Original subtitles

Ah. My kids never forgave me when

I bought super POLONIA Brothers for Nintendo.

The cosmic vastness of space.

This guy needs billions and billions of voice lessons.

From high above.

But what really lies beyond our galaxy? Do we rule the stars?

Being the only life form to exist? Or are there others?

I'm your host. A YouTuber who has been banned from a regional Comic-Con

Accounts of visitations of creatures from other planets

are documented on a weekly basis.

By drunken hicks.

The more unfortunate incidents the capture of

unwilling victims for experiments and observation.

Where do these creatures come from? What do they want on Earth?

To spice up the Tanner family's lives with their wisecracking?

Or do they watch our planet with evil intentions?

Waiting for the right time to slip past

our uncaring eyes, and reveal their hidden agenda.

The hidden agenda implies the existence

of hidden action items. Circling back.

Pray we are ready. ♪♪♪

Gah! No! I'm not ready! Grope Bill instead!

What the hell, Kevin?

I mean we're all in this together! Go man. Bill.

♪♪♪ Feeders.

The things you put birdseed in, are now a major motion picture.

Go Major Tom!

Feels like Mark Gormley should be standing in front of these graphics.

- Throwing a power stance? - Oh yeah.

And Gordon Ranger as Gary LeBlanc.

♪♪♪ Theme from Feeders.

♪♪♪ Huh? Do Gretta Gerwig movies have aliens created by credits?

I don't think so. Point Polonias!

Okay guys. Before we land, is anyone deathly allergic to water?

Oh, I am.

- Me too! - Ah, well. Good thing I asked.

This could have really gotten stupid otherwise. Let's go home.

We come in peace. and in search of duty free cigarettes.

Hi kids! I'm Smokey the Bear.

Isn't it weird that I don't wear a shirt?

♪♪♪ Ah, fishing. When you want to get outdoors,

but aren't big on the whole "being sober" thing.

♪♪♪ Okay. I know this is a digital video file,

but I still feel a strange urge to adjust the VCR track.

A river runs through it. "It" meaning a crappy movie.

Of course.

Well, seems complicated, but it's the only way he can go. Ugh!

It's the sporty all-new Chevrolet Feeder!

Yeah, this is gonna be one of those movies,

where everyone looks like they're wearing an ankle monitor.

So, yeah. The director said the mustache wasn't a problem.

I was surprised too!

because the pants imply there's something down there to cover up!

Something impressive. Thanks, Smokey.

Dr. Hip.

Look that says, "I've eaten muskrat, when I didn't have to."

♪♪♪ What the hell was that? A vehicle without truck nuts??

If that don't beat all. A meteor!

Well I hope it doesn't burn the fucking forest down.

See, that was Smokey's original catchphrase.

The Polonia Brothers lobbied hard for a hideous, boxy trucks,

making real time three point turns. Oscar category.

They're not really putting that in a movie, are they?

Glasses from the Kent Tekulve collection.

A man who's written in Jeff Foxworthy for president.

How did UFO effects get worse? Forty years, AFTER Plan 9?

Oh god! I've gotta get beamed down closer next time.

Guess I'm not fishing anymore, or?

This driving and parking makes James Nguyen look like a bike advocate.

There's another one. I knew this was gonna be a bad day.

I guess I'll follow the first one. It'll start a fire before the other one, anyway.

I hate having spiritual awakenings,

triggered by the realization we're not alone in the Cosmos.

Why are there so many, films about Feeders?

Am I Groot? Or is he Groot? Groots away!

Somehow, they made taking a picture look faker than the aliens!

Doing a shoot for Unimpressive Vistas magazine.

Next up, all of Kansas!

Ah, it's good to be celibate.

This is great. Have you had enough, yet?

Uh, let me get ten more of the same picture of nothing.

This is a page right out of history. Yeah, a real boring page.

Look, I gotta get some fuel in this, Derek.

Oh come on, Bennett. Loosen up.

I mean this cross country road trip is supposed to be fun.

Yeah, would be a lot funner when we hit the Atlantic ocean,

and I can watch all those BABES in those skimpy suits.

