Original subtitles

Here in the heart of the desert, peace is eternal.

It certainly is. How do you know it's the quiet after Chicago? My husband

sleep at night.

He's taking sleeping pills.

I understand.

Oh, but I just love the desert, Mr. Raymond.

It's like Madame herself.

Its greatest beauties lie hidden, except to those who know where to search for

them. That sounds fascinating. Yes, it is.

I hope to be able to reveal those beauties to Madame.

Perhaps tonight.

Where the gentle breeze stirs the palms of the oasis.

And monsieur has taken his sleeping penis.

Perhaps.

Couldn't find it anyplace, honey.

You're frapped, madame.

Yes, ma 'am.

Yes, ma 'am. Are you mad?

How dare you making love under my nose? You're jealous.

I didn't know you were here.

I wasn't making love.

Liar! I heard you making a rendezvous with that woman.

When the gentle breeze stirs the palms, I'll stir you, I'll kill you.

Yasmin, she's a rich American. Her husband takes pills.

Last time it was a Dane and her husband took schnapps.

Well, I've had enough.

Tomorrow, mother and I go back to Cairo.

But Yasmin, you can't leave me now. You'll break my heart.

And if mama goes, I have no cash here.

Yasmin, I'm doing this for you.

Yasmin, when the season's over, we'll be man and wife.

Then the Hotel Sahara will belong to you as much as it does to me.

Then you'll have to be charming to guests and make the sacrifices that I

It's my work.

You love your work, don't you?

Yes.

No.

Madame is like the rose when it is full blue.

Oh, flatulence.

I will have satisfaction for this.

Satisfaction? There is no satisfaction anywhere.

What's happened? A catastrophe.

Dead. Who is dead?

Maybe all of us. Oh!

Stop, stop. It's terrible.

Then why don't you get a band?

Mr.

Dunn, terrible news.

The Italians have entered the war.

Say, I've got to put a call from Chicago.

Right away.

Impossible. I've telephoned. The French airlines are cut.

We must evacuate the hotel immediately.

The Italian army is advancing on Hotel Sahara.

You should have seen America first, like the man said.

I tell you, the fields must be paid. And I have no money, I tell you. Send them

to cooks.

But this is no time to speak of money. I pay everybody. Nobody pays me. I have

to pay waiters, servants. Now, darn, sir. I gave up three months in Bordeaux,

top of the bills, down from the sandbank. You pay the contract in full,

tell my union.

Union?

Mama, pay this hippopotamus her money.

I may choke you.

Where is Yasmin?

Yasmin! She won't be in a moment. She's fighting. The last bus goes, please.

Quick, quick. Or we'll all find ourselves dead with our throat cut.

Could I have a cup of coffee, Mama?

Why haven't you changed? The bus is leaving.

No, no, Emad. We must stay here.

But are you mad? We'll be murdered in our beds.

Oh, I don't think I'll be murdered in my bed.

Yasmin is right.

You might be murdered, but not me. And certainly not Yasmin.

You're both mad.

I've met soldiers.

They are simple men with simple taste.

And think too.

But they'll steal everything, burn everything, wreck everything.

That is exactly why we must stay. To stop them and to save the hotel.

How can we ever marry if we run away and lose everything?

That's it.

Use your brains.

You've got a head on your shoulders.

Yes, I want to keep it there. Now, please, Yasmin, we must get out of here.

too late, I'm not offended. You've missed the bus.

What?

Mama!

Mama! Yes?

Get the silver. Oh, and give me a tablecloth.

Yes.

Hide your jewels.

Soldiers think only of three things.

Loot, liquor, and love.

Very well, we will bury the silver, lock the cellar, and... Why did I ever

listen to you?

Because you love me.

And I love you. And we've got to think of the future.

Yasmin, I think of nothing but you, my chicken.

The chicken.

Soldiers are worse than locusts. They devour everything.

Mama, Yusuf, get the chicken into the cellar before those bandits arrive.

Never mind about your face, Mama. Fix the menu.

The plate is your spaghetti.

You, sir.

Quick, onto the roof with this.

This is no time for goats.

I can't leave poor Solomon outside.

They'll eat him.

He smells. He must go, I tell you.

They are coming.

There is no cause for alarm.

We must remain quite cool.

Mama, table flags!

They are here.

There is nothing to be afraid of. All we have to do is to keep our heads.

Quick, pull your lives to the cover.

Yes,

me. Where are you?

Stay here.

Salome!

Only Arabic, English or French.

You're the proprietor?

Yes, General.

Capitano. Alberto del Nobile.

Who's in the hotel?

The staff.

You may lower your hands.

Everyone here is not subject to military law. Any communication with the enemy

will be punished by death.

There is no need to be alarmed, Signorina.

And who is this?

That?

That's Mademoiselle Yasmine Pallas. She's my fiancée. We're going to be

And her mother.

Yasmine.

Que belle fior.

And you are as beautiful as the flower itself, signorina.

The capitano is thirsty?

The cinzano, perhaps, eh?

If you would care to join me.

Uh -huh.

Yousef, Major Dumo.

At your service, Capitano Effendi.

Yes, he's the last.

Perhaps the Capitano would care to stay for lunch before continuing on his

journey. There is spaghetti bolognese.

