Original subtitles

Fancy a tea?

Always.

Would you make me one while you're at it?

I'm reading.

What's this one about, then?

Oh, Arthur! I haven't marked my place.

Well, she probably dies in the end anyway.

They all die in the end, your books. No, they do not.

I'm reading.

Not any more.

TOGETHER: One, two, three...

Yes! Best of three.

Since when? Wha...

I demand a recount. Ref, VHS!

ARTHUR GIGGLES You mean VAR, you daft cow.

EDITH CHUCKLES Come on. Fair and square.

I'll get t'telly on. Ooh.

You all right?

Yeah. I won too enthusiastically. Twinged it.

Old man. Oi.

My old man.

For your information, the book's about a woman...

...who finds herself living a life that everybody says she should want.

Instead, she...

EDITH SIGHS

It's a comedy.

OMINOUS RUMBLING IN HER HEAD

BOILING KETTLE WHISTLES

OMINOUS RUMBLING STOPS

TV: 'I had a few in my head.' 'That's amazing.'

'That's impressive.' 'I was still on Pac-Man.'

'Yeah, I was thinking...

'OK, Carol and I...'

What channel is it?

You've found it every week for the last billion years,

I'm sure you can find it again.

Don't be a bitter loser. All right, give me the remote.

There's a new girl moved into number 12.

Well, woman.

God. It's AGES since anybody's moved into this street.

She's got a little one.

I didn't notice her husband,

but he could have been one of the lads shifting stuff.

Oh-ho!

God, we ought to go over and introduce ourselves.

Introduce them to the neighbourhood.

Yeah. Oh, because... it could be her first place.

It's comforting knowing that your neighbours are...

You know, that they're cronies

and that they're not gonna have mad parties in the middle of the night.

Or that they've got a weird dog. Found it.

Missed the garbage. TV: '..�14 million...'

Right, what are you gonna buy?

Oh, I don't know. Whatever I said last week.

Last week, you said, "Whatever I said last week."

Oh, well, maybe 10,000 weeks ago, I said something very wise.

POSH VOICE: Doesn't sound like you.

Well, I'll be trading you in for Carol Vorderman, obviously.

Yeah, well, maybe I'll just off you and take the money.

Probably owe half of it to the taxman anyway.

Maybe I'll just leave you.

Take all the cash and see how long it takes me to get out of this town.

And you wouldn't be able to chase me.

You wouldn't be invited.

You probably wouldn't even notice I was gone.

TV: 'Here comes your first number tonight.'

Oh, typical.

Focused on making your tea, and I didn't make myself one.

Yeah, we'll definitely go over tomorrow.

I know they'll be settling in and everything, but...

You know, it's so good somebody moving in

instead of people moving out.

TV: 'Your sixth and final main ball tonight, number 21.'

MUFFLED: God, it's years...

'Here comes the Bonus Ball, and it's...'

Oh, shush! Shut up.

Oh, OK, you. Just because you're champion...

For goodness sake, bloody shut up, Edith!

TV: '54, 7, 42 and 21. With the Bonus Ball, 25.'

We've won.

'Check your tickets, folks.' What?

We've won.

CHUCKLING: No, we haven't. Edith, Edith...

'Thanks for joining us...'

We've won. If this is some sort of a prank...?

Check the flipping ticket, woman. We've won.

Oh, my Lord.

We've won. Yes!

We've won. We've bloody won.

�14 million!

MUFFLED: 14 million.

Your shoulder.

ARTHUR CHUCKLES Other people might have won.

Who cares? It doesn't matter if there's another three.

SING-SONG: We've won. We've won. We've won.

THEY CHUCKLE

Here, calls for some Cham...

Have we still got that wedding Champagne?

Yeah! You...

We've won! We've won!

SHE CHUCKLES

HE SHOUTS IN DISTANCE

Having Champagne.

Champagne!

? We've won, we've won, we've won. ?

ECHOES: We've won!

We're gonna buy every diamond on the planet.

I don't think we can. Every diamond in Rawtenstall.

Ah. Come on, anything, tell me. Anything.

Oh! The only word I can think of is...

What? Satsuma.

HE CHUCKLES

14 million satsumas for Queen Edith.

I thought you said the taxman would take half.

Oh, we'll put the taxman on the payroll.

We'll put the taxman in a frilly maid's outfit, if you'd like?

Oh, I like. I would like very much.

Grab the glasses. Oh, yes, Your Majesty.

We'll buy the crown jewels.

And we'll buy a massive satsuma tiara for you.