Oh! School lunch ladies, huh? Come on, let's go into town.

I wanna grab some pictures of the devastation.

You're a sick man.

The "devastation" refers to what he did to the motel bathroom.

Pictures.

Okay. Stop showing people entering or exiting cars!

Sadly, the Polonias did not obey that sign.

♪♪♪ He's hunting for needlessly specific chyrons.

Whoa! There's a super realistic alien back here!

Guess you'll have to take my word for it.

I guess for 1982, these effects weren't bad.

Yeah, this came out in 1996. Same year as Independence Day.

Doh!

Oh yeah. Full stop. What? No e-brake? You call this a parking scene?

Place called Debbin's Crossing.

This was a place that was destroyed by the flood?

Yeah. Debbin floated across, face down.

Can you swim? Just in case.

The flood was last month, and they're still finding bodies.

No. No signs of intelligent life so far.

Nick Nolte's birthplace!

I'm gonna die there, too, twinkle toes!

Maybe this afternoon.

Ansel Adams junior, disgraced the family's name.

Herman Cain's campaign manager.

Forget The Insider. This is what really brought down big tobacco.

You see kids, it was called "film".

Oh damn. ♪♪♪ Out of film.

Good! Let's get the hell out of here! Okay.

All right. There's no way this wasn't made on a dare!

♪♪♪ So peanuty.

Yeah, this movie was filmed the week

after putting your car in reverse, was invented.

So, it was still really impressive to people.

♪♪♪ Maybe it's a gender swap Thelma and Louise?

And they're about to plummet to their deaths?

- Be great. - Come on, come on. Do it!

Let the rejected music for the Nintendo Wii shop comfort you.

Should we find a motel or camp in the woods? Uh? Let's camp in the woods.

We've got a lot of gear. And besides, we've gotta save our money for the ocean.

Buying the ocean? Wow! High rollers.

There's a camp site. About eighteen miles from here.

Oh please be Camp Crystal Lake.

Get some gas and some dinner on the way? Good.

You know, this has been a pretty uneventful trip. It's not over yet.

Anything could happen.

Yeah. Bikini babes could mock you, they could laugh at you.

The weather forecast for the next two days looks good.

More news? Can't they play any music out here?

I refuse to change the station and find out.

Reports of a glowing meteor or fireball, soaring across the Pennsylvania sky.

♪♪♪ No explanation has been given to us from

the authorities explaining this phenomenon.

Keep looking hard at the radio. That'll help it make sense.

Do you believe that? Aww, it's all a bunch of horse shit.

These people watch too much television. Yeah. The outer limits.

There is nothing wrong with your television set.

Do not attempt to adjust the picture. These are the real actors,

and it is really this bad. ♪♪♪

A man who has asked his wife to call him John Deere, during sex.

Only you, can very gradually prevent forest fires.

I agree!

Director left a kiddie pool on the lawn for too long.

Say.

- No, no. - The on foot equivalent, of a parking scene.

Great. Now the aliens are gonna start pulling into traffic and parking.

♪♪♪ No! No! I was kidding!

So this is what best-in-class towing capacity looks like. Hmmm!

♪♪♪ Filmed in glorious boot-o vision.

Well, so far, it's meteors one. Jade Wanstead, nothing.

Love this crew cab. So roomy!

Easy. EASY! And..... FEED!

- They're Feeders. - Mm hmm!

The aliens went with this over Panda Express.

And I gotta say, I'm really with the aliens on this one.

Every aspect of the driving experience MUST be documented.

Hey listen, I'll be right back, okay?

Gonna make that earlier bathroom devastation

look like something out of Martha Stewart magazine.

Uses his fake ID to buy lottery scratchers.

Hi! I'm looking for disappointment?

This is like watching Lyman from Garfield on the prowl.

Hi! What are you doing?

Oh hi. I guess it was all just a beautiful dream, huh?

Hiya then!

You wouldn't believe what these throw backs

are charging for batteries and film. Normal market rates! It's insane.

What are you smiling about? Women! Women! I just set us up with some girls.

Oh no! You're kidding? I just got over that last batch of cooties!