Ah, magnifico. Yes, you like? Then I prepare it for you myself, you know,

the whole thing turned and... Yes, if you like it that way, it's a matter of

taste. But I regret the Capitano must use his own cutlery. Those thieves of

waiters stole all my silver when they ran away.

Padrone, my instructions are to requisition this hotel and to clear it

occupants.

However, there are occasions when the duties of war must be tempered by mercy.

You and your charming staff might continue in your present duty until we

brought this campaign to a triumphant conclusion.

Salute! Salute!

Salute! Ah,

there is one more thing.

I like fresh milk in my coffee.

That will be impossible.

Padrone, to a good soldier, nothing is impossible.

Allo, Giuseppe.

I've brought my own supply.

This is Marietta.

I forbid you to see him!

To save the hotel.

We all have to make sacrifices.

My conscience is clear.

Your conscience is too simple. It believes every word you say.

So you're making sacrifices too?

It's no hardship.

Don't be a jealous fool.

Why do you think the hotel isn't burned down and ruined?

Why do you think they are so pleasant and amiable?

I don't care to think. I don't dare to think. All I know is that they eat my

food, they pay nothing. They drink my drink, they pay nothing. And all day

they're chasing after you.

I'm going mad.

Oh, don't be mad.

I can't bear to see you so unhappy.

You know it's only you I love.

You've got to trust me.

Trust me.

I'm sorry.

My children, my children.

Oh, be patient a little while. It can't last forever. When the war's over,

they'll all go home again.

And the guests will come back.

Dents and Dutchmen with quarters and gifts.

Americans with dollars and Englishmen with pounds. An elegant motorcar.

Civilization.

What is it, sir?

The molly's prompt, I suppose.

Let's take a look inside.

Yes, Mavis could do with a cooler.

Stop that confounded backfiring. It sounds like guns.

I can't. She's sprung a leak and she's overheating.

Brew up, sir?

Yes, make it a meal. What's for lunch?

As if we didn't know.

What do you expect, larks' tails and caviar?

Go easy with the water. A quarter of a pint per man.

Only a quarter of a pint?

Let me think about having a bath and a shave.

It's a bit whiffy at home, isn't it?

The trouble with you, Ben, is that you've got no imagination at all. Why

never have beans and bacon? Because there ain't no beans and bacon.

Go on, son.

Nip up that sandwich and keep your eyes skinned. We're in enemy country,

remember?

Yes, well, where the devil are we?

Well,

I should think we're about... We're anywhere about there.

Well, you'd better get it sorted out, Puffin, my boy.

We'll be out of water by tomorrow.

Oh, what a smell of air cream. The air force been here, sir?

No, just one of their feathered friends.

That's what he ought to be now, that's trained. Grub's up, sir.

Oh, good.

Yes, and we'll have a little cheese to follow today, Binns.

But there ain't no cheese, sir.

Oh, no cheese.

You know, Binns, your catering lacks the magic touch. Right, it's the space of

life, you know, Binns. Yes, just bear that in mind, will you?

We'll have a little bit of cheese, Binns.

Yes, sir.

Right away, sir.

I made you a randle of Mr. Chaney. I'd like a nice Gorgonzola sent round right

away. That's making a right one, will you? Hello?

Who are you?

240162, sir. Private Pins.

Who are you?

Me?

I'm wrong number.

Sir! Sir!

What is it?

Someone answered.

Answered what?

The telephone.

For me?

All right, Ben, sit down and have your food. You've had a hard day.

But, sir... You'd better stay in the shade, Ben.

I heard it as clear as a bell, sir.

Hello, he says. Hello, I says.

Wrong number, he says, and hang up. Well, you better take it easy, mate.

Edison himself could make that lot work.

You know what your trouble is, Ben, don't you? It's the diet.

But I tell you, it's true, sir. I put a few wires in hole, bunged in a couple of

plugs, twiddled an handle, and then I tell you I heard a voice.

All right, all right, Joan of Arc.

Don't worry your pretty little head about it. Your dinner's getting cold.

Yasmine! Yasmine!

Oh, very pretty. Very beautiful. Great artist, Capitano.

You think so?

Convinced of it.

But if I might make one suggestion.

The English are here.

What? Yes.

I don't know where. Somewhere here. They telephoned.

So, Capitano?

They asked for cheese.

Imad, go and lie down and rest.

I'll bring you some chamomile tea.

I don't want any chamomile tea.

I want these idiots out of here as soon as possible.

That's impossible.

Now, let me see the effect.

There, Capitano.

If they meet here, they will fight. They will destroy everything.

You must get rid of them.

How?

I don't know.

Oh, thank you, Signora Matt. That's fine.

Signor Capitano, you have been here a long time.

It has been most pleasant.

Signor Capitano, this hotel is no good for you. It isn't the fortress.

It won't help you win the war.

Why don't you go and leave us in peace?

Immat, what are you saying?

My dear fellow.

Strategically, of course, your hotel is of no importance.

But armies are like dogs who fight about a bone.

One snatches it.

He does not want it. But he snatches it for the fear that the other dog might

get it first.

Your hotel, Signor Amad, is a bone.

My hotel is very far from being a bone. It is my livelihood. It's all I have in

the world.

Why don't you go and fight in the desert?

Because we are like dogs.

Or sons of dogs.

