Original subtitles

MAN: Aha, the perfect plot on paper.

[MAN CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES]

[GASPS]

[HUMMING]

Wha--?

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

CONSTABLE: Stop, thieves!

BOTH: Huh?

[HORSE NEIGHS]

[MAN LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

[PANTING]

WATSON: Holmes. Holmes, I say.

Holmes? Holmes?

- You'll never guess where I've been. - The public house...

...where word amongst the patrons is...

...another diamond robbery has taken place.

The third in as many days.

By Jove, how did you know that?

Elementary, my dear Watson.

I can tell by the redness of your face how many blocks you've run.

Four and a quarter blocks, by my calculation...

...which would put you at the Rathbone Inn.

Since there's been talk of little else but the diamond robberies...

...I concluded that a new one had occurred.

I assume, in your haste, you neglected to bring a newspaper for verification?

Drat it, Holmes, sometimes my head is emptier than my hat.

Jerry, could you come in here, please?

HOLMES: I say, Jerry, quickly now.

Ah, there you are.

Would you be a good little fellow and fetch us the latest copy of The Times?

[SPUTTERS]

MAN 1: Whoa! Watch it.

[MEN GRUNT]

MAN 2: Whoa! WOMAN: Whoa!

[VIOLIN PLAYING]

What in heaven's name?

Wha--?

Um, thank you.

Great Scott. Who is this ruffian, Holmes?

- Holmes, what is it? - A potential case, doctor.

- Are you free for the next few hours? - I suppose so. What of it?

I need you to accompany me to the Bruce Nigel music hall.

WATSON: That's a rather seamy part of town.

What is this about?

HOLMES: Apparently, we shall find out when we get there.

And you two shall have to learn to coexist...

...for the sake of this investigation.

[PIANO PLAYING]

[SINGING] There's a yearning in the heart

Of this young lady

Alone, so very far away from home

Across the big old pond To foggy London

[YELLS]

RED: To sing this little tune for you again

There's a burning in the heart Of this young bosom

For a pleasure even treasured By the queen

Yes, Victoria herself Has a few upon her shelf

But my brolly is the best I've seen

Bumbershoot, bumbershoot Strolling along with my bumbershoot

Rain or shine, it's divine It simply can't be beat

Bumbershoot, bumbershoot Nothing compares to my bumbershoot

Silk and lace, class and grace My bumbershoot's a treat

Bumbershoot, bumbershoot Wonderful, fun-derful bumbershoot

In the park, on a lark My gamp is tried and true

Bumbershoot, bumbershoot Who needs a man with a bumbershoot?

Good for walks, never talks

And goes in a stand when I'm through Woo!

[WOLF WHISTLES]

Mwah!

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Come in.

Miss Red, Sherlock Holmes at your service, ma'am.

Jerry, behave.

Oh!

Dr. Watson, miss. Dreadfully sorry about that.

No need to apologize, gentlemen. My admirers often act like that.

But thank you so much for coming.

I'm being blackmailed, Mr. Holmes.

I noticed by the ring on your finger you're engaged to be married.

- I presume that's relevant? RED: Very perceptive, sir.

My fiancé is a well-to-do high-society chap...

...who doesn't know I work in this low-class music hall.

HOLMES: Someone is extorting money from you to keep your secret...

...since your fiancé would surely break the engagement, were he to find out.

RED: Precisely. Every evening, after my performances...

...I must travel a long distance and drop off a payment.

I didn't know where to turn...

...until a trusted family friend insisted I seek out your services.

- Where is your residence, if I may ask? - The corner of Brighton and Lane.

That's right behind the Punjab embassy.

- Doctor? Doctor. - Yes, Holmes? What is it?

I have just deduced the motive for the blackmail.

Do you recall the case of the Red-Headed League?

That was the crime perpetrated by your arch-nemesis, Professor Moriarty.

I think this case is quite similar.

It's not really money they're after. It's time.

They need Miss Red to be away from her home.

I don't follow, old top.

The most famous single jewel in the world, the Star of Punjab...

...will be on display starting tomorrow at the Punjab embassy.

This jewel is especially light-sensitive to the rays of a solar eclipse...

...which is to happen tomorrow at 8:03 in the morning.

Everyone will be there, which is why the Star of Punjab...

...is going to be purloined tonight.

- Incredible. - We must get to Miss Red's immediately.

Why, thank you, sir.

You're sweet.