And a new skeleton for me. Glasses.

Christ. Right, how do we get into this?

Oh, God.

This is...

Edith, this is...

We get to live.

Anything we've ever wanted. Edith, we get to...

A honeymoon.

53 years later, we get a honeymoon to somewhere sunny.

SPEECH FADES

POP Hey.

Can you move any slower, Thistle? Oh, sorry.

SHE CHUCKLES

14 million. Yes!

Anything we want.

HE CHUCKLES

Anything we want!

I want a divorce.

SHE GASPS

Yeah, hang on.

SOFTLY: Arthur, there is no easy way to say this because...

14 bloody million.

...I do adore you.

I love you, Arthur.

ARTHUR CHUCKLES ON PHONE

I...

I want...

Oh, Christ.

See you. Yeah, see you.

Bye. Bye-bye. Ah.

? More, more, more

? How do you like it? How do you like it?

? More, more, more... ?

Ee. The guys couldn't believe it.

Every single one of 'em, every single one said

right, the next round's on me.

Cheap gits. So, I said...

"Yeah, all right."

Can we not dream bigger than the next round at The Lion?

What?

Oh... I'm sorry.

GLASSES CLINK ? More, more, more... ?

So, this weekend, hotel, definitely the sea.

Definitely more Champagne.

No, don't...

Arthur, don't you think we should just talk about this properly,

I mean, in a way that isn't ridiculous?

In a few days, of course.

But for now, let's just be a bit outlandish.

Mm.

No. Argh, we can't do it like this. Do what?

Win.

Arthur. ARTHUR CHUCKLES

Arthur. Right, now...

Oh, God. I do love you, but it's complicated.

But you are going to be all right.

Right...

What on earth...?! Where's that purple thing?

You know, the one that makes you look like

a very pretty Quality Street.

Why are you trashing our room?

Get dressed up. Outside in and all that.

Oh, come... Just come and sit and talk to me, Arthur.

You look so lovely in purple. It's a royal colour, you know?

It's like your skin knew you were designed for finer things.

It's from Peacocks. Here it is.

Go on. Put it on.

Hey. No. No, I don't want any more.

You didn't change? No, I don't wanna wear it.

It makes me look like Barney.

Who? Bloody dinosaur.

Oh. ARTHUR CHUCKLES

Listen, I had a thought.

About next week, we should hire a cook in

and get some folks round ours.

Frank and James and Brian. All the wives.

They're all YOUR friends. Get a table out.

Get some booze in. We'll tell 'em to put the glad rags on

cos we only dress up to go to funerals.

Arthur, please, will you just listen to me?

This is important.

Now, they'll want to know what we're going to spend it on,

so I reckon we should send a chunk to charity.

So we can say we have.

Apparently, they give you the choice to whether to go public...

Can you even hear me?

The biggest question of all,

to Rawtenstall or not to Rawtenstall?

Now... ARTHUR SLURPS

I know you think I'm a small-town boy,

and I am, proudly, but...

perhaps this should be our base, and we should get somewhere else?

Somewhere classy with sunshine. Ooh, and a Waitrose.

Will you just bloody listen to me for once, Arthur?!

No, look... look, love. I know it's inconceivable.

Look, I know. Just... let your brain hear it.

We won. And we deserve it, eh?

Arthur...

...I want a divorce.

You what?

DOORBELL RINGS

Hiya. Er, I'm Jade, I'm just moving in across the road.

Oh. Hi, Jade, I'm Edith, and this is Arthur Thistle.

Hi. Erm, look, I am sorry to come to you with an immediate ask,

but do you happen to have any, like, sturdy bags?

My movers have gone, and I'm just realising

that boxes don't have handles, and I don't have biceps.

I just don't wanna introduce myself to the road

with all my crap clogging up the path, so...

Oh, my God! Sorry. Kaylee!

No worry at all. Come on in. OK.

It's all right. Kaylee.

Can we make you a tea?

Oh, that's lovely, but honestly,

I'm, like, 90% tea at this point so...

Can I have a lemonade?

Kaylee, manners.

I'm sure I've got a bottle hidden in the bottom of the cupboard.

That's really nice. You don't have to.

No. It's no bother.

Kaylee, what do you say?

Can I have ice? EDITH CHUCKLES

Not that. Kid knows what she likes.

I have taught her "please" and "thank you". She's just...

So, is it just the two of you moving in, then?

If that's not a rude question? It is, yeah.

Er, just us. Not... Not rude.

My mum lives up here, so it's just...

just nice to have a bit more support, you know?