What?

Capitano, take no notice of him. He's not well. He's rambling.

Imad, go to bed.

Capitano, please.

Very well.

But, Signore Imad, guard your tongue.

Well,

we must go to work, Capitano.

I'm dying to see how beautiful you will make me.

You're feeling a bit more rational now, mate.

I've had enough of this. I'll tell you where the boys... Yes, you've told us,

Ben.

Puffin. Yes? Do what you can for me, if it's pumped.

When you're ready, we'll move.

All righty, sir.

I wish you'd never join me, sir. I'll never appreciate it. That's my trouble.

He doesn't believe anything I say.

It's a diet pill. That's what it is. It's a diet pill.

Emat. You shouldn't have talked to him like that. He might have made you a

prisoner. We are all prisoners now. And we will be until we rid ourselves of

them.

There is a way, Emat Effendi.

No,

no, no. We want no bloodshed here.

There are too many of them in any case.

What is happening?

I received fresh orders by radio. We are leaving.

You hear that sound? They're going. No.

Oh, no.

Oh, but you will come back. Of course.

But all good things must come to an end.

Now let's help them on their journey. Mama, Yusuf, get sandwiches for them.

Does it make you so sad, Alberto?

But it's quite natural. We've become such good friends.

Yes, I am sorry, too.

That is not all.

Our armies on the coast have met with the reverse.

We are withdrawing.

I've had orders to destroy all structure and to make them useless to the enemy.

That is war.

Your hotel is a structure, is it not?

The world is mad, Signora Mad.

Believe me, I hate having to carry out these orders.

But I'm a soldier.

But what is to become of us?

We will evacuate you to safety.

You must make ready to leave at once.

Oh, I'm sorry, Amat.

I should have listened to you. It's all my fault. No one is to blame. We've done

what we could and failed.

We are hostages of fate.

And the Italians.

Don't tell Mama we must prepare.

No!

You will be shot!

Hello? Sir. Well, what we'll have to do is to make a square search and hope the

water holds out. Sir. Sir, I've done it again. It's alive. It's a skull.

Hello. Hello. Hang on.

Hello. Hello.

Qui parle?

Non parle.

Only French and English.

Oh, capital.

I say, do you mind speaking up? The line's not too good.

I say, can't you get it better than this?

Hello.

I say, who are you?

This is Hotel Sahara speaking.

Hotel Sahara?

Actually, what's the water situation like there?

Oh, there's plenty of water. This is Kafka Oasis.

Where are you?

At Frontier Post.

Oh, the Frontier Post.

We thought our line was cut.

Yes,

there's plenty of water.

This is a tragedy.

Our hotel.

Our hotel?

Yes, I was going to propose we became partners and bring all my relations here

after the war.

I wrote to them to break their heart.

They will recover, no doubt.

We must play for time and hope the English get here.

There's no other way to save the hotel.

No, I don't care about the hotel. They'll fight. You may be killed.

Then there's Mama.

We must take our chance. Do what we can. But what?

I will keep the Capitano occupied.

You must delay them.

Quick, leave me.

Yasmin, you must prepare.

Oh. What is the trouble?

Oh, Alberto, my head is splitting.

Look there, the Chinese.

We need everything for our new hotel in Naples.

The war won't last forever.

Go up your ladder.

Our charity is a great virtue, Giuseppe.

Be careful, 160 soup plates.

Go near the front where it's soft.

Ah, Napoli. Great partnership.

I know everybody.

I've got very good connections, you know. Very good.

Have you really?

Yes.

Alberto, why can't we wait until nightfall?

It is impossible.

But it will be cooler then. And so romantic with the moon and you.

I will not be afraid.

It is impossible.

Yasmin, you must prepare yourself. You're keeping the Capitano waiting.

I have prepared... Sir Capitano, the truck has crashed.

It will take a few hours to repair it.

Patience. Get to work immediately. All right.

Fate's with you, Yasmin.

The truck has to be repaired.

It may take hours.

In that case, you will have your last dinner here with us. I will make you

something really very special.

What's it going to be?

A big... Surprise.

I love a man foolish me oh

yes it began harmlessly but how

it will end

I can't see, I love that man.

I can't explain why it is

I'm clay in those gay hands of his.

He's one of those dark mysteries.

Each morning in a glow For I adore him so

And though the devil's in his eye

Yet he can be sweet as an

angel I love a

man foolishly

Since we met, life for me has changed to a

strange ecstasy.

For you see,

I love a

man.

Yasmin, we must... Always think of this as our song.

I always do, Alberto.

Every time I sing it.

The transport

is ready.

Go now and collect your things, Yasmin.

We leave in 15 minutes.

Play a tune, Alberto.

Once again.

Let me take your bags, Mormia, and have a last look around, and then I have to

get you a new truck.

Oh, Giuseppe, there is a bottle in the cellar of champagne.

Yes, how dangerous to blow it up. The cork might damage somebody.

Oh, wait here.

And we will drink a farewell toast.

Oh, Giuseppe.

Yes, wait here.

Quattro, morra, tutta.

Porca miseria.

In leas.

In leas. In leas. In leas.

Oh, no, no, no, Alberto, please, no fighting.

Oh, you're too brave to die. Look, it's all my fault.

We're

surrounded.