We were lucky to get this assignment guarding the Star of Punchy-jab...

...hey, son of mine?

[CHUCKLES]

I can't tells you how proud I am...

...that you're following in your old man's footsteps as a guard-type dog.

I'm gonna learn you three lessons of being a guard dog...

...just like my pop taught me.

First, you gotta inner-spectorate the area around the diamond...

...and make sure the floor is all secure-like.

Next, you gotta check the inter-gility of the glass.

Yup, solid as a rock. A glass rock, that is.

[CHUCKLES]

That's a good one. Heh-heh-heh.

Oh, I get it. Heh, heh.

Going a little too fast, eh?

I'll try and slows it down a bit.

Lastly, and most importantly...

...you always, always gotta make sure the thing you're guarding...

...in this case the diamond, is safe.

[CHUCKLES]

I know you're excited...

[BARKS]

...but there's no need for conniptions.

We already checked the floor, son. That was lesson one.

My boy, you still gots a lot to learn about guard-dogging.

Hyah!

If my theory is correct, and I'm certain that it is...

...there should be an entrance to a tunnel somewhere in this house.

[WOLF WHISTLES]

[GIGGLES]

[SHRIEKS]

HOLMES: Ah! WATSON & RED: Huh!

Good job, Jerry. Give me a hand, doctor.

By Jove, there is a tunnel.

Sawdust. We're too late.

The Star of Punjab has already been stolen.

They cut a hole right through the embassy floor.

[SNEEZES]

Hadn't we ought to report this to the police?

HOLMES: At this stage, it would only cast suspicion on you, Miss Red.

I need to determine who is behind this theft.

And this may be just the clue we need.

- What is it? - A porcelain button.

Unless I miss my guess, this could only be the work of Brett Jeremy...

...a tailor in Lancashire.

[ALARM RINGING THEN ALL GASP]

WATSON: Come on, chaps.

What are you doing, son?

You're only supposed to ring the alarm if something happens to the--

[GASPS]

Hurry.

[PANTS]

We must split up. Watson and I will go to Lancashire...

...in pursuit of this button. Tom and Jerry, I'm charging you...

...with getting Miss Red to my flat for safekeeping.

Watson, hurry.

WATSON: Here you are. Come on, giddyup.

[JERRY WHISTLES]

Shh!

I think he's trying to tell us something.

Excuse me, mate. That's my shovel.

THIEF: Hyah!

Blimey, the tunnel leads right to this house.

Tom, Jerry, there are constables in my house.

You mark my words, whoever lives here is the one we're after.

All right, men. This is the woman we're looking for.

CONSTABLE 1: Oh, yes. I'll say. CONSTABLE 2: I'll cover the whole area.

CONSTABLE 1: Oh, yeah. Hey, when do we start?

Pipe down now, the lot of you.

I put you into teams of two so you can scour the city...

...and find this hardened criminal.

And in addition, the Punjab embassy has offered the arresting officer...

...a handsome reward.

All right, little buddy.

Why don't you go pick me up an extra pair of handcuffs?

Sure thing, friend.

[CHUCKLES]

Here they are, partner.

Don't forget your billy club.

[CONSTABLE BLOWING WHISTLE]

[RED GASPS]

RED: Oh?! - Huh?

Hey, I think I see someone.

- You do? - Yeah, that way.

[GRUNTS]

Stop, in the name of my reward!

[GRUNTS]

BUTCH: I've got you now.

All right, lassie, you're coming with me.

Oh, there you are.

Aw, shut up.

[PANTS]

TUFFY: All right, all right.

You be waking up the devil with that racket.

Brother Jerry, come to see me now, have you?

What brings a scamp like you to me humble house?

It's sanctuary she be needing, isn't it?

What about him?

If he's okay with you, he's okay with me.

Come on, my lady.

So, what kind of mischief have you gotten yourself into this time, Jerry boy?

You know how I love to hear your stories.

Oh! The police are after you?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

The police are here?

Hey, why are we wasting our time in this place?

Well, you see, it's a statistical fact that criminals often hide in churches.

Please, you must help me. I'm innocent.

All right. Come with me, lass.

Ha-ha-ha. See?

No redheads. Nothing in here but candles.

A good policeman always does a thorough search.

Ha!

Huh?

What now?

I'm not sure.

Do angels have whiskers?

[CHUCKLES]

TUFFY: You two, make yourselves scarce.