Thankful? Last time you set us up, we ended up in a dike bar,

with two lesbians talking about the trick pony!

- Whoa! - Yeah. They prefer to be called tiny horses.

Maybe you'll lose your virginity? Very funny, asshole.

Yeah, he's saving himself for a mannequin Kim Cattrall.

It's time to play "Is that the bait? Or the catch?"

Okay now. I know I keep a little fish size

top hat and monocle in here somewhere.

Heh heh. ET just stole your snack, bitch.

Now I'm doing paleo. Works for me.

This is like if Predator took place in MTV's Buckwild.

] Don't laugh. I start arm day tomorrow.

Aliens just came here for that hat. Mission accomplished!

Like to thank the movie for letting me

know precisely what time I'm not giving a about.

He grooms like a barbary macaque!

Dammit. You haven't parked in nearly ten minutes.

Is everything all right?

Gonna be a hot time in the city tonight.

Shit! Gah! We killed 80s Phil Collins!

Came out of nowhere. I didn't see him!

Jesus. Wonder if he's still alive?

If only there was a way to find out.

Hey, uh, dude? You owe me a new fender.

♪♪♪ I'm real sorry, mister.

I? We've gotta get him to the hospital! Fast!

Okay quick. You grab his ruptured spleen, I'll get him by the shattered spine.

What is he saying?

Open the door! Come on! Let's get moving! He's in shock!

Well, of course he is. I mean look what movie he's in!

Jesus! This is all we need.

How am I supposed to explain this to the local skanks?

Racing to save a life at speeds of up to,

but never exceeding, twelve miles an hour.

Uh, guys? I'm pretty sure that's a branch library, not a hospi?

You know what? Never mind.

Hello? Is anyone even here? Hello? We need help out here!

Yes? What is it? I'm a notary republic. What's with the bloody guy?

This guy jumped in front of our car.

We clipped him. I don't think he's gonna be okay.

Just bring him back here. quickly.

Just set him up on the table. I'll get him just as.

Now as licensed chiropodist, I'll be focusing exclusively on his feet.

Arms at the sides.

Is there anything you can tell me about this gentlemen?

Uh, just a guess. Four marriages, counterfeit EBT card.

A son who refuses to speak to him.

Worry about that, I'll take care of it.

- Hand me those genital clamps. - What for?

Dammit! There's no time!

Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Well definitely no heart beat in his kidneys.

What are you doing? Is he gonna be okay?

I'm afraid I can't do anything more for this man. He's dead.

I'm sorry, gentlemen. I tried literally nothing I could do.

While I call the police.

Uh? Doc? What did you make of all those weird bite marks?

Sorry. Moved over to the young adults section. I mean the OR!

Well, at least we'll have something

to talk about if we ever meet Matthew Broderick.

♪♪♪ We did the right thing, didn't we?

Crushing that poor bastard with your car? Sure.

I don't know. Why did that guy run out in front of our car?

It would have been much more satisfying to mow him down ourselves.

I don't know. Maybe something was chasing him. What?

Well, one thing's for sure.

The police won't want to talk to us about this. And we can just leave.

- He shaved his mustache? - That isn't him.

Hello? This is Donna?

Donna. It's Michelle. What's up?

I made my dad lunch, but he never came home. I met a cute guy today.

God, Donna! Enough already about your mysteriously missing father OKAY?

He and a friend were passing through. Where are they from?

Idaho. Or somewhere out there. They invited us to a party out at the park.

The park? I don't know. My father is the head ranger.

He'll catch us. He'll catch you? What is he?

A park ranger in a Woody Woodpecker cartoon?

In about two hours, and I'll be ready.

Okay, and don't worry about your dad. He probably got a bite somewhere else.

Oh come on, Feeders? Take all you want, but eat all you take.

Very wasteful.

Close encounters of the AFFORDABLE kind.

Dear, god. Kubota? This so-called all-American family is buying Japanese!

Oh sorry. Sorry! I am just eight thumbs today.

Gee, whiz. I hope I never inspire Barb from Stranger Things.

The grimy, tennis shoes really

complement the shapeless Fruit of the Loom tshirt.

Top notch. ♪♪♪

The art department nailed what I thought her closet would look like.