We're surrounded.

The evacuation must be carried out as planned.

Get the others and take them to the cover truck. Lay flat in it and don't

until we're well clear.

Good luck, Alberto

Captain. Where the devil have you been?

Are Yasmin and the others in the truck?

Everything's fixed, Captain.

Then why do delay?

The bill.

The bill?

Are you mad? Get into the truck.

Tutto pronto?

Pronto, capitava!

Anyone at home?

Oh, Giuseppe!

Oh.

Welcome to Hotel Sahara, gentlemen.

Oh, thanks. Very civil of you.

You the proprietor?

My name's Randall, Major Randall.

We had quite a job behind you. My name's Cheney, Captain Cheney.

Acting captain.

How do you do?

How do you do?

A glass of wine.

Some champagne to speed you on your way.

Oh, very good. Thank you very much.

It's a pleasure.

You all right on champagne?

Yes, thank you.

Please. Thank you.

A polishing good luck to you all.

Yes, I think we're going to be very happy.

Yes, sir.

Happy as Sam, boys.

Good evening.

Ah, the young lady I spoke to on the telephone.

Mademoiselle Yasmine Pallas is my fiancée. And I am her mother.

Yeah, I'm very nice too.

You must be simply exhausted after your journey.

My name's Cheney.

We may almost have a cup of tea at this hour, Mr. Cheney. Allow me.

Perhaps you'd care to join us.

Thank you.

They would sleep like a passion.

Clean sheets, pillows, a mattress full of feathers.

Nothing missing but the missus.

Just had a bath, too. Sweet as a nut.

Oh, you lovely thing. Lead me to it.

I've used all the acid's milk, so you'll have to make do with water.

And don't waste your time on that Belmont chambermaid.

Why not?

I've tried it.

I'm sorry, Bill.

After you.

Breakfast in half an hour.

Oh, thank you, Miss Yasmin. Thank you, Miss Yasmin.

Extraordinary fellows, these Italians.

Must have been a brigade of barbers here.

One for every day of the week.

Hair oil, too.

Ah, morning, ladies.

Ah, it's a wonderful lamp.

It is not a lamp. It is coffee for Madame Pallas.

Is it now?

Here, I'll tell you what.

You're going to have a quiet game of tiddlywinks, eh? I'll take the coffee in

the madam. Right? Right.

Oh, I get it.

No taste in nothing, eh?

No taste in nothing.

That's my boy now. Give this to Uncle Charlie.

Ah, number nine.

Wakey, wakey. I bought you coffee, madam. Show a leg.

Oh, Monsieur Bin, you must excuse me.

I hope you are broad -minded.

Lady, you can rely on that.

Thank you.

I say, bacon and eggs. Jolly good, Charles.

Oh, but I regret we have no silver. The Italians took everything when they left.

Oh, disgusting. Don't worry about us. We're issued with irons. With what?

Oh, that's irons.

Jolly hot tea.

Thank you.

A mat.

The marmalade.

We have your English marmalade to follow.

Marmalade? By Joe.

I say, it's just like breakfasting at the Paddington Station Hotel.

That's in England, you know.

England. Oh, I love England.

Walking across the moors with the dogs, the wind blowing and the rain driving.

Yes, all useful stuff, Ray, and don't appreciate it when you get to a place

this. Morning.

Mr. Cheney, how handsome you look.

You think so?

Steep weather.

Like a top.

You?

Like a top.

Shall I pour?

Thank you.

I'll have milk first, please.

Hot fresh milk?

How splendid.

Thanks to Marietta.

Marietta? How good.

She was a present from the Capitano who used to be here.

He was very nice.

You know something funny?

He used the same perfume as you.

You know, Bill, this is a first -rate base

to wear rumble.

What is it this time?

Blowing out ammunition dumps or raiding convoys? Neither.

We're in the diplomatic corner, my boy. The higher strategy.

I don't get it.

Where there's no aces, there are Arabs.

The object of the exercise will be to get Pally with the sheiks and use them

a local intelligence service. I wish I'd known.

I'd have had CD plates put on the vehicles.

Yes, well, you'd better get Mavis's pump fixed. We'll need her.

Listen, look, Bill.

I was thinking of going to... Get to work elsewhere.

Yes, well, I'm afraid that'll have to wait.

Oh,

the kimchi!

I say, monsieur, what a wonderful show of vegetables you've got here.

The goats think so, too.

You've got green fingers, old man.

Pity there's no one to show them off to.

Oh, except Arabs, I suppose.

Many of them are around here.

Oh, yes, there are Arabs. You know, they come, they go.

And fold their tents, yes.

You know them well?

I'm their blood brother. For me, they do anything.

If there's somebody I don't like, even you, Major Lorenzo.

Have a cigarette.

Oh, thank you.

When did you last see them?

Oh, not since before the war. We used to organize Arab feasts, you know, for the

guests with music, dancing, camel racing.

That sounds very enjoyable.

But very expensive.

Well, they like money, eh?

Money? What's the use of money in the desert?

Goods. You would not believe some of the things I have to get for them.

Oh, what sort of things?

Tea, sugar, cigarettes, boiled sweets, teapots, red bloomers for the women.

Even alarm clocks.

Amazing.

Alarm clocks.

Early risers, eh?

Without goods, they will give you nothing.