Oh, yes.

Listen to this, Butch.

[PLAYING BACH'S "TOCCATA AND FUGUE IN D MINOR"]

Ha, ha. What an amateur. Let me take a whack at it.

[PLAYING BACH'S "TOCCATA AND FUGUE IN D MINOR"]

[SCREAMS]

[PANTS]

Excuse me, mate. That's my shovel.

RED: Are you boys okay?

TUFFY: Shame on you two.

What's the idea leaving a lady all alone in the middle of the night?

The thieves are inside?

Don't be expecting me to go into that snake pit of dancing and laughter...

...and rowdy merry-making. Whoa!

Unless you really need me.

Hey, I wanna go. I think we should go.

- Yeah, it's time to go, isn't it? - Don't worry. We've got loads of time.

[SINGING] There's a yearning in the heart

Of this young lady

Alone, so very far away from home

Across the crowded pub Right in the corner

You'll find the stupid louts You're looking for

There's a burning in the heart Of this young bosom

For a big old rock That's hidden in his hat

Yes, the middle one, you see Holds the diamond treasury

But not for long, you dumb old cats

Hey, waiter, where's my drink?

Bumbershoot, bumbershoot Strolling along with my bumbershoot

Rain or shine, it's divine It simply can't be beat

Bumbershoot, bumbershoot Nothing compares to my bumbershoot

Silk and lace, class and grace My bumbershoot's a treat

Bumbershoot, bumbershoot Wonderful, fun-derful bumbershoot

In the park, on a lark My gamp is tried and true

Bumbershoot, bumbershoot Who needs a man with a bumbershoot?

Good for walks, never talks And goes in a stand when I'm through

[CROWD CHEERING]

MAN: Hooray!

Marvelous.

Oh, spot on, dear.

[BOTH GRUNT]

Huh?

THIEF 1: Oh, no.

Boys, look.

Oy, there he goes. Catch him.

Oy!

Oof! Got him.

Get him. Get him.

[GRUNTS]

THIEF 2: I'll take that.

THIEF 1: Come on, let's go.

Thomas, the cats took Jerry.

[GRUNTS]

[THIEVES LAUGHING]

[WHIMPERING]

Poor Thomas. Are you okay?

[GROANS THEN SIGHS]

Well, now I've seen everything.

Oh, there's something familiar about those flying felines.

[JERRY WHISTLES]

"Cemetery property."

Ah! That's it. Those three cats are the local gravediggers.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. I remember selling this button. To a cat.

He bought it the day before yesterday. An odd fellow.

- Do you know his name? - Oh, no. You know cats, quiet types.

But I can ask him in a day or two, when he picks up his trousers.

Oh, my word.

What are you looking for, Holmes?

Almost anything, my dear Watson.

- A goose feather. That's no good. - A freshly plucked one at that.

We find the fowl this feather came from...

...and our thief's goose is as good as cooked.

Careful now, those flying cats could be anywhere.

[WOLF HOWLS]

Ah! My goodness. It's the Star of Punjab.

[HORSE NEIGHS]

[MAN LAUGHS]

[RED GASPS]

[MAN LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

[RED GASPS]

[COUGHS]

He's safe.

More than safe, lass. He's got ahold of something.

That bloke may have got away with the diamond...

...but at least we got the key.

The key to what?

CONSTABLE: Let's canvass this area, men.

They can be anywhere.

Those criminals are a wily sort.

The reputation of Scotland Yard is at stake.

I don't see how we'll get you to Mr. Holmes' flat...

...with these bobbies bobbing about.

Wait. My dear family friend, the one who sent me to Mr. Holmes...

...lives right in this neighborhood. I'm sure I'd be safe there.

Then what are we waiting for?

Hello, professor.

Why, Red, my dear.

I'm in a bit of trouble.

[CONSTABLE BLOWING WHISTLE]

- May I come in? - Of course, my child.

[SCREAMS]

[SIGHS]

The horse from the cemetery.

That means the thief is in the house.

Miss Red.

Come on. I hope we're not too late.

Now what are we gonna do?

The key from the horseman. Let's see if it works.

[SIGHS]

[ART CRASHES]

TUFFY: Shh!

Ah, here we go, my dear. Some tea and biscuits.

It's just...

...what the professor ordered.

- I apologize for the delay. - I can't thank you enough, professor.

- I so appreciate your help. - Of course.

Will you please excuse me for just a moment?