Gave it some thought, did ya?

Yeah, gotta go buy some more Feeder traps.

Speaking of Feeders, guys.

My eyes are just tucking in to this glorious visual feast.

Yeah.

♪♪♪ VERY low key game of kick the can.

- ♪♪♪ - Yah! Feeder! Oh no. - Just her. Sorry.

When she's done here, she has to go hang out with Peppermint Patty.

Call her sir.

Well, that exposed insulation IS pretty terrifying.

Itching all over, already.

Come on, you can do this.

You've got your junior garage explorer's badge in Girl Scouts.

And Pinterest lost a valued poster of cat memes that day.

Cookies!!! Num, num num num!

And???? I'm full.

♪♪♪ JFK cam. Sorry. Lashing out.

Subway? I knew I smelled gross bread.

This music implies that Lacey Chabert is starting a new life in a small town.

Love. Again.

Oh, I hope this is the lengthy check the

anti-freeze they always show during Oscar reels.

How about over there? Okay.

You sure we didn't pass that Subway?

Nope. I'm pretty sure it's down here, past this swamp.

- Feeders. - Away.

They've arrived at? Valley Lodge, I assume.

♪♪♪ Feeders.

♪♪♪ He was bitten by Steve Prefontaine,

and now he's turning into a WERE-prefontaine.

He's got LEGS!! And he knows how to use them!

- No, he doesn't. - Was doing a good job.

♪♪♪ You know, it doesn't matter WHERE they're going.

They're parked in a HORRIBLE place.

What the hell?

Would you just get to your destination??!!

Meanwhile, at the dentist's office, that receives car accident victims.

Ah, his long con for a free ghost costume is nearly complete.

Well, your toe bone connected to your foot bone.

Your foot bone connected to your heel bone.

Hmm. I've been doing it all wrong!

Top doctor? Or loan shark over by the Greyhound depot?

That's it. I gotta get new blasted denim mom jeans.

Let's see here. Which Charlie's Angel are you?

Are you impetuous, like a Jill? Hmm.

Well, that blew their special effects budget, so. Trees!

♪♪♪ God.

Ahh. The runoff from a pig farm has never looked so charming.

Gentle feeder.

Feeders.

Hmm. Not seeing any babes in skimpy bikinis?

Well maybe this isn't the ocean?

Hmm.

Feeders, I love you.

Mm hmm. So? Waaaaaaaa!!! is their main point. Seems to be.

Wow. I can't believe we finally made it to Manhattan.

I crave leg meat. Oh, that guy's disappointing.

So that's when I made the decision to look like Parker Stevenson.

What? Well, that badger isn't due for its prostate exam until 4 o'clock?

Well dammit. I forgot how to walk.

Yeah.

♪♪♪ Started forging diplomas, and just got carried away.

♪♪♪ Oh, Microsoft paint took a bite out of his corpse.

Gah!! Still not as bad as my cat!

I've seen better decor at a Rapid Oil Change.

- Yep. Each actor had to do his own effects! - Wow.

This is how Prince saw the world.

The purple? And the shortness. Ah, of course.

Boy, we sure did kill a guy today, but this makes it all worth it.

Yeah, they left this in the video toaster a little too long.

A bagel setting.

Oh, you're NOT folding over the top third of your giant socks?? Nerd!!!

I have a spare CPAP machine you can borrow.

Who's out there? ♪♪♪ Answer me!

Obey my obvious authority!

Damn you, startled me! Geez, what's wrong with you?

You look like you just saw a ghost?

Something out here watching me? Didn't you hear it?

Didn't you hear it watching him? No, I didn't hear anything.

Making weird animal growls or something.

There's a million animals out here. You probably just startled one.

- Well, he is rather startling. - Mm hmm.

Didn't sound like any animal I ever heard. Sounded? Unearthly.

You wouldn't know the difference between

a brown bear and hoot owl if it bit you on the ass.

And now you're expecting me to believe

you're hearing strange animal sounds, and they're watching you? Come on.

He does a passable Weird Al impression.

Ahhh! She's rising up out of hell! She's coming to kill us all!!!!