Amazing.

You know, I'd like to meet them.

Major, this is exactly the season for so doing.

If you mention my name, you will be an honored guest.

They live with their flocks in the desert, only a few hundred miles away.

Oh, we must pop out and have a chat with them. Yes, do that, Major.

Lose no time.

You are wicked, Mr. Shaney.

And those ladies in your tennis club, they sound most audacious.

Oh, I wouldn't say that. Just sporty, you know.

Sometimes at the club flannel dances when there's cup.

Cider cup, that's an English drink. You wouldn't know about that.

But quite often the girls are... I know.

They become beautiful.

There isn't one that could hold a candle to you, Yasmin.

You don't mind me calling you Yasmin.

My name's Edgar.

Everybody calls me Puffin.

Ever since I saw you.

Puffin!

Mind if I have a word with you?

Excuse me, Miss Yasmin.

Wait.

Got a pencil?

Right.

Requisition for stores.

QMG HQME.

Tea, pounds, 600.

Sugar, 100 weight, 3.

Sweets, boiled, sorted, 100 weight, 6.

Cigarettes, woodbinds, wild, 5 ,000.

Caps, scowl, with tassels, dozens, 4.

Pots, tea, enamel, 20.

Red. Ladies. Wind away.

Pairs. Dozens.

Two.

Clocks. Alarm.

Luminous. Chromium.

Dozens.

Four.

Got that?

Well, yes, I... Right, I'll sign it.

Is Mavis serviceable?

Yes. Good.

You can leave her here.

Take the truck in one man, make your way back to base, and get HQ cracking on

the shopping list.

And get the stuff back here as quick as you can.

I'm giving a party.

Yes, well, it's going to take a deuce of a time, isn't it, Bill?

Early one morning, just as the sun was shining.

Oh, don't worry, I shall have plenty to do.

Observation jobs, reconnaissance, night patrols. There's plenty to keep an eye

on, you know.

That's when I look, Bill.

Oh, by the way, you can add something to that list.

Nylons, pairs, dozens, one, and charge him up to me.

Pleasant journey.

Right. So I, uh, drove the truck over the top of this dune, and there I was,

face to face with two enemy armored cars.

No. Yes, but before they got a chance to think, I let them have it.

Bang, bang, one caught fire. Bang, bang, bang, the other one turned tail. No.

Yes, I'm telling you.

Oh. And there I was on my way to Cairo to collect me medals, and all of a

sudden, over the top of another dune, comes a Mark III tank with all his guns

trained on yours truly.

Mm -hmm. Do you know what I did? Yeah. You woke up.

Ain't you kindly last, all right, Corporal?

I'll finish the lay -up and that chicken run, Madam.

If you care to come outside.

Why don't you go away? Madam and me's busy.

Corporal Puller.

Oh. I want to volunteer to go back to base.

Ben, you'll do. Get your kit back.

Yes, sir, but I was just... Come on now, Ben. Hurry up.

I don't know. Every time you get a cushy filly.

Go on into battle, Earl Flynn.

You've got another war to win.

They're leaving.

Leaving? Yes, they're going to look for the Arabs.

They'll be months and months.

Oh, I thought I couldn't go without saying goodbye.

You're not going already.

But you've only just arrived.

C 'est la guerre.

Oh, it's terrible.

I must pick some fruit for your journey.

Well, you are very wise to travel while it is daylight.

It's so easy to get lost at night.

I could get lost anywhere.

Excuse me.

I will personally put these things in your truck, Mr. Cheney, with some wine.

Thank you so much.

Well, goodbye, Yasmin.

But I shall be back.

That's what the Capitano said, too. Yes, well, I'm not worried about him.

No, it's the skipper, Major Rattle.

A wonderful chap.

Born leader of men and all that, but... When I'm away...

He's not going?

No, that's what I'm trying to get at.

He'll be here alone with you.

And I'm very fond of him, Yasmin, but... Oh, you see, a chap of his age.

He ought to be on a desk job in Cairo.

He's frightfully susceptible.

Parfait, you're jealous.

Not at all.

It's just that I don't want the old boy to go making a fool of himself.

You really think he's dangerous?

No, of course I don't.

He's been over quite a bit of grass in his time.

Yes, there was a girl in Cairo.

I don't think I should tell you about her.

You don't have to talk about him.

Yasmin, promise me that you won't forget me.

I'll never forget you, Puffin.

Coming.

I'd like to bring you something back.

Something you'll remember me by. Oh, please, Puffin.

Nylons, size nine.

Nylons.

Coffin.

For the journey.

Thanks, pal.

Yes.

You, sir, get the Major his hat.

What's the hurry, Major?

No, no, I'm not going.

What?

Bye.

Let's go, Ben.

What's the line?

Good.

Hello there.

Long time no see.

Am I glad to see you, sir.

Oh, where's my sunken path?

Run into any trouble?

Nothing much.

Skipped out one night with the Highland Division, or thought we did. Slept like

babies. Turned out at first light that we joined the Africa Corps.

We started early that morning.

Did you get the surf thrower?

The old quarter bloke thought I was sand happy when he read it, but I got it in

the end. Good.

Well, you go and clean up.

When you feel like it, we'll have a natter.

Right.

By the way, did you manage my little commission?