Bit more time with Nana? Free labour.

Er. Your accent, Derby?

Nearly. Newark. Nottingham-ish. Yeah.

But I was born round here.

Just moved away when I was quite young.

Ah. Well, welcome back. Thank you.

There you are.

So, has it just been the two of you from the beginning, then?

Mm. From the start.

ARTHUR INHALES That's tough.

Not really. Well, it can be, yeah.

But, you know, not any harder than any other life?

Her dad's a complete oxygen bandit, so...

You know, the kind of lad they put instructions on shampoo for,

so that wasn't a huge loss.

And I don't know... I just...

I think we make a good pair, eh, bud?

Yeah. So, I mean, like, it can be hard.

Hence us moving back here, but...

...it would've been harder if we stayed.

Just gotta keep making moves.

Full Grey Gardens.

Are you...? Sorry, are you celebrating?

What's the occasion?

Oh, no occasion. No. Oh, right.

Didn't realise that's how we were living it up here in Lancashire.

No, no, no. We saw you moving in, and...

You... You were celebrating me moving in?

HE CHUCKLES

Sort of.

It made us think about when we moved in.

And we got all nostalgic.

That's our wedding Champagne. Oh, that's lovely.

When... When was that?

53 years ago next month.

Wow!

Congratulations.

Yeah, it explains the...

Well, we will leave you to celebrate, if I could get...?

Ooh, the bags. Sorry.

Right, shall we try this again, then?

What do we say, Kaylee? Thank you a lot. Very much.

EDITH CHUCKLES Thank YOU a lot, very much.

EDITH CHUCKLES

Absolutely.

I'll get these back to you as soon as... No rush.

Come on, you. See you. Thanks

Cheers. Bye-bye, Jade.

Arthur, I'm...

...I'm truly sorry.

I didn't mean it to come out like that.

It's not happening.

You don't get a choice.

There's a way of doing this. We're not doing this.

But we are.

And all I'm saying is we try civility and calmness.

You want me to be calm? We just won the bloody lottery!

It's not about the money. What?

We can split it 50/50. "Not about the money"!

Is there somebody else?

SHE SIGHS

Of course not.

Running off into the sunset with some prat called Fabio?

Who the hell is Fabio? You tell me.

Oh, God. Of course there's not somebody else.

I've just been...

SHE SIGHS

SOFTLY: Oh, God. ..rotting.

Why didn't you talk to me?

EDITH SCOFFS

OK.

SOFTLY: OK.

You want me to talk to you, hmm, about my feelings.

Is that what you want? Is that what you think I should do?

Well, open that goddamn door!

It's not here.

Where did you put it? That room should not exist.

I never wanted to keep it.

All this time, walking past that lock like sodding guards.

You... You kept us prisoner here.

I never kept you anything. You put the lock on the door.

Well, what was I supposed to do?

Listen, we're talking about this,

and you are realising that you're being stupid.

Oh, excuse me after 50 years of monosyllabic grunts,

if I don't try and talk on your terms.

Oh, give over.

Arthur, this is the most you have ever spoken in years.

You have said more words today than ever. Ever!

Because I'm happy. Oh, so what were you before, then?

Well... Happy...

Don't, Edith.

I was happy, you were happy.

If you'd keep still for a second...

All we do is bloody stand still. That's not true, it's not true.

Arthur, I am currently searching for a key

to a room in my house that has been locked for 50 years.

Well, if that's not standing very sodding still, I don't know what is.

Years and years of pretending it's not there,

trying to train your eyes not to see it.

50 years of not even talking about... No.

You don't want to listen. You do not want to understand.

Nothing to understand. You've lost your mind.

It'll come back to you.

Oh, so where have all your new words gone?

Would it have made any difference if we'd spoke then?

Eh?

Would you still be leaving now?

Well, I don't know how to answer that.

No. Because the answer's "no".

Because we didn't.

You should've left then.

That's an awful thing to say.

Well, that was the worst feeling that a person could feel.

Agreed?

Of course.

Agreed, yes, but...

But today, when them numbers came out,

it was the opposite, it was all good.

How many years have we waited to feel all good?

We've had a lovely life.

But, yes, a life of worry and a life of bargain hunting.

But...

...you wanna leave NOW?

I'd have understood if you'd left then.

I'd have hated it, but I'd have under... Not now.

It's not now.

We should let it be all good.

Arthur...

...it was never all good.

It happened.

But today...

...something new happened.

Something different.

And why not... why not...

...do something different now?

Hmm, why not?

