mouth.

And is that why you're here? Revenge?

You want revenge on the world somehow?

Because if that is, then I totally understand.

The world hasn't been that nice to you,

but do you think this is gonna help? Hurting us?

Is that who you think I am?

I think we could all be pushed to revenge if somebody hurts us, but...

the question is, can we stop ourselves?

Should we stop ourselves?

Where's the script?

What? The script, the first one.

The first one that you wrote.

Is that...? Is that what this is about?

Is that what you want?

What, do you want...?

You want a memento, like a fucking souvenir? Lenny.

Y-You break in my house, you bust my ribs,

you scare my wife... Lenny.

..for that?

What, so you can show it off? So, be like a fan? Leonard.

Where is the fucking script?! I'm listening, OK?

I'm listening to you. I'm listening to you right now.

No, it's in the safe! It's in the safe.

In the office.

It's... It's 2-0...

..2-3... 2-3-0-4-8-1.

Just take it. Take it.

Take whatever you want and go.

Agh! Shut up.

LENNY GRUNTS

You stay here. OK? What?

I'm gonna go press the button. What? Maggie!

Maggie, what if he comes back for me?

I'm gonna get us some help.

MOUTHS

DOOR CLOSES

BEEPING

DRAWER OPENS

UNDER BREATH: Shit.

Come on.

GLASS SMASHES

SHE GRUNTS

COOKER BEEPS

SHAKILY: Just... Easy.

Just... Just...

You should go now.

I've just... pressed the alarm, and the police are coming.

They are on their way right now.

No-one's coming.

SHE WHIMPERS SOFTLY: Hey.

It's OK.

It's OK.

I'm sorry.

BEN CHUCKLES

Look, you've got all you want. Just leave us alone, please.

I'm used to people wanting me to go away.

Oh, I can't think why (!)

By the time I was 18,

I'd had so many names, I didn't know who I was any more.

I must've knocked on a hundred doors

asking to see my case files, trying to find out.

They said they lost them...

..that they were burnt in a fire.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

The system contorts to protect itself.

I said, get out.

Must've worked with a lot of people on that show.

Yeah. Hundreds.

Cast. Crew.

It takes a lot of hands on deck to make something like that.

All because of something you made up.

EXHALES That's a big responsibility.

Nature of the beast.

Nature of the beast.

Tell me you're not one of these internet tosspots

who didn't like the ending.

You want me to rewrite it?

Like fucking Misery. Is that what this is about?

They're not commodities, are they?

What? These people.

You might get out, move on to the next thing, walk away,

but if you use them...

..they get hurt.

Oh, is that what this is about? You want me to confess to...

What? Being a prick? Being a showbiz prick?

Someone who was nasty to your favourite characters?

You wanna cancel me?

OK, right. You're right.

Throw a canape into a room full of people I worked with,

you're probably gonna hit someone I was a wanker to.

You know, like actors, directors, producers.

Everything you've heard's probably true.

Is that what you want to hear? The rich man regrets things?

Well, if it makes you happier, yeah. Why not? I regret it.

But I was just trying to make something good, you know?

And maybe you're here because I did.

I got my case files in the end.

A lot of the pages were black. There was so much stuff redacted.

But I did get a picture of my mum. The only one I've got.

And...

..there was this.

When she wrote this, I could barely write my own name.

Do you remember her?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Production assistant, first series.

Made coffee, probably, fetched lunch.

You said yourself, I worked with a lot of people.

I think you'd remember my mother.

Well, untie me, and we can go through my contacts.

How about that?

Her name...

..was Nell.

You don't remember her. Who is that?

Apparently, someone who handed me an almond croissant

a quarter of a century ago.

Yeah, she knew you.

A lot of people know me. Yeah, but she wrote about you.

A lot of people write about me.

"One minute, he says he loves me, and the next, he's so terrible,

"I feel like he'd rather I was dead."

Is this a joke? I don't even know her.

"And I know all the reasons why I should live,

"but I can't do it any more."

Leonard?

I swear, I remember her taking me to your set.

I definitely remember being excited, being happy.

How long did it take you to ruin all that?

Because...

she wrote this letter a year after you made that show.

No, no. Erm, that's impossible. We were together then.

Leonard, what is this?

It's just another liar wanting something he's not gonna get.

Go on, take the script.

You can take whatever you want and get out.

She says you told her to do it.

She says you told her maybe she should end it,

if being with you was making her so sad.

Come on.

Is that what you did? No.

Did you tell her to do it?

Look, I'm sorry to ruin your sad story.

I don't even remember meeting your mother,

never mind falling in love with her.

I sometimes wonder if...

..I was in the room when she wrote this.

Ben?

I'm so, so sorry for what happened to you.

I know it's tough.

I sometimes wonder if...

..if she meant for me to read this one day.

But you have to understand,

a lot of people say things about Lenny that just aren't true,

and... and these lies, we just have to deal with,

even if it's hard.

Maybe that's why she wrote it on the back of this.

"Dear Nelly... Sorry I had to leave so early.

"I just wanted to let you know...

"I could never forget a day like this."

Did you write that? Course I didn't.

Then why is it in your handwriting?!

Is this truly how pathetic and greedy you actually are?

You think you can make me pay you to go away with this horseshit?

Why did you say that you loved her if the opposite was true?

L-Leonard. I never said anything of the sort!

"I love you past the edges of time."

Did you tell her to do it?

Answer me!

Did you tell her to do it?!

I'll tell you what's not in your case file.

Your mother was a fruitcake.

Yeah.

I just told her to shit or get off the pot

if she's so unhappy.

And you know what? I did her a favour.

Shut up! I know I did because...

..I was there when it happened.

BEN ROARS

Lenny fucking Bray!

So, yes, I do remember your pathetic little mother.

I remember the look in her eyes.

Almost... It almost looked like a smile.

BEN ROARS

SOFTLY: You choose what happens.

BEN SOBS

You choose what happens. You choose.

You choose what happens.

It's OK.

It's gonna be OK.

Maggie.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Cut them.

Cut them. Maggie.

Yeah, yeah. Cut the ties.

Maggie, what are you doing? What are you...?

LENNY CRIES IN PAIN

HE STRAINS

Ah!

I'm... telling the police what happened.

What I found when I came out of the shower.

You...

..attacking this young man...

..because he came here to find out the truth about his mother.

And I stopped it.

What...? Shh!

WEAKLY: Maggie. Shh!

Maggie. Don't.

You know what this will do to me.

KEYPAD TONES

RINGING TONE

Shh.

RINGING TONE CONTINUES

OPERATOR: 'Thank you for calling 999. What's your emergency?'

# That joke's not funny any more

# That joke's not funny any more

# I am not who I was before

# That joke's not funny any more

# Cos you have shook me to the core

# So I am going to restore

# That joke's not funny any more. #

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0