I don't think that's perspective.

It's a weird perspective there.

♪♪♪ Donna? Are you here?

- Kevin] The director's vision? - Grimey tennis shoes.

You thought the first scene of a woman creeping

slowly around an ugly house was pointless and dull?

Well, try the second one.

She doesn't have giant wire rimmed glasses?

How can they let her be in this movie???

Ahhh! Red stuff of some kind!!!

Wow. So it's that easy? What the hell was wrong with everyone else??

Really.

Tell Kukla, I'll see him in hell.

Yeah, our species is filled with honey mustard, okay??

- She just wiped him out. - I know.

♪♪♪ Meanwhile, on the ground, next to someone's car, somewhere.

Someone's car, where are you going? Oh, and who's driving you?

And, where were you?

There. Does that clear it all up, Bill?

Ah, yes. It's 6:15. All is explained.

- Yeah. - Thank you...someone's car.

I sense a disturbance.

That one of our kind was lightly tossed on a garage floor and stomped.

Now I'm sensing that I'm his dentist. Hated that guy.

I'm telling you. You're getting all worked up over nothing.

Yeah, but it's 6:15, possibly 6:16 by now!

Doesn't that mean anything to you??

Then what is it? Explain it to me.

I don't know. I just FEEL it. 6:17. by the way.

Sounds like a jet. Well, it was singing "I've got a crush on you."

Man, that was a UFO!! It wasn't.

It's like two stoners arguing whether

or not Syd Barrett was the heart of Pink Floyd.

He wasn't!!

Hold it, hold it. Don't you think we're overreacting a little bit here?

I mean, there has to be a natural explanation for all of this.

Natural?? Why the hell don't you tell me what it is??

My exact thoughts about the Impossible Whopper. Let's bail.

Right about now, all those shapely bikini babes

are looking at their watches, going "Where ARE those guys?"

There's a Feeder seeing this going,

"Oh god! Do I really sound like that?" I'm mortified!"

Just 9 1/2 more miles to our parking spot.

Their car is now a toilet for raccoons.

Eh, eh! Come on, bony knees! Let's get out of here!

Dammit! No good! What's wrong?

Won't start!! What do you mean?

Weren't you here for this??

What do you mean?

Time to use what I learned from that

two-year Pep Boys correspondence school!

Hmm?

Must have been that saucer.

I think we're gonna have to walk out of here. Is it safe?

What a terrible Lawrence Olivier impression.

Something had to be piloting that thing.

Maybe what you saw earlier! What choice do we have?

Let's just get what we need and go!

Aww, that UFO's turning me into a real grumpy pants, I tell ya!

Oh great. The movie's gone into sleep mode.

Makes two of us.

♪♪♪ Dammit!

What? The girls are probably on their way here right now!

To meet strange men in a forest!

Now what?? Hopefully, they'll see we're not there, and just go home.

If we're lucky? Yeah, maybe we'll meet up with them, and hitch a ride into town.

We'd better hurry up. It's getting dark.

Darkness not pictured.

Getting dark.

Barney vision!

♪♪♪ Wait! Hold up, man! I can't go anymore!

Can't stop now. Gotta keep going. We should have never left the road.

We don't even know where we are!

My best guess is Tempe, Arizona.

It's okay. We'll get out of here.

The Jason Bourne movies totally stole the

shakey cam idea from the Polonia Brothers.

Ah, the world famous, running of the dweebs!

These guys make me long for the quiet dignity of Bill and Ted.

Shit. Good summation of what we've seen so far. Yep.

Derek? What the hell are you doing? I gotta take a rest.

I'm dying here. Metaphorically. Not like that guy we actually killed.

Oh, Yorick hasn't quite finished decomposing.

It's like someone merged Kip Dynamite

and his Uncle Rico into one person.

What is that? Is that one of the girls? No, I can't tell.

Maybe a bear did it.

♪♪♪ No bear did that.

Bears only eat stolen picnic baskets. Everyone knows that.

The National Park Service should never

have hired these guys to make a commercial for them.

A flying DVD!

This is getting really strange. Almost seems as if it's scanning the area.