God, all these years of worrying about you,

trying to keep you afloat, keeping you...

With all this money, you will be fine.

I thought it wasn't about the money?

Oh, God. I just want to be in the real world.

Sound like a sodding greeting card now.

Mm.

OK.

Didn't listen then. Won't listen now.

We could try doing something different?

Try and understand each other.

Argh. I can't understand a mad woman.

It's just I'm ready.

I think I've been ready for a long time.

It's not about the money, it's not about you.

I am the one you're leaving.

Oh... shit!

I've been a good husband. I've done everything right.

I've loved you. I've never hit you. I've kept us safe.

"Still" isn't safe.

I could draw a map of Rawtenstall, every house, every road,

every person who ever lived or died on that road.

Every pothole. Every alley.

A small town for small people.

But I don't blame you for that. It's...

We get old. People... stop noticing you.

They stop asking you to participate.

But, God, Arthur...

...we have been so old for so long.

Ah. Oh, I've never thought of you as old.

Really, I never have.

I've always thought of you still as that wild girl on our first date.

SHE CHUCKLES

SHE SIGHS

I have to put my birthday on the calendar every year.

Like you can remember our first date.

Blackpool. Oh!

ARTHUR GRUNTS

THEY CHUCKLE

Blackpool. And you say we never travelled. Hmm.

Yeah, I was so nervous. You never were.

I was, cos I hate roller-coasters. And you were set on the big dipper.

You should have said. What were I gonna do,

stand at the bottom holding your bag?

Well, maybe I'd have liked you watching me being all brave?

Oh, I watched you.

I didn't want you looking at me, white as a sheet, holding in a sick.

That's why I didn't kiss you. HE CHUCKLES

And I suggested that restaurant.

Of course, I'd asked the lads at the site

where to take a nice girl for dinner.

Like those lads knew any nice girls.

Ah-ha.

And you waved that aside and said, "No."

You wanted fish and chips. and a walk on the seafront.

And I... I thought...

I want to grow old with her, my Lancashire lass.

We did... grow old together...

...in Lancashire. Yeah.

But what now, Arthur?

Go on, then.

Cash up. Seven million each. We'll divorce.

And what then?

What's your big, bountiful life gonna be then?

Study.

What?

Psychology, I've always found that interesting.

Or media?

Waves of feminism that I've missed or missed me.

I'd go to London. I'd go and see shows.

Not musicals. Plays.

I want to see lots of different plays.

And I'd like to see plays in languages that I didn't understand.

And I'd be sitting in the best seats,

eating food that has to be explained to me.

And I... I'll buy a house.

No, a bungalow... No, no, a cottage by the sea.

And the local kids would think I was a mad bat or a witch.

And I'd live alone. And...

...I'd sit... watching the waves.

It's 14 million, for Christ's sake.

Go for a yoga retreat, and then come and meet me at the yacht.

I'll tear it up.

I'll rip it into shreds, and you can watch.

No, you won't.

You won't.

You never do anything.

Have you blamed me?

EXASPERATED GRUNT

EDITH SNIFFLES

Remember painting this?

Course. EDITH SNIFFLES

ARTHUR EXHALES

I know we did, but... VOICE BREAKS

So, have you?

What?

Blamed me all this time. Is that what this is?

No. Not at all.

Because you barely looked at me.

I could hardly look at anything.

I could hardly lift my head up.

I couldn't acknowledge...

...another day in a house with a room that was locked and no...

...no...

I thought you blamed me.

HE SCOFFS

How?

Because I wasn't here.

The one night I... The one time...

I... Anyway...

That's how it felt. Well, I didn't.

Well, that's how it felt.

And how would I know the difference because we never spoke about it.

We're speaking about it now.

EDITH SCOFFS

Good job we didn't rush the conversation (!)

It's only taken 50 years and a win on the sodding lottery.

Oh.

She was so... She was so...

ARTHUR SNIFFLES

I was happy.

Because...

...she was sleeping.

I was so happy she was sleeping.

I thought, "Finally, she's over it."

All those nights. No silence. No sleep.

Finally done. Bags under our eyes finally gone.

And, er...

...I even came in here...

...to see her.

And, er...

...I thought...

...my angel, sleeping so sound...

...finally.

Because she did. She was so peaceful.

And I thought, "I can't wait to tell Edith."

And she slept the whole night through.

I thought, "She's gonna be proper proud of me."

Getting our... our girl...

...to sleep the whole night through.

And then somewhere in the night...

...it was just too quiet.

I'm sorry I locked the room.

I am. I just thought...