Sorry, Bill.

I tried everywhere, but there wasn't a single pair of nylons left in Cairo.

But I managed to get some others.

Oh, good.

Yes, some smashing pairs of... Lyle train, flesh -colored.

They say the Arab ladies prefer them, anyway.

Hmm. I'll see you later.

Statesmanship ends.

Statesmanship.

Puffin! I do think I've been hiding from you.

Oh, how wonderful to see you back.

Yasmin, I've thought of nothing else but you all the time I've been away. I

don't believe you. You've been the guy wrong. I can prove it.

Oh, Huffin, you're wonderful.

Wonderful.

So sorry.

It's a bit dusty out there, you know.

Ah, I say, old man.

I want to have a word with you.

Now, I know you want to see the back of us.

Perhaps a major on his way would be a pleasure.

Splendid. Now, I tell you what I want you to do.

I want you to go to these Arab friends of yours with token gifts from me and

arrange a conference.

No.

Oh, well, then I'm afraid we'll just have to stick around and hope they turn

Oh, look at the beautiful present Puffin has given me.

So you have come back with token gifts, have you?

Major, if I arrange this conference, do you promise to go, all of you, for good?

Oh, definitely.

Very well.

You win.

Well done.

Then you set off at first light.

Oh, by the way, Mr.

Chaney will be going with you.

Sandbags in the desert.

It's like your English calls to Newcastle, Mr.

Cheney. They don't issue us with armour -plated underpants, you know. In case of

mines, chum. Poof! Come on, Vince, put the lucky dip in. Right, you are, sir.

Come on, Santa Claus, only 50 shopping days to Christmas.

You've got a nice sack of toys there. Kiss the kids for me.

What's that?

It's a minefield.

Hop in, old man. We'll skirt you.

Oh, it must have been a stray one.

It's all right. Nothing to worry about. No. Now, this won't stop us.

No. He's down at the wheel. We've got a spare one. No. I shouldn't get out.

No. I'd tread on another.

Oh.

Yasmin, you're like a breath of peace.

It was charming of you to address for me.

Will you promise me something?

Well, it depends, Major.

Well, it sounds silly, perhaps.

But I'd like you to think of this as our song.

Will you?

Oh, I always do, Major.

Every time I sing it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You like all the English.

Sentimental.

Queer, isn't it?

You know, there's something about this place, though.

A sort of enchantment.

No wonder these desert nomads have such quiet dignity, such matchless calm.

They greet you, blood brother.

Peace be with you.

Hey, what do you make of that?

Smash it.

The great thing is to keep your legs together. What?

See what I mean?

Now you have a go.

Like that?

Not bad at all. Keep at it.

Practice makes perfect, you know.

Two dirty dead goods. Tell the Major. Rex, I'm two.

Jerry, detachment approaching, sir. How many?

An arm and a half truck with a couple of guns on it and about a dozen men.

Ah, yes, Rex. Stop.

I'll be with you in a minute.

We must be leaving.

You'd better come with us. No, no, no. I'm staying.

I can't leave him, Mark. Crikey, poor Puffin.

Oh, all right. We'll keep undercover.

Oh, I'm sorry about this.

Good luck, Major.

Thanks. We'll be back.

Now get a move on, Doombear, will you? They'll be on us.

Why, you might as well come and decency the waker. We're out of the place.

Now come on, ducks down the cellar. And don't you worry, we'll be back.

All set?

Couple of minutes, sir.

Good, I'll go and get my clothes. Oh, give me a booby trap, Vince. Yes, sir.

Thanks.

Oh, I mean, don't you worry, will you?

Oh, you must hurry, Major.

Yes, sir. Come on, tell me. Yes, sir, a minute.

Get out of here as soon as you can.

Warmer, sir, ma 'am, Mr. Chaney, that the Germans are here. I'll try and

intercept them, but if I can't, tell Mr. Chaney to meet me at the front of your

post. You got it? I got it. Well, let's get moving, sir.

Oh, and tell them not to use that washroom. Sir!

All right! Now go and get my clothes.

No time, sir. It's not our neighbor. They're on us.

Yes, sir. Where are you?

Oh, and don't forget about that washroom.

All right, sir.

Get ready.

Your name?

Yasmin Palas.

What do you do here?

This is our hotel.

I'm a member of the staff.

Then in future you will attend to your duties in a more fitting and modest

costume.

Who are you?

Yousef, Major Domo, Captain Effendi. Where's the proprietor?

He visits friends, Effendi. Only one, two days come, all right, I will go for

him. No one shall leave the hotel.

Who's in charge during his absence?

I am, Herr Leutnant.

Then pay attention.

This hotel is requisitioned.

It will be run on strictly military lines.

But in accordance with the laws of humanitarian warfare, I shall not evict

Thank you, Herr Leutnant.

My men are disciplined soldiers.

They will cause no trouble.

As for myself, my wants are simple.

They will be attended to, Herr Leutnant. Thank you.

I see a welcome has been prepared.

One minor change and I shall be satisfied.

You wash, Effendi? What? Yes.

Very nice bathroom upstairs. Very sweet. Very clean.

I have work to do.

I shall bath later.

Upstairs, Effendi.

Water no good here.

No hot.

I prefer cold.

Hartmann.

Booby! Booby traps!