Like some kind of scout ship. Looking for merit badges, I suspect.

We're witnessing the beginning of an invasion!

So? Want to know what they like to eat? Yeah, us!

I blame Axe's bacon flavored body spray.

Uh oh. The alien's aren't house trained!

Are you okay? It's just a burn.

I got way worse from removing Hot Pockets from the microwave.

It's a nightmare! It's a fucking nightmare.

Check out our mysterious visitors.

My mom did a great job on the paper mache. I mean, aren't they scary??!!

It's gonna be getting dark soon.

We'd better find a place to hole up. Until morning.

Yeah. Yeah, if there is a tomorrow.

There'd better be. If not what will Tom Cruise be on the edge of?

The popularity of jogging declined

significantly after this movie came out.

I wouldn't leave a camera behind if I were them.

Never know when a woodland hermit might steal

it and use it to start his own lifestyle vlog.

It's too late. We've already missed the first five minutes of Step by Step.

- Aww! - Dammit!

In real life, this house is now home to the official Feeders museum.

Real tourist hot spot.

Thank god. Come on.

People who live in secluded areas are usually cool with trespassers.

Call, Triple A. Ugh. Ugh.

♪♪♪ Eat your heart out, JJ Abrams.

So, I guess they've decided to take the decaying

corpse as a good omen for this place?

I'm disappointed.

I wanted some Home Alone Two, paper clip in the groin action.

Maybe I'll check the closet. See if I can find an even more boring shirt.

Cosmo Kramer would NOT be pleased with that cautious entrance!

I've GOT to get the name of the interior decorator.

Hmm!

Oh, the aliens aliens are acid freaks.

We'd better check this place out real good.

Make sure those things aren't here.

Hummel figurines, I mean. You know how they terrify me.

Yeah, definitely.

Okay then. This is what we're gonna do.

I'll check down here, you check upstairs. okay?

We need some time apart to consider the state of our bromance.

Ugh. I could be banging Marvin the martian's wife right now.

Feel like we're watching a John Oates home movie.

So far, his porn stash is by far, the most disturbing part of this film.

Oh no! I smell Chocadiles!

I can't afford to relapse into my Hostess addiction. Not now!

I gotta hand it to them.

They found a way to make Paranormal Activity look like a fast paced thrill ride!

- Entire lighting budget right here. - Yes.

Okay. Not sure why he needs a candle?

Electricity seems to be working fine for the lamp right back there.

Pretending I'm at an Enya concert! Yeah! Orinoco Flow!

Eh! Untidy stairs! The horror!

Well the Blair Witch is sure taking her sweet time in murdering them!

Come on!

Somebody kicked the map into the strangest, you know? Complications.

Ugh. He's not gonna hold onto the banister for safety?

My god! I can't look!

Increased synthesizer volume, IS the same thing as drama, right?

What's that, candle? You think we should ditch him,

and start a new life together? I don't know. I'll have to think about it, candle.

Ebenezer SCROOGING was a huge fad back in the 90s.

But true Scrooge heads wear a night cap and gown while doing it.

This guy's kind of a poser. Love a good Scrooging.

I should probably have lit the vanilla scented candle,

instead of this skunk one.

Ugh. Taco Bell wrappers everywhere!

Ugh. And is that mild sauce on the ceiling?

This is like War of the Worlds,

if H.G. Wells had undergone a frontal lobotomy before writing it.

Giant tortoises are watching this saying

"Hey? Speed it up, will ya?"

Oh! severed hand! That officially makes this a Star Wars movie.

Oh! You book an AirBNB. Get what you get.

Darkness. It's blue.

And maybe fashion models ARE too thin these days.

Well, the bloody arm is CONCERNING, but I hate to judge

too quickly and miss out on our dream home.

I know I always feel more comfortable in a room

where my shirt matches the wall.

Oh.

Come on.

Okay, Phillip Baker Hall could have completed

a triathlon in the time it took them to search 15 square feet of this level!

Oh yeah. You gotta have a wallsicle.

Gas station romance. Vertical strips of light.

A guy who looks a little bit like Judge Reinhold,

slowly descending a flight of stairs. Feeders has it all!