Help yourself while I check on a small annoyance.

Is someone there?

[MACHINE HUMMING]

[TUFFY GASPS]

Look, it's all the stolen diamonds.

Whoa!

[GRUNTS]

I've got it.

Whoa!

[GASPS]

[JERRY & TUFFY & TOM GRUNT]

MORIARTY: I'll take that.

Miss Red, Miss Red, he's not your frie--

MORIARTY: Yes, aren't you clever?

I am, in fact, Professor Moriarty...

...who recommended Sherlock Holmes to Miss Red.

I also ordered false clues to be left for him.

Because the only thing sweeter than the perfect crime...

...is the perfect crime committed right under your enemy's nose.

You've got your diamonds. What you need Red for? Let her go.

Oh, the diamond robberies were just the opening act.

For the main event, I'm going to steal the Crown Jewels.

Oh, and one last thing, my child.

[TUFFY GASPS THEN GROWLS]

MORIARTY: Thank you, my dear.

This machine you see before you is a sophisticated heat ray...

...powered by these unique diamonds...

...which are able to intensify the sun's light.

I've designed it to work with the light from a solar eclipse.

When the eclipse occurs...

...this machine will send out a powerful beam...

...which will be reflected by a series of mirrors...

...to slice through the Tower of London.

You're daft. Sherlock Holmes will stop you.

I think not.

You see, I've sent your beloved Sherlock Holmes...

...on a wild-goose chase.

I've got him, Holmes.

[WATSON GRUNTS]

It doesn't match.

Off to the next farm then, eh?

I'm not sure, Watson. Something is wrong.

Maybe we should take a break.

It is already morning, and the solar eclipse is about to begin.

Ah, we have such a fine view.

The eclipse.

The button, the diamonds, the mirrors.

Watson, that's it.

What's it, Holmes?

He's going to steal the Crown Jewels.

I pray we're not too late.

Hyah!

[LAUGHS]

[PEDESTRIANS SHOUT]

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

[HUMMING]

[LAUGHS]

[NEIGHS]

SPIKE: After that fiasco at the embassy...

...we were lucky to get this assignment, my son.

It's the easiest job in London.

Nobody has stolen the Crown Jewels since they were moved here in 1303.

What is it, my boy?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[GRUNTS]

I'll teach you.

[GRUNTS]

What? He was asking for it.

[MOANS]

Hyah!

[LAUGHING]

TUFFY: All right! BUTCH: Unh!

Oh, no, no. I can't look.

Whoa!

We'll never catch him now.

HOLMES: "Never" is not in my vocabulary.

Hyah!

Look, Butch.

I bet those cats are behind these robberies.

Get down here right now, you mangy fleabags...

...so I can arrest you.

[GASPS THEN YELLS]

[GRUNTS]

Hi-yah.

SPIKE: Well, well, pussycats.

Looks like youse and me have got a rendezvous with pain.

[BOTH YELL]

[SPIKE PUNCHING AND CATS GRUNTING]

Never fear, my lady.

Forget about me. Someone has to stop this coach.

Hmm?

[GRUNTS]

[WATSON LAUGHS]

We've got him now, Holmes.

[GASPS]

WATSON: A horseless carriage?

Well, now, I've just about seen everything.

[HOLMES GRUNTS]

What?

Moriarty.

You've arrived just in time to say goodbye...

...forever.

Shocking.

[GRUNTING]

[HOLMES GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

[LAUGHS]

Oh, dear.

Ah!

RED: Mr. Holmes.

The brake, it's broke.

[ALL GASP]

Time to fly, boys.

MORIARTY: No!

Mr. Holmes.

Mr. Holmes.

HOLMES: A hand up? Anyone?

Anyone?

[ALL GRUNTING]

Thank you, my dear Watson.

[SPUTTERING]

And it all worked so perfectly on paper.

The best-laid schemes of mice and men often go awry.

Here you go, constable.

Take him back to Scotland Yard.

All right, come along quietly. There's no point in resisting.

[GRUNTS]

Oh, boy. I'm excited.

I'm going to get the promotion and the reward.

You know what? I'm happy.

Dearly beloved...

I'm so glad it worked out for Miss Red. She makes a lovely bride.

Yes.

You may kiss the bride.

[HOWLS]

[SCREAMS]

[ORGAN PLAYING]

Heaven help us.

That's right. I also do weddings.

[ENGLISH - US - SDH]