Search the place everywhere!

Everyone is under house arrest!

Oh, Gesundheit!

The Arabs in this part of the desert. Are they friendly? Very friendly.

Only cut Christian throats.

There's a small party of some approaching this hotel.

Well, that will be Emma defending with the friends you visit. I told you. Oh,

please let me defend you. No shooting. They're all friends.

There will be no shooting unless it's necessary.

You serve my coffee.

There's no place like home.

Tell them to settle down while I get a major.

Yasmin!

Yasmin!

Where is everyone?

When the cats awake, the mice they play.

But still, it's early. It's very early.

What happened? Where's the Major? The Major is waiting for you at the front of

the post. The Germans are here.

Not either.

Tell them not to worry.

Tell them there's been some mistake.

How's it going?

We must hide quick in the cellar.

What's going on here?

Your name is Emet? Oh, yes.

These are my friends. They came to see the place.

And now they have seen it. And they're going away again.

Why are you in such a hurry?

Perhaps you didn't expect to find me here.

But why don't you answer?

Ah, there you are at last.

Good morning, Herr Leutnant. Good morning. I trust you slept well. Thank

I thought you were never coming back.

He has fallen into these late English ways, Herr Leutnant.

They are a very bad influence.

Now, the goats are all ready.

The goats, they are.

Eight males, four females, nine kids, 21 in all.

Every year at this time, our Arab friends come to renew their flocks, Herr

Leutnant. Goats are very important to them, food and drink.

Imat, take the sheiks to see them now.

I'll show the goats to my friends, Herr Leutnant.

You will excuse me, Herr Leutnant, but I have so much to do in the kitchen.

Those Arabs, who are they? Oh, sheikhs, important men. Are there many followers?

Very ferocious.

Good. You know Machiavelli once said, it is wiser and cheaper to win the

friendship of the conquered than to put them to fire and sword.

I agree. I agree.

Good. Then they will stay. No one will leave.

But they can't do that. They have their responsibilities. They must go back.

They must go back to their camels, their donkeys, their goats, to their wives.

But I'll entertain them first. I'll feast them royally tonight.

What is it? The eyeball.

Tell him I never touched it. But you must.

You must. It's a mark of his favor.

He would betray me. He's on your side.

You're having a marvellous success, Herr Leutnant. The sheikhs think that you

are a great man.

They do?

After the feast, I'm going to talk to them, one by one.

No, no, they don't like being separated.

I have certain questions to ask, which I think they would prefer to answer

alone.

Serve the coffee, will you?

Very well, Herr Leutnant.

It is like you, my Liebling.

Yes, but it's full of peeps, Gunther. Ah, but it is plump and sweet.

Oh, Feldwebel, the lightning wants his indigestion powder.

We must get that idiot of an Englishman out of here.

Now what has happened? The lightning is seeing them one by one. Chain is bound

to give himself away.

Then the fat will be in the fire.

Yes, and I know whose fat it will be.

Go back. Keep them apart at all costs.

I will think of something.

I'm sure you will.

Hurry, my darling.

Fatima, did she take everything?

No. She left her basket.

Oh.

Thank you.

Congratulations, Amit. You've done very well.

By the way, there's one sheik you have not introduced me to. Bring him to me.

No, there.

Music!

It would be impolite while the music is playing.

Oh, yes, yes, of course, yes.

Thank you. I like to be correct.

Later.

You must get out of here. The lieutenant suspects you. Why?

I don't know.

I must speak to the Sheik first.

It's impossible.

to the palm of the hand.

He says that in the desert, water is thicker than blood and far less

What does he mean?

He means there's nothing doing while the light man holds the oasis.

Tell him not to worry about that. We'll be back.

Oh, please, not again.

Be seeing you. Good luck.

Oh, please.

What's the matter? Please.

The bill.

Thanks a lot. And give my love to Yasmin.

Is this the best you can do?

Well, you've got to wear something, sir. You can always have a change. We've got

plenty of them in the truck.

Bit on the bright side, aren't there?

Well, you'd camouflage them a bit, couldn't you?

Come inside.

Hey, Cork!

Here comes Mr. Cheney on a camel!

Oh, blimey, Mr. Cheney. You can't date him.

Where's Mavis? The old girl packed it in. I long for her. Get a hold of the

brute, will you? What's the news, Mr. Cheney? I'll tell you later.

I'm parched. Must have been that eyeball.

Whose eyeball?

Mine. The one I had. Where's the major?

Ah, good work, Puffin.

How'd you make out?

It's no go, sir. The sheiks want to play ball, but they're helpless as long as

the Jerrys hold the oasis.

Ah.

Then it looks like reinforcements and a refit. We'll move back to base in half

an hour.

Hello, Bins.

You been playing netball? I've been primed, sir. Yeah, and so you ought to

I'm mounted.

And don't take any notice, Bins.

He's jealous. They're very becoming.

I guess so.

Well, now.

Are you ready for our little game?

After all, even for a soldier, there must be some relaxation.

I've been looking forward to it.

Very much.

Of course, you must promise me to lose.

On occasions, it's even more difficult to lose than to win.

Even generals sometimes fight battles they find impossible to lose.

You like being a soldier?

No.

Not until I came to Africa, but the desert. I fell in love with the desert.

Like the English major.