AFI list, here we come.

Yeah.

Look what I found. We can use this in case of a close encounter. Definitely.

And, if you come across any wheat, you can harvest the HELL out of it!

It's so quiet out there. I know.

It's so quiet, John Kransinky and Emily Blunt are living in the backyard!

Ha ha! Hey ho! Quiet.

Get you to a hospital. It burns.

- also, when I pee. - But that's unrelated.

Some sort of weapon.

A HAWS-pital.

Oh come on.

Hugh Laurie! No wait. That's a literal house.

- Different thing. - Yeah.

You know? If you need a new hand, I know where to find one.

I'm so jealous of your white bubbly stigmata.

- I'm scared man. - What if we can never play patty cake again?

Shh! Shh!

If your uncle finds out we're filming in his house while he's asleep, we're dead.

Thought I heard something. Where?

I don't know.

But we'd better slowly explore the house for another forty five minutes.

Oh god.

Cornea cam? Not my favorite cam.

- Mustache and tooth cam? - No.

Gah! Kill it! Not an alien. I know.

He's already given himself SO much tetanus with that thing!

She wore that red shirt her whole life. Added the glasses later.

RIP Donna.

Hey! You guys know where the remote is?

What the hell??

Not quite Children of the Corn. He's an indoor kid of the corn.

Hmm. Anyone else feel like snapping into a Slim Jim?

Fucker! He does the same thing after he

beats a 7 year old, playing Mario Kart online.

Just realized one 900 charges here won't go to his home bill.

Figures. It's dead.

The party line, I mean. No local babes looking to chat at all.

So, these aliens traveled across space

just to eat some human meat, and get high off electricity?

They're dumb, but they know how to party!

Well, typically at this hour, these guys

are staring at a Ron Popeil infomercial,

and wondering where it all went wrong.

Shit.

The ship is back at the place where we've never been!

Ah, wait. Never mind. It's just the Domino's Pizza guy with his high beams on.

Dear god. Help us all.

God can't hear anyone tonight.

- God here. I can totally hear you. - I just don't care.

It's crashing!

Yeah, the only thing crashing is the

Apple 2E computer running that animation.

Tell my virginity, I was never gonna lose it anyway.

Scatter some Combo fragments

on him, and this is just a normal Saturday night.

Oh, dammit, I slept on my arm.

Which is not a big deal, because my arm is as thick as a pencil.

Very subtle Snyders of Hanover product placement back there.

Snyder of Berlin fought them tooth and nail for the contract,

but lost out in the end. Hanover!

Come on! Come on!

Whoa. Intimidating.

They sent the ONLY aliens this guy could defeat. Is that the best you can do??

They screen savered him to death.

Uh oh. He got pulled into a lesser Doctor Who episode from the 80s.

No! Don't use the floss on me! It hurts!

Oh shut up, you big baby.

Captain, our pro computer says this man is the sexiest being on the planet.

Uh? We may need to reboot that thing.

It's like a flushing toilet took human form.

Ugh. Another Nestle's Quik hangover. It's time to admit I've got a problem.

Bennett? I can't immediately detect his stench! He must be missing.

The door knob? But that couldn't possibly be Bennett.

He lacks the upper body strength to turn one.

Well, it's trying the door. So, it's probably not the Kool Aid man.

That's a useful analysis, though.

I'm just narrowing it down for us.

Good. It's rude to make evil wait outside.

Wow. It turned the door knob while the screen door was closed. Impressive.

♪♪♪ Derek?

Help me. Bennett. Jesus!

Sorry it took me so long to distinguish you from a horrible alien monster.

But you know, look at yourself! Careful. Sit down.

What happened?

Are we still virgins?

Took me on the ship. They tortured me.

There's someone out there! Maybe it's help!

Or THE Help?

I love that scene where that lady eats poo poo pie.

Who the hell are you?!

And how are you so unbelievably handsome??

Kill him! He's one of those aliens. Listen to me, man.

I don't know what that is over there, but it's not me.

I'm the real Bennett. Look! I'm bleeding!

So am I. Kill him!

He's always bragging about how he can bleed. Kill both of them!