I thought... I thought we'd decided that it was best.

I don't think I've decided one thing in the whole of my life.

What are you talking about? Oh... come on.

If I'd have made any decisions, this...

Or if you and I had made choices, this room wouldn't exist.

It... It would've been...

It would've been a library

or a sewing room, or a guest room, or...

And we'd have tried again.

We'd have made that choice to try again.

Move forward.

We could have adopted. We could have had IVF.

IVF, that was barely about.

Oh, not immediately!

But what I'm saying is, down the line, we could have.

We could have left.

I could have worked.

You could have found things, hobbies.

Well, if...

...if you'd had... if I had...

...would that make you want to be here more?

Christ, you don't listen to me.

I'm saying do not tell me that I made a decision to do this.

I have stood still for 50 years while the world turned and grew,

and forgot about me!

And you!

You don't end up in a house with a room like this by...

You don't end up like this by making bad decisions.

You end up this way by making none!

You'd be leaving her behind, too.

She isn't here.

Erin hasn't been here for 50 years.

If I leave and you stay, it will be just you.

She... is not here.

It will be just you!

HE ROARS Arthur...

Is this what you want? Arthur, please.

Is this what you want?

Is this what...?

Oh, for God's sake.

Arthur, Arthur, calm down.

I need you.

Arthur. OK, Arthur.

Oh, Edith. Oh.

Arthur. Arthur.

I need you.

But I need me, too.

HE GROANS

Wait! Come back here.

Edith, what on earth's got into you?

You need you. Yeah. Just get off me.

You can have anything you want with 14 bloody million...

Leave me alone. Just give me the ticket back.

No. Get off me.

THEY SHOUT

Give it back to me.

Let go. I don't wanna hurt you.

Well?

Are you gonna stab me, then?

Are you gonna whack me over the head with a frying pan?!

EDITH CHUCKLES

Bloody hell.

THEY LAUGH

I thought you were gonna kill me.

I thought I was gonna kill you.

Well, you did say you'd off me if we won.

EDITH CHUCKLES

So...

So...

So, we sleep on it?

No.

Come on.

I don't unders... Rock, paper, scissors.

Arthur, we can go back to bashing each other

till one of us trips and dies on our own trouser leg...

...or we can go back to talking about everything and nothing.

Or we can play rock, paper, scissors.

Or... No, Arthur.

There are no other options.

If you win?

50/50.

If I win?

If you win, you get the lot.

And you stay?

You've got great odds. Good track record.

On "go".

One... two... three.

DOORBELL RINGS

Oh... Hello, Jade. Are you OK?

Yeah, Kaylee stole your tumbler. I wanted to give it back.

Oh! Are you... Are you all right?

Oh... Erm, sorry, yes, yes, yes.

It's just been a bit of an odd evening.

Well, I will leave you to your odd evening.

Jade? Yeah.

Can I ask you a question? Yeah, course.

Erm...

...what's next for you?

Next for you in your life.

MUFFLED: Are you excited about what's next?

I mean, Kaylee's starting a new school.

So that means new friends.

Soon enough, I will be desperately boring.

And... And I don't think I mind.

I'm excited to get myself back.

Not naive enough to think

that there are not other people my age

who are living different, more visibly fun lives.

But don't get me wrong,

I didn't imagine that I would be back

where I was born with a daughter, and...

But it's never boring.

So, where is little one now?

Oh, God knows. Climbing up a lamp post. The child's feral.

THEY CHUCKLE But at least I got that right.

Like, every time she runs, she runs as fast as she can.

MUFFLED: I don't think I ever did that as a kid.

Not like a boy.

We had to skip, like, all delicate. But... But she runs like...

She Usain Bolt runs.

I'm... I'm just trying to follow her lead.

What's next for you?

Oh, erm...

I don't think anybody has ever asked me that since...

EDITH CHUCKLES

MUFFLED: Anyway, thank you... thank you so much for this.

It's all good. Anytime.

Bye.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Edith.

I did it because I love you.

And if the choice is you and struggle, or wealth...

I'm sorry. You wanted me to do something.

And there's no other way. There's no other...

ARTHUR MOANS

I'll have to make you another tea.

HE MOANS

What?!

HE SOBS

HE MOANS

It's gone cold. Do you want another one?

I am so sorry. I'm sure it's all traceable.

HE SOBS

I'm so sorry. Do you want another one?

ARTHUR MOANS

I'm sorry.

We can talk some more.

We can make that room into...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

ARTHUR SCREAMS

Oh.

Are you all right?

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