Sentimental. No, just practical.

Check.

You're not very gallant, Herr Leutnant.

If you can't lose a game to a woman, you'll never lose your heart.

You're wrong.

I have lost my heart.

Yes, Herr Leutnant?

Yes.

She is very beautiful, Yasmin.

She was a mysterious Eastern dancer at an Arab feast.

And this is me, I'm afraid.

Herr Leutnant, kommen Sie bitte rauf.

Excuse me.

Was ist los?

I don't know, Lieutenant.

Where? Over there, the dust clouds.

Get ready to move.

Tempo, tempo.

Come with me.

Get everything ready.

Quick, quick, quick.

James, we're in a lull. I left my dog up there.

Come on, come on. Tempo, tempo.

What's happening?

I don't know.

God, they're suddenly jumping just next to me.

Without the work.

Hey, man.

The bill.

Hartman?

Herr Leutnant is leaving?

Yes. A large column is approaching from the south.

I propose to withdraw to the desert where I can maneuver and enjoy greater

freedom of action.

Who are they?

I don't know. That's why I'm withdrawing. Ladies, I should take

Herr Emmett, one word. You will not use my bathroom while I'm away, you

understand?

I'm afraid I do.

Goodbye, Herr Leutnant. Take care of yourself.

Goodbye, Gnez, friend.

The moment of danger for me has passed.

I kiss your hand.

Madame.

Jasmine. Jasmine!

Who can they be this time?

Oh, Yusuf, see to these honored guests. And, oh, Yusuf, best bottle.

The war is ending at last.

Can't tell.

Ram Lanto over there.

You may call me Yasmin.

Yasmin.

And your name?

Are you brave, Frenchman? How happy, how gay you have made me.

Likely a partner who once enchanted Antony in these same desert wastes. And

are bewitching.

A creature of infinite variety.

Yes, I'm beginning to realize that.

Sir, sir, here comes the lottery.

That's what we need.

I still don't see why I've got to be the woman. You'll see in a minute. Oh, I

think you look very pretty, sir. You walk behind.

Oh, yes.

Thanks for the tip. They make their wives walk in front now in case of

Go on, bail your face and try and look respectable.

As soon as I've finished reconnoitering the hotel, if the coast's clear, I'll

send up a flare.

Okay, sir.

Well, go on, Mr. Chaney, wag your ribs.

Walk all sinuous like.

Say goodbye, soldier boy.

I'll be thinking about you. I'll be lonely without you.

I'll have nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to make my heart beat.

Bon voyage, soldier boy,

what's the good of delay?

Tell the trumpet to blow, why don't you go? Why does it make me

feel this way?

To say...

this moment we're parted.

I'm right back where I started.

I've got no one to kiss, no one to love, no one to thrill me.

No, no, no.

And so, adieu.

Hey, must you leave already, mon lieutenant?

This is a war of movement.

You astonish me. Ah, the bill.

No, you're my guest.

The most welcome guest I've ever had.

Mille merci.

Et mille baisers.

Alors,

à la fin!

Allez.

Mais qu 'est -ce que vous faites? C 'est ridicule, ça.

Allez.

be thinking about you.

I'll have nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to thrill me.

No, no, no.

And so, adieu,

au revoir.

Goodbye.

Look, everything is as it was. Beautiful.

And peaceful.

And I owe it all to you, Yasmine.

Oh, Imad.

Giuseppe, Alfie, Gunther.

They were very sweet.

I shall miss them.

Mama, before you know it, we shall have guests here again.

You're right.

Let's get to work. Set everything in order.

Mama, to the kitchen.

Giuseppe, to the cellar.

And you, my darling, to the lounge.

The blazes have they got to.

Let's make a circuit.

Come on, Salome.

Keep your head down.

Oh, Imchi. Imchi.

Oh, no, no.

Who were they?

French. Are they all gone?

They've gone and you're back. Yes.

Let's go inside.

You wait here. I'm going to have a recce inside.

Oh, poor Ghent.

He loved sausage.

It's all right. It's only me.

Did anyone

use my bathroom?

No, no. They were in a hurry.

Pity. I would have sped them on their way. Come up to the roof with me.

Oh, by the way, I left my bottle of medicine somewhere.

Oh, I kept it for you. It's in the bar. Oh, good.

Oh, now I remember.

I left it in the lieutenant's bed. In your bedroom.

Oh, good.

I need it, Rob.

I'll get it on the way back.

Don't worry. My men will soon be back. Tell me, did I leave my toothbrush in

here? No, a pair of suspenders.

He's back. I know. What do you mean you know? He came through the kitchen. He

came through the garden with the goats.

Who? The major? No, the lieutenant.

They must be kept apart.

Surprise.

The prodigal returns.

What now?

I'll clean you later. What?

Frau and Jasmin, you are surprised to see me, eh?

There are no surprises left for us.

Stand by for an announcement.

Here is a special communique from the Karo spokesman.

With the exception of the coastal areas, hostilities everywhere in North Africa

have ceased.

They are gone, Imad.

This time they've really gone for good.

Oh, I'm sorry I made you jealous.

No, it was the Englishman, the Major. It was he that I was really afraid of. How

could you ever think there was anyone but you?

God, the Capitano was rather nice.

Say, hello there. Is anybody home?