Yeah.

Naw! Quit it! No! you quit it!! Naw.

It's like that time Urkel and Stefan

Urkel beat each other with hammers.

- Hey! Nobody needed to see this shot! - Oh boy.

Okay. Okay. There's gotta be some simple,

rational way, to figure out, who is in fact the real.

Oh!! You can just start hacking. Straight to that. Hacking's good.

Hacking's great.

- Thanks, I guess. But geez. - You didn't even hesitate.

Yeah, there comes a point in every road trip,

where you fantasize about chopping up a clone

of your annoying traveling companion.

and who might be your actual annonying traveling companion.

Not a clone! But you don't really care. Boy, howdy. You got that right.

Tasting the blood? Cool or not cool? What do you think, good buddy?

Hold it. How do I know you're him?

Wait. That's just occurring to you NOW???

Come on, we've gotta get out of here before more of those things come.

Those things, with the glasses and mustache.

Just reconsidering his decision.

In the third grade, you fell down and chipped your front teeth.

I stayed in the nurse's office all day with you. You wanted to cry so bad.

But you didn't. Who else would know that but me?

Ah, good point. If I kill you, that embarassing memory will go away forever.

Chop, chop, chop!!

Come on, help me.

♪♪♪ I'm glad that wasn't me out there you were hacking up. So am I.

But again, it was completely by chance. 50/50 shot.

Totally random.

We've got to get into town. We've gotta talk to somebody. Anybody.

Hey! It sounds like the girls are finally here!

Aww. They just want to do the cha cha slide.

- Uh? Cool reaction, guys. Thanks. - Cut! Very good.

Yeah. keep STANDING at them. That should do the trick.

We love to shake, baby!

Yeah!!

There's so many of them! There are two of them.

Then why fight them?

Put away the Mr. Microphone, Bennett. You're not scaring anyone.

♪♪♪ What? What?

♪♪♪ So much to do.

Nintendo speed runs, mostly.

What are you?? You're not Bennett!

You killed Bennett. Your race is so primitive.

Well, I'd argue that killing Bennett is the mark of a high civilization.

No! Base line.

♪♪♪ We came here from many light years away.

With a simple reason, survive.

Such a long trip. He should have Postmated humanity.

♪♪♪ More food? Even miss taste and.

Uh oh. Get Bennett's epi pen. He must have breathed in some peanut dust.

No fireworks screen saver this time?

Whatever happened to showmanship? Pizazz!

We'll just be here doing this!! It's the only thing we know how to do!

We love it!

6:01am. Our hero finds himself wandering into

the video for Hungry Like the Wolf.

- Running with one hand in your pocket? - It makes you go faster?

Putting the camera on the ground.

When your kid sister borrows your tripod for a project, and leaves it at school.

Consider, putting the camera, on the ground.

Uh? Pretty sure they're not even chasing you, dude.

You could take a little breather, maybe catch some breakfast?

Listen everyone! Please! You have to believe me! The aliens killed Bennett!

Yay! Good!

Um? What's he limping from again?

Can't remember.

Probably gout from living on nothing but cans of Chef Boyardee.

That would do it.

What? Is that supposed to be in the same town he's in?

Okay. So the aliens are collapsing our buildings,

and crushing everyone inside, because they want to, eat us??

They have the power to do this, and yet

they spent the whole movie, chasing down people,

one by one, like rabid squirrels?

No. No!! No!!!

You maniacs! you blew it up! And also you watched all of Feeders!

Which is kind of worse. You maniacs!

Yeah, this is how I reacted when I learned there was a Feeders Two.

No. Which we will be doing. Aww!

Just look at those Feeders! Feeding away, by blowing everything up.

Feeding! ♪♪♪

Huh. So I guess that's it for the movie, and the planet Earth.

Well, based on what we saw of Earth in this movie, Earth had it coming.

Grim, but fair. And hey folks, if you happen to FEED on this movie,

from anywhere other than our site, the sanctioned place for feeding, please head over

to our donate page, and FEED it on back. So we can keep on?

Uh? Feeding? I might have?

- No, no. - No that all tracks. So long everyone! See you next time.

Feed.